Date: Wed, 03 Mar 1999 21:58:20 PST
From: J.O. Dickingson <authorsix@hotmail.com>
Subject: "My CP Cousin" (t/t, true, disability)

The following is a collaborative story written by Jussi Jamdude and myself.
It was told to us by one of the participants, and is based on true events
that happened about eighteen months ago.  The names of the boys involved
and the city have been changed.  We would like to dedicate this story to a
good friend who will always be in our hearts, Antti, and to disabled boys
and men the world over.  If you know anyone who is disabled we hope you
will like this story well enough to share it with them.  Comments are
always welcome.  J.O. Dickingson authorsix@hotmail.com

                     My CP Cousin in Tampere

     I glanced out of the window at the rolling countryside.  Riding a
train can be one of life's more enjoyable adventures.  Meeting new and
interesting people, chatting about their lives, and exchanging ideas and
philosophies about anything under the sun has always been one of my
favourite pastimes.  I am basically an outgoing person who enjoys
experiencing new things and discovering the diversity of individuals who
make up this world.
     Riding a train can also be one of life's worst experiences.  At the
moment, having a fat hag sitting across from me in the narrow coach seats,
and dodging the greasy sandwiches and fingers of her two noisy, unruly
children qualified this trip as one of my worst experiences.  I drew back
my legs as I thought about the day before yesterday.
            I was sitting at the table eating my breakfast quite
unsuspectingly when Mom commented, "Hei, Jussi, Aunt Eeva called me
yesterday.  She said Timo is feeling very lonely."
     "And how does that concern me?" I asked with irritation, suspecting
this was more than just a casual conversation.
     "Well, we thought you and Timo could have a good time together when
your summer holiday starts," she began uncertainly after my surly comment
to her opening statement.
     "Seriously?  You mean to tell me you have already planned something
for my summer holiday?  Well, it is very kind of you to let me know,
afterwards!" I snapped.  I hate it when people plan things for me, as if I
have no mind of my own.
            "There is no need to be sarcastic!" Mom yelled.  "Timo is your
cousin, and disabled.  You have the entire summer and you would decline to
travel to him for only a few days?"
     "I didn't say I decline," I replied, trying to cool her down.  I have
always hated to hear women yell.  It can cause serious damage to one's ears
for one thing.  For another, a man can never win.  "I know that he is an OK
dude and that he can understand and all, and I can understand his speech
well enough," I tried to explain.  "But what do I do when he needs to go to
the toilet, or wash himself, or whatever it can be in the world?  I have
never cared for anyone with cerebral palsy before!"
     "Jussi, you are wrong.  First, the equipment he has in his home is
superior.  When he has to go to the toilet, he needs only to push a button.
He does not even need paper.  He has many things in his home built just for
his needs.  He even has a special coffee maker which rations everything so
he need not worry about spilling when he measures things out.  So maybe you
will need to sweep a little, or empty the rubbish bin.  There is no need
for anything more.  The most important thing is to provide some company for
Timo.  He has been down lately, and Aunt Eeva does not know why.  We just
thought that talking to another boy might help. . . . "
     Mom continued on and on as to the reasons for Aunt Eeva and her
suggesting I be the one to visit Timo, and my mind began to wander, as if
often does when Mom talks or I become bored, which is often one and the
same thing.  If you ever meet my mother please do not ask her to prove her
point about something.  I personally think her parents should get the Nobel
prize for having invented the perpetual motion machine (her lips that is).
If you are so foolish as to not take my advice and get her into an
argument, don't try to interrupt her, it would be to no avail.  Don't get
me wrong.  I love my mother dearly, but she does have some very annoying
habits.
     Anyway, that was how I came to be sitting on the train that morning
trying to avoid two spoiled little bastards that were intent on making my
ride as uncomfortable as possible.  Their mother, for that is what I
assumed the fat hag was, was totally oblivious to my squirming and
discomfort, causing me to simmer with anger.  It did not help when she
began to quiz me.  That is something else I do not like.
     "Good morning young man.  Where are you coming from?"
     "Hyvaa huomenta, missus . . .  uh . . .  you would really like to
know?"  I asked hesitantly as I tried my best to look uncertain and even a
little scared.
