Date: Tue, 21 Jan 2003 10:01:59 -0800 (PST)
From: Tom Borden <tombor99@yahoo.com>
Subject: "My Father, My Son"  79th Installment

This is Chapter 79, the final installment of "My Father, My Son."  All the
conditions, warnings, and disclaimers listed at the beginning of the early
chapters of this series apply.  All comments are welcome, constructive or
destructive.


Send to:   Tom Borden,   tombor99@yahoo.com


My Father, My Son
Chapter 79

Caleb had looked forward with so much anticipation to Steve's homecoming.
Hearing Steve say that he had met someone sent chills up his spine.
"Steve, what do you mean, you've met someone?"

Steve walked back inside and sat down on the sofa.  "Caleb," began Steve,
"do you remember Dan?  The guy who came to the Walker Ranch about the same
time I did?  We had been very attracted to each other, but because of the
stupid aloof way I acted, he picked up and went off to El Paso.  On the
way, you may remember, he met a guy by the name of Shane.  They lived
together for awhile, but Shane apparently treated Dan badly, bringing
around all his other lovers and flaunting them in his face.  Dan finally
left and went back home to New England.  When I was up there the other day,
I ran into him and . . . ."

"Did you . . . I mean . . . did you . . . ?" asked Caleb softly.

"Yes, Caleb.  I went to bed with him.  My feeling for him just came
flooding back over me.  I'm sorry, Caleb.  I thought about not telling you.
But I just can't lie to you."

"You still love him, don't you." Said Caleb.

Tears began to flood Steve's eyes.  "I don't know.  I just don't know.
Until I met you, there really was no one I wanted more than Dan."

Caleb didn't know what else he could say.  He got up and went into the
kitchen, returning in a few minutes with wine for both of them.  "Thank you
for telling me," said Caleb.  "Thank you for being honest."

Caleb had always had the feeling that the love that he and Steve shared was
too good to be true.  There was nothing he could do now but to continue to
show Steve all the love he could and not cause a scene.  He would let Steve
work out whatever was happening in his own time.  He let Steve talk about
it whenever and in the way he wanted to.  When they went to bed that night,
they took each other in their arms and held each other tightly.  Nothing
was said until just before they went to sleep when Steve whispered, "I love
you, Caleb.  I'm sorry."


Two days before Christmas, Jake went into Goliad to pick up his Christmas
present for Jumper.  He had the week before bought a pair of boots for
Jumper and had taken them in to have his monograph burned into the side of
each of them.  Before returning to the ranch, he stopped by the Cock and
Balls Lounge for a couple of beers.  Sitting at the bar, he began to think
about his son, Jacob, languishing in jail.  He remembered what Michael had
said about how he should tell Jumper that they were related.  He just
didn't know what to do.

Soon a scruffy looking cowboy came in.  He looked about thirty-five.
Standing next to Jake, he said, "Anybody sittin' here?"

"Nope," said Jake.  "Sit yer ass down.  Yer new around here, ain't ya?"

"Sure as hell am.  My name's Roy.  What's yers?"

"I'm Jake.  Where ya workin?"

Roy said, "Jist started workin' over at the McGinnis place.  They's nice
people, but it's a shitty ranch.  Kinda run down.  But they pay me pretty
good."

"Where'd ya come from, Roy?"

"I been workin' over at the King Ranch. But it's too fuckin' big.  They
don't give a shit about nobody.  They work ya like a fuckin' mule and don't
pay nothin' neither."

Jake said, "Well, I heared the McGinnis Ranch was gonna sell out to some
developer."

"I heared that too," said Roy looking around the room.  "Hey, what is this
place?  A friggin' fag bar?  Look at them girly-boys over there in the
corner.  They're kissin'!  Ugh!  One of them better not come near me.  I'll
beat the shit outta 'em."

Jake laughed.  "They won't bother ya, Roy.  Jist don't pay no fuckin'
attention to 'em."

"I don't see no women in here, neither.  Not that I'd fuck around with any
of 'em."

Jake said, "Don't ya like women?"

"Sure I do, but I git all the fuckin' I want from my old lady."

"Yer married?"

"No way, man!  I got a good lookin' cunt that follows me around wherever I
go.  We live in a little place right outside of the McGinnis Ranch.
Ooooo-eee!  Can she fuck!  She takes the old cock anyplace I wanna put it!"

"Anyplace?" said Jake.

"Yup, anyplace.  In her sloppy wet pussy, in her mouth, up her ass,
anyplace, anytime."

"Ya like fuckin' her up her ass?"

"Hey, man, that's the best.  And that's the place she likes it the best.
She kept sayin' it was too bad she didn't have a fuckin' cock on her so I
could find out how good it is."

"Well . . ."

Roy continued, "One night, she got hold of a fuckin' candle and while she
was suckin' on me, she started to slip that fuckin' candle up my ass.?"

"Yeah?"

"And she was right.  That candle touched somethin' up there and made me
shoot a load like I never done before."

"Yeah?"

"And then one night while I was layin' in bed waitin' fer her to come outta
the bathroom, I look over and she's standin' there in the doorway with a
big strap-on cock hangin' off the front of her.  I about shit.  I about
laughed my fuckin' balls off."

"Yeah?" said Jake as he felt his own penis begin to jerk and throb.

"Well, shit.  She come at me with that big thing bobbing up and down and
told me to git my fuckin' legs up in the air.  She was gonna show me what a
real cock felt like."

"Yeah?

"Well, lemme tell ya.  That was the best fuckin' feelin' I ever had.  Now
ever time we git in bed, she fucks me with her big strap-on, and then I
fuck her.  Nothin' better."

Jake said, "But she gits fucked with a real cock, and you just git a
plastic thing up yer ass.  It ain't like the real thing."

"Well, sure it is.  It's shaped just like a fuckin' cock and got a big
fuckin' head on it."

"No it ain't," said Jake.  "If ya like to git fucked by a cock, it
shouldn't jist look like a cock, it should be a real cock."

"What you sayin, man?  I ain't gonna let some girly-boy stick his cock up
me.  No way!"

"Nah, you don't need one of them to do it.  Ya know, me and you have gotten
to be friends here.  I wouldn't lead ya astray.  If ya take a real cock up
yer ass, it should be from someone ya know and trust.  You've confided in
me, so I know ya trust me, don't ya?"

"Sure, man, I trust ya."

I'm jist sayin that fer yer own good and yer own fuckin' education, you
should let me show ya how good a real cock would feel.  I mean it'd be real
private and nobody has to know."

Roy looked at Jake in the eye and said, "Yer tellin' me you'd show me what
a real cock feels like?  That sounds real dirty."

