Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2003 22:51:28 EST
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: the story of us part 17

THE STORY OF US
BY: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed and would be very much
appreciated.  ENJOY!


His hand was on my chest pushing me into the mattress and I couldn't move.
I doubt if I ever wanted to move from this position ever again.  His head,
once high above, was now making a slow decent towards my chest.  I opened
my mouth trying to speak but words evaded me.  He put a single finger to
his lips and held it there, signaling for me to be quiet, I obliged.  His
tongue slowly exited his mouth and made contact with one nipple while his
hand worked on another.  I tried to move but I couldn't, my body was
frozen, I was frozen and then he spoke:

"Get up.  Get up."  Everything became hazy and his body seemed to dissolve
into thin air.  My eyes popped open and he completely vanished, a figment
of my over worked imagination.

"Bobby, get up, it's Richie."  Realizing where I was and what was happening
I shook my head of all thoughts, I couldn't be thinking about this, not
now.

The banging I realized was coming from the door and it was getting heavier.

"Hold up man."  I cried jumping out of bed and pulling on the nearest
article of clothing to me, a crumpled pair of boxers.

I made my way into the hall way and towards the door opening it.

"What time is it?"  I asked not quite getting a good look at him.  He
looked down at his hand and replied with, "7:30A.M."

"What happened?  Are you ok?"

"No, yes, I don't know, I just had to get away from there, I hope you're
not mad.  I know it's early and you probably have to go to the studio..."
before he could continue, I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

"You're welcome here any time Richie, you know that."

"Thanks."  Was his only response.

"You want some coffee or something?"

"No, I'm ok.  Go back to sleep, I just want to take a nap before I go back
over there."  I could hear the dread in his voice.

"You want to talk about it?"  I was tired, I was miserable and above all I
was confused but right now, none of that seemed to matter.  He needed me
and as strange as it may have sounded to my own ears, I needed him to need
me.

He shook his head and slowly made his way into the guest bedroom.  I
followed behind cautiously.  Knowing Richie as long as I had, he was liable
to break down at any second and I was determined for once to be right where
he needed me.

"Did he say something to you?"  I asked, my voice betraying my feelings.

"Huh."

"Michael.  What did he say to you?"

He shrugged it off, "he didn't have to say anything, just being an asshole
comes oh so natural to him, I hate it sometimes, you know."

And I did know.  Michael was never my favorite person in the world and
whenever it came to Richie, all bets were off, I was like a wary parent
watching my child when it came to that.

"Yeah I do know."  And as an after thought I continued with, "Why not come
back here Richie.  I know we have a lot to resolve but I liked having your
scrawny behind in my place."  He turned and smiled at me and then burst
into a fit of laughter.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"It's true Richie."  Since his arrival I had been somewhat on guard but I
had since relaxed my stance.  His look softened when I said that and a
smile now plagued his lips and I was reminded of that night in Jamaica, how
it was, how I felt just being there with him, making a dream come true for
him and I had to quickly make all those thoughts go away because I knew if
dwelled on it any longer, I might have started a chain reaction that I
couldn't have possible controlled.

"I appreciate that Bobby, I really do but ...I'm kinda missing my own
apartment, and even though it's crappy, it's mine and I want to go home."

"I feel you.  You know you have every opp to fix up that place, it's not
like you can't afford it."

"I know, it's just that I haven't had time."

"Well you have time now.  Without me as a client, you have all the time in
the world to do it.  And if you want, I'm here to help you, in whatever way
I can."  And I had to mentally kick myself for adding in that last part.

He seemed to pick up on it and let his head hang for a moment, "yeah, I
guess.  We'll have to talk about it."  And boy did we have a lot to talk
about.

"Well you get some sleep man and when you're up, maybe we can get some
lunch or dinner, whatever the case may be."

"Aren't you going into the studio?"

"I can go into the studio anytime but when do we get the opp to spend some
time together."  And I meant it, every single word.

"Ok, I think we'll do that but right now, all I'm interested in is sleep."
I was too.

"Get a good nap man."

"Thanks and Bobby."

"Yeah?"

"I appreciate it."

"Anytime."



I wanted to sleep, I could feel it wash over me but sleep refused to come
and instead I found myself wide-awake.  Wide awake and thinking.  Not about
anything in particular but I found that my thoughts were geared towards
him.  Towards how I felt about him and how I was prepared to deal with the
realities of the situation.  I had already put myself out on a limb once
but I was not sure I was prepared to do it a second time.  And a thought
popped into my head.  Maybe I should do like Michael and play the field,
enjoy my freedom while I was young, use and abuse men without thought or
consequence.  But even as I thought it, I knew in my heart I could never do
it.  It was just not in my makeup to be an asshole to anyone.  I couldn't
fuck someone for the sake of fucking them.  I needed more with sex or it
would never be pleasurable for me.  I needed the whole enchilada, the
feelings, the intimacy, the talks, the awkwardness, the works.  And at that
moment I came to realize that if I couldn't get the whole package, I didn't
want any of it.



