Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 20:57:51 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeremy Benner <jeremy0579@yahoo.com>
Subject: My Brother's Affiliation- Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: Do not proceed to read this story if you are
under the age of 18. Also, do not proceed to read this story
if you find incest or homosexuality offensive. Thank you

This part of the story includes: kissing, rubbing, teasing

_____________________

After Ian and I came down from our sexual high, we slipped
our boxers and shorts on and sat back down on my bed. My
asshole felt a little sore and weird, but the feeling wasn't
profound enough to keep me from wanting to get fingered
again. I actually kind of liked how my hole tingled and
convulsed between my cheeks, but I didn't like the feeling
of disgust that began to rush through my body. And I didn't
like how uncomfortable I felt as I sat there beside my
brother who had just fingered me. My brother who had just
turned me on more than any other person ever has. Even more
than that girl who pinned me against a wall about a year ago
and rubbed my dick through my jeans while she whispered how
badly she wanted to suck my cock in my ear. She didn't
compare to how my brother just made me feel. Both physically
and emotionally."You think mom and dad are having affairs?" Ian asked out
of nowhere

In the mist of my thoughts I had forgotten he was still
sitting next to me. I couldn't bring myself to look at him
for fear he'd see my embarrassment and see that I was
emotionally confused by what just took place. I turned like I
was going to get off of my bed, but I just sat on the edge
with my back to him.

"I don't know. Probably," I said simply

"I bet dad is, but I'm not sure about mom. I think she
really is working late like she says."

I felt Ian's presence behind me; I could feel him watching
me.

"Although, mom seems like the type who'd..." his voice
trailed off as I bent my head down and massaged the back of
my neck with my right hand.

"I'm trying to break the silence... You're not talking.
What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about mom and dad having affairs now," I
responded, avoiding the question.

Ian was quiet for awhile before asking, "What about
before?"

"What?" I asked, looking over my shoulder at him.

"What were you thinking about before I asked if mom and dad
were having affairs?"

I felt awkward and out of my depth, so being the dick that I
am I said, "I was thinking that you ask too many
questions."

"So you have no thoughts at all about what we-"

"No. I have no thoughts right now, ok E?" I said quickly,
and turned away from him again.

"That's bullshit. You're acting all weird!"

"Ian... lets just forget it alright?"

Why couldn't he catch the hint that I didn't want to talk
about what happened right then at that very moment? Sure
we'd talk about it later, of course, but I didn't want to
face it then. I felt sick.

"Forget it? Forget it how?"

"God, you're annoying! I don't know, just drop it. Lets
just fuckin' drop it, please!"

"Jesus... what's your deal?" he muttered

"You're so damn pushy why can't you just drop things?"

"I guess I get a little confused when someone's mood
changes so damn fast!" Ian said. I felt my bed bounce as he
got up.

"And I guess I get a little upset when someone presses an
issue when I ask them not to!" I shouted as he left.

I groaned out loud and put my head between my knees.
What did he want me to say? "Thank you little brother for 
fingering my hungry ass and giving me the best orgasm I've
ever had!" Please, of course I wouldn't say that! We're
not women here. We don't need to talk about sex after we do
it. We just masturbated anyway, what's the big deal? Well...
we're brothers, that's the big deal. And... we did a little
bit more than just masturbating together. I don't really
know how I ended up with my knees to my chest moaning in heat
while my brother fingered me, but it happened! What do we do
now? Forgive me Ian for not knowing what the fuck to say to
you after the reality of what happened hit me! Forgive me for
drifting back into my nonchalant, jackass attitude and acting
like what we did didn't even occur, but gimmie a damn break!
What are we a couple now? Hah, wouldn't that be a nice thing
to drop on our parents.

These were my thoughts as I lay in bed after Ian left. As I
lay in my cum soaked bed to be exact. And as I thought them
and forced myself to believe I should be the one upset, my
conscience nagged at me telling me for once in my life I
could be straight forward and honest. For once in my life I
could open my mouth and not spew out crap! I could actually
give telling someone my true feelings a try.

"This is such bullshit! You need to stop acting like a
dispassionate, unemotional asshole and just fucking speak up
and say what's on your damn mind!" Ian said as he burst
through my door.

