Date: Wed, 05 Jun 2002 20:10:23 -0400
From: Rory M <st_rory@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Family chapter 4

A Family
By Rory M.
Chapter 4


From the perspective of Noah Elliot


	I woke up not really knowing where I was for a moment, but then the dinging
monitors, crappy cot, and soft glow from the hallway brought me back to
reality.  I heard the whimper again and realized why I had woken up in the
first place.  I swung my legs over the side of the cot and stood up, leaving
me right by the hospital bed that my life revolved around.  I reached out
and patted Avery's chest while I fumbled for the light switch on the wall
above the bed.  The whole time he sniffled and squirmed, what was wrong this
time?

"Da...ddddy."

"Shhhh, baby I'm turning on the light...there we go," I looked him over, but
I couldn't see anything that was vitally wrong.  I was grateful, but it was
2 in the morning, I felt like my head was bobbing back and forth trying to
sleep again.

"I didn't...mean to. Da...dddy...I coun't help it."

"What? What happened baby? It's ok," and then I caught I whiff.  I
immediately hit the button for the nurse and lifted the blankets off of him,
trying to salvage some of the bedding, "Shhhh, it's alright angel, it's not
your fault."

	I lifted him off the bed and onto his feet, letting him hug me as I tried
to take off his little pajama pants.  He was shaky, and sniffling into my
ear.  The nurse better get here soon, because these sheets have to be
changed.

"Daddy, I still have to go..." I grabbed the bright blue mini-bed pan from
the shelf under the bed and sat him on it, letting him lean his back against
my stomach as I tried to remove his once Mickey Mouse underwear and threw
them in the spot on the mattress just three feet up the bed.  The nurse
walked in finally but turned right back around, I was hoping to get the
usual supplies she would need in such a...circumstance. After all, this must
have been old hat for her.

	Avery started to cry, and then do what he had started on the mattress.  I
know that feeling isn't pleasant, especially when you're tired, miserable,
and embarrassed.

"Shhhh, Avey Baby, it's ok. You couldn't help it, the medicine does that to
you.  Shh, oh come on, it's not so bad. It happens to everyone when they get
sick, even Liam."

"Even," sob, sniffle, "Yoou?"

"Yes.... even me.  And Mommy especially," just then the nurse came back in
the room with a cart with sheets, baby wipes it looked, and some red juice.
It was the party cart.

As soon as Avery made eye contact with her he started to cry again, and
turned his face almost around to hide in my stomach.  So bashful compared to
the kid who less than two years ago ran stark naked through my living room
because he found out how to undo a button.

"Avery, did you have an accident?" she said playfully, while she took his
hands one by one and cleaned them off with a wipe, "It's ok, we'll just
clean you up and forget it ever happened, ok?" he still didn't look at her,
he just looked down at his now bare knees and batted his flooded eyelashes.

"You done, Ave?" I squeezed his shoulders gently and looked down trying to
see his face. He nodded his head and I picked him up and cleaned him up
quickly so that the nurse could clean up the mess. I sat him on a towel in
the chair next to the bed, and pulled the hospital smock down around him so
that he was a little more covered than a moment before.  Just as I thought
he was calm, he started to hiccup again as soon as I turned to get him a new
pair of pajama bottoms, "What babe, what's wrong now?" just then I looked
over at the nurse as she handed me one of those pull-up diapers they sell
for bigger kids.  Oh come on, I wasn't going to have this battle now, not
again.

"I'm...a big boy!!!!"

"It's not a diaper, Avery, and you can take it off in the morning.  It's
just so that this doesn't happen again," the damn nurse wasn't helping
anymore.

"Da.... ddddy!!!" his eyes squinted up and he began to sob again.  No way in
hell was he going to let me put this on him without a fight.  A diaper was
for babies, and he was in that stage where he wasn't going to be anything
remotely like a baby, even though he was the youngest (albeit by 4 minutes),
the smallest, and the last one to get the hang of using a toilet.

"Avery, I know you're a big boy, but sometimes big boys have to wear
good-nights when they are sick," I dared not say the word diaper, "Come on,
Grandpa Arrison has to wear them, and he's a really big boy," Liam had a
strained relationship with his parents, so it was ok to use them as the butt
of jokes. Especially in such an emergency, the white trash card was a good
one to use.

