Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2011 18:11:35 -0800 From: juilian james <juniorj009@gmail.com> Subject: what makes a family chapter 8/gay relationships/gay interracial WHAT MAKES A FAMILY BY: Julien This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY! This will be a short mini series of sort. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks. J. James "So when are you both gonna stop the bull and work it out?" Her question caught me off guard but I should not have been surprised in the least. She had always been a feisty one for as long as I had known her, a constant bone of contention between her and her son. "You know you should be resting Anna. The doctor said...." She waved her hand as if to dismiss my words, right before she hissed her teeth, "I don't give a damn what these doctors say James. They're being paid to tell you all bullshit. That's what I think. Now stop trying to dodge the question. When are you and my boneheaded son getting back together?" I let out a sigh ÐI honestly did not know how to answer this woman. Over the past thirteen years, she had become more than a mother in law. In some ways, she was more like my own mother. She celebrated with us when we made it past our tenth year as a couple and she cursed me out when she found out that we had broken up and that I had moved out. To her, I was more than Neil's partner, I was the other son that she had hoped to have but never did. "Anna, I don't think now is the time for us to discuss this. You know what the doctor said. You can't stress yourself out and..." "And this old lady has been through more stress in her lifetime than you could imagine. I gave birth to a still born child, I watched my husband rot away from prostate cancer, and I watched my only son lose his role model in life and you think a little conversation about the future of my son and grandchild is going to stress me out? Please James, give this ole broad some credit. I'm not as sensitive as my son so don't feel as if you can bullshit me. I asked you a question and I want an answer." I took a deep breath and tried to phrase my words carefully. "Anna....you know the situation. Neil and I, we....we're not gonna get back together. I know it's not what you wanna hear but it's the way things are. Sometimes people, relationships change, and Neil and I, well, we're two different people going in two different directions." "So you're saying that my grandson's happiness is not worth the hassle? That what you telling me James? Because that's what I'm hearing. I mean I just don't get it. How can two grown men with everything to live and love for just fall out of love? You used to love my son didn't you?" I took a deep breath before responding, "Of course I did. And on some level.....I guess I still do but...it's hard to explain and I wouldn't expect you to understand. I mean you and Neil's dad had the perfect marriage." She looked up at me as I had grown another head before she burst into a fit of laughter, with a mocking undertone. "Perfect marriage? Really? You obviously think you know more about me than you actually do James because Frank was a lot of things but perfect was not one of them, and for the record, neither was our marriage. In fact, it took a lot of effort on my part to keep things going. I guess Neil hasn't shared some of the finer points of our Ôperfect marriage with you, has he". I didn't think she expected a response so I didn't offer one. Instead, I looked at my watch and made what I hoped was a pleading look before I announced that I had to head into work. She looked up at me with a knowing smile and shook her head. "I'll let you off the hook for now James, but I want you to think about what I said. No matter what has happened in the past between you and Neil, David is what's important. He's hurting and it kills me that you're both not trying to fix it. And if you have even an ounce of love left for my son, then that's all you need to give this thing a try." And that was that. She closed her eyes and turned her head to the other side and away from me. And I couldn't help but find some sick sense of humor in the whole situation. I mean here was this seventy something woman with a broken leg and arm, laying up in a hospital bed, having just had surgery two days prior, schooling me on my relationship. I mean, who would have thought it. And right then and there, my respect for her had increased ten fold. It wasn't often in a split that the in laws remained neutral but she had. Even though she knew that I had walked out on her son and grandchild. Even though she knew that my actions had caused her son and grandson immense pain. Even knowing all of this, she never once distanced herself from me, leading me to believe that she obviously saw some virtue in me that I did not see in myself. Not that I had a self-esteem issue or anything, no, that wasn't it. But I did see myself as the bad guy. The one that drove Neil to have an emotional breakdown, the one that pushed David over the edge, leading to his increased acting out in school in the months following the breakup. I blamed myself for all that shit and despite Neil and I coming to some form of truce, for David's sake, I still blamed myself and I probably would continue to do so for the foreseeable future. David It was strange sitting at our kitchen table with both of them. I mean, they were talking to each other normal and shit but still, this was blowing my mind. I was trying to not read too much into it but it was hard. Hard to not wish for more, see more, hope for more. My dad's question jarred me from my train of thought and I turned to look into his eyes. They were weary and worrisome, probably because of the situation with grandma but I was sure that having James sitting across from him didn't help matters either. "So we have a decision to make David. I can't be too far away from grandma so we can either put together a little something at the apartment or you can invite two friends with you to the cabin and James will go with you. I know you were hoping to be able to invite a bunch of people but with everything going on...well, you know the situation." And to say I was more than