Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 13:41:10 EDT
From: Madasonaysha@aol.com
Subject: "Chase After Me" chapter 3

Disclaimer: See first  chapter

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			     "CHASE AFTER ME"

				By Maddy A.

		      CHAPTER 3: WORDS YOU CAN'T SAY



Chase lived about a twenty minute  walk away from my house on the other side
of town.  His section wasn't as  upscale as mine, but it was still clean and
comfortable.  My mom made my  father drop me off despite his many protests on
how it was better for me to  walk.  The wind was chilly, like most spring
nights are.  The smell of  mint leaves filled my lungs as I excited the car.  Chase'
s house was not as  nice or big as mine, but it felt more like home than my
own.  All of my  happiest moments and memories had taken place inside of it.
When we were  younger, we would have sleepovers.  Many summer nights were spent
camping  out in his little red tent in the backyard. Always in his backyard
and never in  mine, that's how I liked it.  My father would rarely ever let me
invite  friends over.  Even after all the years of us being best friends, I
could  count of one hand the amount of times he had been to my house.  The few
times that he did come over was when my mother was home.  She was the only
one who would let me invite him.



When ever we would camp out, Chase  used to love to scare me with scary
stories.  He would tell me tales of  vampires and demons that lived in the woods
near his house.  He used to  scare me so bad, that I couldn't fall asleep in my
sleeping bag.  I would  almost always wound up having to ask to sleep in his
and he would always agree,  never making me feel bad about it.  Even at ten he
was the only thing I  counted on, the only thing I needed.  Even though he
knew that later in the  night I would ask to get into his bag with him, he would
still tell me those  scary stories.  Whenever I would shake him awake, he
would just smile and  open up his sleeping bag so I could climb in.  I would
cuddle against him,  my back to his front and I would feel safe.  Sometimes during
the night I  would feel his arms embrace me and it would feel right yet so
wrong at the same  time.  It was all innocent at the point.  Until the summer I
turned  twelve.



The older I got, the more I started  to realize that even though Chase and I
were close, I wanted to be closer.   I wanted to be more than his friend, but
I knew that was wrong.  I didn't  know what to call myself, but I knew that
the feelings I had towards him weren't  right.  I was suppose to want to kiss
and hold Susana Williams.  I was  suppose to want her to be my girl friend, and
think about running my hands  through her hair, but all I wanted to do was
twirl a lock of Chase's golden  curls.  I was suppose to be dreaming about her,
but the only person I  dreamed about was him. The  thought that I could
possibly be gay brought  out a fear inside of me that not even my father could
compare to.   I  thought that maybe those feelings would pass and I would get over
it, but with  time it only grew stronger.  I was terrified when I realized that
I was in  love with him, Chase, my best friend, another boy.



I rationalized that the only reason  I was feeling like that towards him was
because we were so close.   I  would dream about other guys, but they were
always nameless faces I would see on  the television or would pass in the
hallways, but it was Chase who remained a  constant.  I thought that maybe if I didn'
t hang around with him so much,  that the crazy dreams and fantasies I would
have about him, would  disappear.  As much as it hurt me inside, I slowly
started to distance  myself from him.  I started off with limiting our normally
nightly phone  conversations to once every couple of days.  I would dodge him in
the halls  and as much as it pained me to, whenever he would make a lame joke
instead of  laughing at like I always would do, I would tell him just how much
it  sucked.  I did and said whatever hurtful thing that I could to make him
stay away. I would practically ignore him in school, I stopped getting rides
with him and rode the school bus.  It hurt me to see that I was hurting  him,
but what other choice did I have? Poor Chase didn't understand what he did  to
make me so mad at him.  He was always asking what he did to me and why I
acted the way I did, but I would try to make him feel like he was crazy and I
would pretend that every thing was fine.  Thanks to my father, I had years  of
practice so I perfected the art of pretending.