     "Why is it such trouble to say where you are coming from?" she asked
with surprise, and instant curiosity.
     "Well . . .  I'm coming from prison," I whispered, trying to sound
ominous and mysterious.
     "Oh my goodness," she sighed, "oh really? And such a young man?
You're surely not more than sixteen-years-old," she said, probing for more
information.  She had guessed me to be one year older than my right age.
     "No, you're wrong, missus," I answered very politely.  "I am
seventeen.  Going to be eighteen next month."
     She believed what I had said because I do look older than what I am.
Many friends and relatives have commented on that.
     "Krrrhhmmm," she said, clearing her throat as she prepared herself for
the next question.  I knew what it was going to be.  I had pulled this joke
before, several times in fact.  "May I ask why you were in the prison?"
     I tried to look as doubtful as possible.  "Are you sure you will not
regret you asked if I tell?" I asked her.
     "Surely I will not regret it.  Kerro!  Tell!"  The fat hag was near to
bursting with curiosity.
     "Well . . . ," I whispered quietly, "I have drowned two curious hags
so far, and I think I may do it soon again!"
     She looked at me a while, mulling over in her head what I had
whispered, not really understanding what I had meant.  Then, very suddenly,
she rose up out of the seat, all two- hundred-and-twenty pounds of her, and
at the same time her face flushed a bright red like a very mature and bumpy
tomato.
     "Perkele!  Bloody smartass kid, I'll beat you for deceiving me so!"
she yelled like a fog horn, and the last that I saw as I threw my arms up
in defence was the folded umbrella whizzing around my ears and bouncing off
my poor head and shoulders like a police truncheon.  Her head swung from
side to side in the same cycle like a turnip in a farmer's hand as she
began to turn purple with anger.
     In the middle of this violent scene, the conductor arrived in the
wagon.  As soon as he saw the wild hag beating me and the yelling kids
around her feet, he rushed over and said firmly, "Enough with that! What
has happened?"
     "This little bastard, this young criminal . . . ," she started,
puffing and gasping for breath after the strenuous morning exercise I had
provided her.
     "I suppose the young man has a name," the conductor interrupted
coolly.
     "Yes, sir, my name is Jussi Niemi!" I answered humbly before he
managed to ask me directly.
     "Well, go ahead, please," encouraged the conductor.
     "This bas . . .  uhummm . . .  this young man said he will kill me!"
she screeched as she jabbed me accusingly with her forefinger.  "He said he
was going to kill me!" she repeated, giving the conductor a look as if to
say he should bind me immediately with handcuffs.
     "I see.  Well, please tell me your version," said the conductor as he
turned to me.
     "Yes sir. . . .  I became mad when this . . .  lady . . .  didn't look
after her kids when they began eating their sandwiches.  I had to
constantly watch them and move out of the way so as to not get grease on my
trousers.  So, when she asked me where I came from, I said to her that I'm
coming from prison, and when she wanted to know why I was there, I told her
it was because I have killed two curious women, and I said I think maybe I
will be killing soon the third," I explained seriously to the conductor,
managing to keep a straight face through the entire tale.
     "Young man, such a joke is not suitable with those who are your
seniors," he reprimanded me strictly.  Then he turned so the lady could not
see his face.  "If you continue with such unworthy jokes I must toss you
out of train at the next stop," he continued, winking at me with one eye so
that the lady could not see.
     "Well, I promise I will absolutely not cause any further disquiet in
the train," I said to him very seriously and politely, and then turning to
the lady with the same solemn look on my face, I said to her, "And I ask
you, missus, for forgiveness.  I have behaved very improperly to you."
     "Well, since you have asked so nicely for forgiveness, I can maybe
forget the matter," she replied, but I knew the old hypocritic did not mean
a word she said.  That was all right.  Nor had I!
     So it was that I arrived finally in Tampere with somewhat amused
spirits.  The day was sunny and hot and I knew travel on the public bus
would be a civilized form of hell, but I did not have any choice.  Timo was
not able to meet me at the railway station unless he took the handicap
taxi, and we had agreed earlier that would be an unnecessary expense.