"No, no," said Jake.  "It ain't dirty.  You already like it up the ass.  I
jist think ya need to know what yer girl friend is tellin' ya.  She's
tellin' ya a good hard fuckin' cock up the ass is the best.  You need to
find out fer yerself.  And ya might as well take this opportunity to find
out.  Nobody needs to know and we won't tell nobody."

Roy paused and said, "Well, I dunno.  Hey, have you ever taken a fuckin'
cock up yer ass?"

"Sure, lotsa times."

"You ain't one of them fags, one of them girly-boys, are ya?"

"No, Roy!  I ain't one of them.  I fucked a shit-pot of women in my day,
but I'm jist like you.  I found out one day I loved it up the ass.  T'aint
no harm in that.  Guys gotta do what feels good.  And a good hard cock up
the ass feels fuckin' good."

Roy hesitated and then said, "Well, I don't know where we would do that."

"I do," said Jake.  "Follow me."

Jake took Roy by the arm and went into the men's room.  Going into one of
the stalls, he said, "Now pull yer fuckin' pants down and lean over the
toilet.  Remember this is jist fer yer fuckin' education so you'll know
that girl ain't lyin' when she tells ya a real hard cock up the ass is the
best."

Roy pulled down his pants and leaned over the toilet.  Jake dropped his own
pants and looked down at one of the prettiest asses he'd ever seen.  He
gently pulled the two firm ass cheeks apart and peered into the crack.
There hiding behind a soft thicket of black hair was a very red and
puckered asshole.  Pulling out a tube of grease he always carried, Jake
squeezed a little onto the hole and rubbed it in.  Then moving up close, he
slowly pushed his gorged penis into the hole.  Roy began to moan.

"Does it feel okay?" asked Jake.

"Shit, yeah!" came the reply.  "Push it in all the way."

Jake pushed Roy's shirt up to around his neck and ran his hands over the
firm, extended muscles that covered his back.  He ran his hands down lower
and took hold of Roys very thin waist.  Holding on, he began pumping the
full length of his penis into the man's rectum.  "Is is still okay?" said
Jake.

"Yeah!  Fuck me really hard!  Hey!  Are ya gonna cum inside of me?"

"Sure.  Is that okay?"

"I don't know."

"You'll love it, Roy.  It's part of having a real penis up yer ass.  And
the feeling of hot cum flowing into you is a feeling you'll never forgit."

Roy was swiveling his hips slightly as though he wanted Jake to go deeper.
Soon Jake said, "Okay Roy.  I'm gittin ready to shoot my fuckin' cum into
ya.  Hold on!"

Roy could feel Jake's hard penis throbbing against the rim of his asshole
and could feel the warm flow of Jake's sperm as it flooded his rectum.
When Jake finally stopped pumping, Roy said over and over, "Oh my God.  Oh
my God.  I ain't never felt nothin' like that before."

As Jake pulled out, Rod straightened up and began stroking his own hard-on
over the toilet.

"Wait a minute, Roy," said Jake.  "You know, I like to git fucked by a real
cock, too.  Remember?  What d'ya say?"

Roy turned around and said, "Ya mean ya want me to fuck ya?"

"Sure."

"I ain't never done that before."

"But don't ya think I'd like to git fucked too?  If ya liked it a lot,
maybe ya could thank me by giving me the same pleasure."

Roy smiled and said, "Listen, old man, you are some-fuckin'-thing else.
Okay.  Turn around and I'll give it to ya."

As Jake leaned over the toilet, Roy pushed his penis into Jake's asshole.
"Hey, this feels better than my old lady's fuckin' asshole.  It's so
fuckin' tight."

It was only a matter of seconds before Roy's whole body slipped into a
powerful orgasm.  As he looked down at Jake's ass, he suddenly found it
erotic beyond anything he had ever know to be shooting his sperm into
another man's ass.

When they had finished, they pulled up their pants and washed their hands.
Back at the bar, they had one more beer each.  Then Jake said, "Well it's
gittin' late.  I'm gonna have to git back to the ranch."  Extending his
hand, he said, "It's been a real fuckin' pleasure, man."

Roy said, "It's been more than a fuckin' pleasure.  Yer right.  Gittin' a
real cock up the ass is somethin' I can git real used to.  I think I'll
stay here and have one more fuckin' beer."

As Jake was climbing into his truck, Roy came running out.  "Hey Jake.  You
know . . . do ya think maybe . . . well, maybe we could . . . you know
. . . you and me . . . git together agin sometime?"

"Sure, Roy.  Here's my number at the Walker Ranch.  Give me a call
sometime.  Now that we're what they call 'asshole buddies,' maybe we could
have some fun."


It was a quiet Christmas at the Walker Ranch.  Michael and Karl had decided
to postpone the trip they had hoped to take to Australia, primarily since
their recent shipment of cattle had brought less money than expected and
business appeared to be heading for a slump.  Also, Jeff and Paul were not
going to able to accompany them.  Paul had to spend the time when school
was out to work on a new lab project, and Jeff had taken a part-time job as
a bartender at one of the hotel lounges in Austin.  They were both able,
however, to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at the Ranch.

Enrique and Noah were going to spend Christmas Eve and Day with Caleb and
Steve.  Josiah and Brian had been invited by some school friends to go
skiing with them in Colorado over the holidays.  Terry Murdock had to work
at Francois's on Christmas day, but he and Adriano would be spending
Christmas Eve with Mario and Frack.

A rare light dusting of snow had fallen on Christmas Eve, and by Christmas
Morning, everything was white.  Jumper had never seen snow and was
delighted to get outside.  There wasn't enough to make a snowman, but he
and Jake made some snowballs, with which they pelted each other.  By noon,
however, the snow was gone, and the countryside looked back to normal.
Back inside Jake's room, Jake took out a box wrapped in red and white
Christmas paper with a green bow.

"Merry Christmas, my boy!" said Jake handing the box to Jumper.

"Can I open it?" asked Jumper.

"Of course!  What the fuck day do you think this is?  Halloween?" said Jake
with a laugh.

Jumper tore open the box to find his new boots.  "Oh, Jake!  They're so
nice!  Are these really for me?  And they have my initials on the sides!"

Jumper took off his old boots and slipped on the new ones.  "This is a
wonderful Christmas present.  I never got no Christmas presents before.
These'll be wonderful when I ride Red Beauty!"

"C'mon, Jumper, let's git over to the horse barn.  I want ya to git on Red
Beauty and I'll take a picture of ya with yer new boots on.  Karl lended me
his camera."

"Okay, but I got a present for you too, Jake," said Jumper as he pulled a
small box from his chest.  "Go ahead.  Open it!"

Jake said, "I don't git many Christmas presents neither."  The thought that
Jumper was giving him something made him start to choke up a little before
he even opened the box."