That went on for two months.   No matter how mean, or nasty I would be
towards him, like the loyal friend that  he was, he kept coming around so I did the
one thing that I knew would keep him  away.  I become friends again with Billy
Randall.  Before Chase moved  to town, Billy had been my best friend.  As
time went on and Chase and I  grew closer, Billy sort of become more like a
casual acquaintance than a  friend.  He hated the fact that he had been `replaced'
and Chase never took  a liking to him.  He would talk to him and occasionally
we would all hang  out, but Chase never really `liked' him.  Chase thought
Billy was a bully  and you know something, he was right.  Billy would order me
around and  wouldn't hesitate to hit me or get physical if I didn't do what
he  wanted.   I used to think that his red hair was just a sign of his hot
temper. Our friendship was mostly built around my fear of him. When my father
started hitting me, I become this shy and introverted kid and Billy used those
characteristics to manipulate me.   For a nine year old, he was a  smart
little shit.



Times weren't always bad with  Billy.  Occasionally we would have fun
together.  We would skip rocks  in the creek that ran behind his house. I was always
intimidated by him and what  ever he asked me to do, I did it.  Including
playing games that we probably  shouldn't have.
When we were eight, we had our first sleep over.  I  guess we had been
friends since the first grade, but up until that point we had  never did anything
outside of school. He was the youngest child out of seven  kids.  Most of his
older brothers and sisters were grown and had moved out,  but his older brother
Brady was only fifteen at the time, so he still lived  there.  Brady was the
spitting image of Billy or should I say vice-  versa.  They both had flaming
straight red hair cut in a `bowl' style with  bangs falling into their eyes.
They were both extremely fair and had these  scary blue eyes that looked like
they belonged on a dog rather than a  person.  They were the kind of ice blue
that chilled you. Billy and I were  exploring his house when we found ourselves
snooping around in Brady's  room.  Billy went into Brady's closet and pulled
out a magazine that he hid  behind his back.  With a sneaky tone to his
voice, he told me to lock  Brady's door and sit next to him on the bed.   I wasn't
prepared for  what I saw.



A blonde girl lay eagle spread on  the cover, naked as the day she was born.
 I was curious to see the  other pictures, but Billy wouldn't let me turn the
page.  We flipped  through it for a little while and one scene got to me.  It
was just a  picture of a naked guy, stroking himself.  For some reason, which
I didn't  understand at the time, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Even
after Billy had  moved on and was mesmerized by the hugest pair of fake boobs,
this side of the  Mason-Dixon line,  I kept thinking about that naked man. We
came across  another scene where it was two guys sitting on a floor and
jacking off.   Billy must have noticed my interest because he looked over at me and
grinned.  In a whispery voice he said, "Why look at them, when we look at
each others?" Like I said, for a kid he was smart.  Next thing I knew our  pants
were off and lets just say things evolved from there.  Needless to  say there
was nothing special about either of us, but at the time it was the  most
exciting thing I had ever experienced.  Looking back I can chop it all  down to
simple exploration, but at the time it felt like more.  I wasn't in  love with
Billy, in fact I secretly hated him for the mean way he treated me,  but my
early experiences with him helped me understand some things later  on.



Most of the time Billy was a real  asshole.  He loved to push and shove me
around just for the fun of  it.  I never fought back even though I wasn't afraid
of him.  I didn't  understand why I let him get away with all the shit he put
me through, but  looking back now I can understand why.  My father treated me
like shit so I  guess it was easy for me to be attached to someone else who
would.  Chase  saw early on how bad Billy treated me and that was the main
reason he didn't  like him.  When Chase was around, Billy wouldn't dare bully me,
he was  afraid to.  One time on the playground Billy wanted to play
basketball and  when I didn't, he shoved me to the ground and told me that I'd better
play or he  wouldn`t be my friend.  I was just about to get up and play when
Chase came  out of no where and pushed Billy down.  He told him that I didn't
have to  play if I didn't want to and then he helped me up and we left Billy
laying on  the ground dumb founded.  Billy knew better than to try to pick on
Chase.  Even at nine he was the tallest out of everyone in our class.   Me, I
was a few inches taller that Billy, but Chase had to be almost a foot  taller
than me so you can see why Billy knew better.   Over that year,  Chase slowly
helped pull me away and out of my unhealthy friendship with  Billy.  By the end
of that year I barley spoke two words to  him.



The only way I could think to get  under Chase's skin was to befriend Billy a
gain, so that's what I did.  I  was twelve, what did I know.  I started off
small.  I had gym class  with both Billy and Chase and during a game of softball
I picked Billy instead  of Chase to play on my team.  I guess you could say
Billy was that asshole  type who still managed to be popular despite his cruel
behavior.  When I  picked him, he looked an equal mixture of surprised and
annoyed.  I had  barley spoken to him for the last three years so I understood
his  apprehension.  Chase of course was hurt by the fact that I didn't choose
him and as much as that hurt me, it had to be done.  I had all of these
confusing feelings and being around him only added to that confusion and I just
wanted thing to be less difficult for me.



I stopped sitting with Chase and  sat with Billy at lunch and as the days
went on, Chase's patience with me  wavered.  Whenever he got the chance, he would
always ask me what he did  that made me mad at him and why I would hang
around Billy.  I couldn't give  Chase the real reason so I shrugged it off as Billy
was just cool  That was  a total lie.  In the years since I had stopped being
friends with him, the  asshole inside of him had gotten bigger.  I guess I
was a gluten for  punishment.  The final straw came when he caught me smoking a
stoggie with  Billy.  Chase hated cigarettes.  His grandfather died of lung
cancer  and I knew that he was against smoking of any kind.  Chase was shooting
ball with some of our other friends and I pretended not to notice him.
Every few minutes I would catch him sneaking a peak at me, but he made not move
to come and talk to me.  He saw that I was with Billy and by that time he  was
slowly taking the hint that I didn't want him around. Billy lit up a
cigarette and offered me one.  I looked at Chase, who had just made a 3-  point shot
and I looked down at the little white cigarette that was in Billy's  hand.  I
could see Chase looking at me like he knew me.  Looking at me  as if he knew
that I wouldn't take it.  It was like he was holding on to  that one fact to
keep our friendship; he knew me.  I needed to show him  that he didn't know me,
not the real me so I took the stoggie and smoked  it.  To say that I smoked
gracefully would be a gross  understatement.   I coughed and wheezed and couldn't
quite inhale, but  I tried.   I felt Chase's eyes glaring as he looked at me
sorrowfully,  paused, looked away and dribbled the ball in the opposite
direction.    I persuaded Billy to got back to his house because I couldn't stand
being around  Chase and feeling his disappointed eyes on me.   After that day,
we  didn't speak to each other for months.



Occasionally I would catch him  staring at me with a sad expression.  His
hazel eyes didn't shine anymore  and whenever I caught him he would just look
away..  We would exchange a  casual smile or a wassup in the halls, but that was
it.  There was nothing  else.  I should have been happy, but I wasn't.  At the
time I thought  I was doing what was best.  I thought that if I wasn't around
him so much,  then all of my "feelings" would go away, but they didn't.  If
anything they  grew more intense.  I never realized just how much I depended
on a simple  hello or conversation with him to help make my life bearably.
Whenever my  father would beat me, which was almost daily, I had no comfort to
fall back  on.



Billy was still a real piece of  work.  He was still smaller than me, but the
jerk inside of him more than  overcompensated for his lack of height.  He
wouldn't think twice at  ordering me around.  On more than one occasion I found
myself buying his  lunch or cleaning his bedroom, just because he told me to.
One day we had  a conversation of the old days; before Chase came to town.  It
was obvious  that they shared a mutual dislike of each other.  Whenever the
opportunity  presented itself, Billy would talk bad about Chase.  Whether it be
picking  on the funny Canadian way he spoke or his curly blonde hair,
whatever mean thing  Billy could think of, he would say it.  It was almost as if he
was obsessed  with him.   If I didn't know how much he hated Chase I would have
 thought he was in love with him.



Without Chase, my life felt so  pointless.  Living with my father was hard
enough, but with out the comfort  of Chase, there was no solace.  To make
matters worse Billy thought it  would be fun to start doing those things that we did
when we were younger  again.  I was against it at first, but Billy managed to
convince me with a  few of his "oh so kind" words.  A part of me liked what
we were  doing.  It was a lot more fun now that we were older, but a lot
scarier.  I couldn't chop it up to simple exploration because we were  beyond that
faze.  No, the things we were doing were worse than my simple  feelings for
Chase.  With him, there was love and trust and the need to be  affectionate,
but with Billy there was none of that.   Just pointless  jacking each other off.
 He just wanted to get off and I don't really know  what I was doing.  There
were a few times that I liked it, but more than  often I didn`t.  I just went
along with what Billy wanted.  It took me  a few months to get the courage to,
but I slowly started to distance myself from  Billy.  Unlike Chase, it was
easy to do that and Billy could care  less.  He had other friends and found a
girlfriend so when I started  ignoring him, he didn't give me  a second thought.
  Once again I  was alone.



It had been a few months since I  had talked to Chase.  Then fate in the form
of Mrs. Lopez intervened.   She partnered us up together on science project;
something about sonic  waves.  I was nervous to see what Chase's reaction
would be, but when I saw  his bright smile I knew that things were going to be
okay.  It was a little  awkward talking to him at first.  It felt like we were
strangers, it had  been so long since we last had a real conversation.  We made
plans to get  together after school.  When I got home I was so excited by the
prospect  that Chase and I could maybe become friends again.  I knew that my
feelings  for him were still strong, but I missed him.  I would take his
friendship  again first and then worry about the rest later.  In my excitement I
must  have slammed the front door because seconds as I was in the door I heard
the  irritated yelling of my father.



"WHAT IS ALL THAT GOD DAMN NOISE?"  He yelled and I thought `Oh No!'  He
came out of the den with his business  suit on and his light brown hair combed
back making him look like the  professional man that he was.   At all
appearances you would just  write him off as a studious business man.  A hardworking
lawyer and devoted  family man.  Bull shit!  He didn't give a fuck about me and
he  certainly didn't care about my sister Gia.  I bet he didn't even remember
 her let alone think about her or the things he did, but I  remembered.
Every night I remembered.  When I went to sleep at  I would hear her screams and
his moans ringing in my ears as constant reminders  the his sins he made no
attempt to shield me from.   But, there was no  penance for his crimes.  No one
knew except the three of us and the two of  us weren't talking.  I was too
afraid.  Like he always told me, nobody  would believe me.  I know what he use to
do to her, I know what he  did.  He was a monster...if I believed in God I
would have thought he was  the devil himself for what I saw that day.  For what
he tried to make me  believe I didn't...but I did.


"I'm sorry dad.  Chase is  co---" My apology was cut off by a hard slap
across the face.



"DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK?!?  ALL  YOU GIVE IS EXCUSE AFTER GOD DAMN EXCUSE!
I HAVE HALF A MIND TO TAKE  THIS BELT TO YOU!" He  yelled.   `Oh God! Oh God!
Oh God! Oh God!  Oh God! Oh God!' I kept whispering inside of my head.  I
knew that if he  took off that belt, that was the end of it.  I kept my gaze down
the  expensive marble floor.  I knew better than to look him the eye.  He
would take that as a sign of insolence.  I just stood there quietly, but  that
pissed him off even more. "OH, SO YOU WANT TO BE A LITTLE SMART ASS AND NOT
SAY ANYTHING!  HAVE IT  YOUR WAY!"  He continued to yell as he  pushed me so
hard that I fell on the floor, biting my lip hard enough to taste  the metallic
blood flow into my mouth.  He was screaming unintelligible  words at me,  but I
did manage to  hear `faggot' a few times.   All of this was going on in the
front hallway of the main entrance.  The  doors were made of glass and had a
foamy froth painted across so all you could  make out were shapes and
silhouettes from a distance.   My father was  about to kick me when I noticed a tall
figure with a golden mop of hair walking  up the walk-way.  I tried to warn my
father that Chase was coming, but I  was silenced with a not so gentle kick to
my gut.   He kept on  screaming at me. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS CA---" He started,
but was cut off by the  buzzing of the doorbell.   He turned around annoyed to
see Chase's  face pressed up against that glass.  My father whispered for me
to answer  it.  I slowly pulled myself up and wiped away the few tears that
had  escaped.  I knew from the burning on my face that my father's slap had left
 a red mark against my light brown skin, but I hoped  it didn't show through
too much.


