Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 09:17:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: priapus <feckon@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Story of Love Part 3

The following is a combination of fact and fiction based on events as I
remember them. Names and locations have been altered for the purposes of
anonymity and to protect the guilty. The story contains sexual scenes
between consenting adult Males. If material of this nature offends you,
you're under 18, or a religious moralist you likes to be censored from the
realities of life and the diversities of the human condition, you should
not read this story. You can pray for my soul instead.

The story of Us. Part 3.

A blood-orange sun hung large and pendent over the horizon, shimmering in
the warm evening air. It languished briefly above the skyline before
descending to greet the Ocean and gradually dissolved into its watery
grave. Its final death throes, threw fourth a burst of life, a kaleidoscope
of colour that spread out across the bay to illuminate the coastline in
soft hues of orange, red and pale yellow.

I stood watching this awesome display of natural beauty from the balcony of
John's apartment. I was dressed in his over-sized toweling robe. It hung
open and loose on my compact frame, exposing my lower legs and part of my
upper body to the rapidly cooling air. With one hand I griped the handrail
of the balcony, gripped it so tightly it turned my knuckles white. My other
hand clutched the neck of a whisky bottle, the amber liquid swirled and
danced in the fading light, changing from amber to fiery red each time I
brought it to my cracked lips. Hot silent tears stung my eyes as I watched
the last rays of a dying sun illuminate the few stragglers making their way
along the beach towards hotels and apartments or to the bars and
restaurants that lined the waterfront.

Taking a deep breath, I staggered away from the handrail and turned, with
feeling of dread, to the now darkening apartment. I paused on the threshold
to regain my balance and to place the whisky bottle on a small table before
making my way into the fetid rooms beyond. I stumbled towards the bedroom,
pausing again to take another deep breath before pushing the door open with
my foot, it swung silently on its hinges and stopped, with a soft thud,
when it hit the bedroom wall. I switched on the light.

John was still there, lying naked and exposed on the bed. His lifeless blue
eyes stared accusingly as I walked around him to retrieve the revolver that
lay on the bedside table. I tried to keep my eyes on the gun but they
seemed to take on a life of their own, traversing the length of the body,
from its pallid face, bloated stomach, right down to the shriveled penis
and the vast thatch of unkempt pubic hair. A small trickle of blood had run
from the nose to mix and solidify with the pure white powder on the upper
lip. I watched with a mixture of awe and revulsion, as a Bluebottle, big,
black and buzzing, landed on his cheek before entering the gaping mouth.

Fighting a violent urge to vomit, I raced back to the balcony to take in
large gulps of warm insipid air. I felt nauseous, frantic and utterly
alone. Snatching up the whisky bottle, I choked back the last dregs of
fiery liquid and in one swift motion cast the empty bottle over the parapet
were it flew to shatter like gun-fire on the concrete far below. There was
a distant scream as people leapt in confusion, but I was oblivious to their
excitement, for as soon as the bottle left my hand, I raised the gun,
placed it at my temple and pulled the trigger.

And now I too was flying, flying into an explosive world of psychedelic
colour, a fleeting rainbow of brilliance that burst upon me like a million
blossoms to set me free, free at last, free to laugh and drift on warm
currents of air, until suddenly, the colours converged and then shattered
to reveal a malevolent darkness beneath, a rich velvety darkness that
threatened to engulfed me and drag me down into the void forever. My
laughter quickly turned to terror as I fought the sensation of falling;
falling, falling and waiting for an impact that never came. I could hear
the loud pounding of my heart, could feel it hammer against my ribcage like
a trapped bird screaming for release. I expected at any moment, it would
burst from its bony confines, and like some grotesque alien creature, it
too would fly, fly dripping red-wild and free upon the world. I could feel
a sound building deep within my throat, a pure sound of primeval terror
that built to a crescendo to resonate around the confines of my skull as I
snapped awake to found myself lying in the ghostly arms of a bloated man
with a shriveled penis and a vast thatch of unkempt pubic hair who
whispered "I love you".