Neither of our families was that rich.  I could feel the sweat running down
my back, causing my shirt to stick to it, and my pits felt like little hot
pools.  There were a number who were catching the bus from the railway
station, and the bus was so crowded several of us had to stand for the
first part of the trip.  It was not difficult to tell who wore underarm
deodorant and who did not, and it was my misfortune to be sandwiched
between two fat gentlemen who did not.  A few loud burps and retching
noises, along with the apology that I had not been feeling well recently,
and the two gentlemen moved back to give me breathing space.  The first
seat that became available, they offered to me, and being as sick as I was,
I took it.
     The boarding school area was right cosy, little terraced houses on a
grassy knoll with twisting paths and small bushes.  In the corner of the
area was a shopping centre, easy to get to even with a wheelchair.  It was
easy to find the right house, and I was soon standing before the door.  Not
knowing what exactly to expect, I wiped my palms on my trousers a bit
nervously and rang the doorbell.  Timo and I did not know each other that
well.  In some seconds the door opened but there was nobody there.  I
stepped in the apartment and heard Timo's voice.
     "H-h-h-ow co-co-cooool to s-s-s-eee youu!" he stammered with delight.
     When I had chatted with him the first time, maybe five years ago, it
was really difficult at first to make out what he was saying with his
slurred pronunciation and his stammering, but now I did not really have any
trouble.  He sort of lurched forward toward me and his arms whisked
joyously in greeting, his face contorted in that way that it does with
handicapped people.
     "H-h-h-ow wassss youuur t-t-t-travel?" he asked, his voice reflecting
his concern.  He did not want to have been a bother.
     "Well, it was hot in the train and across from me sat a woman with a
couple of wild kids so I wasn't bored," I laughed.  "But how has been your
life since we met last time?  I think it was last summer, at Grandpa's
funeral.  You said you would be starting the gymnasium in the fall."
     "Yessss," he said with a grin, and I could tell, a sense of pride, "I
am in h-h-high s-s-s- school now."  That was a little late compared to the
average person, but for someone with the obstacles he had to overcome, it
was actually quite an accomplishment and he had every right to be proud.
     Timo began to tell me about his life, at first the things that two
teenagers would normally talk about, his new school, his teachers (both
good ones and bad ones), the subjects he was talking in school and the new
friends that he had met.  As we chatted and became more comfortable with
each other, he began to tell me some of the other things about his life,
things that a healthy person would never even think about.
     I was really surprised how many problems a handicapped teenager can
have.  Even just going down town was a major challenge for Timo.  If he
succeeded, he usually was seldom understood, and if he was understood,
there were still fewer whom he could call upon for help.  I guess that is
one of the hardest things about being disabled, always needing help from
others.  Help to get in the bus, help to get off the bus, help to cross the
street if the curbs were not slanted for wheelchairs, help to get through
doors, help to take his coat off, help to put his coat on, the list was
endless.  I also know that many who see the handicapped think that because
of the way they talk and move that they are retarded, and they talk about
them as if they are simple, or cannot even hear their insensitive comments.
     Sadly, a handicapped person can never hope to be completely equal with
healthy people, even though the service for disabled persons in Finland is
one of the most developed in the world.  In this boarding school for people
with cerebral palsy, for example, Timo was learning how to start getting
along without needing help from his parents.  Leaving the comfort and the
security of home is a big thing for anyone, but it has to be doubly
difficult for a person who is disabled.
     I excused myself and went to the water closet.  I noticed the special
equipment that Timo had to make the simple daily chores of grooming and
going to the toilet easier.  The shower was operated by buttons instead of
knobs which he would not have been able to turn.  The wash basin was
suspended so he could wash his hands seated in his wheelchair.  After using
the toilet, I tried the flush button.  First of all a warm stream of water
ran along the crack of my ass and rinsed my hole.  I don't know if it was
supposed to, or if I was sitting wrong, but it also sprayed my nuts and
cock, which was a surprise but not totally uncomfortable!  Then a pleasant
flow of warm air blew against my backside, drying everything.  I smiled as
I felt my munat rolling automatically in their lose sack as the flow of
warm air encircled them.  This I could get used to.
     Because Timo is not able to cook, the service car brings him his meals
every day, and on this day he had ordered for me also.  The meal was simple
and nutritious, and I was surprised to find also quite tasty for having
been made in bulk.  We ate and drank coffee in silence.  Timo had a special
plate connected with a spoon which he could easily move to get a spoonful
of food and bring it to his mouth.  I admire people who invent all these
things.  It must be marvellous to be able to dream up such ideas and to
devise such simple and workable devices to help the handicapped.
     After the dinner we sat in silence for a while.  I could tell Timo had
something serious on his mind, most likely the things that Aunt Eeva
figured were depressing him.  Since she had no idea what those things were,
I did not know how to approach the topic.
     Finally Timo looked up at me.  "W-w-we h-h-have t-t-talked abooooout
my l-life," he began.  He spoke in a whisper so soft I had to concentrate
to hear him.  "W-well . . .  I have s-s- some problemssss wh-wh-which I
haven't s-s-spoken abouuut w-w-with any-o-o-one elssse."  He paused and
breathed deeply and I waited.  "B-b-but I th-th-th-think youuu're the
r-r-right person."  He paused once more before continuing.  "M-m-maybe
youuu could t-t-tell me wh-what t-t-to do."  Timo paused again, and I could
tell he was struggling not just to say things clearly to me, but also
struggling over what it was that he wanted to say.  Just how hard I
realized with his next sentence.  "Youuu know w-w-with my . . .
dissssability I h-h-have not loooost my s-s- sexuality.  It isss hard f-for
me to know th-th-that probably nooobody will w-w-ant me assss her
hussssband. . . . "
     A cloud darkened Timo's fine featured face and as I looked over at
him, I noticed for the first time his good looks and fine physique.  I
figured him to be about 168 cm tall and his weight to be about 64
kilograms, both about average for a seventeen-year-old boy, and his upper
body looked as if he was in training.  Of course he needed much more
muscular strength to move himself about than a healthy person does because
he cannot control his movements as well as you and I.  Like most
Scandinavians, his hair was a light brown, which he wore fairly short for
easier grooming, and his eyes were a deep emerald green.
     "P-p-paska, I have the n-n-need.  I have h-h-heard s-s-so much aboout
h-h-how great it isss to have a g-g-girlfriend or s-s-s-something.  Even
s-s-some guy would be good enough f-f-for me, b-b-but who w-w-would like to
b-be with such w-w-waste like me?"
     He hid his face in his palms and I saw his body jerk as be began to
cry.  I went to him and hugged him around his powerful shoulders, my own
eyes quickly growing moist.  My mind raced as I tried to think of something
to say, something meaningful.  This was a total surprise to me, and not
something I had ever thought about before.
     "Hei Timo." I said in as comforting a voice as I could.  "I know I
can't begin to imagine how you feel, but I'm sure there is a way we could
find some solution to your problem."  I held him tighter as I thought
desperately.  His sobbing lessened and then stopped.  "There must be a
solution to at least a part of your problem," I continued.
     An idea had come into my head, but I was unsure if I should say it.
If it would be all right with Timo, it would fulfill his wishes, and I
would not be averse to it . . .  The problem was, how could I ask it?
Usually having a comment for every situation, this was most unusual for me.
Timo looked down at the table with an unbelievable sadness.
     "Timo, you haven't any experiences with chicks or guys?"  I asked.
"At least I got such an impression from what you said."  He only nodded,
and I saw the tears were not far away again.  "Well, I have had some few
experiences with guys as well as chicks, and . . .  paska, this seems
surely a stupid idea, and if you don't want to, or if you think I'm crazy
please say."  Having made my apologies in advance, I looked him in the eyes
for strength and inhaled deeply.  "I would really do something with you
. . .  if you wish.  I will absolutely not take advantage of you in your
sorrow . . .  but, if you agree, I'm ready to do whatever you would like to
do with me. . . . "  There!  I had said it!
     "Youuu c-c-can not mean it," Timo said, and I saw he could really
hardly believe his ears.  "Have youuu r-really b-been with guys?" he asked,
and then added, "and youuu have no problems w-w-with that?"
     "Yes, I have been with guys," I replied, "and yes, I've accepted it."
I did not think it the right time to tell him about my boyfriend, a
schoolmate with whom I've been having sex a lot.  It would only have made
Timo think about how impossible it would be for him to get a boyfriend or a
girlfriend.
