Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2002 13:21:48 EST
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: the recruiter part 6

The Recruiter
By: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed and would be very much
appreciated.  ENJOY!

	"Did you hear?"  "What?  What's going on?"  "Where have you been
man?  The War.  We're getting ready to go to war!"  All day I had been
hearing a rumor here, a mutter there but I didn't believe that it would
actually come to pass. But if Shane was telling me, it had to be true,
after all he worked directly under our Commander.  "Is it official?"
"Yeah!  They're prepping the planes for take off at 0600.  "But they
haven't signaled the sirens yet..." and at that moment, the alarm sounded
and the Commanders' booming voice came over the loud speaking directing all
flight deck personnel to meet in the mess hall.  "There you go..." he said
looking up.  "Well I got to go but I'll meet you back here when we break
ok."  "Ok, let me know what happens."  "Will do." And I was off in the
direction of the mess hall.
	As I listened to the commander describe the situation I got a
feeling of dread deep in the pit of stomach.  The prospect of war had
crossed my mind very often but to have it actually declared just sent shock
waves throughout my body.  And as I tried desperately to listen to what was
being said, I couldn't help but think of my family back home.  According to
the commander, they already announced the move to strike to the media so
every branch of the military was being prepped.  "So ladies and gentlemen
we are at the heels of a war and you must all be strong.  No one wants this
but we must do what we have to keep our families and our friends safe.  We
are here to defend or freedoms and we will do our country proud!"  At this,
the cheering rose a notch.  "I'm glad to see the enthusiasm but I want you
all to take a moment to say the Lords prayer with me."  With that, silence
swept the room as he led our group into prayer.  He ended with an AMEN and
then dismissed us to our posts immediately.  Walking outside on the deck I
couldn't help but think about that first meeting with Marcel, the first
question he asked me: "Why do you want to join?"  And my response being
that of confusion.  Well I wasn't confused anymore.  I knew why I was here
and there was no turning back.
	The call that I placed to my father at midnight was one of the most
important calls of my life.  Who knew if we would speak again after this.
"Hello?"  "Daddy, it's me."  "Jesus Stephen, thank God it's you.  I heard
on the news that your ship is headed to War.  Is it true?"  I heard the
desperation in his voice, the fear that he felt that something would happen
to me so I tried my best to soften the blow.  "Yeah, it is but my ship is
not the only one.  We're supposed to be getting some help from two other
carriers."  When he sighed I knew his mind was still wary.  "It's gonna be
ok dad, believe me.  After all, I'm serving in the best military there is."
I heard him chuckle at the other end of the line and that put my mind at
ease a bit.  "But anyway dad I got to go, the other guys need to use the
phone..."  "I know Stephen."  He pause for a second then continued, "Please
take care of yourself ok.  Come back home safe, please.  I love you."  And
with a long line of hardcore sailors behind me I told my father that I
loved him.  The usual jarring that would accompany such public displays of
affection was not present as the seriousness of what we were about to do
set in.

