Date: Sun, 2 Dec 2001 18:22:55 -0800 (PST)
From: Tom Borden <tombor99@yahoo.com>
Subject: "My Father, My Son"  34th Installment

This is Chapter 34, a continuation of "My Father, My Son."  All of the
conditions, warnings, and disclaimers listed at the beginning of previous
chapters still apply.  All comments are welcome and will be responded to:

Send to Tom Borden:    tombor99@yahoo.com


My Father, My Son
Chapter 34

As they both lay on the fur rug in front of the fire, Michael and Karl
pressed their naked bodies against each other as they looked deeply into
each other's eyes, each searching to be sure that the sparkle of true love
was still there.  Neither could be certain, but each, not fully known to
the other, could feel that old familiar warmth of love and desire spread
over their bodies, undiminished from what they felt the very first time
they touched each other.

They lay completely relaxed in the afterglow of the powerful orgasms they
had given each other simultaneously minutes before.  They had once talked
with each about how swallowing and savoring each others thick, warm sperm
was like the bonds that men in some societies created with each other by
cutting themselves and allowing their blood to flow into eac other's veins.
Although neither spoke of it on this occasion, they both felt now, as they
always did, that the bond between them had once again been strengthened by
ingesting each other's sperm.

Karl slowly ran the tip of his tongue over Michael's lips, teasing and
taunting them to open.  Michael teased back by not opening them to let
Karl's darting tongue enter.  Soon, Karl could feel the tip of Michael's
tongue on his.  Their lips soon found each other, and as they pressed
together, their tongues filled each other's mouth with a storm of wild
slashing and dueling.  How erotic Michael had always found running his
tongue over the ridges on the roof of Karl's mouth.  Karl found it equally
as arousing to run his tongue over the smooth membrane that lined the
inside of Michael's cheeks.

"I'm never going to take another trip without you, Michael," whispered
Karl."  Whenever we have business out of town, we'll go and take care of it
together."

"Is that because you don't trust yourself alone somewhere," chided Michael,
"or because you don't trust me left alone without you?"

"Well," said Karl, with a wry smile.  "Maybe it's just a little of both.
There's no point purposely putting ourselves in temptation's path, do you
think?"

"My thought precisely," said Michael, with a kiss on the tip of Karl's
nose.

The dancing flames of the fire flashed and reflected enticingly in Karl's
dark eyes.  Michael said, "You know, my beautiful man, it kind of excites
me to know that there are others out there who want you . . . even though
it was just a bartender."

"Hey, he was a hot, sexy bartender."

"Did he have a nice body?"

"Yeah.  Sure, he had a nice body."

"Did you kiss him?"

"Well, yeah.  We kissed a little bit . . . I think.  I don't remember too
well."

"Did you suck his cock?"

"Michael!  Why are you asking me this?  That episode is over.  It's you and
me now.  And it will always be just you and me."

Michael smiled and slid down, nestling his head on Karl's chest.  He
wondered if it would really always be just Karl and him.

Karl stared at the flames and promised himself that it would indeed always
be just the two of them.  He couldn't imagine ever loving anyone as much as
he loved Michael.  He worried, though, that Michael probably still doubted
him, and that nagging doubt might hang over them forever.


Tony was so anxious to see Clayton that he found it difficult to
concentrate on his work in the kitchen with Maggie.  When Michael returned
with Mark from the little house in the Cottonwoods, Maggie talked to
Michael about it.

"Michael, I think we've got one love-sick puppy on our hands.  Tony just
ain't no use to me in the kitchen the last couple of days.  I'm perfectly
willing to let Tony go on up to San Antonio to see Clayton if it's okay
with you."

"It's fine with me, Maggie.  I think he should go.  But I don't know how
he's going to get there.  All of our cars and the jeep are going to be in
use for the next few days.  And Tony doesn't have a license to drive a
truck on the highway."

"I'll just let Tony take my car.  I'm not going to be using it for awhile.
The only trouble is it hasn't been on the highway for awhile, and it's not
very reliable."

"I know, Maggie, it's that miserable old 1972 Pinto hatchback.  It belongs
in the dumpster.  Why haven't you gotten it replaced long ago?"

Maggie looked at Michael with a look that spoke all there was to say.

"I know, Maggie, we don't pay you enough to get a new car.  But now you can
afford to get yourself a Cadillac, if you want one."