     "Well, I w-would s-s-s-sure not think youuu w-would take
ad-v-v-vantage me.  I'm f-free to d-decide by mysssself what I will and
w-w-will not do.  And I c-c-could not im-m-magine youuu would f-f-force
me," he said, his lips finally curling in a little smile.  It was ever so
slight, but I don't think I've ever been so relieved as I was the moment I
saw the slight curling of his lips.
     "Maybe you won't believe this, but I am horny right now, and I was
feeling horny earlier but I didn't dare tell you," I commented.
     We sat there in silence for what seemed like hours, although it lasted
only maybe a half minute.  I supposed Timo would like me to take the
initiative so I said him, "Well . . .  I know some cool things between
guys, and I would like to do them with you.  One great place is the shower.
What do you think, should we go there?"
     "I have b-b-been in the s-s-s-shower a little before youuu came," he
replied.  "My skin becomes tooo dry and it isss hard f-for me to moissssten
it again.  Do youuu think . . .  c-c-could we do it in m-my bed?"
     "Sure," I replied with relief.  I had really wondered if he had been
in the shower or not, but now that was not a problem anymore.  "Suppose I
strip while you watch, and then you can strip yourself, or I can help you,
if you want?"
     Timo said that would be a good idea if he could watch me strip.  So I
started slowly pulling my T-shirt up, exposing my chest, and then pulling
it over my head and tossing it away.  I looked over at Timo, and the
intense look in his eyes and the spark of what I took to be arousal in them
suddenly gave me a wonderful feeling.  I was needed no, more than that, I
was wanted.  So I started to unbutton my 501's, slowly undoing one button
at a time and then slowly pulling them down like I was a stripper.  It was
exciting to stand there before him with my underpants bulging out, and I
made no effort to hide the bulge either.  I was really enjoying the way my
cousin was looking hungrily at me and I totally forgot that he was disabled
and two years older than I.
     Noticing Timo's trousers begin to bulge too as he looked at my crotch,
got me so hot I'm surprised I didn't cum in my underwear.  The air in the
room was suddenly thick with apprehension, with lust, and with teenage
sexuality.  You could smell it, and the room was so quiet you could hear
our breathing and the light rustle of my clothing as I stepped out of my
trousers.
     I had taken my socks off and now stood there in front of him, looking
him in eyes, with only my tangas on.  Then I put my thumbs under the side
band of those brief underpants and began to pull them down.  My heart was
pounding so hard I was sure Timo could see it pulsating in my chest.  Never
had I felt so horny in my life.  I was enjoying the situation enormously
and I suddenly realized that had to be how a stripper must feel when he, or
she, notices his or her body is exciting in someone else's eyes, when he or
she knows his or her body is hot and wanted badly.
     My cock was hard as a rock, and even though my uncut dick is only
fifteen centimetres, the tanga's caught on it as I tried to pull them down.
I released the side band and then continued to pull my tangas down ever so
slowly.  Finally my hardon was fully visible to Timo's eyes.  His hands
shook and I saw in his eyes the desire to touch it, but also his hesitation
and fears.  He dare not do it no matter how badly he wanted to.  That was
too big a step to take.
     Now I stood there in front of my seventeen-year-old disabled cousin
displaying my fifteen-year-old body openly.  As I said, I'm taller and
heaver for my age, ten centimetres taller than Timo and eight kilos
heavier, making me look a year or two older.  I like sports and look after
myself so although I'm not muscle-bound, I do have a good-looking body.  My
hair is blond, which I like to wear moderately long over my ears, and I
have blue eyes, like the ocean my boyfriend says.  I know both boys and
girls find me attractive.  As he stared at my hardon, he breathed thickly
as if hypnotized by it.  Finally I broke the silence.
     "So what do you think?  Do you find this disgusting . . .  or . . . ?"
I waited anxiously, not sure how he would respond, not sure if I had done
the right thing.  I hoped that he had found this as exciting and
pleasurable as I had, but I also feared that he might have decided that
what I had done was wrong.  Surely he had to have heard the three question
marks ending my sentence.
