Date: Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:25:09 -0400
From: Pee Jay <peejay@mi.rr.com>
Subject: "Plaquemines Parish"

"Plaquemines Parish"

By: Pee Jay
peejay@mi.rr.com


When Dad died, everything changed. It came very unexpectedly as he was
considered young at thirty-six years of age. He had a congenital heart
problem and being poor as we were, he had no resources to call upon. He was
born with a hole in his heart and it finally got the better of him.

Mom couldn't support the two of us on her income. She worked cleaning other
people's homes, they called her 'the cleaning lady'. Yup, that was my Mom,
the cleaning lady and I loved her. Between rent for the apartment and the
normal ongoing expenses, she was sinking fast. She had to do something soon
before we ended up on the street.

The situation was wearing her down; she looked tired and haggard. She was
doing her best and it wasn't good enough. She tried to be cheerful but it
was easy to see through. She was worried and stressed out. It was a hard
thing for me to watch, but at sixteen years of age; there was precious
little I could do, my heart went out to her.

I offered to get a job but she wouldn't hear of it. She said my job was
school and that was the end of the discussion. She was strong willed and
determined that I get the best education possible and I didn't let her down
when grades came out.

One evening after we finished dinner and the dishes, she asked me to sit
down at the table for a talk. She had that dire look on her face and it
caused me to worry about what she had on her mind. When I looked at her
directly, I saw lines of concern and fatigue that weren't there a short
while ago. It was a shame since she was such a beautiful woman, it made me
feel helpless.

"Honey, we can't stay here much longer. We're getting behind on everything
and sooner rather than later it's going to catch up with us."

"Where are we going to go Mom?"

I had no idea. This was the only place I had ever known. Sure we moved a
few times but always stayed in the same area. I was scared but did my best
to keep it hidden. Mom had enough to worry about without me acting like an
insecure little kid, even if I did feel that way.

"We have some savings that your father and I managed to set aside and your
father's car has been sold. With that, we can afford to relocate."

Now I was worried. I didn't know any other place than this run-down side of
town we lived our whole life in. Well, that I had lived my whole life in
anyway. I knew I was looking somewhat scared because I was. The unknown was
terrifying. I sat there waiting and afraid to ask the obvious question. I
really didn't want to hear the answer.

"Go ahead Mom" I said as I twirled the saltshaker in my fingers.

"We're going to Louisiana honey."

"Louisiana? Why there?"

I knew Mom was from Louisiana and a long line of Cajuns, but why go there?
She had only been back once and that was for her mother's funeral last
year. Her father had drowned many years ago when she was about my age.

"Maybe you aren't aware of it, but my mother left me the house she lived
in. It's been sitting vacant since she passed away. I considered selling it
but that would only put off our problem not solve it and it's not worth
much at that. We'll save a lot of money by not having to pay rent."

And that was it, subject closed, end of conversation. We were going to
Buras, Louisiana. Of all the unheard-of, god-forsaken, insignificant places
on Earth, we were going to Buras, Louisiana! I couldn't even tell my
friends, they would laugh at me. They would probably say something like
'you won't need shoes there' or maybe 'you'll fit right in', God it was
depressing. Mom made the decision and I had no choice but to accept
it. Like it or not, we were going to Louisiana. I had a sinking feeling
overcome me.

It made sense in a strange kind of way, after all, we lived like modern day
Joads so why not round it out with a road trip and a car full of
possessions. It did seem to fit, Ma Joad and Val Joad would hit the road,
except we were going to Louisiana not California. God, I was determined to
do something about our situation someday, it was pathetic and pitiful.

In less than a month, we were gone. School had let out for the summer and I
did eventually tell a couple friends where we were going. Jim was good
about it and felt sorry for me. He hated to see me go as much as I hated to
leave. We were best friends and did everything together. When we said
goodbye we both got choked up and hugged each other, unable to speak for
fear of breaking down.

Mom rented a small trailer and we packed our most valuable and necessary
belongings inside. The rest of our stuff that wouldn't fit we left behind
in the apartment. Mom said the management company would dispose of it
sparing us the aggravation and expense. And to be perfectly honest, it
wasn't worth much in the first place.

We left the keys on the kitchen counter and pulled the front door closed
behind us. To my surprise, I didn't get emotional. We climbed in the car
and drove away, neither one of us having anything to say.

The drive down south wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. When we
crossed into Illinois from Wisconsin we saw the 'Welcome To Illinois' sign
and the gravity of the situation hit me. I looked at Mom and she gave a
quick glance back.

"Are you okay?"

I had to think, "Yeah, I suppose so. It's just that sign. It makes it so
real. I wonder if I'll ever see anyone I know again."

"It won't take you long to make new friends. Until then you have me. I'll
be your friend", and she squeezed my hand.

"You already are Mom and don't be so corny." That got a rise out of her.
She laughed in the way that only parents do at their kids and it was a
little irritating.

We alternated driving duties and navigating and enjoyed being on the road,
just the two of us. Me and my Mom on the road, we were road warriors! It
was kind of funny but I couldn't think of a better person to be with under
the circumstances.

The last night we decided to splurge on dinner. Instead of having fast
food, we went to a sit down restaurant. We were over-nighting in Little
Rock, Arkansas and the motel was in a dense commercial area with a nice
selection of eating establishments. We chose an Italian one within walking
distance so we wouldn't have to move the car and trailer. Mom ordered a
bottle of their cheapest wine and we got buzzed with the meal. It was
fun. We were laughing at inane things and making fun of the patrons,
generally enjoying each other's company.

