Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2015 12:21:17 +0000
From: Alain Mahy <amahy1957@gmail.com>
Subject: Trust

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My car was in for service.  I had to walk the few blocks to the garage to
pick it up.  When I got out of my office I looked up to the sky and only
saw heavy grey clouds.  On the news they said it would be pouring rain all
day, but it was past five o'clock and the streets were still dry.  I just
crossed my fingers it would stay that way a small fifteen minutes more, but
I had my doubts as those clouds really looked menacing.  I hurried my step
a little but it was no use.  I felt the first drops fall out of the sky.
You know?  Those heavy drops that announce nothing good, except if you are
a farmer and depending on them.  I had not walked one block when the floods
of heaven opened.  I tried to protect myself by walking closer to the
buildings.  When I reached the second block I was already drenched and I
had still several blocks to go.  I didn't have the time to enter one of the
bars along the way, as the garage had very specific closing time.  Trying
to catch a taxi was impossible at this time of the afternoon.  I tried it
before without succeeding.  I had no choice whatsoever.  I walked on and on
and reached the garage just in time.  To say I was soaked would be an
understatement.  Even my underwear was wet, my socks were wet and I was
sure I would have to throw my shoes away!  I was wondering how my suit
would look like after such a downpour.  I was sure I received less water
over me in the shower than in this deluge.

The mechanic who had worked on my car brought it to the exit.  I told him
to leave the plastic protection they put on the driver seat.  I paid the
bill and got in my car, happy to be in a dry place after all.  I had to
face the heavy traffic, because you know people drive like crazy when there
are two drops of water falling from the clouds.  Where normally I need
about twenty minutes to reach my building, it took me almost an hour this
time.  The windshield wipers of my car couldn't go fast enough to help me
having a clear view of the streets.  Fortunately, I have an underground
parking spot.  I parked the car in its usual spot and once I was out, I
took away the plastic protection.  It was a good thing I had asked the
mechanic to leave it as there was a puddle forming on the seat.

I threw the plastic in the bin and took the elevator to my floor.  Once I
was inside I hurried to the bathroom to undress and put everything in the
dryer.  While I was naked I took the opportunity to have a hot shower as to
not catch a cold.  Coming out of the shower I wrapped myself in my
bathrobe.  I was not expecting any visitors and didn't bother to dress
again.  I warmed up some leftovers from the previous night, poured myself a
glass of wine and went to sit in front of the television to eat and watch
the news.  It seemed that the sudden downpour had provoked some chaos in
the city.  I was glad I had reached my place without any problems and was
now in a dry and warm environment.  When I finished my meal I took the
empty plate to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher.  Yes, I like to
have a tidy place to live in.

I surfed the television channels to see if I could find anything
interesting.  Reality shows and sit-coms were not my cup of tea, so the
surfing didn't take long as it seemed that every channel was showing just
that.  Boring!  I soon switched off the television and put a CD in the
player.  I took my book that I had started earlier and started to read.

The buzzing of the intercom startled me.  As I said, I was not expecting
anyone and even less at this time of the night as it was already ten
o'clock.  When I heard it was my younger brother (he is only one year
younger) I pushed the button to open the main door and opened my front
door, waiting for the elevator to open its door.

My brother Jack and I have a very good relationship, comparing to what I
could see in other families.  We had a very lucky and happy childhood and
our parents loved us very much.  When I came out of the closet, my parents
were very supportive and just wished my happiness, whoever it was with.
Jack had laughed at my announcement and said he now didn't have to be
afraid I would steal one of his conquests.  From that moment on, me being
gay had never again been discussed.

I only took one of my boyfriends over to the parental house.  We were
together for almost a year before I did that.  Unfortunately I had to
discover, with time, that my ex was a compulsive liar and as the trust
disappeared, I had no intention to pursue the relationship.  I kindly asked
him to leave and when he did, we had both tears in our eyes, but I survived
and recovered faster than I thought.

That was more than a year ago.  The main problem was that I now had
difficulty in believing other people, even if they were totally honest.  I
was so bad in detecting lies!  My father said that I trusted people till I
discovered they were not worth it.  He said I should do the contrary:
distrust them till they proved they were trustworthy.  He was right of
course, but it was a hard transition for me.