"Aren't ya gonna open it, Jake?"

"Sure I am.  I jist wanna look at the pretty paper on it fer a minute."
Jake slowly opened the box and took out the hand-tooled belt.

"I made it myself," said Jumper.  "But I had a little help from Karl."

Jake sat down slowly on the side of the bed and unrolled the belt.  As he
looked at it, tears started rolling down his cheeks.

"What's the matter, Jake," said Jumper. "Don't ya like it?"

Jake felt so emotional, he couldn't speak, but he motioned for Jumper to
come and sit next to him.  Finally Jake said, "It's beautiful.  I've never
had a belt so beautiful.  Oh, Jumper.  I don't know what to say.  Did ya
make this jist fer me?"

"I sure did," said Jumper as he rested his head on Jake's shoulder.  "You
done so much fer me, and I never done nothin' fer you.  It ain't much, but
I hope ya like it."

Jake took Jumper in his arms.  He couldn't stop the tears.  They just kept
rolling down his cheeks.  "I'm sorry, Jumper.  I jist can't help it.  This
beautiful belt is the most wonderful gift I ever got.  Especially since you
made it fer me.  God, Jumper.  How I love you."

Jake held on to Jumper for a long time, and neither of them said
anything. Finally, Jake had himself under control and took off his bandana
from around his neck and wiped his eyes.  Looking down at the belt, he ran
his fingers over the carved design.  "What a beautiful job you did on this,
Jumper.  I'm gonna put it on right now.  Then git that camera over there
and take a picture of me.  And be sure to git the belt right in the middle
of the picture."

As soon as Jake buckled up the belt, he spread his arms and put a big smile
on his face as Jumper snapped the picture.  "Okay, little buddy, let's go
on out and git a picture of you on Red Beauty!"

After Jake took Jumper's picture, he said, "C'mon over here and sit on this
bale with me for little bit.  She's a beauty, ain't she.  Tomorrow morning
first thing, I'm gonna have ya take her out and see how she feels to ride."

Jumper got up and went over to pat the horse again and rub her nose.  Jake
looked at him as he returned to sit down.  "Ya have her eyes," Jake said as
he stared into the boy's face.  "And yer hair is golden jist like hers."

"Who ya talkin' about, Jake?"

"C'mon back and sit down here," said Jake.  "I got somethin' I gotta tell
ya, and I don't know really how to do it."

Jake told the whole story about how he and Jeanette Thomas were the parents
of Jumper's father, and how she named him Jacob Thomas, and how her father
took the baby and sent him to the agency.  "Jumper," said Jake, "So you
see, yer daddy is my son.  And that makes you my grandson.  Jumper, I'm
sorry."

Jumper lay his head in Jake's lap and started to cry.  Jake caressed his
head.  "I'm sorry, Jumper.  I'm really sorry."

Jumper looked up and said, "Are you telling me the truth, Jake?  Are you
really my grampa?"

"That's right."

Jumper felt so confused.  He could hardly believe that his dad was Jake's
son.  "He couldn't be yer son, Jake.  He's such a bad man."

"I know, Jumper.  He wouldn't have been a bad man if me and his mother had
been allowed to raise him.  But it's the fuckin' truth.  He's my son."

Jumper sat up and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.  "Jake, I think it's
pretty good being your grandson, but I'm really sorry that my dad had to be
your son."

Jake and Jumper talked about it for another half-hour.  Then Jake thought
it best to get off the subject.  He stood up and pulled Jumper to him and
they hugged and kissed deeply.  "You know, it's Christmas, Jumper.  And
it's starting out to be one of the best Christmases I've ever had.  Pretty
soon it'll be time fer us to git washed up to git this fuckin' horse shit
smell off us and go on over to the house fer Christmas dinner!  Are ya
hungry?"

Before they left the barn, Jumper said, "It's a pretty good Christmas for
me, too.  I love the boots, and I love my grampa!


Terry Murdock had settled in well with his new job at Francois's
Restaurant.  But his problems with Andre, the owner's son, persisted.  One
night after the restaurant closed, Terry went to Francois's office to talk
about the poor condition of the linen napkins and tablecloths.  As he was
telling Francois that he believed new linen needed to be ordered, Andre
came in.

"I hate to interrupt this little tete-a-tete you two seem to be having
every night," said Andre sarcastically.  "But I'm glad you're both here.  I
have a complaint.  I might as well tell you so you can both hear, I'm
getting fed up with your superior attitude, Murdock."

"Andre, please," said Francois.  "You're out of order talking like that."

"Oh, dad, I know the two of you have your noses up each other's ass.  Has
he fucked you yet, Murdock?  Huh?"

Francois stood up and shouted, "That is totally uncalled for!  Now get out
of here!"

Andre slumped into a chair.  "Dad, please.  I'm your son.  Is Murdock's ass
a better fuck than mine?  Huh?  It's been a while, hasn't it?  Ever since
this English snob came around, I haven't been good enough, have I?"

Terry stood up and said, "I'd better leave now.  It's getting late, and I
need to get home."

"No, Murdock, stay," said Francois.  "We're not going to leave it at this.
You might as well know.  I'm sure you have suspected that there was
something between Andre and me, Murdock.  It might as well come out in the
open."

"Yeah," said Andre, "and you might as well tell him, too, why you hired
him.  Go ahead.  You didn't know anything about what kind of waiter he was.
But you took a good look at the basket between his legs and his perky
little ass, and thought, 'Fuck Andre, I got me a new piece of fuck meat!'
Right?"

Francois sat down and, looking Andre in the eye, said, "I had hopes for
you, Andre.  I really did.  But I've had it.  I've had it with you and your
never-ending foul disposition.  You're no longer needed here, Andre.  I
want you out of here now.  You're no longer a part of this family.  And
when you go looking for another job, don't expect any recommendation from
me!"

Andre stood up and, with as much malice as he could muster, said, "Well,
fuck you!  Fuck you both!"  As Andre whirled around and left, he slammed
the door behind him.

"I'm sorry, Francois," said Terry shaking his head.  "This is all my fault.
I should have realized from the beginning that I was an interloper in your
family.  I should have understood that before I accepted the job."

"Don't be silly.  Sit down, Murdock," said Francois.  "I'm the one who
needs to apologize.  Andre has been nothing but a problem to me lately."

"But I know it's all because of me," said Terry.

Francois said, "I have no choice but to be very open with you, Murdock.
I'm sorry I hadn't been right from the beginning.  You made no secret of
the fact that you have a lover of your own, that dear boy Adriano.  I
should not have pretended that I am something I am not.  Yes, it's true.
My son, Andre, and I have been lovers ever since he turned thirteen.  I
know that must shock you."

"It really doesn't, Francois."

"And I cannot pretend, also," continued Francois, "that I have not found
you enormously attractive.  You're a stunningly handsome and sexual man.
But Andre is wrong when he says I hired you only for your looks.  I am not
a fool.  If you had not had the superb credentials and references you had,
you would not have been hired.  That is the truth of the matter."

"I appreciate that, Francois," said Terry.  "I was not unaware that you and
Andre had a relationship that went beyond the normal father son thing.
From the very start, Andre did his best to clue me in on that.  And
Francois, your relationship with your son doesn't shock me.  I've recently
met several other men who have very close and beautiful relationships with
their sons.  In fact, my Adriano has a relationship like that with his own
father."

As Terry got up to leave, Francois walked up to him said, "Terry, I know I
shouldn't do this.  But would you let me kiss you before you leave?  Now
that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, I suppose there's no need for
me to be shy about this anymore.  Yes, in addition to your fine
credentials, I do find you unbearably attractive.  I admit it."

"Oh, Francois, I suppose it's appropriate now for me also to admit to you
that I find your dark looks extremely appealing.  Of course you can kiss
me.  I would like that."

Francois, who was somewhat shorter than Terry, stepped up to him and looked
up into his face.  "If you would bend your head down just a little,
Monsieur, so that I can reach your lips . . . ."

Terry obliged, and they kissed several times lightly on the lips.  Standing
up straight, Terry said, "Thank you, Francois.  That was nice.  I'm very
glad that the air has been cleared, as it were, and that we know each so
much better now.  I suppose I should thank Andre for that.  I must be going
now.  Adriano and I will be having a late supper tonight at Pedro's."

"Oh, my!" exclaimed Francois.  "Mexican food?  How could you?"

"I love Mexican food, Francois.  And Pedro's Chalupas are the best in
Texas!"


Josiah had been thinking over various scenarios for a possible novel.  He
knew he wasn't really ready academically to tackle such a project, but he
nevertheless was eager to discuss his ideas with Dr. Borden.  Knowing that
Tom would very likely be working in his office over the holidays, Josiah
paid him a visit.

"Hi, Tom!" said Josiah cheerfully as he entered Tom's office.  "If you're
real busy, I'll come back some other time.  I wanted to talk with you about
some plot ideas I've been thinking about."

Josiah walked up to Tom, who was standing at a bookcase, and put his arms
around him and kissed him lightly on the lips.  Tom did not respond as
passionately as he had when they were at the ranch.  "What's the matter,
Tom," said Josiah.  "Oh, I must have come at a bad time.  I'll come back
later."

"No, Josiah," said Tom.  "Please stay.  Please sit down.  Josiah, I've been
thinking about everything . . . you know, about you and me.  I've been
thinking that maybe it would be best, this coming semester, if you took
someone else's class, you know, with another professor.  There are a number
of good professors in this department, and I think I could recommend just
the one who would be good for you."

"I don't want another professor, Tom," said Josiah.  "Don't you want to
work with me anymore?"

Pulling up a chair and sitting directly across from Josiah, Tom said, "It
isn't that, Josiah.  I love working with you more than anyone else.  You're
the most talented student I've ever had, and I'll tell you it's an honor to
have you want to be my student.  But, Josiah, think about what we talked
about . . . you know, down at the Walker place.  The understanding we have
about the feelings we have for each other . . . .  I can see you're content
with that.  But it isn't enough for me, Josiah.  Even though I can kiss you
and hug you, you remain a fantasy to me.  You'll never be mine to love you
the way I need to love you.  And you'll never love me as I need to be
loved.  Do you understand a little of what I'm saying?"

"I understand," said Josiah.  "But I don't understand why that means you
can't be my teacher anymore."

Tom leaned forward and took both of Josiah's hands in his.  "Josiah, you
and I think of each other in different ways.  I crave something from you
that you can never give.  I can't give you the best I have in the way of
mentor or teacher as long as I am so distressingly distracted by my desire
for you.  It's not fair to you, nor is it fair to myself to be so close to
and want somebody as much as I want you.  I want you in every way, Josiah."

Josiah shook his head and said, "But that doesn't mean . . . ."

"Josiah, please try to understand.  I think of practically nothing but you.
I see your face and body in front of me when I read, when I lecture, when
I'm sitting with my family having dinner.  You've become an obsession with
me to the point that I even hate my own family for keeping me entombed in
this marriage and preventing me from having you.  Josiah . . . my dear
sweet boy . . . I have to get a grip on myself and break this cycle of pain
and longing.  It's killing me, Josiah.  There's no other way.  Please
understand.  You have Brian, and you love each other.  I just don't belong
in this equation, and I've got to get out of it.

Tom stood up and walked back to the bookcase and stood there with his back
to Josiah.  Josiah walked to the door and said, "Tom, I think I do
understand.  I'm sorry.  If it would help, I won't do any more kissing or
hugging.  We could just be teacher and student like it used to be."

"No, Josiah, that won't help," said Tom.  "When you register for next
sememster, please register for Dr. Carington's class.  He's a good teacher,
and you'll like him."

Josiah left without a word.  Tom sat at his desk, hating what he just done.
As tears rolled down his cheeks, he whispered, "Oh, God.  I wish I was
dead."


That night, Josiah and Brian took each other into their own bodies and
reveled in the sweetness and depth of their love for each other.  As they
lay exhausted beside each other, Josiah said, "Brian, something happened
today when I went in to talk with Dr. Borden.  I thought that he and I
could be good friends, but I shouldn't have been so naïve.  He's wanted
to be more than that."

"It figures," said Brian with a yawn.

"His feeling for me has been tearing him apart.  He says the only thing
that can help him would be for us not to see each other anymore.  He wants
me to sign up for another professor next semester."

"It's probably best, Josiah," said Brian.

"But I feel so bad about it," said Josiah.  "I won't go to see him again if
that's he wants, but I'm going to miss him."

Brian propped himself up on one elbow and, looking down at Josiah, said,
"Josiah, he had no business wanting to fool around with you, anyway.  He's
married and has kids not much younger than you."

"Have a heart, Brian.  Surely you remember what it was like wanting someone
you could never have.  The fact that he's married doesn't mean he can
renounce all the feelings he was born with."

"Well then," said Brian, "He shouldn't have gotten married in the first
place."

Josiah rolled over on his side, facing the other way, and said, "Go to
sleep, Brian."

Brian did go to sleep very quickly, but Josiah lay wide awake thinking
about Tom.  He wished that Brian had been more understanding.  Getting up,
Josiah went out onto the balcony, hoping that the dark figure would appear.
"If you're there, I'd like to talk with you," Josiah said softly as he
settled into a chair.  "And don't come and tell me again that I have all
the powers to fix everything.  This is different."

Soon the familiar voice came out of the darkness at the other end of the
balcony.  "My, my, my, Josiah.  You're a strange one!  First you don't want
me to talk to you, and then you do want me to talk to you.  I'm terribly
busy, so we'll get right to the point.  You don't really understand what is
happening with Tom, do you?"

"I do, kinda," said Josiah, "but it makes me unhappy and confused."

"Well, let me put Tom into perspective for you.  I know he's never
mentioned it to you, but Tom had once fallen deeply in love many years ago
with another student while he was in college.  If I do say so myself, I
have never seen a love between two people as profound and sincere as the
love that Tom and his friend, Jeff, had.  After three years, because of a
good deal of social and family pressures, the relationship ended.  I
haven't time to go into details, but Tom never really recovered from losing
the love of his life.  He never found anyone after that who measured up."

"I didn't know," whispered Josiah.

"In the meantime, his family put great pressure on him to marry and have a
family.  Since there were no other prospects for a relationship with
someone like Jeff, and rather than live his life alone, he gave in and
married.  It happens all the time, Josiah, to young lonely men who have
been hurt.  Tom isn't the only young man who has ended up like this.  There
are thousands and thousands all around you like him."

"There are?  He's not the only one?" said Josiah.

"Certainly not.  You can't recognize them usually.  Most hide their private
longings and go about living the lie valiantly.  But some don't, of course.
Josiah, when Tom found you, he could see that you were everything he ever
wanted and searched for all these years.  But as everyone knows, my boy,
life is made up of one long series of choices.  Tom made the choice to get
married because he thought at the time that it was the only thing to do.
But in the process of making choices, humans also make mistakes.  Most
people, as they get older, can point to their lives as a catalog of missed
opportunities, filled with 'what ifs' and 'might have beens.'  There are
some mistakes that cannot easily be undone.  Tom loves you very much, but
he will never do anything for the sake of that love to destroy the lives of
those in his family in a misguided effort to undo the mistake."

"But I don't want him to destroy his family," said Josiah.  "Why can't we
just be friends?"

"He already told you, Josiah.  He wants and needs more with you than just
being friends.  And to have that, he would have to leave his family.  And
he's wisely not going to do that.  He will never, however, be free of the
painful yearnings he has suffered and will continue to suffer.  Don't be
hard on Tom, my boy.  What he did today was right.  For your sake, and
especially for his, he needed to pull back into the reality of his life.
You have been a powerful fantasy to Tom.  But the fantasy has taken hold of
him and he has let it harm him in ways he can't control.  But he's now
taking the right course.  I know you love Tom in your own way.  But because
you love him, the best thing you can do now is to let him work things out
in his own way."

"And that means I can't ever see him again?" said Josiah.

"If that is what he has decided, yes, that's what it means.  Josiah,
please.  You're a bright young man.  Think of him.  Let him deal with the
pain in his life the way he sees best.  He'll work it out.  I need to go
now.  Are you alright?""

"I'm fine," sighed Josiah.  "Thank you.  I think I want to cry."

"Go ahead, my boy!  Then go on back to your dear Brian and tell him you
love him."


On New Years Eve, Michael told Jake that he and Jumper could spend the
night at his little house in the Cottonwoods.  Since the house was on a
rather high knoll, they would have a good view of the traditional New Years
Eve fireworks over in Goliad put on by the fire department at midnight.
Noah and Enrique were invited to go to Goliad and spend the night with
Caleb and Steve and watch the fireworks from their balcony.  Tony and
Clayton had been invited to take the bus up to San Antonio where they would
stay over and celebrate New Years Eve with Mark and Corky.

Jeff and Paul, however, drove down to the ranch to be with Michael and Karl
that evening, as well as on New Years day.  Most of the ranch hands were
also off somewhere, but for those who stayed back on the ranch, Tony had
made a couple of hundred sandwiches that would be available for them when
they got hungry.

The weather had turned unusually warm, and the snow of Christmas Day was
only a distant memory.  After mixing up a pitcher of margaritas and a
pitcher of daiquiris, Michael suggested that the four of them sit out on
the front veranda where they could see the fireworks in the distance over
in Goliad when midnight arrived.

"Dad," said Jeff, "Why aren't you having Scotch tonight, as usual?"

"Well, it's New Years Eve.  We've got to drink to the New Year with
something special.  Anyway, I like a good margarita now and then.  And I
know Karl likes daiquiris.  But you two boys take whichever one you want.
But if you want beer, there's plenty in the refrigerator."

Before Tony left, he had prepared a large platter of snack food that would
take the place of supper.  There was cold shrimp, Italian sausage and a
variety of cheeses and fancy breads that Steve had donated to the gathering
with his best wishes.

Michael and Karl were eager to tell Jeff and Paul about the new things that
were going to occur at the ranch over the coming year.  Michael said,
"We're going to modernize our operation a bit.  We're going to buy a
helicopter.  It's time we had a way of getting out to trouble spots on the
ranch quickly instead of always having to saddle up horses or drive out
there.  Also, we make a lot of trips, not only to Goliad and Victoria, but
up to San Antonio on business.  There are also times when we need to go to
other places like El Paso and Houston.  It'll pay us to get modern like so
many of the other ranches around here.  The Borden Ranch next to us has had
helicopters for several years now."

Karl said, "It might interest you to know also that we're ceasing the
practice of branding our cattle.  It's been a long time since we drove our
herd up the Chisolm Trail to Abilene.  We just don't need the brands
anymore to keep our herd separate from other's herd on the drive.  Now
we're simply going to clip a tag to the ear of every steer."

"And in addition to that," said Michael, "We've decided to convert four to
five thousand acres into crops.  We'll be purchasing a new modern combine
and some other equipment."

Karl added, "Yes, and we'll be constructing another barn adjacent to the
horse barn that will also contain a much larger tack room.  And we'll be
relocating our round-up area about a mile from here with new shoots and
gates that will make it much easier to load the cattle onto trucks, and in
a more efficient manner."

"And do you realize, Jeff," said Michael, "that this old house was built in
1880?  It needs a hell of a lot of upgrading.  It needs a new roof, and the
plumbing is old.  Also, we're going re-do the kitchen to make it much more
efficient in preparing meals for the crew.  We'll be building a covered
walkway from there to the dining hall and purchase some modern hot carts to
transport the food to there from the kitchen."

Jeff shook his head and said, "I thought you were having a slump in
business with the economy not so hot these days."

Michael said, "That's true, but while we don't really want to spend the
money on a trip to Australia this year, we do have the money to upgrade and
modernize the business.  It's long overdue."

As the evening wore on, the tray of food was finally empty, and great
inroads had been made in the two pitchers of drinks.  Midnight had finally
arrived and everyone turned their chairs to face in the direction of Goliad
so they could see the fireworks.  Right on schedule, the first burst of a
rocket appeared in the sky.