I told her about the road warrior idea and explained how we were a lot like
the Joads and she got a kick out of it. She was in a good mood and it was
great to see her enjoy herself. It seemed like ages since I had seen her
giddy and light-hearted. Seeing her like that was enough to make my day,
she was long overdue to enjoy herself.

Mom caught me staring at her and smiled, I noticed those lines were
disappearing faster than they had appeared. She looked great. I could see
the relief she was feeling and was happy for her, she deserved it.

The next day, it took another eight hours of driving to make it to Buras in
Plaquemines Parish; they may as well have named it `Poorman's Parish'. The
last couple of hours we spent driving on two lane roads and that slowed us
down a lot. We ate in town before driving the last few miles to the house;
it was on a country road that dead-ended at the water.

My heart sank when we pulled up in front of the old house, it was awful. I
don't know what I was expecting but it sure wasn't this. I should have
taken my clue from town; it was pretty run down itself. The place would be
more accurately described as a shack; I was going to live in a shack! How
had our lives come down to this? What did we do to deserve it? Would there
ever be a way out of here? The tears welled up in my eyes and flowed down
my cheeks. I couldn't help it, there was no stopping them.

Anyone who ever shed sad tears knows that it's a silent affair. There are
no sobs, no shaking, no noise whatsoever; just tears and disappointment, I
had plenty of both and let them go.

Mom came around to the passenger side of the car to comfort me and I held
her tight as I soaked her blouse. She felt warm and secure, just what I
needed.

"Mom, how are we supposed to live here? It's a shack."

"We'll be fine honey. You'll see. I grew up here. It's not so bad."

"I knew you were poor but I had no idea it was like this."

"The price is right and it beats no shack at all. Come on honey, we can't
stay out here all night."

I dried my face on the sleeves of my T-shirt and walked inside with her arm
around my shoulder. I was frustrated with myself. I wanted so much to be
strong and I was acting like a crybaby feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't
help it though, the place was so tattered and run down it was depressing. I
resolved that from now on I would act like a big boy, like a man. If Mom
could face it, so could I. I wouldn't let her down again; she was trying
her best and needed support, not an immature, emotional sixteen year old to
worry about.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs. After relieving
myself in the bathroom, I went into the kitchen and inhaled deeply. I gave
Mom a good morning hug and she kissed me. I was starting to not like her
kissing me but this morning I welcomed it.

"Mom, how do you flush the toilet?"

"Pull the chain that hangs from the tank on the wall."

Geez, who the hell would have figured that out? So I did without making any
snide or sarcastic comments. If this was home then I had better start
liking it or at least getting used to it.

"It smells good in here. When did you go grocery shopping?"

"This morning before you got up, there's juice in the fridge and the coffee
is ready."

I poured a juice for both of us and poured a cup of coffee for myself. I
sat at the table and took a piece of toast to go with the coffee.

"Mom, this coffee tastes horrible" as soon as I said it I got mad at
myself. 'I am not going to complain, remember that' I told myself.

"I know. I forgot to buy water in town so I had to make it from well
water. It won't hurt you it's just a little on the brackish side."

I drank my coffee and told myself that it tasted good, hoping I would get
used to it. We had a nice chat over breakfast. When we finished, I went
outside to unload the trailer and Mom cleaned up. When I finished she went
into town to return the trailer. I went on an exploring mission to inspect
the grounds around our little shack.

The surrounding area was forest-like with moss hanging from boughs and
branches. It was eerily beautiful and I couldn't help but notice how
different the landscape was from home. The large trees formed a canopy
overhead so that very little direct sun light made its way to the
ground. The bugs in the trees were making some kind of screeching sound and
the birds made strange hoots and howls overhead.

There was a swing hanging from a large tree limb behind our shack, far
enough away that the house was out of sight. I sat in the swing and set it
in motion. The tree limb was so massive that it showed no sign of yielding
under the stress. I plied the swing for several minutes savoring the
serenity and isolation and the unfamiliar sounds.

After awhile, I stopped the ritual to and fro motion and waited until the
swing came to rest. I listened to the sounds of nature. It was an eerie
medley of bugs and birds and God knows what, wolves or cougars for all I
knew. Maybe it was snakes and alligators too, who knew what kind of shit
was around here; an escaped convict maybe. I was starting to scare myself
so I made my way back to the house glancing side to side out of the corner
of my eye as I walked.

Mom pulled up to the front porch as I was coming around from the back of
our humble abode.

"Mom, is there anything dangerous in the woods back there?"

"Like what Val?"

"I don't know that's why I'm asking."

"There's some poisonous snakes that's about it. They're few and far between
and brilliantly colored, very easy to spot. The harmless ones are dull and
you might not even notice them. Why do you ask?"

"I found a swing hanging from a branch and I was sitting there listening to
the strange sounds. I started thinking and freaked myself out. I don't know
about this place, Mom, the moss on the trees, the sounds, the smells; it's
all so foreign. Kind of scary if you catch my drift."

Mom laughed. It was familiar territory for her, "My father, your
grandfather, made that swing. Did you like it?"

"I did. The only thing was the unfamiliar surroundings. Like I said, it
freaked me out. I didn't know if there's wolves or what in dem dar woods" I
was trying to sound like a hic and she laughed.