Jack was soon at my door and I let him in.  We hugged as usual and I was
surprised he was not wet.  He said he arrived in a taxi that had dropped
him off just in front of the door.

- So, I said, what brings you here at this time of the night?

- Can I crash here tonight?  Lucy threw me out!

- What?  What happened for her to do so?  I was sure everything was all
right with the two of you!

- Yes, Jack said, everything WAS indeed all right, till her jealousy got
the better part of her and she started to inspect my cell phone and found
some messages that she misinterpreted completely.  She is now convinced I
have someone else in my life, and that is not true at all.  I tried to
explain to her what the messages were all about, but she didn't take it.
She said I'd better leave and come back tomorrow to collect my things while
she is at work.  She expects me to be gone by the time she gets home.

I was stunned.  I know my brother is no angel, but I was sure he had not
cheated on Lucy.  For once he was really in love and even I had seen the
changes in him.  I wasn't that sure about Lucy as I always thought that she
used jealousy to hide what she was doing.  Jack was devastated.  He was on
the verge of crying, but I could see it cost him a huge effort.  I took out
two brandy glasses and poured us each a nice amount.  I knew Jack needed to
tell everything that was on his heart and wanted my input in this
situation.  We talked for hours and hours.  Fortunately it was a Friday
night and none of us had to go working the next day.  The bottle of brandy
was empty around 4 o'clock in the morning and I told Jack we'd better get
some sleep.  He asked if he could sleep with me instead of the couch.  We
had slept together a lot of times, as kids, as teenagers and even as
adults.  There was nothing strange in his request.

We went to the bedroom and I took off my bathrobe.  I was naked underneath.
But even that had never bothered us.  Jack undressed and slipped between
the sheets as naked as I was.  I switched off the light, said goodnight and
probably due to the brandy, I was soon enough asleep.  During the night we
must have moved around because when I opened my eyes in the morning, I was
spooning my brother with an arm over his chest.  Now you have to know we
are brother and there is no way to deny it.  We are very much alike.  We
have the same height and probably the same weight.  We both have dirty
blond hair and grayish eyes.  We are both quite hairy on chest, stomach,
pubes and legs.  When we were younger we measured our cocks and even those
two are very similar in length and uncut.

When I realized I was spooning my brother and having my morning wood poking
at his crack, I disentangled from him.  I went to the bathroom and emptied
my bladder before going to the kitchen and start fresh coffee.  I looked at
my watch and saw it was way beyond ten o'clock.  The smell of coffee must
have woken Jack as he stumbled into the kitchen and sat down naked at the
counter.  We didn't say a word as none of us was worth anything before we
had our second coffee.  We were on autopilot for breakfast, showering and
dressing.  Once all that was done we decided to go to Lucy's place and
collect Jack's belongings.  He hadn't taken a lot of things to her
apartment yet, so the move was quite quick.  Just before he left the keys
on the table, the phone rang and switched over to the answering machine.
We could hear Lucy's voice saying she wasn't home and to leave a message.
The voice of a man came up saying:

- Hi honey, it's me.  Hope your plan worked out and that he is gone.  Can't
wait to make love to you tonight.  Love you!

Jack's face was priceless, but not in a good way.  So Lucy had already been
seeing someone and her outburst was just to provoke the fight and giving
her the opportunity the throw him out so she could let in another one.  I
thought Jack was going to break into pieces, but strangely enough, hearing
that voice and even more the contents of the message, gave him new strength
and determination to leave the place and never come back.

Once in the car, Jack was overwhelmed with anger, more to himself than to
Lucy.  He called her all kind of names, except nice ones.  I let him talk
and shout till the anger faded away slowly.

I realized of course that Jack would be staying a little longer than what
he had said at the start.  We emptied my car and carried the few boxes and
suitcases up to my place.  I made some space in the closet for him to put
his clothes in.  A few of the boxes were just stored in the guest bedroom
as he said he would find a new place of his own shortly.  We called for
pizza and beer for lunch.  Once we had eaten, we both fell asleep on the
couch, as we had not slept much the night before.