SEVEN MONTHS LATER:
	After six months of intense prepping another carrier was replacing
us, we were going back home to San Diego.  I couldn't have been happier if
I had won the lottery.  For six months we had been on high alert readying
ourselves to be of assistance if we were called but at the last minute the
threat of war led Iraq to back down, for now.  The government was not
taking any chances so a Navy carrier was to be stationed at the border in
case the need arised.  At the news of our trip home, Shane came bursting
into my compartment and threw himself on me.  "This is the best fucking
Christmas present ever."  I knew the feeling and I was getting that feeling
so I threw him off, an action he didn't seem to mind.  "So what you gonna
do when we get back to shore?"  "I'm gonna go to New York!  What else.  My
babys' waiting for me."  And that look came over his face.  That same look
he got every time he talked about Christopher.  They had only been together
those seven days during fleet week but it seemed that they spent those days
well.  Already Shane had told me that the boy could fuck.  And of course
the phone calls that he was allowed to make went straight to New York.  I
had also seen the letters that had been exchanged back and forth between
the two of them and I knew that Shane had fallen hard for this Hispanic
Adonis.  He told me that when his stint was up in a few weeks he would be
moving to New York to be closer to Chris and to attend Columbia University.
And to say the least, all this talk about love and happiness had me feeling
like shit.  My heart was in ruins and here I was silently wishing that
Shane could be as miserable as I was so that we could both talk about men
being shit heads and so on but no matter how down in the dumps I was, I
wouldn't allow my misery to ruin Shane's' apparent happiness.  He must have
noticed the dejected look on my face as he stopped talking and took a seat
at the edge of my cot.  "I'm sorry Stephen.  Here I am going on and on like
an asshole when you're obviously still getting over..."  "Don't say his
name, please."  "I won't but Stephen I wish you would call him, at least to
clear your mind."  I turned to him, "And what good would that do?  What
could he possibly say to me to make me feel any better?  How about 'Stephen
it was a good fuck but all good things must come to an end and besides, my
wife doesn't appreciate the fact that I'm fucking a recruitee.'"  "You know
he wouldn't say that."  "No but he could say something almost as bad.  Just
drop it Shane.  I'm happy for you and Christopher, just don't try to help
me out on this one ok."  "Ok." He said rubbing my back gently.  "It'll get
better man." He said getting up and heading to his own cot.
	Being back home provided me the chance to just mellow out and relax
and to think about where my life was heading.  My stint was almost over and
I had nothing lined up to take its' place.  My dad was hoping that college
would be a viable option but I wasn't too sure.  I thought about
reenlisting but decided against it, after all, I don't know if I could
stand to be closeted for another four years.  Since coming back, my list of
'friends' and potential 'love interests' had amazingly increased as
everyone flocked to the hometown 'war hero'.  I didn't even have to as much
as pick up a gun and they were already spreading the propaganda of what I
had or in reality hadn't done.  "Everybody is so proud of you Stephen,
everybody including your mother."  At the mention of her name I seized up.
I knew that she had been staying here while I was gone because I could
smell her distinct smell, not a bad one but unique only to her.  I wasn't
about to come out of my face and curse my father as he had every right to
allow anyone to stay here that he chose, even her.  "I don't want to
discuss her."
	Well we have to talk about her Stephen, talk about what she did to
you, we have to resolve this before it's too late."  The look of confusion
on my face must have prompted him to continue, "She has cancer Stephen,
terminal brain cancer.  She's going to die and she wants to make amends."
I would have thought that prospect of her being dead and buried would bring
glee but all it managed to do was to make me cry.  My father pulled me into
a hug and gently rubbed my back.  "I know she hurt you Stephen, she hurt me
too but her last wish is for you to forgive her, can you please do that for
her, please."  At that I could feel his shoulders vibrate and I knew that
he was crying.  My father never got over her leaving him, never, so I knew
that this must have especially hard on him.  And I decided that I would at
least go and see her, if anything to tell her how I felt about what she had
done to us, to me.  That trip to the hospital was one of two hardest trips
that I ever had to make.  I had bought some flowers to give her but I
couldn't even bring myself to walk into her room.  The nurse must have
passed me at least three times wondering why I was still outside.  On her
fourth trip she spoke, "Visiting hours are almost over sir."  "I know,
maybe I should come back another time."  She took the seat beside me and
put her hands on my shoulders.  "She doesn't have a long time left so I
think you should go see her.  She has been asking for you."  At that I
sucked in my pride, told her thanks and stepped into the hospital room.
Looking at the figure on the bed I couldn't believe that it was my mother.
She looked so frail, so weak, so helpless and in a way she reminded me of
myself, the way I felt that night.  I cautiously walked up to her bedside
and placed the flowers in a vase.  Her eyes were closed but they opened as
soon as my foot hit against a box on the side of the bed making a sound.
"Stephen?"  "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."  I was surprised at how
meek my voice sounded and how cracked it became.  "It's ok baby, I'm glad
you came."  And I couldn't help being an asshole this one last time, "I
came because dad asked me to."  She shook her head as if knowing then
stretched out her hands to me.  I recoiled unconsciously leading her to
turn her face away from me.  I could see that tears were forming in her
eyes and I cursed myself for doing it.  "I understand you hate me for what,
for what I allowed to happen to you all those years ago.  I was so stupid
then Stephen.  I had such a good family and I threw it away."  I wanted to
know why.  "I thought there was something better out there for me.  We got
married so young.  I was only seventeen when I had you and your daddy
insisted we get married.  I loved him and you but..." her voice cracked and
she started to sob.  I reached over and held her hand.  "I just thought
that there was more life for me to live.  And when that, that animal did
that to you.  Oh god Stephen, how could I let that animal do that to my own
son?"  She bursts into another sob and withdrew her hand from mine covering
her face.  Seeing her there so vulnerable, baring her soul made me start to
cry.  "My baby, please forgive me.  I love you so much, please forgive me."
And as she begged for my forgiveness I finally accepted in my heart that
what was done was done.  We couldn't go back and change it but we could
start to rebuild whatever relationship we could before it was too late.
What I didn't realize was that that night would be the last night I would
see my mother.  Shortly after returning home my father got the phone call
that he had been dreading, my mother had passed away.  A sudden stroke.  He
sat at the table and just stared into thin air not saying anything.  I
tried to comfort him but he told we he wanted to be alone.  I didn't allow
myself to cry, not then.  But I did cry three days later as they spread her
ashes into the ocean as a small gathering looked on.  I completely broke
down and my father had to literally carry me back to the car.  Back at home
we spent the remainder of the day talking about the better times we had had
with my mother.  My father relayed to me for the first time how they met
and fell in love and while I listened on, I laughed at all that they had to
go through to keep their love alive.  It reminded me of better times with
HIM.  My father had told me that he had called a lot just to find out how I
was and when I would be home.  I still assumed that my father knew
absolutely nothing about what went on between us so I played it cool and
told him that I was too busy to return the phone calls.  He saw right
through my act though, "Why do you do this Stephen?"  "What?"  "Push
everyone away.  Since you were a baby, you always been pushing everyone who
ever tried to show you some affection away.  You did it with your mother,
you did it to me and now you're doing it to him."  I still played dumb, "I
don't know what you're talking about dad."  His next reaction forced me to
sit and to re-think, "Cut the BULL SHIT Stephen!  You sit around the house
doing absolutely nothing and when you do get out, you come home depressed.
You used to be so happy when you first started serving.  What happened to
that enthusiasm?"  I just broke down and told him what was bothering me,
"it's in New York hanging with his wife daddy."  "Oh Stephen, why didn't
you tell me?"  I cried on his shoulder as he hugged me.  "I wanted to
daddy, I wanted to so bad but I couldn't.  I'm such a failure daddy.  He
didn't want me, he didn't want me."  And as I repeated that mantra over and
over, I let out what seemed to be months of frustration.

	WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW.  MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY READERS AND A
HAPPY NEW YEAR.  I WILL BE AWAY FOR A WHILE BUT LOOK OUT FOR A NEW POSTING
TO THIS IN JANUARY WHEN I GET BACK.  CONTINUE TO SEND YOUR COMMENTS ANDLET
ME KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE.  THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT.