Date: Fri, 18 Apr 2003 17:31:59 EDT
From: Writersrealmmm@aol.com
Subject: Discovering Gregory Chapter 50

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 50
Alone Together

Thomas McLauglin, 14, was unwillingly outed, repeatedly told to keep quiet
about his sexuality, and made to read the Bible in school, according to
ACLU director of public education Paul Cates.

Please go to my website for details and articles directly under the notice
for my book on the left side of the page:

www.writersrealm.net

...And read about this young gay hero, who has refused to be brainwashed
into submission, unlike the vast majority of gay youth.

"...And a child shell lead them."

It's great to have a place to meet but we all know what gay kids go through
before they are legally old enough to visit Nifty. The religious fanatics
will do anything to keep us from offering gay youth our support.  If they
stack the Supreme Court well enough, Nifty will no longer exist. and we'll
find out what alone is.

The best way for us to assure that we have a future is to free our gay
youth from the torment they suffer.  We should stand up with Thomas so he
knows he isn't alone like we were at 14.  You do remember 14 don't you; you
do remember alone?

Please take a few minutes away from the pleasing world I provide for you
and read about the real world and the uncertain future we'll face if the
current administration brings their brand of Christianity to America.  They
are still in the minority, only they speak with a single voice and it is
loud as President Gore can verify.  The question is, will we remain silent
while they take over?

Chapter 50
Alone Together

It's odd how things are never what they seem.  For months I had been alone
with Greg and it seemed as though it was the greatest thing in the world.
I never realized how aware I was of the door of his room that might be
swung open at any second in the day or night.

Certainly before Greg was laid low in his hospital room, there had been no
way to be truly alone with him.  His minions came and went at will, needing
him at any given time, and disappearing just as swiftly once they got what
they came for.  For the first time we were really alone together.  I
expected no one to burst through the door and be aghast at our proximity.

Greg assured me he had been careful to make sure that all the pieces were
in place that would give us a weekend alone, after the coming home ceremony
that he orchestrated for himself.  The only real surprise came when
everyone left but me.  Until that moment in time, I didn't know which way
it would go.  I didn't know if Greg, who was seeing the light at the end of
the tunnel, might discard me as a necessary evil that he indulged so he
wasn't without sexual resources.

Oh, there are some things you can't disguise or deny, and Greg was more
than a sexual opportunist taking it where he could get it.  I knew this in
my heart but then again, I didn't live only in my heart, though I gladly
would have if Greg was there.  I didn't need anyone in my world but him and
I could have totally devoted myself to him, but if that was a sure way to
run him off.

Greg and I were different and we came from different worlds.  He had been
raised in a cocoon filled with nurturing and loving, while he was allowed
to indulge himself in any way he desired.  He was never allowed to get
completely out of hand but he wasn't held so tightly that he wasn't able to
explore who and what he was.  Greg was a product of a loving family who
wanted him to become who he was destined to be and nothing less.  Greg's
parents doted on him as they doted on Doug, but in an entirely different
way, like they were two individuals that had different needs for them to
grow strong and wise.

I had been born into discipline, the curse of the German family, and my
family had never discovered love, creativity, or indulgence.  My life was a
schedule and demands, and I knew better than to be late or to fail to
perform to the standards that had been set forth for me, and I should never
expect a compliment or to have satisfaction expressed concerning anything I
was expected to do.

Only, the part that really fucks up a child, the standards were fluid and
only my parents knew what they were.  One day I would be severally punished
for failing to do something I was told to do and had failed to do, or I
simply hadn't performed up to that days standards, which being fluid and
constantly in flux, and so I never knew what was expected until I got
punished for failing to perform.  I was always being punished.  I was
always on my parent's shit list for as far back as I could remember.  I
suspected my parents didn't like me very much and I didn't have much use
for them.  One day, when I was thirteen or fourteen, our worlds had
irreparably split, never again would they have complete control over me
body and soul.

I suppose the best way to describe this is that I simply didn't care what
they thought about me any more.  I no longer tried to please them or to do
as they asked.  I simply did what I pleased, took the heat when it came,
ignoring their disapproval as much as a son can ignore his parent's
displeasure.

Greg's parents were as foreign to me as if they had come from the moon.  I
was amazed at their unconditional acceptance of their offspring.  Just
listening to them talk was a joy for me.  Of course I wished that I could
communicate with my parents but of course I knew I couldn't by the time I
met Greg's.  It still amazed me to see their interactions, like they were
all separate, independent, and equal units of life, entitled to their own
likes, dislikes, and opinions.  How weird was that?

