Date: Mon, 05 Jun 2000 09:57:58 GMT
From: Arvind Kannan <akannan50@hotmail.com>
Subject: Be What You Are

Disclaimer:

This is a story about male homosexuality.  The story depicts  sexual acts 
between two mature adults. If you are perturbed or offended by such material 
please do not read.
Most of my stories deal with gay emotions and problems. Again if you are 
offended please leave now.
This is a stroy of fiction and all names appearing in this story are 
fictional.

You can email me your views at
akannan50@hotmail.com

Title :  Be What You Are

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The rains lashed with full fury outside our apartment house. The beach was 
just across our apartment and I could see the huge tides rising.  I looked 
at the dark skies above.  If they were of any indication ,  we were going to 
have more rough weather.

I looked at the time again. It was almost six in the evening , and Chris was 
not back home.  Damn it ! I thought... Why did I love this guy  so much ?

It was so unusual of him to be so late. It  must be the storm, I thought. He 
must be held up somewhere.  But then why did he not call with his mobile? I 
was just crazy too about him.

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I first met Chris at an ice hockey game. I had gone there with my best 
friend Susan and he was sitting just next to me. Man he was so cute.  I 
guessed he must have been around 22 and I just could not stop looking into 
his eyes. I knew I had fallen in love with him then.

Desperate to start conversation with him, I asked him  " So how is the 
game?"

"What ??"  Chris  uttered  back looking  at me . I could see the beam in his 
eyes too as he looked at me. From those looks I could figure out that he was 
gay .

"Are you enjoying the game ?? "  I  asked him again.

"Ya pretty much. .. I am Chris.." he introduced himself , still not taking 
his eyes off me.
I knew then he was thinking the same stuff that I was thinking off...

I introduced myself and Susan to him. I could say from his looks that he was 
dissapointed.
He obviously thought Susan to be my girlfriend. I wondered how he would 
react if he knew I was gay.

We kept talking about the game and I kind of realized that there was a some 
kind of connection between us. I wished Susan had not been around.

As the game ended I invited Chris to my apartment. He first hesitated 
because of Susan but I told him she had come in her own car. That must have 
given him some hint.

So we drove to our apartment and talked about all kind of things. We had a 
lot in common and I knew then that I had to make my move.

"So Chris you have any girl friends ? " I asked him

"I don't know how you would react - " Chris paused , "But I am gay..."

"I guessed.." I  told him back, " I could see that from the look into your 
eyes when you saw Susan. You like me don't you ?"

Chris was speechless. Looking at him I knew he was the one.  I just grabbed 
him and kissed him deeply.  He kissed me back and from that time there has 
been no looking back. It was like we were made for each other.

That evening I called up Susan. I thanked her for inviting me for the ice 
hockey game. And she was happy for me..

I dated  Chris   for about six months  and  then we moved into this  
apartment in South Carolina a couple of months back.

*********************************************************************************

Man, the rains were still not showing any signs of abating. I was so worried 
about Chris.

Then the door bell rang. ...

I ran to the door and I was greeted by Chris with that smile of his.  That 
smile of his made my heart thump. I knew I just had to drag  him to the bed.

"Now where have you been so long. I was getting worried " I  asked.

"It's  the  fucking rain  man. And I left my  fucking mobile at work, or I 
would have called "
he replied.

I went up and made two glasses of Vodka and gave him one. Chris just gulped 
it .

He then pulled me towards him and gave me a deep kiss.  I kissed him back, 
exploring his tongue and running my hand over his butt.

We kissed like that for sometime , lost in each other.  By then both of  us 
were having a real hard on and it was time to hit the bed. I dragged Chris 
to our bedroom and pushed him down to the bed.

There he was  - lying on the bed . I looked at him . I really loved this 
guy, and I knew he loved me the same way.  There was no one else on the 
earth who could make love to me like Chris did.  It was like we were made 
for each other.

I jumped on to the bed , by his side. I ran my hands over his shirt, slowly 
unbuttoning them.  Getting rid of the shirt I gently ran my fingers over his 
hairy chest.  I pinched his nipples and kissed them gently.

Chris moaned. I  kind of knew  all his  'pleasure points'  and I worked all 
over his chest and his back, my tongue exploring his soft flesh.  We kissed 
again, our tongues exploring each other . We were lying side by side, 
embracing each other , lost in each other.

I  moved downwards to Chris's pants. I unzipped his fly, and dragged his 
pant down. I could see the naughty look on Chris's face .  I could see his 
huge bulge underneath his undies. I gently kissed his undies and pulled them 
down with my teeth.  And there it was, his huge throbbing meat waiting to be 
sucked.

Wasting no time I got down to action. I first licked his hairy balls and 
then moved my way up .
I moved my tongue upward to his dick, gently licking it from the sides. As I 
licked his throbbing dick  small amounts of  pre-cum oozed out of his dick. 
I licked them up greedily as I continued to please his dick.

Chris could bare the excitement no more. He pushed my head right into his 
cock, asking me to suck it real hard. Chris  kept pushing  his dick further 
into my mouth till it was fully in.

"Oh ya! Suck harder !!" Chris moaned. I continued to suck his man meat . I 
looked at his face and I could see that he was enjoying every moment of  it. 
  He continued to fuck my mouth pushing his dick in and out.

Within seconds he cummed,  shooting his load in my mouth. I took my lover's 
cum in my mouth, sucking it real dry, not leaving a drop of his love juice.

By this time my dick was fucking hard. It was Chris's turn to explore now.

He  pushed me down to the bed and kissed  me deep, tasting his own cum.  He 
stripped me naked and worked his way exploring my body.  Chris too knew all 
my pleasure points like I knew his..Man, I loved this guy. He knew how to 
make love. I had been with guys before Chris, but it was nothing like this.