"You're okay in dem dar woods boy. I'm going to put our things away and
clean up. Why don't you walk to the end of the road? There's a marina down
there."

"I'm not a boy Mom!"

"As you wish my Dear."

Jesus Christ that woman can piss a saint off at times and I'm a saint
having come this far. Why does she say shit like that? Man, I could choke
her at times if I didn't love her so much. Sometimes I think she knows what
she's doing. Damn it, she can push buttons like a pro.

"Okay Mom, I'm going to walk to the end of the road and check it out. I'll
be back in a while."

"Bye sweetie, be careful" she said entering our version of a home.

Shit, she did it again! She said that on purpose I'm sure of it. She's
deliberately trying to bait me, it's not going to work this time. I'm going
to let it go. I'm not her little boy or her sweetie though, damn it.

I walked down the dirt road toward the water contemplating Mom's
comments. Was it her intention to be motherly? Or was she trying to be
assertive and exercise her role as a parent? Nope, she already had that. I
couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why she kept doing that; even
after I asked her not to. I decided I was not going to complain, things
could be worse; I'm not an orphan, at least I have a Mom. And I sure don't
want to hurt her feelings but grrrr, that bugs the crap out of me.

I walked toward the water at the end of the road. It was hot and humid like
every summer day in southern Louisiana. I took my shirt off and tucked it
into my cutoffs at the small of my back. It was about a half mile to the
end of the road. When I made it there, the pier spread out both ways with a
large building in the center bisecting its length. The building was white
washed with contrasting trim. It didn't blend with the surroundings at all;
it was obtuse and announced itself boldly, it was out of step with the
landscape.

I turned to the right when I reached the pier. I walked a short distance
and sat on the edge of the dock. When I dangled my feet over the edge, they
were a good distance above the water. It was calm and peaceful so I lay on
my back with my hands behind my head, closing my eyes. The sun was
penetrating my eyelids making strange images. I sat up to have one more
look around and lay back down resting my head on my hands.

The sun and humidity made for a hot day and I wished that I had a bathing
suit with me. I was in my own world as I lie there sunbathing. I was
contemplating how I could help Mom. I wanted to get a summer job. I didn't
want to be a burden to her, she had enough weight to carry. I wanted to
help out, be part of the solution.

I thought about our situation, things could be worse. I smiled as I lie
there, this isn't all bad. I'm not starving, I'm warm and safe; yup, things
could be much worse.

I was getting sweaty so I stood up and walked to the end of the pier. There
was no one around so I removed my cutoffs. In my underwear, I dove into the
water. It was a bold move for me, a city boy, but I did it and felt
refreshingly cooler. It lowered my body temperature several degrees.

When I surfaced I couldn't find a way to get out. The banks around the
marina were steep; very unusual for southern Louisiana. Maybe that's why
the big boats were at the marina, the water was deep, I could only guess. I
swam to the middle of the marina where the building was and climbed the
ladder to the pier.

I made my way back to my T-shirt and cutoffs and sat down. I looked around
and seemed to be alone, so I took my underwear off and wrung them out over
the water and laid them on the pier. I quickly pulled my shorts on and
surveyed the area, my display had gone un-noticed and I was grateful for
that. I put my hands behind my head and eased back on the pier, soaking in
the sun and warmth it had to offer.

I spent an inordinate amount of time between sleep and semi-consciousness
enjoying nothing and everything before I was drawn out of my listless state
by the screeching gulls overhead. I opened my eyes, and temporarily blinded
by the sun, sat upright. The sun had blanched my vision and it took several
minutes to re-acclimate to the daylight. There was some form of competition
going on. The gulls seemed to be vying for breadcrumbs strewn across the
pier. I watched them dive and swoop for some time before I decided it was
time to go.

I stuffed my underwear in my front pocket and tucked my T-shirt into the
back of my shorts. I slipped my sandals on and walked down the pier until
curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to check out the marina building
so I timidly approached the side door.

When I entered I was beholden to a most amazing dining room. The interior
was plush and lavish beyond anything I had ever seen. The kind of place I
could only imagine existed. The tables were covered with white tablecloths
and candles, flowers and real silverware; you could tell by the luster of
the metal. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The carpeting was regal red
with a floral pattern that contrasted with the white tablecloths; it looked
so magnificent I was awed not to mention speechless. My God, I thought,
this has to be some kind of fancy place. Only rich people can afford to eat
here.

"Hey young man, what brings you here?" a voice said.

I turned sideways and looked at him. He was a lot older and dressed in a
black and white waiters outfit. He had a condescending look and spoke
loudly; I felt like he was looking down his nose at me.

"I just moved here" I eked out.

The older guy smiled, "I meant what brings you in here? I saw you swimming
earlier."

"I just wanted to see what was inside the big building, that's all. I just
moved here."

"You said that. Where did you move here from?" the old guy asked.

"We moved here from Wisconsin. I'm looking for a job" I wasn't sure what
made me say that.

"We need a dishwasher. You think you could do that?"

"I think so. I have to ask my mother if it's okay. Can I give my answer
tomorrow?"

I was ready to take the job on the spot if he hesitated. Hell, I had no
friends here and what else would I do? And I wanted to help Mom too, I
didn't want to be a burden.

"You'll have to wear clothes when you work here," he said smiling.