disappointed was an understatement. I was going to be seventeen and inviting my friends over to my cramped ass apartment was just not gonna cut it. I mean, when I was ten, that was kinda fun, the sleep over Ð pizza and cake thing but geez, kids my age were renting halls and inviting upwards of 100 people. But I didn't say any of that to my dad. I didn't want him to start getting frazzled and start spazing out so instead, I plastered a strained smile on my face before responding, "Well can we rent someplace in the city then? The apartment won't hold all my friends and I already told a bunch of people I was gonna invite them." And even though that was a white lie, I was hoping it would be enough to get my dad to change the venue as there was no way in hell I would invite my friends over to my apartment for my 17th birthday....how lame! "David, we are not renting a place in the city. Do you know how much that would cost? Rental fees, catering, entertainment. I mean, what's wrong with having it here?" I shook my head and bit my tongue, as my gut reaction was to give him major attitude. Knowing my dad though, I had to tread lightly or else this whole conversation would be over in a heartbeat. "Dad, come on. I'm 17, I'm a man. Cake, ice cream and pizza in the living room is not gonna fly with my friends." "Then why not go to the cabin with two of your friends. You guys had a good time last year." "Me and two guys, yeah, fun, come on dad, work with me." I stated, unable to prevent my eyes from rolling, something that elicited a hearty laugh from James. "Give your dad a break David. You know the situation with money and everything. And besides, your birthday is this coming Saturday, we would never get a rental at this late stage." "Well what about uncle Matt's condo. I'm sure if you asked he would let me have my party there. Please Dad. I'll do extra chores, I won't ask for gifts, I'll work overtime and help with the rent, please. I just want to be a normal teenager, for once." And I had to admit I was purposely laying on the guilt as thick as I could. I wanted this to be a party I would never forget. My last hurrah before graduation, before college, before I officially became a man. I looked over at James, trying to gauge his reaction but he had his game face on. My dad on the other hand had a look of annoyance, making me think instantly that maybe I had pushed the subject too far. "David, why don't you go hang out in your room for a sec. We'll call you out in twenty, ok? In fact, why don't you go order in a pie." James' request left no room for refusal so I mumbled an ok and stood up, about to walk in the direction in my room when my dad reached for my waist. "We're not saying no...yet, ok. Just give us a few minutes to discuss options, ok? I love you David" And to hear my father talk to me so tenderly, so unapologetically, I almost wanted to cry, but not in front of him and most definitely not in front of James. So I responded with an "I know" before leaning down to give him a half hug before straightening back up and heading in the direction of my room. Neil Watching my son walk off almost overwhelmed me to the point of tears. His resemblance to me was uncanny and for that, I was grateful. When he was younger, he had so much of his mothers' features, her pasty complexion, her gangly arms and legs, her eyes. And for a while, it had been hard not looking at David and seeing her. Seeing the way she had treated me. Seeing the way she had treated her son, dumping him at my mothers' house while I was at work, like he was a piece of discardable trash. For a while, my hate for her had translated into keeping a distance from David, but eventually, I grew up and realized that it wasn't David's fault that his mother was fucked up. It wasn't David's fault that he had more of her features than mine, growing up. It wasn't David's fault that we were in the predicament that we were in today. And it was that thinking that allowed me the strength to sit across James, like the grown up and parent that my son deserved to have. "I don't feel right asking Matt to use his condo, especially with the baby." I sighed, taking a chance and allowing my eyes to look across the table and meet James'stare. The fact that hs eyes were already trained on mine, as if her were waiting for this moment, did nothing to calm my already frazzled nerves. "I know what you mean. I think it's a lot to ask of anybody but at the same time, I don't think we should half ass it either. He's been looking forward to his birthday for months. And I mean he's really bounced back from where he was last year. His grades are up, he's doing extra curricula stuff, he has a steady job. Maybe if I took some money out of my Money Market account....." And before he could continue, I cut him off, "No James, don't do that. God knows you've scrimped and saved to put away that money for a rainy day." And believe me when I say I could say that with some authority as I had scrimped and saved right along with him. It had been our joint effort to put aside some money for a house as well as a little extra in case something were to happen to us. When we split, I had taken half of the money and left the other half in it for him to do as he saw fit. He sighed and ran his hand over his head. And watching that simple action brought back many memories for me. Memories of us taking showers together, him pinning me against the shower stall, smothering me with his body, his hands caressing my ass, my hands rubbing the top of his head. We had made love that way many times before...before the breakup...before the trouble with David started...before he decided that our relationship was not worth fighting for. Shit! I was doing it again. I wouldn't, couldn't allow myself to go down that road, not now, not ever. "Well we gotta figure something out by Saturday." He looked down at his watch and rose from the table. "I gotta early start tomorrow, backed up with cases. I'm gonna call around and see if I can get a reasonable price on a place. If not, then, I'll just go ahead and shell out the cash." And if sensing I would argue, he continued with, "Our son is only gonna turn 17 once". I stood as well, not