I suppose it is another reason why the following chapters were made easy to
live if not easy to write about now.  With my experience, and not trusting
any adult, each experience with Greg's parents was a new experience to me
and I never knew what to expect from them.  I kept waiting for them to
become like my parents but they never did.

Greg slept all day Saturday, well, that is not totally correct because we
slept little Friday night.  We both slept late Saturday morning until
afternoon, and I brought him breakfast, a half dozen soft scrambled eggs
with toast and coffee and juice.  He ate half the eggs before handing them
over to me and I gobbled them down, keeping up my strength.  He watched me
cleaning up the television room and fell asleep before I had finished.  I
crawled back into bed with him and turned up the heat and we once again
road his wild wind until he was sleeping again.  How he could go to frantic
orgasm to total rest, I don't have a clue, but he'd be cumming one minute
and snoring the next.

During these couple of days there was no way to keep tract of each and
every encounter because one seemed to blend into the next and then there
was sleep, and eating, and then we were at it again, uninhibitedly
tormenting the other's body to points of absolute bliss, followed by a
sudden and complete exhaustion.  A couple of times I was sure I might not
recover at all, just orgasm myself into another universe, another reality,
but as long as Greg was attached to me, I didn't care.  I didn't care about
anything that weekend but him.

We did watch movies Saturday evening and no one came over, which was a
surprise.  I figured now that his cronies knew he was back, they'd want to
hang with him as they did when they were all sixteen, but they didn't.
Greg told me that they all had lives of their own now and most were married
or seeing someone in a serious way, and that didn't leave a lot of time for
reminiscences about a pass they didn't feel comfortable revealing to their
intended.

It seemed to me to be dangerous that boys who took favors from other boys
should be totally silent on the subject, when it came to their girlfriends.
I knew the dangers and I knew these boys rarely were cautious, giving into
the moment, even after promising themselves they wouldn't, and never waking
up worried that they had gone too far, too often, with too little to stand
between them and disaster.  Unfortunately the same was true for their
girlfriends, only they had no knowledge of what the disaster might be.

No, their motto seemed to be, "We're young and we're free and invulnerable,
so we push the outer edges of the envelope without risk or fear.  Why
complicate your life by telling your woman, oh by the way, my love, I suck
cock and take it up the ass from time to time, but have no fear, it isn't
often, and it's usually with reluctance, at first anyway.  So you see,
there really isn't anything to worry about."

And so everyone had gone back to their lives, leaving me to nurse Greg in
the privacy of his families television room.  I was amazed at how totally
inactive he was, managing to get to the bathroom to take a pee once on his
own, but using the Kraft Mayonnaise bottle that I had placed by his bed
after that, being too exhausted by the trip that took him all of fifteen
feet there and fifteen feet back.  All things were relative.

Not wearing anything at all left him to hang free and I could admire that
which I had been attending to for months on end, and for the first time in
Greg's life, he hadn't changed partners, even when it was possible for him
to do so, but instead of getting what he wanted off her and then cutting
her loose, he'd cut her loose without receiving any satisfaction from the
female persuasion.  It offered me hope that I could compete but not a lot.

It's what troubled me most.  He'd meet some sweet young thing and fall
victim to his raging hormones and be unable to resist the idea of
satisfying her with his abundant talent.  Greg was as queer a queer as I
was.  I worshipped him because he was a man and I had no desire for him to
act like a woman, nor did I want to put on a dress and a wig so he could
pretend I was what it was he knew he should want.  We'd both had some work
to do on that and what it really meant to love.

Maybe it wasn't so clear as the folks in charge would have us believe.
Perhaps we all had flexibility built in, just in case it was needed, sex
being the all powerful drive it is.

Greg had moved on from childhood dalliances, going off into the world to
find his way.  He'd pretty much ignored his old friends, rarely coming
around, but in one brutal moment Greg had been drawn back to the world he
had forsaken.  He was suddenly in need to a dose of the old medicine that
kept him going throughout his adolescent years.  He was convinced, as all
the boys seemed to be convinced, that's in the past, and I'm moving on.

Greg had come home and I was there to reinforce all the things he learned
and did while he was in that house.  There wasn't a way for him to deny our
familiarity with any conviction, and so he didn't.  He accepted that the
past was present and he was Greg and would make the best of his
circumstances.  No matter what it was that had brought us together in the
beginning, it was my love for him that held us together through the dark
days.  I could no more have left him than I could have stopped breathing.
There would have been the same result in those days, when we were finally
alone together for the first time.