I looked up at him, startled, and I couldn't find any words
to yell back.

"You can't just LET me do what I did and then afterwards
act like a fucking dick!" Ian yelled

"Well, fuck man, I don't know what to say to you! I feel
uncomfortable!" I shot back

"You could have just said that. Why can't you communicate
Brian? What's so hard about it? Couldn't you have just said
`I don't really know what to say. I feel a little
uncomfortable' instead of just acting like a prick and
pretending like you weren't just on your back moaning for me
to finger you faster just 5 minutes before!"

"Ugh, God! You know what Ian, fuck you! You're the one who
started the whole fucking thing anyway." I shouted and as I
said this Ian stormed out of my room.

"I never asked you to do a damn thing!" I yelled after him

I put my head in my hands and groaned and just like that... my
Friday was ruined.

The next time I saw my brother after that day was Monday at
school. I passed him in the stairs on my way to my Chem
class. My heart jumped to my throat and I stared at him as he
came down the stairs in my direction. He looked at me for a
few seconds before turning his attention to something else or
someone else. I tried to read his face, but I couldn't. He
was expressionless and he looked devoid of thought. All
weekend he hadn't been home. I didn't know where he was; I
didn't see him once.

Man, that weekend was terrible. I spent every hour of those
two days obsessing over how I felt when my brother was
fingering me. I felt so... undisguised and real. I not only
loved how my brother's finger felt inside of me and GOD I
loved it so much, but I also loved how I was feeling
emotionally. I've never felt so close to anyone, not even
when I lost my virginity, but that was a laughable
experience. I've never felt so eager to relax and just be
myself. Just be Brian. Whoever that even is. I just know I
wasn't bullshitting and I felt alive and content in my own
skin. My brother made me feel that way. What does that mean?
We just masturbated together but it was more than that. There
was something there; I don't know what, something between
us. There was this connection and bond... this, affiliation or
something.

I thought about Ian's face as he fingered me all weekend. I
couldn't shake the image from my mind. I heard his voice
even when I blasted my music to drown out my thoughts,
"Breathe. Relax... does it hurt?" and my moan of "No"
followed in my thoughts. I shuddered in my skin and blinked
my eyes hard to get rid of these thoughts, but they stayed
with me all weekend. I masturbated in the shower on Sunday
night as I thought of my brother fingering me. I moaned his
name and came so hard on my shower wall that I had to lean
forward and place my head on the tiles to steady myself.
Afterward, I tried to figure out how I had gotten to this
point. Masturbating to the thought of my brother and his
voice? My brother...mmm and his voice when he told me what to
do with my ass. My brother who made me feel so good. So so
good. God, help me, I'm going crazy. Please, I don't want
to think about Ian like this anymore. Please!

My stomach churned as I passed by my brother in the stairs on
Monday and I found myself looking forward to seeing him at
home later that day as I floated from class to class. But
when I got home from school after football practice, Ian
wasn't sitting on the couch drawing like he had been the
other day, nor was he in his room or the kitchen or the den
or anywhere in the house. I was slightly relieved because as
I drove home I began to get nervous and dreaded seeing him.
But mostly I was sad and dissatisfied when I realized he
wasn't around. We needed to talk. I didn't know what I'd
say, but I had to say something. I was all fucked up now!
Nothing made sense anymore. How could it be that my
girlfriend, Megan of 2 months, (which is a long ass time for
me to be with a chick that rarely puts out) was now the last
thing on my mind and my BROTHER was the one who was running
through my thoughts and making me hard every time I thought
of him?

"You know where Ian is, mom?" I asked when she came home
from work

"Jessie's. He said he'd stay there for awhile," she
responded, kicking her pumps off and reclining on the couch.

"When did he tell you that?"

"He called me Saturday morning. What's wrong?"

"He owes me some money," I lied and walked back upstairs.

Tuesday came around and I tried not to think about Ian when I
was in class or in the halls, but I did. I wondered if I'd
see him when I turned every corner. I looked for him in the
cafeteria as I pretended to be focused on eating my food. I
didn't see him Tuesday at school though, and when I came
home he wasn't to be found yet again. However, when I was
talking on the phone with Megan in my room that night,
listening to her complain about how I'm not attentive to her
or some shit, I heard some shuffling around in Ian's room.

"I'm not saying we can't work this out, but you have to
try harder," Megan went on

"I know," I said softly as I tried to hear over her and see
if I was really right about the shuffling in Ian's room. Was
he home?

"You tell me you care about me so much, yet you don't
really listen to me."

"I'm sorry Meg, you're so right. I'm going to change. I
know I have to," I said this quickly, trying to please her
so I could hang up and go verify these sounds I was hearing
through my wall.

"Go on, please," she pressed

Shit

"And... oh damn. Baby? My mom is wanting me to go move my
car. Can I call you right back?"

"Uhh, well-"

"I know mom, ok, I'll do it," I tried to make myself sound
annoyed, "Ugh, I gotta go Megan. I'll call you right
back."

"Ok."

Click.

I listened closely. There was definitely movement in his
room. I got up and started to walk to my door with the intent
to go talk him, but I stopped. I wanted to talk to him, but I
knew he'd be pissed. I stood by my door for a few minutes
just kicking myself and saying how ridiculous this whole
thing was before I quickly opened my door and went to Ian's
room. I didn't even knock I just opened his door and went
in.

"Hey," I said coolly.

He was kneeling down beside his bed fumbling through a box of
stuff. He didn't look up at me, but he did respond and say,
"Hey" back.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for my pencils. I'm going to draw here in a
minute."

"Cool."

"What do ya need?" he asked, still not looking up at me

"Well..." my heart was racing. Why doesn't he sound pissed?
"I thought we should talk."

"Yeah? What's the deal?"

What game was he trying to play here?

"What do you mean what's the deal?" I asked stupidly

"I mean about what?" Ian asked standing up and plopping
down on his bed. Going by his tone and how he was acting
you'd think our argument Friday didn't even transpire.

I said nothing and just stood there like a moron. I sure as
hell wasn't expecting him to act like this. I watched as he
flipped through his notebook and settled on a clean, blank
sheet and began to draw. Ian looked up at me and brushed the
hair out of his eyes with his hand before saying, "Could you
turn on the light, please? My lamp is too dim."

"Sure," I said softly and flipped the switch on for him.

"Thanks."

I stared at him as he drew. His head was tilted to the side
as he focused intently on what he was doing. The light above
him hit his blue eyes just right and made him look so
captivating. My mind flashed me back to when he looked up at
me with those eyes as his finger meandered inside of me. His
expression as he was fingering me turned me on even more and
made me feel at ease with being that close to him. So at ease
that I didn't want the energy I was feeling between the two
of us to stop flowing.

"I'm sorry I acted the way I did on Friday," I said. I
started to go on, but Ian cut my words short by saying, "No
problem."

I felt myself getting upset, so I said, "Ian, can you stop
drawing for a second and listen to me?"

He looked up at me with a blank expression and waited for me
to speak.

"I'm sorry I was a dick Friday. I just felt out of my
element and I didn't know how else to respond to what
happened except by being an asshole."

I paused to give him an opportunity to speak but he didn't,
so I went on to say, "I have this thing where... if I feel
uneasy or nervous or something, I'll immediately put up this
wall and act like a dick so that other people won't know
I'm upset or whatever. That's what I did Friday, and it was
totally out of line." I think that's the most honest thing
I have ever said in my entire life. I felt proud of myself,
but my satisfaction was stomped upon when Ian said, "Thanks
for apologizing. I don't hold it against you or anything."
He gave me a sly smile then went back to drawing.

"I guess I deserve this, but will you knock it off please. I
don't think I've ever admitted what I just said to anyone
before."

He said nothing and continued to draw.

"I'm APOLOGIZING, don't you get that? I'm sorry," I said
firmly

"I get it, Bry. Apology accepted man, I told you, no harm
done alright?"

"And that's it?"

"Well... what else is there?"

"What do you want to do now?" I asked

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're obviously still upset even though you're
pretending like you're not. Do you want to just never talk
to me again?"

"Basically. But we both know that's not possible since we
live together, go to the same school, and oh yeah, we're
brothers."

Now that I had got him talking I decided to sit down on his
bed to get closer to him.

"I really don't feel like talking. There isn't even
anything to talk about anyway." He said in a very
uninterested tone as he put his notebook away and laid back
on his bed.

