Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2007 12:40:32 +0000
From: smkauf01@gmail.com
Subject: "The Way it Began-Part II"

Sorry for the delay in the continuation of the story- but
here's part II. Once again this is a true story and the way
that relationship between my father and I began.

     It's about 1130pm on the 25th  I had been laying
there...just replaying the events that occurred a year ago,
crying and asking myself why I had done it to begin with, I
spoke my heart but at the same time I think that when I did
it I knew what it had the potential to do.  I knew it could
destroy everything I had prayed that it would take the
relationship between my father and I to a different level of
closeness and understanding unfortunately, the opposite
happened.  Which interestingly enough, I had expected him to
be mad, confused, upset but I never expected him to take it
to a point of complete disassociation.  That was a complete
shock and it killed me.  Silence hurts me more than
anything, he gave me the silent treatment, that's like
sticking a knife in me and twisting and turning it over and
over again I contemplated suicide many times that year. In-
fact the night I considered doing it, no one was around.  I
may have been very young, but I knew I didn't want to live
that way and I know a lot of people would have done it out
of revenge to the person that hurt them, but that wasn't my
intent If I had done it, it'd have been to put myself out of
everything, and just not have to deal with it anymore but
for the sake of my mother and quite honestly my father.
Whether he hated me or not, he was human and I knew it would
hurt and I didn't want to hurt anyone.

     So that was the end of suicide, running away
again...yea it crossed my mind, but in reality. I didn't
have anywhere to go for good, so in essence I was stuck so I
stared at the clock...midnight hit and the clock made its
sounds (we had a grandfather clock-I know it sounds so
clich‚ but its true) so I went upstairs to the kitchen and
decided that I would light myself 15 candles, make my wish
and go to bed.  I did it, walked around the house for a
while, just pacing, finally decided I was tired, and I went
down to bed and cried myself to sleep again for the 365th
time, but before I did it, I promised myself that it would
be the last time I did it.  I'm not really sure where my
father was at that point-I'm assuming he was in his room-he
had been in the kitchen when I came upstairs but I guess he
heard me coming up the stairs, so he shut the kitchen light
and left.  So I fell sleep on the wet pillow. Of course
sleeping didn't last very long. I twisted and turned and
like every night for the past year. I gave up on sleeping
and just layed there.

     (This is just say what I looked like at the time- I had
lost weight - big time but I had to be careful about that. I
mean even at 14 I was tall. I was about 6' maybe 6'1 but I
only weighed 135 pounds and that fluctuated throughout the
year I had been down to 125 at one point. I mean I was
emaciated and my mother saw it took me to the doctor, and he
basically said to her he's healthy just really thin and
should eat more take vitamins etc. Which was true, I was
healthy. I ate relatively normal, small portions but I ate I
just didn't gain any weight- I was sexually active, I played
with a few guys here and there j/o a bit but honestly it
didn't do much for me I didn't enjoy it in the slightest.
There were times I went for 2-3 weeks without touching
myself. I just didn't have the desire.)

     So in all my twisting and turning, I roll over look at
the clock its 2am, and Ii look around the room in the dark,
don't see much other than the fact that the door is open,
which is not the way I had left it. I found it bizarre, but
I got up to shut it, and then I saw him sitting in my desk
chair just staring. It stopped me dead in my tracks. He was
wearing no shirt but he had sweat pants on- I looked
directly back at him into his deep brown eyes something, I
hadn't done in over a year. There was no expression- just a
blank face.  I think I must have stood there for over 10
minutes just staring at his eyes, not knowing what to think,
what to do, what to say. All there was, was complete and
total silence and darkness except for the light from the
street lamp that came in through the window.  I couldn't
tell a thing, that's one of the reasons I stood so long, I
was trying to read him, trying to get something, but got
nothing. He just stared, not at "me" but into my eyes just
as I was doing to him more or less a showdown. Finally I
decided that it was time to say something and I slowly
started to say something, and then he cut me off and spoke
to me for the first time in over a year. And said quietly
but in a stern tone "Say nothing,"  so I stopped and I
looked back at him again, and he said to me two words that I
never expected to hear out of that mans mouth:

     "I'm sorry" and the first tear dropped from my eye. But
I still wasn't sure where he was going with it. Because it
was in such a monotone voice, that it really could have gone
anywhere and I went to speak again, and again he said again
"Don't say anything" and he went on "I didn't know how to
handle what happened a year ago, I was angry, I was furious,
I was confused, I was worried, I didn't know where to go
with it, I couldn't say anything to your mother, couldn't
talk to anyone about it, I honestly didn't know what to do,
so I shut down. I know that it wasn't the right thing to do,
but I didn't know what else to do, and then when you ran, I
was still stuck in that moment, replaying the event over and
over again."  he went on, "I know that the last year has
been hard for you painful, and miserable...don't think that
I didn't, but I still didn't know what to do. I've
contemplated this moment hundreds of times over the last 12
months, and was never able to bring myself to do it.  And
then when I realized that you were staying away from me, I
wasn't sure where to go from there.

     Did you not want to be with me, were you reacting to
me, I didn't know."  and he continued:  "furthermore I've
seen what's happened to you the weight loss and gain, the
color of your face. Don't think that I don't remember what
our relationship was like before this happened. I can read
you like a book, which was something I always cherished.
Because I let you do it to me too. I don't allow that many
people to do that.  Your mother can't even do it. But there
was something about you that I saw in your eyes the day you
were born.  I know what you are thinking-so you are saying
this now, you're telling me all of this...if you knew why
not stop it and fix things one way or another?  I don't have
an answer to you. You don't have any idea how many times
I've sat down here, outside your door listening to you cry,
but I couldn't bring myself in, I just couldn't do it  When
you told me what you did...you opened up a big can of
worms...one that I thought I had sealed shut never to be
opened again (at that point my tears were rolling down
flowing almost) and he went on, when I was a bit older than
you I played around with guys- I loved it played around till
I was 17 or so, but realized that in the time that I was
in...it wasn't accepted- your grandparents certainly
wouldn't have approved- and I also knew that I wanted kids.
So I made the decision that I was closing that chapter of my
life and moving on.  Met your mother a few years later, got
married and had you guys. I hadn't thought about men until a
year ago when u brought it up-not once.  So that was another
wrench into my confusion. And finally I realized that you
had more guts than anyone I knew, myself included, and that
I admire that about you, and I am so, so sorry for hurting
you, and leaving you the way that I did-and I blame myself
for it..

     (At this point, he was tearing something I very rarely
saw him do maybe 3 times in the 14 years I was alive,) and
he looked at me again, directly into my eyes-that deep long
stare and said to me "you have every right in the world to
hate me, not want to be around me, to move on in life-and I
encourage you to do it, but I didn't want you to do that
without me saying this to you-to tell you that I love you
again. I know that things between us will never ever be the
same, and I regret that greatly and is something that I will
take with me till the day I die and beyond." and said to me
again, "I do love you, and Today being your 14th birthday, I
didn't want to go another year without saying happy
birthday, so happy birthday."  And he got up gave me a hug,
kissed me on the head and walked out of my room. He left me
there, just standing. I was completely frozen in place,
still digesting what had just been said to me at the same
time I was listening for where he was going, I heard him
sniffling and slowly going up the stairs, and I snapped and
went outside and called him- he was on the last step turned
around and looked at me and I asked,  "you said that you
love me,"

     He said "yes" and I told him very quietly that I don't
hate you, I don't resent you, and I thank you for sharing
your thoughts with me. And I said you are right things will
never be the same as they were, but I'm willing to leave it
behind and make things different. I told him that I missed
him, and that I love him, and I don't want another year of
the past, and he said neither do I.  And I said to him "but
my feelings for you, haven't changed.  (At this point I was
going on adrenalin and nothing else, I figured I was going
for broke- it was my last ditch effort) he didn't flinch and
I went on, and said I haven't been with a man since I said
that to you, I still want the first to be you, but on the
same token, if that means that I lose you as a father and a
friend, then forget it. And if you don't want it, then after
I'm done saying what I need to,  I'll never mention it
again.  If you say to me here and now we cant do this, or
you don't want to it, will never be mentioned again not
another word."  There was a long silence, and he finally
said "you are so young, but so old."  He extended his hand
(he was 3 steps above me) I went up one and took his hand,
and we went into the living room he sat down on the couch,
and I sat next to him, and we were finally eye level to each
other and he said to me:

     "you are really serious about this aren't you?"
And I said to him "you can read me like a book right? Have
I ever said something to you that I didn't mean?"
and he said,