I looked down at myself and was reminded that my shirt was off. I pulled my
shirt from behind me and sloughed into it and said, "I'll be sure to be
properly clothed. Are you the owner?"

"No, I'm the maitre d' and manager. My name is Charlie" and he extended his
hand.

"I'm Val" I said as I took his hand and shook it firmly. I wanted to make a
good impression.

"Nice to meet you Val."

"Same here. What time do you want me to come to work tomorrow?"

"Don't you have to ask your mother?"

"Yeah, I know she'll be fine with it. It's more formality than anything. So
she'll feel like she's in charge. You know?"

Charlie laughed and told me to be there at three in the afternoon. I would
work until midnight more or less depending on business. He told me I would
get minimum wage and I tried unsuccessfully to get him to go higher. I
thanked him and left for what was now home.

I thought my initial opinion of him was wrong. He seemed like a nice older
guy. After all, he did give me a job and it was close enough that I could
walk. That was good since we only had the one car and I had to leave my
bike in Wisconsin.

When I got home, Mom was almost done cleaning the place. There was a lot of
dust and cobwebs that accumulated since granny died.

"Mom, I got a job. I start tomorrow at three in the afternoon."

"That's great honey. Where are you working?"

"Mom, honey is what bees make" grrr, she did it again.

She stopped cleaning the kitchen floor and gave me a weird look. Maybe she
got the message this time. She stood up and smiled at me and patted my
shoulder. Then I felt bad for having said it so I added,

"Sorry. I got a job at the marina washing dishes. It doesn't pay much but
it's a job."

"That's great Val. I'm proud of you, and it's so close too. I know you'll
do a good job for them."

I assured her that I would give it my best. I changed into a clean pair of
shorts and got a clean pair of underwear. I opted to go shirtless since the
heat of the day was so stifling. I was bored so I decided to check out the
shed and see what kind of stuff was in there. I was hoping no snakes were
in there hiding; I hated snakes.

The shed didn't have much to offer. There were shovels, hoes a wheelbarrow
and hoses; mostly gardening stuff. There was an old trunk in the back
corner that caught my eye. I started moving some of the hand tools out of
the way that were leaning against the wheelbarrow. When I took the
wheelbarrow by the grips, a huge black spider the size of my hand descended
on my arm.

I let out an ear-piercing scream and ran out of the shed terrified. I
didn't stop running until I was in front of the house stopping to catch my
breath. I was bent over panting, mostly from fright, when Mom opened the
screen door with a grin on her face.

"What's wrong Val" she was smiling. No she was grinning, there was a
difference. The grin was mocking me.

"I just saw the world's biggest spider in the shed. It landed on my arm..."

Before I could finish a fly landed on my shoulder. I freaked out and
screamed as I brushed at my shoulder leaping backward, shaking my arms and
head.

Mom started laughing hilariously as she bent over with one hand covering
her breast. I didn't think it was very funny, it scared the crap out of me.

My face got hotter than I thought it could. The heat was already
stifling. I felt stupid, especially after shooing the fly away with a
girl-like scream. I walked toward the shed like nothing had happened and
kicked the door closed, like a man I hoped. I wouldn't be going back in
there anytime soon.

The next day I was up at the crack of daylight. There was only one
television station and it was pretty bad so I had gone to bed early. I was
excited about starting my new job. After making my bed I set my clothes out
for work. I chose a clean pair of jeans and my best T-shirt.

Mom had gone into town after breakfast to look for work. I whiled away the
time outside around the house. It was another scorcher of a day. By the
time early afternoon arrived, I was a sweaty sticky mess. A quick dip in
the gulf before work sounded mighty enticing. I called Charlie and told him
what I wanted to do and asked if there was a place to change clothes. He
said I could use the bathroom so I was good to go.

The gulf did prove to be refreshing. I spent some time at the end of the
pier taking sun and watching the buzz around the marina. There were quite a
few more boats docked than the previous day. I was on my back with my hands
behind my head when I heard the rumble of boat engines getting close. I sat
up and watched a good size craft ply its way toward my end of the pier. It
was one of the bigger ones I had seen around the marina. I wasn't sure if
it was a yacht but it was certainly bigger than anything I had ever seen.

As I watched the boat navigate the waters of the marina, I could easily
observe the people on deck. There was a guy about my age in a bathing suit
and he was beautiful. Oops, that didn't sound right. The guy couldn't be
beautiful, girls are beautiful. He was, um, well he was, he looked
good. That's it, the guy looked good. I couldn't figure out why I was
intrigued with him. I let the thought pass although my eyes wouldn't let
him go.

They were far enough away that I could check him out without anyone aware
of what I was doing. The guy was gorgeous and graceful as he moved and was
looking at the pier in my direction. Oh my God! I didn't just think that
did I? Gorgeous? How can I say a guy is gorgeous? That's too weird or sick
or whatever; but I couldn't stop staring. I didn't know why, but I was
feeling something strange and getting excited, and liking the feeling a
whole lot! I imagined pressing my hardness against him and a gasp of air
escaped me. I wasn't sure what was coming over me and feeling guilty as
hell about it and good all at the same time.

I had similar urges before when I was with Jim. I fooled around with him
once back home and I was sure we weren't queer; we were just having fun, I
was pretty sure of that. But the dude on the boat was too much, I had never
been aroused by a guy before, it was an extraordinary and frightening
sensation. I shivered from what I was feeling. How odd it was to shiver on
a hot, humid day like this, but shiver I did. There was something else that
seemed to have a grip on me, a kind of hold. I was consumed with his image
and likeness, his presence and his body; yes, it was his body. I was
ashamed of myself and the sick thoughts I was harboring. I must be sick to
think of things like that. I'm so glad no one can read my mind, whew.