Weeks, and even months, went by.  Living with my brother was easy.  We
split the tasks around the place and we actually had a good time.  Both our
work routines were similar and we almost always left at the same time in
the morning and came home around the same time at night.  He was better in
the kitchen than I was.  I was better in cleaning than he was.  So there
was no arguing about who did what.  The only thing I had a small problem
with was the fact I couldn't invite some fuck-buddy over.  Not that I had
that many, don't misunderstand me.  It was just that from time to time I
was tired of using my right hand.  I had the need to feel another man
touching me.  Although we were sleeping in the same bed and often ended up
spooning each other, it was not the same of having a man in my bed with
whom I could have a sexual contact.

We had discussed the problem one night and Jack told me to just say when I
had a visitor and that he would stay out.  I actually told him the same for
him.  But strangely enough we never asked the other to do so.  We were so
comfortable around each other and the sex subject never reached the
conversation again.  Some weekends we would go out for a drink and we
always started at one or the other straight bar and ended up for the last
drink in a gay bar.  Jack was comfortable with it although he always said I
had to stay close to him and not allow other guys touching him.  It
happened more than once that we pretended to be boyfriends to avoid other
guys picking on him.  There was one time when the guy didn't believe us
that we were boyfriends and Jack leaned over to me and kissed me on the
lips to make the guy shut up.  I had kissed my share of men in my life, but
kissing your own brother somehow was strange!  I did it for him, because I
loved him.  We went out to have a good time, and if the price to pay for
that was a kiss from my brother, I gladly did it.

I had the vague suspicion that Jack was not really looking for a place of
his own.  Mind you, he was more than welcome to stay and he was fun
company.  Apart from the intimate moments I was missing, it was pleasant to
have someone when coming home.  Also, we had quite some common friends and
that as well was pleasant.  On top of all this, Jack was paying half the
bills and I could really notice it at the end of the month.

When the summer came, I had an invitation to join a group of friends to go
on holiday.  We ended up booking a gay cruise.  It was only a week and I
could afford it, so I said yes.  The ship was magnificent and the general
atmosphere was really gay and joyful.  The weather was fantastic and the
possibilities to soak up some sun were great.  There were a lot of
activities on board and we met quite a lot of other passengers.  Yes, I got
laid at last, but nonetheless, something was missing.  I couldn't put my
finger on it.  There was nothing wrong about the ship, the personnel, the
food and the places we stopped at.  There was nothing wrong either with the
guy I had sex with.  He was very good looking and knew how to please a man.
Despite the wonderful night we had spent together, the next day he was
already chasing for another one.  Some people on those cruises just make a
contest out of it to have as many different sexual partners.

I met a couple, Mark and Mark, who were an item for over ten years.  We
discovered we were living in the same city and not even far away from each
other.  The same man had abandoned them both in a space of three month.
When they discovered that common event in their lives, they started to
learn to know each other and found more than that one common point.  Now,
ten years later they were on this cruise to celebrate their anniversary.
We had a few meals together and I introduced them to my friends.  We knew
we would keep in touch.  When Mark and Mark invited me to their cabin,
supposedly for a drink, I was tempted to accept the invitation knowing that
sex would be part of the equation.  I explained them that I rather have
them as friends than a one-night-stand.  They understood and even
appreciated my honesty.

When the cruise came back to its harbor, there was a lot of hugging and
kissing and even some tears.  I could hear everybody say they would keep in
touch and I instinctively knew that maybe five percent of them would
actually do it.  I was sad that the adventure was over, but at the same
time I was glad to go back home.  Jack came to pick me up at the harbor and
when we saw each other we fell in each other's arms.  We hugged and Jack
even kissed me in my neck.  That surprised me but it was nonetheless a
pleasant feeling.  He also said he had missed me and the feeling was
mutual.

That night, when we went to bed, we spooned although we were still
wide-awake.  Normally seen we fell asleep each at his side of the bed and
during the night we ended up spooning.  That night when I turned on my side
, he came and pressed his body to mine.  After some time, when Jack thought
I was asleep, I heard him whisper in my ear:

- I missed you brother!  I missed you a hell of a lot.

I didn't know what to say or what to do, so I kept silent.  Jack's arm went
a little lower than my chest and rested on my stomach.  That as well was
new and when he pressed his hips against my buttocks I was totally
confused.  First of all because it was my brother who did it.  Secondly
because he always said he was straight and acted accordingly.  I had never
met a straight guy that pressed his hips against a gay man's buttocks,
pretending there was nothing sexual.  I took his hand and intertwined our
fingers and lifted it to my chest.  We fell asleep like that.

