Date: Tue, 4 May 2004 20:09:09 -0500 (EST) From: "Publishing@TomCup.com" <publishing@tomcup.com> Subject: Stephen Miller's Journal by Tom Cup - Chapter 12 A/Y - Incest Copyright 2000-2004 by the Paratwa Partnership: A Colorado Corporation. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, except in the case of reviews, without written permission from the Paratwa Partnership, Inc, 354 Plateau Drive, Florissant, CO 80816 This is a fictional story involving alternative sexual relationships. If this type of material offends you, please do not read any further. This material is intended for mature adult audiences. Names, characters, locations and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. 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Check it out at http://www.tomcup.com! ********************************************************************** The Paratwa Partnership, Inc. is a publication and marketing agency and is not responsible for the content of the Tom Cup Library, TomCup.com or its affiliate sites, or stories written by Mr. Cup or his associates. ********************************************************************** Stephen Miller's Journal By Tom Cup Chapter 12 First Steps February 11, 1993 I can't believe it's been so long since my last entry. Sorry about that. So much has happened. Where to begin? OK. Since the last entry, Jon has taken to always answering me with, Sir. I told him he didn't have to call me sir, and that I didn't particularly like being reminded of the hitting game. "Yes sir," he said, "I'll try to do better, sir. Robbie rolled his eyes. Dr. Ritten laughed aloud. I've given up on telling Jon not to answer me in that way. What was the use? Jon had become an obedient houseboy ^Ö I suppose the kind that Dr. Ritten wanted me to be ^Ö except for his disobedience in calling me "sir". "It's strange isn't it?" Dr. Ritten asked me a week after Jon's transformation. "What?" I asked. "Oh, how we humans, when confronted with pleasure and desire, can be transformed into just about anything." I laughed shaking my head. "I don't think that's true." "Oh? Tell me, Stephen, why are you still here?" "I need the money." I answered. What a crock of shit. Dr. Ritten didn't even bother to answer. He raised his eyebrows. I hate when he does that. It's like he's looking into your very soul. I thought of saying because it was close to school but I knew that would get another raised eyebrow. The Dean didn't visit as often as he used to ^Ö and I by no means was attending classes, you would never know it from my transcripts ^Ö nevertheless, I was still enrolled in classes and according to official records heading for the honor roll. "Be honest to yourself, Stephen, it is the path to enlightenment," Dr. Ritten laughed, "You are here because you took the first step and once you took that step you were on the path to fulfilling your desires. There in no potion more powerful that gaining what one desires." I shook my head. "No?" Dr. Ritten asked, "I knew a boy once. A rather good-looking fellow but shy, uncomfortable shall we say with his sexuality. This boy was given the opportunity to explore his sexuality unabated. He started timidly, masturbation to the sounds of others having sex a room next to him. That was his first taste of pleasure. He became accustomed to that pleasure but pleasure is like torture, Stephen. Indulge in any pleasure long enough and it dulls. It's not enough; you want more. So when the opportunity to join the participants in their game presented itself, the boy was grateful for a new form of pleasure. It was another first step. It led to many new first steps; all to capture the thrill of the original first step. Stephen you are that boy, as is Jon and Robbie, and myself." "You're a monster." "Me? Why do you wish to ostracize me Stephen? What have I done?" "You started this. If it wasn't for you none of this would be happening." "Is that what you think Stephen? Don't you realize that everything that has happened is because you wanted it to happen, because it is in your nature?" "I never wanted to be a part of this!" I screamed, "I was blacked-mailed into this." Dr. Ritten shook his head. "That's not true Stephen." "Don't fuck with my head. Why do you always fuck with people's heads!" "I'm not fucking with your head Stephen. I'm trying to get you to see that truth. You wanted this, still want it." "No I don't!" "Yes, you do. How many times have you let one of my boys slip into bed with you? How many times have you melted into my arm from my casual touch? How many times have you made love to a guest in this house because he simple showed interest, gave you a smile, a nod or a wink? You did those things, Stephen, without command or threat, why? "Because I thought if I didn't you would be upset with me." "Why should my being upset matter to you? You disregarded that when you decided to sleep with the boys. I could argue that you thought at the time I would be upset but you didn't care. The opportunity presented itself and you took it. That was not my doing. You took that step freely." "Because you tricked me!" "How did I trick you Stephen? By allowing my boys to express their sexual desires freely?" "You trapped me." "Stephen, if I said that you could go, right now, would you go?" "Yes." "OK," Dr. Ritten said, nodding, "You can go. No strings attached." "Can I have the tapes you made of me?" "If that will make you feel better about leaving." "All of them," I said, "You'll give me all of them. You won't keep any duplicates?" "Stephen, there are no duplicates. I know you don't believe that but it's true." "OK." "So are you leaving?" "I