"There's time enough for that.  You know I'm not a big car person.  Besides
I love that hatchback where I can fold down the back seats.  It's come in
real handy when I pick up some luscious hitch-hiking cowboy.  With that
nice fold-down backseat, I don't have to go find a motel room."

"Oh, Maggie, you're bullshitting me again.  I know you better than that.
You don't pick up strange guys on the highway.  What the hell do you need a
fold down back seat for?"

"Well, I always want to be prepared, you know," Maggie said with a flip of
her wrist.

Tony was thrilled that he was being given the day off to drive to San
Antonio.  Maggie told him that she called Rhapsody and asked her if it
would be okay if Tony stayed at her place if Tony wanted to remain in San
Antonio overnight.  Rhapsody replied, "Oh, my God, girl, are you talking
about that sweet hunk of Italian flesh who works with you?"

"That's the one."

"Oh, my God, I need to run out and get me a new frock and have my hair
done.  You're not giving me much warning, love."

"Rhapsody, please," sighed Maggie.  "Don't go to any trouble and get your
chins all in a ripple, girl.  Tony's going to be up there to see Clayton,
not you.  All you need to do is to give him a place to sleep."

"Oh, mercy, Maggie.  How am I ever going to get to sleep with him sleeping
next to me?"

"Rhapsody, please!  I don't want him sleeping in your bed.  Let him have
your other bedroom.  Now promise me, queen, that you won't get panties all
in a knot and make him feel uncomfortable."

"Alright.  I'll just have to take something to keep me calm.  Just between
you and me, dear, Karl is nothing but a God-damned fool to have rejected
Tony.  Tony's little body is just so kissable, and so huggable, I don't
know if I'll be able to survive the night."

"Promise me, Rhapsody, that you'll behave!"

"I promise," said Rhapsody with her fingers crossed.

Tony left the ranch early and arrived at Methodist Hospital in San Antonio
by mid-morning.  When he entered Clayton's room, he felt something in his
throat that was choking him.  He was shocked to see Clayton's swollen and
badly bruised eyes.  Clayton was sleeping, but Tony approached the side of
his bed and looked down at him.  He suddenly felt so angry that someone
would do such a terrible thing to his friend.  He very carefully laid his
hand on Clayton's hand lying on top of the sheet.  The skin on Clayton's
young hand felt so soft against his own rough and calloused hand.

"Clay.  Clay, are you awake?" Tony said very quietly.

Clayton slowly opened his eyes.  When he saw Tony, he smiled.  "Tony.  Am I
still in the hospital?"

"Yeah, Clay.  I drove up here to see you."

Clayton kept looking through swollen eyes at Tony and continued to smile.
"I'm really glad to see you, Tony," he said softly.

"Michael let me off to come and see you, Clay," said Tony, "and Maggie
loaned me her car."

"Oh, wow, Tony.  That old mess of a car?  You're lucky you even got here."

"I know."  Tony's eyes began to fill with tears.  It was so hard to see
Clayton like this.  He squeezed Clayton's hand and could feel Clayton
squeezing back.

"What's the matter, Tony?" Clayton said as he stared into Tony's eyes."

"I don't know.  I just feel so bad for you.  I don't know how anybody could
hurt you like this."  Tony took out his kerchief and wiped his eyes.  "I'm
sorry.  I was afraid I was never going to see you again, Clay.  After you
left, I looked everywhere for you."

Clayton closed his eyes and turned his head away from Tony, but continued
to squeeze his hand.  Looking out of the window, he said, "You looked for
me?"

"Yeah, everywhere."  An overwhelming desire came over Tony to hug Clayton.
Leaning down, he took hold of Clayton's shoulders and lifted him slightly
and pressed his cheek against Clayton's.  Clayton put both of his arms
around Tony, and they held onto each other for many minutes.

Then lowering Clayton down again on his pillow, Tony rose up and said, "I
missed you while you were gone."  Clayton looked up at Tony, smiled sweetly
at him, and then closed his eyes.

"I know you must be really sleepy, Clay.  They told me they gave you a
sedative.  I'll go out for a little while and let you sleep and then I'll
be back soon to see you again."

Reaching for Tony's hand, Clayton said softly, "Okay Tony.  I'll see you in
a little bit."

When Tony left the room, he sat down in one of the row of chairs under the
windows at the end of the hall.  Putting his head in his hands, he broke
down uncontrollably.  The shock of seeing how badly Clayton had been
injured, was almost too much for him.