"Really?"

"Yeah. So it's not just for babies. Plus, it's only for a while, and it will
be our secret, ok? No one has to know about it except for me, the nurse,
mommy, Liam, and you, got it?"

"Don't tell Aiden..."

"I won't, cross my heart," I kissed him on the forehead and then slipped on
the fake underwear, and then pants. The bed was made (the nurse was fast)
and the smell was gone, replaced by the smell of baby wipes and
disinfectant, but whatever, he wasn't concerned with it and I wasn't going
to be.

	I laid him back down in the bed and rearranged IV tubes and monitor wires
so that he was comfortable and nothing pulled.  His little eyes were puffy
and irritated from crying and from chemo, and his hands shook as he went to
clutch the teddy bear Liam had given him.  To get him to sleep would have
been so easy before this past week.  Maren long ago had found the secret to
calming him down.  Rub up and down his back and play with the hair behind
his ears.  But it was impossible for him to lie on his belly and I was
afraid to remove even more hair from his rapidly balding head.

It wasn't that easy just to tuck him in and turn off the lights, though.
What had stayed, as a routine since he's been in the hospital is his fear of
sleep.  He won't shut his eyes unless one of us is with him.  Knowing I
wouldn't get my own sleep unless I found a way to get him to do the same, I
started to rub his stomach above the sheets as I turned the light off on the
wall.  I could see him in the dim light from the hallway place his thumb in
his mouth, and I could feel his breathing even out as I rotated my hand over
his stomach.  I don't know what was more comforting to him, the touch on his
always-upset stomach or just knowing that someone was there, but it took its
effect on him.  Within five minutes he was back to sleep.  And within 30
seconds of me hitting the cot I was also.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Morning Bright Eyes!" I was straightening the last knot in my tie as the
nurse came in for Avery's daily blood work.  Not even breakfast yet and I'm
about to get an ear full.

	Avery looked over at me and then to the nurse. Usually I'd see the water
works and then the pleading for me to make her go away.  The finger prick
was the beginning of a long day of agony that for some reason I was
developing a routine to, I guess it was natural, but I didn't want it to
happen.  I held out my hands to pick him up which was customary. I'd hold
him on the edge of the bed while she took the blood...him fighting it the
whole way.  What astonished me was that with a sniffle and a shaky hand he
willingly held his hand out to her. I looked at the nurse who seemed as
shocked as I was.

"What a brave little boy.  You know, I think you'll get a treat for being so
good for nurse Peters," he got a treat every day, but that didn't matter.  I
sat on the opposite side of him and held his other hand as she swabbed the
tip of his ring finger and then placed the small plastic needle to the tip.
I heard the spring fire and then came the tears...not the best way to start
a morning, but he's getting better with it.
	After his florescent band-aide and morning medicating the nurse was off to
the room next door, where a slightly older little boy was going to get the
same treatment.  This is such a horrible existence...I couldn't imagine
myself going through this every day, let alone a child.  You wake up to
blood work and medication, and the rest of your day is on a similar schedule
of waiting for doctors to make rounds and more medications and tests.  Nurse
Peters comes in usually around 10 am, forcing what is left over of a
disgusting breakfast down his throat before giving him chemo.  He won't eat
lunch today, I know that much.  The chemo was horrible, every 2 days was a
nightmare, and just as it seemed he was pinking up and returning to the
5-year-old I knew, it would start over again.   Apparently this was going to
be for the next 2 1/2 years, and I have barely handled it for less than a
week.  As I pondered the day that Avery would endure again, breakfast was
delivered...by Liam.

"HEY, Avey Baby.  How yah feelin' this morning, kiddo?" he handed me a paper
bag with what I knew was a bagel with chives and an orange juice, a usual
breakfast of mine since college.  He didn't make contact with me at first,
but instead leaned over the bed and gave Avery a hug, "I brought you
something if you want it."

"What is it?"  Avery perked up on his mound of pillows to see what Liam had
brought him.  I hoped, that if it were food, that Liam would be sensible
enough to get him something bland.  Anything more flavorful that a saltine
upset his stomach, and the hospital food wasn't helping.