"You slept ok?"  I looked up when I realized he was talking to me.

"Yeah."  I lied.  By the time I managed to quiet the voices in my head it
was almost three in the afternoon and I found myself unable to fall asleep.

"Good because I was thinking that maybe we could go out for dinner..."

"Ok."

"In New Jersey."

"Oh."

"If it's too far we can always go in the city, I just thought that..."

"No, it's fine Bobby.  Jersey would be great.  I haven't been to the garden
state in a while."  And while I was curious as hell to know what prompted
such a distance, I was glad that we would be getting away, even if it were
only for a couple of hours.

"Cool.  So you gonna stop by Michaels' before we go?"  I looked down at my
clothes and nodded my head.  The jeans and crinkled t-shirt look had to go
and knowing his taste in clothing...well, enough said.

"Yeah.  Got to take a shower and change you know.  I mean walking next to
you, I don't want to be looking like a bag man."

He started to laugh and lightly punched me in the arm.

"It's a dress down night Richie, I promise.  Nothing fancy, this place is
amazing, so laid back, so quiet, so isolated..." he paused and allowed his
eyes to continue holding mine and I wondered if he knew what he was doing
to me.  "Maybe it'll be just the right environment for us to talk.  Get
away from New York for a change..." he let his words trail off leaving me
to fill in the rest.

"Ok." was all I could say to that.

"Grab your coat.  I'll give you a ride over to Michaels and then I'm gonna
head out for a little while."  I didn't ask him where, instead I did as I
was instructed and met him at the car, jumped into the passengers seat and
leaned my head against the headrest, allowing my eyes to close and my
thoughts to wander.



"Richie."  I heard him call my name loud and clear but I refused to
acknowledge him, I was still mad about last night.

"So what, we're gonna play this game now, me talk while you pretend not to
hear me?"

I remained silent enjoying the fact that he was getting annoyed with each
passing minute.

"Hello!  Richie!"

And I couldn't help but let loose a giggle.

"You little fucker, you find that shit funny?"  A smile plagued his
handsome face

"Yes."

"Well have your laughs.  See what happens when you come back and find your
shit on my doorstep."  With that we both cracked up laughing.

After all the laughs died down I found myself wanting to talk to Michael,
to tell him about how I was feeling and what I hoped tonight would
represent but something held me back.  Maybe it was the fact that I knew
Michael would ruin my little fantasy with a sprinkling of the truth or he
would push me to do something I wasn't prepared to do.

"So are we cool?" he asked.

"About?"  I wasn't going to make this easy on him.

"You know what about."

"Maybe I don't."

"I'm not gonna spell it out for you Richie so if that's what you're trying
to get out from me, you won't get it."

And I found my resolve loosening, "ok, ok we're cool.  Aren't we always?"

He seemed to hesitate for a moment when he said, "yeah, I guess.  You
almost had me convinced."

"Had you convinced?"  I asked confused.

"Yeah, convinced that I was actually being an asshole."  And I thought, 'if
only he knew'.

"Well that's still being debated on."  I decided to change the subject and
turn the tables a little bit.  "What happened last night?"

His smile disappeared and he crossed his arms over his chest, he seemed to
be taking up that stance a lot lately, "Come on man, just when we're
actually getting things back on track."

And I decided that I wasn't about to let him let this slide, for once, I
was going to take the active role.  "Tell me Michael.  I'm your friend and
I'm worried about you."  And for a moment I thought he was going to storm
out but instead he shocked the hell out of me by pulling out a chair from
the dining table and sitting down.  I quickly followed suit not wanting him
to change his mind.

For a while he just stared at the wall behind me but when I gently touched
his face, he focused on me.  "You know what it is like not to have any
control over a situation Richie, to know that no matter how hard you try to
make things turn out your way, it just doesn't happen that way?"

I wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question or if it were directed to
me for answering so I kept quiet and he continued, "I don't know.  I
suppose I deserved the way things are turning out for me.  I've been as
asshole to a lot of people and the truth of the matter is that I could care
less.  I mean that's just me.  I like to fuck Richie.  It's a natural
feeling as wanting to breathe fresh air in the morning or taking a hot
shower after a long day at work."  He must have noticed me giving a look of
disdain for he was quick to add, "you were never a part of that equation
Richie.  If you don't hear anything else from me, hear this.  What you and
me had was a relationship that was better suited to be a friendship.  And
if truth be told, I'm glad it turned out that way.  I could have no better
friend than you to keep me in check."