Meanwhile, Rhapsody scurried about her apartment dusting and airing it out.
She had a number of her old drag queen friends over the night before to
watch an old movie that was scheduled to be shown on the American Movie
Classics channel.  It was "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane," an old campy
movie with Bette Davis and Joan Crawford that had become somewhat of a cult
film among the gay crowd.  The place reeked with the smell of beer and
cigarettes.  Rhapsody danced about from room to room emptying several cans
of deodorizer.  The sweet scented mist hung in the air like a heavy
curtain.

Rhapsody was never adept at cooking, but did keep a freezer full of frozen
dinners and pot pies and store-bought pizza.  Oh yes, she would serve Tony
a Pizza when he arrived.  All young men love Pizza.  Hurrying into the
guest bedroom, she moved the bed from its customary place over to the wall
opposite the door.  In this way, when she was in her own bed in her room
across the hall, she would be able to view Tony in his bed.  What a bright
idea that was, she thought.

Running into her room, she practically emptied her closet and laid most of
what she considered her best clothes on the bed.  After agonizing over what
she would wear, she decided on a pair of black toreador pants and a powder
blue silk ruffled blouse, perhaps unbuttoned to the navel, revealing some
sexy chest hair.  Mmmmm.  The pants, she figured, would not make her look
too feminine.  She needed to look really butch, she thought, for the
benefit of this lovely young man who would be spending the night with her.

Tony visited with Clayton for most of the afternoon, during which Clayton
slept off and on.  When Clayton's supper arrived, Tony sat with him while
he ate.  As the tray was cleared away, Tony could see that Clayton was once
again looking as though he needed to sleep.

"Clay," said Tony.  "I'm going to leave you now.  But I'll be back in the
morning."

"Are you going to stay here in San Antonio tonight?"

"Yeah, Maggie arranged for me to stay at Rhapsody's apartment tonight."

They both started laughing.  "Tony, be careful of that old queen.  She's a
real pistol.  She'll probably show you a hot time tonight."

"Clay," said Tony looking serious.  "I'm not in the mood tonight for a hot
time to be honest with you."  Taking Clayton's hand, he said, "I would
really like to just sit over in that chair and sleep right here with you
tonight."  Then after a long pause, "Clay, I've missed you.  I really want
to stay here with you."

Leaning over, Tony kissed Clayton on the cheek.

Clayton said, "I wish you could stay, too."



When Tony arrived at Rhapsody's apartment, he was almost overcome with the
smell of stale cigarette smoke, beer, and something that smelled
sickeningly sweet.  He was unable to hide his displeasure.

Rhapsody quickly said, "Oh, Tony, perhaps I used just a little too much air
freshener.  But when one desires one's home to smell nice and fresh, there
never can be too much freshener, I always say."

Plopping herself down on a bean bag chair she had bought at a rummage sale
long after bean bag chairs had gone out of style, she chirped, "Well, Tony,
you sweet thing, tell me.  How's Clayton?

"Well . . . ." began Tony.

"I heard about the dreadful things that happened to the poor lad,"
continued Rhapsody.  "You know, I think they need to arrest men who do
things like that to young boys."

"Well, they did . . . "

"If you want my opinion, they should find that man and hang him down on
Alamo Square by the balls.  Mmmmmm.  I think I would actually go to see
that."

"They've already . . . ."

"I understand they even wanted their young sons to perform . . . you know
. . . fuck him for their own entertainment."

Tony remained silent.

"Well, come on, Tony.  Tell me about Clayton."

"Alright.  I . . . ."

"You're awfully quiet tonight.  I know.  I have some pizza for us, and I'll
put it into the oven.  I'll be right back."

Tony was tired.  Actually he was exhausted from the excitement of seeing
Clayton and the worry he felt for him.  He really didn't want to talk to
Rhapsody, and he really wasn't very hungry.

Rhapsody soon came bustling back and handed Tony a small green salad.
"We'll just eat here in the living room.  There's no sense setting the
table."

Tony discovered he was hungry after all.  The salad had a small amount of
honey dijon dressing on it and it was delicious.  Soon, Rhapsody brought
out a pan with a number of slices of cheese and pepperoni pizza, which also
hit the spot.

"How about a beer with that pizza, Tony?"

"Sure.  That would be real nice."