"You don't accept my apology?"

"Yes! I told you no harm done! Lets just forget all about it
and go back to how things use to be when we didn't talk
unless we had to."

"You're that pissed?"

"I'm not pissed! And why do you even care? You never care
about anything!" He said, raising his voice.

I was relieved he had finally started to show some emotion
even though it was anger.

"Don't be a dick, that's not true."

"Oh, you're right. You do care about football and sex and
food and cars and your appearance, but you don't care about
people. You feel nothing so how can people expect you to care
about how they feel? That's how you've always been," he
said this so simply as if his words meant nothing at all to
me. As if his saying that couldn't possibly hurt me.

"I do care about how other people feel..."

"Ok, then I guess we disagree," He said and rolled over
onto his stomach and acted like he was going to take a nap or
something.

"Ian, damnit, will you cut this shit out?"

"What do you want? An apology from me? Fine, I'm sorry I
felt like being nice to you and doing something I thought
might make you feel good. I've learned my damn lesson! Now
will you just-"

"Ian stop! I'm not asking for an apology! I liked what we
did! I loved it! Alright? Jesus man, ugh!" I shouted,
cutting him off.

This got his attention and he lifted his head to look at me.
I went on to say, "Give me a break, stop acting like an ass
for a second and listen to me!"

I sighed, trying to calm myself down, before I said, "And if
we weren't brothers I'd want you to do it again but since
we are I feel ashamed that I let you do it in the first
place. I'm even having a hard time looking at you. I see you
differently and it's freaking me out."

"How do you see me?"

"I don't know... you're different now. You're... I don't
know... attractive to me somehow. When I look at you I want
to... I just don't see you the same way. Everything is fucked
up now! I don't see you as just my kid brother anymore. I
haven't looked at you the same since you told me about you
and Jason. It's weird and I don't know what to think or how
to feel about it."

Ian said nothing. He looked interested and surprised by my
words as I spoke. His expression encouraged me to go on.

I looked away from him and proceeded to say, "And... I was a
little too comfortable while you were playing with my ass.
Any normal guy would have been like, `Wait a minute, we
can't do that. We're brothers' but I fuckin'... spread my
legs like some bitch and just let you do it. When I realized
that after I came, I felt sick and I didn't know what to do.
Because that's not normal you know? I'm not gay and I've
never thought of... messing around with you or Jeremy or
anything. I'm not into that, but I really liked when you
were showing me what felt good. When we were messing around,
I didn't care that you were my brother. You made me feel
like a person. I don't know how else to describe it."

I couldn't believe I was admitting all of this, but I had
to! I had been thinking about my brother in this sexual,
forbidden way for days, and I had to tell him. My stomach was
tight as I waited for Ian to speak, but he never did so I
turned around to look at him and he was smiling his boyish
smile and I couldn't help but smile too.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked, laughing a little

"I didn't mean it when I said you never feel anything and
you don't care about how other people feel. You do, but you
just rarely show it. I wish you'd be more honest like
you're being now."

"It's hard because I've never been truthful or sincere
with anyone. I almost don't know how to be like that. It's
easiest for me to put up a wall and act like an ass than to
be myself."

"Why? I don't get it."

"Because I'm afraid to let my guard down. I'm afraid to
let anyone get too close to me because they could... see me
and begin to understand me, if that makes sense."

"But we're brothers... I just want is to have a good
relationship with you. But you make it so hard," Ian said
gently

I didn't know what else to say so I just sat there. Ian sat
up on his bed, behind me, and I turned so that I was facing
him.

"I really liked it to. That's why I got so pissed. You were
acting like you didn't care that I did that to you. You made
me feel like a homosexual freak or something."

"I don't think you're a freak at all. I just felt
awkward..."

"Me too."

"I still feel awkward," I laughed and he laughed with me.

"So what do we do?"

"I don't know."

"Can I tell you something?" he asked

I nodded

"The thought of being with you in a sexual way really turns
me on because we're brothers. I've always felt that way.
That's why I wanted to finger you so badly. Do you think
that's horrible?"

"Yeah," I said honestly, "But I feel the same way. I just
didn't know it until I was with you. Now I've been thinking
about doing things with you all the time."