I leapt up in bed, breathless dazed and confused. My head was pounding, I
was drenched in sweat. I looked around in panic, until I realised where I
was, and the waves of relief that flooded my body made me laugh aloud in a
nervous outburst of release. I wiped away the perspiration from my brow and
with a deep sigh, gradually lay back down. "Jesus, it was just a fucking
dream". Shuddering at the memory, I suppressed the urge to laugh again
least I wake John. I leaned over, to get a closer look at him, he was
breathing deeply, sound asleep, I considered checking his pulse but figured
it might be taking things a little too far.

The bedside clock read 6:28 as I slid quietly out of bed and tiptoed to the
bathroom. Using my finger, I ran some toothpaste across my teeth as I
waited for my morning woody to subside before taking a pee. I turned on the
shower, adjusted the temperature, and stepped under the running water. It
felt wonderfully warm and soothing against my skin. I stood there, letting
it cascade down my body, as the last remnants of the nightmare seemed to
dissipate and dissolve in the clear warm water.

I stepped out and dried quickly against the early morning chill. Wrapping a
towel around my waist I returned to the bedroom to dress. My clothes lay
crumpled and scattered throughout the apartment, where I'd discarded them
the day before. I quickly put them on and went into the kitchen to make
coffee.

Taking a steaming cup, I returned to the bedroom to stand at the foot of
the bed. I watched John's smooth, muscular chest rise and fall as he slept,
the sunlight from the window, highlighted his blond hair giving him a
sweet, almost angelic look. I smiled at the memory of the day before and at
my surprise on seeing him that morning.

When he'd turned around to face me, I'd stood motionless, unable to move. I
couldn't speak, I was so shocked, completely dumbfounded, all I could do,
as I looked up into the face of Adonis, was grin like a simpleton. He
looked magnificent in faded cutoffs, white T-shirt and red baseball cap. He
had fantastic, tanned muscular legs that were covered in a soft dusting of
wispy blond hairs.

"Hello Mike! I bet you're surprised to see me?" he said, smiling.

"Yeah, hello John, how...how did you know where I lived?"

"Well, I was in the area and I remembered you told me the street name, so I
did a bit of detective work, this is the fifth house I've called to this
morning and well, here I am, you don't mind do you, me calling unannounced?
he said, looking a little uncertain.

"No, no, I don't mind...I'm glad you called, uuhh, to be honest, I'd
forgotten all about our arrangement...sorry, I completely forgot, I
replied, with a measure of guilt.

"Wow Mike! I must have made a good impression," he said meekly.

"No, No! it's not that, things have, I've been...uuhh...can we go
somewhere? lets go get something to eat, somewhere we can talk..."

"Okay Mike, I know a great place along the coast, they do breakfast till
noon."

"Great, sounds good, it's a bit nippy so let me grab a sweater and I'll be
with ja in a sec"

I ran back to my bedroom, Pramath wasn't there, I put on a pair of trainers
and took a sweater from my suitcase before heading into the
kitchen. Pramath was sitting at the table eating cereal. He gave me an
inquisitive look.

"Who's that guy Mike, what did he want?" I said nothing, just went to the
fridge to pour a glass of OJ.

"Well?" he asked, impatient for a response.

"Just a friend," I replied.

"But you said you didn't know anyone here," he said, with a confused look.

"I was wrong...listen Prem, tell Sean I've gone out, I should be back
later, but if not, I'll be back tomorrow."

"What are you talking about Mike? who is that guy," he replied with some
concern.

"Just a guy, a guy I met at the airport...I...."

He stood up in surprise and approached me.

"And you're going off with him, just like that, are you mad? you don't even
know him...he could...."

"Pramath, I didn't know you three days ago and that turned out okay...well,
I mean..."

"...That's different, I'm almost a relative...he's just some fucking
stranger...a...a stranger you picked up at the airport," he hissed.

"Yeah, whatever, look, I don't have time for this." I drained the last of
my OJ before placing the empty glass in the sink. I looked out the window
at John sitting by the pool and my heart skipped a beat.

"Look at him Pramath, look at him waiting for me. I gotta go, I'll see yeah
later, have fun, goodbye!"

I headed for the door but he grabbed my arm, spinning me round and pushed
me hard against the wall as he hissed in my face,

"you're not going to sleep with that guy are you?"

