Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011 09:56:02 -0500
From: Johnathan Johnson <jjjohnson8221@gmail.com>
Subject: To love or not to love part 10

To love or not to love – Part 10
Comments welcome at:  jjjohnson8221@gmail.com

At this point I really did want to just run my ass out of there and go and
be alone, but I couldn't, I was the host of the party and could not leave.
For the rest of the night I did the best that I could to put on a happy
face and pretend that everything was fantastic, but also avoided Jeff at
all costs. Anytime I ever caught his eye I quickly ran the other way, I
couldn't deal talking with him right now I knew that I would just fall
apart.  I looked at my watch to discover that it was after midnight already
and I only had rented the place out until 1, and it was clear that people
were finally leaving, which was good, I wanted nothing more than to be out
of there.  And I was also hoping and praying that Jeff would pick a girl
and just go home with her and that way I could avoid dealing with him
tonight. However, I was not so lucky after I said good bye to the last
person, I found myself left in a room with 3 people, 2 restaurant workers
and Jeff.

From across the room we just stood there looking at each other, it was
clear that he was not at all drunk, in fact it didn't even look as if he
had anything to drink – nor did I.  I for one was driving and also knew
that if I started, there would have been no stopping me, I was too
emotionally strained. He finally started walking towards me until he was
right in front of me- so close that I could feel his breath on me, his eyes
boring into mine that fire still in them and I heard him say in almost a
whisper,

	"Thank you, for a wonderful party, wonderful night, wonderful
birthday and being the best brother and friend that I could have." He
pulled me in for a hug and wrapped his arms around me rested his chin on
top of my head, god how I wanted to stay like this forever.  It felt so
good, and so right, and all too soon he let go of me stood back never
losing the connection with my eyes and said,

	"You have your car, let's go home."  I just nodded at him and
followed him out of the restaurant.  As they brought the car around, I got
in, and unlocked the passenger door for him to get in, forgetting about the
fact that his card from me was sitting on the dash board in clear view.
And by the time I realized it was there, he had already grabbed it and was
opening the envelope, and I quickly said,

		"Jeff don't open that right now, wait till we get home,
OK?" But it was too late, he had already pulled the card out of the
envelope and was reading the front of it, and I again said,

		"Jeff, please wait till we get home and upstairs to open
it." But just as I had finished saying it, he had opened the card and the
contents fell on to his lap. And in a very stern voice just like that one
15 years ago right before that last punch he said,

	"Stop the car now and pull over." I was going to keep on going we
were only 5 minutes away from home but in an even stronger and louder tone
he said,

	"Stop the car NOW." I knew that was no statement, but an order.  So
I pulled over and stopped the car.  I was now truly scared because I had no
idea what he was going to do, and for what seemed like an eternity we sat
there in silence, and then all of a sudden he got out of the car, came
around, opened my door and said,

	"Get out now."  I knew that I was in trouble he hadn't acted like
this in over 6 years, this was the way that the beatings always started. I
got out of the car and looked down.  I couldn't bear to look him in the
eye. This was the way that every beating used to begin-strict orders and
then the punches started flying, and that's exactly what I was waiting to
feel, a hard fist going into my bicep.  But as I stood there against the
car staring at the ground I felt nothing more than the cold air of the
night.  And then heard again,

	"Jonathan, look up at me now" I slowly lifted my head to come into
his line of vision, a pair of emerald green that sparkled in the moonlight,
staring at me accompanied by a emotionless face that was all of a sudden
moving closer and closer to mine to the point that the tips of our noses
were touching and then his head slowly leaned to the left, his hands were
suddenly on each side of my face and I felt his lips touch mine.  It was
the most electrifying feeling that I had ever experienced in my entire
life, it was gentle and then it got harder and more forceful and I felt his
tongue running across my lips and not really knowing what to do, opened my
mouth to allow it inside, but all too soon the feeling ended and he pulled
back away from me.