"I brought you your favorite, but you've gotta eat it now before the nurses
bring in your breakfast.  Wouldn't want to upset them by not eating their
food, right?" Liam matched Avery's bright smile as he pulled a baggy of
diced apple out, along with a small dipping cup with caramel in it.  For
breakfast at any other moment I would have cringed at giving him the
caramel, but he seemed to want to eat it.  And if he eats it and keeps it
down, I don't care what he's eating.

	Avery started to slowly eat the small pieces of apple and turned his
attention to the same episode of Sesame Street that had been looping for the
past three days.  Big Bird is brave when he gets a blood gas....and then I
knew it would be followed by Madeline gets her appendix removed, and then on
and on.  I guess they're used to put the kids more at ease with being here.
Showing them that everyone gets sick, even big bird, must be comforting.  If
I have to watch it one more time I'm going to be sick myself, though.
Usually there was an endless marathon of Disney movies on, but probably not
until I get out of here.

"Morning," Liam caught me with a kiss as I was still fixed on the monitor of
Big Bird thinking happy thoughts.

"MMM...you, too," I caught him but his hips and rapped my arms around them,
laying my head on his shoulder, "How were the kids last night?"

"Good.  Aiden wants to know if you're going to his soccer game today, I told
him I didn't think so, but I'm gonna have Tina take him," Tina Cameron was a
neighbor of ours with children around the same age as ours.  Her middle son
and Aiden played on the soccer team together and were good friends; so Liam
and myself have built a relationship with Tina on a common ground...play
dates and carpools.  Maren was never the soccer mom, PTA member type, so she
rarely attended the games unless her schedule permitted, and never
practices.

"He wasn't upset, was he?"

"No, I think he understands that you need to be here," he kissed me as we
separated and I turned my attention to my bagel, "When is the meeting with
the oncologist?"

"At 5, but Maren should be here to relieve you at 3."

"I've gotta be at work at 1. So I won't be blessed with her presence today."

"At 1?  Who's gonna be here for him? He's not ready to be left alone," I
kept my voice low so as not to distract Avery from his apples and the TV.
He was oblivious.

"Your mother will be here, she's at the house now," right.  I forgot my
parents were coming in this morning, it completely slipped my mind.  It's
Friday already? Hmmm...I guess so.

"Oh, right.  Sorry, I just forgot I guess."

"You're tired, why don't you stay home and sleep tonight? Maren hasn't
stayed since the first night, and it's Friday.  She can handle taking the
weekends...don't you think?"  his last sentence was marked with a smirk of
condescension.

"If she'll take it, but I've gotta run to work," I gulped down the last of
my orange juice and put on my jacket.  I kissed the top of Avery's head, him
still mesmerized by the television and slowly chewing an apple.  I gave Liam
one last kiss as I made my way out the door, onto work.

	My job isn't the most glamorous career one could have, but it's better than
it looks.   Yes, my office overlooks a water filtration plant, but I wasn't
expecting a garden with Greek statues.  IT was my job to make sure that the
City was supplied with water in the most efficient route, and if I problem
were to occur, I could divert the flow of water through a different route.
I did other things, but these were the gist of the situation.  The others in
my department only answered to the head of the plant, who in turn answered
to Mayor Street.  The kids call me a water engineer, which to simplicity is
somewhat true I suppose.

	Today I had a meeting at 9:30 to discuss...I don't know, but it probably
wouldn't interest you.  Let's just put it this way...the water you drink
ultimately depends on the scientists and engineers at this meeting, so hate
me or respect me for the condition of your tap water, but don't forget me
during your morning shower.

	The meeting went on with a somber status report and a small analysis on
conservation procedures.  My co-workers had been walking on eggshells all
week, but have been supportive the days I've come into the office.  This
morning as I arrived a large basket of toys, stuffed animals, and a few
cards was sitting on my desk. The kids had been coming to the annual
barbeque and Christmas parties since they were infants.  Everyone in the
office knew Avery; my assistant had even babysat for me before the divorce.

