Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2005 21:49:35 +0000
From: Frontrnrusa@netscape.net
Subject: Another Chance at Life

This is a work of fiction with an adult theme.  I hope you will take the
time to let me know your thoughts about the story; Frontrnrusa@netscape.net


Another Chance at Life
By: Holloway H.
Copyright: 2005 Holloway H.


My sandwich looked really good until I took the first bite and grit from
the sand ground into my teeth, I hate that sound in my head, there isn't
anywhere to get away from the sand.  At night I sit on my rack and run my
fingers through my short blonde hair and watch the sand fall out on my
cammies.  The guys in my platoon call me Pretty Boy my name is really
Matthew, Matt for short.  They call me pretty boy because they say I'm too
pretty to be a Marine.  I tell them to fuck off they're just jealous.
Actually they are a great bunch of guys and I'd die for any one of them.  I
love the Marines, I workout six days a week lifting weights and running.
At 5'10", I'm 155 pounds of solid muscle with blonde hair cut high and
tight and brown eyes, my skin has a natural tan to it.  I'm proud of the
way I look but I'm prouder of the way I look when I put on my Marine
uniform and serve my country.  I grew up in Texas, San Antonio to be exact.
I was about five when my mother left me at the Department of Children's
Services.  I remember her walking me inside and telling me to sit there
until someone came out to help me, she told me to give whoever came out the
letter she had written.  I did as she told me that was the last time I saw
her, I don't actually remember her anymore.  The boy's home was okay, there
were a lot of boys like me without parents.  Living in one of those places
makes you mean and heartless, I can remember an older boy pulling me from
the shower screaming, he slapped me until I shut up then he made me give
him a blow job after that it was everyday, I got to the place where I did
what I was told and shut the hell up.  When the boy that had forced me to
suck him left the home another boy took his place, at least until I was
strong enough to stand up for myself and then I found I did the same to
other boys.  The only difference was I didn't target the younger boys, I
targeted the older boys and it wasn't really that hard to get serviced a
couple of times a night, I found out that my looks made some boys want to
blow me and others that were thinking about it but were unsure well them I
helped make up their mind.  Living in the home made me realize a couple of
things about myself, not a fucking person in this world loved me, and I
felt it all the way to my soul and the second thing I learned was that even
though I got along with the guys in the home, I felt so fucking alone at
times I wanted to scream or blow my brains out anything to stop the empty
feeling I felt.  When I graduated I joined the Marines, my recruiter was in
the audience when I walked across the stage and got my diploma, he stood up
and clapped, he was the only person that was there.  I knew he was there
because I was a quota but it didn't matter someone was there.

	Boot camp was fantastic, I liked being busy twenty four seven and I
loved being tired, never having enough time to think about what I didn't
have only enough time to think about what I was told to learn and I did, I
learned it well.  Every week in boot camp was a new experience and each new
experience moved me closer to becoming a man and a part of something great,
a Marine.  The last week at Parris Island when I had my final uniform issue
was the proudest day of my life.  I stood in the mirror looking at myself
for hours it took every bit of will power I had not to get tears in my
eyes.  I had accomplished something so fucking fantastic, I was a day away
from being a member of the United States Marine Corps I was a Marine.
After graduation I was sent directly to Camp Pendleton to continue my
Marine training.  I had a lot more freedom as well as a bank account with
my own money there wasn't much that I wanted to buy besides I liked having
the money in the bank.  The first thing I bought after my second weekend at
Pendleton was a tattoo for my right arm, I had the Corp Insignia put on my
right shoulder and then at the last minute had the guy put a Devil Dog on
my left shoulder, those Germans knew better than to fuck with the Devil
Dogs in world war one or now.

	Since I'm still with the Expeditionary Force I'm not going to give
you too much information to track me down.  I'm 20 now, been a Marine for
almost three years, I've been promoted to Corporal and I just returned from
Iraq, actually I only spent three weeks in Iraq the majority of my time has
been spent in Afghanistan chasing after Osama is fucked when we catch him
Bin laden.  It was a bitch in Afghanistan there isn't as big a force as
there is in Iraq and besides our equipment wasn't the best, there were many
nights while we were in the mountains going from cave to cave that I froze
my ass off.  But I survived and made it back here to California, I'll be
stateside for six months then I'm rotating out of the world to Iraq.