"Hey Chase."  I said with a  smile on my face, but he saw through it.



"Why are you crying, what's  wrong?"  He asked with concern on his face and
I saw his eyes travel  quickly to my cheek.  I guess I didn't do that good of
a job wiping away my  tears.  Embarrassed, I turned around trying to hide my
face as I motioned  for him to come in.  I told him that I had fell and hurt my
arm.  The  look on his face let me know that he wasn't buying it.  Before he
could  finish his questioning my father reappeared.



"Chase? You haven't come around in  quite a while, how have you been son?"
My father asked him with his  normally cold smile now warmed.   Chase
immediately fell for his  act.



"Hey Mr. Pratt! I'm fine, how are  you?"  He replied cheerfully.



"I'm well!  So what have you  been up too?  It's been a while."  My father
continued ignoring my  presence.



"I've been good." Chase replied and  gave me a look that I couldn't
decipher.



"I thought you two weren't friends  anymore!"  My father joked and Chase
looked over at my sad face and  smiled.


"Were still friends...Best  friends."  He replied and I smiled.  In less than
an instant, our  friendship was renewed.


We never started the project that  day.  Instead, we got caught up on three
months of missed friendship.   There was nothing important that happened to me,
but Chase had experienced his  first kiss.  It was with Melissa Ling, this
annoyingly sweet girl who not  only was nice, but was beautiful to match.   I
couldn't help, but to  feel the evil seeds of jealousy sprouting as he recanted
the story of how she  walked up to him after school and kissed him before
walking away with a smile on  her face and giggling to her friends.  I smiled at
the smile that was on  his face as he spoke, but when the realization that his
smile wasn't for me, but  Melissa, it quickly faded.  Chase saw the change in
my face and asked me  what was wrong.  Even after being apart for so long, he
was still able to  read my emotions.  I gave the excuse that I was just tired
and thankfully  he didn't press the issue.



The time that we spent apart didn't  matter.  Once we made up we were closer
than ever and even referred to our  separation jokingly as the "seventh grade
incident".  Every now and then he  would ask me what it was that he did to
make me so made, but he would never get  an answer from me.  I would just smile
and shrug it off, and the subject  would always get dropped.



So, here it was four years later  and the love that I had for Chase went
beyond the simple means of  friendship.  It was pure yet sweet torture being
around him knowing that I  could never fully express my feelings of love towards
him, but that's how it had  to be.    It had to be that way or no way and I
would rather  suffer with him silently than not with him at all.



It was only a little after eight,  but already the sky was dark with a deep
blue.  The only lights on his  street came from porch lights, which did little
to illuminate anything and the  bushes that lined the edge of his front yard
blocked that little light  out.  The streets on his side of town didn't have
any sidewalks so as soon  as I stepped out of the car, my feet was cushioned
with the dark green grass. I  was glad that I wore my jacket because although it
was early spring, the night  was filled with winters chill.  I peered up a his
house and saw that the  only lights on were in his bedroom on the second
floor and the living  room.  I stood there for a moment looking up, not moving.
A  quick blur of red flashed passed and it was Chase.  I couldn't tell from
the distance, but he looked to be upset about something with the way he was
pacing.  He stopped in front of his window and stared out into the night as  he
roughly pushed back his curly blonde hair away from his face.  I loved  how as
soon as he moved his hands, his bang of curls fell back in his hazel  eyes.
For a moment it felt like he was looking down at me, but I knew it  was too
dark for him to see me.