One beer soon became three beers.  Tony did finally have a chance to tell
Rhapsody about Clayton's condition.  But as he spoke, he noticed that
Rhapsody had fallen asleep in her chair.  She had finished off four bottles
of beer, and was snoring lightly.  Tony felt that this would be a good
opportunity to go on to bed.  Taking a large shawl that was draped over the
arm of the sofa, he unfolded it and put it over Rhapsody so she wouldn't
get cold.  He then turned off the light.  After he finished brushing his
teeth and getting out of his clothes, he fell into bed, but left a small
light burning on the bed table so that he could glance over the itinerary
that Rhapsody and Maggie would have on their cruise to Australia.

Quickly putting the itinerary aside, he began thinking again about Clayton.
He liked Clayton a lot.  He was so glad that Clayton had agreed that
afternoon to go back home to the ranch upon the condition that he, Tony,
would still be there.  The word "love" kept coming into his mind and
passing over his lips.  He was sure he really did love Clayton.  The
thought of hugging him and kissing him excited him so much.

As Tony lay naked on top of the bedspread, he looked down at his penis and
watched it jump and jerk with each new thought he had of Clayton.  He began
to imagine what Clayton's naked body looked like, what his pubic hair and
his balls looked like.  Because Clayton had taken to going without a shirt
during hot days on the ranch, Tony had become quite familiar with the
erotic contour of Clayton's chest and the unusual perkiness of his nipples.
He longed, though, to someday see Clayton's asshole, to smell it, to taste
it.  He continued to look down at his hard penis as pre-cum semen began to
ooze from it and glisten in the light of the bed table lamp.  As he ran his
forefinger over the semen and rubbed it around on the head of his penis, he
closed his eyes and imagined that it was Clayton lying down between his
legs and running his tongue over the head of his penis.

Eventually, Rhapsody awakened and realized that Tony had gone to bed and
had put the shawl over her.  With the faint light coming from Tony's room,
she made her way into her own room across the hall without Tony seeing her.
She sat on her bed and began to undress herself quietly as she stared
open-mouthed at Tony slowly stroking his hard penis.  Since she was sitting
in the dark, he was oblivious to her presence.  Rhapsody was soon
completely naked, lying on her bed, stroking her own hard cock as she
luxuriated in the sight of Tony masturbating himself.

Tony began to quicken the pace of his stroking and his body began
stiffening up.  Rhapsody could see the contour of his gently rolling thigh
muscles as they tensed up.  She needed a closer view and moved off of the
bed onto the floor closer to her door.  Tony was beginning now to groan and
to say Clayton's name aloud.  Rhapsody could hardly stand it and tried to
move even closer to her door for an even better view.  Just as Tony started
letting out several short loud moans and as sperm began spewing in thick
white ropes out of his penis, Rhapsody clutched at the small table near the
door to pull herself even closer and accidentally pulled down a large
silver tray filled with wine glasses.  She spilled out of her door and
sprawled spread eagle into the hall, accompanied by the clatter of the
silver tray and the smashing of glass.  Terrified at what was happening,
Tony leaped out of bed, still shooting globs of white sperm from his penis
onto the floor.

When he saw what had happened, Tony looked down and yelled.  "For God's
sake, Rhapsody, what the fuck are you doing!?"

Rhapsody turned her head upward and with a sheepish grin on her face found
herself staring directly into the head of Tony's penis, still emitting
drops of sperm from its head.

"Ooooooo!" said Rhapsody, trying to hoist herself to her knees. "Just a
little taste, huh, Tony?"

Tony just stood there in stunned silence as Rhapsody slowly raised herself
up, enveloping the head of his penis in her mouth.  "Mmmmmmm," purred
Rhapsody.  "It's so sweet."

The sperm that had a few minutes before landed in pools on Tony's stomach
was now beginning to run down into his pubic hair.  Rhapsody raised herself
up further and cleaned up Tony completely with her tongue.

After the mess on the floor was cleaned up and they each got back to bed,
there was little time left for sleeping.  The next morning, Rhapsody arose
early and put on a pot of coffee.  Tony soon wandered into the kitchen,
looking tired and miserable.

"I'm sorry about last night, Tony," Rhapsody said.

"Oh, Rhapsody, I might have expected that from you.  Why is it that there
is always some disaster whenever you're around?"  Holding his head in his
hand, he continued, "It's always something with you.  Anyway, thanks for
letting me crash here last night.  And thanks for the beer and pizza.  I
gotta get over to the hospital now."