By now I knew I was blushing.

"You make me see what an asshole I can be and I appreciate you for that,
which is why I feel so fucking low right now."

"Adam?"  I piped in.

"Yeah.  No matter what you may be thinking, the truth of the matter was
that I never wanted it to end this way."

"I don't see why it had to end at all Michael.  What more do you want from
him."

"Nothing, absolutely nothing!  I didn't want or need anything else from
Adam.  Adam wasn't even the fucking problem."

I didn't get it and I told him so.

"I don't get it either.  I mean with every other guy there was always a
flaw, an excuse and that's why things didn't work out but with Adam, he had
his own money, a good job, good looking, great in bed, a fucking
personality- Thank God!  I couldn't find not one flaw with him and then all
of a sudden I start thinking, the problem isn't with all these guys, the
problem is with me, I'm the one with fatal flaw and I knew once I realized
that, Adam would too."

"He wouldn't have cared Michael."

"But I would have.  I've been taught since I was a child never to shit on
people who do things for you.  I had so few people like that around me when
I was younger and now that I'm older, I can count on one hand the people
that have done things for me, including you.  I know Adam would have been
like that too.  Always wanting to help me out, give give give."

"There's nothing wrong with a man wanting to take care of you Michael.
Isn't that what every man wants?"

"Not me, I don't need to leach off of anybody for anything.  And I know
that if Adam and I were to have embarked on this great thing you call a
'committed relationship', I would only have ended up fucking it up and
hurting him more."

"So you just dump him without giving him the choice of whether or not he
wants to go through the long haul with you.  That is so selfish Michael."
I found myself getting deeply annoyed again.

"Yeah but it's better this way.  This way, he'll find a nice doctor or
neurosurgeon or whatever to get married to and he'll live happily ever
after without the excess baggage.  I'm doing him a favor Richie.  I'm
saving him hundreds of dollars of therapy sessions later on, trust me."

And as we both sat there quietly, Michael playing with his thumbs like a
schoolboy and me trying to think of a way to be assertive, I realized that
no matter what I said or did, Michael wouldn't change unless he wanted to.

"Answer me one question then."

"Last one, I feel like I'm in fucking counseling now."

 I didn't smile nor did I laugh for this wasn't a laughing matter, "do you
love him?"

And just when I thought he was going to run towards the hills screaming for
bloody murder, he stood his ground and leaned into me, "No."

"No?"

"No.  I care for Adam a great deal and he was more than a fuck buddy for me
but I didn't love him."

"But you could."

"I suppose, if I had given myself a chance to but it won't happen Richie.
This is one life I'm not going to fuck up."  And with that he walked away
from the table and our conversation leaving me to wonder what really
happened last night.



"So, let's talk."  I knew that this was coming, sooner or later we would
have to tuck away the pleasantries and bring out the big guns.  Dinner was
the best that I had had in a long time and the fact that I was in the
presence of royalty (or at least that was the impression I was getting from
the staff) well, enough said.  Bobby had gone all out to ensure that we got
catered to.  The place was practically cordoned off so that we had the
space we needed and the privacy we desired.  And I was beginning to enjoy
it all until he said those three dreaded words: So, let's talk.  I knew we
had planned this interface somewhat but I had hoped that we could have put
it off for a later date when I wasn't as nervous or as shy as I was right
now.

"Where do you want to start?"  I managed to squeak out.

"I don't know, I've never done this before."  We stayed quiet for a moment
and then two.

"I really made a mess of our friendship didn't I?"  He blurted out.


"We both said things and did things I suppose.  It's not all your fault
Bobby."

"It feels like it is.  I should have known better.  I knew how you felt and
I still went and crossed that line with you in Jamaica.  I'm sorry I
treated you that way.  It was never my intention Richie."

I could feel by heart beat increase, "it takes two to tango.  You couldn't
have gotten very far without my help.  I should have stopped you, maybe I
was the one that took advantage of the situation.  Maybe I was hoping...I
don't know."  I stopped short of making an ass of myself.

"No, continue, I want to hear what you have to say."

"It's nothing."  I said determined not to commit friendship suicide.  This
was just leading to another bout of insecurities and uncertainties and I
didn't think our friendship could survive that.

He surprised me and obviously himself by the look on his face by reaching
over the table and taking one of my hands in his.  "We both came all this
way to get away and talk.  I promise not to hold anything back if you
won't."  And if that was a proposition, I was all for it.

"Ok."  I paused and took a drink of water before slowly removing my hand
from his.

"I think, no...I know how I feel about you and I can't change that.  I know
that what happened was just one of those things for you.  That it probably
meant nothing ..." he cut me off,

"Is that what you think?" he asked, eyes blaring.