	The first Saturday night back I caught the bus into town, I didn't
feel like hanging out with the guys drinking.  I walked along looking in
shops until it got dark then I stopped at Burger King and had a whopper and
fries.  I didn't feel like heading back to the barracks so I walked for a
while, that's when I met Ernie.  Actually he introduced himself.  He was
about 18, he just started talking to me telling me about him joining the
Marines and finding out his heart had a problem.  I liked him he was a
great kid he ended up asking me to come to his house and play video games.
I thought what the hell it would be fun.  As we walked to his house I told
him about me, he felt bad I didn't have a family.  As soon as we arrived at
his house I was pretty stunned he lived in a big ass house, as soon as we
walked in he introduced me to his parent's they seemed really nice and were
on their way out to eat dinner.

	Ernie took me upstairs to his room, it was nice and large, he
turned on a CD and his X-Box and we raced jet skis it was cool.  Ernie ran
downstairs and grabbed us a coke and some chips, I leaned back closing my
eyes while he was gone, I didn't realize how tired I was.  When he came
into the room, he saw me with my eyes closed and told me I could crash out
on his bed if I wanted I looked at him and smiled saying it was cool.  He
was looking through his CDs and I found myself looking at him, he was
really an awesome looking guy, great black hair, with almost perfect skin
and the most beautiful teeth, I found myself becoming excited and I quickly
changed what I was thinking about.  It was almost 11pm when I told Ernie I
had to leave he asked me to stay the weekend, I didn't really want to leave
and accepted.  We ended up stripping down to our underwear and lying beside
each other in the dark.  I felt Ernie turn on his side, he looked at me,
and began asking a million questions, I turned on my side in the dark
facing him and answered every one.  We fell asleep talking to each other.
I woke later than I had in years, it was almost 9am, Ernie was still
asleep, his head was only an inch from my chest I could feel his breath, I
looked down at him and without thinking I gently fixed his hair with my
fingers, my hard on was immediate, I moved my hand like I had been burned.
Ernie woke up a few minutes later and we jockeyed for position in the
bathroom, I wore a pair of his shorts and a T-shirt and we headed
downstairs.  His mother smiled as we came down the stairs, she fixed us
breakfast.  After we had eaten Ernie said we were going to the beach, his
father said for us to be careful.  I followed Ernie out to the garage he
had a black Jeep Sahara, I fell in love with it immediately he saw my face
and smiled asking if I liked it I said it was great.  He showed me how to
take the top down and soon we had the music blaring and the wind rushing by
us, we hadn't driven but a few miles when Ernie pulled off the side of the
road and asked if I would drive, I jumped at the chance.  He took his shirt
off as we changed seats, I pulled my shirt off and grabbed a red baseball
cap I saw in the backseat putting it on backwards, I saw the look Ernie
gave me and it made me feel really good inside.

	The beach was packed, we had the best time we played Frisbee with
several guys until we were exhausted then we wrestled in the water until my
hard on returned.  I knew that Ernie knew I had a hard on, he didn't say
anything and neither did I.  It was almost five when we headed back to his
house we looked like lobsters we were pretty red.  When we walked in his
parents had already gone out for the evening.  We jumped in the pool
together before heading upstairs to change.  Ernie called for a pizza, I
tried to pay but he refused to let me saying I was company.  While we were
waiting I told Ernie he was a great guy and probably the only friend I
actually had.  He looked directly in my eyes and said I was his best friend
and that I could always count on him.

	After pizza I felt exhausted and so did Ernie we didn't even play
video games we lay on the bed exhausted from the day.  I had put my arms
out and Ernie when he went to move laid his head on my arm, he said it was
comfortable and he wasn't moving, I didn't want him to so I didn't make a
real big fuss, just enough to keep from seeming like I was queer.  I could
feel his silky hair against my skin and my dick got hard, it was pressing
against the front of my pants and I knew if Ernie looked down he'd see I
was excited and he'd get curious about what was making me hot.  I would
never tell him he was making me hot.  After a while I heard Ernie's
breathing relax and knew he was asleep, he turned on his side and his hand
now rested on my stomach the feeling was too amazing.  I wanted to move and
wanted to be still I didn't know what to do, all I knew for sure was that I
was horny as hell and frustrated that I couldn't jerk off.  I found myself
playing with Ernie's hair and now my hard on was bigger and harder than it
had ever felt before.  Ernie moved his head so he was resting against my
chest.  I thought the hell with it and I began moving my fingers through
his hair, he never woke up and in about three minutes I came in my
underwear without touching myself and fell asleep exhausted.  Ernie was
sound asleep when I woke, I watched him sleep he was beautiful, I thought
to myself if guys think I'm a pretty boy wait till they see Ernie.  My
daydreaming caught me off guard Ernie had moved his head and was leaning
against his hand looking at me, "that must have been one hell of a day
dream."