I wanted to leave for work but I was fully erect and forced to wait it
out. What a predicament, here I was unable to move because of my erection
and not able to deflate because the cause of it was getting closer! How the
hell am I going to get out of this? I wasn't at all sure I really wanted
to.

I rolled over on my stomach to wait it out. If I didn't look at him maybe I
could force him out of my mind. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep but
it wasn't working. My penis felt harder than the pier; it was aching for
release, and I wanted to release it on him. I couldn't believe it, I wanted
to cream on him! I have to be sick. Who else besides a sicko would think of
something like that?

I tried thinking about naked girls but I couldn't seem to conger the
image. How was I supposed to picture naked girls when the object of my
desire was so close? Damn it, I didn't want to think those thoughts. What
was this guy doing to me? What was I doing to myself?

I wanted to get out of there and distance myself from my thoughts. I didn't
want to be late for work either on my first day. I tried to think. If I
carried my backpack with my clothes in front of me, I could hide that thing
with a sick mind of its own. So I set the plan in motion. I pulled my
backpack in front of me and stood up. My tool was stuck in the netting
inside my bathing suit and forced itself outward. All I could do was reach
down and free it and I did so as discreetly as possible. I slipped my
sandals on, sauntered down the pier to the restaurant and went inside.

Charlie told me where the bathroom was and I went to change into my work
clothes. He also told me not to come inside again without a shirt. I
entered one of the stalls in the bathroom and locked the door. Whew, I
sighed in relief, I made it! Man, I must be one sick SOB. I thought it must
be because I don't have a girlfriend. If I had a girlfriend that wouldn't
happen; I would be thinking about her and not some guy. That would probably
be something I should look into when school got under way this fall.

Someone else entered the bathroom but I gave it no mind, I was safe. I
pulled my bathing suit off and my erection was standing proud at full mast
as hard as it had ever been. I stroked it a few times and it felt great. I
wanted to jerk off so bad it ached; I knew it was a dumb idea considering
my whereabouts. I pushed my hips forward as though the dude on the boat
were standing in front of me. I pretended I was rubbing it against him and
noticed a wet spot at the tip. I was pleased with the look and size of my
erection, I was proud of myself.

I put my clothes on and left the stall. I stopped at the vanity to comb my
hair and splash my face. When I dried my face off looking into the mirror,
I noticed someone's head above the toilet partition next to the one I was
in. To my horror, it was the dude from the boat! He was standing on the
toilet looking over the partition at me when I was changing!

I freaked out. I grabbed my backpack and ran out of the bathroom with my
face on fire. When I found Charlie in the dining room, I stumbled as I put
on the brakes. He gave me a strange look and I knew exactly why. I was
panting and my face was some kind of shade of crimson.

"You okay Val?"

"Yeah, I was afraid I was going to be late on my first day."

That was all I could come up with on short notice to justify my
condition. I hoped he believed me and it seemed to fly.

"Put your things in your locker in the kitchen and bring a cart back with
you. Take the dirty dishes from the waitress stands and ask Marla what to
do with them."

"Okay Charlie" I said as I turned in the direction of the kitchen.

Marla assigned me a locker and I put my things inside. She gave me a white
apron and told me where to find a cart; I found it and headed for the
dining room.

For lunch, the waiters and waitresses did their own bussing and the
dishwasher picked up the dirty dishes at their stations. For the evening
meal, there were busboys to do the dirty work for the waiters and the
dishwasher stayed in the kitchen. There were no women allowed to work in
the dining room after four in the afternoon, which seemed strange to me.

There were three waitress stands in the dining room and I began make my
rounds. The last one was at the front of the room. When I got there the guy
from the bathroom was waiting to be seated with his parents. He grinned at
me and I looked away as my face grew warm. I hurried to gather the dirty
dishes and get out of there. I was getting hard again but this time I had
an apron to hide behind. I couldn't understand what it was about the guy
that excited me and I hated myself at the thought of it.

Marla showed me the procedure and I began washing dishes. I couldn't get
that guy out of my head. My dick was hard again. His dark hair and
complexion were definitely Cajun and his brown eyes were as warm as the
Louisiana sun. His muscles were well defined and I longed to caress them.

The little path of hair between his belly button and swimsuit was the same
color and I pictured his naked crotch. The hint of hair in his pits and on
his legs was more than I could handle. I wanted to pop at the thought of
his naked body; it was all too much and yet gloriously irreverent. God I
guess I am sick or maybe gay. No I'm not gay, I can't be because nothing
happened.

Eventually my dick softened up. It had been hard, off and on, for most of
the night and was a little on the sore side from rubbing against my
clothing and the stainless steel sink I was hunched over. At closing time,
Charlie thanked me for doing a good job and encouraged me to keep up the
good work. I thanked him and left for the night. As I left, I noticed the
boat was still there that brought my fantasy and my crotch noticed as
well. I would have a great jerk off session tonight even if I was some kind
of sicko.

The next morning Mom told me she found a job. She would be working in a
cannery where they processed seafood. I asked her exactly what she would be
doing and she said cleaning whatever seafood the trawlers or shrimp boats
brought in. She would be gutting and filleting fish, extracting the meat
from shellfish getting them ready for processing. It sounded like a lousy
job to be honest but she seemed okay with it.

