Date: Mon, 03 Dec 2001 14:38:24 -0600
From: Fredric L. Brothers <flbrothers@hotmail.com>
Subject: "Summer With Val" (Man/Boy) Chapter 11
Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. It contains
scenes of love between an adult male and a boy. If you find this
disturbing, then leave. Your mission is now completed.
Please e-mail any thoughts or comments you may have:
FLBROTHERS@hotmail.com
SUMMER WITH VAL
--------------------------------
By Fred Brothers
Copyright (c) 2000 by Fredric Law Brothers (All Rights Reserved)
Chapter 11 - Pleasantries and Other Unspeakable Topics
I continued to replay the marvelous afternoon of lovemaking I
had had with my precious Val. He was now napping and I was cuddling
him close to me, thrilled at the sensation of his warm, loving body
embracing mine. I let my fingertips gently but thoroughly explore
various areas of his delicate yet incredibly strong, young frame.
This boy had captivated me as no one ever had done before. The
explanation? Try as I might, I simply didn't know. Something had
been sparked deep within me. Val and I had become lovers. It was as
simple and as complicated as that. I was the adult lover of a ten-
year-old boy. I knew that I had never before experienced such total
happiness and such a profound sense of fulfillment.
I began to wonder why I had never succumbed to boy love before -
before meeting Val. Of course, the answer seemed to come quickly and
clearly - because I had never met a boy that I had fallen in love
with before - fallen completely and irrevocably in love with. Val's
glowing personality, his intense beauty, his every characteristic
made me quite ecstatic and, most of all, happy. I now experienced a
peace - a peace of the soul, if I wanted to become poetic - that I
had never known. Val was the personification of all that was
beautiful and good in this life - all that I desired, all that I
needed to satisfy my soul, and all that was so nearly perfect.
After Val brought me to that earlier earthshaking climax, we
cuddled together. I tickled him and he giggled his boyish, adorable
laugh . I rolled him onto his back and kissed and gently nibbled his
luscious, full lips. He returned my advances with renewed intensity.
Using the flat of my tongue, I licked and sucked over his
delicious body. I delighted in mouth washing his baby smooth pits
and his scrumptious arms, his dark nipples and fine, strong chest,
his cute navel and any other exposed area of flesh. This included
rubbing my arms over those lovely smooth thighs and gorgeous lower
legs and feet. I gradually lessened the intensity of my actions
until I was just barely touching his flesh, gently teasing him and
simultaneously making him almost insane with desire.
Val, who had been laughing and squealing at my earlier treatment
of his body, had become very quiet during this gentle, soothing
lovemaking. All I could hear was his steady, rapid and rhythmic
breathing.
I slowly and lovingly approached his enticingly displayed
genitals. His gorgeous, tantalizing boy cock was standing straight
up, urging me to capture its essence with my hands and with my mouth.
His wonderful jewels were hanging limply and likewise beckoned.
However, first I bent over and kissed his delicious pubic mound.
Completely hairless, it was smooth and silken and a delight to
explore. As I rubbed my lips across his skin, licking and sucking on
this superb flesh, I was again reminded of why I desired this child
so much - what drew my adult sensibilities to a child.this child.
There was something almost primal about the tenderness and the warmth
of the love of a child - something going back to the beginnings of
time. Something protective, something pure, something almost
chaste.and yes, something forbidden.
Val was beginning to move that beautiful body and I drove my
tongue into the crease between his thigh and his torso. The silky-
smooth feel of that flesh combined with the tangy taste of Val's
young boy sweat only increased my hunger and my raging desires. I
licked and sucked his delicious skin and slowly moved my tongue over
to his luscious testicle sac. I played over the surface, first with
my lips (making kissing sounds which made him giggle again) and then
with my tongue. Val began to squirm his cute little ass and I needed
him to calm down so that I could accomplish my important and delicate
mission.
"Val, try not to move around so much. Okay?"
It took him a couple of seconds to respond. "Okay, Zack. I'll
try. But...but it ain't easy tryin' t' keep...keep from movin' wit'
wha...what ya doin' t' me."
I looked longingly at his gorgeous face, then kissed those his
sweet lips deeply and fervently.
I eventually returned to his gorgeous ball sac. After kissing
and licking over the entire surface, I drove my tongue behind his
scrotum and began to lick and kiss and suck the precious skin between
his sac and his anus. This took Val by surprise and he moaned very
loudly and began to thrash about almost uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry, Zack. I don't wanta hurt ya, but my body won't do
what I'm tellin' it t' do."
I lifted my head and smiled at him. "That's okay sweetie. I
understand. You cannot fight nature, I suppose."
Val lifted his legs and spread them wide in response to my oral
detailing of his scrotum and perineum. I moved between those wide
spread legs again. I again petted his smooth tapered thighs. They
were so silken and yet so strong - like iron ingots wrapped in the
softest, most delicate cashmere. I rubbed my lips over these twin,
almost cylindrical sections of Val's marvelous body. I gently
nibbled them, gathering his boy essence into my mouth and onto my
tongue, feeling the incredibly hard but still smooth muscles beneath.
I moved down and ran my lips and tongue over his perfectly smooth
lower legs and even licked his big toes. The complete beauty of this
wonderful boy always made me succumb to the almost magical
magnificence and complete sexual allure of the unchanged male body.
I slowly returned to nibbling and sucking around his glorious
scrotum, taking those luscious, tender little testes into my mouth -
first individually, then both at the same time. The feel of his
tender, smooth skin in my mouth and those precious orbs gave me an
incredible rush. Val's taste was fabulously strong and inviting this
afternoon - a whole day of building up the boy sweat in this treasure
area. I adored the lingering, powerful boy scent - it was so pure
and so sharp - so absolutely invigorating - so completely boy! In
all my experience, I had known nothing like it - nothing coming close
to the invigorating, stimulating, highly arousing scent of pure fresh
boy!
Val apparently loved how I was mauling his delicate parts -
loving it very, very much. He was alternately moaning, calling out
my name and almost growling. He was moving his body quite actively
and alternately waving his arms in the air and pounding them on the
bed. At one point, I put out one of my hands and caught one of his
gorgeous, sexy arms. I brought the tip to my mouth and began to
maul that part of him too.
