Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2004 16:28:50 EDT
From: Jerazk@aol.com
Subject: He told me he loved me

He told me he loved me. I told him he didn't. He told me he did. He
insisted he did.
He Instanted me every night. He called me every day and night. He wanted
me to call him. He wanted me to Instant Message him all the time I was
on. if not, he asked why I didn't. He told me he loved me and that I was
beautiful. I never thought that about myself. He knew from my writings
that I was a great person and romantic and caring and beautiful. He told
me he loved me. Again and again. He wanted me to say it too. I told him I
would not say it. I insisted that this could not happen. That he did not
love me. He told me he loved me. And I had no right to tell him that he
didn't. He knew his thoughts better than I did. I was not like anyone he
ever knew before and he thought my heart was brilliant and beautiful and
charming. He told me he loved me. He told me he wanted to be with me. He
told me he wanted to have sex with me. He told me he would come live with
me. He told me he wanted to go to college near me, he told me he loved
me. He had dreams about me, he told me. He told me he saw a nice guy in
school and wanted to meet him, talk to him, maybe even meet him after
school someplace. He didn't. He told me he loved me and only me. He told
me he was bi-sexual. I didn't always believe him but then later, I did.
Boundaries invaded, I told him I loved him. I don't know how it happened
but I did. He changed me. He made me feel good. He made me feel wanted.
He made me feel needed. He made me feel like a rainbow, like a good
pudding. He loved me and he told me that. Again. He wanted me to kidnap
him. I wouldn't. Then something changed. As I told him more and more that
I thought he was special, he told me less and less. I told him I loved
him. He told me he liked me. I told him I would die for him. He mistook
that for something threatening. It wasn't. I meant I would jump infront
of a bullett meant for him. I'm non violent in real life. He could not
take my obsession with him. He had been obsessed with me but now I could
tell he was not. I loved him. He did not love me the same way it seemed.
Or maybe he did but maybe he wanted to be the aggressor. He told me I
scared him and he could not take my obsession. He worried I would kill
him. I was hurt by this. I guess he pushed the limits first and I backed
off. Then I got the idea that he really did love me so I pushed the
limits and tried to get close. He backed off. Now I am at a crossroads.
He won't answer me, he won't talk. What is a person who's heart is broken
to do? Wait. Only wait and try to act as if I am mature. Then maybe the
actions I take will be mature, if only I can wait and wait and
wait....but....he told me he loved me....