Date: Sat, 25 Feb 2006 06:04:05 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: Not Quite Ashes-Part 2. When to Hide

    Karen's family was pretty well off in terms of money, but
they accepted me because I had a bright future. Her father's
wedding gift to us was an all expense paid honeymoon. The first
few days were difficult because I still loved Karen and I was
very attracted to her, but I was also aware that I was more
attracted to Jerry. About halfway through the week, Karen decided
we should call everyone and let them know how our honeymoon was
going. We both called our parents and told them we were having a
great time, and then she told me to call Jerry. I didn't know she
was trying to test me. I told her we could wait and talk to him
when we got back and she said okay and disappeared in to the
bedroom. A few minutes later she was calling me to come in to the
room. I walked in there and she was sitting on the bed with the
phone in her hand.

     "Someone wants to talk to you," she said as she extended the
phone to me. I assumed it was one of her friends.

     I grabbed the phone and said, "Hello."

     "Hi, Dan."

     "Jerry?" I know two distinct emotions ran across my face,
the first was shock from hearing his voice and the second was
fear because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold myself
together as I talked to him.

     "So, uh, how's the honeymoon?" he asked.

     "Give me a second." I turned and looked at my wife. "Honey,
may I have some privacy? You know, guy stuff."

     A strange look came across her face, but she said, "Sure.
I'll be in the other room if you need me."

     When she reached the bedroom door, I said, "And close the
door please." Once she was gone and the door was closed, I
started talking to Jerry. "The honeymoon is great except for one
thing."

     "What, what's wrong?" His voice was filled with concern.
"And why are you whispering?"

     "I think I may have made a mistake."

     "Don't say that, you love her and she loves you and that's
all you need to know. You did the right thing."

     "But what if I love you more?"

     "Look I told you I was sorry for what happened, you need to
let it go. You already made your decision. You married Karen and
we both know you're not going to leave her, so let's just try to
forget that night ever happened."

     "But I can't," I said with tears streaming down my face.

     "You don't have a choice, now go have sex with your wife or
something."

     "Gee thanks for the support."

     "That's what friends are for." Then he started singing,
"Keep smiling"

     "Shut up," I said as a light laugh escaped from my lips.

     He laughed a little too and said, "I hate to get serious
again, but I need to say this to you. I love you and I probably
always will because I love you more each day, but I think we
weren't meant to be. I knew you would pick Karen and I wanted to
let you know where I stood before you took that walk, but don't
waste your life thinking that you made the wrong decision. You
did the right thing Dan, so relax, enjoy your honeymoon and try
to forget about me. Well, don't forget about me because I expect
to hear from you when you guys get back, but you know what I'm
trying to say. We'll always be friends, right?"

     "Of course, but what if that's not enough?"

     "We don't have a choice. You're not made for this kind of
life."

     "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked as I wiped away my
tears.

     "You're a traditionalist, you couldn't handle this type of
lifestyle. And oh goodness, I don't even want to think about what
you'd do if people found out about us. You definitely need to
stick with the women."

     "Why are you doing this?"

     "What?" he asked.

     "Letting me go."

     "Because I love you. I thought you got that when I stood by
your side on your wedding day. You deserve to be happy and you've
waited too late to get cold feet now. Trust your decision and
leave it as final because that's what I'm doing."

     I was about to tell him it was more than just belated cold
feet. I wanted to confess my secret crush on him from years
before, but Karen came barging in to the room telling me it was
time for dinner and I needed to say goodbye to Jerry. She seemed
to have a major attitude so I wrapped things up quickly and
promised to talk to him more when I got home.

     The rest of the honeymoon was much better. Having Jerry's
permission to stay with Karen and knowing that Jerry was okay
with it somehow made it easier for me to handle. I relaxed for
the rest of the trip and I thought I was ready to face the world
again when we emerged from our honeymoon cocoon. I thought wrong.

     We walked off the plane and the first person I saw was
Jerry. He was holding a sign that read: Mr. and Mrs. Court. He
was such a cornball sometimes, but I couldn't control my
excitement. I was so happy to see him that I ran to him and
hugged him, holding him tightly.

     "I missed you." I whispered in his ear. I heard someone
clear their throat and it was then that I noticed the man
standing next to him. The guy looked a little like me, dark hair
but a little longer than mine, dark eyes, same build, basically
the same height. I stepped back and released my grasp on Jerry,
keeping a hand on his shoulder.

     "Welcome home Mr. and Mrs. Court. Your presence was missed
by all." He moved from my touch and walked past me so he could
hug Karen. He turned around with his arm around her shoulder and
said, "We're here to escort you two delinquents to your new
home." I laughed, but Karen didn't look amused. She always
thought Jerry's sense of humor was juvenile. I was so busy
laughing, that it took me a few minutes to realize that he said,
`we.'

     "We?" I questioned.

     "Oh, pardon my rudeness." He walked to the guy standing next
to me. I didn't notice the guy had moved next to me until Jerry
walked over to him. "Bob, this is Dan and Karen. Dan and Karen,
this is Bob."

     I know my mouth was hanging open as I looked at Bob again.
Who the hell was this guy with Jerry, and why did I feel sick in
the stomach? "Bob? I never heard about you before. You new in
town?" I asked. I tried to laugh so it came across like I was
joking around with him.