Ian's face was really close to mine. So close that I could
feel his breath on my cheeks and lips. All of a sudden Ian
and I were talking really low but there was no one in the
house.

"This has to be a little gay," I whispered

"But I thought you said guys just do what feels good?"

"Yeah...but I'm really attracted to you now. I've never
been attracted to a guy. I feel so weird."

"I'm attracted to you too, but I'm not gay. I don't think
this is gay, Bry."

"I think it is, E," I disagreed

"We just masturbated together. That's all."

"Yeah but, it was more than that. I got this weird feeling
when we were doing it," I admitted

"Me too, but we can't just all of a sudden be gay, Brian!"

"But...I'm wondering right now... what it'd be like to kiss
you," I forced the words out of my mouth and I felt my face
get really hot. "That's a little gay don't you think?"

Ian just stared at me. I could see the bewilderment in his
eyes, but I could also see the lust and the longing.

"I've kissed Jason before. It doesn't make you gay."

"You want to kiss me?" I asked. I was so horny and lost in
the sexual energy that radiated between my brother and I that
I wasn't even thinking before I spoke. I had definitely let
my guard down.

"What are we doing Brian? This is so weird."

"I know..."

"I thought I'd just show you how good it felt to get
fingered and that's it. I didn't think we'd start making
out or anything."

It seemed to me like he was saying, "No Bry, I sure as hell
don't want to kiss you. Are you insane?" But he went on to
say, "When you were moaning all loud when I was fingering
you, I wanted to move so I was near you and kiss you while I
did it."

As Ian admitted this to me, my eyes wandered down to his lips
and I felt overcome with passion and longing for my brother.

"Do you want to try it?" I whispered. I didn't even try to
conceal how impatient and eager I was.

Ian didn't respond, he just paused for a few seconds before
leaning his head in and I closed my eyes as I felt our lips
touch. We laid several soft kisses on each other's lips for
awhile before Ian broke away too look at me. His eyes were
hungry and glazed over. I'm sure I looked the same way. I
wanted more of him! I wanted his tongue so badly. I leaned
forward and kissed him hard this time. My hands cupped the
sides of his neck, and I kissed him like I had kissed all of
my ex girlfriends except more passionately and deeply. I
pried his lips open with mine and moaned as I felt his tongue
slide into my mouth. I remember thinking as I kissed all of
those stupid girls, "Good, maybe I'll get some." But as I
kissed my brother I thought about nothing but his tongue and
how good it felt against mine. The feeling was electric and
my body felt so energized and alive. I was kissing my
brother! Mmmm my sexy brother who I didn't even know was a
turn on for me until just recently.

I felt his arms wrap around my back and press me closer to
him, and I tilted my head to the side, trying to feel more of
his soft muscle. Our tongues seemed to fight with each other,
but dance sweetly at the same time. Ian moaned inside of my
mouth, which turned me on even more, and I clutched the back
of his neck with one hand and moved my other hand up his neck
to his soft, silky hair. He moaned again and began to lay
back on his bed. My lips followed his, and my upper body
rested on top of him. Ian broke the kiss for a second to
scoot further up on his bed. After he got more comfortable, I
plunged back in and sucked his tongue back into my mouth. My
brother spread his legs and pulled me more on top of him, and
I began kissing him deeper and more aggressively. Mmmm his
tongue was so soft yet firm and demanding.

I gently began to grind my pelvis against his as we kissed,
which in turn caused Ian to do the same. I felt his hand slid
down my back to my ass, and I whimpered in his mouth when he
forcefully pushed my butt against him and forced my hard dick
to press on his thigh. My fingers went back to his hair and
the palm of my hand rested gently against his cheek as I
began to lose myself in the feeling.

Ian's fingers moved from my ass to my lower back, and he
tickled my spine with the tips of his fingers as he
progressed up my back, lifting my shirt. I pulled off of his
lips and leaned back to take my shirt off over my head. He
began to do the same and I eagerly helped him. My eyes rested
on the light fuzz Ian had on his chest and I thought to
myself, "God, everything about my brother is sexy." My
chest isn't as hairy as some guys I've seen in the locker
room, but it's hairy enough to be able to hear the curls
brushing against each other when I run my fingers over them
as I often do. We were breathing kind of heavy as we took our
shirts off, and even before Ian was settled back against his
bed, I moved back in to feel his soft lips. I sighed to
myself when my chest touched his; the feeling of our warm
bodies touching made me a little light headed and faint but
all the more horny.