We both knew what was coming, and neither was disappointed. I
brought my hands up to his stiff cock and slowly moved my lips to the
very tip of the head. The foreskin had partially retracted and I
gently pushed it back the rest of the way with my tongue and lips.
Val squealed. I gently took his gorgeous penis between my lips and
just let it rest in the curl of my tongue. I was not actively
stimulating Val in any way - I was resting my hands on his chest and
had the first inch or so of his cock in my steaming mouth.
While letting that enticing penis of his remain resting on my
tongue, I began to move my hands slowly around his upper chest. I
stroked from the base of his neck, over his small, fully erect
nipples and down to the bottom of his rib cage. I did this over and
over and Val began to breath faster and more erratically.
"Ah! Ah! Ah Zack. This...this is so...so awesome...so very, very
awesome...and great. I love what ya doin'!"
I lifted my head and smiled at him. He smiled back and the look
on his bright, shining face warmed me completely. "And I love you,
my sweet Val."
My hands continued to lightly knead that wonderful chest,
tugging slightly on his nipples, then slowly moved to his always
delightful and appealing armpits. Val was sweating rather profusely
even though the room was quite comfortably cool. I massaged those
smooth, luscious, moist pits, then moved to stroke and squeeze his
boyishly strong biceps. At the same time, I began to slightly move
my tongue on the underside of that delicious boy cock. An enormous
shudder racked Val's body and he moaned loudly.
I moved my hands up and down his arms, stroking them gently,
caressing every square inch of both, while I continued to increase
the activity of my tongue on his glorious cock. I rolled my tongue
lightly around the head now, occasionally putting it through his
slit, at other times systematically moving it slowly around the
ridge.
My loving boy began to whimper loudly and obviously wanted me to
make faster progress on his rampaging cock because he was shoving it
as far as he could into my mouth, then withdrawing it, only to repeat
the process again and again with increasing speed and energy. I
knew he was fucking for an orgasm - for immediate release. He was
very hot and seemingly out of control. I decided to help him along,
and began putting increasing suction on his marvelous and obviously
sensitive cock.
He was babbling - I could not understand a thing he was saying -
except for an occasional mention of God. I moved my hands so that
they were grasping the ends of Val's arms and began to vigorously
massage them. I hoped I wasn't causing him any pain by my strong
manipulations of his various body parts, and judging by his
reactions, I don't think I was. But what I was doing was driving him
to still higher and higher levels of arousal
Val suddenly came with tremendous screaming along with deep,
almost uncontrollable gasping for breath and tremendous body
movements. I knew it had to have been very satisfying for him. It
took him quite a few minutes just to return to a normal state of high
arousal. What I found so incredible this time, however, was that his
climax was equally satisfying to me. Knowing that I had given
another human being such great pleasure and release was a tremendous
turn on.
I was still positioned between his legs, which had been flailing
during the time of his climb toward the climax and after. He had not
hurt me. It was so fantastic to know how excited I was able to made
him. I was staring up at his angelic face and watching intensely as
he went through so many different emotions and knowing I was
responsible for them all.
When he finally opened his eyes, he was looking at the ceiling.
It took him a minute or two to become conscious of his surroundings.
"Hi," I said softly.
"There ya are. Hi. I didn't see ya." He gave me an enormous
smile and reached out to touch me. I leaned forward slightly and he
moved his arm stumps over my face and cheeks. I kissed them and he
became aroused again as I lapped at those marvelous appendages.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Thanks, Zack."
I gave him a big smile and kissed his arms even harder.
"I should be thanking you, my sweet Val." He gave me a small
look of surprise. "I should thank you for being here with me. For
making everything so wonderful. And for being such a wonderful
lover.and partner."
He sat up and wrapped his arms around me. We stared into each
other's eyes for a few seconds before we clasped each other strongly
and embraced with abandon - total and complete desire...and love...and
lust.
"I love ya so much, Zack. But why couldn't we meet up again a
few years back?"
"Why do you say that?"
He shrugged. "I dunno."
"Well, it's rather simple I suppose. Because if we met up again
a few years ago then we wouldn't have been able to meet now. Would
we? And maybe we wouldn't have fallen in love. We'd have been
different people then, not the people we are now."
He smiled. "Yeah, I s'ppose ya right." This was followed by a
long sigh and looked away. "Maybe I'd still have...you know, maybe I'd
still have my h-h-hands if we'd met a few."
I stopped him abruptly. "I don't want you to think that way,
Val." I looked at him seriously. There was a slightly admonishing
tone in my voice when I interrupted him and spoke. I put my hand
under his chin and turned his head to face me. He looked at me with
a certain touch of fear and incredible sadness in his eyes. "Please.
It does no good to think like that. What's done is done and we
cannot change what is. And it's a waste of time and energy thinking
of what might have been." I never wanted him to think this way -
never wanted him to enact the "What if" scenario. "What's
important.what's so very, very important...is that we've found each
other now, and that we're together now, and that we'll be together
from now on." I smiled at him and kissed him again. "Okay,
sweetheart?"
He nodded. "Yeah, okay Zack. Yeah. That sounds good t' me.
I'm sorry."
"There's no need to apologize. From now on, we're going to try
to live only in the present and the future and try to forget about
what happened in the past. So many wonderful things are in store for
both of us that...that we won't have time to remember things from long
ago. Okay?"
He nodded again, smiled and brought one of his arms up to my
lips. I kissed it and rubbed it gently with my lips. "I'm glad.
The two of us being together is the best thing to ever happen to me.
Now that we're together we can both be happy...and grow...and love
each other as much as we want."
He brought both stumps up to his face and looked from one to the
other. "I really hate `em!" he said emphatically.
I held him close and he wrapped his arms around my torso.
"Don't," I whispered in his ear. We held each other tightly and
lovingly and comfortingly.
"Can I ask ya for a favor, Zack? he whispered back."
"Absolutely sweetheart. You can ask for anything you want.
What is it?"
He spoke in a very low voice. "Can ya take me...ya know, take me
w-where w-we were before?"
"Before?"
"Yeah! Before...when we were makin' love t'gether."
"You want to make love again?"
He nodded shyly. "Yeah.I do."
"Really?"
He smiled and nodded. "Really," he said softly.
He brought one of his arms slowly up to my lips. I could not
resist - I was a slave to Val's fabulous personality and delicious
body. I began moving my lips over the slightly roughened surface of
one stump. I kissed it and began to suck on it.
He scooted down between my legs. Bringing his arm stumps to my
cock and hanging balls, he gently began to rub those marvelous stubs
on my most sensitive body parts. I immediately began to moan and
silently thanked the powers that be for sending me such a loving and
generous partner.
Seduction...ah, glorious seduction...by a gorgeous and giving ten
year old boy - how could I be so incredibly lucky? What had I done
to deserve such happiness?
----------------------------------
We sat and relaxed in the Jacuzzi. Even though we had had the
most marvelous sex together, we could not keep from touching and
continuing to fondle each other. Just seeing this marvelous boy kept
me at a sexual high. It was going to be difficult living with him -
his very presence would be keeping me constantly erect and my entire
body needful.
-----------------------------------
The phone was ringing. I reached around Val and grabbed it.
"Hi, Zack, it's Chris deYoung."
"Oh, hi, Christian. What can I do for you?"
"I'm down in the lobby...and Gabe's with me. Can we come up?"
What the hell was he doing here? And with Gabe? Why? "Yeah,
sure. No problem. Room 2101."
"We're on our way."
Christian? Here with Gabe? What do they want? And the
strangeness of Mary Anne's earlier phone call. What up? My mind was
not completely clear of the cobwebs.
I slipped on underwear, shorts and a tee shirt. Val was still
sound asleep; the poor kid had had a rough day - emotionally and
physically and our very active sex play most definitely contributed.
I decided to let him sleep a little longer. We still had plenty of
time to get to the restaurant.
I greeted them and Gabe jumped on me and gave me a big hug and a
kiss. He then turned on the television and started flipping through
the channels. I pulled some sodas out of the fridge.
"I guess you're wondering why we're here, aren't you?" Christian
asked. I nodded and did not take my eyes off of him. For some
reason I suspected his motives for this visit, so I gave him the old
staring treatment. "First, did Mary Anne call?" I nodded again. "I
thought she'd do that." Gabe turned around and what I took to be a
meaningful glance passed between the two. "Well, Zack, I...that is
we...were very upset when you walked out of Mary Anne's place. She was
completely in the wrong." He took a long drink of his soda and let
out a heavy sigh. "And we were wrong not to tell you about...about the
arrangements...you know, of taking Gabe...well, of you taking him
permanently."
I decided to play it cool, to offer no more information than was
absolutely necessary and to keep my answers terse. I still said
nothing. "Let him unburden himself," I thought. "Maybe something
unexpected or unplanned might be said."
Gabe seemed totally involved with something on television.
Christian looked at me and I'm sure he noted my icy stare. He looked
away a few times and sipped his drink. He apparently began to say
something once or twice but hesitated - then stopped. Probably
didn't want to say something too provocative or argumentative.
When he finally spoke, it was in subdued tones and slowly.
"Gabe tells me that you.you've known Val and his family for a long
time."
"Yes." I was not volunteering anything - I'd answer his
questions honestly and directly.
"And that his mother will be going to medical school soon?"
"Yes."
"What's going to happen to the boy? I mean who'll be taking
care of him? He obviously needs considerable help.getting by, I
mean."
Christian was stumbling over his words and I think he was
becoming a bit unnerved. "He doesn't need as much help as you may
think." I paused and look at Christian and glanced at Gabe. Both
were staring at me. "As a matter of fact, I had planned on taking
care of him."
I got open-mouthed responses from both and then looked at each
other. "You will?" replied Christian. I nodded in response.
"You'll be taking care of him?" I nodded. "Full time?" I nodded
again.
Gabe stunned expression changed to one of joy. He came flying
off his spot on the floor and jumped onto my lap. "Really? Really?
Val's gonna be livin' with us in Berkeley?"
"Yes...but..."
"Wow! Val's gonna be livin' with us! That is soooo cool! Wow!
It's gonna be great! We'll get t' go t' school together, study
together, play together, go out together. It'll be wonderful, dad."
"I'm sure it would be, Gabe," I said rather coolly and
distantly. "However, that was all before I knew you'd be living with
me permanently." I sighed heavily and shook my head. I took a sip
of my soda. "I really don't know how I'm going to manage with both
you boys..." and I let my voice trail off.
Gabe got a panicked expression on his face. He slowly slid off
my knee and stood in front of me. "Ya mean...ya mean..."
"I mean I'm not really sure anymore." I was in a slightly
sadistic and bitchy mood. "How dare they interfere with Val and my
planned night together? Why did they show up here? What is behind
that young fucker Christian's questions.and the probing...and trying to
seem cool at the same time? And what kind of name is Christian? Is
he trying to advertise that he's better than the rest of us?"
"Why dad? Val and I aren't little kids anymore. We can take
care of ourselves a lot and we...and we..."
"I think you're forgetting something Gabe - Val's handicap? He
can't do everything he wants or needs for himself and requires help
and almost constant supervision."
"Yeah...but...but ya just said before that he doesn't need much
help?"
He had me. I sighed heavily for effect and to collect my
thoughts. "Gabe, he is not self sufficient. I think you saw some of
that earlier today."
"That's not true!" Gabe practically shouted.
"What?"
"I said that's not true. He took care of himself okay when he
was at home all alone and his mom was at work. Didn't he?"
"Yes he did," I admitted. "But...but there were neighbors to
check on him...to look in on him...every hour or so."
"So? Ya got help, don't ya? A maid or someone?"
I carefully and deliberately ignored these last statements and
questions. He was being too forthright and too logical and I needed
to assert my parental authority. "He is not self-sufficient," I
repeated with emphasis. I paused again and shook my head. "I just
don't know how I'd manage with the two of you."
I noticed a tear running down Gabe's cheek. "I think...I think
you're bein' mean and very unfair...unfair to both me and to Val," he
blurted out. "I know I wanna live with ya very, very much...and I'm
sure Val feels the same way." He moved to the couch and sat next to
Christian. Christian put his arm around Gabe's shoulder and pulled
him to his body.
"Interesting how he went right over to Christian when he found
himself in a little distress," I mused. "Most interesting...and more
than a little disturbing."
Just then, my cellular phone rang and I answered. It was my
attorney saying that he'd be arriving at SeaTac at nine o'clock
tonight and would be staying in the same hotel. We made an
appointment to meet late tomorrow morning in his suite.
"So where were we?" I asked
"Ya were tellin' us...of...of your problem taking care of both Val
and me." Gabe was speaking sarcastically and with a sob in his
voice. "But you said at mom's place that ya would and could take me
t' live with ya. Right?"
"Ah, yes. I did and I meant it...I really meant it. I'll love
having you live with me. However, I think the situation has changed
as far as Val is concerned. I don't want to seem heartless or cruel,
but I don't think him living with us is going to be possible now." I
was getting more than a little annoyed at him questioning my
decision.
Yet...yet...how had I made this decision? How? What brought it on?
Was it pique? What suddenly made me say that I would not be caring
for Val if Gabe were to live with me? My Val. My beautiful boy...my
lover. Yet, it had now been voiced and I could not retract what I
had so forcibly argued.
I sat forward in my seat and looked sharply at Gabe. "You guys
seem to think that I lead a very charmed life and the best sellers
just pop out of my computer as if by magic and..."
"No we don't, dad! That's not true! We know ya work very hard
on everything ya do. So don't say that!"
"Thank you, Gabe. I do work very hard...and with the position I
have at the university my time will be very, very occupied."
"But...but...what about Val? I know he's happy bein' with ya...he
told me how great it is bein' with ya...and...and...what's gonna happen t'
him? Huh?" Gabe looked crestfallen. Christian had his arm around
Gabe's shoulder and was rubbing him gently. "Ya gonna send him back
to his mother again? His uncaring mother?"
I was shaken by Gabe's expert characterization of Elise and her
attitude toward Val. I smile slightly. I sat back on the chair with
an air of satisfaction. "I think it's the only logical solution."
The bedroom door opened slowly. Val was standing there.and he
looked just so gorgeous. His boyhood beauty radiated throughout the
room and warmed me. He was wearing just his briefs, an athletic
shirt and no prostheses. He rubbed his eyes with his stumps. He
looked so goddamned gorgeous as he slowly walked across the room and
onto my lap. I put my arms around him, held him tightly and kissed
his head. I soothingly stroked his forehead; he was quite perspired
and I worried that maybe he was getting sick. I noticed out of the
corner of my eye that Gabe and Christian exchanged curious glances.
"Hi Gabe. Hi Christian," Val said softly.
Both returned his greeting. "Did you have a good nap, sweetie?"
I asked very solicitously. Again, Gabe and Christian traded glances.
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah. I had a great nap and I'm feelin' fine." He kissed my
cheek and I hugged him tightly.
He gave me a big, beautiful Val-smile and brought his arm stump
up for me to kiss, which I was happy to do. I know we'd both
forgotten that Gabe and Christian were in the room.
"Are we gonna eat soon? And wha'...what are Gabe and Christian
doin' here?"
Their presence came back like a kick in the head. "They...they
came to visit us...to tell us they're sorry about what happened
today...you know, at Mary Anne's house. And yes, we'll be leaving for
dinner soon."
"Where ya going?" Gabe asked.
Before I could answer, Val spoke up. "We're goin' t' Wild
Ginger. Wanna go?"
Gabe smiled but it was Christian who spoke. "We'd love to.
Right Gabe?" Gabe smiled and nodded vigorously.
I tried to say something but Val was so excited that I kept my
mouth shut. He ran over to Gabe and the two spoke quietly.
Christian quickly took a cell phone out of his shirt pocket and
dialed. He seemed to know the number. He spoke for about thirty
seconds, put the phone away and smiled at all of us. "Okay! Four at
eight. Super!"
Gabe was smiling broadly. "Chris owns that restaurant. We've
been there a lot!"
"Not really," Christian interjected. "I'm just a partner."
I nodded. I saw Gabe touching Val's arm stumps as they spoke
together. "Uh...thanks," was the only response I could muster at the
speedy changes that had just occurred.
It surprised me how open the two boys were with each other.
They walked over to one of the large chairs and sat together. Gabe
grabbed the TV remote and started scanning the channels again. He
put his other hand on one of Val's arm stump. Val looked up at him
and gave him a loving smile.
Jealousy was starting to build within me. I was amazed at how
quickly Val had recognized Gabe's total acceptance of him and his
crippled condition. Yes, they had spoken on the phone over the last
few month and had seen each other, albeit very briefly, this
afternoon.
Why had I said that Val was not going to live with us? Why had
I given voice to something so abhorrent to me? The thought of being
parted from this boy was something to be dreaded. I knew in my heart
that I could not live without this fabulous person. But...but
something was happening to me.something strange and completely
unknown...unknown in all my previous experience.
There was about thirty seconds of awkward silence. It seemed
like an eternity. "C'mon Val. We need to get dressed." Val stood
and waited for me to get up. Gabe stood. The two boys embraced with
fervor. Then Gabe walked up and gave me a big hug. I lifted him and
we embraced deeply. When I put him down, I noticed Val had already
gone into the bedroom. I followed.
-------------------------------------
Dinner was enjoyable, I suppose. The food was exceptional, and
the service outstanding. But something was still bothering me -
something said...or...done back in the hotel room. It put a damper on
the entire evening for me. Something that I couldn't put my finger
on...something...something...
But I was in the minority. Val said he enjoyed it more than any
other restaurant he'd even been to because he could manage the satays
with such ease - just lift the stick with his hook and slide the food
into his mouth. He and Gabe had so much fun that I think they both
over ate.
They chatted incessantly - everything from comic books and
movies to skateboarding and mountain biking. Gabe talked about
computer games. Val had never played one, holding up his hooks as
the reason. Neither boy attempted to engage me in any meaningful
conversation. Something...something was hanging over us...over me...
and I didn't exactly know what the hell it was.
After an initial coldness, Christian and I were able to carry on
a rather civil conversation. He seemed a nice enough guy - friendly,
outgoing, and very pleasing to look at. I learned much more about
him, his life and work. He was actually twenty-five, not nineteen as
I had facetiously suspected. He said he loved his work in Seattle
and loved the city. He was deeply involved with various local and
state civic organizations, particularly those involved in
environmental concerns. He was quite wealthy, having inherited a
sizable fortune.
Finally I had to ask the question that had been bothering me
since we first met. "Isn't deYoung a Jewish name?"