     "Oh m-m-man, thissss is great.  I h-have never s-s-s-seen another
g-guy's erection, except in s-s-some magazines, b-b-but those pictures are
n-nothing compared t-t-to s-s-s-seeing someone'sss jaykistya for real," he
finally responded.  "And do youuu really like to s-s-s-show yourself to
me?" he asked.  I could sense the skepticism in his voice, and I could
understand why he might think I was just doing this out of pity for him.
     "You bet!" I replied sincerely.  "If I found this repulsive, I would
hardly have a jaykistya right now!" I commented as I encircled the root of
my hardon with my thumb and forefinger and jigged it.  Timo grinned widely
to hear that, and it gave me a warm feeling to see that grin.  "So, what do
you think, Timo?  I would like to see yours."  I inhaled deeply and held my
breath.  This was the turning point.  If he said no, then this was the end
and I'd be standing there stark naked and feeling like a total pervert.  If
he said yes, then this would be the beginning of a fantastic experience,
one that I had never even thought about before, but one which I would
eagerly have.  It would be so cool to teach my older cousin some of the
things that I had been fortunate to have experienced.  I did not know what
Timo's answer would be.  Would he agree to go that next step, or had my
forwardness frightened him away?
     "If youuu really w-w-wish to s-s-s-see mine, I w-would willingly dooo
it for youuu," Timo replied excitedly.  My worrying had been in vain.
"Paska, why would I b-b-be assssshamed when youuu are not?  And wh-why
w-w-would I h-have a hardon?  I'm f-f-feeling hot asssss an oven!"  His
hands trembled even more than usual as he reached for the bottom of his
pullover shirt.
     "May I help you?" I asked.  For one I knew it would be difficult for
him to remove his clothes, and I did not want to make this awkward for him.
For another, I was hot to see him naked and was not sure I could wait that
long.
     Timo nodded.  I pulled his polo shirt off over his head, and he then
lay back on the bed and watched as I pulled his socks off.  He inhaled
nervously as I reached up and hooked my thumbs under the elastic band of
his trousers.  I had never noticed before but Timo wore a lot of clothes
that he could pull on and off since his hands had difficulty handling snaps
and buttons.  I looked up at him to be sure he was still all right with
this.  He was staring expectantly at his crotch so I took that as
permission to continue.  I slowly drew his trousers down, sort of
seductively, and his lips curled in delight at the way I did it.  His
underpants were bulging out, and as I paused I saw the bulge slowly rise
and drop, as can only happen if you have an erection.  There was no doubt
that Timo was excited!
     Hooking my thumbs under the elastic waistband of his underpants, I
looked up at Timo, silently asking if I should remove this last article
that maintained his privacy.  Timo returned the look, his eyes reflecting
contentment and at the same time joy.  I slowly pulled down his underpants
and his cock sprung up like an uncoiling spring.  I could see from the look
on his face that this was one of the greatest moments in his life, a life
that was filled with more sorrow, difficulties and intolerances than a
healthy person can ever know.
     I looked into his eyes again as I slowly moved my hand toward his
kyrpa, ready to withdraw at the slightest hint of disapproval.  It seemed
to take hours, but finally my fingers curled about the shaft of his cock
and closed gently.  I gave the root a few gentle, short tugs, and then
looking at his cockhead peeking out from the circle of skin, I slowly drew
my fist down until his cockhead was fully exposed.  I slowly drew my hand
up again, sliding the skin back over his knob.  I worked gently and
tenderly, not just because I was afraid of injuring him somehow, but
because I could see how highly aroused he was.  Already with just those few
strokes his nuts had shrunk and were drawing up tight to the root of his
cock.  If I was right, it would not take much to make him shoot his load.
     "If you feel that you are going to cum, let it," I told him, figuring
I had better assure him that it would be all right so he would not be
frightened or embarrassed if it happened before he could warn me.  "I have
seen other guys cum before.  I would not find it strange or upsetting."
     "Th-th-that issss goooood to kn kn-know, Jussi," Timo said a little
more brokenly than usual.  "I th-th-think I c-c-cum sh-sh-sure s-s-s-soon!"
     I was glad to know that, even though I had foreseen it, and I was glad
that I had suspected it and asked.  This was Timo's first time with a guy,
or anyone for that matter, and anyone who can remember their own first time
would know how hot he was feeling at that moment.
     I had been half sitting and half laying on the bed beside his hips.
