Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2001 23:13:05 +0100 (BST)
From: Sean@well-in.com
Subject: revisiting-the-past/revisiting-the-past-7

I've had ebough, since April atleast 3 people EVERY day (not exagurating)
have asked me what happens next, so now I'm going to finish what I have
started once and for all. Some people may find this story emotional, others
may find it explicit, so if you are offended by gay young male sex scenes
do not read.

Part 7:
Dust to Dust


The warm summer air drifted in through the open window, as Daniel tossed
and turned in his sleep. His eyes shot open and he sat up in cold sweat. "A
dream." He said under his breath, he looked at his stash, everything was
just how he'd left it. "That mean,s I was dreaming about Steve going back."
The hope this was true was the only thing to make him get out of bed that
morning, he ran downstairs to eat his breakfast.
	Mark came down half an hour later, wiping the sleep out of his
eyes. "Hey Mark, is Steve going to move back to the US, or was that a
dream?" He hoped what the answer would be, the thought it was real didnt
even occur to him, but he had to be sure.
	"Have you been smoking that shit this morning?" Mark laughed,
making some cereal and sitting down infront of the TV.
	"What do you mean, I have smoked any shit today, I just woke up."
He gave Mark an optomistic look. "Just is he moving or not?"
	Mark looked at him with a shocked look on his face, realizing he
was serious. "Well, yeah, he moved back yesterday, he'll be there later on
today." Daniel's face dropped into horror, he must have dreamt the only
thing that he feared that even compared to the thought of losing Steve.
	He put his head in his hands and stared aimlessly at the wall. "You
have to be shitting me, atleast I had the chance to say goodbye." He
thought of all the times he and Steve had been together, the first time
they explored each others bodies, the excitement, the pure ecstasy. He was
getting hard just thinking about it. But then the thought of never having
that happen ever again covered his body.
	"Try not to think about, afterall, you still have me." Mark smiled
at him, Daniel looked him in the eyes and smiled back.
	"But what about if you go off somewhere else, then its just me in
the big, wide world. I dont think I could handle losing you." He broke into
tears as Mark put his arms around him, holding him, protecting him,
comforting him, something Daniel had done to him so many times. Their eyes
met, and so did their lips.
	"Why dont we just go up stairs, mam and dad are at work, we have
the house to ourselves." Daniel found the strength to come face to face
with the naked body of someone he cared alot for, and followed Mark into
their bedroom.
	Mark took off all his clothes, exposing his erection. He began to
jerk himself off while Daniel pulled off every item, he wanted to go
through with it, he made himself go through with it.
	When they were both naked, their bodies pressed up against each
other, in a passionate kiss. Mark knelt down and his mouth wrapped around
Daniel's rock hard dick. He licked the head, then ran his tongue along the
shaft, before he caressed his brothers balls in his spare hand.
	Daniel's body shook all over as he exploded in Mark's mouth, a
burst of cum shooting down his throat, making him cough.
	"I love you Mark." Daniel said, putting his hand around Mark's cock
and jerking it until he came.
	"I love you too." They left their mess and went back downstairs, as
if nothing had happened.
	"Only one thing could make this moment better." Daniel said,
running back upstairs. Mark thought he was going to get a lecture about
Steve. Then he saw Daniel running down the stairs.
	"Coming for a session in the front room?" He asked, with his pot
and stuff in his hands. He sat at the coffee table and rolled two packed
joints, as they smoked, they knew that everything would be OK. One of the
good effects of cannabis is that you forget all your problems, which is
only bad because you have nothing to occupy your mind.
	A few weeks had passed, and Daniel still missed Steve as much as he
did when he'd first left. He was getting over him slowly. He sat in his
bedroom, while everyone else was out, he was alone, and thinking. All of a
sudden, the phone rang.
	"For fucks sake, dont say mam forgot something, I was just getting
relaxed." He picked up the reciever. "Hello...hello..." no
answer. "Hello..." He was getting annoyed, when a voice came back.
	"Is that you Danny? Oh, hi Danny, having a good time?" It was like
hearing a voice from the grave.
	"Steve?"
	"Surprise Danny boy, the boy back from the dead huh? I'm glad to
see that your keeping yourself busy, I've I know these things you see, I
know that when your in trouble you run, you run like you've never run
before, and you always run to a lover. Speaking of which, how is little
