Date: Mon, 7 Dec 2009 02:24:26 -0700
From: RL
Subject: Black Raspberry Pie and the Guilty Mind - Masturbation

It would be several years later before I thought about boys or girls. In
your life several things happen to you that you just can't
forget. Somewhere in the back of your mind it is there. It takes something
to jar that memory, and when it gets back, suddenly you realize that at
that instant, your life was changed.

Mine happened without warning, and today I was thinking of something had
had no resemblance to what I am about to tell you, but something triggered
in my head and then I knew. I knew what caused my life to be different. Of
course I did not know at the time something would be different about me,
yet now..

Like most boys growing up I touched myself without even thinking about
it. This usually happened when I was naked watching TV and probably a
thousand other places. I really cannot remember. I do remember my dad or
mom saying to stop what I was doing and pay attention to whatever I was
supposed to pay attention to. Not that I ever got a stiffy mind you, it was
the fact I was unknowingly touching myself.  They never did say it was
wrong and sometimes I would see my dad grin when my mother said it.

By the time I was ten we knew that I was going to be a short runt compared
to the other boys in my class. Actually it was probably compared to most
boys in the entire city. We lived in a city with four high schools,
countless middle schools and who knows how many grade schools.

Several times a week we would get at my grandparents house. Everyone
including my cousins thought my grandparents were rich. I knew better, but
they lived far away and didn't hear the things I heard. They were not poor,
but my grandmother, like my mother worked full time, my grandfather and my
father both worked full time, and my father worked another four hours a day
just to make ends meet.

However my grandmother was a great cook, and there was always dessert. At
ten years old you wiggle a lot. On that day I was at my top form, kicking
my grandfather's bad legs under the table without realizing it. Once he
said ouch my grandmother immediately told me to sit still and stop hurting
him. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt my grandfather. He was a big
prizefighting fan back in the days of black and white television and I sat
on his lap trying to get enthused about two big guys trying to kill each
other until I fell asleep.

I immediately stopped and began eating my food. Then without warning I had
to go to the bathroom. That was uncommon for me and my mom looked at me
like something was wrong. It was true, I did have to go, so I went in to
the bathroom thinking to the black raspberry cobbler for dessert. I could
smell it more than the pot roast with all the trimmings.

My objective was easy. Sit on that stool, do my business which only took a
minute and get back to the table. I sat on it and didn't think anything
about it until I looked down and saw that stiffy. I have never seen it do
that before, and still hadn't. I could however remember my dad telling
stories of how he lifted me above the bathtub to go because it was stiff. I
had just never actually seen it happen. On that day I had not seen it
happen either, it was just there.

Now I was confused about what to do. I knew as soon as I finished the back
end, the front end would pee all over my grandmother's bathroom. So knowing
I couldn't do that, I tried to push it down and it didn't work. If I
pressed harder it would have broke. So I sat there trying to will it to go
away. That didn't work either, now the time had come like it always does in
each of us so I decided if I put my hand over the top of that stiffy it
wouldn't go all over the room.

That was not a mistake however, but looking back it was not a funny thing
to happen either. As soon as I touched it I knew something was
different. It didn't have to go pee, it wanted me to rub it. I was in a
quandary. I wanted to go eat. That wiener did not want to cooperate. So I
tested it some more, and a few seconds later I had what I would call my
first dry orgasm.

Then I heard the knock at the door. "Are you alright in there?" I heard my
grandmother ask.

 I was shaking, I was tingling all over. Every part of me felt like pins
and I could hardly breathe. About that time my business decided to come out
and my grandmother, upon hearing the splash said, "Okay dear take your
time." Then she left.

I cleaned up and washed my hands and I looked down and it was still
sticking up touching my tummy. It would not go away and it was bouncing
like it was alive. I slowly pulled up my shorts and taking a deep guilty
breath, still shaking, went to join the family. I sat down at the table and
knew everyone had to know that I was being naughty in the bathroom, and
then I realized I was not hungry anymore. My stomach was in a knot. My tiny
member was stiff and throbbing in my shorts, and I was shaking like a leaf.

My father said, "Eat your dinner; that black raspberry pie is waiting for
you."

I managed to squeak out, "I am not hungry."

Then I was of course threatened with no dessert. That didn't matter,
because I would have thrown up no matter what I ate. Grandmother took pity
on me and told me to go lay down. Then told the others I looked pale and
needed to rest. My father wasn't happy about it, but complied anyway.

I laid on that couch thinking for the longest time about what had just
happened, and how soon I would go to hell for whatever it was that I was
ashamed about. What if the boys at school found out, what if..

For several weeks that was at the forefront of my brain. until the next
time.  I never got a piece of that pie either. I would have rather had the
pie.