Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 15:26:17 EST
From: Madasonaysha@aol.com
Subject: "Around My Way" chapter 8

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DISCLAIMER: This is a love story between two teens, one Black and one
Latino.  If that bothers you then don't read.  Although the towns and
cities mentioned are real,as well as some of the places, the story is a
complete work of fiction (mostly......) This work is solely the work of the
author and only I hold the copyright.

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COMMENTS, QUESTIONS OR CRITICISM GOES TO _Madasonaysha@aol.com_
(mailto:Madasonaysha@aol.com) or _Madisonaysha@yahoo.com_
(mailto:Madisonaysha@yahoo.com) but use the AOL account first.  I will
always respond.  As always, a hug and a big sloppy kiss goes out to Khayman
Rice for his editing because he finds and corrects all my little goofs.  A
very special thank you goes out to Shay and Lee for your proofreading.

SEE BOTTOM FOR AUTHORS NOTE
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"AROUND MY WAY"


CHAPTER EIGHT: BAD DREAMS AND MESSAGES

I woke up Monday morning feeling anything but rested.   I had a  nightmare
the night before.  I dreamt that I was back in the shed with  Brian and his
friends and I was standing by the door with the shovel.  Only  this time, I didn't
get the chance to break the lock.  Jake came up behind  me and pushed me to
the floor.  They were taunting me and spitting on  me.  Brian started to
undress me but then the lights came on and I was in  the woods with no one around
me.  My shirt was off and I was running but I  didn't know where to.  I heard
the voice of my parents calling out to  me.  I tried to run to them, but the
direction of their voices kept  changing.  I heard my mother, Jamie, call out for
me.  "Honey... Get  out of the red, Chris!  Stay out of the red!" she kept
yelling.  I  started to cry because I didn't understand what she was saying.
What did  she mean "Get out of the red, stay out of the red"?


The weather became extremely cold. The pine trees leaned over me, trying to
pull me into them.  I tried to run but I couldn`t get away  fast  enough.  I
was entangled in a pine tree and pulled up high into the  darkened sky of
night.  I felt the pine needles stabbing my skin and I  screamed in pain.  The tree
let go and I started to fall.  It was so  dark and I couldn't see the ground
below but I was preparing myself for the  fall.  I caught a hold of a tree
branch and clung to it, hoping to brake my  fall.  The branch turned into an arm
and I looked up to see the face of  Joey.  He smiled down at me and pulled me
close to him.  His white T-  shirt smelled like it just had been washed and I
buried my head into it.   Inhaling the fresh smell of laundry detergent and
dryer sheets.   I  got lost in the brightness of his shirt and soon I was
blinded by  it.  I looked up at him only to see that the sky was now bright.  The
sun was shinning and I heard the laughter of children.  Then I heard the
scream of a boy.   It was more like a high pitch cry of pain.   Like when your
little and you hurt yourself, the little cry you give out,  calling for your
mother to come and make you feel better.   I opened  my eyes again to find myself
tied to a boiler in a dirty and decrepit basement.  One side of the basement
was completely charred as if it been the victim of a  fire that spared the rest
of the basement.  I could still smell the faint  traces of burnt stucco. Rats
ran across my bare feet, nipping at my toes and  clawing as they went by.  I
was completely naked with the exception of  tattered, stained  boxer shorts.
My face was bloody and I could taste  the dried remnants in my mouth.  I heard
footsteps coming down the  stairs.  This extreme fear washed over my body
with every closer foot  step.  I kept my eyes close as the person walked towards
me.  I heard  a laugh and knew without looking that it belong to Nate.  I
slowly opened  my eyes and saw him smiling.  The need to vomit was too strong and
I  submitted.  He just laughed at me and said one word..."Welcome."


I woke up feeling sick by that dream.  If it wasn't bad enough that I  had to
deal with Nate around the  neighborhood, he had to weasel  his  way into my
dreams.  I knew I was going to be in a bad mood for the rest of  the day. This
was the first official full school week and I knew I couldn't stay  home even
though I wanted to.  I got up, showered and go myself dressed to  meet Amanda
at the bus stop.  After grabbing a quick bite to eat, I headed  out.  When I
got there, Amanda was already there waiting.  She took  one look at me, and
knew that I wasn't all right.