A couple more days passed and it was Friday. I had kept up the same routine
and pined from near and far for my fantasy. Somehow, the thought of it
didn't shame me anymore; I liked the feeling it gave me even if it was only
a fantasy and maybe a little perverted. It had become apparent that there
was some interest on his part as well. There had been too many incidents to
chalk it off to coincidence. Whether it was an exchange on the pier or in
the restaurant, there were casual glances and a lot of leering. I knew
there was something going on; it was stimulating and fun all at the same
time. I was feeling a lot less guilty and a lot more stimulation.

Of course, I couldn't wait to get back down to the marina every day and
continue my lop-sided love affair. I was pretty sure it wasn't a normal guy
thing but it was floating my boat! I decided I didn't have to be ashamed if
no one knew about it. I had plenty to think about when I went to bed,
that's for sure. I had given the bathroom incident some consideration. It
wasn't all bad. I rather liked being the subject of my own private voyeur,
and my voyeur was hotter than Tabasco sauce! Oh God, did I really think
that?

I couldn't stand the anticipation any longer, I went to the pier early that
day. The slip that held my 'dream boat' was abandoned. I was so crushed and
crestfallen I felt like dropping to the pier in a pile of emptiness and
despair. Why had I set my expectations so high? I don't know why I thought
he would be there. He was like all the rest of the customers, an itinerant
vacationer. This wasn't his home. How could it be, he was rich, his family
had a big boat. I sat down to wallow in disappointment and self-pity.

I tried to lift myself out of my melancholy state but wasn't having much
luck. I did some extra swimming and ventured away from the pier further
than I ever had. It was a bit on the scary side but hell, I was hoping a
shark would put me out of my misery.

I was back on the pier in my usual sun worshiping position when I felt
shade on my face. I sat up and took a minute to adjust my eyes. It was
Charlie.

"Hey Charlie, how you doing?" I said as I squinted at him with my hand
shading my eyes.

"Good, do you want to buss tonight?"

"Yeah sure, whose going to do the dishes?"

"Marla can handle them. Do you know how?"

"Yeah, keep the water glasses and coffee cups full, remove empty plates and
don't reach in front of the customer, make your presence little known. That
about it?"

"You have to serve the food when it's ready, speak only when spoken
to. When you're not busy stay out of mind and sight as much as possible,
okay?" he asked.

The busboys doubled as servers at our restaurant.

"Yeah sure, will you keep an eye on me just in case?"

"You can count on that" he said and turned to go.

I was excited about the change in my status. The waiters shared their tips
with the busboys-servers. I would be making more money; at least something
good happened today. I rolled over on my stomach and rested my head on my
arms to bask some more in the warm sun.

When I thought the time was right I made my way to the restaurant making
sure to put my T-shirt on. Charlie gave me a new uniform and I changed in
the bathroom. I liked the uniform it was nicer than any clothes I had at
home and Marla told me I looked handsome in it; that made me feel good. She
was a sweetheart, the grandmotherly type.

One of the other guys was mad that I was promoted so fast. He said he was
there for months before he got the job; he made a comment about poor white
trash and it hurt a lot, it struck a nerve. I pretended to ignore it. I
told him timing was everything and laughed. If someone hadn't quit I'd
still be washing dishes. We set the dining room up for the evening. We were
expecting to be busy; it was Friday night.

The evening was proceeding smoothly and the jerk that made the comment was
watching me closely. I didn't know his name and I really didn't care, why
can't people be nice to each other? If it were the other way around, I
would be happy for him not sneering and jealous. It didn't concern him
anyway, he should mind his own damn business. At one point, I gave him a
coy smile and hoped it irked the shit out of him.

We were busy but not so busy that we couldn't keep up and do a good
job. About 8:30 or so it happened; in walked my heartthrob with his parents
and they waited for Charlie to seat them. I was as nervous as could be. I
was having trouble not looking at him and he was following me around the
room with his eyes, I could feel it. And the worst part of all, Charlie
seated them in my section! There he was, the boy of my dreams sitting in my
section! I was doomed.

I did my best to be professional but I couldn't hide my hand shaking as I
filled his water glass. He sat opposite his parents and his mother noticed
it. As I stood next to him I thought I might faint, I felt weak and excited
and hell, I don't know what I was feeling; it was all new to me. I moved to
her side of the table and filled her glass first then the fathers' glass. I
beat a path out of there to try to compose myself.

I kept an eye on their water glasses as I tended the other tables; they
didn't order coffee so I didn't have to worry about that. Every time I
looked at the table, HE was looking back. It only served to make me all the
more jittery. When their food order was ready, I served the parents
first. When I came back with his meal, he rubbed my thigh with the hand he
had hidden under the tablecloth. I almost gasped out loud. I started
swelling up immediately. I wanted to rub my hardness on him so bad. I left
the table and headed for obscurity.

My penis was so hard I knew it was showing. The uniforms weren't tight but
they were snug enough to announce bulges and mine was long past the bulging
stage. I took a couple minutes to 'freshen up' in the bathroom. I was a
hormonal mess.

Kris, one of the waiters, came in the bathroom. When I looked at him, he
had a big shitty grin on his face.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked him.