As we kissed, I felt Ian's hands move between us. When I
realized he was fumbling with the button on my shorts, I
raised off of him a little to make it easier. He began to
move me to the side, indicating that he wanted to be on top,
so without breaking our kiss I rolled over onto my back and
pulled him on top of me. I moaned my disapproval when Ian
pulled his lips from mine. Without saying anything to me, he
anxiously grabbed my open shorts and began to tug them down.
I lifted my ass, and looked down as he pulled my shorts down
my legs then dropped them beside his bed. Ian rolled to the
side of me and began to unzip his own shorts and I reached
over to help him. We hurriedly unbuttoned, unzipped, and
pulled the shorts off and threw them to the floor.

When Ian turned his attention back to me, he rolled to his
side so that he was facing me and placed his hand on my
chest. I laid on my back and looked over at my brothers face
as he gently caressed my chest hair. Ian moved closer to me,
and I felt his hard cock pressing against the side of my
thigh. I looked down at my brothers' hand as I felt it
slowly sliding down my chest and stomach. I anxiously
anticipated Ian to slip his hand under my boxers and grab
hold of my pulsing cock, but he teased me by moving his palm
over the waistband and simply rubbing my hardness through my
boxers. This felt good anyhow, but I was so horny. I wanted
him to touch me and make me feel good."You're so hard," he
whispered, looking down at my crotch as he massaged me.

I lifted my hips off of the bed, and pressed my cock against
his hand in response. Ian rubbed my dick harder through the
fabric and I moaned softly under my breath. He teased me like
this for several minutes, so I was forced to moan out,
"Touch it."

Ian looked up at my face and said in a playful tone, "Touch
what?"

"Touch my cock," I whimpered

Ian slid his hand up and tickled my stomach with the tips of
his fingers for awhile before sliding his hand back down and
under my waistband. I inadvertently bucked my hips up when I
felt my brothers' fingers and palm pass over the head of my
cock. He stared at my face as his hand slowly and smoothly
moved over my hard-on.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered and bent down to kiss
my neck

I sighed and turned my head to the side when I felt his mouth
on my tender skin. He kissed me sweetly on the perfect spot,
just below my jaw line, for awhile before drawing circles on
my neck with his tongue.

"Tell me," he moaned against my neck and continued to run
his hand up and down my cock so gently and impeccably that I
began to pre-cum. I usually don't start pre-cumming until
I'm close to cumming, but my brother was so flawless. He
obviously knew just what he was doing.

I was so lost in how he was making me feel that I felt far
away from myself and almost like Ian and I weren't messing
around at all, but my pounding heart, quick breath, and
throbbing cock reminded me that we really were.

"I want you to suck my dick," I whined

My brothers' had left my boxers, and he moved from my neck
to my lips and we shared yet another passionate kiss before
Ian pulled back and sat up on his bed.

"You want to do this?" he asked me in a serious tone while
he looked down at me.

"Yes. What do you mean?" I asked stupidly

"You won't act all weird and be an ass afterwards, right?"

"No! I apologized for that. I really want this, Ian. I still
don't know how exactly we got to this point, but I don't
want to stop."

"Things will be weird after," he stated

"Things are weird now. What are you talking about? You
don't want to mess around now?"

"No. I do, I just want to make sure you do."

I raised up and looked my brother straight in the eye and
said, "I hope you aren't asking me if I feel 100%
comfortable with this. Because give me a break... this really
makes no sense to me and it's wrong. But do I WANT to go on?
Yes! Now stop worrying and asking questions, you sound like
Megan."

He made a face indicating that he didn't like that
correlation, so I leaned forward and kissed at his neck like
he had done mine. My arms wrapped around his back as I gently
lapped at his skin. Ian tilted his head back and put his hand
behind my head.

"What about Megan?" he whispered gently

"What about Jessie and Jason?" I questioned back against
his neck.

"No one can know. We can't tell them that this is..." his
voice trailed off as I planted my lips on his and forced him
to think about nothing but my tongue.

To be continued...