     "No I guess not" I took his right hand gripped it,
looked back at him in his eyes, and said "I really do love
you, and I know what I want, I know by law its not right, by
societal standards its not right, but there's no violation
of me here. I want this, I want you" he looked back at me,
tears coming out of his eyes and I said to him again. "if
you don't want it, don't feel that its right then lets walk
away from it now." he didn't say a word so I took my thumb
and wiped the tears off his eyes, touched his face, held his
chin and I kissed him on the lips-but got nothing back, so I
figured I had my answer- it hurt- kind of like that one last
stab and I went to get up to go back down to my room, but he
grabbed my wrist and I looked back at him into his eyes
again and I saw what I saw a year ago-fire, fire in his eyes
he pulled me back and asked me

     "Just where do you think you're going?"

     He stood up picked me up held me in his arms...like he
did when I was a baby took me to his bedroom kissed me back
and then layed me down on the bed.  Stared in my eyes again
and then kissed me for real- we were lying on our sides
embraced and from there, ensued the most romantic night of
my life and the best birthday present I've ever had.

     When the lip lock broke he sat up took off his pants
and then took off mine. He was hard, and he said touch  it,
here's what you've wanted, and I said to him "no" and he
looked at me kind of funny I said I got what I wanted an
hour ago, this is just fringe benefit.  He smiled at me the
first time in over a year and then the tears rolled again.
And I grabbed him and pulled him down on top of me and
kissed him again, his cock against mine
an incredible feeling that I can't describe to you its just
impossible. A skin on skin kiss, him on top of me
the hair on his chest against mine it was an incredible
feeling nothing I had ever felt before that, nor that I have
to this day.  He broke the kiss again, lightly touched my
face kissed my neck probably one of the most erotic places
and it wasn't even on the middle of my neck it was right at
the base of my jaw, and then he slowly licked down to where
my neck met my shoulders across the front of it and back up
the other side and then back to my mouth again, across the
neck and back up to my mouth, it was incredible. He went
back down and kissed and licked me everywhere I swear, I
don't think he left a square inch of me untouched except, he
left my cock alone, didn't touch it but after each area he
came back up to kiss me on the mouth again. Massaged my
legs, kissed my feet went back to my neck, hit my mouth
again, and finally I decided before he had a chance to go
any further, I pushed him off and onto his back, and went to
work myself, my technique a little different. I started from
the bottom and worked my way up also leaving the cock and
ass alone.
     When I got to his nips...stayed there for a
bit...licked kissed and nibbled made it to his neck and then
back to his mouth...and just layed on top of him and kissed
him, held each side of his face, as the tears fell off my
eyes onto his face...and I stopped for a minute caressed his
eyebrows. He opened his eyes and asked me what was wrong,
and I said nothing, I just wanted to tell you that I love
you, that I couldn't have asked for a better first time, he
laughed and said "kiddo, you haven't seen anything yet." and
then he said "now shut up and kiss me" and who was I to
argue?
     It was there that I got that feeling that he wanted it
just as much as I did, if not more. I kissed him  again and
he rolled me over, kissed me more, and said to me you know
its been a long time since I've given oral sex.  I laughed
and said to him well from what my feeble mind understands,
its like riding a bike, once you do it you never forget. He
laughed again and took a penis, his son's, into his mouth
for the first time in over 20 years and let me tell you,
this man knew what he was doing. And he just went down on
me, sucked and licked and stroked and played, and touched,
brought me to the edge god knows how many times and id say
every 5-10 minutes he came up to kiss me. I started to laugh
and he looked at me, and said "what?" and I asked are u
going let me cum or what? He said not yet, and I said then
come here, he came up to my face, I caught him off guard
pushed him on his back, and got my first taste of a mans
cock-my fathers.
     The first time I took him in, he gasped for air. I
looked up at him, and I said before I continue, can I ask
you something? he said sure..."when was the last time you
had a mouth on your cock" he looked back at me and said 23
years,  I looked into his eyes and he said "no, she never
did"  he knew what I was thinking and I'm not surprised, I
never saw my mother as one who would go down on someone-
just not her cup of tea so went back to doing my task, and
licked up the sides from base to head and back and around,
over the slit, back down one ball at a time then both He was
oozing and leaking a river.  He's about 8..8.5 on a good day
and yes even at 14, I took the whole thing-the first time I
deep throated him...he opened his eyes and I felt them open,
and felt his stare, and I looked up, and he said to me, "you
sure this is your first time? I looked back at him, and he
saw it in my eyes and he said "it is isn't it, my god, you
are a natural, and just to let you know, I've never been
with a man who was able to do that the first time he was
with me I smiled at him, and went back to work. Slowly going
up and down, I could feel him edging closer, but I didn't
want it yet.  So I let it slip out and I went back up to
look him straight in the eye and kissed him again. And we
kissed for a long time and we broke it again and I went to
whisper in his ear that I love him, but he beat me to it and
said I love you to me, and then he looked back at me, and I
saw in his eyes what I'd been waiting for- that one thing.
Lust and with that lust came another desire, and I looked
back at him, and said "I know me too, and yes I'm ready"
That's the kind of love I've wanted forever where words need
not be spoken.
     He kissed me again went back down my body, taking his
time, turned me over, paused for a minute and just ran his
hands over me kissed the back of my neck, which made me
shiver kissed me down my back...skipped over my ass, went to
my legs and my feet and then back up to my ass. kissed each
side, ran his fingers down the middle just as he touched the
hole, I flinched, he came back up, turned my head and kissed
me again, and then went back down and kissed my hole. And
slowly licked, and rimmed, for what seemed like hours.  I
was in complete heaven he turned me back over on my back
lifted my legs. Leaned over me kissed me, and went to reach
for the lube that he had in his night table, but I stopped
him he looked at me kind of funny, I grabbed his cock, and
said I want the first time completely natural. I let my legs
down, pulled him up to my mouth, sucked on it made it real
wet, let it go, looked at him in the eye...and he asked me,
you really sure? and I said yes he kissed me again, lifted
my legs again, placed the head at my entrance, and slowly
pushed in.  Our eyes never unlocked never let each other go.
Finally I felt him push past it, I had given my virginity to
the man that I loved most right down to the base and when I
felt his balls against my ass, I leaned up and kissed him
again, and ever so slowly he made love to me. Long slow
strides it was truly pure ecstasy he was slow right up to
the end, when I knew he was close, and I looked back at him
again, and told him to do it, he picked up his speed and
finally exploded inside me.
     I felt every single jet and he collapsed on top of me
still inside me I looked at him, kissed the top of his head,
and I said "dad, I have one last thing to give you tonight,
he looked up, still inside me, and said "what?" I said are
you thirsty?" He gave me a devilish grin and I said, try and
stay in me. He lifted my back bent over still inside me, and
took me in.  2 sucks and I gave him a 3 week load -he
swallowed every single drop, and he looked up at me, said
you're incredible, and I said, "only with you," he came back
up kissed me again I snuggled in his arms and fell asleep.