I couldn't be positive, but he  looked like he was stressing about something.
 I thought to myself that I  was suppose to be the one with all the problems,
not him.  He was too  beautiful and good for worries unlike me who deserved
every fucked up thing that  happened.    His frustrations must have gotten to
him because he  growled out loud enough for me hear and picked up what I
assumed was a book and  through it across the room.  I could hear the faint thump as
it hit the  wall followed by Chase yelling "nothing" to whom I'm sure was
his mother.   His frustrations continued and he tore off his t-shirt and threw
that down  to.  His body was cut in all the right places with athletic prowess
in a  natural, not overt way, but his face still held that baby fat that I
found  attractive and was offset by his cute upturned nose.  At the moment he was
 attempting to grow a beard just for the hell of it, but he only had a few
sparse  dark blonde hairs that gave him a rugged, yet still clean look.   He
turned back to face the window and I found myself lost looking up at him as I
slowly made my way down the walkway and towards the front door.  It was  like
he was looking at me, but there was no way he could see me.  He  scratched his
abdomen and it felt like he was putting on a show for me.  I  know that must
sound crazy, it is crazy, but that's what it felt like.  He  rubbed his hand
slowly across he soft skin and from the distance, I imagined his  skin prickling
with goose-bumps like the ones that were forming on my arms with  the sight
of him.  I was in a trance like daze just gazing up at him with  each slow
step.  He continued to gaze down out his window at something that  I didn't see.
I was too consumed with my own thoughts of him to follow his  gaze.  I couldn'
t be sure, but out of no where a small smile seemed to form  across his face.
His hand continued to rub his stomach only now he was  doing it even slower
and the grin on his face deepened.  I could feel  myself tightening in my jeans
with the show he was inadvertently giving  me.  I continued to walk and the
closer I got to his door, the more into  focus he became.    His hazel eyes
seemed to glimmer with a hint  of something I couldn't decipher.   I was directly
below his window  now and his smile seemed even brighter as I finally realize
just what it was  that he had been staring at.  ME!  `He was looking at ME!!
He was  looking at me LOOK at him!  No, he couldn't have, could he?  Oh  Shit!
 Oh God!' My panicked thoughts must have been evident on my face  because I
could see the worry on Chase's face from the window as his smile  faded.   I
was less than ten feet away from the door and I couldn't  decide if I should
just knock on it and pretend like everything was fine or if I  should run in the
other direction.  Pretending was easy for me, but I  didn't want to have do
that.  Do you know how much energy that takes?   How much stress it puts on your
body?  Pretending that everything in your  life is so fucking perfect and
wonderful when really all you want to do is  die!  It kills your soul and at that
moment I didn't want to go through the  motions.  So, I turned around and
tried to head home.    As  I was halfway across the lawn, Chase's front door was
thrown open and a  flustered Chase appeared.  His chest was flushed with a
deep red against  his naturally golden tanned skin.  His eyes were wild and his
face was  flushed as he struggled to catch his breathe.  He must have ran down
the  stairs in a rush to get me.