	"I should have done that 2 years ago on your birthday but I was too
afraid, I had no idea how you might react, even after what you said to me.
No, I didn't forget it at all. You've been saying it for the past 15 years.
I may not have been able to really comprehend it, it made no sense to me
that you kept doing it regardless of what happened, but I've never
forgotten it.  And the night you walked out, I missed it and finally
understood it. And for four years I went to sleep every night hoping that
you might magically appear to do it again but no such luck. And then two
years ago, I show up and as if nothing ever happened or changed you started
to do it again. And every night that you come in to kiss me good night and
tell me that you love me, I've wanted to turn over and pull you into bed
with me and make love to you for hours, and treat you like I should have
from the very beginning. But I was scared John, I've been scared, I'm still
scared. I don't know if I can be all that you want and need, but I want to
try.  You have given me everything in the world and more, much, much more
than I deserve.  And I want you to know that you didn't have to buy me
anything to make me love you.  I saw a car in the garage this morning that
I had never seen before, and I figured that it belonged to one of the new
people that moved in the other day.  You are out of your mind, and you're
going to take it back because that is just too much.  I don't want
anything, I just want you, just give me the chance and I'll do the best
that I can to give you what you deserve." I just looked at him still in
shock about what was transpiring.  I couldn't even fathom the fact that
this was actually happening, my lifelong dream actually coming true?

		"But Jeff, what about everything else, all the girls the
straight, you're straight, aren't you? I mean it makes no sense what you
are saying. Are you sure you didn't have anything to drink?" I kept going
on and on like a babbling idiot, because well it just didn't make any sense
to me, until I again felt a large hand grasping the back of my skull
pulling me forward until our lips met again. But this was different than
last time, it was much more forceful his tongue was jamming against my lips
pushing them open finally making it through into my mouth exploring and
wrestling with my tongue. I tried to pretend to know what I was doing. I
mean I had never done it before.  I have never kissed a man, hell I've
never kissed anyone. Yea that's right 28 years old I've never kissed
another person, it was one of the many reasons my so called dates never
went past 2 or 3.  He pulled back again and said,

	"I know what I'm saying.  I'm saying that I love you, and I want
you. I'm tired of wasting my time on useless and fruitless relationships
– especially with women. Trying to pretend being what I'm not.  I can't
stand it anymore, I want you, I need you.  But you seem so tentative. You
do still want me, don't you?" My eyes opened wide,

		"Want you?? Want you??  Jeff you have no idea how many
years I've prayed and dreamt of this happening. Hell, my dreams came true
the minute you walked back into my life 2 years ago. This, this I never
even fathomed being possible, but want it? Want you? I've never wanted
anything more." And he just smiled at me, his eyes glistening in the
moonlight and said,

	"Then what's wrong? You're getting what you want, and I'm getting
what I want.  I promise it's all going to be right from now.  I know it." I
just lowered my head staring down at the ground.  And he picked my chin up
again and said,

	"John, please tell me what's wrong? What's the matter?" I just
looked at him as tears started to drip from my eyes,

		"Jeff, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what or
how to do anything, I feel like such an idiot." He just kept looking at me.

	"What the hell are you talking about? You don't know how to do
wha..wait a minute. Are you telling me that you've never done anything with
anyone? That you're still a virgin?"I just slowly nodded my head.

	"But why?? How can that be?? You could have anyone you wanted, men
drool for you too, I've seen it. What could possibly be wrong?"  I just
looked at him,

		"There's a reason none of my `dates' ever go further than 2
or 3, I refused to do anything with them.  They all wanted me to but I said
no, and that pretty much ended it right there. I just couldn't bring myself
to do anything."  And he said again,

	"But why??"