     "No, just visiting, and that's funny because I've heard a
lot about you."

     You would think that would shut me up, but it didn't.
"Really? You've heard a lot about me? Like what?"

     "Where do you want me to start?" he asked while looking me
up and down.

     "Down boys." said Jerry. "Bob is a friend from college. He
surprised me this morning and I couldn't leave him alone at my
place and come pick you two up, so I decided to bring him along.
Now let's leave because your chariot awaits." He grabbed Karen's
carryon bag. "I'll carry this for you madam." That action made me
feel bad and inadequate. I was her husband, I should have been
carrying her bag, not him.

     I reached for the bag as he turned to walk away. "I think I
should carry this." He didn't object, he let me grab the bag and
he kept walking, following the arrows leading to baggage claim.
Bob and Jerry helped us gather our bags and Bob picked up Karen's
extra bag, so each man would have one bag and Karen would have
nothing. I couldn't allow that to happen. "You don't have to do
that man, I got it." I grabbed the bag and almost dropped it a
few times as we walked through the parking lot to Jerry's car. I
couldn't put my finger on what I was feeling, but I was pretty
darn sure it was jealousy.

     I was about to jump in the passenger seat next to Jerry when
Karen said, "Aren't you going to sit with me?"

     "Of course, Honey." I opened the door for her and waited for
her to get in, then I walked to the other side and got in. I
couldn't talk to Karen because I was busy trying to hear what was
going on in the front seat. I wished I could open the passenger
door and push Bob out. It wouldn't hurt if it was in the middle
of traffic on a busy highway either. The thought made me smile to
myself.

     When we reached my new house I expected Jerry to drop us off
and keep going, but instead, both he and Bob got out. Jerry
laughed as I picked Karen up and walked her across the threshold.
He laughed even harder when I tripped over my own feet while
spinning us around trying to show off for him and Bob. Karen
cushioned my fall rather nicely. Jerry helped Karen up. Bob held
his hand out to help me, but I slapped his hand away and got up
on my own.

     "That's what you get you show-off!" Jerry said as his
laughter was renewed. His hearty laugh made me laugh too and
eventually all of us were laughing, even Karen.

     The laughing put me at ease, and for a few seconds, I forgot
how much I disliked the current situation. Bob was actually kind
of cute when he laughed. His face was all scrunched up and it
sort of reminded me of a weasel, which for some reason made me
laugh even harder. Their laughter died down, but I was still
laughing.

     "It wasn't that funny Dan. You can stop laughing now." Jerry
told me.

     "I'm not laughing at that anymore, you jackass!" I said
between laughs.

     "Daniel!" Karen said, scolding me for my use of bad
language.

     "Sorry, Honey." Bye, bye laughs.

     "So what was so funny?" Jerry asked.

     "Your face." I joked as I punched him in the arm and ran up
the stairs. I knew he would follow me because both of us were big
kids. I ran to my new bedroom and was about to turn around and
try to close the door when I was tackled to the floor.

     "Take it back." he demanded as he started tickling me.

     "Never." I told him, defiantly as I squirmed at his every
touch.

     "I'm not letting you up until you do." he laughed.

     "Grow up!"

     "You first!" he said as he continued to tickle me.

     "Here's an idea, why don't both of you grow up!" The tone
immediately put an end to our juvenile fun. Jerry stood up and
helped me to my feet. We both looked at Karen. She looked just
like my mother as she stood there with her arms folded over her
chest and a look of disappointment on her face. "What is wrong
with the two of you? You're grown men so stop acting like
children. Is this what our marriage is going to be like?" she
asked as her eyes darted to me and invisible daggers came flying
in my direction. I wasn't sure if it was safe to answer.

     "I think that's our cue." Bob mumbled as he started to back
away.

     "No, everything's fine." Jerry told him. He looked at Karen
and said, "I'm sorry Mommy, are you going to send me to my room
now? I'll be better, I promise." He put on his best puppy dog
face and pouted with his sexy lips and Karen couldn't stifle the
grin that fought its way across her face.

     "You're incorrigible," she said as she turned and walked
away. The three of us stood in silence for a few minutes, not
really sure what just happened.

     "Maybe we should go downstairs." I told them.

     "You first," joked Jerry as he stood behind me and held me
like a shield. I laughed and was relieved to discover that we
were okay again. We were back to being Jerry and Dan.

     Karen fixed us a lovely meal and I found out a lot about Bob
during dinner. It seemed that Bob was better than me at every
single thing. It was like if I once hit a grand slam in a
baseball game, then he hit a grand slam in the bottom of the
ninth in the championship game and won it for the team. I was
frustrated and envious of his success and completely annoyed with
the inside jokes that he and Jerry shared. I had visions of
taking my steak knife and stabbing him in the heart with it. I
knew the way I was feeling was wrong, but he brought out the
worst in me.

     Karen and I were talking after Jerry and Bob left and Karen
said, "Is it me, or is Jerry's little friend a bad imitation of
you?"

     "You noticed that too?"

     "Yes, I notice a lot of things." The way she said it hit a
nerve inside me and I think that was the point in my life that
marked my retreat. I couldn't have her piecing things together,
even though there was nothing going on. I stupidly thought that
hiding from her would keep her from seeing what was really
happening and that moment served as my inspiration to make work
my home.


c Lustyville 2006
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