don't know. I don't know." "Why? What's keeping you here? You have all the goods on me. Turn me in and I go to jail for the rest of my life. That's what you want, isn't it? For the monster to be put in a cage where it can never escape, right? It will be better for the boys, right?" I began to cry. I knew what he was insinuating. Jon and Robbie would be taken to some god awful foster home. I couldn't bear that thought. Whatever Dr. Ritten's evils, for the most part the boys were happy at home. I knew that and so did Dr. Ritten. "No," I said, "I don't want that." "Then what do you want Stephen?" "I want to go home." "Go." So in late January, I packed my bags. Jon and Robbie stood in my room watching me, not saying much. I felt horrible about leaving but I was excited about being free from the Ritten house, free to discover my own thoughts. "I'll miss you, sir," Jon said. "Me too," said Robbie. "It's better this way," I told them. They didn't answer. The night before I left Robbie stayed with me. He begged me to make love to him. How could I say no? He wept as I entered him. I asked him if he wanted me to stop. "No." he said, "please, don't stop, Stephen. I know you're not coming back. You were the best sitter we ever had. I love you." We fell asleep wrapped in tears. When I woke the next morning Jon was with us in bed. I don't know when he got there but the three of us cuddled until an hour before I had to leave. ************* "Why?" Jon asked, "Why are you leaving us? I've been good. I do what you tell me. Please Stephen." "It's not you," I said. Robbie was in tears. Huddled in the corner of my bed. I was dressed and ready to go. Dr. Ritten was waiting downstairs to take me to the bus station. "It's because of me," Robbie said. "Come on Robbie," I said, "don't do this to me." "I know it is." "It isn't," I said, "I love you and you know it. I just have to, that's all, I have to." "I'm sorry," Robbie cried, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." "Robbie, you didn't' do anything. I just have to see my parents. I can't be locked up here anymore." There was nothing I could say to calm him. He clung to Jon as I left with my bags and headed for the den to tell Dr. Ritten I was ready to leave. When I entered the den Dr. Ritten seemed despondent. He was seated at his desk staring blankly at the door. My first fear was that he had changed his mind. "It was an accident," he whispered. I sat down in one of the seats in front of him. "I've been sitting here all night thinking," he said, "I know you want to stay. I have a feel for these things and yet, the look of your face tells me that you will leave. So I've been trying to put myself in your shoes. I've asked myself over and over what it is that you really want. And then it hit me, the answer. You want the only truth that this family hasn't shared with you." I nodded. "And what will you do with this truth?" "I don't know." Dr. Ritten nodded. He rose from his chair and walked to the wall unit. I watched as he opened a safe behind one of the cabinets. He pulled out four videotapes and handed me three. "This is what you asked for, the tapes that feature you," he said, "This one. Will answer your questions. The fate of this family is in your hands Stephen. I know what you think. I know you think that I killed my wife. But I didn't. I loved my wife. She was my life. She gave me two wonderful boys and introduced me to the sexual freedom that you have enjoyed in this house. My mouth dropped open. Dr. Ritten laughed. "Yes, Stephen. She introduced me to the "order." Not the other way around. I was the last to come around." "What do you mean?" "I mean what you think I mean. Jon and Robbie were members before me. I thought it was a deviancy when I found out what my wife had introduced the boys to. I even threatened to turn her in but the boys begged me not to. I was torn. And then. Well, I took the first step. I joined. I convinced myself it was for the boys' protection, to make sure they weren't being forced to do anything that they didn't want to do. But the truth of the matter is that I wanted to be a part of this. I know that now. Anyway, everything that I have done I have done for the boys. You may not believe that now but ^Å well, here. I'm trusting this to you also." He handed me the last tape. "Watch it Stephen. If you don't come back to us then I'll understand. But you will always be welcomed." "What about the order?" I asked, "You are letting me go but what about the rest of them." "You still have your journal." My mouth dropped opened. "You know about that?" I asked. "Yes. And I'm not taking it from you as a condition of leaving. What does that tell you?" "I don't know." "Yes, you do know Stephen. You just won't let yourself believe the truth. Watch the tape, Stephen. The head games are over." We drove to the bus station is silence. I was going home. Before I opened the car door Dr. Ritten grabbed my arm. "Just one promise," he said, "promise that you won't do anything until you watch the tape. Promise me that." I nodded. "Watch the tape Stephen. Watch the tape." I have to go, but will write more later. ********************************************************************** Send comments to: comments@tomcup.com To support this and other stories by the author, join at http://www.tomcup.com. If you like this story, check out Tom Cup's "Calvin: A Coming of Age Story." Available at Barnes and Nobles Bookstores, Amazon.com, your local independent bookseller, or from Tom Cup.com. Tom Cup's "Of Our Teenage Years" is scheduled for publication and release in paperback in 2004. Check it out at http://www.tomcup.com!