"Chris, what's wrong?" She asked.  I detected concern present in her  voice
and it showed on her face.  I wanted to tell her what happened at the  camp
site but that would involve me coming out.  I shrugged my shoulders  and
remained quiet for the rest of the ride.  Another thing that irritated  me was the
ride itself.  I hated the smell of public busses.  They  smelled like cigarettes
and old carpet and I hated how roughly  they  rode.  Haven't they ever heard
of shocks?  I mean there is no good  reason why the rides need to be so bumpy.
 With all the damn money they  charge, you would think that they could afford
to fix the busses up so the  smells wouldn't be so bad and the rides could be
a little smoother.


Amanda would keep glancing at me occasionally as we rode, as if she was
waiting for me to tell her what was wrong with me, but kept silent.  I  remained
in that mood all the way to school.   In homeroom Loco and  Peanut tried to
start a conversation with me but I pretty much blew them  off.  I wasn't rude, I
just didn't reciprocate much.  I spent the  whole morning in a daze.  I
thought about what almost happened with Brian  and his friends and how stupid it was
of me to even put myself in that  situation. Then I started to think about
the times with Hector.  He  hadn't gotten his hands on me in almost ten years
and I hadn't seem his since  but it still felt like everything had just
happened.  The feelings that I  had about the whole situation with him, left me
feeling raw and  vulnerable.  This hollow feeling had formed in the pit of my
stomach and I  didn't understand why.  Nothing had happened with Brian so why was I
 upset?  I pushed all the memories of what Hector would make me do,  away.
My body had long recovered from that but I was beginning to think  that my mind
hadn't.  So I walked around school, lost in my daze.


Art class came and I saw Joey.  He nodded a hello with a shy smile and  I
smiled back.  God! His smile was so beautiful.  Straight, white  teeth shown
behind his full dark pink lips.  He must not have shaved that  morning because
little wisps of light brown hair lay above his upper lip.   I never had to shave
because unfortunately I had not yet been blessed with  facial hair.  I let my
thoughts of how it would probably tickle to kiss him  take over and I didn't
hair the teachers announcement.


Today, Mr. Balding wanted to seat us in alphabetical order. The tables were
set up to seat four people.  To my surprise, Joey and I were seated at the
same table.  His last name is Torrez and mine is Richardson.  Today we  would be
starting on portrait sketches and one  person was to be the model  while the
other sketched.  It was obvious that Joey and I would be working  together
since the people we shared the table with seemed to be dating.   She was hugged
up on him as he attempted to sketch her.  I looked at Joey  and moved my seat
next to his.  He asked if I minded if he sketched and I  posed.  God! He was t
oo perfect!  He would stare intently at me as he  drew causing butterfly to do
that familiar dance in my chest like they always  did when he looked at me.  I
tried to cast my eyes downward to control  myself but he kept asking me to
look up at him.  The way his crystal blue  eyes twinkled as he was concentrating
caused my body to react.  The  stirring in my shorts grew rapidly and I had
to rest my folded hands in my  lap.  Occasionally he would lick his lips or
bite softly on his bottom lip  as he concentrated.  I tried to think of something
to will myself down, but  nothing helped.  Then I remembered my dream and it
left as quickly as it  came.  Joey stopped sketching and looked at me with
worry in his  eyes.  He spoke to me with his normal rough voice but there was no
mistaking the concern in it and I'm not gonna lie, I melted a little...okay
a  lot.


"Are you a'ight man?"  He asked.  I looked at him, unsure of what  to
answer.  Part of me felt this natural instinct to open up to him, but  another part
told me not to.


"Yeah. I'm fine."  I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.  He  didn't buy
it.  He playfully slapped his hand back and forth my leg.   He leaned in
towards me and the tips of our knees touched.  I didn't move  and neither did he.