He was angry, all hate and venom. A tiny spray of spittle landed on my chin
as he continued spitefully, almost to the point of hysteria,

"you, you, you've just slept with me an' now...an' now you're going off to
sleep with this, this guy, this, this stranger."

"It's none of you damn business Pramath," I could feel my own anger
threatening to explode.

"It is my business Mike, I'm making if my fucking business, you can't
just..."

"look Pramath, I don't give a fuck what you think, not interested, now get
out of my way."

I'll, I'll tell Sean." He said, through gritted teeth.

"Tell Sean what! You gonna tell `em everything?" I said, with a derisive
grin.

"Yes Mike, if I have too, I will."

Instantly, my anger rose within me like a depraved monster out of control,
I grabbed his neck as I simultaneously twisted his arm behind his back,
pounding his face into the wall before holding it against the tiles. He
cried out in pain, whimpering like a dog but I was oblivious to his
distress.

"Listen macho man, you, you fucking user, you can tell Sean what you like,
I'm sure your wife will love the details. It's none of your god-damn
business what I do!...or who I sleep with, you, you piece of shit! And what
we did, as you were so keen to point out, was sex, just sex, nothing more!"
I said, matching his venom.

"Please Mike! Jesus, you're hurting me, you're breaking my arm," he
pleaded.

I ignored him as I continued, shaking with anger,

"Don't read anything more into it or you'll get hurt, remember!" I said
mockingly. "If I want to sleep with this guy, I will, I like him, he's real
and I bet he could kiss his way into the Guinness Book of Records, you
selfish bastard."

I hissed in triumph, kicking his legs from under him and he crashed to the
floor. I walked out, leaving him in a heap, gasping for breath and
dumbfounded.

Later, as myself and John drove along the coast, I felt a deep sense of
remorse.  I liked Pramath, I really did, and while I freely admit, I
enjoyed sleeping with him, I couldn't shake the feeling I'd been used. That
it hadn't been the same for him as it had been for me. The realisation was
deeply painful. I was probably nothing more than a convenient alternative
to his right hand. It made my feel morose and a little defiled. Still, I
hated to lose my temper and to allow myself to become so violent. It left
me feeling drained and despondent.

As we continued along the coast, I felt another twinge of guilt but managed
to shrug it off as I turned to smile at John, my redeemer.

"Why are you smiling?" he asked, curiously.

"Nothin', I'm just happy, that's all".

"You don't sound happy Mike, anything wrong?"

"Nothin', I'm fine, I am happy," I said, with as much conviction as I could
muster.

"Why, why are you happy Mike?"

"Well. I'm on holiday, I don't have to work or study, the sun is shining
and I'm...I'm with a nice guy, in a nice car, going for a nice breakfast,"
I said, laughing.

"So I'm a nice guy, am I", he replied, "so why didn't yeh call me
yesterday? I was lookin' forward to our meeting. I waited all day for your
call and was really disappointed when I didn't hear form you," he said, in
a slightly whiny voice that I didn't find very appealing.

I started to apologise, "I'm sorry John, I'm..." but he interrupted before
I could finish.

"It only takes a couple of minutes to pick up a phone...."

 "I know...I know, it's complicated...I...I...look, I could give you a
bullshit excuse but I wanna be honest...I...".

"Okay...I'm listening", he said as we pulled into the restaurant
car-park. He parked the car, turned off the engine, and turned to face
me. I looked at him as I searched for the appropriate words,

"Well...er...you know the guy who let you in this morning?"

"Yeah, the gardener?"

"What? The gardener! John, he wasn't the gardener, why ja think that, he's
my sister-in-laws brother".

"Sorry, he opened the gate in only a pair of shorts and er...you
know...er...well he's dark and that's a white...er...I guess I just
presumed he was the gardener, sorry".

"John, have I got this right? you presume a guy must be a gardener because
he's wearin' shorts and has dark skin? What part of America did you say you
were from?, I asked sarcastically.

"Sorry Mike, look, I didn't mean to offend, it's just, well, that part of
town is usually reserved for whites, so I just presumed...look it's not a
problem, so what about him, the guy who...who let me in?"

"Well...em...we...we kinda...you know...we..."

"You had sex with him!?, oh my god, you slept with him?" he said, raising
his eyebrows.

