Date: Mon, 04 Aug 2003 12:59:32 -0700
From: Bob Stardog105 <stardog105@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Sexual Childhood 1:Caring for Baby Bobby

I was dozing in the small bed in the early afternoon. My diaper was sopping
wet around me. It was growing cold next to my skin. I started to fuss. The
babysitter came over to me. She smiled she knew it was time for more fun
with me. I was picked up and moved onto the hard changing table where she
could have more control over me, watch me closer. My blanket was slipped
away as was my sleep wear so I was just in a vest and diaper. She unpinned
the diaper and folded it back, rolling it down as she lifted my legs up high
over my chest. She pulled the diaper out from under me. Separating my legs
she could look at my infant genitals. They were real small and pale. She
brought my legs up high again, folding them at the knees. Now she could see
my anus. It peeped out between my fleshy cheeks.

I felt the free air and warm sunlight across my genitals. My little penis
struggled up into a baby erection barely an inch in length. She spread my
legs wider to allow the erection to wobble and bob free from my thighs. My
scrotum hung down loose, heavy with swollen testes, out of proportion to the
small penis.  When it stood up stiff it showed the head was completely
covered in a sleeve foreskin allowing just part of the penal head to show
through the folds of puckered skin.

I shiver as the urge to empty my bladder passes through me. Urine starts
with a few hesitant drops but continues into a full flow. My foreskin traps
the force of the stream, letting the pale liquid flow unevenly out and down
my erection, down the back of my thighs and into the fold of towels on the
changing table.

My legs are spread wider and wider as I urinate, so that every detail can be
seen and as if to urge me to continue to pee.

As the flow slows down to dribbles, my erection collapses, slumping over to
the left. My legs are lowered to the table top but positioned wide apart.
The babysitter reaches for a tin of Vaseline, putting a large amount on her
index finger. She flexes my knees so that my feet touch sole to sole while
the legs lie on the counter. This position separates my cheeks again,
getting the anus to show. She slowly presses her finger tip to the anus,
pressing it smoothing until the whole finger is inside my rectum. She
rotates it around, lets it glide over the sensitive tissue deep in me. She's
seeing if I need a bowel movement.

I feel the pressure and then feel myself being filled by her finger. My
penis immediately erects again, sticking up, straining in its foreskin as
the finger revolves inside me.

She smiles as she sees my involuntary reaction. She searches carefully for
the small spot where she knows I have my immature prostate. She uses extra
finger pressure on it. She does not find enough in my rectum for a bowel
movement but before she removes the finger she rubs everything inside once
more as if to loosen me up. She reaches especially deep now, letting the
finger tip probe as high up as she can press. Them the finger comes out in
smooth unhurried glide leaving my anus slick with a mix including Vaseline
and mucus from my rectum.

I have been trained to lie perfectly still on the changing table so no
matter how invasive or uncomfortable or long the examination, I lie with my
legs open and my arms out.  Anytime I squirmed or tried to roll away, my
legs were taken up and short stinging slaps administered to my spread
behind, instantly making me cry. By now I docilely accept anything done to
my rectum and genitals.

My babysitter knows from experience that after a thorough rectal rubbing my
penis has developed a strong erection that will last throughout the rest of
the changing play. She prepares hot soapy water and the necessary cloth
items for my bath.

I am placed on rubber sheeting and warm water is sluiced over my behind and
genitals. She next works up a soapy lather over her hands and then she puts
her hands in my groins rubbing everything especially my erection in her
soapy fingers. She separates out all folds and creases soaping me up. I am
rolled onto my side so a soapy finger can slip in and out of my anus,
causing a lot of stinging sensations. These are to induce me to a bowel
movement if possible but otherwise to keep the anus inflamed and very
sensitive for the Vaseline rubbing. I am rolled onto my back again and my
legs spread flat to the counter. In this position my pendent scrotum is very
vulnerable. She uses her soapy finger tips to rub the testes around in the
loose sack, applying pressure first at the margins and then at the center
crease, finishing with light pressure in rubbing them against my groin. This
activity keeps the testes large and full of fluid. My diaper is also kept
very tight so the scrotum is continually pressed against my body and feels
the friction every time I set up or crawl or kick my legs. But the most
careful attention is put on my infant penis. It is stroked inside soapy
fingers, rubbing it from base to tip. It is put carefully into a soaped fist
to first squeeze and than jack it vigorously. Its usual pale color flushes
to a bright pink. The foreskin stretches tight across the head, trapping it.

Once I have been sufficiently soaped, I am sluiced with clear warm water,
picked up to be patted dry in toweling before being laid down on a fresh
towel for handling in earnest. All that had happened so far was just
preparation for the manipulations to follow. The session would be gradual
and slow, every response in me would be observed and carefully remembered so
as to develop and exploit areas of increased sensitivity. There was no
possibility that she would be discovered. I was delivered to her for the
full day. My father would not be back to pick me up until early evening. She
lived in a rear apartment with no windows on the street. No passersby would
have even seen an entry door. She had endless hours to examine and
experiment with me. And this was possible day after day for weeks and now
months.

I'm sure she did not start with the intention of developing my sexual
responses. It was just an accident. I was the first child she had cared for.
My mother's illness more or less pressed her, our tenant, to do the work in
response to an emergency. As the illness dragged on, the care became
routine.  At some point in all this novel contact she enjoyed handling and
looking at my genitals. It might have just been something cute to her. At
some point I would have shown a pleasure reaction. She would have wanted to
try to get that response from me again. She would have experimented to see
what particular handling seemed to provide a quicker and a stronger reaction
from me. Once this interest became a regular pastime she indulged herself
any number of times each day to it.

"What's the matter? Bobby have a sore poopoo?" she crooned as lifted my legs
way high, separating my pink cheeks with eager fingers.

My anus was flattened to a broad red disk.

"Oh. Here's some rash and here too," she answered herself. "Well I know how
to make it all feel better."

She reached for a heavy tin of greasy Vaseline, scooping up a large dab on
her finger tip. She lavished it on the presented hole, smoothing it across
the puckered tissue, watching it ooze into all the creases and folds. Once
the area is completely shimmering in the thick oil she begins lightly
fingering into the anus, letting a finger tip ease just inside the ring,
withdrawing it and inserting it again.

I become agitated due to the rubbing of the inflamed surface, still smarting
from the recent soaping.

"Oh a naughty Bobby. No. No. No," she exclaims with a stinging slaps on my
upturned behind. Each hit is calculated to have the fingers graze the outer
rim of the anus causing it to redden even more.

After a few ineffectual cries, I am sufficiently bullied to be totally
compliant to all her manipulation regardless of the discomfort.

Realizing she has established "who's boss" with me, she relents, saying
"Well now, I'm sure I won't have to do that again. Just be still while I get
you all fixed up."

I smile up at her.

She takes this as my consent to begin the serious attention to my special
areas.

My legs are folded practically double over my chest spreading the cheeks
until the anus is totally revealed. Holding my legs in the position with one
are, she can let her inquisitive finger resume. This time the index finger
is introduced in a long smooth stroke until it completely fills the rectum.
Her hand is pressed firmly against the spread cheeks before she allows the
finger to wiggle and tickle at the deepest extent she can reach.

She sees me smile again.

"Oh you'll grow up a homosexual for sure, won't you?"

Uncomprehending, I smile the more at her.

She laughs at my seeming agreement.

She slowly withdraws the finger keeping it busy rubbing it around and
around. Once withdrawn, she loads it up again with additional Vaseline and
reinserts it. She does this several more times, packing Vaseline inside me.
Throughout the remainder of the changing session the warm Vaseline dribbles
out through my slack anus. She makes sure the anus is slack by finger
spreading it to see if it gaps nicely. It does. Should it not, well more
fingering is called for.

