Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2010 15:46:33 -0500
From: Johnathan Johnson <jjjohnson8221@gmail.com>
Subject: To love or not to love part 8

To love or not to love -- Part 8
Comments welcome at jjjohnson8221@gmail.com

As I was walking back towards my building a million things were running
through my head, was this even possible?  A sexual loving relationship with
my brother?  It is and what I have always wanted-no actually what I've
always wanted was a relationship with my brother, anything else was just
fringe at this point -- as much as I wanted to, adding sex into any of this
was just too dangerous, my primary goal was to just have him as my brother
-- learn from that move forward from that, and if anything else happens,
it's got to be on its own, not forced.

That decided, I walked into the building and up to my apartment and paused
at the front door, wondering what I would find.  I left him a note, but who
knows what he did with it, he could have woken up and just walked out, or
he could still be sleeping or who knows what, even with everything that I
had just decided, my head was still spinning.  Finally I took a deep breath
and walked inside.  Absolute silence, he was either still sleeping or gone,
but as I walked further into the apartment, I found his keys sitting on the
kitchen table, so I now knew that he was at least still here.  I walked
back towards the bedrooms to find his door still closed, and again no
noise, my guess was, still sleeping.  As I opened the door to his bedroom I
once again found him exactly the way I left him earlier, curled up in a
ball -- I would like to say "little" ball but this ball was not little, it
was a big man all curled up, still looking so angelic and beautiful, that I
could just stand here and stare and marvel at him forever.  And I must have
for some time, because when I went in to gently take the note off his bed,
I realized that the sun was already setting. 5:30 already.  As I was
walking away from his bed and out of his room, I again, turned and looked
at him and actually out loud said

	"I love you Jeff" and closed the door behind me.

I went to sit back down in the living room, and found the birthday card
that he had given me yesterday, I picked up and just stared at the front of
it for a few minutes, and then opened it up to discover that he had written
in it as well -- something that I never saw the first time I opened it
because all of the `get out of jail free' cards fell out first. His hand
writing was less than easy to read but it said,

		"Dear John, I know that nothing can fix or take away all
that happened between us, and all of the hurt and pain that I caused you
and I am eternally sorry for it and will be until the day I die and beyond.
But what I do want you to know is that I love you -- in a way you have been
my protector and my savior --you saved me from everything that you possibly
could, helped me in every way possible, and warned me of everything, and I
am eternally grateful for that too.  I did learn a lot from you,
unfortunately I didn't listen to most of it, but I did learn it.  I hope
and pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me and give me the
chance to make everything right --the way that it should have been and
hopefully will be now.  Happy Birthday!  All my love, Jeff."

With tears streaming down my face, I slowly closed the card and just stared
at it.  I knew that I had been right all along, I knew that there was a
good person in him, a wonderful, loving and caring person, it just needed
to be pulled out.  What actually pulled it out, whether it be despair, need
or want, I didn't really care. That person was now here.  I just sat there
staring at the card, not only did it confirm all of my thoughts and beliefs
about him it made my love for him increase exponentially. Whether or not it
would ever come to fruition is a completely different story in itself.
Being stuck in this trance I never realized that he had gotten up and come
into the kitchen until I heard him speak,

	"I guess you finally got a chance to read the card." My head
quickly shot up and looked into his eyes as he continued, "John again, I
can't erase everything that happened, I can't undo it, I meant what I said
I am sorry for it all, every bit of it.  And you are right, I did come here
because I knew you could help me, but not just for work, but more for
another reason. I need your help to become the brother that you deserve to
have.  That's what I need your help for, I want to be that person, I wa.."
I stopped him right there, I didn't need to hear anymore and just said,

		"Shut up Jeff.  You already are that person.  Don't you get
it?  I KNOW you are that person, you always have been, it was just hidden.
And now you have emerged, and we can go forward being brothers and best
friends.  That's all I've ever wanted, and you showing up here yesterday
was the best birthday present I've ever gotten in my entire life."  He
smiled at me, as I did him and I got up from the table and was taken into
his embrace, in a very long, loving tight hug.  And that was the beginning,
of what I've wanted for so many years, a loving, caring, best friends
relationship with my brother.

And going forward, the weeks and months started to pass, Jeff got a job,
working and using all of the potential that he had, and we became better
and better friends, learned everything about each other.  Our favorite
colors, songs, he made new friends, I introduced him to all of mine. He
went on dates --with girls --asked my opinions on them when he brought them
home, and me well, I went on a date or two, since it was obvious that Jeff
was straight, and as much as I wanted to pursue him, it would be a
fruitless effort, unfortunately fruitless as it may be, my love, desire,
want and need for him never changed, so the dates turned out to nothing
more than dates.  Which brings us to the present time, it's now been almost
2 years since Jeff moved in, I did get a wish of mine, I now had the
brother that I always wanted, he was my brother, my best friend and
everything in between.  And every single night I would wait up until he
went to sleep, even if he was out and didn't get back until 2 in the
morning after a party or date, I would wait until he went into his bedroom
got in bed and fell asleep.  I would then tip toe over to his room, slowly
and silently open his door, go over and kiss him good night, say the same
thing I have every night for the past two years "I love you Jeff", and then
back up and lean against the door to his room and stare at him and smile.