"Why don't you just give him your phone number?" he pissed me off with that
'know all' grin of his.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"The guy at table twenty-two for fuck sake. The one you can't stop looking
at. The one that can't stop looking at you, that one."

"You're crazy. You don't know what the hell you're talking about" I said
and turned to leave in a huff.

I had to get back in there; I knew I was screwing up big time.

That little burst of angst was enough to subdue my
one-eyed-trouser-bass. Oh shit, that's what he ordered for his meal, bass!
Wait a minute; did I want to feed him my bass? How screwed up am I?

And that's not funny! I was having the biggest problem in recent memory,
maybe even ever.

I swung back into action and caught up quickly. Charlie was watching me
with a scowl on his face; I smiled at him and kept up the pace. He seemed
to be okay after a while.

I could feel HIM looking at me and I resisted the urge to look. Sooner or
later, I would have to give in to do my job. I noticed my waiter taking
their dessert order and waited for him to leave to clear their table. I
didn't want him to touch me again, well actually I did, so I stood a little
further away when I took his plate. I didn't want to get hard again; it was
too much of an ordeal. I still couldn't understand how one guys touch could
do that. I was pretty sure at this point that I was gay or bi but give me a
break; I don't have an on-off switch or anything.

I kept up just fine with everything the rest of the night. When my beauty
left, he looked me square in the eyes and smiled. He was standing behind
his parents, the chicken-shit. I very nearly wilted but managed to forge
ahead. I was getting better at handling my emotions, or so I thought.

There was only one table of drunks left so Charlie raised the lights and we
started clearing the dining room to send them the message.

Charlie approached me and asked what had happened when 'dream boat'
arrived. Of course, he didn't say that or know it but that was the moment
he was referring to. I told him that it got a little hot in the dining room
and I had to go to the bathroom. He was okay with my explanation and his
observation was duly noted; he knew I understood.

I retrieved my clothes from my locker and we all bade each other good night
and left for home. Kris cornered me on the deck outside the restaurant and
wanted to know if I got 'his' phone number and I told him to buzz off. He
persisted until I finally told him no. He laughed at me and said he didn't
think poor white faggot trash like me stood a chance with him.

I was sick at the stark realization that he might be right. I hated the
sound of the word faggot and its perverted connotation, but could I
honestly deny it? Was there any truth to it? However he chose to phrase it;
was it, in fact, true? I wanted to crawl under the deck with the cruel
reality that Kris laid on me. How could I entertain the thought of being
with him? I was living in a shack. I was poor white trash like Kris
said. As much as it hurt, I had to admit it. It was disheartening.

I undid my bow tie, unbuttoned my shirt, and pulled it out of my pants. The
restaurant was air-conditioned but outside; the night was muggy and hot. I
sat on a bench to relax before 'going home', or 'going shack' or whatever
you want to call it; either way, it was depressingly accurate.

The moon was bright and the water glistened with its reflection. Maybe I
was a poor kid but I didn't feel poor at this place in time. I felt like my
life was going good in spite of all that had happened. I had a great Mom,
maybe the best, a lousy house; I couldn't have everything, a good job and
someone to dream about. It was good enough for me and I relished the
thought. Screw Kris and his high and mighty attitude. It doesn't matter if
you're rich or poor. What matters is how you are when you're rich or
poor. Screw Kris. He lives here too. I wonder what his shack looks like?

With the beauty of nature in front of me and the thoughts that had just
swept through my mind, I thanked God for what I had. I was truly happy;
well, maybe it was contentment, but close enough for me. I appreciated what
he did for me and I thanked him.

Charlie was locking the side door and saw me sitting outside. He came out
and sat down on the bench.

"How's it going Val?"

"It's good Charlie" I paused for a moment. "I'm one of the lucky ones."

Charlie smiled, "Why do you say that?"

"Because it's true, I have the best Mom in the world, a job and...I don't
know...it's just true. I'm lucky Charlie."

"You're a good kid Val. You're young, you have a good head and your
fortunate to have the looks to go with it" he hesitated for a moment,

"Don't let him get away without trying" he said softly and elbowed me with
a breaking grin.

I raised my hands and lowered them and my head too in surrender. If Kris
and Charlie picked up on it then screw it. I was exposed. It wasn't a
secret any longer. Shit, when the hell does it start getting easier? I just
found out myself, more or less. I was over processed for the night; I felt
tired.

"I don't have much to say about it Charlie. I'm dirt poor; Kris called me
poor white faggot trash."

"Don't listen to him. He takes up time and space and that's about the best
thing you could say about him. You're holding the cards Val. You may be the
best thing he ever comes across. Don't sell yourself short. Are you willing
to give up without trying?"

"I don't know Charlie. No one knows I'm gay, hell I just admitted it to
myself and here you come across with all this. Then Kris starts asking
questions tonight. I'm tired, I'm going home."

"Okay Val realize this, you're your own architect in life. If you don't do
it for yourself, no one else will."

"Thanks Charlie, I'll remember that" the conversation over, Charlie went
inside and went about closing up.

I stretched out on the bench my shirt open and hands behind my head leaning
on the backrest. It was a nice evening; I listened to the sounds of the
night. It was kind of eerie and I thought about the walk home alone. I
realized I was hungry; I hadn't eaten all day.

A voice behind me said, "Hey".

I lurched forward, startled by the voice. I turned to see who was there. It
was him! I couldn't believe my eyes. My wildest fantasy was standing there;
there, in all his magnificence and beauty. And he was talking to me of all
people, poor little old me. I wasn't tensed up at all; a strange
tranquility overtook me, it was uncanny.

"Hi" I said, unsure of myself and what else to say.

"Can I sit with you?"

"Yeah, it's a nice night" I said. I wasn't uptight. My emotions had been
spent over the course of the evening, I was tired and calm.

He sat down next to me and said, "Do you mind?"

"No not at all, help yourself" and I went silent. I didn't get aroused, I
was emotionally and physically spent. He had drained me earlier along with
Kris and the fast pace of work.

We both sat in silence, venturing a glance or two at each other every so
often.

He ran his fingers through my hair and I leaned my head backward into his
hand.

He said, "The highlights in your hair look nice on you."

"Thank you," I said. I wasn't at all sure what he was talking about but I
was happy that he liked something about me.

I was lost, mesmerized by his touch. He was the most beautiful guy I had
ever seen. I felt weak and at the same time stimulated. I wanted to lie
down with him and experience all of him. He was enchanting.

I looked at those brown eyes with the long lashes above his high cheekbones
and fell in, hopelessly under his charm. I was as malleable as warm
dough. I was his for the taking and more than willing.

"You're beautiful. You know that?" he paused for a moment. "May I kiss
you?'

"No, yes, and you don't have to ask" I felt like I should pinch myself.

He wanted to kiss me! This boy I had been fawning over for days wanted to
kiss me! I never kissed anybody and now he wanted to kiss me. I released a
drawn out sigh.

He scooted closer and I turned my head to face him. We leaned toward each
other and kissed. When I pulled away I looked him in the eyes; they were
twinkling like the shimmering water in the moonlight. We kissed and touched
each other for some time; touching his face and body was like nothing I had
ever known, it was heavenly.

We eased back on the bench and gazed at the water occasionally making eye
and lip contact from time to time. Everything was just as I would have
ordered it given the opportunity. I stroked his forearm with my hand,
feeling the fine hairs and smooth skin; he was heaven on Earth and I
shivered again.

He looked at me and grinned, "What's your name anyway?"

We both had a laugh at the irony of his question. After all the tension and
posturing of the last few days, we didn't so much as know each other's
name.

The restaurant lights went out leaving us alone in the moonlight. I
realized that Charlie may have done some eavesdropping and felt a surge of
embarrassment. It would be hard to face him tomorrow.

"I'm Val."

"Nice to meet you Val, I'm Dave."

"The pleasure is all mine Dave, I'm sure," I said in a sarcastic tone to
diffuse the anxiety welling up inside of me.

He smiled and we turned our gaze to the gulf and the lapping water at the
shoreline. He had taken my hand and it felt so good, so romantic, so right
to be there with him, at his side. I wanted to caress and feel him but I
didn't, I was afraid of something and not at all sure of what it was.

"I should get going. I still have a bit of a walk to get home", I said.

I was getting nervous and not quite sure of what to do.

"I'll walk you home, okay?"

I tensed up instantly and sat upright. I didn't want him to see where I
lived. No way would he want to be with me if he saw our dumpy little
shack. It would be much too embarrassing; I would die if he saw it.

"That's okay. It's late and your parents will worry."

"It's no problem. They don't care. They went to bed hours ago. Besides, the
waves breaking on the boat make enough noise to hide footsteps."

"No, I'll walk alone. It gives me time to think" damn I was hoping that
would do it. I just simply cannot let him see where I live. I'd never be
able to look him in the eye again.

"Okay if you insist. Would you like to go fishing in the morning? We leave
around eight. Say yes okay? It'll be fun."

"I don't know. I have to work at three in the afternoon and I noticed you
didn't come back till after three today. I don't have any fishing gear
either."

"We have everything you need. As far as getting back before three, that's
not a problem. Mom and Dad were looking at a house in Grand Isle today,
that's why we were late coming back."

"Tell you what. If it's okay with my mother I'll be here at eight
otherwise, you'll know she said no. Okay?"

"Sounds good."

We both stood up and he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Good night good looking" he said then kissed me.

"Good night", I said and was unable to return his compliment. I felt
strange and I don't know why. It was too much for one night. And to tell a
guy that he's good looking, it was too much for me, as much as I wanted to,
I couldn't do it.

As I walked away, I looked over my shoulder to see him doing the same with
a grin on his face. It was too much to resist and I returned his smile; God
he was gorgeous and sexy and sweet and beautiful and delicious and...I ran
out of words and I was left with the feeling of...what was I feeling? Was I
infatuated? Was it a onetime thing? I never had these feelings before; was
it because someone showed interest in me? I wasn't sure.

As I walked home, I wondered if I would go fishing with him in the
morning. I was certain Mom wouldn't care, she would be at work; in fact she
would be happy for me. How could I possibly associate myself with him, he
was out of my league. Hell, my uniform was the best clothing I had; that
should tell me something shouldn't it? And how long would it be before he
found out where I lived and dumped me? And what happens when he goes home;
I'll be left behind nothing more than a passing fancy, and broken hearted!
Should I or shouldn't I? I really want to. I was a bundle of contradicting
emotions, I couldn't sort it out.

As I made my way home, my thoughts were a swirling cauldron of hope,
apprehension, desire, self-doubt, longing and denial. I was an emotional
tinderbox waiting for a spark to ignite, with a short fuse.



To Be Continued.