	The day went on.  I couldn't really concentrate.  Sleep was a memory and I
hadn't seen my parents yet, though they had been at my house since early
this morning. When I called them and let them know what had happened, the
first thing out of my mother's mouth was when they could make it down from
New York.  My Parent's have always been very involved in my family, no
matter what direction it has gone, though not  always supportive sometimes.
They weren't exactly thrilled when I married Maren so soon after college.
They were even less happy when we divorced, and when Liam showed up...being
Irish and Catholic and well...male, wasn't easy for them to get used to.

	My mother is a Russian Jew from Long Island.  I love her to death but the
woman can get to be a bit much sometimes, but she's always about family.  My
father is half Jewish and half Protestant English, that's where the Elliot
comes from, if you were wondering. He is quiet but a good man, he usually
lets my mother do most of the talking and deal with most of the drama.  He's
great with the kids though, always has been better with dealing with
children than most adults, I think.  Yes, they seem like an odd paring, but
good parents without failing.  I've brought them through all of my trials
with me, and I don't think they would have had it any other way.  In the end
of each they've still been there, and I doubt a time like this would falter
that either.

	I left work around 4 to get to the hospital for another meeting, but this
one slightly different.  Maren and myself were going to have the first sit
down with the oncologists since Avery was first admitted.   We had spoken to
them individually and during rounds about Avery's progress and future
treatment, so an organized meeting scared me, especially since I wasn't
really briefed on what this was going to bed about.

	I arrived a few minutes early to see Avery.  Just in time to see him
throwing up what I'm guessing was lunch.  My mother was holding a plastic
container in front of him while Maren talked him through it (like he needed
a pep talk on how to do it).  My Father was admiring the nice view through
the multi-colored glass. I knew if the old man were in the thick of it he'd
be sick himself. Avery was in fact the first to spot me in the doorway, in
between heaves.  He laid back when he finished, totally letting his mother
and grandmother clean him up and do what they wanted with the scene.  He was
exhausted from the ordeal.  His little chest struggled to catch his breath
and he looked confused and dizzy to what was going on around the room.  He
looked at me a second time as I made my way to the bed, passing Maren
handing the nurse his handy work and across from my parents.

"Hey kiddo.  Did lunch taste as good the second time?" he giggled as my
mother scolded me politely.

"The doctor's are expecting us downstairs in five minutes," Maren acted like
I rained on her parade, as usual.

"I know, I just stopped up here to say hi first.  I was actually wondering
if you were going to stay here tonight."

"I was gonna pick up the kids from the soccer game and take them to dinner,"
I love the way she knew my parents were here for the weekend and she wanted
to take the kids for herself.

"It's the weekend, and Liam is picking them up at 7 from Tina's."

"What, does he not work anymore?"

"You two, don't you gotta meeting?" my mother glided us out the door.
Thanks mom.

	The trip in the elevator settled the matter; meaning Maren would stay here
tonight.   Not that it would have bothered me to stay with Avery, I'd
probably lose sleep not being here anyway, but my own bed in my own house
and a night with most of my family is something that I needed right now.  I
felt a twinge of guilt for pretty much neglecting Aiden and Ava all week.
They've been in a permanent shuffle between houses and babysitters. They've
written me notes and asked about me, I just feel bad that right now they're
just going to have to take the situation for what it is.

	The Doctors greeted us in their friendly and professional matter as usual.
Three of them sat at the table with us in what was no more than a lounge.
Dr. Hastings, as well as two other, younger doctors were going to tell us no
doubt what I probably didn't want to hear.  The last few days weren't good
ones for Avery.  He was improving, but not steadily enough.  His counts were
still too low for him to be released for out patient treatment and remission
wasn't in sight yet, though they had reassured us that within 6 weeks he no
doubt would go into remission.

"Mr. & Mrs. Elliot, thanks for coming," Dr. Hasting shook both of our hands
as we sat across from them at the table.  "We've basically wanted to go over
Avery's progress and his long term care with you.  Avery has been doing
well, even though his progress has been small. We're hoping if he continues
to do so without breaking too high of a fever in the next week, we'll be
able to release him to your care by next weekend.  What we need to discuss
is the unique situation he is in."