Tony took a shower, dressed and was soon on his way again to the hospital.
When he arrived, he found Clayton sitting up with a big smile on his face.

"Guess what, Tony," Clayton said.  "The doctor said he's going to discharge
me and I can go home today.  He said I'm in pretty good shape,
considering."

"Did he give you a complete examination?" asked Tony.

"Tony, has anyone told you what all happened to me?

"Yeah, and it sounded terrible."

"Well, the doctors examined my asshole and inside of my rectum.  You know,
when I was brought in here, I was bleeding pretty badly there, and it
burned like fire.  They gave me some suppositories that I have to use for
about a week because there's a little infection there, too.  Also, since
the tissue around my hole was torn slightly, I have to apply some salve
he's giving me every day.  I also have to go into Goliad a couple of times
to have a blood test done.  So far, there's no sign of STDs."

"What is that?"

"I don't know.  But I think it has something to do with diseases like
Syphilis and stuff.."

"Wow," murmured Tony.

"Tony, I called Michael this morning to tell him I can go home today.  He
said he would be glad to come up and get me.  But he said he knew you would
be happy to drive me back, and he said he thought I would like that.  I
told him I sure would."

Tony got up from his chair and went over and took hold of Clayton's hand
with his left hand.  At the same time, he ran his right hand up along
Clayton's slender arm and up under the short sleeve of his gown.  The feel
of the soft downy hair on Clayton's arm and the hair under his arm was
something Tony had only dreamed of.

Clayton smiled approvingly at Tony and asked, "Do you think Maggie's old
car will hold up on the trip back to the ranch?"

"Well, Clayton, my love . . . . "  Tony couldn't believe that the word
"love" had slipped out of his mouth so easily.  After an awkward pause, he
said, "I think we just need to do a lot of praying on the way back.

By mid-afternoon, they were on their way back to the ranch.  About half-way
there, they stopped for something to drink and a sandwich at the Lucas
Restaurant.  Josh Lucas turned to his partner and said, "Hey, Peter.  Isn't
that the young man in the picture that Mark McLeod showed us a few days
ago?"

"Yeah, I think it is.  He's looks like he's really in bad shape.  Look at
those two black eyes.  He's a great looking guy, otherwise, though."

"He sure is," said Josh.  "And I could have the guy with him in our bed any
day of the week.  Peter, maybe we ought to call Mark and tell him that this
guy is in our place.  I wonder if he's still looking for him.  Let's talk
to him first."

Stepping up to the counter, Josh looked at Clayton and said, "Are you
Clayton Adams?"

"Yes I am."

"Well, a private detective was in here looking for you a few days ago.  He
had a picture of you with him."

"Oh, yeah," Clayton said.  "He found me and kind of rescued me."

Tony said, "Clayton here was kidnapped by a family and sexually assaulted.
Because of Mark McLeod, he was rescued, but had to go to the hospital
because of his injuries."

Clayton and Tony ordered ham sandwiches and coffee.  When they were
through, Josh told them that the food was on the house and, if they had to
pee before they started out again, they could use the restroom attached to
their office.  Josh asked, "Are you two attached?  I mean are you partners
or lovers?"

Tony and Clayton looked at each other and shook their heads no.  Tony
looked at the eager looks on Josh's and Peter's faces and said, "I don't
think we need to use the restroom just yet.  I think we can wait til we get
home."

"Where's home, guys?" asked Josh.

"We're headed back home to the Walker Ranch," announced Tony.

"No shit?" shouted Josh.  "Michael Walker's contracted with Peter and me to
cater a big party that's gonna be held down there next weekend.  I think
it's supposed to be a going-away party for someone."

"Yeah.  It for our cook," said Tony.  "She came into a lot of money, so
she' gonna take a trip around the world or something."

"Great!  Then we'll get to see you two next weekend!"

Once again in the car and on their way, Tony said, "I hope you didn't have
to pee too bad back there, Clay.  I just had the feeling those two wanted
to follow us into the can.  And I'm just not into Tea Room cruising.  If
I'm gonna get my cock sucked, it's not gonna be in some public restroom."

Clayton laughed.  "I agree.  Actually I don't trust anybody anymore.  I
don't think I ever want to get caught alone anywhere with anybody."