	I smiled at him, "trust me it was."

	Ernie laughed, "you want to go to church with me?"

	I was quick to reply, "Yeah but you'll have to give me a lift to
base to change."

	He grabbed my hand and shook, "deal."

	Within a half an hour we were on base headed to the barracks.
Ernie followed me to my rack, I grabbed my uniform and ran to the head
where I showered and shaved in record time returning dressed, I saw a look
cross Ernie's face I wasn't sure what the look meant but it made me feel
good inside.  We were back in the jeep and at the church within 20 minutes.
Ernie stuck to me like glue and we were soon sandwiched in between his
parents one on either side of us.  Ernie's father put his hand on my
shoulder before services began and told me how proud he was.  I shook his
hand and thanked him.  Ernie looked at me and smiled.  The entire day went
so quickly by 9:30pm Ernie had dropped me off in front of the barracks
asking me if I wanted to call him, I jumped at the chance, we exchanged
numbers promising to do something during the week if time allowed.

	I woke with first light and lay in my rack thinking about Ernie, he
was a great guy and it made me happy to have a friend at last.  Monday
night I started to call Ernie but thought better of it, it was almost 10pm
and I hadn't heard from him so I called he answered on the first ring,
"Matthew."

	"Hi Ernie" I replied,

	"I was hoping you would call I didn't know how busy you were so I
waited for you to call."  I smiled at his words.

	We began talking about anything and everything it was soon 12:30am
and time to hit my rack, I said goodnight, Ernie told me he really liked
that we were friends, I agreed with him completely.

	Wednesday after work Ernie picked me up in the Jeep we were going
to the movies.  As he pulled off base we started heading back to his house,
I looked over at him and he smiled, "be patient."  He made me laugh.  As we
pulled up in his driveway I saw his parent's were still home.  When we
walked in dinner was just being put on the table and we sat down and ate.
Ernie's parents were really nice to me asking me about everything and
myself.  I thought they were going to say that I was too old to be Ernie's
friend instead they told me I was welcome at their house anytime.  After
dinner Ernie and I went up to his room, he made me stop outside his door,
he told me to close his eyes he had a surprise.  I let him lead me in this
room, the light was off, I heard him pickup something and then a click.  He
told me to open my eyes he had a wide screen television on his wall.

	He smiled at me, "like it."

	I put my arm around his neck and held him in a headlock for a
moment, "it is great."

	I let him go quickly, I began finding myself getting physically and
now mentally excited whenever I was around Ernie.  We watched two movies
and Ernie ended up taking me back to base once he had a promise that I
would spend the weekend.  Ernie and I spent all of our free time together,
if I had duty on base Ernie brought me something to eat telling the guys
that he was my brother, everyone liked him which meant a lot to me.  I even
heard one guy tell someone damn the whole family is full of pretty boys.  I
smiled secretly to myself.  Ernie and I had been friends almost five months
when I received word that I'd be shipping out at the end of September.
When I got off work that day I called Ernie and asked him to come pick me
up.  He was here in 20 minutes.  He knew something was wrong and didn't say
too much until we were in his room alone.  I sat on his bed across from him
and told him about my orders then I told him I really cared about him and
his family, that was something I had never had was anyone to care about.
He looked at me and said he understood and that I was his best friend in
the entire world, I could see his eyes glistening so we changed the
subject.  We sat up in his room until it was time for me to head back to
the barracks.  Ernie asked me to stay and said he'd take me back first
thing in the morning, he set his alarm so I'd be back in plenty of time.  I
stripped down to my boxers and crawled under the sheets.  Ernie turned the
light off and was soon beside me.  We lay there not talking I could feel
the tension and so could Ernie he finally broke the silence.

	"Matthew can I ask you a question without you thinking I'm
strange?"

	I nodded my head, "of course, ask."

	"Can I put my arms around you?"

	"Yeah, if you want to."

	Ernie put his arms around me my head resting on the side of his
chest I could feel his heart beating ninety to nothing.  He was breathing
heavy too.  His fingers moved gently over the skin on my shoulder where his
fingers rested.  I closed my eyes I had never felt like this I'm not sure
if I wanted to laugh with happiness or cry because it had taken all these
years for someone to hold me.  I was happy and closed my eyes.  I would
swear I had only slept twenty minutes when I felt Ernie wake me, I looked
over at the clock and we had an hour and a half to drive the twenty minutes
to base.  We lay there in silence finally I turned on my side.