Sticking out my tongue, I now slowly began to lean forward until my face
was centimetres from his cock.  He would have been able to say no anytime,
but he did not speak.  Finally my tongue touched his cockhead.  As I ran my
tongue over it, his hot cock jerked excitedly.  Knowing he would cum any
time, I slipped my mouth over the head until it was touching the roof of my
mouth.  As I began to rub my palate over his cockhead, I licked it at the
same time, being careful not to hurt him with my teeth.  This was not the
first time I had done this with a guy.
     Timo suddenly began to tumble back and forth on the bed.  His body
jerked and his arms swung uncontrollably as he began to slide down off the
thick pillow.  His cock slipped out of my mouth and I had difficulty
holding it and slipping my lips back around it he was squirming so
erratically.  Managing to curtail his movements a bit by holding his hips
gently with both hands, I slipped my mouth back over his hard, hot cock and
I sucked on it as I slowly worked my lips up and down at the same time.
Suddenly he squirted and I felt the first of several squirts of cum strike
the roof of my mouth and drip over my tongue.
     The great feeling of mutual joy that comes from sharing the most
profound experience a guy can have swept over me.  That warm feeling always
passed over me when this happened between my boyfriend and me, but somehow
it felt even greater and more complete with Timo.  It was as if years of
loneliness and frustration were suddenly relieved with that violent
ejaculation.  That he had chosen me to confide in, and to have his first
experience with, filled me with an even greater warmth than the experience
of having made him cum.
     Finally I raised my eyes to his.  He was laying back limply, arms and
legs akimbo like a discarded rag doll, his breathing still deep from the
excitement and the exertion.  His cock was still stiff and it glistened
with my spittle.
     Timo finally looked up at me and cautiously, and apologetically,
commented, "Shit, t-t-t- this was an u-u-unrivalled experience.  Youuu
really knew . . .  know . . . ," he mumbled, unable to talk.  "B-b-but I
. . .  I c-c-can not dooo the s-s-same to youuu.  I ... uhmm . . .  because
I c- c-ca. . . . "
     I could see the struggle in his eyes, and I knew what he was trying to
say.  He wanted to be able to do something for me also, but he knew not
being able to control his movements he would not be able to suck me without
the risk of some real pain from his teeth.  Although for me it was not
necessary, I knew he felt obligated to return the favour, and would feel
incomplete if he was not able.  I thought desperately how to resolve the
problem.
     "Well," I began, "sucking is not the only thing that guys can do
together.  I ... well . . .  we can do something else that feels good too,
if you would like me to show you."
     Timo grinned and nodded his head rapidly in agreement.  Making him
comfortable on his back, I raised his knees a little and spread apart his
legs.  I then carefully knelt between his thighs, and lowering my body so I
was balancing on my elbows above him, I slipped my hardon between his now
limp cock and his thigh and began to rub back and forth slowly.  Timo
smiled.
     "Man this isss great.  Isss it as g-g-great to f-f-fuck a girl?"
     "That I have had no experience in," I said with a smile, "so I cannot
compare, but I know this is fun."
     It was fun, and as I worked my hips to and fro and slid my cock along
his body, I began to breathe more heavily as the pleasure began to build.
Spotting a bottle of body cream on Timo's bedside table, I squeezed a large
dollop of cream on my cock and greased it from the root to the knob.  I
then greased Timo's crotch and once more got in position and began to hump
him, sliding my cock over his greasy skin, rubbing it along his own rapidly
swelling cock, my nuts hitting against his nuts.  Timo watched for a few
moments and then lay back and enjoyed.
     There was no doubt he was enjoying it because he soon had a hardon
again.  I worked my cock back and forth, faster and faster, and both of us
began to breathe deeply.  Finally I reached down and took Timo's stiff cock
in my hand along with my own and began to jerk the two of us at the same
time.  I had never done something like that before and it was so hot having
another boy's firm, hot cock pressed tightly against mine.  I worked my
fingers up and down both of our shafts excitedly.  As my cockhead began to
tingle, I pumped as rapidly as I could and my hips jerked uncontrollably in
desperation.
     And then I erupted, squirting on his stomach, one, two, three times.