"It is...or was. Milton deYoung, the donor of that great museum
in San Francisco, was definitely Jewish but over the years and newer
generations...well, it isn't strictly Jewish any more. As you can tell
from my first name, my branch of the family isn't." He gave a
slightly nervous chuckle.
I nodded. There was nothing more to say on the subject.
After dessert, one of the hostesses came by the table and asked
if the boys would like to have a tour of the kitchens. Both
responded enthusiastically. Gabe waved at me as they walked to the
kitchen; Val did not turn around.
I sipped the remaining wine in my glass. When I put it down,
Christian put his hand over mine. "He's a very beautiful boy. Val."
I looked up at him and smiled. "Yes, he is very beautiful...a
very, very attractive boy...uh...young man...boy...despite his obvious
handicap. But I think his handicap makes him all the more
attractive." I suddenly realized I had said more than I had wanted
to say and tried to make some corrections. "Er...and he's also a
wonderful person.intelligent, insightful, and rather deep for a ten
year old...and he's also exceptionally good company. If you know what
I mean." Again, I knew I had said too much.
Christian smiled and nodded. "Then he's a lot like Gabe."
I stared at Christian for a few seconds, and slowly moved my
eyes down until I was looking at my wine glass. Christian's last
statement was beginning to sink into my rather confused brain.
Something....I cleared my throat and spoke quite slowly. "I must admit
it was quite a shock...shock to me...when Mary Anne said she did not
want...you know, to have Gabe living with her anymore. I always
thought she would put up an incredible struggle...a terrific
fight...before allowing him to be parted from her."
Christian sighed and looked at me - his eyes seemed to be
tearing. "It was I who convinced her."
Now I was completely at a loss. Well, shocked is more like it.
"You? Why?"
Christian looked up at the ceiling, and shook his head slightly;
his yes were definitely filling with tears. "Because...well, I...I
really don't know how to say this without...well, without it sounding
cruel and overly calculating. And also slightly per...well, it could
seem downright perverted to some."
I was starting to get annoyed with Christian's vacillating and
evasion. "Well please try harder then!" I said. There was an
undercurrent of urgency in my voice.
He nodded. "Yes. Because I could not be the right...the proper
kind of husband to her if...if Gabe were living with us."
I gave him a very questioning look. He nodded again, then began
to shake his head slightly. "I don't think this is the place to talk
about such things."
I was getting more annoyed by the second and my hands started
balling into fists. "I think it is! Now please try!"
"Okay. I'll try." He was quiet and just seemed to stare at me
forever. He was obviously very nervous and afraid of saying
anything. Finally, he sighed and the words just came tumbling out of
him. "I'm in love with Gabe and...and I'm sure he's in love with me."
Oh Christ! Oh Jesus H. Christ! The very thought in the back of
my mind, the one I did not want to recognize...the one I did not want
to acknowledge as possibly true, was now laid bare to me.
I was probably sitting there with my mouth wide opened.and
staring at him. His expression was seemingly blank but he was
flushed and his eyes very moist. He spoke first.
"Gabe and I are very good friends. We have become close...and
very loving...during my...well, my courtship of Mary Anne. We do lots
of things together and I love him like a son...I love him like my own
son."
Just then, the boys came back from the kitchens. I again tried
to dispel the heavy atmosphere hanging over me. Val chattered about
all the things he'd seen and he loved watching the preparations in
the kitchen; what he could not stand was the heat.
We finished our wine and the boys ordered second desserts.
Christian signed the check and we left. We walked for a short while,
the boys keeping well ahead of the adults. He telephoned Mary Anne
from his cellular phone, telling her that he and Gabe would be
spending the night at his apartment in town and tomorrow morning they
would go out to the boat. He seemed to be letting Mary Anne know his
intentions and was not asking for her opinions.or her permission; he
was not taking any crap from her.
"Christian, I think...I know we must talk privately as soon as
possible. We cannot leave things just hanging...you know, things as
important as we touched on tonight."
I noticed my stomach was churning. That certain something -
what the hell was it? - was still weighing on me...it began to feel
oppressive...and almost overwhelming.
As he turned to look at me, an unusually serious look crossed
his face. "I agree. I totally understand. Tomorrow - on the boat-
after you meet with your lawyer - we can talk. Is that okay? Some
things definitely need clarification. We'll have maximum privacy
there. And we can talk about everything...everything."
----------------------------------
I was in bed and I couldn't remember how I got there. This
whole evening - from the time Christian called from the lobby woke me
up, until now - well, it all seemed like something unreal. Like it
was all a dream.or an imitation of reality. My mind was in shambles.
I think I undressed quickly and got into bed without even looking at
Val or thinking about anything except Gabe and Christian. Gabe and
Christian. Oh God! Gabe and Christian!
"Wassa matter, Zack? Ya haven't said a word since we got up
here." Val had also undressed and was wearing only his underwear.
He was kneeling near the foot of the bed.
I gave him a small smile, which was the best I could muster.
"I'm sorry sweetheart. I've just got something on my mind. That's
all."
"About Gabe?"
I nodded. "Yes...yes...that's right...it's about Gabe."
"I see." I was staring at the ceiling and could hear him as he
let out a big sigh. "And...and it's...it's about Chris too, ain't it?"
I sat up quickly and stared at him. My eyes were wide - my
mouth slightly opened. "What brought on this question? What did Val
suspect? What did he know? And how the hell did he know it? Was it
that obvious? Was I that obvious? Did Gabe say something to Val?
Was I the last to know? Or suspect?"
It is amazing how many different thoughts can go through one's
mind in a matter of a few seconds.
Val stared at me, waiting for me to say something - to
acknowledge his last statement. Since I had tried to make honesty a
hallmark of our relationship, I knew I would have to speak to him
about what was happening...and what was worrying me and weighing on me.
Also, since he was so incredibly perceptive and understanding of
human nature, I knew he could - or would - be at least somewhat
helpful in my profound quandary.
"Yes, sweetheart, it's about Gabe and...and also about Christian."
"I knew it," he said very softly, and was quiet, just staring at
me. Then he spoke once again. "Ya saw it too, didn't ya?"
I looked at him, giving him a sort of ironic smile and nodded.
"Yes, I think I definitely saw something there...something between Gabe
and Christian." I looked at him very questioningly. "I think
they...they...well, I think there's a strong feeling...or feelings
between the two of them."