quite sure what to do. The urge to reach out and hug him took me by surprise. I didn't think that after everything I had been through with him, I would be able to muster up anything but hate or indifference. But if I was being honest with myself, the hate that I had led myself into believing that I felt, was nothing more than misplaced anger. I mean how could I truly hate the man that had helped me raise my son. But I didn't hug him, I couldn't put myself through that. For in my mind, it was better to keep that emotional distance and feign indifference, than to actually show any semblence of actually giving a damn. "Well we'll be in touch. We still have 4 days left to make a decision. I really would prefer you not use that money but...it's up to you." And I left it at that. We were no longer together so it should not have been my concern what he did with his finances. I led the way to the front door and opened it, unsure of what else to do or say. His very presence in the home that we used to share had drained me emotionally and I wanted the night to just end. "Well, thanks for coming over, it meant a lot to David. We'll get something worked out." I stated, not quite meeting his eyes. "Yeah, well thanks for having me. I...I was hoping that sometime in the future we could..." But he never got to finish his sentence as the loud ringing of my cell phone broke him out of his train of thought and completely provided me with an out. And as much as I wanted to hear where his mind was at, another part of me was grateful that he was stopped cold because I was afraid of what he might have said. Putting the words Ôhoping' and Ôfuture' together in the same sentence only spelled false hope for me. And I had to keep emotionally detatached. I knew that once I was finally able to get that through my head, everything would be alright. "I gotta take this, but let me know if you get a deal. I'll keep looking on my end." I stated, already starting to inch the door closer to him. He placed his hands, which I only just noticed had been taping against his thigh, in his pockets and nodded his head. "Sure thing...tell David I'll give him a call later." And with that, he turned around and walked down the hallway, towards the buildings' elevator. And with a sigh of relief that I hadn't realized I had been holding in, I shut the door. James As I laid on my sofa, eyes staring at the decreped ceiling above my head, my mind wandered back to my evening. Being back in my old apartment brought up memories, both good and bad. I had some wonderful times with my family there and everything around me had been a not so gentle reminder of the life I used to live. The pencil markings that ran vertical on the wall just outside of the kitchen had been dubbed Ôthe beanstalk', as every year of David's growth spurt had been marked off in pencil. The patched sofa pillow with the black and white checkered pattern represented one of Neil's very mismatched home purchases that we just couldn't part with because it was the thing that had saved David's life when at five, he had climbed on top of our armoire and jumped, trying to be spiderman, the pillow, serving as his net. He had broken his arm but the doctor had told us that that ugly black and white checkered pattern sofa pillow was probably what prevented David from snapping his little neck. And lets not forget the sturdy dining room table, the one that we had spent a ridiculous amount of money to get because it was an Ôinvestment', especially with having a very active kid around. We had fucked seven ways to Sunday on, across, under, leaned up against, whatever positioning you can conjure up, we probably experimented with it, on that table. Of course, not all that glitters is gold. There were also things in that apartment that brought back bad memories for me. The dented wall near the kitchen pantry that incidentally also had scuff marks from where Neil had thrown a glass at me four years back when he thought that I had been flirting with a waiter at a restaurant where we had frequented. In the same incident, I had regrettable pinned him against that same wall, rather aggressively before using my fist to make the dent, at the time, imagining that it had been his face. We had both been shit face drunk and lucky for us, David's grandmother had agreed to watch David at her place. I would have been a liar if I had said that we had never acted irrationally after that. There had been plenty of instances of that, which was probably why we were in the predicament that we were in now. But you know what, what was done was done. And if I were to be really honest with myself, leaving was probably the best thing that I could have done for David and Neil. To me, it was only a matter of time before our arguments would have eventually turned physically violent, before one of us had seriously hurt the other, before the illusion of the happy family that David had built up in his head for years, started to crumble. What I did was for the best. But the funny thing about doing the right thing is that sometimes something so right can sometimes feel so fucking wrong. But looking over at the clock on the wall of my dingy apartment, I realized that it was close to midnight and I had to be in the office by 7:30. No time to go down memory lane...and besides, what would have been the fucking point. Neil had moved on. And maybe it was time I did the same. I feel as if i'm on a roll so i hope to have chapter 9 out before the end of February. Thanks again for all of you that have taken the time to write. It has definitely kept me motivated. Comments for this and other stories are encouraged and appreciated and I do reply to all emails. My new email address is juniorj009@gmail.com Thanks for reading. Other stories of mine include: BEGINNINGS December 3rd 2002 YO B Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/ INTERACIAL Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/ Jan 2 2003 to-sir-with-love/ Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/ MILITARY Dec 21 2002 the-recruiter/ RELATIONSHIPS Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/ Jun 6 2005 redemption/ BI RELATIONSHIPS Dec 20 2002 graduation-day/