Tony and Clayton drove in silence for several miles.  Then Tony said,
"Clay, I don't know if you want to talk about it, but why did you leave the
ranch without telling anybody?  I hope it wasn't something I said or did."

"No, no.  It was nothing like that.  It's kind of a long story, kind of
personal."

"Okay."

After driving in silence for several more miles, Clayton said, "Tony, you
might as well know.  You know, Michael's my uncle.  He's really acted
pretty nice to me.  He even said I could call him 'Dad' if I wanted to.
I'd never known anyone to be as nice to me as he was.  He treated me like
his son.  He even said he loved me like a son.  No one ever hugged me or
kissed me before.  But he did.  He hugged me a lot and he kissed me and
told me he loved me."

"He really told you he loved you?" asked Tony.

"Yeah.  And for the first time in my life I felt love for someone myself.
I felt love for him.  He made me love him so much, I dreamed about the
times he would hold me tight and hug me.  I craved the feeling of his arms
around me, because then I never felt any fear of anything.  One night, I
felt so alone in my room, and I wanted to be with him.  I knew he would hug
me and make that feeling go away.  So I went into his room and just asked
him if I could lie down with him.  And he said yes.  Everything was so
perfect.  Especially because I could feel his skin against mine.  I felt so
warm and so safe."

"Didn't you have any clothes on?"

"No.  We did the ultimate together.  We masturbated together.  He was my
father.  He loved me, and I loved him so much."

"Well, then, why did you leave the ranch?"

"Because I came to realize he never loved me at all.  He wanted me to leave
his room before anyone would see us.  And in the morning, Maggie explained
to me that he and Karl were together and they were something . . . I think
she said they were committed to each other, and that I wasn't to interfere
with that."

"Oh, Clay.  I wish you had talked to me before you left."

"Tony, no one has ever done anything for me.  No one has ever thought
anything about me.  No one has loved me.  No one has even hated me.  I just
never existed.  My mom would look right through me.  She didn't even know I
existed.  My dad denies that I was ever born.  Michael doesn't really care.
He tells me I'm like his son, and he tells me he loves me, but he doesn't.
He doesn't care.  He doesn't care just like nobody else cares.  So why
should I stick around there."

"You seem like you're perfectly happy to go back to the ranch now," said
Tony.

"Yeah.  Why not?  Where else can I go?  I just wanted to get away when I
left.  But I didn't think about where I was going.  Pretty dumb, huh?"

Tony pulled off of the road into a small clearing.  He turned the engine
off and turned in his seat so he was facing Clayton.

"I want you to tell me something.  You say nobody cares about you.  Do you
think I don't care about you?  I risked my life in this junk heap to go up
there to see you."

Clayton chuckled.  "You didn't have to do that.  Besides this car runs
okay."

"Clayton, please.  Do you really think I'm just another guy who doesn't
care about you?"

"I don't know," said Clayton staring straight ahead.

"Back up there in the hospital, I tried to be cheerful for your sake, but
as hard I tried, I couldn't help showing my sadness for you and what they
did to you."

Clayton turned and looked at Tony.  "I know.  You had tears in your eyes."
After a long pause, he asked, "Did you really care what happened to me?"

"Of course I did.  Have you been so blind and so out of it that you never
noticed that I have been your friend from the day you stepped foot on that
ranch?  Didn't you have a clue that I wanted to be your friend?  You know,
I guess I was lucky in my life.  I did have one friend who did love me.  At
least he said he loved me.  But he was the only friend I ever had.  And
that was Karl.  I followed him down here when he left me in New York.  When
he turned away from me and committed himself to Michael, I thought it was
the end of my life.  I never knew my real parents.  I guess I was lucky
that I didn't, or they may have denied my existence like yours did.  When I
met you, I thought we had become friends.  Remember, we would go off and
talk for hours."

"I remember."

"How can you sit there and tell me you don't know if I cared for you.  I
love you like . . . .  Couldn't you ever tell when you looked into my eyes
what I felt for you?  Just don't ever tell me nobody cares for you or loves
you.  I've been there.  I've been down that road.  You're not going to get
sympathy from me!"

As Tony turned and looked out his window, Clayton turned and put his hand
on Tony's arm.  "Tony, I . . . I'm sorry . . . ."

Tony turned to face Clayton with tears in his eyes.  "I love you, Clayton.
God-damn it!  I love you."

Clayton was speechless and just stared at Tony.