	"Ernie would you be mad if I made you my beneficiary, I don't have
anyone else and if something were to happen it would make me feel better to
know that someone I cared a lot about got my insurance."

	"You care a lot about me?"  Ernie asked.

	"More than anyone in the world, you and your family are the
greatest, I've never been this happy."

	Ernie didn't answer my question he changed the subject, when he did
I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, I knew now that he didn't
feel the same way about me.  We dressed hurriedly and drove to base, Ernie
let me off at the barracks reminding me he'd be here to pick me up after
work.  I nodded my head then turned around and told him to call that I
might have duty, they were changing the schedules due to our pending
deployment.  He nodded his head looking at me I felt like he could see
something was wrong.  The day drug on forever, when five arrived, I was in
the shower.  One of the guys yelled for me saying I had a call, I yelled
back asking them to tell whoever it was I was in the shower and I'd call
them back.  By 6pm I called Ernie he picked up the phone before it
rang. "Hey, how was work."  Ernie asked.

	"Long day, how was school?"

	"The same.  Can you come over?"

	"Yeah, I'm not sure I'd be good company." I replied.

	"Matthew as long as we're in the same room, I don't care if we talk
or anything else, you're my best friend and I like being with you."

	"I'll be waiting out front."

	"See you in a few." I could hear Ernie messing with his keys in the
background.

	Ernie made it to base in record time I chewed his ass out for
speeding and told him how dangerous that was.  He looked at me unsure if he
should smile or not.  I ended up laughing but only after he promised to
drive within the speed limit from now on.  We walked in his house and his
parent's were waiting for us with dinner.  As soon as we sat down, Ernie's
dad looked over at me.

	"Matthew you've been a part of this family for almost half a year.
I know you and Ernie have developed a strong bond.  His mother and I have
too, we think of you as our son.  Ernie told me about you wanting to make
him your beneficiary which is fine as long as you promise his mother and me
on your honor that you'll always take care of yourself and come home safe?"

	I stared at Ernie's father then I looked at his mother and broke
down crying what a perfect Marine crying at the dining room table.  Ernie's
mother got up and walked around to where I was seated, she slowly put her
arms around me and whispered that it was all right to cry.  She held me
till I calmed down then she sat back down and we ate dinner.  When I was
leaving the table, Ernie's dad stood up and gave me a hug holding me tight
in his arms, he said I was like a son to him and he was very proud of
me. Then he kissed my forehead and told Ernie and me to go on upstairs.

	We ran upstairs to Ernie's room, we sat on his bed in the dark.  I
heard Ernie moving around and soon he had laid his head in my lap and was
talking to me asking me questions about my past.  I answered his questions
I never noticed that while we were talking my fingers moved in his hair.
He turned his head toward my stomach and gently kissed me.  I didn't move
out of fear I'd wake up and this would all be a dream.

	"Matthew, I'm going to be nineteen in a week and in four weeks you
will be 21.  What I'm trying to say to you is that I really care about you
and I worry about you all the time, do you mind?"

	I shook my head, 'no.'

	We lay there for a few more minutes before getting up and playing
video games I was still in turmoil over my feelings for Ernie.  He meant
everything to me and I knew I loved him and his family more than anything
in the world.

Over the next few days I made the additions to my SGLI adding Ernie and his
parents, for once I felt like I might have my own family.  Training was
becoming pretty hectic as the platoon got in all the mandatory training and
medical exams before heading overseas.  There were days at a time when I
didn't get a chance to see Ernie or his parents.  We would talk on the
phone and his mom and dad always got on for a few minutes and reminded me
how much I was missed and how proud they were.  On Ernie's birthday I
managed to get the day off, I went into town on the bus and got him a
really nice watch, two cards and a new XM radio for his Jeep.  It was
almost five when I finished in town and I called Ernie, he picked up right
away, I started singing Happy Birthday, he laughed.  I asked if I could
come over his voice became excited "definitely."