Of course Greg had to go back and our time was limited and so we made the
most of it in a way we couldn't back in the hospital room with the
revolving door that couldn't be deterred.  Each time I thought, he was too
tired or he had had enough, he hadn't.  Greg was a better man than I was,
but on that first weekend home, I stayed with him because I perceived it
was what he needed, and if nothing else, I was there to see he got what he
needed, not that I had any complaints.

By Saturday night each union was labored as he sweat himself into
submission and collapsed to regroup until he was ready to go again.  He
held me close in-between times, and the room was a good temperature for his
sweat to cool me as the heat sizzled from our bodies.  I can't count the
times I awoke to his amorous intentions, because I was on automatic pilot
by Sunday morning, responding like Pavlov's dog when the bell rang, ready
to go another round, not knowing of any limits when came to Discovering
Gregory.

I might have been worn out about half the times he wanted to get to it, but
it didn't take long for my ardor to catch and pass his.  I think even Greg
was surprised that he hadn't been able to wear me out.  Of course he'd been
flat on his back for months on end, while I had been waiting for a time
like this to arrive.

Once again I fed him the eggs he thought were "great."  I had to make some
for myself after he polished off the half dozen I put in front of him.  At
noon he appeared in the pantry as I was doing dishes that I had left alone
for the weekend.  I didn't want his mom coming home to find a mess,
although I was anxious to escape before his parents and Doug returned.  He
was covered with the pajama bottoms, but no top yet, and his chest seemed
to still have all the lines, even though he was doing little to maintain
since he had fallen ill.

"We need to get out of here before they come back.  It'll go bad on me no
matter when I need to explain myself, coming home and not telling them.
They'll be a little hurt and a little angry that they weren't here to spend
time with me.  You understand why I did it this way?"

"Yes," I said, feeling absolutely worn out and hoping he didn't present
with another erection before I could get him back to the hospital.  My
orifice was all but off its hinges, strained and soar from the hours of
oral stimulation he required.  My other end wasn't fairing all that much
better but I'd succeeded in getting him off with my mouth most of the time.
He wasn't able to hold off the way he once was, and if I got him to a
certain point, he gave in to my stimulation and gave up his load, never
hesitating to kiss long and deep once the deed was done.

Greg had changed in a lot of ways and he loved me and I loved him.  I
didn't doubt that.  I simply wasn't sure that being such different people
might not prevent us from experiencing an enduring love.  Although I knew I
would always love him, because love doesn't go away, not when it's real
love, I didn't know where it would lead, and I really didn't care that
weekend.  That weekend was mine and we'd made the best of it.  I continued
to do what I had promised myself I'd do when Greg was first injured.  I'd
never look back and think I could have done more, I could have loved him
more, I could have given him more, because I couldn't.  He had it all, or a
least all I had to give him.

It was three o'clock and we were sitting at the dinning room table playing
cards, Rummy I think, stalling off our inevitable departure as long as
possible.  I know I was nervous and I had asked him what time he wanted to
leave at least a dozen times, and the answer was always the same, "Soon."

"How soon?"

"Between four or five.  They never come back until six.  I just hate going
back to that place.  You don't know how much this weekend has meant to me,
Martin.  You don't know how badly I want to stay here with you."

"I can imagine.  Just remember it's only for a little while now.  You can
come home on the weekend until you are finally well enough to stay home."

"Yeah, right, and my mother will pamper me and be constantly there.  We
won't get any privacy until I get this damn cast off and then we can sleep
up in my room."

"We had more privacy this weekend than we've ever had.  Be thankful for
what we have not for what we don't have.  You could be staying up in that
hospital for months on end, but you aren't, you'll be home soon, and I'll
be here as often as you want."

"Be here as often as I want?  You're going to stay here with me.  I can't
stay here alone, Martin.  My mother will drive me crazy without you around
to protect me."

"We'll see," I said, having my own parents to deal with..

"The hell we will.  You're staying up here.  Tell your parents I'm helpless
without you.  Tell them I'll die if you don't stay with me.  Tell them they
don't have a choice unless they want to be responsible for my death."

"I don't tell my parents anything.  They'll either go along with it or they
won't and if they won't they'll raise holy hell.  I don't know what else to
tell you.  If they say no I don't want to start trouble for your parents."

"I'll get mom to talk to them.  She loves you.  She thinks you're her long
lost son, delivered by mistake to the people that raised you."