		"Why the fuck do you think?? Because I never wanted any of
them, all I ever wanted was you.  And none of them were you.  I was fairly
convinced that I was going to be celibate for the rest of my life.  And
quite frankly I was OK with that, I wasn't going to settle for anything
less.  So that's why 28 years later, I'm still a virgin, still never had a
kiss until today." He just continued staring at me not saying a word, and
then moved away from me, opened the car door behind me, motioned for me to
get in, ran around to the other side got in, slammed the door shut and
said,

	"Home. NOW."  That again, was no request, it was an order, I've
heard that tone, I've seen those eyes before, and not to cause any problems
my foot was on the gas, and we were in the garage in less the 10 minutes.
As I parked the car, he go out, came around opened my door pulled me out, I
never even had the chance to set my feet on the ground that I felt myself
being lifted and being carried in his arms up into the building, I heard
him say to the doorman with a chuckle,

	"He had a little too much to drink."

As we got out of the elevator and walked into our apartment, he kicked the
door shut behind him finally walking into my bedroom and gently laying me
down on the bed his eyes still locked on mine but still no words spoken. He
slowly started to pull of each part of my clothing one piece at a time
until I was left with nothing on but a pair of boxer-briefs.  And he just
at the end of the bed staring at me with fire in his eyes and face full of
lust and desire and in a whisper said,

	"You are the most beautiful creature that I have ever seen in my
life. Privilege me with the right to touch you, make you mine and I promise
I will never let another soul hurt or touch or bother or disturb you ever
again. You are so beautiful and I love you more than you could ever
imagine."

		"I already am yours Jeff, I always have been and I always
will be. That has never changed and it never will.  All I've ever really
needed was you, you are the final piece in my puzzle, you complete me.  Now
get undressed, get into bed and make love to me like I've always dreamed
that you would." He just smiled and said,

       "I will my beautiful boy, I will."

He ripped his clothes and crawled up onto the bed and over me until we were
again face to face the tips of our noses touching and our eyes locked into
each other. He gently tilted his head and moved in closer bringing his lips
to mine and just gently licking them.  Then pulled back and moved to the
right and licked around the edge of my ear nibbled on the lobe and down the
side of my cheeks, came to my lips and gently dragged his tongue across
them and around them.

He then pushed his mouth against mine his tongue pushing against my lips
fighting for entry. I opened my mouth as let him enter to explore the
inside, licking around sucking and biting my tongue.  I don't think there
was one square inch that his tongue didn't touch and I guess by instinct I
was pushing back into his and doing the same thing. It was beyond blissful!
Never had I even dreamed that it was possible to kiss someone with so much
passion or have that passion so completely returned. This kiss lasted a
very long time. It was like we were trying to make up for all the years
that had passed, wasted by fear and pain and just ignoring plain and simple
fact. Now, in this bed, Things would finally be right – what apparently
we both have always wanted.

As he came up for air without even realizing it, I heard myself saying,

	 "Oh, God! Jeff, I love you! Make love to me!"

He didn't say a word, only smiled at me and then began licking the skin at
the side of my neck. I groaned and clutched to him to me as he ran his
tongue all over my neck and chest, sucking on my nipples as I moaned and
groaned in ecstasy.  As he licked his way back up my neck and over to my
lips I opened my mouth to allow the entry of his tongue which led to
another deep kiss where I explored his mouth just as forcefully as he
mine. And at the same time I was so hard and so incredibly stimulated that
I was afraid that I would cum just from kissing him!

As he came back for air, he lay back sitting down on my legs and just
stared at me his eyes running up and back and then deeply into my eyes and
soul and in a deep but loving voice said,

	"You are so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful, your eyes and face
and body are just breathtaking."  I looked back into his eyes and into his
own soul and saw his heart and love I knew that he meant it, I knew that
this was all there all along.  And I just smiled at him at him and said,

		"And so are you Jeff, so are you and you always have been
on every single level."

He smiled back at me and nodded his head, leaned over and kissed me again
and began another journey with his tongue down my neck over my shoulder
blades and onto my chest.  Trailed over and took my right nipples in to his
mouth and began sucking and licking it. The sensation was so strong that my
back arched and released a type of moan that I didn't even know I had in
me.