"Well, you look like something is wrong.  Come on, tell me."  He  said.  I
smiled at him and he smiled back.  His fingers started to  involuntarily play
with the extra material on my baggy jeans.  He was still  smiling and his neck
slowly reddened.  `Do I make him nervous?', I asked  myself.  That familiar
thrill returned and then the realization that we  were in the middle of class
hit me full force.  I took a quick look around  the room and was relived to see
that no one in the large class seemed to notice  the show we had put on.  My
eyes met Mr. Balding and he gave me a knowing  wink and busied himself with
paper work.  I looked back at Joey and saw  fear on his face.  He saw the look
Mr. Balding gave me.  The remainder  of the period we worked in near silence.
When we were walking out, Mr.  Balding stopped us.  He smiled as he talked to
Joey.


"Joseph, you have some amazing talent.  This sketch of Christopher is
amazing.  How long have you been drawing."  Joey glanced down at his  feet and
answered shyly.


" I've been drawing for like five years now.  It's okay, but it could  be
better."


"For a sketch that took you only fifteen minutes to produce, it's
wonderful.  They way you captured Christopher's reflection is  remarkable.  I can see
the sadness in his face, but also I can see the  joy.  You guys must be really
close for you to be able to read his face so  intently.  How long have you
guys been friends?"  He asked us.   Joey looked at me to answer.  I was honest as
I spoke to Mr. Balding.


"We haven't known each other that long.  We met this summer, but we  haven't
really hung out too much."  I plainly stated.  I was nervous  and felt like I
was in the middle of the Spanish Inquisition.  A look of  surprise came over
his face with my answer.


"Really! You guys seem to have this connection between the two of you  .  I
though you guys at least had to have grown up with each other."   Joey's eyes
met mine and we both shyly looked away.  I became even more  nervous, if that
was possible and a ball of anxiety formed tightly in my  stomach.  God, Joey
looked so cute as a blush spread over his neck.   What I wouldn't give to just
touch it again.


"Well, we're cool but we gotta get to fifth period, Mr. Balding, so we'll
see you tomorrow." Joey replied.  As we tried to walk out Mr. Balding  stopped
us again.


"Oh, well, the reason I stopped you both is the sketch is good but it could
be great.  A friend of mine runs an art gallery in Montclair and has a fall
spot light on high school artist.   With a little work, I'd love to  submit
this to him.  Are you interested?"


"I don't know." Joey replied.


"I think you are very talented and should show your work off.  Think  of it
as an extra credit assignment."  Joey shrugged his shoulders as he  replied.


"Extra credit? Okay, I'll do it."


"Great, you and Chris work out a time to get together.  The  submissions aren'
t due until the fourth of November, so that give you guys about  a month to
work on it."  Mr. Balding smiled and moved pass us so we could  leave.  As we
were walking to our next classes, Joey looked over at me and  spoke.


"So, you wanna work on it... Saturday?"  I shot him a sideways glance.  "
Work on it"? What the hell did he wanna work on?  Damn! There goes my over
active imagination again.  I knew what he was talking about.


"Yeah Saturdays cool. Oh wait, I can't. I have plans. How about  Friday?"
He thought for a minute before answering.


"I kind of have plans, so how about next week?"  Before I could  answer, a
girl came over and hugged Joey.  I was surprised when she kissed  him on the
mouth.  The kiss wasn't passionate, but her lips lingered on his  a little
longer than I liked.  She was a very pretty Black girl.  Her  body was thin but not
skinny and she had hips that rivaled the most curvaceous  of singers.  Her
skin was the color of honey and her medium length brown  hair was highlighted
with streaks of gold.  She had these extremely long  artificial finger nails
painted a dangerous color of red.  With her knock  off Louis Vutton hand bag and
skin tight Baby Phat jeans, she was gorgeous and  she knew it.  Joey returned
her hug and the ball of anxiety hidden in the  depth of my stomach grew
larger.  She threw her body against his and  grinded her hips into his.  She was s
horter than me and had to stand on the  tips of her feet to kiss him.  I couldn'
t read the look on his face.   I just stood there like a fool waiting for him
to forget about her and come back  to me.  But he didn't.  He broke away from
the little bitch's kiss and  addressed her.