Jeff looked up and said, "That's beautiful.  That looks just like I feel
when Paul blasts off!  I see stars and sparks every time he shoots his
rocket off in me!"

"That's a pretty good analogy, Jeff," said Karl.  "I can see what you mean.
Your dad affects me the same way sometimes."

"What do you mean, 'sometimes?'," said Michael.  "Don't I have that effect
on you every time?"

"Well, I don't want you to get the idea you're perfect," said Karl as he
patted Michael's bulge.  "How about you, Paul?"

Just as another rocket exploded in the sky, Paul said, "Look!  That's me
when I blast off!  Everyone of those rockets going off are perfect orgasms,
wouldn't you say.  Hey, don't you think we need to wish one another happy
New Year?"

Paul got up and leaned over Michael and gave him a big kiss.  At the same
time, Jeff went over and knelt down next to Karl's chair and kissed him.
At the same time, he slipped his hand down in under Karl's belt and took
hold of a very large penis.  "Excuse me, Karl," said Jeff with his words
slightly slurred.  "I think I had a few too many drinks.  I just can't
control my hand."

As Paul was leaning over Michael kissing him, he took the cue and unzipped
Michael's fly, pulling his hard gorged penis out into the open.  "Now
there's a real rocket for you," said Paul, having a little difficulty with
his own slurred words.  "I'll bet you could blast that rocket off with lots
of stars and sparks!"

Michael reached over and unzipped Paul's fly and pulled his penis out.
"Maybe we should have a contest, Paul," said Michael, as he moved his mouth
close to Paul's penis, now producing a long elastic string of pre-cum.  "We
can see who can shoot the biggest explosion!"

All four were by now feeling no pain, so to speak, but had slipped into a
state of horniness that was almost uncontrollable.  Michael said, "Don't
you think it's getting a little chilly out here?  Maybe we should go on
inside and get comfy."

Very quickly, all four were lying naked on Michael and Karl's bed, writhing
around in a tangle of hot skin like a tub of snakes.  Jeff began running
his tongue wildly over Karl's beautiful Italian skin, quickly finding the
hot, moist cave between his firm ass cheeks.  The hair that filled Karl's
crack was soft and wet and the feel of his tight pucker on his tongue drove
Jeff into a frenzy.  As he ran his hands lightly over the hair on Karl's
legs, he thrust his tongue as deeply as he could into Karl's rectum.

Michael had Paul on his back and began running his tongue over the soft
fleshy part of Paul's upper inner thighs, then lightly tickling Paul's ball
sack with the tip of his tongue.  Michael was on his knees with his round
ass cheeks sticking up in the air.  As Jeff continued tongue-fucking Karl,
he reached over and ran two fingers into his dad's asshole.  Both Karl and
Paul were lying on their backs with their bodies pressed up against each
other, and were kissing each other wildly and passionately while Jeff and
Michael were working on their assholes.  Michael then moved down and gave
Paul's legs a total tongue bath, running his tongue over the soft hair that
covered them.

Karl motioned for Jeff to rise up and sit on his face so that he could take
in the hot moisture and odor of Jeff's crotch.  As Michael continued
licking Paul's legs, Paul leaned over and took Karl's gorged, throbbing
penis into his mouth, sucking it furiously and running his hands over
Karl's slender, but muscular legs.

Soon, with Michael on his back and his thighs pressed tightly against his
chest, Paul mounted him, pushing his hard penis into Michael's hole.  The
sight of his dad lying there getting fucked by Paul was almost more than
Jeff could take.  Pulling his crotch off of Karl's face, he lowered his
face onto his dad's chest and stomach, licking it furiously.  Then, lying
on his side, and taking his dad's penis into his mouth, Jeff felt Karl's
face pressing into his ass crack.

Pulling Jeff over and onto his back, Karl lifted Jeff's legs and thrust his
penis into Jeff's asshole.  There lay Michael and his son, both getting
fucked by the other's lover.  Just as Jeff had, Michael was aroused almost
beyond endurance watching his son being fucked by Karl.  Paul and Karl were
pumping in rhythm with each other and the bed was bouncing wildly.  Then
simultaneously, their orgasms took hold of their bodies and, as they
growled and moaned, they shot their loads into the rectums of this father
and his son.

When they had all caught their breath, Karl and Paul rolled over and lay on
their backs.  As Michael mounted Paul, Jeff moved his head down within
inches of Paul's asshole and watched his dad's long hard penis as it
entered the hole and began sliding in and out.  As Jeff moved away, Karl,
now up on his knees, lay his head on Paul's stomach and took Paul's penis
into his mouth.  Jeff, now behind Karl, looked into Karl's ass crack and
filled it with saliva.  He then got on his knees and fucked Karl from
behind.  As Both father and son fucked the other's lover, they looked into
each other's face as they contorted and as their orgasms took over their
bodies.  With loud grunts and groans, they both shot their loads into the
rectums of the other's lover.

The four hot bodies lay there, catching their breath and breathing in the
heady smell of sweat and sperm.  Soon they lay on their sides in a sort of
daisy chain, licking up the sperm that was now oozing out of their
assholes.  Michael was sucking on Jeff's asshole, Jeff was licking up the
sperm that Karl had deposited in Paul's asshole, Paul was sucking out
Karl's hole, and Karl was lapping up Paul's sperm from Michael's ass crack.

As the four lay side by side, idly running their hands over one another,
Jeff said, "I wonder if Noah and Ricky had as much fun with Caleb and Steve
tonight."

Michael said, "I'm sure they had fun, but no more than we did.  I'll bet,
also, that Tony and Clayton are having a wild time with Mark and Corky.  I
always wished I'd had a chance to get fucked by Mark, that gorgeous hunk of
a man.  We'll have to ask Tony and Clayton how it was."

"Maybe sometime we can get Mark and Corky down here for a romp in bed,"
said Karl.  I've also been thinking about Jake and Jumper.  They are so
much in love.  I hope they're having a good time tonight."

Jeff said, "You know, I don't think any of us have ever had Jumper.  I
wonder if he would ever consent to he and Jake having a foursome sometime."

Michael said, "I really don't think it ever entered Jumper's mind to do it
with anyone else.  He has eyes only for Jake.  But I have to admit, Jumper
is a really cute guy, and I'll be the first to admit here that I'd love to
fuck him sometime."

Jeff said, "I don't think any of us will disagree with that."

Michael sat up and looked down at the other three sweaty bodies sprawled
out before him.  "We're pretty lucky, though.  We and all our friends are
lucky in love.  Caleb and Steve, Enrique and Noah, Adriano and Murdock,
Mario and Frack, Josiah and Brian, Mark and Corky, and of course, Jake and
Jumper.  Life is good.  And the coming year promises to be great.  Happy
New Year, you guys!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* *

The following year was good for the Walkers and all their friends.  But as
the next thirty years rolled by, while there were joys and happy times,
there were also the inevitable periods of sadness and heartbreak that come
as one grows older.  Shortly after Jake had turned 80 years old, he
suffered a series of heart attacks, which kept him confined and unable to
do his duties as Foreman.  On his 83rd birthday, he suffered a massive
stroke and died in his sleep.  He was buried in the Walker family plot in
Goliad.

Now ten years after Jake's death, Jumper, having turned 44 was the Foreman
on the Walker Ranch.  Jumper had completed only the sixth grade when he
first arrived at the ranch, and never went back to school.  He had become
an expert horseman and, along with Enrique, had participated in a number of
rodeos as ropers and bronco busters, winning a number of awards.  Jumper
and Enrique became a team and always signed on to the rodeos together.
They worked the San Antonio rodeos primarily, but also roped in the rodeos
at El Paso and Dallas.  Jumper always tried to emulate the kind and
thoughtful ways of his grandfather, Jake, and was admired by all the ranch
hands who worked for him.

When he graduated from high school, Noah received several college
scholarships.  He chose to go to SMU in Dallas and pleaded with Enrique to
move there with him.  But the ranch was all that Enrique ever knew, and he
refused to leave after he finished high school.  Now 46 years old, Enrique
had, for the past five years, lived in the main house with Jumper, his
rodeo partner and lover.  While they came to love each other very much, the
hurt they suffered from losing both Noah and Jake never went away.

Noah, now also 46, eventually received a doctorate in psychology from SMU
and was a practicing psychologist in Dallas.  He had fallen in love with
one of his clients five years after getting his license and the two of them
had lived together as loving partners ever since.

Caleb and Steve eventually broke up.  The re-entrance of Dan in Steve's
life had caused too much of a strain on their relationship.  Steve finally
sold his business and moved back to New England.  A year later, Caleb had
heard that Steve and Dan were living together for a time, but that Dan had
left Steve for someone else.  Steve then decided to go back to his wife and
live the life of a married man as best he could.  Steve was now 83 years
old.  He and Caleb had exchanged a few letters and Christmas cards early
on, but it had been years now since the correspondence stopped.  Caleb, now
in his mid-seventies and retired, never forgot Steve and often wondered and
hoped that he was in good health.

Caleb never again had a steady relationship.  He often visited his son,
Noah, in Dallas, where the three of them would occasionally have nights of
sexual activity.  Noah finally insisted that his father move to Dallas so
they could be closer.  Caleb always liked the small town and country
atmosphere in Goliad County, but eventually relented.  He was having some
health problems and thought it best that he be close to his son.  He was
now in his fifth year as a resident of Dallas and was enjoying the constant
attention that Noah was giving him.

Mark and Corky had also some years before retired and sold their private
investigation business.  Mark had taken up painting and had become quite
good enough to have some of his Texas landscape paintings exhibited in San
Antonio.  They eventually moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico, where they bought
a small house on Canyon Road, the heart of the artists' colony in that
town.  Corky was also discovering latent talents in the arts and had done
some sculpting in clay that received favorable attention.

After six years, the relationship between Mario and Frack came to an end.
The love they had for each other was strong to the end, but Frack had begun
to feel the call of the road, especially after several of his biker family
had contacted him and wanted him to rejoin them.  Mario had expected this
to happen from the beginning, so the heartbreak of losing Frack was
softened a bit.

Terry Murdock had retired from the restaurant business and had now been
dead for eight years.  He died in his sleep from heart failure.  In
accordance with his wishes, he was buried in Ireland near the graves of his
mother and father.  Adriano accompanied the body and saw to it that there
was a proper burial.  After that, Adriano never made any effort to kindle a
lasting relationship with anyone else.  He lived quietly with his father,
whose health was beginning to fail.  Adriano, now planning on retirement in
another year, decided to take an extended trip through Italy and several
other European countries with his father, who was now well into his
seventies.  It would be a last chance for his father to see his homeland,
and perhaps the few relatives who were left.

Ever since Clayton had arrived to live on the ranch, he had felt a general
restlessness and a feeling of uselessness.  He and Tony had always done
well together, but although Clayton truly loved Tony, he went through
periods of extreme boredom.  America had been involved in a number of
military actions in both Southeast Asia and the Middle East, and Clayton
decided he wanted to join the Army.  Tony became depressed and anxious, but
he and Clayton corresponded weekly with each other, which kept Tony's hopes
alive that Clayton would come back to live with him when his term was up.

One day, two Army officers came to the ranch to inform Michael that Clayton
had been killed in action and that he would be posthumously awarded the
Purple Heart.  They wanted to know what Michael would like insofar as
Clayton's burial was concerned.  Michael informed them that he would be
buried in the Walker family plot in Goliad.

Clayton was only twenty-three when he was killed.  Michael, who was at the
time in his late forties, tried to be philosophical about it, but it was
hard.  Often in the ensuing days, he went over and sat with Jake.  Jake had
always brought meaning to every dark day that Michael had ever suffered.
Jake had no formal education, but Michael always thought that he was the
wisest man on Earth.  He could fix even a broken heart.

A few days after Michael had his seventieth birthday, one of the greatest
tragedies of his life occurred.  Karl had often taken the helicopter out on
the range to inspect the herd.  When the pilot was attempting to land, the
helicopter suddenly lurched to one side.  The rotor touched the ground and
flipped the craft violently upside down.  Both Karl and the pilot were
killed instantly.  Michael was in Goliad dealing with the owner of a feed
store when the call came from the ranch.  Michael raced back, but there was
nothing he could do.  He went into shock and, hardly aware of what he was
doing, proceeded to arrange for Karl's funeral and burial in the Walker
family plot.  It wasn't until the morning of the funeral that what had
happened hit Michael like a ton of bricks.  He was inconsolable.  Jeff and
Paul were unable to quiet him.

According to their partnership agreement, in the event of the death of one
of the partners, his interest in the ranch would automatically revert to
the other partner.  But in his Will, Karl had left $725,000 of his personal
savings to Tony.  His relationship with Tony since they were youngsters had
always been a special one.  Tony had now lost both Clayton and Karl, the
two people he loved the most in his life.  He and Michael became very close
in their grief.  Even though they did not become lovers, they spent a good
deal of time together and gave each other strength.

Jeff had gone on and received a Ph.D. at the University of Texas and had
been teaching there for some years.  About a year before Karl's death, Jeff
turned 47.  He and Paul decided to give up their teaching jobs and move
back permanently to help run the ranch.  Since both Michael and Karl were
getting up in years and were slowing down, they welcomed Jeff and Paul's
help.  After Karl's death, Michael spent much of his time alone at his
little house in the Cottonwoods, in spite of Jeff's efforts to get him out
and resume his life.  Jeff and Paul, still very much in love, for all
practical purposes, took over the running of the ranch.

Francisco, the Latin entertainer, with whom Michael had long ago had an
affair, came to visit Michael.  He was now fat and bloated looking with
dyed black hair.  He was no longer able to get work on the nightclub
circuit and was heading back to Argentina to retire completely.  Neither he
nor Michael found each other attractive anymore.  Michael was still in
mourning for Karl and Clayton, and Francisco was full of negativity and
resentment over losing his looks and his prospects.  It was the last time
they saw each other.

Ol' Ben had a younger brother, Frank, who, at an early age, left home and
went to California to "make his fortune."  Frank died shortly after Ol' Ben
died, leaving two grandsons, Andrew and James, 14 and 15 years old.  Their
mother was divorced and was having a hard time handling these two
adolescents by herself.  She contacted Ol' Ben's son, Michael, about the
possibility of having the two boys go to live on the ranch.  She believed
they needed male supervision and an environment where they would be put to
work and stay busy.  Michael and Jeff both agreed to have the boys at the
ranch, and were happy that they would once again have some young faces
around the place.  Having them there brought Michael out of his shell.
They were attractive young men, and Michael spent a great deal of time with
them, teaching them to ride and getting them used to ranch life.  As ranch
foreman, Jumper put them both to work and enjoyed having them around.
Jumper took a great deal of pride in the fact that both Andrew and James
regarded him much the way he had regarded Jake.  A real love developed
between the two boys and Jumper and Enrique.

Josiah was now 51 years old and was still as attractive, in a mature way,
as he ever was.  He also had gone on to earn a Ph.D. and became an
award-winning novelist.  He traveled a great deal around the country for
book signings and to give lectures and do television interviews.  His
active life was hard on his relationship with Brian, who stayed back in
Austin where he ran his own business as a veterinarian for farm animals.
The work took him to ranches all over South Texas, but rarely was he able
to travel with Josiah to the far reaches of the country.  Josiah was still
home based in Austin and did all of his writing there in their large house
on the lake south of town.  When they were both home, they always made up
for lost time.  Josiah would call or e-mail Brian every day he was gone,
but when they were home together, their sexual relationship was renewed
with passion.  Even though there were temptations when they were apart,
they both scrupulously kept their vows to each other.  They never forgot
the time they both nearly died together in that terrible automobile
accident and the bond that was miraculously created between them at that
time.

Josiah and Brian had returned to Goliad for Jake's funeral, and Josiah
wrote and read the Eulogy.  Never had anyone at the Walker Ranch ever heard
anything so beautiful and moving.  Josiah related how he, as a homeless
drifter, had one day come upon Jake in the woods as he was about to take
his own life.  He told about the miracle of how they saved each other's
lives that day.  Every book that Josiah had written was dedicated to Jake
on the title page.

Tom Borden was now 71 years old.  He had not spoken to Josiah since that
day long ago when Tom had told Josiah they shouldn't see or work with each
other again. Now retired from teaching for the past six years, Tom still
spent a great deal of time writing books and articles for scholarly
journals.

Tom's wife had just passed away due to colon cancer after several difficult
months of hospitalization.  But the freedom that he had once longed for was
not what he had imagined it to be.  After nearly forty-six years of
marriage, he now looked back, in ways he hadn't anticipated, over his
married life and the fact that he was now alone.  It had been a good
marriage that produced two wonderful sons.  Tom now realized it was his
fantasies of love and sex with other men that had taken hold of him and
made him lose his perspective in recent years.  And those fantasies were
all born out of the novel he was writing, "My Father, My Son," and the
characters he created.  Over the past two years, as he wrote chapter after
chapter of this novel, Tom had become obsessed with the story.  The
characters he had created had become real to him and he had fallen deeply
in love with some of them, especially Josiah.  Fantasies began overtaking
his thoughts and even his body.  The fine line between fantasy and reality
began to blur.  Disturbing frustrations and powerful longings were
beginning to develop---all growing out of the story and its characters.
Tom had always been an intensely emotional person, deeply moved by the
beauty in people, as well as the sadness in people's lives.  Tom realized
that his state of mind was of his own making.  He decided to end the story
and relegate "My Father, My Son" to the fictional archives where it
belonged.  He would always remember those dear souls who occupied the story
of the Walker Ranch, but it was now time to let them grow old, as they
inevitably would, just as he was doing, and then move on.

Even though he was now alone, Tom knew he could never go back to the gay
life of his youth when people told him he was good looking, and when he
could write his own ticket, so to speak.  Furthermore, he suddenly came to
realize that he really didn't want to go back into that gay life again.
Now that he was alone, a certain peace and calmness had come over his life,
even though those longings to find someone to love who would love him were
still back there somewhere in his subconscious.

In recent years, Tom and his brother, Terry, visited the family's Borden
Ranch more frequently.  The peacefulness and the sound and smell of the
animals brought back such pleasant memories of their childhood together.
While the ranch continued to be owned by Tom and his brother, it had, for
many years, since their grandfather died, been managed by a resident
manager and his family.  But Tom and Terry were always welcome to visit and
stay as long as they wished.

Tom put the large house they owned in San Antonio on the market.  His two
sons, now 44 and 42 years old, had lives of their own in nearby towns.  Tom
decided to make his home at the ranch.  There was a small house not far
from the main house that had been unoccupied for years, and that is where
he would live.  The house was in a run down condition, but Terry agreed to
help Tom repair it and modernize it.  It would be a quiet place where he
could at last have the privacy in his life he had craved.  A number of
writing projects in the mainstream market were in the offing, and with his
love of writing, this quiet and remote setting would give him the peace and
solitude he needed to work on them.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

My thanks to all of you who have appreciated this story and have written me
in response to it.  Obsession in itself can be good if it is directed
toward worthwhile things.  But extreme obsession with a fantasy can be
debilitating and destructive, especially when one is not free to act on
those fantasies.  I could see that happening in my old age, and in the
aftermath of recent events in my life, I realize I have to get a grip on
myself and get back to reality.  I plan to live down on the family Ranch as
long as I feel I need to, realizing that the time may come when I am ready
to go back to city life in my beloved San Antonio.  I'll let that happen
when it happens.  I may even, someday, write a few short one-installment
stories again for Nifty, but none as intense as "My Father, My Son."  In
the meantime, my love to all of you who have been so generous with your
comments, praise, and criticisms of that story.  That is the one thing I
will miss.

Tom Borden
Tombor99@yahoo.com