""It just kinda happened...I didn't plan it or anything...I mean I
hoped..."

"It's okay, you don't have to explain."

We sat in silence for several moments, I wasn't sure how to proceed. John
looked at me, then out through the windscreen, then back at me again before
laughing.

"Oh my god....you did it with, with an Indian!".

"Yeah, I did it with...Christ John! are you racist! I think that's so
fucked-up...to be...er...maybe this was a mistake...not such a good
idea...I..."

"Whoa! Slow down partner, I'm no racist. I'm just a little surprised,
that's all. Look Mike, I like you...I have since I meet you at the
airport. Your all I've thought about since then but I don't know you, and
you don't know me, so please don't jump to conclusion before we've gotten
to know each other better, okay!, I'm not a racist!"

"Sorry, you're right, you're right, I tend to shoot my mouth off without
thinking but in my limited experience, what someone insists there not
racist, or sexist or whatever, well, they usually are. And I like Pramath,
THE GARDENER!, I said smiling, "and I thought you were putting him down or
something because he's Indian".

"I wasn't. Honestly, I wasn't...so you slept with him eh?"

"Yeah, your surprised. Are you disappointed?"

"No, well, er, maybe a little, you seemed so quiet and shy the other
day. The reserved type, but I guess it's true, you always have to watch the
quiet ones", he said laughing, giving my upper arm a friendly dig. "Lets go
in and eat, okay".

Later, when we sat in the restaurant, I looked across the table at him and
couldn't shake the feeling I'd fucked things up. He wasn't saying much so I
figured as soon as breakfast was over he'd drive me home and that would be
it, I'd never see him again. Maybe I shouldn't have been so honest. And
God, he was such a hunk, that blond hair and those blue eyes were really
something. Not too mention the fantastic body. I sighed and sat back in my
seat.

"What's wrong, you seem pensive, what are you thinking?", he asked, with a
look of concern. I could have melted there and than the way he gaze at me
with those baby blues.

"I'm thinking that maybe honesty is not always the best policy, maybe I
shouldn't have told you about Pramath".

"No Mike, I'm glad you did. Look, if you're worried I'm gonna think less of
you or I wont wanna to see you again, well don't. I'm not in the habit of
knocking on doors, searching for a guy I barely know. I like you, and I
like you even more for being honest. If we weren't in this cafe with all
these breeders watchin', I'd kiss you right now", he said smiling.

"Wow!" I replied, smiling in relief before I puckered my lips in an
exaggerated way and leaned towards him.

"Stop that!, he said laughing. "you'll get us arrested".

We stayed in the restaurant for almost an hour chatting about our lives,
our families, friends, things we liked and disliked. Afterwards, as we made
our way back to the car he asked if I'd like to go to his place. I
immediately agreed and was surprised when he said,

"I'm staying over there, just across the road," nodding towards a tall
apartment block over-looking the beach.

"You sty dog," I said, laughing. "Ply me with bacon and eggs and than get
me back to your apartment to seduce me."

He laughed out loud, raising his hands in the air.

"Guilty as charged officer, it's what I do with all my dates Mike."

"So I'm your date, hmm, I've never been described as a date before. Hey!
What ja mean, all your dates," I said, frowning in mock disapproval.

He laughed as he squeezed my arm playfully.

"There's just one problem Mike, is it okay if I give you the keys to my
apartment? I gotta dash back to the office, it's not far, I should only be
a half-hour, maybe forty minutes.

"Sure, no problem John, I'll warm the bed." I said smiling.

"Jesus Mike, and I thought you were shy."

"I am, it's just, well, I trust you and feel comfortable with you."

"That's good, I like that," he said, handing me the keys. "It's apartment
185, on the top floor, I wont be long." He jumped into his car and I
watched him drive away.

I walked across the road to his apartment building, took the elevator to
the top floor and let myself into his apartment. It was very spacious and
tastefully decorated with white walls and tiled floors. I went into the
kitchen, to the fridge and grabbed a cold beer, it was still early but what
the heck, I was on holiday. I picked up a magazine and took it out to the
balcony and sat down to wait. I waited and I waited but no sign of John. I
started to feel a little concerned. Not for John, I was concerned because I
had this strange feeling I might be in the wrong apartment, I started to
feel panicked, if not a little silly. I decided to phone for a cab and get
the hell out of there but as I went to pick it up, it rang loudly, making
me jump. I was deciding if I should answer, when the machine kicked in,

"Hello, Mike you there, it's John, pick-up if you're there."