Still he knelt on the bed, not moving any closer to me. I ached
to hold him close but for some reason he kept his distance. He
tilted his head to the side slightly and looked me right in the eyes.
"So what's wrong with that Zack?"
I was thunderstruck by his statement and it hurt me...it hurt a
lot. There existed the possibility of my son, my precious, beautiful
young Gabe, was having a...a...a...well, he was having something to
do with an older man. A man! An older man! An adult! Jesus!
I tried to calm myself by breathing deeply and concentrating on
staring at nothing. Well, maybe I was reading more into their
furtive looks and their obvious affection than really existed. I
knew nothing for sure, but the possibility of something made me very
uneasy.and more than a little upset. And Christian did admit to
loving him very much. That much was for certain! And now Val asks
me what's wrong with that? The fucking audacity!
I looked at him and tried to give a reassuring smile. I shook
my head slightly. "I don't know, Val. I just don't know. I'm very
confused at this moment."
"Ya know,Zack, if Gabe and Chris love each other...and I'm not
saying they do...but if they love each other...then...I mean, like if
they really, really love each other...then, well...well it'd be like
you and me, won't it?"
I sat up suddenly. I couldn't believe what Val has just said.
"If they really, really love each other..." The words reverberated
in my brain. "If they really, really love each other..." Did he say
this? Did Val have the temerity to say this to me? "If they really,
really love each other..." Val looked back at me with a surprisingly
piercing look. I knew he believed what he had just said to be true.
Why shouldn't he?
I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around
them. I buried my head between my knees. Screw it all!
I felt Val get off the bed; I looked up as he walked across the
room and sat down on one of the chairs. He slowly removed his
prostheses and set them on a nearby table. He rolled down his stump
socks and laid them over his arms. I found his doing this to be
extremely seductive. He knew how extremely erotic I found his stumps
and how I loved watching every move he made. Was he trying to get my
mind off the current subject?
He walked back to the bed and climbed on. Again, he knelt,
squatting down on his haunches. I could not take my eyes off of his
lovely face and body but for some reason he was still holding himself
apart from me, not letting me touch him and not touching me. My
feeling of physical isolation mimicked my sense of mental foreboding.
"Don't be angry, Zack. Ya know what I mean, don't ya?" I
whispered an affirmative. "If there's something between...something,
ya know, between Gabe and Chris, then...ya know, like there is between
me and you...like how much we love and admire each other...and like
how much we love being with each other...then we gotta...gotta be
happy for `em. Right?"
I nodded my head slowly. The depths of understanding within
this child - this ten-year-old boy who had experienced such tragedy
in his brief life - were a constant source of wonderment and delight
to me. He had voiced his feelings - something I had been unwilling
to do...something I did not want to face.
He crept a little closer to me. I was still in a sitting
position with my legs pulled up and my arms wrapped around them. He
moved one arm until it was slowly stroking my nearest calf. He
continued stroking me very lightly and slowly moved his arm nub until
he was softly rubbing my thigh. I felt myself becoming aroused at
his comforting attention.
"Zack, can I say something...one more thing?" I nodded.
"Well, I was thinkin'. Well, we don't know anythin' for sure.
Do we?" I shook my head. "So what are we worryin' about?
Until we know for sure, there's no use us worryin' about anythin'
wit' Gabe and Chris. Right?"
I turned slowly and took my precious Val into my arms. His
logic was unassailable. He looked at the situation with a
dispassionate, outsider point of view. Which was the right and
proper thing to do.at this time. At this time - until all the facts
were in.
I wrapped my arms around him tightly and just held him as
closely as I could to my body. Val was a true companion and a
wonderful lover. He could ease my feverish thinking and make me calm
once more. He was the perfect friend. What more could one person
desire of another?
----------------------------------
When I awoke the next morning, Val was not in bed. I assumed he
was in the sitting room watching television, so I casually went into
the bathroom to complete my morning rituals. When I returned, I
walked into the sitting room, and was shaken when I realized that he
wasn't there either. Now I began to get more than a little panicky.
"Where could he have gone? And why? Why would he leave the suite
like this? Without telling me? This kind of behavior was totally
unlike Val!"
I picked up the phone and called the front desk.
"This is Zack Greene in room 2101. Have you seen a young black
boy with...er...he has no hands but...but has metal hooks instead of
his...uh...hands...and...and..."
"Yes sir. Absolutely. He's having breakfast in the dinin room
right now with Mr. deYoung and another young gentleman."
"Thank you very much," I said meekly and hung up.
Val's having breakfast with Gabe and Christian? Why? How? I
don't remember setting up a date with them for this morning. How did
he know? How did leave the room without waking me?
I got dressed very quickly and headed for the lobby and dining
room, and, sure enough, there was Gabe, Val and Christian sitting at
a center table eating and laughing and seeming to be having a grand
old time.
"Well, good morning," Christian said when he saw me approaching
the table.
"Hi dad," Gabe piped in, while Val, his mouth full of eggs and
toast, didn't say anything.
I just looked from one to the other. I knew I had to keep my
temper in check, otherwise I was sure that I would say something
nasty and risk alienating both Gabe and Val. But I was raging on the
inside while they seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely. It was
like they were goading me with their every action. Enjoying
themselves...eating breakfast together...bullshit!
"Sit down and have some breakfast," Christian said. "We have a
slight head start." A waiter came over at that instant and prepared
a place setting for me and poured a cup of coffee. I took a sip.
Somehow, coffee always tastes best in Seattle; I don't know why, but
it just does.
Finally, my raging temper cooling slightly, I turned to Val.
"So, how did know to come down here for breakfast with Christian and
Gabe?"
"Oh. That. Well, Chris called the room this mornin' and I
answered the phone. He said he was in the lobby and would we like t'
join him and Gabe for breakfast. I said ya were still sleepin' and
he said t' come down by myself. So I did."
I just stared at him. He was so glib with that answer that it
was really beginning to annoy me. "Then why didn't you leave me a
note and tell me where you were going?"
"I did!"
"No you didn't! I found nothing in the room."
He looked at Gabe and Christian. I glanced at them too. They
both seemed to be looking at their food, concentrating on eating and
pretending that this conversation was not taking place. When he
looked back at me, I could see the anger in his face. He was
desperately trying to stay as calm as possible and not blurt out
something he would regret later. I had never seen Val this way
before. I could literally feel the intensity of the anger building
within him. He began to quiver.