The week after that it was my turn to take him to the airport for a
well-deserved holiday and trip to Martinique.  Jack was really excited
about it and I smiled at his almost childish behavior.  When it was time to
go to the boarding gate we hugged and he said to me to behave while he was
gone.  I laughed out loud, because that was an advice I would have to give
him, being the older brother.

It was the first time in months that I got home to an empty apartment.  I
thought I would have the whole week for myself and be able to invite one of
my fuck-buddies, but when I got home I just felt lonely.  I had to admit I
was already missing Jack.  I was more than confused.  He was my brother for
God's sake!  It was just not right to fall for one's brother.  Yes, we were
having an easy-going life together.  Yes, we knew how to live together.
Yes, we loved each other dearly, but as brothers!  Not as lovers!

When I went to bed that first night of his holidays, the bed felt so big
... and empty!  I could find my sleep.  I was turning around and around.  I
got up and tried to watch some TV but to no avail.  I went back to bed, but
didn't succeed in falling asleep.  I got up again and put a porn DVD in the
player.  I thought that wanking off and reaching climax would help.  It
didn't!  I went to the kitchen and ate some biscuits with some milk.  I
went to bed once again and obliged myself to stay in it.  Finally I fell
asleep but it was for a short time.

When the alarm clock went off, I was more than tired.  I showered and
dressed and went to work.  I was totally useless.  My boss came several
times to my desk to ask what was wrong.  I couldn't tell him.  The week
went on like that and I knew I was putting my job at risk.  My boss was a
very understanding man, but he wanted results, whatever the circumstances
were.

Finally, Jack's return was in sight.  I went to pick him up.  When he came
through the door of baggage claim, I almost didn't recognize him.  He was
looking miserable.  When he saw me, his face lit up.  He left the cart with
his luggage on it and ran towards me.  We fell in each other's arms as we
hadn't seen each other in months or years.  He hugged me and squeezed me in
his arms.  Then he looked at me and kissed me on the lips, his tongue
searching entrance to my mouth.  I was too glad to see him and didn't
resist him.  There, in the middle of the arrival hall of the airport, we
shared our first passionate kiss.  When we parted he said:

- We'll talk later.  Now kiss me again, I need it!

I complied and we were soon lost in that second kiss, oblivious to the
world and the people running around us.  He pressed his crotch to mine and
I felt a serious hard-on.  It's only then that I realized I was just as
hard.  We couldn't stay there.  Jack got his cart and we went to my car.
He threw his luggage in the car and sat next to me.  His hand rested on my
thigh.  I started the car and we were on our way towards the center of
town.  During the whole trip Jack told me about what he had seen and what
he had lived, but there was no real enthusiasm in his voice.  Something was
on his mind, but he didn't say it.  He babbled more than talking.  I had
the sensation he wanted me to believe that everything was ok, but somehow I
felt it was not so.

The door to my apartment was not even closed yet, that Jack was all over me
again.  He took my face in both his hands and kissed with tender loving
care.  His tongue was searching entry to my mouth and I parted my lips
slightly.  His tongue found the small opening and dove in.  The tender kiss
turned out to a passionate one and I knew we would eventually have to talk
about it, but for the moment I just let the sensations take over.  My
brother was one hell of a kisser and I could really get used to it.  It
woke all me senses.  I could smell his musky scent mixed with some
after-shave.  I could feel his hands roaming over my body as far as he
could reach.  I heard him softly moaning.  I could taste that he had had a
brandy on the plane.  In one word, I was in ecstasy.  The kiss got me horny
as hell and even though I thought sex between brothers was not right, I
couldn't help noticing he packed a full hard-on in his jeans.  Not that I
minded as my cock stood to full attention as well.  Without breaking the
kiss we pulled our T-shirts over our heads and pressed our hairy chests
together.  It was not the first time we had a skin-to-skin contact, but it
was the first we had it with a clear sexual prospect and expectation.  Jack
tongue was still in my mouth and probed as deep as possible, trying to lick
out my throat.  I loved the way he kissed and returned it with gusto.