It goes without saying that when she looks at my oozing anus, she also
confirms that my penis is at complete erection as it should be. Her months
of sexual training of me brings consistent results. And knowing my bladder
needs and my reactions to the rectal rub, she anticipates my next activity.
Urination.

Out of the tip of the stiffened penis I begin to dribble amber drops. She
has continually plied me with bottle after bottle of milk or juice so as to
keep me urinating frequently. The rectal packing with Vaseline allowed her
constantly to rub over the expanding bladder until the inevitable.

Before a full stream of urine can spurt from me she places her lips lightly
over the tip of my penis allowing my hot baby urine to flow into her mouth.
She can take barely a couple swallows before I run dry. She greedily sucks
lightly to catch the last drops that might be clinging to my foreskin.

"Oh good baby. Good baby. Bobby went wee wee."

I grin back at her, I know I've done a good thing.

"Well baby needs a treatment to keep him healthy and happy, doesn't he?" she
asked knowing I'd grin up at her.

So that there is no chance I'll interfere with her careful attentions, I am
bound into position with spare toweling. My arms are flexed and put at my
chest with a single towel wrapped tightly around them. I cannot move either
hand down to protect my diaper area. Other towels are used on my legs, one
each so that the thigh and lower leg are wrapped tight together with both
legs then separated as far as possible. This gives her complete view and
access to my genitals and parted anus.

My penis is still stiff from the recent handling, my scrotum dangling in
loose folds above the red disk she has so recently fingered.

With skilled and practiced fingers she grasps my penis below the bulging
glans to slowly withdraw the sleeve of foreskin down to the stubby base. The
skin requires more and more tension to roll back over the head.

I start to fuss at the discomfort.

"Oh Bobby has a sore peepee. Don't cry. I'll make it all better."

With a little more pressure the foreskin snaps back from the small fleshy
nub, revealing a bald pink tip with a sharp edge of the corona. She
continues to work the foreskin down until it is completely smooth to the
shaft, the tie a thin vee under the pee slit.

During her beginning care of me she had spent weeks forcing my foreskin to
peel from the glans, causing me to cry. She would work the skin free using
two hands, taking the edge of the skin in her thumb and finger and pulling
it until I started resisting. She'd give my behind several hard smacks to
teach me to lie still and go back to working the skin loose. By now the skin
was elastic enough to retract smoothly with steady pressure though it still
was uncomfortable for me.

Keeping the skin tightly in place she takes a cotton swab drenched in baby
oil to blot the surface of the penis, covering it in a shimmering oily sheen
before releasing the skin to slowly edge upward covering most of the glans.
She steadies the stiff penis in her fingers while dripping more baby oil
onto the exposed section of the head, allowing the clear liquid to pool
under the cupped foreskin. The oil continues dripping until it runs down the
shaft of the penis over the parted scrotum and into the deep crease of the
anus, until every sensitive place is well covered.

"There baby isn't sore any more. But I have to work the medicine in so baby
gets well."

Both her hands roam over my diaper area as she smears the oil evenly
everywhere. She slips a finger to the second knuckle into my anus to confirm
it is still slack for the earlier rubbing and that the Vaseline is freely
oozing out. Next she lets her fingers trail up and down my genital package,
making sure my scrotum contents are rolled lightly against my groin. When my
scrotum begins to tighten from the stimulation, she carefully works it loose
again so it tangles the better to rub my testes. All the while she is
stroking my baby erection up and down. If my glans comes out too far she
works the skin back to recap it allowing all the oil there to keep it well
lubricated.

After a while she develops an obvious masturbation of my penis, jacking the
foreskin up and off the head. The penis becomes very rigid and takes on a
heady blush under the manipulation.

Before I progress too far, she recaps the penis and focuses on my anus and
rectum. First she brushes a finger tip across the split opening, teasing the
ring as it loosens under the pressure and then contracts afterward. Soon she
is introducing just the tip of the finger to flatten the ring, letting it
open easily after she withdraws. Then she presses the finger deep inside to
rub the rectal interior completely confirming the extra tension that has
built up around my infant prostate.