     I was awakened by the smell of coffee and a wet kiss.
We stayed in bed drinking coffee and then we showered
together, slowly, carefully.  It was so incredibly erotic.
It was the first time I had been in a shower with him since
I was a little boy. But as he washed and kissed me, there
was more of a sense of love and completeness, so to speak.
Anyway so we finished up in the shower, dried off, got
dressed ran out to the store, got stuff and came back, he
made lunch for us.  Then, I told him that since he cooked
lunch, Id do dinner tonight. I made dinner, Caesar salad,
steak, stir fried veggies, and a bottle of Sterling
Vineyards Red Cabernet -and yes I drank the wine too, what
kind of 14yo would come up with that menu? One that likes
steak, knows a good bottle of wine, and would rather steal
his mother's food and wine magazine than read dumb ass
superman comics.  When I let him back into the kitchen, he
just looked at the table, then at me with his mouth open-and
I said, "hey I've grown quite a bit in the last year, so sit
and eat" and he just smiled and nodded. So he sat and ate,
and I just sat there and stared at him, watched him eat. And
he just looked up and said,  "what?" and I said nothing,
just that you're beautiful, and I cant believe it all
finally happened. Well, dinner was done, I asked him if he
wanted desert, he laughed and said desert was sitting in
front of him, and I laughed and said no I made a desert too.
I made a flan. Anyhow,  so finally food was done, He
refilled the wine glasses and he said "time to do something
we haven't done since u were a little boy." Took me by the
hand, ( he had lit the fire place, which I never heard him
doing, and that's a bitch to do with the wood and all)  and
led me into the living room where he had layed a blanket out
on the floor, that at first I didn't recognize. He saw me
looking at it, and said to me, "you don't remember this do
you?"  and then I realized that it was blanket that I made
years and years ago, when they sent me to stupid craft
classes on Sunday's (and one wonders why I'm gay??) The
blanket said on all 4 corners "I love you dad" and then the
date on the back said 1987. He had kept it since then and
god knows where because I hadn't remembered or seen it since
I made it
     I couldn't believe it he just said to me come on sit.
So I sat down on the blanket with him in front of the fire,
his arm around me.  He kissed me on the head, and I just
started to cry.  He picked up my chin, looked into my eyes,
as I did his and I saw his tears, reached up and kissed him
told him that I loved him.  He smiled, and I put my head
back on his chest and then he asked me a question that I
knew was coming eventually, "So tell me, how long have you
been planning this?" and I laughed and told him, there
really was no "plan" I wanted you to be my first, that I
knew for a long time, but what actually transpired...was far
past my wildest dreams and more than I could have ever asked
for.  He smiled kissed me again, and said good, and then I
looked at him, and was about to ask him another question,
but he looked at me and answered the question before I asked
it "Is this going to stop when everyone gets back?, I don't
want it to but we are going to have to be careful."
     Which made me smile so big and warmed my heart and then
he said, well we'll figure out ways the fit in little
weekends away, and I just smiled and layed my head back down
on his chest, listened to his heart beat and watched the
fire. Anyway, so at some point I must have fallen asleep
because he woke me up, and said he wanted to show me
something. So I got up with him, and took me to the window,
and there was about 5 inches of snow on the ground.  I
looked at him and said what it's just snow and he said look
closer, he slipped away and turned on the deck light- at
some point he had gone outside and drew out a heart with
cupid arrow through it with an "I love you" in the middle of
it. I was speechless and then I looked up at him, and was
about to ask him and he laughed and said I know what your
going to ask, and no I never did anything like this for your
mother...with her, flowers nice earrings but nothing like
this.(which was exactly what I was going to ask him) I just
hugged him held him tight.  I haven't a clue whether he did
this during dinner, I never asked him, I was honestly just
too stunned....was he relieved when I stopped him on the
stairs? that discussion comes up a bit later.

