Date: Thu, 06 Oct 2005 15:01:01 -0400
From: S N <sum1plezzcall_911@hotmail.com>
Subject: Heavens_Just_A_Sin_Away, Chapter 19

Disclaimer: This is a FICTIONAL story describing the love triangle of a
teenage boy. If you are not over 18 years of age, or if you find this type
of story offensive, or viewing this material is illegal where you are, then
refrain from reading it. The story consists of lust, passion, teenage
romance, interracial, love and all the rest of the good stuff in that
order... Prepare for sin

                     CHAPTER 19: The Loudest Words Ever Ignored
/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~


     "Are we still together?"  T-Boy asked me.

     I sighed, "We are in the hospital with your adopted brother getting
poison treatment and the first thing you do is if we are still together?"

     We'd been in the hospital waiting room for over an hour.  T-Boy had
been asking me a question about where our relationship was at every ten
minutes.  I really just avoided the questions because my mind was
preoccupied with thinking about Sampson.  T-Boy didn't seem too concerned
about Sampson.  He was concerned, but not anywhere near as much as I was
concerned.

Shane was there, but he wasn't too concerned about Sampson either.  He kept
running in and out of the hospital because he was having parking trouble.
I had the feeling that he really wanted to just leave, but it wouldn't be
morally right.  He had showed up for some kind of support after I'd told
him Sampson tried to commit suicide.  Shane was more furious about having
to move his car then sad about Sampson.

     Then there was Byron.  It pissed me off that he didn't look too
distraught either.  He was talking to this FLY ass guy who was sitting next
to him.  Truth was I would have been trying to talk to the guy too, but I
was too preoccupied with these depressed thoughts.

     They all were superficial at the moment.  It was almost like they were
there.  They said they were supporting Sampson.  I guess in a way they
really were supporting him by even being at the hospital.  Yet still they
should have showed a little more interest or concern.  It just wasn't
right.

     "The doctor said Sampson was going to be fine," T-Boy explained, "What
are you so miserable about?  You should be happy."

     He was kind of right.  I was more emotional then I usually was.  I
felt like what happened to Sampson was my fault.  It really was my fucking
fault!  I had blamed Sampson for what Holden did.  I was the reason Sampson
had tried to commit suicide!

     I put my head down, "Its just that this is all my fault."

     "What?"

     I shook my head.  I had wanted to talk to someone about it.  T-Boy
wasn't exactly the first person that I had in mind, but I knew that if
Sampson were better then he'd probably want to see us any time now.  How
could I look at Sampson knowing that I had blamed him for something his
twin brother did?

     "No never mind."

     "Tell me, Syn," T-Boy poked looking at me with his appealing
expression, "What were you just saying?"

     I didn't know how to put it.  I felt soft.  For the first time in my
life, I wasn't confident or certain about myself.  I had made a mistake.  I
had made a mistake that could of cost a life.  I was such an ass!

     "I got mad at Sampson," I explained, "I think that's why he tried to
kill himself."

     T-Boy laughed, "No, Sampson tried to kill himself because he's an
emotional wreck."

     Sampson really was an emotional wreck.  He took things so personally.
I knew it would be so easy to hurt his ego.  He was very sensitive.  His
sensitivity could be triggered off my so many different things.

     "No," I explained, "Its because of Holden."

     "Holden "

     When T-Boy said the name, his voice kind of trailed off and he looked
away from me.  He looked as though he was remembering Holden.  He looked
like he was recalling his first love and all the things they shared
together.  He was recalling his first time with Holden.

     "I saw Holden," I explained, "I saw him at a dinner party.  I got mad
at Sampson the next day because I thought he was Holden and he denied to
know me."

     "Syn, you keep saying that," T-Boy explained, "I told you that Holden
was dead."

     "No you don't understand."

     I knew what I saw.  I knew that I'd seen Holden at that dinner party.
I wasn't fucking stupid.  I turned around to see T-Boy.  His eyes were full
of some kind of sensitivity all of a sudden like he was trying to
understand exactly what I was saying

     "Um so we are still together right?"  T-Boy asked, "That break up was
just a joke right?"

     He'd change the subject back to the relationship again.  What the fuck
was wrong with him!  Did everyone think Sampson trying to kill himself was
a joke of some sort?  His mind was completely in the gutter!

     "I was serious," I said.

     He looked gloomy and traumatized when I said it, but that kind of made
me feel good.  He kept looking at me like I was going to change my mind and
I kept looking at him wondering how I could be dumping someone that looked
so fucking sexy.  He definitely was sexy.  I must have been dense but he
was just getting on my nerves more and more lately. He had on these puppy
dog eyes and his hurt expression made me want to forgive him.  I didn't
though.  I just stared

     The doctor had come out at the time and we all knew what it meant.
Well, Shane was still outside moving his car.  I knew what it meant at
least because T-Boy didn't care and Byron wasn't paying attention.

     It meant Sampson wanted to see us.

     "The patient says its ok to have a couple of people come inside and
visit him," the doctor said and explained, "So you all can go on in."

     "Byron " I alerted, calling him to stop flirting and realize Sampson
was ready.