Jack pinched my nipples and that alone sent jolts of pleasure from the hair
on my head to my curling toes.  He broke the kiss and went down to lick and
chew on them.  I threw my head back and thought I was going to heaven.
Jack had one hand on my buttocks and the other one was fumbling with my
belt and the buttons of my 501's.  I didn't know where he had acquired the
expertise in opening a man's jeans.  His hand slipped in the waistband of
my briefs and grabbed my rock-hard cock.  The feel of his hand on my dick
took my breath away.  I couldn't get it out of my head that it was my
brother who did that to me, and a straight brother as he claimed.  His hand
went deep into my briefs and cupped my balls that he took out while pushing
his other hand over my bubble butt.  He knew exactly which buttons to push
to have me at his mercy.

He pushed my jeans and underwear down and helped me out of them.  I was
standing there, in the hallway, completely naked with my brother
worshipping my body with his tongue and hands.  He managed to get out of
his jeans and underwear as well and once we were both naked he took me byt
the hand and pulled me towards the bedroom.  We fell don on the bed, arms
and legs intertwined and kissing as if our lives depended on it.  I could
feel his strong arms wrapping around me and pulling me in even more
forcefully.  I thought all my bones would break under his pressure, but I
felt fine and horny enough to return his embrace.

I pushed him on his back, nibbling at his earlobes and sticking my tongue
in his ear.  After a few moments of that I started my travel down, licking
and biting his nipples softly.  I licked the hair on his chest and got the
taste of his sweat.  It was pure nectar to me.  I followed his treasure
trail and pushed my nose in his pubes, inhaling his masculine fragrance.  I
first passed his cock and bathed his balls, taking them one at the time in
my mouth.  But I wanted more and certainly the big prize!  And big it was.
I could see his cock throbbing and even his heartbeat was visible in the
veins that ran along his dick.  I came up for air before swallowing his
cock-head between my lips.  I had tasted cock before, but once again, this
was different.  The spongy head glided over my tongue and reached my
throat.  I fought the gag reflex and pushed myself even more on his cock
that disappeared deep down my throat.  But I had to come back up, even if
it was just to get some air, but I wanted to stay like that forever.

Bobbing up and down I could feel Jack's hands on my head, guiding me over
his stiff dick.  I swirled my tongue as far as the space allowed me to.  I
wanted him to feel as good as I was feeling.  All my senses were in alert
and the slightest touch sent electricity to all my nerve endings.  I didn't
know if it was because I was doing it with my brother or if it was just the
fact that, for the first time, I was making love instead of having sex.
Jack asked me to turn around so he as well could feel the pleasure of a
good blow-job.  We found ourselves in a 69 position and while I resumed my
sucking, I could feel the warm moisture of my brother's mouth on my
genitals.  As his hands on my ass-cheeks pulled me even deeper in his
mouth, I lost it.  I felt my scrotum shrink, my balls retract into mu lower
body and my juice boiling in my balls.  I screamed out when the first spurt
filled Jack's mouth.  I breathed heavily but kept my mouth on his cock-head
and I was soon rewarded with his semen.  We sucked each other dry till both
our cocks went flaccid.  After that we tried to catch our breath and let
our heartbeats coming back from the sensational afterglow of satisfaction.

I rolled on my back and Jack turned around and nestled his head on my
chest.  I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and our fingers intertwined,
resting on my stomach.  None of us said a word.  What had just happened
came totally unexpected, or wasn't it?  I was looking for a good
opening-line, but didn't find one.  I had the feeling Jack was doing
exactly the same but his silent indicated he was at loss of words as well.
I just wondered why such a great feeling could be called wrong.  Because he
was my brother?  Probably.  I had to admit I didn't know what to think.
The confusion that was in my head for quite some time, got even worse.
Jack's voice startled me:

- That was so great, so satisfying!  Actually, although we didn't do a lot,
it's already the best sex I ever had!

- It was not sex Jack, it was lovemaking, I can tell you that.  I never
thought in my life I would make love to my own brother, but we just did.
And I know there is more to come.  I know I want to deposit my seed inside
of you and I want you to do the same to me.  I love you Jack, and not only
as a brother.  I missed you like crazy this last week.  I never had that
feeling before, neither with you, nor with anybody else.

