Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 19:43:56 -0800 (PST)
From: Kenny Chen <kenny7299@yahoo.com>
Subject: Sweet Memoir of a Fateful Relationship, part 1

This is a true story that happened to me.  I have changed the names. All
incidents and places are still the same. This story involves a relationship
between two males. You have been warned.


Sweet Memoir of a Fateful Relationship. Part 3

This time, it was real. Totally real.

We again talked on the phone at that night with several interruptions from
cousins, friends, and his boyfriend. Yeah, he had a boyfriend now. I kept
reminding myself to behave. Not to flirt. I didn't mean to. I never did
want to. I just could not handle myself from being so expressive about my
feelings. Honestly, after these years, I thought the feeling would die
since there was no water of hope. It did not. The feeling surprisingly
didn't die. It was still alive. As strong as it had been? I didn't know to
confirm that. But I knew it was still there. I could still feel the
butterflies in my tummy. I could still feel the urge to say "I miss you. Or
even I love you." I still have the urge to say his nick "babe, honey." But
I know things were different now. Totally different. He had his boyfriend,
whom he loved. I could not be in the way. I should not. I didn't want to
ruin his happiness. I never did. I never intended to. I have always wanted
him to be happy with whatever circumstances he was in, whatever decision he
made, whomever he decided to be with.

He wanted to meet me. But I was not ready. I was still weak. I didn't know
what I would do if I met him. I didn't know whether I would hug him or I
would kiss him or I would be so embarrassed or I would be ignorant or I
would be crying or I would be very happy. It was all mixed feelings. I was
still weak. I told him that I would need time to meet him. At that moment,
I was just not ready. I was already happy to just hear his voice. That's
already good enough for me. Heck, it was more than enough for me. I had
already learned the meaning of the word "contended." Never asked for more
than what I could get or what I had been given. It's not that I was not a
persevere person. I was very. But about these things, I just could not
predict the end result. Besides he had a boyfriend already, I didn't want
to be in the way. I knew I would be very jealous if I knew my partner was
meeting his former boyfriend. I might be able to trust his feelings. Maybe
his feelings for me were already over. However, my feeling for him was
not. Strangely, though a lot of things happened both sad and happy, never
did I ever regret that I knew him. Never did a word "hate" ever come out of
my mouth or even my heart.

Could this be the perfect love that people are talking for ages? Could this
be the type of love that people keep searching for eternity? Or is this
just a mirage of love that I cannot have? What's wrong with me? Why am I
being like this? So vulnerable that so dangerous and harmful to self. I
have to be strong. But I just can't.  I just hope that this time, things
will not turn out to be nasty and bad again. I still have hopes. Hopes that
can bring both happiness and destruction. But they are still my hopes. And
I am willing to take the risk to keep the hopes.

Anyway, that's it for now. Hope you like the story. I will continue for
detail of sexual parts if I got some comments. thanks

How do u like the story so far? Email me with comments. Kenny7299@yahoo.com
Thank you