	He offered to come get me but I said I would be there in about 25
minutes.  I caught a Taxi to his house.  He ran outside when the taxi
pulled up he was all smiles and I felt like melting when I saw him.  He ran
up to me and we were soon in the house.  We went to see his parents, they
smiled then his mother stood up and hugged me as did his dad, it always
made me feel really important.  We had dinner, Ernie's parents brought out
a cake we sang Happy Birthday and Ernie blew out the candles, I kept asking
about his wish but he wouldn't tell me.  His parent's handed him a gift, I
watched his face as he tore off the colored paper, inside was a DVD
recorder.  I handed him the watch he loved it, when he opened the XM radio
he looked at me and I felt like he wanted to cry.  I gave him one of the
two cards, I had signed it your best friend, Matthew.  After having cake we
went upstairs I watched Ernie hook up his new DVD recorder.  He seemed
really happy.  He put a DVD in then sat next to me on the floor in front of
the bed, our shoulders touched.  I handed him another gift, he looked at
me, "Ernie if this makes you mad will you promise to tell me and try to
forgive me?"

	Ernie shook his head, "nothing you do could make me mad at you."

He tore open the gift inside was a set of my dog tags he looked at me I
could see his eyes glistening, then he read the card, I signed it, Love you
Matt.  Ernie's shoulders slumped I put my arms out and his head was on my
shoulder, I held him while he cried.  I kept whispering to him that I would
protect him and I didn't mean to upset him.  Through his tears he told me
he wasn't upset, that he was happier than he had ever been in his life.  I
held onto him for dear life, I needed him more than anything in the world.
I thought I could live without oxygen somehow, but a second with Ernie
would kill me.  I wiped Ernie's tears with my fingers I was looking at him
when he moved forward pulling me to him and we kissed for the first time.
It was awesome, my fingers moved through his hair and down the side of his
face, I felt electric.  Ernie told me he loved me in between kisses.  It
wasn't long before we lay beside each other, Ernie told me he wanted me I
nodded my head.  We undressed completely lying beside each other.  The
first time I felt Ernie's hands on me I cried out.  He kissed my neck and
made me swear that I would never touch or let another guy touch me.  I
nodded my head swearing.  Ernie and I kissed over and over then he moved
down my body, my fingers were grasping to feel every inch of his skin he
felt so wonderful.  When I felt his breath on my hard on I cried out that I
was going to cum right away.  Ernie took me in his mouth, I lost immediate
control, he gagged once then he began to moan and continued to make love to
me until I lay there exhausted.  I pulled Ernie up next to me and told him
never had I felt that way.  He kissed me and I could taste myself on his
lips.  As I started to move down his body he pulled me back up beside him.

"Matthew you don't have to do that to me, I don't want you to get sick or
anything."

	I looked in his eyes, "I love you and your happiness means the
world to me."

Once more I moved down his body touching and tasting all of him the minute
I took him in my mouth, I came again, and after less than a minute, I felt
Ernie's heat erupt in my mouth, the thought that I was pleasing him drove
me onward and I quickly settled down and made him happy.  I could feel his
cock jump each time he ran his fingers through my hair this was the first
time as a man that I had had sex with a man.  Ernie lay in my arms
breathing hard his lips kissing my chest and my lips breathing in his scent
as I kissed the top of his head over and over.  Holding him in my arms made
me realize that there was something for me in this life and I knew at that
moment that Ernie was the most important part of my life.  Something about
Ernie made me feel safe and important, I had always wanted someone to hold
me, but at the same time I didn't want that person to think I was less a
man or a Marine, Ernie cared about me, I liked holding him and he liked
holding me we had what we both needed.  Our closeness made the next few
weeks very hard, as the time for my departure drew near so did my birthday.
Ernie had been secretive about his plans for my birthday, I told him all I
wanted was to be home with him.  He picked me up at five, I had just gotten
my haircut Ernie kept looking over at me.

"Matt, you're beautiful and I love you more than you'll ever know."

I looked at him, my eyes watered, "Ernie promise me you'll always let me
take care of you."

He smiled, "I promise as long as you promise the same."

We pulled up in front of his house and there were probably fifteen cars
parked out front I looked at Ernie he said his parent's were having a
dinner party.  I nodded my head and followed him inside as soon as he
opened the door the whole room erupted into a shout of surprise.  Ernie and
his parents were by my side in an instant, I felt my face smile, turn red,
become hot and at the same time my eyes filled with tears.  Ernie's mom
hugged me and said happy birthday, Ernie's dad held me in his arms the way
he always had and told me how proud he was of me and told me happy
birthday.  The people in the room were smiling and wishing me happy
birthday, I didn't know them but Ernie's parents soon had introduced me to
everyone.  After the introductions we went into the dining room, the table
was set up as a buffet, everyone served themselves, several people were
very interested in the Marines and I told them several stories and answered
questions, they always patted me on the shoulder and told me how proud they
were.  Ernie stuck beside me whenever I felt insecure I nudged him he did
the same.  After dinner, Ernie's dad got everyone's attention.