"I did, damn it!"
"No you didn't!" I exclaimed, my voice getting louder than I
wanted.
"I did! I did! Didn't you see the message light was on? I
left you a phone message!"
Oh Christ! Oh Jesus H. Christ! The message light. It was on!
Oh, shit! Oh fucking shit! I have screwed up royally!
I opened my mouth - and nothing came out. I stared open mouthed
at Val. He stared back. Then he dropped the utensil he was using
onto the plate in front of him - and held up his right hook. The
tears were running down his face. He stood and leaned across the
table. He waved his hook in front of my face, about three inches
from my nose. "It's a little hard writing with this," he sobbed with
great bitterness in his voice. "I thought it would be easier for
both of us if I just left you a voice message."
With that said, he pushed back his chair violently, enough to
topple it over, and went running from the dining room. I sat there -
stunned, completely humiliated and totally ashamed of my actions...and
of myself. I behaved like a fucking asshole - and everyone within
earshot knew it.
And I just sat there. I sat there as if in a catatonic state.
I knew that Gabe and Christian were both staring at me - and I didn't
give a shit! Still I didn't move. My brain was in a whirl of
conflicting emotions and compounded by profound inactivity and
inertia.
It was the first time Val and I had had angry words - the very
first time we had ever disagreed about anything. I didn't know what
to do! This was a totally new experience for me, and I just knew
that I was unable to face something this catastrophic this early in
my day. I had humiliated him in front of his closest friend...and...and
a stranger.
"Aren't ya gonna do anything, dad?" Gabe's high pitched voice
snapped me out of my deep thoughts. I stared blankly at him.
"Well?'
I nodded my head. "Yeah, I'll do something." But what? What
could I do to take away the hurt I had inflicted on my Val? "Yeah,
I'll do something," I repeated mindlessly.
I rose slowly and walked out of the dining room and through the
lobby. I was still dazed and really didn't know where I was going or
what I would do when I got there. I did realize that Val was not in
the lobby, so I headed for the elevators. I pressed the button when
I heard the concierge calling my name.
I turned to him; he must have been shocked by the tears
streaking my face because he stared at me for a few seconds before
speaking. "Dr. Greene, are you looking for the...the young man
with...um...with the, you know, with the artificial arms...the hooks?"
"Yes, I am. Did you see where he went?"
"Yes, sir. He left. He came out of the dining room, sir, and
then...then he left.
"Left? W-w-what do you mean left?"
"Well, what I mean is he walked out the front door."
I brought both my hands to the top of my head. I started
pulling on my hair and started crying again. Christ! As I looked
up, I saw Gabe and Christian coming from the dining room and rushing
toward me.
"He's left," I sobbed.
"Left? What do ya mean, dad?"
"Left! Left! Don't you know what that means? He walked out of
the hotel. He upped and walked out of the goddamned place! He's on
the streets somewhere. Christ! He's on the streets!" I began to
sob harder and felt myself coming unstrung. Shit! "What have I
done? What have I done to him...t-t-to Val and...and to m-me?"
----------------------------------
Christian prevailed on me to take a hot shower before going out
to look for Val. I was extremely tense and he thought the shower
would calm me down some. He was right...and he was also wrong.
The shower did calm me down physically - I felt my muscles relax
and the knot in my neck eased. However, emotionally it made me quite
distressed. I had time to think about Val, our wonderful times
together and how I had turned nasty and vindictive because I was
upset about a possible connection between Gabe and Christian - and
because he had defended them. Why had I reacted this way? Why was I
falling back on bad old habits and predictable reactions?
I was quite dejected - not because Val had run away but because
of my horrendous and wrong-headed attitude and behavior. I had hoped
that my relationship with Val - this new and wonderfully fulfilling
bonding with a marvelous, understanding boy - would lead me to a new
and better way of living and thinking and acting. But it seemed that
with the first severe test, I failed. I flunked miserably and
outright - and with a big, loud thud. I was beginning to relive the
problems of the past - the ones I had thought had been exorcised and
finally laid to rest.
Gabe and Christian had formed a small search party, trying to
find Val in the event that he was still in the immediate vicinity.
The police had not been notified - yet. This was the way I wanted it
and it was opposite of what Christian wanted. I was uncomfortable
with the notion of the police of a large city trying to round up a
small black boy on the run - one who might be frightened and feel
alone and abandoned by someone he thought loved him very much.
I was drying myself and preparing to dress when the phone rang.
"Dr. Green? This is Charles at the Concierge Desk. The young
man is here now."
"What?"
"I said the young man, Val, is down here in the lobby right
now."
"I'll be right down."
I slammed the phone down, dressed hurriedly and bolted out the
door.
When the elevator reached the lobby, I practically ran out,
almost crippling a young man standing in front of the doors. I
walked quickly over to the concierge desk. Charles point to a nearby
couch - and there was Val. I began to cry when I saw him. He looked
so gorgeous - sitting there with his head down and his hooks held
together on his lap. And he looked so forlorn. God he was so
beautiful - and so incredibly lovable!
I kneeled down on the carpet in front of him. He lifted his
head and looked at me. His expression was blank - he did not smile
nor did he grimace. I moved slightly to put my arms around him and
he moved away from me.
I was perplexed and upset at Val's actions - and yes, I was
angered. He obviously didn't want me to hold him. "What the hell is
he telling me? He's refusing my love and attention? He's rejecting
all that I mean to him...and that he means to me?"
"What's wrong Val?" I asked in as calm a voice as I could
muster.
He shrugged his answer.
"Val, please tell me. Talk to me. Please!"
He looked directly at me, without lifting his head; his eyes
were burning into me. "I wanna go t' the room."
"Okay, we can do that if you want."
He spoke slowly and quite loudly while shaking his head. "No!
I said I wanna go to the room - by myself, not with you."
This was something new. He wanted to go off to the room by
himself - without me. What was he going to do - sulk? Crawl into
his little shell and let this situation fester? Lick his wounds?
What wounds? I thought I was rather restrained in my comments and my
actions.
Okay! Let him be alone if that's what he wants. The kid's
entitled. "Okay, Val. You may go to the room by yourself." I
reached into my pocket, pulled out the access card key and handed it
to him. He walked to the elevator very slowly. I watched him get in
and the doors close.