"Unique situation?" I was confused.  If this is what I think it is I don't
want to hear it.

"We understand that many of our patient's parents are divorced, which can
make a situation like this very difficult, " chimed in one of the other
doctors, "but what a child like Avery needs right now is a stable
environment.  Now, we've reviewed both of your living arrangements and we
want to make the following suggestion for Avery's care.  You do not have to
follow it, but it would be best for Avery," the sound of this so far has
made me feel very uneasy.

"So you think it is in the best interest that Avery stay with one parent
full time?" Maren restated for them, "I don't see a problem with that, I
have him most of the week anyway.  I don't think it would be too difficult
taking him the entire week."

"Now, wait a minute.  They didn't say that at all."

"Mrs. Elliot," Dr. Hastings cut me off, "We actually feel that that might
not be the best environment for Avery in his condition."

"Are you saying that I can't give him that? I'm his mother.  My house has
been his home since he was born and I can take care of him there, you're not
taking him away from me."

"Alright, enough.  I know this week has been stressful but you are both
jumping to conclusions.  We're just trying to show you your options.  We
don't have the authority to change custody agreements or place a child in a
home, we can just tell you what is healthiest for your son.

"Now I am fully aware that Mr. Elliot and his partner can give a lot more
time and care to Avery.  Two care givers are a plus Mrs. Elliot, no matter
how much you try you'd need outside help more than that.  We've also found
that Avery shares a room in your home with a sibling.  It would be more
beneficial if Avery had his own space.  His immune system is suppressed and
another small child who attends school has a high risk of spreading bacteria
to Avery."

"I can move Aiden in with Ava and hire a nurse to be with him during the
day.  I don't feel as if this line of reasoning is fair to me being the
single parent."

"It's not fair, but it's what is best for the child at this time.  If you
want to hire a nurse that would be your decision, but it isn't really
practical.  Your insurance I doubt would cover it ma'am, and they would be a
professional babysitter.  Plus we know that the child has his own room in
Mr. Elliot's residence, as both of you have stated previously.  But our
largest concern is the cat that you have as a family pet, Mrs. Elliot."

"Oh for Christ sakes! I can get rid of the damn cat."

"It's not that simple.  Your house is older, and the cat adds an even larger
health risk with mites and allergens.  Point is, we strongly advise that
Avery live with Mr. Arisson and Mr. Elliot, " Dr. Hastings made this point
so clear I almost wanted to smile,"  The child's health is more at risk in
your home, I'm sorry.  Your central heating is old and you do not have air
conditioning, not that it matters now, but it will next summer.  Being
shuffled around isn't good for his system, so no matter what you decide our
most specific advice is that he stay in one home.  When he enters remission
and his counts are high enough, then you can rethink your current custody
agreement and possibly sending him back to school.  But for the present he
needs to be in one home, " The three got up and made their goodbyes.  I sat
their speechless, admittedly relieved and somewhat happy.

"I'll set up a bed for you and I'll get you a set of keys, Maren."

"This is what you wanted, wasn't it?  No, I don't want a key to your house,
I want my son.  Do you think I'll give him to you just like that?"

"You're being unreasonable, Maren."

"I know, but you don't understand what this means," she finally cracked and
broke down into sobs.

"Yeah, I do, but I won't do what you did to me.  You can see him whenever
you want."

"Don't bring your holier-than-though bullshit onto me."

"This isn't about me, Maren.  This is about Avery's well being.  In fact,
why are you making this about yourself? You have been for the past few days.
  What you stand to lose, what you aren't getting.  What the hell is going
to happen when that damn cat of yours gives him a staff infection, huh? Why
aren't you thinking about what they really said?"

"I did, and I am.  But there is no way you're getting full custody."

"I'm not, Mar. Jesus, he'll just be living with me, you can see him and come
over as much as you want.  And the other two are still under the current
custody plan, it's not like you won't have them either.   I'm not asking for
anything Mar, I'm actually helping you out."

"I need time to think," she wiped her eyes as she got up and left the room.
I still sat there thinking of what just happened.  IN all honesty, that was
the last thing I thought they were going to say.