"Hello, I'm here," I said, when I picked up the receiver.

It turned out John would be at least another hour. He couldn't apologise
enough. I told him it was fine, no worries. I'd wait till he got back. I
was bored and a little curious, so I walked around exploring the
apartment. I went into the bedroom, it was sparsely furnished, a double bed
with two bedside tables, a chest of drawers and a small walk in closet. I
picked up a discarded T-shirt lying on the bed, brought it to my nose and
inhaled deeply. It smelt faintly of aftershave and perspiration. I made my
cock stir. I discovered a suitcase on the floor of the closet and being a
naturally curious (nosy) individual, I had a peek inside. It was mostly
clothes, some paperwork, a bottle of duty-free whisky and a carton of
cigarettes. I was about to close it when I noticed a bulge in one of the
zipped pockets. I opened it, and was surprised to find a small hand-gun. I
lifted it with my thumb and forefinger, I knew nothing about firearms, I'd
never seen or even held a real gun so I was scared, scared shit-less in
fact. I quickly dropped it back into the pocket, closing the zip with a
shudder.

 Later, as I sipped a second beer, I heard a key in the lock, John walked
in grinning.

"I'm sorry Mike, it took longer than I thought, I hope you weren't too
bored."

"No, I was fine John, I helped myself to some beers, is that okay?"

"My beers! Awe maaaan, not my beers, I was savin' `em for a special
occasion," he said in a mock whiny voice and laughed.

"Isn't this a special occasion," I asked, smiling.

"A very special occasion," he said as he moved in to kiss me. His mouth
opened and we kissed deeply before he held me at arms length,

"Open a beer for me, will yeh Mike, I'll just hop in the shower, wont be a
sec."

When he came out of the bathroom in just a towel, I stood staring at him in
open admiration, he was so damned hot. I remember thinking his blond hair,
blue eyes and smooth tanned muscular body were in direct contrast to
Pramath's swarthy good-looks. I recall staring and saying something lame
like, "John you're...you're beautiful," and him smiling as he approached,
grabbing me in a tight embrace, kissing my face, my neck and nibbling my
ear. We stood on the threshold of the balcony and we kissed deeply. I loved
the sensation of his smooth skin against me as he explored my mouth with
his tongue. My cock sprung to attention, straining against the fabric of my
denims. He pulled my sweater and T-shirt up to my neck and proceeded to
suck on my nipples, first one, then the other, biting down hard, I yelped
in pain, telling him not so rough..

We laughed as we tumbled down the hall, knocking furniture, bouncing of
walls, kissing as we went, We pulled at each others clothes, tripping over
ourselves in our haste to reach the bedroom. We fell onto the bed and I
kissed his face, his neck, his chest. I ran my tongue down the length of
his torso, pausing briefly to push the towel aside before pressing my face
between his legs and breathing in his deep musk and soapy scent that rose
from his warm body. He was cut, about six inches and fat with a large, very
bright-pink mushroom head. I took him in my month, he was rock-solid, yet
velvety soft. I remember he grabbed my head as I bobbed up and down and it
wasn't long before he arched his back and I felt his release splatter
against the back of my throat as he yelled out in pleasure.

We spent the afternoon and the early evening in bed, only getting out to
prepare food. I remember how my cock hurt from all the sucking and the area
around my lips felt sore and raw from kissing. But I felt great, relaxed
and completely carefree.

One thing that sticks in my memory, it freaked me out me at the time. After
we'd finished eating and lay together on the sofa, sipping duty-free
whisky. John got up and went into the bedroom. He returned with a mirror, a
playing card and a small bag of white powder. I was naive, completely
clueless. I watched him use the card to scrap together two lines of the
white powder, and rolling up a twenty Dollar bill, he snorted one and
offered the other to me. I refused, I was too timid, unsure, afraid of
losing control. John snorted the second line and before long was a little
hyper. He talked non-stop, he was vivacious and animated, he made me laugh.