"Yeah." I said softly.

He shook his head and for a moment I thought that he would fly off the
handle.

"I can't believe you would think that much less say it.  How long we known
each other man?"

I shrugged my shoulders unable to respond with words.

"Longer than we probably known anyone else, that's how long.  We been
through hell and back and I know I ain't always been true to you but how
the hell could you think that what we did was one of those things."

"You ran out, remember.  You're the reason we left, you were
uncomfortable..."

"And I was an ass but I never, not for a second thought as what we did as
one of those things, whatever the fuck that means."

And I had to ask, "then what was it then?"

As expected, he looked away from me and diverted his attention elsewhere -
I knew he would.

"Bobby."  I called softly practically pleading with my eyes for an answer.

He turned to look at me once more and leaned in, "it was more than a fuck.
I don't know what it was but I know it was more than that."

It wasn't what I had wanted to hear but it was the truth and the truth as
strange as it may have seemed, was better than nothing.

The rest of our meal was spent in quiet and at the end of it all, he paid
the bill and we left.  As I headed to his car, I noticed him lounging
behind.

"What's the matter?"  I asked.

"You mind if we go for a walk.  Just for a little while."

"Yeah.  I mean sure we can walk."  It was a beautiful night, a cloudless
sky scattered with what seemed to be millions of stars.  We started walking
east, away from the riverbanks and most importantly, away from other
people.  For a few minutes neither of us said anything then,

"Why me?"  He asked.

"Huh."

"Why me?  Of all those other cats you got around you, why me?"  I knew what
he was asking but I didn't know what the answer to that was.

"I don't know."

"Ok."  He seemed to ponder for a second and then said, "when did you know
that, you know."

I smiled, "I guess I always felt something for you."  He stopped and turned
to me, "always?"

"It wasn't always like this, this strong, this deep but it was there.  You
were my best friend, you still are and you've been there for me through a
lot of shit."

"I love you Richie, I really do..."

"But you don't love me, I get it, I do."  And to my surprise he quickly
shook his head.

"It isn't like that.  I've been thinking about that night in Jamaica like
crazy and no matter how hard I try to forget about what went down, I can't.
That must mean that it's important to me."  I was hopeful but I wasn't
going to over do it.  A lot of guys had gay experiences and some even felt
that 'thing' but that didn't mean that all of them instinctively switched
teams and besides, Bobby was not a lot of guys.  He was a major recording
artist with a lot at stake - something that I couldn't, something that I
wouldn't ask him to give up for a relationship that was unlikely to survive
the first year.

"I can't see us all wrapped up with each other."  I was dejected, I really
was but I wasn't surprised.

"Richie."  He said noticing the look on my face.

"Yeah."  I answered.  I could feel my eyes get misty and it was like I just
knew.

"You ok?"  I really wasn't but I told him I was.

"You want to turn back now?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.

I really did but I wanted this out of the way, I wanted the air to clear, I
wanted the truth, no matter what it was.

"No, let's finish talking."  We walked along the edge of the bank for
another fifteen minutes in total silence until, "what I was saying before
about not seeing us wrapped up in each other was only part of it.  I can't
see that but I can feel it, I felt it.  Being with you in Jamaica was one
of the most incredible things that ever happened to me man.  With Ernie, It
was easily forgotten but with you, I can't even explain how I felt."

"That's how sex is supposed to feel."  I stated.

He stopped again and this time he took both my hands in his, "it wasn't
just the sex.  I know good sex, I've had lots of good sex but this, this is
more than sex, I can feel it.  It actually feels like a crush."

And to say I was left speechless was an understatement - Big Time!

"You don't have to appease me Bobby.  I'm old enough to handle a let down."

"Well I'm glad you are but this won't be one."

"What?"

"I think maybe we could try this out for a while - that way we can see if
we fit together or not."

I was elated, more than elated, more than...

"I'm not saying it's gonna work out or anything but I don't want to not do
it and have the what ifs on my mind."  And noticing my lack of speech he
said, "you still want this don't you."

I barley managed to get out a "yes."

"Ok, it's settled.  Now to seal this deal."  And as he approached his music
and his life, he approached me - with full-blown PASSION.  His lips felt
scorched against mine and I craved that taste.  His tongue slowly left his
mouth and entered mine, an all access moment that I hoped and prayed would
go on forever.  And when we finally pulled apart and he looked at me and me
at him, I couldn't help but think that this was all worth it.  All the shit
that I went through was all worth this one moment for me to be happy and
happy was what I was.

SORRY GUYS BUT I'VE BEEN BUSY.  HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS NEW INSTALLEMENT; IT'S
DEDICATED TO YOU GUYS.  I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!!!
ENJOY!!!!