"Today is a special day, today is Matthew's 21 birthday, but it is more
important than just that."  Ernie's dad turned toward me, "Matthew, Ernie's
mother and I would like to adopt you, you would become our son, you would
have a family, a family that already loves you."

I looked in his face I wanted to fall to my knees and cry.  He saw my
predicament and was quick to pull me in his arms. "I would love to be your
son."

He kissed my forehead, "ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce to
you to my son, Matthew David Miller."

People clapped.  Ernie's mom hugged me kissing me on the cheek I held her
tight and whispered "thank you for loving me."

  Ernie came over and hugged me too, I told him he was the best person in
the world and I loved him. He looked at me his eyes were filled with tears
I shut up. A large cake was brought into the room and soon I had to try and
blow out all the candles that I did and made a wish.  My soon to be new
parent's handed me gifts that everyone had brought, they were really
beautiful gifts and I personally thanked everyone.  There were only two
gifts left on the table, a small one and medium sized one.  Ernie handed me
the medium sized gift, I opened it, inside was a very expensive diver's
watch, I looked at him and nodded my head.

Then his dad handed me the last gift, "Matthew this is from your family to
our son, we love you."

I looked at him my hands were shaking as he helped me open the box, inside
were a set of keys.  I looked at Ernie he smiled, we all walked to the
garage, parked next to Ernie's jeep was the same exact jeep on the front
was a tag that read, "United States Marine Corps."  I looked at everybody,
I could say anything I was dumbfounded, I was shaking.  My mom and dad
hugged me then ushered everyone back in the house, telling Ernie and me to
be careful.  Ernie helped me take the top down and I backed out of the
driveway.  I drove about a mile from the house before pulling over and
shutting off the engine.  I fell apart, I cried like I had never cried in
my life.  Ernie pulled me in his arms and told me over and over he loved
me.  When I had calmed down Ernie told me he wanted a coke, we drove to the
Minit market and got two cokes then rode around town talking and listening
to the radio, before heading home.  When we arrived everyone had left for
the evening.  We parked the Jeep and walked inside, Ernie's parents were
straightening up, Ernie and I helped.

Before Ernie's parents went upstairs I asked to talk to everyone.  I knew
that I was probably throwing my family away by telling them the truth but I
had to my honor wouldn't let me do anything else.  I told them that Ernie
and I had been friends and over time that had developed into more, I
apologized for taking advantage of their kindness.

Ernie's father looked at me, "Matthew you are the man I thought you were,
Ernie told his mother and me about the two of you, we always knew about
Ernie.  When you two became friends, his mother and I didn't have to worry
about anyone hurting him and over time we began to love you too, that's why
we want you to become our son too, we love you nothing else matters."

Through my tears I told them the entire story of my life growing up in the
home and everything.  Ernie's father held me gently and swore no one would
ever hurt me again and that the past was just that the past, I had a family
all my own.  Ernie's mom walked with Ernie and me upstairs telling me to
get some sleep and to be happy, they were.  She kissed me and I began to
cry again, I'd never felt this happy in my life.  Ernie helped me undress
then he held me in his arms I could feel his breath against my scalp his
fingers moved in my hair and he told me over and over he loved me.  The
clock went off at 4:30am, I slapped the alarm off and looked at Ernie he
was rubbing his eyes.

I kissed him, "I love you so much."

He kissed me and lay back down.  I smoothed his hair kissing him again he
fell asleep.  I showered, shaved and headed back to base in time to get
dressed and have chow.  All day long I thought about Ernie and his parent's
I was so happy it was hard to concentrate the Gunny chewed my ass out and I
explained it had been my birthday yesterday and that my family had thrown
me a party.  He nodded and said all right but just this once and he moved
on.

The adoption papers were nothing more than a formality since I was now 21 I
could make whatever decision I wanted.  The Judge ordered the adoption
after I signed the order and he ordered my name changed.  By the end of the
week, my uniforms had the name changed on them and I was officially a
miller with my own brother and parents.



Two weeks later on a Tuesday morning at 4:30am, Ernie got up and showered
with me.  Every time he looked at me he would sigh and I'd see the tears in
his eyes, I held him tight.