Before long we were back in bed. At one point he tried to fuck me, he was
quite insistent, but I was having none of it so kept pushing him away
laughing.  He became somewhat aggressive and it took me awhile to appease
him, settle him down. When he feel asleep, I went into the other room
feeling a little scared and alone. I watched TV till about 1am before
quietly slipping into bed beside him.

*****

And now here I was at the foot of the bed watching him sleep as I drank my
coffee. He stirred and rolled over and his arm hit the empty space I had
occupied. I saw him look over, then raise his head from the pillow to look
around, he smiled when he saw me and dropped his head back onto the pillow,

"hey! You're up and dressed", he mumbled. "Come back to bed", he patted the
space beside him. "did you sleep well?

"I slept okay, c'mon, you gotta get up, you have work at eight, remember?"

"Yuck, don't remind me, come, come back to bed, come here," he said,
seductively.

He looked so damn cute, all sleepy and tousled. I walked over, placed the
coffee cup on the bedside table, and sat beside him, I started to rub his
shoulders and back.

"Mmm, that feels good, why'd you get dressed", he murmured.

"I had a nightmare and woke up early, couldn't get back to sleep", I
replied.

"Awe, did baby have a wittle nightmare", he said in a playful baby voice.

"Hey!, I'm not five years old", I said, laughing and pinching his ass.

"Ouch!...seriously, did you have a dad dream?" he said, sitting up and
looking all concerned.

"Yeah, kinda", I replied.

"What was it about?", he asked.

"I can't recall, it's a little vague. And another thing," I said, standing
up. "You were a bit out of it last night, you were obnoxious and a little
aggressive."

"Really! Jesus Mike, I'm sorry, it's the damn drugs, happens sometimes."

"Well, you shouldn't take that stuff if it has that effect on you, I was
scared John, really scared. I thought I'd have to fight my way outta here."

"No way! Your kidding, was I really that bad?" he said, with a measure of
remorse.

"Yes, you were really that bad."

"God! I'm so embarrassed, I'm sorry Mike, really, I am," he said, reaching
out and pulling me down onto the bed. He held my head in his hands and
started kissing my face all over. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. "I wasn't violent,
was I Mike, I mean, I didn't hurt you?" he was all tenderness and concern.

"No you didn't hurt me, you weren't physically violent or anything. Anyway,
I'd a snapped your arm in two, if you were," I said with a grin.

"Jesus Mike, you probably would too," he said, laughing.

"C'mon John, get up, you have to shower and drive me back before you go
into work, don't you have a meeting or something?"

"Shit! what time is it?"

"Just after seven".

"Christ!" he said, bounding out of bed. I couldn't help notice his
woody. He stretched audibly before bending down to kiss me softly on the
lips, then ran to the bathroom. I watched his muscular ass as he walked out
of the room and felt a stirring in my jeans. I stood up, quickly removed my
clothes and followed him.  He was already in the shower, I could see he was
surprised but pleased to see me.

"Hey partner!" he said kissing me. "We don't really have time for this."

"We can spare ten minutes," I said laughing and kissing him deeply. I
dropped my hand to his rock hard dick as I said, "mmm, looks like someone's
happy this mornin'."

"It's the effect you have on me darlin'," he said, grinning.

I got down on my knees and took him in my mouth. I loved the fact I could
suck him to the hilt. Unlike Pramath, John was average, which was something
I liked, large cocks are all well and good but I prefer something more
manageable. I loved sucking and pressing my lips right up against his mousy
blond pubes. He liked it too cos he started moaning softly.

"Oh yeah Mike, that feels good, we, we gotta be quick," he pulled his cock
out of my mouth and jerked himself before pushing it back in again. He
repeated this several times until he jerked one final time,

"I'm gonna cum, open up big boy...here...here it cums."

With that he plunged his throbbing cock back into my mouth and splattered
several sizable wads of creamy cum onto my tongue as I continued sucking,
it was glutinous and slightly bitter so I let it run from my mouth and
disperse in the cascading water. I stood up and we reversed positions. I
was so hot, so horny and the sensation of his warm, wet mouth felt so good
that I came fast, shooting several sizable wads of my own for him to savor.