"Hey Mercedes.  What's up?"  Joey said to her.  The little  sluts name was
Mercedes. She reminded me more of a Tempo, cheap and easy to buy.  Who the hell
name's their kid after a car anyway?  I knew instantly that I  would not like
her.  Maybe it was the fake green contacts in her eyes or  the very pink
colored lip gloss she wore...or the fact that she was hugged up  and kissing the
guy that I wanted that made me hate her so much.  I hated  her even more as she
spoke to him.  Her voice was unnaturally soft.   One that evidently took her
many years to perfect.


"Hey baby, I missed you.  How come you ain't call me last  night?"  She
asked him


"Sorry Mercedes, I had stuff to do."  He replied, still ignoring my
presence.


"Well, don't forget you promised to take me to Loco's party Friday."   Loco
was having a party that I wasn't invited to!  What kind of bull shit  was
that?  I mean, I just met him but I thought we were cool enough for him  to
invite me.  Then Joey looked at me for the first time since "the bitch"  came.
His eyes opened wide and he broke away from their hug. "The Bitch",  I mean
Mercedes, looked over at me and introduced herself with that annoyingly  baby
soft voice.


"Hi, I'm Joey's girl Mercedes, but you can call me Mercy."  With looks
like hers she no doubt had many guys at her mercy.  I couldn't believe he  had a
girlfriend.  I could hear the sound of my heart breaking.  I'm  usually not
good at hiding my emotions, but I could have won an Oscar with my  performance.
I smiled and introduced myself.


"Hey Mercedes!  I'm Chris" I replied.  I'll be damned if I'll  call her
Mercy.  How I refrained from rolling my eyes at her annoying  smile, I'll never
know.  Joey stood there silent.  I needed to get  away from them. I waved good
bye and started to head off to class when Joey  stopped me.


"I'll call you later." Joey said.  I looked at him with the artificial
smile still on my face.


"You  don't have my number." I replied, with a hint of contempt in my
voice.


"Yeah I do. I'll call you later...okay."


"Sure." I replied as I walked off.   I could tell he knew I was  upset, but
he made no attempt to chase after me again and that just made the  pain
stronger.  I knew he was straight but I guess I still hoped that I was  wrong.  When
I kissed him, he kissed me back.  His hands were all over  my body.  A
straight guy would not have done that.  Maybe I was just  fooling myself, hoping for
something to happen that never would.


By lunchtime, I was more than ready to go home.  Amanda and Peanut  could see
something was bothering me, but  they didn't press me to  talk.  Loco came
over to our table and invited us to his party.  I  felt a little better knowing
that I wasn't forgotten but I still felt numb  inside.  On the bus ride home,
Amanda offered her ear to listen to my  problems.  I trusted her but I still
didn't know if I should tell her about  me, even though I felt like I knew her
all my life, in reality, it had only been  a few months.  Could I REALLY trust
her?  I didn't know if I could,  but this terrible pain inside of me was
waiting to burst.


It's painful enough having your heart broken, but it's even worse when you
don't have anyone to talk to about it to.  My life had been filled with
heartache and disappointment so I should have been used to it, but I  wasn't.  I
held so many things inside of me that no one understood.   Sometimes I had to
sleep with the light on because if it was too dark in the  room, I would think
about Hector.  The memories of what he used to do to me  would come back to me.
 I would relive the pain all over again.  I  would remember all the smells
and tastes.  I could remember the confusion  that I would feel after each time,
knowing that it was wrong but not knowing  why.  I remembered what use to
happen in the youth house.  The things  that I would bear witness to.  Some of the
kids there were assholes in the  purest forms.  It was a blessing that I was
never the victim of any of  their hands, at least not in the same way of some
of the others.  I guess  God spared me in that aspect.  That probably would
have sent my six year  old mind in overdrive and I don't know what kind of
person I would have  become  if what happened to some of the kids there had
happened to me. But  why can't I have any peace?  Why can't I have a little
happiness last  instead of fading as quickly as it came?  I didn't need peace of mind
but  just a little peace.  Maybe if I talked to Amanda I would feel  better.
I wasn't ready to tell her everything but I needed to get a little  bit off my
chest.