Mark? I'm sure hes taking up a lot of your time. We havent spoken for a
while, so I thought I'd give you a ring." There was a strange tone to
Steve's voice. The know it all tone of a teacher.
	"Steve, can you let me say something?" Daniel laughed, Steve didnt.
	"It would be better if you didnt say a word, I have something I
need to say which may change what you want to say a touch. I've been
thinking a lot, about something I thought would happen and eventually
has. You see, I love you, and I always will, but there will be times when I
have other people to love, and that time has come. I'm not breaking up with
you, I'm just telling you to move on, I have."
	There was a moment of silence.
	"In a few minutes I'm going to put this phone down, and this will
be the last time you ever hear from me, I'll just be a ghost in your mind,
never really there, but there all the time."
	"Steve, I.. I... I love you Steve." Daniel's mind was blank.
	"Its like it says in your favourite song, with these final words I
pull the switch..." He spoke the words rather than sang.
	"We turn to dust, turn to dust..." Daniel couldn't speak. He tried
to say something but he was in too much emotion to get it out. When he
managed to he was interupted.
	"Good bye Daniel." The phone went down, and that was it. The past
few weeks had been bad all round, but this was the worst part of it. Daniel
couldnt handle everything that had just happened, he broke down into tears,
they say big boys dont cry, not true.
	He heard his mam coming up the drive, he couldnt let her see him
like this, he ran upstairs and put some music one, not the most appropriate
song came on.
	"Is it OK if I speak to you today, You've been pissed off for a
week now, But nothing I could say could make you look up, Or crack up, Is
there anything that I can do, Anything that shows, Your a bitch, but I love
you anyway."
	Daniel's face went into the pillow, when he lifted it up to breathe
he saw the stain the tears had made, and on his rug, the stains Steve had
left. A million thoughts raced through his head, some about getting on the
first plane to the states, others about jumping from the top of his house,
but none of them took complete control.
	He looked in his second stash, the bottom of his sock drawer, for
anything that could ease the pain he was in. When he looked, he saw an
envelope. He looked at the front 'Daniel', Steve's handwriting. He opened
it, and inside wsa a piece of paper, a letter.
	 He wiped his eyes so he could read what it said.  "Dear Daniel,
	Over the years I have pushed myself as hard as I could, and in the
end theres one thing you should know, I put my trust in you, ive tried so
hard and got so far, in the end it doesnt even matter, I've ran so far to
lose it all, and this is what its come down to. I could never have the
strength to tell you this in person, whether you find it tommorow, a weeks
time, a months time or in a couple of years. All that matters is that I
have given up so much for you, and in the end I was the one who had to give
up our relationship. It could never have worked even if we tried so hard,
you belong in your country, I belong in mine.
	I know this is hard for you to understand, I'm not saying I dont
love you because I do, more than anything, but I need to be myself again. I
cant keep living for you and you cant keep promising to die for me, because
what we had is something we will never have again. If you find this message
before I call, dont make me tell you this again. But please, for old times,
I want you to do one thing for me. Take real good care of Mark, you dont
know how lucky you are to have him, dont let him do anything you and I
wouldnt do, and for gods sake dont let him go straight on you. Well I'll
have to go, I can hear you almost waking up. I cant promise to always think
of you, because I cant, but I can always remember you, and always love you.
Steve"
	The letter didnt help the situation. As he put it dont in the
bottom of the drawer. Looking out of the window, he now realized what Steve
was trying to say, one of the rules of life. Dont try too hard at anything,
because in the end it doesnt even matter, just take it all in your stride.
	The night came, and Daniel lay in bed, thinking about Steve's final
words to him. The song Dust to Dust, one of his very favourites. For no
reason, he got up out of bed, picked up his guitar, and started to play the
song. This song now had more meaning to him than ever, and since Steve said
them, they made a lot more sense.
	"With these final words I pull the switch, We turn to dust, Turn to
dust, My name is like the kiss of death, That we embrace, We turn to dust."
	Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Steve would always be in his heart.

That is the REAL last chapter, and I hope you found it moving.
MarkHoppus@punkrocker.co.uk