I jumped out of the shower and left him to it. I dried, got dressed and
made coffee while he got ready. When he came into the kitchen, he looked
damned hot and handsome in his blue suit. It matched his eyes and showed of
his blond hair perfectly. I wanted to grab him and do it all again.

"You look really good in a suit," I said as I kissed him.

"Awe stop Mike...you'll...you'll make me blush," he said, putting his
finger to his chin, lowering his head and pretending to be all shy. I
laughed. He quickly downed his coffee.

"Come on Mike, we gotta go, I'll drive you back... should only take fifteen
minutes and then I'll head to the meeting...damn! I'm supposed to pick up
some papers at the office, awe! if I'm late, fuck it," he said, hurrying to
the hall. As we got to the front door he stopped to kiss me deeply,

"thanks for yesterday, and I'm sorry, you know, for my behaviour last night
and for hurrying you this morning, is it okay to call you later, if you
still wanna see me that is?" he said, blushing a little. "I promise Mike,
no drugs this time."

"Yeah, I still wanna see you," I laughed. "Relax, I forgive you." I gave
him a quick peck on the mouth. " C'mon, I'll write down the number in the
car".

He dropped me off, near the house.

"Sorry again for last night, I'll call you later, maybe we can meet, grab
something to eat or a few beers?"

"Okay, we'll see, it maybe awkward, you know, trying to explain you to my
brother," I replied.

"Just tell him you know me from university or something, anyway, it was
really nice to see you again Mike. Now get out!" he said, laughing. "I have
to dash or I'll be late." He squeezed my hand and I jumped out and watched
him speed away. I turned into the driveway and pressed the buzzer. I
wondered what kind of reception I was going to receive.

Dana let me in. Sean was at work, the children were at school, and Pramath
and Asha were still sleeping. Dana smiled as she asked in mock anger,

"Michael Fitzpatrick where have you been? Sean's been worried sick, you
really should've called and let us know you wouldn't be home."

"But I told Pramath I was going out with a friend," I replied sheepishly.

"Yes, he told us but he didn't have details...he didn't know anything about
your friend," she said curiously.

"He's just a friend from university, he, he came down with his, his
girlfriend to visit her family. They said they may call this evening, so I
could be going out again," I said casually.

A little later, as I swam in the pool, Pramath came out with a cup of
coffee in his hand and the newspaper under his arm. There was no greeting,
he sat some distance from me and proceeded to read the paper, refusing to
even look in my direction.

"Hello! Prem, how are you this fine sunny morning?" I called, in an overly
cheerful tone as I grinned. He said nothing, no response. "What's wrong my
friend, cat got your tongue?" Still no response.

I rose from the water, grabbed a towel and approached him, smiling. My
smile abruptly fell as I drew closer, I was shocked, dismayed and instantly
remorseful. His cheek was swollen, there was an extensive blue-black bruise
on one side of his face and his eye was bloodshot. Jesus, was I a monster,
capable of inflicting such pain. My face burned with shame.

"Pramath, oh my god, did I do that? I'm sorry, so sorry" I reached out to
touch him and he visibly flinched,

"Leave me alone Mike, I'm reading," he snapped.

"Look Prem, I just wanna say how..."

"Leave me alone Mike, I don't wanna talk to you."

"Okay, okay, I understand but listen, just listen, you don't have to talk
to me but please listen okay, please. Pramath, about yesterday, I'm sorry,
I know I was aggressive and said some awful things. But I never meant to do
that, never.  I'm not proud of my behaviour and I'm not making excuses but
you hurt me with the things you said so I wanted to hurt you in return. I
figured you used me, it made me feel bad and you threatened to tell Sean so
I lost my temper and retaliated."

"Look Mike, I don't need an explanation from you, he said, bluntly. "I've
ten days left here in Durban and most of it will be spent sightseeing and
visiting relatives so we wont have to spend too much time in each others
company. When it's necessary, I'll be sociable and polite but only to avoid
any awkward questions. But as far as I'm concerned you can go fuck yourself
Mike, is that clear.

"Pramath, look, I'm sorry, can we..."

"Is that clear Mike!?"

"Yes! Yes, but can we just talk, please, let me explain..."