We went to her house to talk.  Her mother was always working so she  and her
sister were always alone.  We sat in her living room and I thought  how I
would say it to her.


"Have you ever liked someone and you thought that they liked you too but  you
were wrong?"  I asked her.


"Yeah, is that what's wrong.  You like some girl, but she doesn't like  you ?
"  She asked.  I danced around her question.


"Yeah, something like that."


"Well, if she doesn't like you the way you like her, there are always other
girls to go after."  She was trying, but she wasn't helping.


"But what if you were almost sure that they liked you, but didn't wanna
admit it."


"Then you have to forget about him.  If he doesn't want to tell you he
likes you, then you need to find a guy who will."  I looked at her with my  mouth
wide open.  I was stunned by what she just said.  My first  thought was to
deny it, but one look at the knowing smile on her face and I  broke down.  I
began to cry.  My body was shaking with the force of my  sobs.  She just held me.
I have never been a tough guy, but I felt  like such a sissy.  After a few
minutes, I was able to compose  myself.


"How did you know?" I asked her.  Her gentle smile softened even more  as
she replied.


"You don't look or act gay or anything like that, but the more time I'm
around you, I don't know, I can just tell.  Plus, the fact that you have  never
made a pass on my sexy ass kinda gave you away." I laughed and hugged  her.


"Yeah you do have a sexy ass."  I said jokingly.  We sat silently  in
reflection.  I hadn't planned on telling her that part about me, but I  was glad
that she knew.  I started to feel a little better but not  much.


"Well, you better watch out for Kayla because she has it bad for you." She
said.


"Kayla's a sweet girl, but I like a stick shift, not an automatic." I said
and we both laughed at my cheesy joke.  She said something stupid about now
that I was gay, I got funnier.  I just hoped she wouldn't want to know who  the
guy of my dreams was.


"So, who is the guy you like?" She asked.


 "I don't want to say who he is right now, but maybe one day I'll tell  you."
  I answered. She dropped the subject and we did our  homework.   It felt so
good letting someone know one of my  secrets.  I felt like a small weight had
been lifted off my chest.   Amanda went into the bathroom to take a shower and
just as I was getting ready  to leave, there was a knock on her door.  I
opened it and to my dismay,  there stood Nate.  He looked at me with that ever
present sneer.  He  wore a baggy green throwback jersey and a green Pacers cap
turned backwards hung  off his head. His voice was rough and harsh as he spoke
to me.


"Where's Mandy?" He asked. The fear was taking over me again, like it
always did when he was around.  I shakily answered him.


"Sh...She's in the bathroom." I replied. He laughed at me and I  kept  my
eyes glued down at his Timberland boots.  He pushed pass me to get in  the
apartment.  I moved to leave, but he pulled me back in, leading me to  the couch
to sit.


"Why you always trying to run from me?" Nate demanded.  His arm was  hung
forcefully around my shoulders pulling me towards his body.


"I'm not always trying to run, but I need to get home.  My Aunt's  waiting."
  I answered, my body slightly trembling.


"Naw Nigga, your Aunt's gonna have to wait a little while.  You still  haven'
t been welcomed to the hood properly.  A pretty little light skin cat  like
you need someone to have your back.  You gotta watch yourself around  here.  I
wanna have your back."  He was trying to get me to trust  him.  He was acting
nice so I would let my guard down.  I wasn't  buying it, but I didn't let him
know.


"Really, that's cool of you.  Thanks."  I answered, hoping the  fear from my
voice didn't give my doubts of him away.  Before he could  reply Amanda came
out the bathroom and he turned his attention to her.   After a minute I left,
trying to shake off the chills he gave me as I walked  home.