"Okay, Clay, let's get on back to the ranch," said Tony bruskly, starting
up the car.  "You can go lock yourself in your fucking room and you can sit
there and try to figure what you're gonna do.  And if you decide to leave
again, do us the favor of slipping a note under our door so we'll know and
so we won't go out frantically looking for you."

Tony and Clayton drove the rest of the way back to the ranch in silence.
Clayton felt he was totally without words.  When they were parked in the
yard, Tony got out and walked into the house without speaking.  Clayton
felt completely confused and slowly walked back to his own room.  He had no
clothes, except what he had on.  His clothes and his razor and his little
radio were lost when he was being chased.  He looked in the small mirror
hanging next to the door.  What a mess, he thought.  He was so tired, he
lay down on the top of his bed and stared at the long crack that snaked its
way across the ceiling.

Clayton thought about Tony.  He had been so excited when Michael told him
that Tony missed him and had gone out looking for him, and when he learned
Tony was coming up to see him.  He lay there and said aloud to himself, "I
don't trust anyone.  I never have.  Why should it be any different now?"
Tony's words began to ring in his ears: "I love you, Clayton.  God-damn it!
I love you."  Clayton closed his eyes and as he felt himself drifting
toward sleep, he murmured the words, "I love you, too, Tony.  I love you,
too."

When Michael heard that Clayton was home, he rushed into the kitchen and
shouted, "Maggie, set up a tray of cake and milk and bring it to Clayton's
room in the bunkhouse.  He's home.  I'm going over there to see him."

There was no answer when Michael knocked on Clayton's door.  Finding it
unlocked, he pushed it open slightly and could see that Clayton was asleep.
As he stepped in, Maggie arrived with the cake and milk.

"Maggie, put the tray down over there and help me get Clayton undressed and
into bed."

As they undressed Clayton, Maggie said, "Oh, Michael, I can hardly bear to
look at the poor boy.  Those terrible black eyes and that awful bruise on
the side of his head.  How could anyone be so cruel?"

As Michael brought the sheet and two blankets up over Clayton, he said,
"Here Maggie, take these clothes and throw them in the washer.  They're
filthy.  He doesn't have any other clothes on the rack, so we'll have to
round up some jeans and shirts from some of the other guys.  You go on now,
Maggie.  I'll stay and be with him when he wakes up.  Thanks a lot for
bringing over the cake and milk."

Michael sat down in the padded chair beside Clayton's bed.  Taking
Clayton's slender hand gently in his own, he gazed on Clayton's young face
as he slept.  A thousand thoughts were racing through his head.  How could
he have allowed himself to mislead this dear, vulnerable young boy so
badly?  He never meant to hurt Clayton.  But he had.  How could he ever
repair the damage he had done?  He loved Clayton as though he were his own
son.  Giving into his own sexual lust to welcome this boy into his bed was
criminal, he thought.  He was no better, and he had no more honor than
Clayton's father, Jared.

As the sun finally went down, and the room became dark, except for the yard
lights that shown in the window, Michael fell asleep, still holding
Clayton's hand.  As the sun rose in the morning, Clayton awoke to find
Michael sitting in the chair, but leaned over with his head resting on the
bed next to his arm.

Clayton watched Michael breathing slowly for a long time.  He thought to
himself, "What have I done?  All this trouble I've caused so many people."
Michael's curly hair was hanging down over his forehead and into his eyes.
As Clayton reached down and brushed the hair off Michael's forehead, he
thought, "Why did I do it.  It was my fault.  It wasn't Michael's fault.  I
am so stupid."

As Michael woke up, he looked up at Clayton, taking his hand again, and
said, "Oh, Clayton, I wanted to welcome you home yesterday afternoon.  But
you were asleep and then I guess I went to sleep while I waited for you to
wake up."

"It's okay, Michael.  I'm glad you came over to see me.  I've been thinking
while I watched you sleep.  I have a lot to be sorry for.  I have a lot to
apologize for.  You have been nothing but the kindest person I have ever
known, and I was so stupid to do what I did.  I feel so ashamed.  I've
caused you so much trouble.

