Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:54:12 -0500
From: Blonde Blue eyes <blondeblueeyes@gmail.com>
Subject: True Love 3

Author's note: Thanks to all who responded, as a result I'll continue on.
Again please remember, as I'm sure that we all have read the many stories
on here that include the graphic almost porn movie story's - what I'm
writing is real and honest truth, from my heart and experience.

	As I walked out of the house, and shut the front door, I walked
about 30 feet, and stopped turned around and looked at the door again, for
what reason I'm not sure, I guess I was hoping that he'd run out after
me. But to no avail.  The door stayed closed and I again turned towards the
street, and started walking -- as I have said earlier, this was always
one of my outlets for myself, if I was ever going to contemplate life and
its actions I went out on endless, aimless walks and that is what I was on
now.  And as I replayed the conversation I just had in the kitchen, I
actually could not believe that I had done it.  The man had told me he was
going to propose to a woman after 16 years of being alone, he'd finally
found someone that he loved and could be with, and I had the insane idea to
tell him what I did.  I mean in thinking about it, it really was cruel, but
on the same token if I look at it another way, what if I had said nothing
at all, and just let it be, and pretend that I did not have those feelings
and the man went and got married without knowing, I would not have forgiven
myself for that either, it really was the good old catch 22, damned if I
did and damned if I don't, and I went with damned if I did.

	But there was nothing I could do, I knew that.  And I guess
underneath it all I was truly happy for him, he deserved to be happy, he
spend the past 20 years of his life doing nothing but raising his kids and
working to make sure everything was good for us, how could anyone deprive
him of what he wanted.  You couldn't, and I wasn't going to.  He always
told me that I was the mature, and understanding and `far beyond my years"
and I was going to stay that way.  So that was it, I was going to go back
home, and let everything be, tell him not to worry about what I said, was
just me being truthful, and honest with him like I always was, and now was
his time.  It was his time to enjoy life and everything that it had in
store for him.  And anyway I was going off to college and he'd have the
whole place to himself without any interruptions so he could enjoy the next
stage of his life.  Which actually was a change since my original plan was
to go to college near the house and cut out the costs of having to room in
the dorms.  But that would make it easier -- for both of us.

	So with all that decided, was time to turn around and go back home
to face him.  And just get this over with.  I knew what I had in mind, and
I even knew how I was going to say it.  I was just going to sit down with
him, take his hand in mine look into his eyes, and just tell him not to
worry and I want to be his best man, and if we had to my brothers could be
it too.  Although quite honestly I don't know why they would be, once they
left for college over the past 2 years they've 1 has been home twice and
the other only once.  Both got scholarships..and for other money I'm
assuming they were working.  But anyway as I walked back to the house and
turned the corner, I already knew my initial plan was just thrown out the
window, dad's car was gone.  Now, initially I didn't know whether to look
at that as good or bad, a draw between the two because I had wanted to get
it over with but I was dreading it at the same time.  I thought to jump in
my own car and go looking for him, I could make the guess as to where he
was, which was 1 of 3 places, the gym, Jessica's or his office.  But in the
end I decided to just go inside and lay down, after 5 hours of walking my
legs hurt me already.  So I dragged my ass into the house and just went and
crashed on my bed.
	When I finally woke up, the room was dark, but the shades were open
and when I looked at the clock it said 4:30am.  I couldn't believe it, I
had slept all afternoon and night, well actually I could believe it, but it
just wasn't my intent, I wanted to be up when he got home.  I dragged
myself into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I was a
complete and total mess, my eyes were blood-shot, and everything else.  I
threw water on my face, and went downstairs to get a drink.  The entire
house was dark, Which I guess that was really not surprising at 430 in the
morning, but before going into the kitchen I walked over to the front
window to look outside, and discovered that his car still wasn't in the
driveway, and my heart sank.  I don't know whether or not he had come home
last night and found me asleep and left or never came back.  And then I
thought maybe he left me a note or something, and I actually ran into the
kitchen, but found nothing, ran back up to my bedroom, searched everywhere,
but again found nothing.  And then of course all that did was start the
tears again, and the thoughts of why on earth did I say that to him, had I
actually ruined everything that I had with him as a relationship as father
and son, as friends, hell as best friends?  I had no idea, all I knew was
that, at that very moment in time, all I felt was loneliness, complete and
total loneliness.  It was like going back in time to when I was a kid and
got left out of everything.  But actually this was a little different, not
sure how but the feeling was different, maybe because this one was more
permanent and the actions taken had caused irreversible consequences.
Whatever it was, I didn't like it-at all.

	Again I sat for a while, not really knowing what to do, again
replaying everything that had just happened the past 24 hours.  I fought a
battle in myself whether or not I did the right thing, before I ever really
came to the conclusion I felt something touch my shoulder, and I was
suddenly pulled out of my daze, and I looked up and saw my father's face
-- no real expression on it just his face and his beautiful brown eyes,
and he spoke and asked me `are you ok?' and inside I chuckled and thought
to myself of course im not ok, the man that I want and desire is standing
in front of me but I can't have him.  But responded `yea I'm fine' And then
he laughed and said `you always were a bad liar, now come downstairs we
need to talk'.  Sigh, the man really did know me too well.  But even though
I really didn't want to go right then, my legs didn't listen to my brain
and they got up and followed him down to the couch. And we were again eye
at that point, and I made the decision that I was going to say what I had
decided to say yesterday, and just get it over with before he even had the
chance to say anything.  And I started it off in a way that I hadn't done
in such a long time,

      `Daddy, I love you more than anything in the world, and I know what I
said was probably the biggest shock in the world, and I know that you think
I'm probably crazy or whatever, but I just had to tell you how I felt.  But
I thought about it again, and I don't want you to worry about it.  All I
want is for you to be the happiest man on the earth, and it's obvious that
Jessica makes you that way and I am so happy for the two of you.  I will be
the one that is your best man, I'm going to do everything I can to make it
perfect for you 2.  And furthermore with that, I decided that instead of
going to college but staying home, I will take out a loan and go and stay
in the dorms, that way you guys can have the entire house to yourself
without having to worry about me being around. So again, please don't worry
about anything I'm ok and you are going to get to be what you want, and
deserve, a wife who loves and will devote herself to you.'

      He just looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "I love you
Michael so much, you are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me,
and I promise you that you are going to be a very happy man too, with
someone that you deserve and deserves you, and who will treat you right in
every which way, I'm sure of it.'  And with that, the stage was set. He was
going to get married, I was going to move out and go away to college, and
in a way both of our lives were going to start down on completely separate
paths.  The only difference however, was the fact that we knew where his
was going, mine on the other hand was a big question.  Yes I was going to
college, but further than that, was a mystery.  As much as I wanted to
believe my father, that I would find someone else, that made me feel like I
did, no do for him I knew deep down that was impossible.  From that point,
to me, it looked like a very lonely life ahead.

Questions, comments to blondeblueeyes@gmail.com