Chris continued to lick my chest with his tongue as I continued to enjoy 
every bit of it. He gradually moved down and pulled down my shorts.  He 
stroked my dick with his beautiful hands as I moaned .

Wasting no time he took my dick in his mouth. He caressed it gently with his 
mouth and started to suck it real hard.  He was one good damn cock sucker .

I could hardly control my ectasy. Here I was with my lover, and there was 
nothing more wonderful in the world than Chris. I cummed in my lover's mouth 
as he readily  swallowed every bit of it.

We kissed each other again, lying side by side embracing each other. I felt 
like I was in  heaven. It was like I wanted nothing else from this world 
than Chris to make love to me and be with me always.

" I love you Chris. Never leave me"  I said

"Do not even think that way you asshole. We are made for each other" Chris 
replied.

We kissed again. I could hear the thunder  outside . I did not care. All 
that mattered was Chris by my side. Nothing else really mattered.

That night  we lay naked side by side, in each other's arms.

********************************************************************************

Life  was never better.  Things were great at work. And every night I had my 
lover to make love and care for me. We made endless nights making love and I 
did not even know how an year passed by. It was like the happiest days of my 
life.

But as time passed I felt that Chris was gradually like moving away. It was 
not obvious, but I could kind of guess it from the way he would make love. 
It was not like old times.

Was he getting bored of me?
Was he seeing someone else?
Was I not satisfying him sexually?

A thousound thoughts used to race my mind, but  I prefered not to talk about 
it. Maybe I was wrong. I should not hurt his feelings by saying something 
unless I was sure.

And then one night my worst fears came true.

We were in bed after having sex.

Chris  looked into my eyes and from that look I knew something bad was 
coming.
With his hands gently massaging my chest he said  " I have something to 
say..."

I pushed his hands gently from my chest.

"So there is a third person isn't it "  I was almost  sure.  I could like 
read his mind.

"It's  not like what you think...." Chris uttered

"So what is it Chris. I know there is something you have been hiding from 
me.  "

" First this is not your fault. Do not blame yourself for this. And you know 
I love you so much. And I will continue loving you no matter what"

Now this was getting weird.  I just could not take it anymore.

"So what then is the problem Chris  ?" I questioned him.

" It's  my parents...they wanna get me married to Kathy"  he whsipered.

"What ? Kathy? Are you out of your mind? "  I told Chris , " You are crazy. 
You are not going to listen to them . Chris you have not dated a single girl 
in your life and you are gay. And how could you think of even leaving me ?? 
"

I could tell from Chris looks that he was going to leave me.  I felt like I 
was going down that roller coaster with my hopes going down along with it.

" I am sorry man.  I have no choice. But no matter what I will never stop 
loving you "

Bullshit I thought. Chris did not understand love. And I thought I had known 
him all the time. Here he was going to ruin Kathy's life, mine,  along with 
his own. We were so happy together, why would  he  not listen?

"You know what " Chris continued , " You also should  get married  to some 
woman"

"What ??"

" Let's  face it man. You gotta get old, so am I. Ever thought how it is 
without kids, without a family? No support from society, no kids..."

"Bullshit" I said , "Fuck the society. I thought we were a family. We could 
have adopted kids . C mon Chris don't do this.  You will never be happy. And 
you know how much I love you .."

" I am sorry but I have to do this. Believe me , it's best for us. We have 
to make choices in our life". Chris uttered.

Well his family had brain washed him I thought.  I don't know what fucking 
society he was talking about.

I yelled back , " Chris what society are you talking about? Why do you care 
about them? I love you and you love me nothing else matters.  Ever thought 
about the fact that  you gonna go and spoil someone else life by getting 
married. How will you love her Chris - you are gay!"

"I will change. I am gonna try to change myself. That's the right way..this 
is all wrong. Please, don't make this difficult for me. And you will realize 
it soon..." Chris uttered with tears in his eyes , " And you will realize it 
soon.... get married man..have kids...have people around you "

I could not say a word. I knew he would not go back. He had gone nuts.

Chris spoke for the last time, "My wedding next week. I will send you the 
invitation" . With this he  kissed me for one last time and got up from the 
bed.  I got to see his naked body one last time before he got dressed.

Within minutes I heard him pack.

He said these last words before he left " This is not easy for me man, you 
know I love you. But we have to move on..the way we live looks good on books 
but in reality - it will never work. Sooner or later you will realize that. 
" . With that he kissed me one last time and left me there all alone in the 
middle of the night.

I could not believe he was gone Where had I gone wrong I thought. I thought 
I loved him and cared for him in every possible way. Why could he not be 
just what he was?  Gay.

I thought he would be by my side all life, all night .  I just could not 
believe that he walked out of my life.  I tried to control my emotions, but 
then came all those big tears as I broke from within.  I looked at my side 
of the bed. He was gone. Gone forever...

The next week Chris got married to Kathy. I never went for his wedding . 
That night I kept thinking about Chris. I figured out he would never enjoy 
sex with Kathy. No one else in the damn world could make love to him as I 
did...

He used to call me after getting married but I asked him not to as I needed 
to get him off my mind. Futile attempt though...

A year after Chris got married I am still alone in this apartment. I dated 
some guys but they were not like Chris. I still could not get him off my 
mind. I wondered whether he still loved me..well I never bothered to find 
out.

That fall I moved over to Minnesota. Far away from Chris . I badly needed to 
move away from the apartment which was filled with the memories we had 
together. But all that hardly mattered. As if  miles of  distance could get 
Chris off my mind..


I don't know whether Chris was right or wrong. And I don't care.
All that I know is I am gonna be what I am. No matter what.

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If  you liked the story you can email me akannan50@hotmail.com

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