Her other hand is reworking my scrotum, lightly pinching the skin between
fingertips until the whole sac wrinkles and tightens up into a single hard
lump. Intermittently she rolls the testes as they become less free, until
she can only put light pressure against them when the seat into place. Once
this happens she can proceed with the manipulation of my erection.

When she was just learning how to play with me, she was most interested in
seeing if I could be forced to orgasm, even ejaculation. But it seemed for a
while that could not happen. She tired more and more activities on me to see
which would be irresistible to my body requiring me to come despite my
innocence. Once my foreskin could be held back in place to the shaft she was
able to attend to the little red glans and rub the flange and deep ridge
around it. This brought me seemingly very close to orgasm but she could not
trigger it before I became too sore to handle there. Week after week she
masturbated me but could not succeed in getting me to surrender to her. It
was only after all these sessions had built up tension in my little body
that she accidentally discovered what she knew was my fatal weakness, anal
stimulation.

By sheer chance as she was masturbating my exposed glans she let a finger
trail across my puckered anal lips. I shuddered. She repeated the action and
again I shuddered. Now with careful spreading she rubbed her finger over the
anus as my penis was peeled back and forth. I flushed and strained down, the
anus flowering against the friction of her oiled finger. Keeping my legs
open and up she continued to delicately play with the anus and masturbate my
swollen penis until she could tell I had no chance of holding back from the
final betrayal. She had found complete control over me.

By now I had been conditioned by the sequence of manipulation so that
everything lead me this total surrender. My sexual training was a total
success.

She keeps my legs spread and high, forcing the anus flat, to gap slightly
with the Vaseline tricking down my cheeks. The scrotum is reduced to a mere
nub, a knot, at the base of my infant erection. The penis, shimmering in
baby oil, sticks out ridged as a sore finger.

Using easy jacking motions she rigorously masturbates my impudent little
penis, which flushes deeper shades of red from the renewed handling.
Casually she lets a finger slip in and out of the rectum, causing the anus
to widen in a little greedy mouth. Soon she has the finger engulfed up to
her palm, pressing as high and as deep as she can. The foreskin has by now
been fully retracted to the chubby base leaving the glans bare to rubbing
against the inflamed corona.

My little body can take no more stimulation. The penis turns a blister red,
swelling until the pee slit is just a tiny dimple on the mottled head. She
instinctively begins rubbing against the area of my immature prostate
feeling it lump up in vain to try to expel ejaculate. My sore anus clamps
down, clinging around her busy finger. My little penis pulses in her
fingers. Spasm after dry spasm. My legs shudder and I try throwing out my
arms against the restraints. I feel an immense pressure pass through me. I
hear a huge sound.

Carefully, carefully, she lowers my legs down flat. She watches as my penis
instantly wilts to a tiny little squiggle of limp flesh, as the color drains
back to pale white. Nothing of the fight is left in me. My hair is damp with
the relief of the tension. My eyes shut as if in deep sleep, and in fact I
am asleep before she can pin a diaper up on me. But I know this will be
happening again very soon. And it will be happening any number of times each
day, day after day. It is inescapable.

Notes:

There was no video camera running to capture the events back then. I must
doubt if an infant can determine the difference between acceptable hygiene
and sexualization. So the above can be taken as a metaphor for dominant or
forced sex and less as a recovered memory. But there is some memory in it.
So it should not be discounted entirely.

As an adult I had a chance to talk with this babysitter. She confirmed the
basic aspects of her care though discounted it was too prolonged or intense.
Of course I could not ask her about anything intimate, but knew from my
father that she was even at a grandmotherly age still sexually active, just
as might be the case for an isolated young woman caring for her first baby
boy.

Questions, comments, your experience welcomed. Send to:
stardog105@hotmail.com