It shot out of my cock and over his stomach with a power that I have never
before, and never since, felt.  It was somehow so different, so exciting
and desirous.  I knelt there panting and my head spinning, my thick, white
cum spattered over his flat stomach, and the last drop hanging as a pendant
from my cockhead and still connected to the streamer along his stiff shaft.
     Some time later Timo and I sat at the table enjoying a light snack and
talking.  After recovering from our experience, we had showered together.
Although Timo had a special brush mounted on the wall and floor of the
shower and did not need help, we had showered together because we had
wanted to.  If felt so pleasant touching his soapy skin with my bare hands,
and so hot to feel his splayed fingers caressing my soapy butt and running
up my crack.  When I took his hand and guided it over my cock and nuts, we
both began to get hard once more.  We took our time and enjoyed ourselves.
I enjoyed it, and I know he enjoyed his first experience of showering with
another boy even more than I.
     As we ate and talked about various things, none of which was of much
importance, I could tell that Timo's mind was occupied.  I wondered what it
was that he was thinking, and I began to feel guilty.  Had I been too
forward?  Had I enticed him to do something that he was now regretting?  I
can be impulsive sometimes, and have paid the penalty before.  I shifted
uncomfortably in my chair, and I noticed Timo did likewise in his
wheelchair.  I wanted to speak up and tell him to speak what was on his
mind, but I knew that would be wrong.  If he wanted to share with me what
he was thinking, it would have to be in his good time.
     "Jussi, are youuu gay?" he suddenly blurted out.
     "Me?  Why would you think so?" I teased with a slight smile.
     "Well," Timo replied with a bit of a laugh, "if you r-really don't
know. . . . "
     "Well," I began, "I must confess that I am.  I have had some few
experiences with girls, sexual experiences, but I do not feel the same way
to them as I do for boys, so I guess I am more gay than I am bi.  I
understand if you are uncomfortable with that, and would have me leave.
There are many people who don't like gays, and ."
     "Jussi!  I do n-not ask f-f-for that reason!  I w-would not tosss you
out of m-my house for that!  I ... I just w-w-want youuu to know I accept
youuu assss you are.  I am not gay m-myself.  I would like t-t-to get
m-married and have s-s-sex with a ch-ch-chick, b-b-but t-t-today I have had
o-o-one of my g-greatest experiences of m-my life.  I ... I admire youuu
sssso much."
     "Admire me?"
     "Yessss.  You do not h-have p-p-prejudices againsssst me.  Many guys w
would feel it dissssgusting to even t-t-touch me, never m-m-mind have
s-s-s-sex.  But now, I k-know maybe s- s-s-sometime I can have sex with a
g-g-girl too."
     We made more coffee and talked long into the night about sexuality,
about why some boys are gay, some straight, and others bi.  We talked about
how I felt about myself and my boyfriend, about why others feel as they do
about gays, and about the disabled.  It was a long serious conversation,
with much wondering and philosophizing, but also with jokes and humour and
a cheerful expectation for both our futures.  We finally turned in at two
in the morning.
     We awoke with the arrival of the food courier bringing us the
breakfast Timo had ordered the day before.  We exchanged many glances and
smiles as we ate that morning and I saw a sparkle and a joy in Timo's eyes
that had not been there when I had met him the preceding afternoon.  I
suspect he also saw a joy that I had not had before either.  I packed my
suitcase shortly after noon to catch the bus to visit my grandma, my
father's mother, who lived not far away from Tampere.  I regretted now that
I had not arranged to spend more time with Timo.
     "Jussi, do youuu think w-w-we can m-meet again?  And . . .  m-m-maybe
have s-s-some fun?  E-e-e-even if I'm not bi?"
     "Brother, you need not ask!" I assured him.  "Maybe after my visit to
Grandma," I said with a smile.  "Sure these past twenty-four hours with you
will be on my mind.  And what we did will be our secret, as it should be
between friends and relatives."
     Timo's eyes began to moisten and fortunately the bus arrived at that
moment.  We shook hands, and hugged tightly.  Timo stayed there at the bus
stop, and as the bus pulled out I saw him sitting there in his wheelchair,
his eyes blinking as he watched us.  As he disappeared behind the street
corner, I reached up and wiped the moistness at the corner of my own eyes.