"No matter what happens two things you can count on, we'll always have each
other and I'll always love you."

Ernie's voice sounded afraid, "Matthew please swear you'll come home safe,
please."

I kissed Ernie's lips gently, "you have my word as someone that loves you
and as your brother."

Once I was dressed we went downstairs, my parent's were already dressed, we
drove as a family to base, they dropped me off at the airfield, I hugged
them all and told them I loved them before walking over to get in
formation.  I saw Ernie wave as they pulled off.



The minute the plane set down at the airport in Baghdad I felt the heat and
tasted the sand. Beads of perspiration broke out across my brow; I wiped my
eyes on my uniform to keep the sweat from dripping in my eyes.  We unloaded
the transport and stowed the majority of our gear before heading out to our
assigned quarters.  Shit, it looked like a 1920 Army tent had been thrown
together, I thought those fuckers are giving us the shit since we've just
arrived.  My buddies and me spent a couple hours, adjusting the tent and
rearranging the insides, it looked almost decent when we finished.  There
were 15 guys in the tent and I'd known them all a year or more.  We stowed
our personal stuff.  I cleaned my weapon completely before pulling out my
wallet and looking at a picture of Ernie and my parents, I had a reason to
go home now, my family.  The week passed pretty quickly, the platoon had
gone out on patrol already and surveyed the area we were all pretty quick
to point out potential problem spots.  At the end of the first month, I
received a package from home, Mom and dad had sent me tons of stuff so had
Ernie, I shared a lot of it with the other guys.  The first chance I had I
got on the Internet and emailed Ernie, I told him how much I loved and
missed him.  During mail call the next day I got another box from Ernie,
inside he had sent a small DVD player and a bunch of DVDs and batteries.
He had also enclosed five cards and a letter.  I put the cards and letter
inside my uniform and waited for some alone time.  After chow I picked out
a secluded spot near the motor pool that offered some shade.  I checked out
the ammo boxes before leaning back.  Those vicious little Iraqi snakes love
to hide in the crevices and bite the shit out of you.  You can get sick as
hell maybe even die.  Anyway, I sat down and read the first card, that
brought tears to my eyes, Ernie told me he was doing great at college and
missed me every minute of everyday.  He said the news made him a nervous
wreck.  He said mom and dad loved and missed me so much.  By the third card
I cried, in the fifth card he had enclosed a picture of him.  I held it
tight against my chest and cried like a baby, I wanted to hold him so
badly.  I calmed down placing the picture in my top uniform pocket before
opening the letter.  Ernie wrote me that once he graduated from Medical
School he was going to take care of me and that I would never have to be
alone or apart from him again.  He said he was so proud of me and that he
loved me more than anything in his life, he said I was so important to him.
He told me he would not and could not live without me if anything where to
happen, he told me that was not something we needed to discuss since he
knew I was coming home to him in another 10 months.

	I got mail from home almost everyday and I wrote home everyday, I
loved having a family.  Things were also becoming more of a pain in Iraq.
There was always some crazy blowing himself or other people up.  We had
been on early morning patrol when a roadside bomb blew up as our Humvee
passed.  The fucking car shredded from the explosion and I got hit in the
face with 20 or 30 small pieces of shrapnel, thank God nothing got in my
eyes.  One of my buddies saw me and yelled out for a corpsman, I told him I
was all right.  He made me sit back in the Humvee and got the corpsman.

The corpsman looked at my face "you got some bad cuts to your face buddy."

I told him I was all right.  He nodded and told me to stay where I was
until we got to the field hospital.  I spent the remainder of the night
having small pieces of metal removed and several areas stitched up, over
all I was thankful to be all right.  The doctor gave me some pain
medication and told me I wasn't going out on patrol for a week, he told me
to get my butt in my rack and get some sleep.  I went to the head before
going to my rack, I looked at my face in the mirror, I definitely wasn't a
pretty boy anymore, I looked like Doctor Frankenstein had tried putting me
together.  Actually the doctor at the field hospital told me my face would
heal perfectly and I wouldn't have any noticeable scars.