And tonight was no different, except for one thing, it was April 23rd,the
night before Jeff's 30th birthday.  I initially hadn't intended on doing
it, but then decided that I was going to throw him a big surprise party. I
rented out one of his favorite restaurants, invited every person that I
knew his friends and mine except Sam -- well he was invited of course, just
not told about it because he has a big mouth!  I was sure that it was going
to be a fantastic blast.  And in thinking about it as I stared at him in
bed I smiled, saw the clock hit midnight, again went over and kissed him on
the top of head and said,

	"I love you Jeff, Happy Birthday."  Backed up again to the door way
stared for a few minutes more and then turned closed his door and went back
to my bedroom fell into my bed, and into my usual restless sleep.

The following morning, I awoke to the wonderful smell of coffee. I was
surprised that Jeff was actually up this early it was only 9:30, usually,
especially on a Saturday I am the first one up -- hours before him no less,
but he was up making coffee.  As I stumbled into the kitchen, he turned and
smiled at me and said,

	"Morning sleepy head!"  I just stood there stunned.  Not only had
he made coffee, but breakfast too. I looked back at him and said,

		"Good morning, and happy birthday!  But I'm curious, what
the hell are you doing up so early?  And making breakfast? This is your
birthday I should be doing it for you."  He just chuckled and said,

	"Thanks, and well there's nothing wrong with breaking tradition
every so often right? And I felt like it, so sit down it's almost ready."
I just nodded and sat down at the table as he poured me a cup of coffee, I
just sat there marveling at this incredible creature in front of me.  He
was beautiful physically that never changed -- that it would be possible
for it to. If he wasn't at work or out on a date or with friends he was in
the gym.  He tried numerous times to get me bulked up like him, but it just
never worked.  I toned up and had a good body, but as it has been for 28
years, I've never been as good as him at that. And this was just another
day that made me want him more.  It was a sick cycle that I knew would
never end.  As he sat down to eat with me, I said to him,

		"So what have you got planned today, other than your
morning ritual to the gym?"  He looked back at me and laughed,

	"Well for your information smart ass, I've already been to the gym
and back, and I've got one or two things that I've got to do but aside from
that, not a damned thing. Just the way it should be."  I just smiled again,

		"Any big dates for tonight?  I'm sure there are at least 10
lined up trying to give you a birthday blowjob."  We looked at each other
for a few seconds and then burst out laughing.  It was a perfect comment at
a perfect moment, and we both knew it. And he said,

	"Well, actually no big dates at all.  Jennifer wants to go out
tonight, generally not my first choice of women, but I guess she'll have to
do.  Unless you want to do something, I'll drop her in a heartbeat."  I
just smiled back and said,

		"Nope, I've got you all afternoon, we'll do lunch and spend
the day together, it'll be fine. The night is all yours."  He smiled at me
and nodded his head.

I smiled back and thought, `Perfect, everything is going to plan, he'll go
out with her, she'll take him to the restaurant, and let the fun begin!'
And we did exactly that, spent the day together, went for a walk in the
park, had lunch and just talked all day.  At times he had his arms around
my shoulders, if we were sitting his eyes were always boring into mine. The
actions themselves were really no different than any other time we hung out
together, but the feelings behind them -- those were different.  There was
just something about everything today that was almost spooky.  As the sun
began to set, we made our way back home, he jumped into the shower to start
getting ready for his date, and I would do the same right after he left
with Jennifer.  As I was sitting in the living room reading the paper, I
didn't hear him come out of the shower until he spoke,

	"Hey, do you know what happened to my black button down?" As I
looked up there he was in nothing but a towel, and I once again was lost in
a trance as I stared at him and his beauty, it really wasn't more than a
minute if that, before I responded,

		"Nope, but may still be in the dry cleaning that came back.
It's hanging in my closet."

He nodded and just as he turned to walk back his towel fell off, and he
froze.  In the almost 28 years I have been alive, I don't remember seeing
him naked ever.  But now here he was in all his glory, and my suspicions
from 2 years ago on the night of my birthday when I saw him in those tight
jeans, had now officially been confirmed.  The piece of meat that he had
swaying between his legs, was a sight to behold.  I have seen a lot of
dicks in my life, from the gym to the ever so often porn flick, none of
them even came close to comparing to this.  It was absolutely perfect, soft
maybe hanging 4-5 inches, you could see the outer markings of a vein that
ran along the side and my guess protruded when hard and I'd make a fair
guess that he grew to at least 10 inches if not more, and pretty damned
thick too.  it was just perfect, and what I wouldn't give to have that be
my first.  But this all happened within seconds, because just as soon as
the towel fell, he bent over and picked it up just as quickly, but at the
same time giving me a view of his beautiful ass.  I was in total heat, and
had to cross my legs quickly otherwise the pole I had in my pants could be
seen quite well.  But again it was all over in the blink of an eye.  And he
just shot me one of his knowing smiles and disappeared back into his
bedroom.  But I knew now, I had to have this man, I didn't know how I was
going to do it, but I had to find a way.