I phoned Christian to let him know the bolter had returned. He
said he and Gabe would be doing some marketing and then go out to the
boat. He gave me very specific, detailed directions. Christ! This
guy was really anal!
I went to see my attorney. I apologized for being early but told
him that circumstances necessitated it. I set forth, in th minutest
detail, everything I wanted and needed in the agreement between Mary
Anne and me. I was rather emphatic about my demands and he made
notes about all of them despite giving me some nasty looks. I was
demanding complete and total control of Gabe's life - everything from
living conditions to schooling to his life after he reaches his
majority.
"Are you sure you need to be so specific and so...well, so
fucking controlling?"
"Yes! I'm positive! She will try to wheedle and worm her way
around anything and try to thwart my efforts. I know it! And I am not
controlling!"
"Then my opinion is to make things more general; that way it can
cover even unforeseen contingencies. Why be the bad guy in this
situation? Show some compassion...some understanding of her feelings
and needs."
"Why? Why should I? She's been in absolute control of his life
for the last five years. Why shouldn't I have that same power."
Sam shrugged. "Because it will make you look like a vindictive
shit, that's why. Come on, Zack. Think about this situation. You
don't want to alienate anyone, particularly the boy. Think of it.
Maybe, some day, you'll want to marry again and have more kids
and...who knows? My advice is to keep things as steady as possible
and to make the minimum amount of waves and demands. Particularly
demands. Okay?"
I thought about this for a minute or so and grudgingly gave my
consent. I wasn't fully convinced by Sam's argument but I realized
that he was the lawyer so I went along.
We discussed Val and my assumption of his guardianship. My
enthusiasm was at an all time low considering what had happened this
morning. But thinking back to our times together and the wonderful
trip up from San Francisco, I got that warm, loving feeling about my
precious Val all over again.
Before I left his room, Sam said he would be speaking to Mary
Anne's lawyer this afternoon and would be filing the papers for Val
when he returned to the Bay Area. He had already spoken to Elise's
attorney. He told me to be available tomorrow for possible signing
of some of the agreements.
As I stepped out of his room, I could not decide whether to go
back to the suite or not. I knew the confrontation with Val would
need to happen, but I didn't know if I wanted it to happen right
away. I walked slowly to the elevators. "He's going to file the
papers for Val when he returns to the Bay Area," I remembered. Shit!
Fucking shit! What have I done? Have I ruined everything? Have I
ruined the most promising chance for lasting happiness that I've
encountered in such a long time?
----------------------------------
Val was stretched out on a loveseat in the sitting room watching
some mindless cartoon program. Sorry, I'm judging again without
knowing all the facts. That's what got me into my present
predicament.
I sat down opposite, looking directly at him. His eyes did not
stray from the television screen. We sat this way for maybe five
minutes.
Finally, I could no longer take any more of this silent
treatment and being ignored. I spoke slowly and deliberately, trying
to sound calm and reassuring.
"Can we talk about what happened this morning Val...and my
terrible behavior?"
He immediately turned off the set, sat up straight and faced me.
He did not say a word, but his silence was most eloquent.
"I'm sorry about what happened this morning, Val. I really am
truly sorry." Still he did not say a word. The expression on his
face did not change. He just continued to stare at me.
"Val, did you hear me? I'm very, very sorry about the incident
this morning. I don't know how else to say it...except that it'll
never happen again."
"Yeah. Then what about yesterday? Are you very and truly sorry
about that too?"
"Yesterday? What about yesterday?" I shook my head. "I don't
understand what you're talking about."
"Yesterday...yesterday...when ya told Gabe and Chris that ya won't
be able t' take care of the both of us together - Gabe and me. That
`other arrangements'll have t' be made for `poor crippled Val.'
Did ya mean that or not?" Val leaned forward, resting his forearms
on his thighs. He was becoming more animated and his voice was
rising in pitch and getting much louder. "Well?"
I was embarrassed beyond belief. I suspected Val had heard that
conversation but was not sure. Now I knew, and I was humiliated.
"Well?" he practically shouted.
I shook my head and looked at the floor. "I...I...d-don't know what
to say, Val." And I truly didn't. Anything I said would undoubtedly
get me into deeper difficulties.
"I'm sure ya don't." He stood up and began walking to the
bedroom. Then he turned and walked to me until he was standing right
in front. His face seemed so calm.almost serene. There was no overt
anger showing, just an overpowering sense of resignation and
resolution. "I wanna go home...t' my momma. And then t' Santa Barbara
and live wit' auntie and uncle."
I looked at him. All I could think of was: "You really did it
this time! You fucked up royally, Zack Greene! Oh Christ! You've
lost him!"
His look was slicing into me - I had never seen such withering
intensity. He had difficulty speaking. "I think ya don't love me as
much as ya say ya do, Zack. I think ya love all the good sex we
have...and I think ya love playing with my arm stumps...and wit' my
body...but...but ya don't really love me. Ya don't think of me as a
person and as...as someone ya...ya can think a lot of and like. Ya think
of me as a little nothing, a cripple kid who gives ya good sex...and
that's all."
"That's not true, sweetheart. Val, that's completely not true
at all. I do love you...I do love you very, very much. You are so, so
important to me, honey." I moved forward, hoping to be able to
embrace him. He swiftly moved back.
Val was shaking his head.
"Why are you saying no, Valery! Why?"
"'Cause I feel ya don't really love me. Ya only say it when we
have sex together or holdin' each other. Then ya treat me special
`cause ya wanna have sex wit' me. I mean I like the sex too very
much, but." He shook his head again. "No! I think ya don't love me
and...and yesterday proves it."
I was feeling very much alone and adrift on an ocean of despair.
"I don't know what to say, Val. I'm at a loss." I took a deep
breath and let it out slowly. "All I can say is that I do love
you...love you very much...and want only the very best for you...and
for us."
He shook his head. "Then ya got a real strange way of showin'
it Zack." He walked to the bedroom. "Like I said, I wanna go back
t' my momma. I know where I am wit' her." He softly closed the door.
I slumped back on the chair and stared at the ceiling. My
vision was blurry and I closed my eyes against the intense pain.
The Multi-Part Conclusion - Next in Chapter 12