"There's nothing to talk about, nothing to explain, just stay the hell away
from me and things will be fine, ten day Mike, ten fucking days, " he
hissed as he got up and went back into the house leaving me desolate and
racked with remorse.

The rest of the day was a complete nightmare. Lunch was particularly
bad. The four of us sat on the patio. Asha and Dana did most of the talking
but it was still extremely uncomfortable. I had no appetite, I just picked
at my food, feeling dreadful. Under normal circumstances, I'd probably have
shrugged it off and been cheerful but Pramath sat opposite me, and the raw
discoloration on his once beautiful face was a visible and blatant reminder
of my hideous crime. It was agonizing for me to see him that way. I freely
admit, I deserved his contempt and could handle being ignored but what I
couldn't handle was when he smiled, all animated and polite towards me. I
knew it was a front and it made me utterly miserable. I must say, he was a
great actor, he'd have made a great politician, the two women suspected
nothing. I, on the other hand, was a terrible actor, my shame and sadness
were etched on my face for all the world to see. Dana asked me if I was
okay. I managed to convince her I was fine, just tired. She smiled as she
accused me of drinking too much with my friends and I quickly agreed,
seeing it as a legitimate excuse to leave the table and retreat to my
bedroom.

Later, the three of them went to pick the children from school and
afterwards to visit friends. I was left alone to contemplate my next
move. In hindsight, instead of wallowing in my guilt and confusion, I
should have confronted Pramath and demanded a chance to explain, to get
everything out in the open. But I was twenty, and at that age I may have
considered myself grown-up, but I knew nothing about life or about
relationships. So I just lay on the bed, lost and alone, feeling sorry for
myself.

They say things get worse before they get better and in my case it was
true. As I lay dozing, I was woken by the shrill of the phone. I jumped out
of bed and ran to pick it up. It was John.

"Hey Mike! howzit?

I know it may sound stupid, maybe even a little lame but I was feeling
depressed and totally retched so hearing a friendly voice almost made me
cry. I managed to hold back the tears as I greeted him.

"Hello John, how did it go this morning, did you get the contract?"

"Yeah, everything worked out well, thanks Mike. Are, are you okay? You
don't sound too good."

"No, I'm, I'm fine, just a little tired, we meeting up later?

"Well, that's why I'm callin'. Now that things have been sorted sooner than
we thought. I've gotta get back to London and take care of things that
side. There's a flight at 6.30pm this evenin' so it looks like it's goodbye
for now partner."

This news, on top of everything else was enough to send me over the edge
and I started to blub. I was embarrassed so tried to keep it quiet.

"Mike! you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Hey! C'mon Mikey, it'll be okay."

"Do you have to go so soon John, couldn't yeh..."

"No, I have to, I have to be there, you know, lose ends and all that. Look,
I didn't mean to upset yeh. I mean, I know you like me but there's really
no need to cry..." he laughed as he tried to keep things lighthearted.

"It's not that, it's just..."

"C'mon Mikey, we'll see each other in London, as soon as you get back,
okay?"

"I'd like that John, I have your business card so I'll call you when I get
back to London but I really wish I was going with you tonight."

"Hey c'mon man, it's only a couple of weeks. You can come and stay at my
place for awhile, how's that."

"Great, look I don't mean to be so heavy an' all, you must think I'm such a
wimp..."

"No I don't, really I don't, I'm surprised and, well you know, kinda
flattered."

I found this funny, he presumed the tears were for him, because he was
going away. I stifled a tearful laugh and it came out sounding like another
sob. I quickly covered it by saying,

"well, you're, you're a great guy John, I like you and I wanna get to know
you better."

"And you will Mike, you will, listen, I gotta go. Call me as soon as you
arrive back in London and we'll arrange a meeting, we'll talk then, okay?"

"Okay John, enjoy the flight, be good."

"Okay, and thanks Mike, for everything, bye-bye.

I put down the receiver as I sunk to the floor and gave my tears free
reign. I never felt so desolate, so isolated, more alone than at any time
in my young life. What should have been the holiday of a lifetime was
turning into a living nightmare. I staggered back to my room and lay on the
bed. I thought about Pramath, and about John but mostly I thought about
Dr. H., which only increased my feelings isolation and loneliness. Jesus!
Could things get any worse?

To be continued...