I called home using a phone card that Ernie had sent me he answered on the
first ring.  It took him a minute to calm down before I told him what
happened, I knew I shouldn't have he cried, but I promised him I was fine
and besides I would be off patrol for a week.  Over the next five minutes
he told me how much he loved and needed me, I started to sniffle and he put
mom on the phone, she was worried but I assured her I was fine.  Dad was
upset too, he said he'd been watching the news and he worried about me
night and day.  I told him I loved him and mom and missed them, he told me
was so proud of me he loved me too.  Soon as I got off the phone I took a
pain pill the anesthetic was wearing off and my face actually hurt.  I was
asleep before I even hit my rack.  I woke the following afternoon I drug
myself into the head and cleaned myself up then headed over for chow.  As I
was walking back to my tent a shell came in and landed about 9 yards
directly outside another tent, the tent went up like a fire storm and guys
came out yelling, their uniforms were on fire.  I went to help the guys and
realized I could barely breath the front of my uniform was covered with
blood.  I looked down at myself and my knees gave out and I was kneeling in
the sand, then I just fell backwards.  There was a corpsman beside me
within seconds I heard him screaming for medical assistance.  I remained
awake as the corpsman worked on me five guys lifted me and were almost
running carrying me to the field hospital.  I was put up on a table, the
nurse looking at me was yelling orders at everyone, I felt stick upon stick
in my arm, I wasn't scared, I was really interested in watching everyone I
couldn't talk but I could see what they were doing.  I watched the doctor
grab a pair of scissors and cut my shirt off, he and I both saw the piece
of shrapnel that went through my chest, when they turned me over I heard
the nurse gasp and say, it goes all the way through.  The doctor called in
a surgeon and over the next 35 minutes they worked to get me stabilized, I
was given several x-rays and then an MRI.  When all was said and done there
was nothing they could do here at the field hospital.  The metal was cut
away as much as possible, I was given a shot when I woke I was in a chopper
headed somewhere, one of the guys from my platoon was sitting beside me.

I opened my eyes he looked at me, "you're like a magnet for shrapnel."

I lifted my hand trying to punch him he pushed my hand down, "be still
Matt."

When he called me Matt I got scared, the guys always called me pretty boy

unless there was a serious problem I knew this was serious.  I asked him to
take the calling card from my pocket and call my parents, I told him I
didn't want to die alone.  He nodded his head.

	I was wheeled into the operating room as soon as I arrived.  Within
five minutes a doctor was putting a mask over my face and I fell asleep.
I'm not sure how long they operated or how long I was asleep, when I woke
almost three weeks had passed.  When I opened my eyes I was in a hospital
back in California, Ernie was sitting beside the bed as was Mom and Dad.
Mom cried when she saw my eyes open.  She quickly wiped my eyes with a damp
cloth, then bent down and kissed me.  Dad came around the bed, putting his
hand on my forehead, his voice cracked as he told me how scared he had
been.  Ernie sat beside me I heard him crying I managed to grab his hand
and told him I was fine.  He nodded his head, I looked at him, he meant the
world to me all my family did.

	Three months of physical therapy passed before I was able to return
to duty, right now they've got me sitting behind a desk at Pendleton, not
something I like.  I've already been informed that I'm going to be
medically retired, my chest suffered severe damage and if I were to take
another bullet or any damage to my chest it could be fatal.  Ernie sat with
me he knew I was upset and unsure what the future was to hold for me.  The
first words out of his mouth let me know I was going to be all right,
"Matthew you look just like Frankenstein with blond hair."  He giggled and
soon he had me laughing.  I grabbed him, he grabbed some of my stuff and I
followed him slowly to the jeep.  When we got home, he led me upstairs.  He
held me so gently in his arms and told me he loved me, I told him I loved
him too.  He slowly undressed me then he climbed into bed and pulled me in
his arms, I went right to sleep.

	I completed my AA degree this past may and I'm working on my BS in
Hospital Administration.  I've healed up nice, I can still run just that
when I push it past 8 miles I get out of breath, the doctor said my heart
will recover in time and that by me exercising I'm keeping it healthy.
Ernie is in medical school, he's doing great, it was really hard to keep
him motivated the last year and a half he wanted to stay home and take care
of me.  I told him he needed to work hard at school if he was going to take
care of us in the style to which we had become accustomed.  He laughed then
bent down and held me in his arms.  I love Ernie with all my life I'd die
for him in a minute just as I would have for any of my Marine brothers.
I'm glad to be home, I've been so busy that I don't have time to think
about not being an active duty Marine, instead of a Retired Marine.  It
doesn't really matter what branch I was in, Iraq has taken the lives of men
and women from the Marines, Army, Coast Guard and Navy.  Every one of them
as brave and honorable as the next, an American Military member is Semper
Fidelis and Semper Paratus (Always Faithful and Always Prepared).  God
Bless the United States of America.