"Are you okay?"  He asked with  concern laden in his voice.   I was too
shocked to speak.  Embarrassment from being caught ogling him mixed with my fear.
 It  was a paralyzing effect that normally only my father had the power to
do.   My mind was clouded with confusing thoughts and I couldn't verbalize a
lie.  For some random irrational reason I thought he had figured out I was  in
love with him and all I wanted to do was get out of there.  I wanted to  walk
away, run away, anything that could get me to leave, but I couldn't  move.
Chase's deep blond eyebrows furrowed with my lack of response.   He pulled me
into his arms and I flinched at the  unexpected contact.   His arms were strong
and his scent was rich with sweat and soap.  I found  myself slowly lifting my
arms and hugging him back.  His grip was firm and  I leaned my head on his
shoulder as his arms rested at my sides.  He  whispered in my ear with his deep
gruff voice. "Tell me...what's wrong?"  He  repeated twice.  I stood in
silence finding myself still unable to  speak.  I could feel tears gathering in the
corner of my eyes.  I was  so afraid that I screwed up like I always did.  My
father was right about  me, I didn't deserve to be happy, I didn't deserve
anything good in my  life.  I was just standing there like some little helpless
faggot about to  cry into my best friends arms because I knew he didn't love
me like I loved  him.  But, Chase didn't let up.  He wanted to know what was
wrong with  me and why I was shaking in his arms.  Growing up, neither of us
were very  affectionate with each other, so that's why I was surprised with how
openly he  embraced me.  I hadn't even realized I was shaking until he said
something.  I let my arms fall down, away from his neck, but he kept his  grip
firm on my sides; keeping me close.  He continued to whisper in my ear  only
this time it was with less sympathy and more urgency.  "Damn it  Louis!  Tell
me!  What the fuck is wrong?"  I responded with  silence, but he continued on.  "
Just tell me, please?  Whatever it is,  I'll help you, but you gotta tell me!
 Please...just say it?"  He  begged.  It almost felt like he knew what I was
thinking, but wanted me to  tell him.  I couldn't tell him that when he touched
me, my skin felt on  fire.  That whenever he looked at me, my stomach tied up
in knots and I  found it hard to sit still.  God, I wish my life didn't have
to be so  difficult!  I couldn't take being so close to him so I pushed him
away.   I don't know how, but I found myself turning to run away from  him.  I
heard heavy breathing behind me and the next thing I knew, Chase  had me
tackled to the lawn.  The grass was wet and prickling the exposed  skin on my
hands.  Chase's face was only inches away from mine and I  thanked God that it was
too dark for him to make out my features, but I could  make out his.  I had
studied each structure and form of  his face for  years and each groove and
contour was so elegantly formed.    Everything about him was beautiful, whereas
everything about me wasn't.  I  pushed myself up and he pushed me back down with
one hand.



"No, your not leaving until   you tell me what's wrong!"  He demanded.  My
voice was shaky and  hoarse, but the tears hadn't fallen yet and for that I was
 thankful.



"Th--there's nothing wrong.  I  gotta go home."  I managed to whisper and
tried to get up again, but he  knocked me back down so my head lay in the wet
grass.  The moon gave us  little light and I could see blades of grass on his
shoulders. I found myself  absent-mindedly picking the blades off his bare
tanned skin.  I don't know  what possessed me to do such a dumb thing, but I did it
anyway.  His  breathing quickened as did mine.  I looked up into his eyes and
things just  felt right.  I can't explain how or why things felt like they
were falling  into place, but they were.  Maybe it was the shy smile he gave me
that made  the hairs on his chin move.  Maybe it was when I let my hand move
off of  his shoulder and around his back.  Maybe it was when he didn't stop
me.  Maybe it was when he pressed his body closer to mine.  Maybe it  was when
his head leaned down and my leaned up.  Maybe it was the moonlight  and the
smell of a spring's night air around us.  I don't know what it was,  but
something that night made us kiss.  It was slow and both of our eyes  were open wide
with fear and uncertainty, but we moved forward...and forward...I  could feel
his hot mouth centimeters from mine.  When he licked his lips in  preparation
for contact, his tongue flicked across my lower lip and I pushed  forward.  It
was a peck that we both pulled away from way too quickly with  a smacking
sound.  Chase stood up quickly and backed away from  me.



"Um...umm...oh god!  Shit...I  gotta go"  He stammered.  I couldn't look at
him.  I didn't want  to look at him, I was too ashamed.  I had ruined
everything and the tears  were going to spill at any moment, but I couldn't find the
strength to pull  myself off the lawn and run home.  It was the slamming of
his front door  that brought me out of my trance.  I pulled my broken body up
and walked  away from his house.  When I reached to road where there should have
been  sidewalk, but instead was grass I took a longing glance at Chase's
window.   To my surprise he was standing there looking back at me.



"Call me tomorrow!"  He yelled  out in a voice that sounded strained and I
turned and left.  Out of the  corner of my eye I saw the light of his bedroom
go out.  It took me an hour  to walk the twenty minute's home.  My heavy heart
slowed me  down....

			   To Be Continued.....

**Wanna know what happens next? You  would have known weeks ago if you were
in my yahoo group.  To join cut and  paste
_http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MaddyA_Stories_
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MaddyA_Stories)   (take note of the
underscore between A  and Stories) 

Copyright Madison Aysha Dant  2005