As he took his tongue and moved further down running his tongue over my
abdomen. He came across 'innie' belly- button which apparently became an
object for his tongue's inspection as he did all the ridges and curves of
his abs. He then moved further down and came to look at cock. Again, no one
else had ever come this close to it other than my own hand. I was using
every ounce of strength not to cum just from his breath blowing across
it. I was actually ashamed of it to some degree, I'd seen a million of them
in the gym of all different shapes and sizes hard and soft, and well mine
was big.  I mean honestly it made no difference to me, a dick was a dick
but it was big and also stood straight out at a 90 degree angle and looked
freakish.  I heard him take a in a breath and just sat there staring at it.
I didn't really know what to do or say other than,

		"I know it's freaky, just looks weird."  And his head
quickly snapped up to look at me and he quickly said,

	"Freaky?!  Are you fucking kidding me?? Men would KILL to have
something like this. It's incredible, you are incredible ever inch of you
is just beautiful.  Mind body and soul , all of you." Hearing that from him
just sent a sense of good feeling and pride through me, another feeling
that I don't remember ever having before.

Just as I finished that thought I felt his hand wrapping around it and let
out a loud moan and said,

		"Oh God Jeff, don't do that! I'll cum in two seconds!"  It
was the first time someone else had ever touched me the feeling was beyond
explanation. His hand froze as he looked into my eyes again and then said,

	"That's OK.  I want you to do whatever feels right, let yourself
go, we have the rest of our lives to do whatever we want, whenever we
want."  `The rest of our lives,' hearing that I just started to cry. I
didn't want to, but I couldn't stop myself the tears just started flowing.
Suddenly he let go of me and came up right up to my face and said,

	"John, what's wrong? Did I hurt you? What's wrong?"  I violently
shook my head no. And he just looked at me with a puzzled face and I said,

		"You have no idea what it means to me, to hear you say
that. The fact that you want to spend your life with me, of all people
me. It's just something I've always dreamed of hearing but never thought
that I would." His face relaxed and said,

	"Well believe it, because that's the way it's going to be, You're
stuck with me for the rest of time."  I could do nothing but just grin from
ear to ear. He kissed me again and said,

	"Now back to work, and if you feel like you have to cum just let it
happen." I nodded my head as he licked his way back down my chest and over
to my dripping cock.  But I promised myself that I was going to do
everything that I possibly could to last as long as I possibly could. But
then he stuck out his tongue and licked the precum off the top of the head
and I was done.  I screamed out,

		"FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK" And started shooting ropes and
ropes of cum.  I could feel myself convulsing on the bed.  I don't think I
had ever had an orgasm like that in my entire life.  But the funny thing
was in the midst of it I didn't feel anything hitting me, usually I was
soaked in cum by now. But as I was panting for air looked down to find
Jeff's mouth firmly planted over me with my cock deeply buried in his
throat and I could feel it still pulsing and watching swallow over and
over. I finally came down off the high and caught my breath, he looked up
at me with the biggest smile on his face and said,

	"Good god, that was incredible you must have had days stored up in
there."  And I chuckled and shook my head no, and said,

		"Actually no, I shot this morning that's a usual sized load
just that it was more powerful.  Remember I've never had anyone else touch
me ever.  It was a sensation that I never knew existed, so I'm sorry I
didn't last at all."  He again jumped up to my face and plastered me with a
deep kiss allowing me to taste myself on his tongue and said,

	"Don't ever be sorry for that.  It was absolutely incredible.  I've
never seen anything like that before."  And then in the midst of all of
this something suddenly hit me, I guess I wasn't the first guy that he was
with.  For whatever reason that kind hurt a little, but I just ignored it
and smiled at him and said,

	"OK." He smiled back at me kissed me and started his tongue trail
again back down my chest..