     "Oh.  Great, Sampson's ready to see us."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


     Sampson was ready to see us.  Sampson was on the bed when we walked
in.
  Byron and T-Boy went first and I sort of followed behind.  I felt pissed
off at myself for being so stupid this entire time.  I had closed my eyes
to the fact that it couldn't have been Sampson who treated me so terribly.

     "Sampson!"

     Byron ran over to the bed.  He had to be the fucking first one.  I
looked at him, affirming how truly counterfeit he was.  He had gone from
flirting with the guy outside, to being back to his exceedingly deep crush
on Sampson.  Suddenly, it was like Sampson meant the world to him.

     "Hey, ouch you're squeezing my sides," Sampson complained as Byron
gave him this great big hug.

     T-Boy and I didn't hug Sampson.  We didn't even touch him.  We just
stood off a little and waved.  I guess I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Half of me wondered if he would even want my hug and the other half
wondered if I deserved to be hugging Sampson.  I felt so wrong.  I hadn't
realized how much Sampson meant to me

     Byron seemed to be sharing my sudden epiphany as well, only he said
his words out loud.

     "I I care about you so much," Byron confessed, suddenly surprising
everyone, "I realized it from the moment that I met you.  When I heard you
were hurt, it broke me.  Sampson, I'm so sorry this happened."

     I couldn't' believe Byron was acting so superficial.  I had told him
to go see what was out there, but I didn't mean to come onto someone that
much and I definitely didn't mean for him to do it to Sampson.  The fact
that he was saying how much he cared about Sampson, but a minute ago he was
macking to some straight guy in the waiting room just proved Byron's
confession was a little backwards.

     Sampson seemed to like it though as he smiled genuinely, "Thank you
Byron."

     "Eh-ehm " I gestured, walking forward, "I brought you some flowers."

     "Syn aw I don't know what to say."

     It was gay.  I felt like I was on some Disney movie, but I couldn't
help it.  He smiled as I handed him the bouquet of flowers.  It was a
stupid idea.  He seemed really open to it though.  They probably pumped him
with gas for him to be so happy about getting flowers even though I had
just made his life a living hell.

     "Yeah well, they were on sale at the gift shop," I excused, trying to
make the gift not weigh too much, even though I had bought it for quite a
lot.

     "Ha," he said laughing and then turned to T-Boy, "Hey, Tommy. What's
up?"

     Tommy shrugged, "Nothing.  How are you?"

     They sounded so awkward.  I could still tell there was a lot of
tension between them.  I was glad that I finally found out what the tension
was about.  T-Boy blamed Sampson for Holden's death and I knew somehow
Sampson found a reason to blame T-Boy.  Truth was Holden wasn't dead! Soon
as they found it out the better.

     "Cool," Sampson replied and looked at Byron, "Did you tell them I
tried to kill myself?"

     Byron hesitated, "Um no."

     He had told me that Sampson had tried to kill himself.  That was the
first thing he had said when he came into the hospital.  I knew he was just
trying to deny it because I guess he figured Sampson would be mad at him.
I didn't see why he would be mad though.  If he tried to kill himself, then
someone needed to report it.

     I rolled my eyes, "Yeah he did. I want to apologize for that though.
It was my fault. I know why you tried.  I messed up your life.  I shouldn't
have "

     Sampson laughed, "Syn let me a "

     "Wait," I interrupted, "I completely was out of line.  I had mistaken
you for someone else.  It was my stupidity.  I had gotten close to you and
when I felt you betrayed me, I was just so mad.  I wanted to get even."

     "Um "

     "I'll hate myself forever if you can't forgive me.  I'll spend a
lifetime trying to make it up to you.  I swear!  I'll do anything."

     I finished and it felt like I had gotten a complete heavy ass boulder
off my chest.  I had been thinking about a way to set things right.  I had
been the reason that Sampson had tried to kill himself.  That was serious.
I was wrong and that had caused him to almost take his life.  I wasn't
being evil though I thought I was protecting myself, but he saw me as being
evil.  That was what hurt the most.

     "Damn," Sampson said letting out a smile, "You making me wish that I
had actually tried to kill myself."

     "You mean you didn't try to kill yourself?"

     "No it was an accident.  Someone switched up my pills on me.  I
stupidly took some expired prescription pills and I thought I was taking
Vitamin C."

     I didn't hear him right the first time that he said it.

I asked him slowly, "Wait you really really didn't try to kill yourself?"

He shook his head, "No, you weren't that mean.  Ha."

     I gave him a look and then gave Byron and T-Boy a quick glance.  I had
just embarrassed myself to the greatest point.  I had just got another guy
flowers and then basically offered to be his human slave for the rest of
his life because of how guilty I felt.  THIS CORNBALL DIDN'T EVEN STOP ME!

     "Wow," I said.  It was the only word that came to my mouth.

     "You can still spend a lifetime making it up to me though," Sampson
said laughing.

     I laughed too.  It wasn't funny, but I just felt completely relieved.
I felt like there was nothing to make me feel bad.  I didn't have to be
sensitive.  No one had tried to kill themselves on my account.  I could go
back to being normal Syn.

     "I'll pass," I replied, "But I will apologize.  Even though you didn't
try to kill yourself because of me, I still acted like a jackass. This
taught me a lesson."

     "Yeah, what was that all about anyway?" Sampson asked, looking like
he'd been giving it some thought.

     "I saw Holden.  I thought he was you," I said.

     "Um there ARE two other people in the room," Byron rudely interrupted,
gesturing to T-Boy and himself, "So any way, Sampson "

     "Byron shut up," T-Boy stopped him and then told me, "Syn, why'd you
bring that up.  I told you that Holden is dead."

     Sampson was just staring out.  He looked a little nervous and a little
worried.  He looked like his past had just come back and spread light on a
whole situation.  Sampson looked sad almost. I would think he'd still be
sad though.  The death of a brother was a serious thing, but twins had a
special connection.

     "Syn, you know about Holden?"  Sampson asked me.

     "I know he's your twin brother," I noted and folded my arms a little
selfishly, "Also, I know he used to be with T-Boy."

     "I would of told you," Sampson quickly said, not even asking how I
found out, "Holden's memory really brings back a lot of tension though.  I
didn't want to mess up your relationship with Tommy."

     "Its cool," I replied and looked at T-Boy, "We broke up."

     The room went silent.  T-Boy was looking at me in my eyes with this
kind of unspoken regret.  The regret was from both our sides.  I regretted
that we didn't work out and I guess he regretted it too.  I just regretted
that we made such a nice-looking couple but I couldn't get past my
irritation with his habits.

T-Boy was lazy and that was my biggest concern but it was also how he
seemed to second-guess our relationship constantly.  Now that we'd broken
up, all I could think about were ways to make it better.  I wondered if it
was too late.  Sampson and Bryon seemed to be over exaggerating with their
reactions.

     "Damn," Byron muttered.

     "I'm sorry to hear that," Sampson said, with this half-assed frown.

     It was such a weird event that everyone was quiet for a couple
minutes.
  It seemed weirder to them that I had broken up with T-Boy then the fact
that Sampson was sitting in the hospital.  I couldn't believe that the
reflecting silence that I'd expected for Sampson's situation was now being
used for my breakup.

     I smiled, "Um life goes on, people.  Can we get back to me seeing
Holden?"

     "Oh, yeah," Sampson retorted, shaking out of his trance, "Well,
Holden's dead."

     "I told him that," T-Boy explained immediately, "I told him how it
happened too.  I told him how you tricked me into having sex with you "

T-Boy's expression had changed and he looked like he was just pissed.  I
wondered if he was taking out his resentment for our breakup on Sampson.
It seemed like it.  It kind of appalled me to see him yelling at someone in
a sick bed, but then again I wanted to hear about the past further.  I had
heard T-Boy's side about what happened and I definitely knew if I opened my
ears and didn't interfere, Sampson would let me know his point.

     "I did not fucking trick you!"  Sampson said, hitting the bedpost,
"You came in my room!  You showed up naked, at that!"

     "I came to your bedroom only after you pretended to be Holden," T-Boy
argued, "You came to my room and told me to meet you in your bedroom."

     "You make no sense."

     "How is that?"

     "If I was pretending to be Holden," Sampson concluded, "Then why would
I say to come to my room instead of Holden's room?"

     Sampson was kind of right.  T-Boy just stared at him though, probably
seeing the logic.  He looked completely confused though.  I didn't get it.
Either someone was lying or someone had left out a big piece of
information. I couldn't believe that the two of them were still blaming one
another over the death of a guy who was still alive!  If they'd only
listened to me then they wouldn't be in this mess.

     "Tommy, Sampson's right," Byron butted in, "That is suspicious."

     "Byron shut up," T-Boy said in an irritated tone, "Stop sucking up to
him.  You weren't there.  How would you know what was suspicious?  I don't
know why Sampson met me in Holden's room.  All I know is that I thought
Sampson was Holden."

     "You cheated on him," Sampson said, "At least I can take some
responsibility for falling to lust and curiosity.  You just tried to deny
it to Holden.  Holden wasn't upset about the infidelity.  He was upset
because you didn't admit it.  That was why he ran off!"

     So that was the reason why Sampson figured T-Boy was to blame about
Holden dying.

     I smiled, "Well you guys can stop blaming one another.  Holden's
alive."

     They both just stared at me.  It was a friendly stare either.  It was
a half annoyed and half pissed off stare.  I felt out of place talking
about Holden since I really didn't know him.  Byron didn't know him either,
but Byron was just making comments to let Sampson know that he was on his
side.  Byron was still trying to get with Sampson despite all of this
talking.

     Sampson and T-Boy both yelled in unison, "Holden is dead!"

     "I fucking saw him," I said, "Sampson you weren't at the dinner party
for Alpha Phi Alpha were you?"

     "No, but a lot of people look alike Syn "

     "He was identical to you!" I replied, sounding a little mad.

     "You sure?" Sampson asked.

     "Positive," I replied.

     He looked kind of worried.  He had this heavy expression that caused
his eyebrows to arch over in deep thought.  His mouth parted a little bit.
I wondered what he was thinking about.  Whatever it was had caused him to
go completely silent.  I had never seen Sampson so concentrated as he was
in this hospital.

     "You can't be believing him," T-Boy said, talking about me like I was
a fucking lunatic, "Holden is dead."

     "Holden was burned right?" I asked, thinking about it, "His body was
burned too.  You probably got the wrong person."

     "No no Tommy's right," Sampson explained, "Holden's dead.  I "

     He looked like he was about to say something.  He sounded like it was
something that would be really important.  He looked so serious.  He looked
different.  He looked as though he was completely sure about what he had
just said.  It made me kind of concerned how serious he was about what he
said.

     "Sampson, what is it?"  Byron asked.

     Byron would notice if Sampson was different about Sampson suddenly
because he was staring at him the hardest.  I looked over at T-Boy.  He had
the same look of "Holden is dead" on his face, but Sampson's face had
completely gone past that.  Sampson looked like he had other thoughts.
Maybe he thought that Holden really wasn't dead.  Maybe he knew something
that was making him rethink it

     "What is it Sampson?" I pushed, wanting to pull his uncertainty to the
foreground.

     "I can't believe this," T-Boy said and sat down in a chair, heavily
like he was getting off some weight. T- Boy looked like he believed that
Sampson was having second thoughts as well.

     I pleaded, "Sampson what's on your mind?"

     "Listen, he's dead ok!"  Sampson suddenly shouted loudly, "Syn this
one has nothing to do with you.  I want you to just drop it!"

     He shut me up immediately.  Sampson sounded really aggressive.  He
sounded really serious and yet his tone was thought-provoking.  My mouth
was open with surprise that he had gotten loud with me.  T-Boy and Shane
were a little surprised too.  Sampson had never really gotten loud with
anyone but T-Boy.  It was weird.  The awkwardness set in for a little while
everyone avoided eye contact.

     We all stopped for a moment.

     "Um I guess I'm out of place," I apologized.

     I guess I was realizing that I should just stop trying to figure out
everything that happened when I wasn't around.  Maybe it wasn't my place.

     "Thanks, Syn," Sampson said, his voice getting a little lower.

     I stared at the door, "Um I should go check on Yolanda."

     I left right after that.  T-Boy followed behind me and Byron stayed
behind to keep Sampson's company.  As we walked T-Boy kept bringing up our
relationship.

     I told him that it was over.  It had to be over.  I had so much on my
mind.  I felt a little overwhelmed.  I was thinking about Sampson.  I kept
thinking about how sad I was when I thought he had killed himself on my
account.  I had felt like shit.  I had felt like I needed Sampson

     It was a weird feeling.  I just shook it off, but I knew that I needed
space with T-Boy.  I was kind of upset with the fact that there was someone
before T-Boy.  I was concerned about Holden and why Sampson reacted the way
he did when I said that Holden wasn't dead.  He was so sure that Holden was
really dead but he still had a look on his face that said he was
questioning his own decisions.

     What was wrong with these people!  Holden was alive! They were the
loudest words ever ignored.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~

     Yolanda came home but she still acted weird.  She stayed locked up in
her room and spent over an hour in the bathroom washing her hands.  The
weird traits that she own were making me uneasy.  She wasn't as afraid to
go outside.  Byron took her outside, but he called saying that she had just
had a panic attack on the street thinking that Mercedes was spying on her
from the bushes. I ignored most of it though.  I felt pissed off when she
suddenly said she wanted to go to school.  I didn't want to be responsible
for her.

     It was Monday.  I didn't want to go to school and I definitely didn't
want to be responsible for Yolanda.  T- Boy and I had worked it out that he
would walk her from class to class the first four periods and I would do it
the last four.  I was using the first four periods of freedom to full
advantage.

     "Hey, Medusa, come here for a moment?"

     It was lunch hour and since seniors could leave for lunch if they
chose, I saw Medusa about to walk out to Burger King with a bunch of these
lesbian girls.

     "Hey, Syn, what's up?"

     "Um I was kind of wondering something," I said and gave a sad face,
"Sampson is coming back to school tomorrow and I was wondering if you can
spread some news for me?"

     "What kind of news?"

     "I just wanted everyone to know me and Sampson are cool now," I
explained.

     She nodded and gave me a warm smile.  I knew she was definitely one of
the main gossipers in the school.  The news that Sampson and I were cool
would basically put him back on the popular list.  I definitely had a lot
of making up to do for Sampson.  I mean it was Sampson.

     I just kept thinking about Sampson.  I kept thinking about how mean I
was.  I know I wasn't 'THAT' mean, considering I wasn't the cause of him
being hospitalized.  Still, I felt terrible for not trusting him.  The
whole Holden thing was making me mad.  I didn't blame Holden really.  I
would be mad as hell if a stranger acted like he knew who I was too.  I
would probably curse his ass out and try to fight him too.

     "What's on your mind?"  Shane asked.

     We were outside of a diner that was across the street eating a few
burgers.  There were a couple tables everywhere and most of the kids around
the tables were popular or rich or both.

     I wondered if he could tell. "Why would something be wrong?"

     It was hard to hide stuff from Shane.  He knew me so well.  He was
good at understanding people and it wasn't really that I didn't want to
tell him.  I wanted to tell Shane, but I wasn't sure exactly what to tell
him.  I was just thinking and thinking.

     "You aren't eating."

     He was right. I always ate.  The fact that I wasn't eating was really
suspicious.  I hadn't touched my burger.  It was just there and I was just
playing with my cap while trying to avoid eye contact with Erica.

     "Well, you know I'm not with T-Boy anymore, right?"

     "Of course "

     That was a stupid question.  The entire school knew that I wasn't with
T-Boy anymore.  Erica was probably the first person to know.  Now that
Trash was gone, everyone figured that she was probably the most popular
girl.  I walked in school to find out that she dumped her boyfriend as
well.  It made me wonder but then I saw Erica.  She was dressed in this
EXTRA short skirt and she went out of way to let me know that she didn't
have any panties on.  Erica was sexy but I wasn't interested.  She was
fake.  I knew she only wanted to be with me because I was the most eligible
bachelor.  Of course, they told Erica to change out of her short skirt or
go home, but she just switched to another sexy outfit.  She was staring at
me even now

     "Well, it seemed like as soon as I left T-Boy," I explained, "I
started recognizing Sampson even more?"

     "Why? You want to be with Sampson?"

     "Shh!" I warned, noticing Erica's stare.

     I hit my hands on the table in frustration with how right he was.  It
was hard because I wasn't really sure.  I wondered if I spoke too early.  I
mean, it wouldn't be that crazy if I liked Sampson.  I was attracted to him
before I started dating T-Boy.  It wouldn't be that weird if I was
attracted to him afterwards as well.

     Shane was laughing, "You are funny."

     "How?"

     "You know that Sampson is crazy for you," Shane explained, "I mean,
you basically ignored the whole 'note' thing.  You played hard to get then
"

     I rolled my eyes.  I did kind of play hard to get, but still.  Sampson
said he wanted to be friends.  He told me he liked me but he also told me
he just wanted to be friends.  What was that about?  If you wanted to be
with someone, why would you say you wanted to be friends?  If he really
liked me, why didn't he try to steal me from T- Boy?  He just accepted the
fact that I was with T-Boy instead of him.

     "I'm not even sure if I want to be with him," I retorted, pulling my
cap over my eyes to divert Erica's stares.

     "It's going to look crazy if you did."

     "How?"

     Shane leaned over, as though finally wanting to be discreet, "There
are about 5 gay guys in the school.  I know its not a lot of choice, but if
you go out with T-Boy's brother "

     "His adopted brother," I corrected.

     Shane laughed, "You think 'They' Care?"

     He was right.  'They' included all the people who were in my business.
They'd find some way to get some scandal out of it.  They already knew that
now that I wasn't with T-Boy, I had to either go out with Erica or stay
single.  I looked over at Erica.  I remembered the time that Trash beat her
up.  She was a completely different person then.  She was more down to
earth then.  Now Erica had become like everyone else. She was extremely
popular now that Trash was gone. She was also extremely cocky and spoiled.

     I realized that I was dreaming and just said, "Still.  I can't help
the way I feel.  I keep thinking about his smile.  I keep thinking about "

     Shane laughed again, "Ew, I get the point.  Have you thought about
Tommy?"

     "Yeah," I admitted, "I miss him, but that we started to argue way too
much.  He started to find out how to win the arguments Shane are you
listening?"

     Shane wasn't even concerned.  I remembered the time T-Boy had walked
out during sex.  T-Boy and I were definitely getting to know each other a
little too well.  He started to know my weaknesses and he started to
exploit them.  It was smart on his part, but for me it was just completely
messed up.

     "Yeah but look, haha, Tommy's an ass. He's funny but he's an ass."

     I turned around to see exactly what Shane was talking about.  I
realized a group of about four or five boys that were across the street.
They were standing right outside the school.  T-Boy and Big Rob were among
them.  Then I noticed someone really familiar.  It was the boy with the
nice eyes who always got nervous.  It looked like they were messing with
him.

     "What's that kid's name again?" I asked, looking across the street.

     "God Syn," Shane laughed, "His name is Lamont and that is the last
time I'm telling you.  Your memory is always so shot."

     I rolled my eyes at Shane and looked over at Lamont.  I wasn't exactly
sure what they were saying to him, but it was clear that they were
terrorizing him.  Lamont had his fist balled up and he looked like he was
about to swing at one of them.  I kept wondering about T-Boy.  Why would he
pick on someone knowing that he was gay and that gay people got picked on
all the time around the world?

     "Lamont looks like he's about to knock the shit out of one of them," I
noticed.

     Shane was laughing heavily and sighed at the thought, "Yeah right.  He
wants to, but they'll jump his ass in a second."

     That was the other thing about the school.  It wasn't that the
unpopular kids were scared to stand up for themselves, but the popular kids
traveled in packs.  The unpopular kid didn't have a lot of friends and if
he really stood up for himself, he'd just get jumped.

     "Shane, grow up man."

     "What?"

     I got up off the table because Shane was laughing so hard.  He wasn't
the only one.  It seemed like a lot of other people were finding this shit
kind of funny too.  I didn't get it.  What was so funny about someone
getting provoked?  Did it make them feel better about themselves to see a
guy being put down?

     I crossed the street, getting honked at.  I stuck my middle finger at
the guy in the car and kept walking across the street.  I walked slowly
because I wanted T-Boy's clique to back off before I got there.  They
didn't back off, probably because they were having so much fun making
Lamont mad.

     That was when I realized Lamont's right hand was shaking.  It had a
tighter grip.  I jumped in the way just as Lamont was swinging to hit Big
Rob.

     "Whoa!  Slow your roll, man," I said, grabbing his arm in midair

     Lamont looked heated.  It was kind of funny because his angry
expression looked like a bull.  He was breathing heavily and he was shaking
with resentment.  I clutched his fist and pushed him back away from Big Rob
and the rest of them a little.  It was hard to do because Lamont was
definitely strong.

     "Let him go, Syn," Big Rob commanded.

     I turned around, while still clutching to Lamont, "You guys are
fucking asses.  All of you."

     I looked at T-Boy as I said 'all'.  T-Boy loved to act hard. He got
off putting on that front for everyone to see.  Meanwhile, he had been
begging me to go back out with him and said some sensitive things along the
way.  Now he tough-looking trying to prove that he was just as much of a
man as the rest of his pig-headed crew.

     "Asses?" Big Rob laughed, "Tommy, you better check your boy "

     "Or what?" I asked, "You guys aren't going to jump Lamont.  I'm here
now.  It's not five on one.  Its five on two."

     I would have been all in Big Rob's face, but I was still holding
Lamont back.  Big Rob was a retard.  Out of all of the popular kids, he was
the only ugly one.  My ass looked 20X better then his face.  He made up for
his ugliness with trying to beat up every good-lucking guy that wasn't
popular.  I knew it was the only reason that Big Rob was really beefing
with Lamont.  He would make different excuses, but it was just jealousy.

     "Syn calm down," T-Boy said, "We weren't really going to jump him.  We
were just joking with him."

     "He's not laughing!" I retorted, "Besides aren't you supposed to be
watching Yolanda?"

     A security guard had come out of the building and noticing the raised
voices.  He eyed us and I noticed that T-Boy, Big Rob and their nameless
followers were getting uneasy.

     "Lets go," T-Boy directed.

     They left, each of them giving Lamont an evil stare.  I imagined being
Lamont.  He looked embarrassed and nervous.  I probably just had too much
pride, but I would have been trying to hit them just like Lamont wanted to.
I probably wouldn't have waited as long as Lamont did to hit them either.

     "I could have handled it!" Lamont hissed, pulling his arm away from me
and looking pissed.

     He was piling up some books. I would have helped him, but I didn't
like the attitude that he was giving off at the moment.  The conflict most
likely occurred because one of the boys had made Lamont drop the books out
of his backpack.  Lamont had that huge nerd backpack too that made me pity
him.
  It was an ugly pack.

     "Yeah you would have got jumped too," I said and then added, "But I
don't need a thank you.  I see you are in your whole 'macho' mood right
now."

     He got hit with the fact that he really got an attitude with me and
that I had just stuck up with him.  He lifted his head up as long as his
books and just sort of stared at me with this appreciative look.

     "I'm sorry. I'm just pissed at them always messing with me all the
time," he grumbled, "For no reason."

     He sat down on the stairs of the school.  Lamont's hands were still
shaking with anger.  I sat next to him.  I could understand how pissed he
was.

     "Yeah. I know what you mean."

     "How can you know what I mean?"  Lamont asked, a little
apprehensively, "Why are you even being so nice to me, anyway?"

     "I can't be nice?"

     "Well you don't really want to be my friend," Lamont explained, "You
didn't call me.  I waited all weekend "

     "You did?" I asked, a little surprised, "A lot came up this weekend.
My friend was in the hospital."

     It was the truth plus, I forgot he gave me his number.

     "I'm sorry," he apologized and then paused, "I was sort of wishing we
could be friends."

     He definitely took the little conversation that I'd had with him at
lunchtime to heart.  I mean, I did initiate the whole conversation and I
did want to be friends, but he seemed to desire it just a little too hard.
It was cute though and the fact that I could make someone feel good with
just my presence made me feel good.

     "Why can't we?"

     "You know why "

     I shook my head at him, "No I don't."

     "Look at you," Lamont noted passionately, "Look who you hang out with.
You are best friends with Shane, who is going to get into the NBA.  Erica
has a crush on you and she has already been in two major movies.  "

     "You know about Erica's crush too?" I asked.  Damn it was that
obvious.

     Lamont continued, "Yeah.  Then there's the fact you are like the best
looking guy in the school and even straight kids idolized your relationship
with Tommy."

     I whistled to get his attention, "Ok, ok, enough with the
compliments."

     It wasn't that they were getting annoying, but it was just that half
the stuff he was saying was making me uncomfortable.  I wasn't the best
looking guy in the school.  I was decent and could probably turn a few
heads, but without my popularity no one would have thought that.  People
idolizing T-Boy and I was crazy.  T-Boy and I were broken up which proved
we weren't an ideal couple.

     "Sorry " Lamont said.

     He apologized a lot.  It reminded me of Sampson when I first met him.

     "Its ok," I said and then raised my eyes, "Listen.  Everything is
superficial.  You should just care about yourself.  Fuck what everyone else
is doing."

     He shook his head, "Easy for you to say."

     "Yeah it is," I agreed, "Because I worry about number 1 everyday.  I
think about what is good about me.  Why don't you stop worrying about all
the things good about the popular kids and think about you?"

     Lamont laughed, "You sound like my great-grandmother.  She told me
that if love is blind, then you can't see everything else."

     His laugh was full and it seemed like he had forgotten all about Big
Rob and T-Boy.

     "Well yeah," I smiled, "She's on the right track.  Love yourself.  Its
nice to see you laughing "

     Lamont turned to me, "You aren't like them "

     "You didn't notice that yet?"

     "Well no," Lamont explained, "I kind of hoped it when you talked to me
in the cafeteria.  You are a cool person, but it seems like you are more
like me then like them "

     He was still giving me compliments.  I smiled and said, "Yeah.
Thanks."

     "The kids in Brunswick seem so "

     " Artificial?" I finished for him.

     "Right!"  Lamont exclaimed, laughing hard like he was choking, "You
and I think so much alike."

     He was right.  It was good to think that Lamont and I thought alike.
We weren't alike though.  I knew that.  We were something like opposites.
He and I thought about the same things, but we reacted differently.  He was
very passive and I was very well non-passive.

     "I'm just me," I said.  It was the only thing that I could say.

     "Yeah.  It seems like you are one of those people who knows what they
want."

     I wanted Sampson.  It was hard even admitting it to myself.  Even now,
I just kept thinking about Sampson's stare and about the way Sampson had
always been so nice when I first met him.  I thought about how Sampson
envied the relationship that I had with T-Boy.  I recalled the notes
Sampson wrote.  I recalled the poems.

     "I don't know.  Lamont, can I ask you something?"

     Lamont nodded, "You stuck up for me earlier, so you can ask me
anything."

     "Well," I explained, "If you want to do something, but you know that
it is morally wrong to do it and that people may not like you for it.  It's
nothing illegal, but still wrong.  Yet, even though its wrong, you know
that it would make you happy.  Would you do it?"

     I was talking about pursing Sampson.  T-Boy would be pissed off.  The
entire school would be in a riot that I'd had turned my back on T-Boy.

     Lamont smiled as though reading my mind, "Take your own advice.  Worry
about yourself first "

     "You're right."

     He was.  I needed a basic stranger to tell me that I was acting really
stupid for not pursing Sampson.  T-Boy would be pissed.  It was kind of
soon for me to be moving on but still.  The feeling that I had was crazy.

     I had been so upset at myself for thinking I'd been the cause of
hurting Sampson.  I'd never felt so bad about myself before.  Sampson had
made me feel that way.  He had made me feel emotion.  I just had to know if
Sampson was really the person that I was supposed to end up with instead of
T-Boy after that three-way.

     Sampson Sampson Sampson

     "Syn snap out of it, " Lamont's voice said.

     "Oh, what were you saying?"

     "I was asking how it was when you told everyone you were gay."

     "Um. It was easy," I said my mind somewhere else, "Just said, 'I'm
gay'.  Told them to deal with it.  Oh shit, man.  I got to go.  I'll see
you later."

     "Yeah ok. Hopefully ah maybe, we can talk again sometime?"

     "Ok. Bye."

     I got up and went to catch the cab that had just dropped a woman off.
I heard the security calling at me, wondering where I was going.  We
weren't allowed to take vehicles during lunch, plus lunch was basically
over with and everyone was being rushed out.

      I was cutting the rest of school day.  I jumped in the cab and told
them Sampson's address.  I had to talk to him.  I didn't know what I was
going to say, but I knew I had to say something to him.  I just had this
rush.  It felt real weird, like probably how the guys got in the shitty
romantic movies.  I think it was called an epiphany.  Regardless of what
the fucking emotion was called, I got it and I was rushing to go see
Sampson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


     As I got to Sampson's house, I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to
say.  I just knew that I had to make it sound good.  The cab driver didn't
help my thinking process either because he kept speeding on bumps.  I
cursed loudly, letting him know that I wasn't enjoying it.  When we got to
Ms.  Nicole's house, the cab driver slowed down almost to a slow stop.  I
thought of ditching him, but just paid because I saw Ms. Nicole standing
outside.  She was sweeping the front.

     "If it isn't the walking Get-Rich-Quick Scheme?" I asked aloud,
watching her.

     Surprisingly Ms. Nicole didn't look pissed to see me.  In fact she
looked a little happy.  She put down her gloves and broom in this weird
manner and came to me.  She was touching me on my shoulder, guiding me to
the house.

     "Syn, you never come to visit!" she said, putting on the fakest smile
I ever seen.

     The nerve of this bitch!

     "Visit?  You told me to get the fuck out remember?" I recalled.

     "Did I?"  Ms. Nicole asked, looking surprised, "If I did, then you
know it must have been out of complete anger."

     I shrugged as we walked into the house.  It was the same way that it
was before.  When I was there, she was making all kinds of nice repairs.  I
guess the money had run out and now Ms.  Nicole was desperate.  Still, I
wondered what her desperateness had to do with me.  I damn sure was not
rich.

     "Well, I came to see Sampson," I said.

     "He's upstairs," she said, "Fresh from the hospital.  Can I talk to
you for a moment though?  Its kind of important."

     I didn't want to talk about her.  Ms. Nicole still had that deceit and
callous written all over her.  I doubted she even went to the hospital to
visit Sampson.  Sampson was still the innocent idealist though.  Everything
was romanticized to look good in his eyes, including his evil mother.
Sampson was too much of a good person to be dealing with this bitch.

     "I don't want to talk to you," I clearly stated, "You just smell like
greed."

     "Oh, this will interest you," Ms. Nicole explained, "Its about Sampson
kind of."