Jack lifted himself up and rested on his elbow.  He looked at my face and
all I saw in his eyes was love, pure and unconditional.  I hoped he could
just see the same in mine.

- I love you, too, he said, and it came clear to me when I was here on my
own while you were on your cruise.  I was jealous to death thinking some
other guy would catch your heart.  I didn't mind if you had sex with
someone, but I was so afraid you would fall in love with a guy and leave me
alone.  Really, I was scared to death!

He paused for a moment before continuing.

- Then I had to leave and to be honest, I didn't want to.  I wanted to stay
here with you.  While I was away, I had much time to think it all over.  It
took me time to get to my senses.  I talked it over with a buddy of mine,
without mentioning I had a crush on my brother, but yes, I admitted my
feelings were for a man.  We talked about it for hours and at the end he
just said I had fallen in love, nothing else.  I thought about it and had
to admit he was right.  The big confusion was not only that I had fallen
for a man, but also on top of it all, that that man was my brother.

He was collecting his thoughts, trying to make sense and then resumed.

- I have never had a sexual encounter with another man.  Not even when we
were at school or college.  For me, I was as straight as an arrow.  When
Lucy threw me out and I came to live with you, everything just seemed to
fall in its place.  I have always loved you as a brother, but with time I
started to see you in a different way.  It is not that long ago that I
started to look at you with lust.  You know?  When we wake up in the
morning and I have you in my arms or me spooning you, I have felt that safe
and secure feeling that that is what I need in my life.  I don't look at
other guys. I don't feel any attraction to them.  I feel attracted only to
you.  I don't love you because women disappointed me.  I think women
disappointed me because they were not you.  You know since when I wanted to
be physical with you?  Since that night at the gay club where I kissed you!

Jack became really emotional about the whole situation.  I had never known
him as somebody who expresses his feelings so openly.  His eyes were moist
and I suspected that at any time some tears would come out of his eyes.
And they did, but he reassured me it were tears of happiness.

- I have never been so happy in my life, he said.  I have never connected
with anyone, man or woman, in the way I connect with you.  We are living
here together for over a year now and the feelings I have for you have
grown every single day.  The more I think about it, the more I am convinced
my feelings are right.  I know, I know, society says it is wrong for
brothers to be sexually involved.  I don't care about society!  I love you
and that is the only thing that matters.  We live together as brothers for
over a year and nobody ever questioned it or us.

- You are right Jack, I said, nobody questions our situation.  We are just
two brothers living together and sharing costs.  I they knew we went to the
next level, they would condemn us.  They would point at us with their
finger.

- And who has to know? Jack answered.  It is not that I want to love hiding
or anything like that.  But what happens in the bedroom is ours to know and
nobody else.  We are sleeping in the same bed for over a year and nobody
knows it.  We don't have to advertise in anyway that we love each other
further than brothers.  When I was with Lucy, nobody asked us if we had sex
or not or how we did it.  When you were with your ex, nobody asked you
either.  So, why would they ask now?

He was right of course.  We were not obliged to tell the world we not only
loved each other, but that we also had fallen in love with each other.

We got out of bed as we had not eaten yet and Jack had to unpack his
luggage.  I had waited to put on the washer, as I knew he would have a few
things to wash as well.  We took a shower, together for the first time.  It
was again a new experience.  I washed him and he washed me and it felt
right.  Once dried and dressed, Jack went to the kitchen to prepare
something to eat, while I was busy sorting out clothes and starting the
washer.  We so easily slipped in an everyday routine, but with the added
benefit of sharing our bodies.  It took me time to realize that.  Once I
did, I knew I had reached the point I had always been looking for: sharing
my life with a man I loved, trusted and respected.

Of course, I had some fears.  After all, Jack had dated women his whole
life.  Was he gay or not?  Would he want to go back to his former life?
Would I lose him in the end after all?  I knew my thoughts had no sense for
the moment.  They were the same questions anybody could have at the moment
of starting a new relationship.  What made me feel good was the fact that
our relationship was completely different than all the other ones because
we knew each other our whole life.  The relationship had not started with
great sex and looking afterwards if there was more.  We knew each other a
hundred percent and we loved each other since birth, or almost.  The
foundations of our relationship were much stronger than any I knew of.

Sharing these thoughts with Jack, he agreed wholeheartedly.


To be continued

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