When I came home, I found Aunt Mickey sitting with an older black man in  the
living room.  He was tall and heavy set but fit.  His hair was  graying
slightly at the edges, but his face still maintained a youthful,  friendly
appearance.  He introduced himself as Roger.  He wanted to  take me out to dinner so
we could get to know each other better.  I agreed  and looking Aunt Mickey, I
knew that she was happy.


At the restaurant Roger told me about the project he and Aunt Mickey had
been working on.  He seemed to be a real nice guy.  You could plainly  see that
he was a proud black man and judging by the way he carried himself and  the way
he spoke, he was a perfect match for Mickey.  He seemed to be  stable and she
needed someone in her life to provide stability.   I  guess I needed that
too.  We ate at a soul food restaurant where he knew  the owners.  The food
reminded me of times with my birth mother.  She  made the best southern soul food.
Collard greens, baked macaroni and  cheese, ox tales and black eyed peas
satisfied me.  I really liked Roger  and I liked how happy he made Aunt Mickey. I
was glad that somebody around me  had some joy in their life.


After a great dinner and some good conversation, Roger dropped us off at
home and Aunt Mickey went up to bed.  I decided to stay up for a while. I
checked the caller I.D. and saw that Joey called several times before it was  eight o
'clock.  He left two messages on the answering machine.   Against my will, my
heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice.
"Hey, Chris  dude, it's Joey...Call me when you get this."  In the next
message he  sounded like he had been crying. "Hey it's Joey again...I guess
your not  home...Um...I just wanted to find out when you wanna work
together...oh yeah  Mercedes is my ex, sorry about her...ahh...yeah so I'll
see you  tomorrow...okay...bye."  I smiled to myself.  He sounded so
nervous.  God, I think I might be falling for him again.  Maybe it  wasn't
over like I thought it was. Maybe it was just  beginning.... 

			     To be continued.
Copyright 2004

AUTHORS NOTE : OKAY HELLO GUYS AND MY  FELLOW GIRLS : )  I HAVE SENT THIS
CHAPTER OUT EARLY BECAUSE I AM GOING ON  A TWO AND A HALF WEEKS VACATION OUT OF
THE STATE AND WON'T BE POSTING ANYTHING  NEW UNTIL I GET BACK.  I AM SORRY THAT
YOU HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG, BUT WHEN  I COME BACK I WILL BE COMING IN, FULL
FORCE WITH CHAPTER 9  AND EXPECT THE PREMIER OF MY LONG OVERDUE NEW STORY,"I
HATE ANTHONY" ABOUT  A BOY WHO BULLIES ANOTHER BOY.......AND YES, THE LEADS ARE
BLACK AND  SPANISH......SEEING A PATTERN HERE LOL!!!!  I JUST WANTED TO GIVE A
 SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER, BJ, FOR HIS CONTINUED
ENTERTAINING CONVERSATIONS.  I NEVER BELIEVED IN "INTERNET FRIENDS" ,BUT BJ  MY
FRIEND, YOUR CHANGING THAT. NOW, ONLY IF THEY WOULD BRING BACK ONE TREE
HILL........DAMN WB!!!  ANOTHER SHOUT OUT GOES OUT TO ROCKHUNTER 49 FOR  ALWAYS
KEEPING ME SMILING.  I WISH YOU ALL HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND TO ANYONE WHO  WOULD LIKE
TO BE ON MY BOOTLEG ASS NOTIFICATION LIST FOR NEW CHAPTERS OR IF YOU  ARE
FEELING THIS STORY AND WANT TO LET ME KNOW, SEND THEM TO _Madasonaysha@aol.com_
(mailto:Madasonaysha@aol.com)  or _Madisonaysha@yahoo.com_
(mailto:Madisonaysha@yahoo.com)  BUT PLEASE USE  THE AOL ACCOUNT FIRST. I WILL ALWAYS RESPOND.  IF
YOU DON'T GET AN  IMMEDIATE RESPONSE, PLEASE BE PATIENT, I PROMISE I WILL GET
BACK TO YOU  WHEN I GET OFF VACATION.  SEE YOU IN CHAPTER 9!!!!