     "How?" I asked, wanting to give a listen if it had to do with Sampson.

     "Listen," she whispered in a sneaky way, "Well the lady who I adopted
Sampson from used to be dirt poor but now she is rich.  She is rich like
.million rich!  She wants to reclaim Sampson."

     It always had to do with money with Ms. Nicole.  I didn't get it.  She
wasn't in that deep of a need for money.  She wasn't that poor.  However,
Ms. Nicole seemed like she would commit murder for money.  When she spoke
of it, there was this glitter in her eye that was just weird.  It was
pathetic and disturbing at the same time.

     "Millions?" I asked, then thought for a moment, "Holden "

     "You know then," Ms. Nicole said, "Holden is Sampson's brother. Holden
died or at least we thought he did.  He didn't though.  He survived, got a
million dollars and shared it with his real mother."

     Jesus.  That was a crazy thing to do.  You give your son up for
adoption and then he returns to make you a millionaire.  Some people had
all the luck

     "Good for her.  Sampson says Holden is dead though "

     "Well Becky saw Holden in the newspaper," Ms. Nicole explained, giving
me the scoop.

     "Oh WOW, Becky!" I said, laughing at her ignorance, "Get to your
point."

     "His mother sent me a check.  She said if I can get her son to come to
least visit her, then I'd get the other half.  I guess she wants to make
amends."

     "Ok! What does it have to do with me?"

     She was pissing me off.  All this stuff had to do with Sampson and I
did care about what was going on in Sampson's little life, but why was
'she' telling me?  It did make me sick how everything seemed to have an
amount written on it for Ms. Nicole.

     "Sampson doesn't know his mother contacted me," Ms. Nicole explained,
"She wants it to be a secret.  I want you to fool Sampson into visiting
her."

She was just too deceitful.  Her adopted son just had his real mother
contacting her and she didn't even tell him.  That was just shady.

"Why should I help you?"

"I saw the way you two are," Ms. Nicole said, "Sampson's a homosexual.  I
know it.  With Tommy, you surprised me, but I knew Sampson was.  I saw how
your homosexual tendencies were all mixed with Sampson's."

     Straight people talked so crazy.  I could tell Ms. Nicole probably had
little or no knowledge of gay people.

     "What?" I asked, completely lost with what she said.

     "You like him," she simply rephrased, "I don't know if its
homosexual-like but I know you like him.  You want him to know his real
mother don't you?"

     "Why me though?"

"He likes you too," Ms. Nicole said, "When you left, he spent a month
talking about you."

"Ok, ok," I explained, "So how will I get him there?"

"I'll schedule a ski trip for the two of you this weekend," Ms. Nicole
said, "Ask him out on some kind of homosexual date.  Sampson's real mother
lives up in the mountains.  I'll give you an address."

"Ok fine. Oh and I'm getting some of that money right?"

She grimaced, "Yeah ok."

I really didn't care about the money.  I was doing this only to get Sampson
to meet his real mother after so long and the chance to spend some time
with Sampson didn't seem too bad.  I had asked for the money just to make
Ms. Nicole pissed.  She looked like she was pissed when she agreed to give
up some money.  It was all really worth it.

Ms. Nicole said that Sampson was upstairs.  She said that people had been
in and out all day trying to wish him better health.  She said that he was
basically healed though.  I hoped he was healed because I definitely
planned on talking about some stuff to him.

I had it all planned out.  I would tell him that I would want to be with
him and the first act of our relationship was to go on that ski trip that
Ms. Nicole scheduled.  We would go see his mother on Friday and then spend
the rest of the weekend skiing and having a lot of fun.

I knocked on his room door.

Sampson came out and closed the door behind him.  He looked surprised.  His
shirt was off and he had shorts that were barely pulled up.  It exposed his
v-shaped waistline.  He had a small magic trail of hair that rose
underneath his navel. He looked sexy as hell.  I could smell the Tag Body
Spray aroma.  He looked as though he had completely gotten over the whole
pill situation.  His abs and chest were cut like he was working out.  He
looked rippled and sweaty.  He must have been really hitting them weights
because he even looked a little tired.

"Syn?"

"Um.  I wanted to give you this "

At first I was just going to hug him, but I realized I wanted to do more.
I put my arm on his sweaty chest as I leaned forward.  I could smell the
sweat that was in the air.  It smelled so good.  I pushed my lips up
against his.  It was a passionate kiss.  I had tried to tongue him, but I
guess he didn't catch on.

As I pulled back, I realized that my face had the biggest smile on it.  I
smiled at him but he wasn't smiling back.  He looked a little sad and
confused.  That was when I smelled another aroma besides sweat and Tag Body
Spray.  I realized that there was also a smell of sex

"Syn," Sampson started and just paused for a moment while turning the
doorknob "You should know something."

He opened the door completely and I saw Byron lying on Sampson's bed.
Byron was covered in sheets and he seemed surprised to see me.  I knew he
was naked underneath those sheets.

Byron looked a little uncomfortable as he said, "Oh Hey Syn."

I just stared at Byron.  He was definitely naked and he was definitely on
Sampson's bed.  Byron was sweating just as much as Sampson was.

I couldn't help asking, "What?  You two having sex now?"

Sampson explained, as though feeling my inner questions, "Well, Byron and I
are kind of a couple now."