As Clayton's voice began to choke with tears, Michael stood up and lifted
Clayton to a sitting position where they hugged each other very tightly.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing was your fault, my dear son," whispered
Michael as he held on tightly to Clayton.  "I should have explained to you
when you came here about Karl and me.  After you had been here for awhile,
Clayton, I came to love you very much.  I think I had gotten to the point
in my relationship with you that I failed to see the line between my love
for you as my son and the sexual love for you that I had allowed to build
up inside of me.  It was wrong of me.  I was the one, through my own lust,
who encouraged you.  I was the one who readily invited you into my bed.  I
was the one who took advantage of your need for someone to love you.  And I
was wrong.  Please, Clayton, forgive me for being so thoughtless and for
doing what I did to you."

As they broke their embrace, Clayton said, "There's nothing to forgive.
All I want now is just to go back to being your son and living here forever
in my new home."  Smiling and looking into Michael's eyes, he said, "You
know, I've been carrying around my mom's name, Adams, all these years.  I'm
really a Walker, aren't I?  My name should be Clayton Walker.  I'm Clayton
Walker of the great Walker Ranch!  Gosh, that makes me so happy to say
that!"

As they hugged again, Michael said, "It makes you no happier than it makes
me!"


After breakfast was served to the ranch hands, Maggie and Tony sat down
finally at the kitchen table to eat their own breakfast.

"Okay, Tony," said Maggie, with a questioning tone in her voice.  "What's
eating you?  You came storming in here yesterday afternoon and went right
to your room without a word.  Did you have some sort of argument or
something with Clayton while you were driving home?"

"Oh, Maggie, I don't want to talk about it."

"I know, Tony, but you're gonna talk about it whether you want to or not.
I'm not going to have you moping and sulking around here.  It's not good
for my nerves to have people moping and sulking around me.  Now what is
it?"

"Oh, I'm just pissed off."

"It has something to do with Clayton, doesn't it.  Whatever it is, you've
got to realize that he's been through a lot the last few days."

"I know he has, Maggie," said Tony.  "And I've tried to be nice and
understanding with him.  But he just acts like he doesn't want me around.
I thought he seemed like he was glad to see me when I went into his
hospital room.  But then the next day, he just acted funny and kept
brushing me off and telling me he was never gonna trust anybody again."

"He didn't mean you, Tony."

"Yes, he did.  I laid awake all night trying to figure out about him.  I
don't know what to do, Maggie."

As Maggie handed him the dish towel, she said, "Here Tony, dry your eyes.
I know how you feel."

"No you don't Maggie."

"Oh yes, I know how much you love Clayton."

"What?"

"Oh, Tony," Maggie said, putting her arms around him, "This is old Maggie
you're talking to.  I've been around the block a few times.  I'm no
stranger to these things."

Sitting down next to Tony, she said, "Tony, I happen to know Clayton loves
you, too."

"How would you know that."

"I just know.  When we were on our picnic last week before he left the
ranch, I sat and listened to both of you tell about yourselves.  Your
backgrounds are a little different.  But you're both very much alike in
many ways.  It was so obvious to me that you both need the same thing
. . . someone who will love you and commit himself to you.  You both have
been disappointed deeply on that score in your lives.  I saw the deep
understanding that was written across each of your faces as you each told
about the sadness and loneliness you had suffered in your life.  You both
knew, and you both understood, and you both, at that moment, loved each
other in a way that you knew no one else would understand."

"But I suppose you understood," said Tony.

"Don't be sarcastic, Tony.  Of course I understood.  I already told you,
. . . ."

"I know," interrupted Tony.  "You've been around the block a few times.
Okay, Maggie.  You're right.  Of course I . . . love Clayton.  I lie awake
at night thinking about him and wanting him so badly.  And I hope you're
right about him, too.  I hope he . . . you know . . . loves me, too."
Looking into Maggie's eyes, he said, "You're just an old Gypsy, Maggie.
What else does your Crystal Ball tell you?"

"Tony, I can't see into the future.  But I pretty well know what's going on
now.  You have to take my word for it.  Clayton is still suffering from
what has happened to him, not only physically, but he's also hurting in his
heart and in his mind.  Be patient.  Be loving, Tony.  Just let him get
better.  Believe me, he does love you.  Just be patient.


Once again, my thanks go to all of you who have commented on this story,
even those who have taken me to task rather harshly on such things as plot
twists and how I treat some of the characters.  I'm able to learn something
from all criticism, and I hope I have been able to make the story better as
a result of it.  My other commitments and obligations lately have not
allowed me the time to answer all responses I have received, but I hope
that will change shortly.

Please write Tom Borden: tombor99@yahoo.com