     So after I stood and cried about the snow for a while,
he said time to go to bed and he picked me up and carried me
back to bed. well actually before bed he took a detour to
the bathroom nothing special had to pee and brush teeth
still have steak smell on it...then into the bedroom. where
I undressed him. and he me. and then I caught him offguard
and threw him down on the bed. jumped on top of him. and
planted a long wet,toungefull kiss on him he went to sit up
..and come back at me. but i said..no its my turn.. and he
listened and layed back down ..and I went to work on
him..licking and kissing..and finally found the object of my
affection of the night..i made it down to his ass..nibbled
and licked and kissed and for the first time..ran my tongue
over his hole..and his whole body shivered I looked up at
him and into his eyes he hadn't I knew it just by the way
his body moved and he said one word - "please" well I
thought "what does that mean"? so I came up right to his
face and looked and stared and he said, "its yours", I
smiled and kissed him, and I went back and put my tongue in
that hole licked and kissed and nibbled and wet and I heard
my man moan, tense, and relax, and shiver. to know that you
can do that to a man, is just incredible I finally came up
and went to grab the lube...he laughed and said "I'm a big
boy, I can take it too" eh grabbed my cock pulled it into
his mouth sucked it and wet it, soaked it really and said
"ok, I'm all yours, I went back and positioned myself, and
slowly pushed in- and my god, that man was sooo tight but
sooo hot.

     I watched his face and his eyes as I slowly went it and
when I finally pushed past that point there was the moan and
the "oh yes" and I could have shot right there was ready to
actually but didn't want to and did everything I could to
hold it in I felt his chest, rubbed up, leaned over and
kissed him and I slowly slipped in and out.. and made love
to my father I couldn't hold it anymore, and I just sped up
and shot a load like u wouldn't believe I don't think id
ever had an orgasm like that before oh yes, I shot in him
but that night he made love to me after he made love to me
after and shot his first load up in me and we went again 3
times each that night
finally fell asleep in each others arms again, it was
heavenly pure bliss really but ill tell you  that scenario
was more or less the same for the rest of the week.

Once again- this is a true story.  Its been 11 years since
this happened, if there is any further interest ill continue
on with what's happened over the years.  Any questions or
comments feel free to contact me at smkauf01@gmail.com