"I wish," I said, lamenting for what I knew.

Just as he reached his hand across the table to put it on top of mine,
giving me that soulful look with those so soft blue eyes, the crunch of
gravel distracted him and the look on his face wasn't good.

"Oh shit!  I'm fucked," Greg observed, sliding his hand back to his side of
the table and slumping down in the chair.

The baby blue Galaxy came to rest right in front of the two huge windows in
the dinning room.  Greg's mom sat looking up at the windows for a long time
before she slipped out of the car, carrying her purse and some other items.
I sat unsure of what happened next, but it didn't take long to find out.
The back door slammed with an echo that reverberated through the house.

Greg's mom stormed the kitchen with all the subtlety of Patton storming
Sicily.  She neither looked at us nor did she speak as she charged out of
the kitchen and turned down the hall toward the television room and her
bedroom.  When she entered her bedroom the door slammed with another house
shaking rattle.

"I'm fucked."

"Tell me about it.  Do you think she's pissed?"

"I think I've never seen my mother this mad.  I figured I'd be lectured and
they'd explain all the reasons why I don't do things like this, but she's
seriously pissed off."

And so it was.  I was suspended there between mother and son as she
proceeded to rampage through the house.  For one solid hour she banged,
slammed, and threw anything she came in contact with, but luckily she
steered clear of the two of us, probably out of fear she might do us
serious bodily harm.

All Greg and I could do was sit there and wait for her to calm down.  I'd
never seen anyone that angry, especially not Greg's mom.

Finally at a little after four, she dragged a chair up to the table and sat
upon it, looking at Greg and then me and then Greg again.

"Okay, you want to tell me about it?"

The little girl voice was reassuring to hear but I still wasn't convinced
we would escape with our lives.  Greg sat silent for a minute and I thought
he was going to wait for me to explain what we were up to, but he finally
spoke.

"I didn't want to upset your weekend.  I found out I could get a pass.  I
asked Martin to bring me home."

"Martin, you should know better.  Of all the people I trusted with this
walking disaster area, it was you.  I am certainly disappointed in you."

So much for being her long lost son.

"It wasn't him.  He didn't know anything about it until he came up Friday.
I didn't tell him either.  I just wanted a few days to myself."

"Gregory," she exclaimed, and that was the kiss of death for him.  "Do you
know what can happen to someone incapacitated in a house all alone?  What
if you had fallen down and there was no one around?  What if something
happened, a fire, anything, and you had to get out of the house in a hurry?
My God, what were you thinking."

"I didn't leave him alone.  I was with him the entire weekend?  I wasn't
about to leave him alone, once I knew you were at the mountains house."

I spoke up not sure I should risk opening my mouth to get between mother
and son, but I did anyway.

"Thank God for small favors.  I was picturing him here all alone and all
the things that could happened.  Thank you, Martin.  That was my only
concern.  I'm not mad at you but the jury is still out on my first born
son.  Don't ever pull a stunt like this again."

"I'm sorry, mom," Greg said, and she got up and hugged him for a long time,
looking relieved to find out that he hadn't been in the house alone.

There were tears in both of their eyes when they broke the clench.  Greg
tried to look away so I couldn't see him cry but his mother wasn't so
proud.

"Well, what have you two boys been up to?"  She said, not having a clue
what she was asking us.  I leave this one to Greg.  I knew a loaded gun
when I was handed one.

"Just being free, mom.  Just enjoying fresh free air and not being poked,
prodded, or in other way having my body interfered with."

"When do you have to be back, dear?"

"Supposedly tonight by eight.  That's what the pass is for."

"That's all well and good, my dear, but you aren't in the Air Force, and
Dad'll get that straight and he'll take you back in the morning when he
goes to the base.  He'll want to spend some time with you and then he can
find out how often we can have you here with us and you too, Martin.  You
seem to be the only one who can handle him.  Lord knows I've never had any
control over him.  Thank you again for not leaving my crazy son her alone.
I envisioned every conceivable tragedy known to man, once I knew he'd been
here alone."

"I would never leave him alone," I said.

"No, he wouldn't leave me alone," Greg protested, sounding somewhat put out
but smiling at me with that twinkle in his eye and I knew what he meant and
it was true.  I can't imagine his mother not being able to see the love in
my eyes for her son.  She had to know but it wasn't something I could ask
her about.

				   *****

Should I go on or have you had enough?

quillswritersrealm@yahoo.com