Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2000 19:00:20 EDT
From: Tony Malone <B.Ricchone@verizon.net>
Subject: Telephone Tag

This story tells about sex between men. If this offends you, or if you're
too young to be reading this kind of stuff, please hit "Back" right now.

Telephone Tag

I don't know if you've called Japan lately, but they have set up satellite
relays and booster stations so that it's like you're talking to someone
next door. On the other hand, of course, you call Hackensack and it's like
you're trying to get through to Mars. So when I picked up the phone last
night and it was my buddy, roomate, lover, whatever you want to call him,
Jim, I found it hard to believe that he wasn't calling from down the
street, but from the other side of the Earth. He cut to the chase pretty
quickly.

"Remember how I said not to worry if you got horny while I was away? Well
are you horny?" He had only been away two days but I already had a severe
case.  Seven o'clock on a Friday night, nowhere to go and no one to be
with, my balls getting heavier by the minute. I had been pacing around the
apartment thinking, I'll admit it, bad thoughts about my faithfulness to
Jim. I just said: "Yep."

"Well here's what I want you to do. It's Saturday morning here, I'm lying
in bed naked with a giant hard-on. Now listen carefully. I want you to
undress real slow, and tell me all the time exactly what you're doing, get
it?'' Jim thinks of everything. I just said: "Yep," but I could feel my
cock starting to get interested.

I stood up and cradled the phone in my shoulder. Thank God for cordless! I
started unbuttoning my shirt. Jim must have heard something because he
said: "Hey, what are you doing? You're supposed to tell me everything!"
"Okay, I just stood up, and I'm undoing the top button on my shirt. Now I'm
undoing the next button, and now the next one." "Hold it! Not so fast!"
said Jim.  "Reach into your shirt now and feel your pecs. Run your hands
over them the way I like to do. How do they feel?" "They feel okay." "No,
do they feel smooth and meaty?" "I guess so." "Do they bunch up when you
pull in your elbows?" I had never done this before on purpose, but it
worked. "Yep."  "Now I want you to lick your finger and run it around your
left nipple. I love your little nipples. Stroke it until it pops up." "It's
up." "Now pinch it."  "Okay, I'm pinching." "No, I mean pinch it hard!"
"Ow! That hurts!" There must be a nerve going straight from my nipples to
my penis, because it gets frantic.  "How's your cock?" Jim knew me better
than I did. "Listen, Jim, I can't take any more of this. I'm going to come
in my pants!"

"No! Hold it! Stop what you're doing, relax, go into the bathroom and wash
your face with cold water." "Okay, I'm walking to the bathroom, I'm turning
on the water. Wait just a sec." I have to put down the phone to splash
water on my face. "Okay, I've done it." "Now how's the cock?" "Okay, I
guess."  "Listen, man, I want to make you come by fucking you in the ass."
"How're you going to do that?" "Just pay attention. Take off all your
clothes.  Watch yourself in the mirror and keep me posted so I can enjoy it
too."  "Okay, I'm unbuttoning the rest of my shirt and taking it off. Have
to shift the phone around for a sec. I'm back. Now I'm unlacing my shoes
and taking them off. The right one, now the left one." "Hold it. Pick up
that shoe and sniff it. What do you smell?" "I smell leather, I smell
shoe-polish, I smell foot-odor, I guess" "Thanks. I love the smell of your
feet. I should tell you that I'm lying on my back and squeezing my cock as
you're telling me this, and it feels great. Go on." "Okay, I'm taking off
my socks, okay that's done and now I'm unbuckling my belt. I'm unbuttoning
the top button on my pants and now I'm unbuttoning my fly." "Look in the
mirror and tell me what you see." "I see my bare chest and I see the top of
my jockeys and I see a vee of white where my fly is open." "And in the
vee?"  "I don't see too much because my cock is caught in my pants leg."
"Take off the pants!" "Okay I'm pulling off the left leg. That feels good!
My cock is loose now and I can see it sticking up in my jockeys. Now I'm
pulling off the right leg." "What are you wearing now?" "Only my jockeys."
"Look in the mirror and flex your muscles like you do when you want to turn
me on. What do you see?" "I see myself. My cock is standing straight out
and stretching my jockeys. I can see it throbbing." "Take off the jockeys!"
I pulled them down.  As the elastic waistband passed over my cock it
bounced up and slapped my stomach. "Whoa! What's going on?" "My cock
bounced up and hit me in the stomach." "I heard it! Now look in the
mirror. What do you see?" "I see me with a hard-on." "You're naked?"
"Yeah." "Stark naked?" "Yeah." "That's the way I like to see you. You have
such a cute body!"

"Now let's get to work. Open the medecine cabinet and take out the
vaseline."  "Okay, I've got it."  "Take a gob of vaseline, squat down and
lubricate your ass. Smear the vaseline around the rim and slide your finger
in to spread it around the inside. Take your time, but tell me what you're
doing." "Okay, I've got the vaseline, I'm squatting down, I'm doing the
rest." "Tell me in detail!" "I'm smearing circles around the rim of my
ass. I can feel the little puckers in the skin. Now I'm sliding my finger
in and twisting it around and around to spread the gunk." "Good work. Now
stand up and look over to the right side of the toilet. What do you see?"
"I see the toilet brush and the plumber's helper." "Good. Take the
plumber's helper." This is like a 2-foot broomstick with a big suction cup
on one end. We use it when the toilet gets clogged.  "Take the vaseline and
grease the top ten inches of the handle." "Okay, I'm doing it, it's done."
"Now stand the plumber's helper in front of the sink.  Think of it this
way. I'm lying on my bed with my cock pointing straight up.  The handle of
the plumber's helper is the top of my cock. You're going to lower yourself
down onto it and you'll be squatting on my bed lowering yourself onto
me. I'll be fucking you right through the Earth." "But wait a minute. it's
two feet long!" "You don't go all the way, shithead! You'll know when to
stop. Now put your feet on both sides of the cup and squat down until you
feel the tip of the handle against your asshole."  "Okay I can feel it."
"Now rub the tip around the rim of your ass a bit and start wiggling your
ass to slide it in.  Go easy, because it's thicker than your finger!"
"Okay, I'm rubbing it around, I'm pressing down on it, it's starting in,
it's blocked, I'm pushing against it, it's going in." Actually it's no
sweat. The handle is like a very skinny cock.  It slides right in. "Hey,
talk to me! That's my cock you've got there! How far in am I?" "About eight
inches." "Wait a minute. Are you holding on to the sink?" "Yeah. This squat
is hard to hold!" "Come on, man, you're a skier. Let go of the sink and
stand on your own two feet." This is extra hard because I'm still cradling
the goddam phone in my shoulder and that's throwing me off balance. "Okay,
I'm doing it, but I can't do it for long." "You'll do it long enough. Now
wiggle your hips a little to rotate my shaft in your ass." "Jesus!  It hit
my prostate! I'm going crazy! And my legs are killing me!"

Next thing I heard over the phone was a loud knocking and a woman's voice
speaking, and then shouting, a flood of what must have been Japanese. Jim
said: "Oh, shit!" and the line went dead.

I put the phone on the sink and pushed the hangup button so Jim could call
back.  Luckily there was no vaseline on my left hand. I cheated and leaned
on the sink but the friction in my ass was driving me bananas. I just
brushed my fingers against my cock and it jumped around like a puppy
begging for a rub. I was dying to jerk off but I wanted to save my load for
Jim. The phone rang. Thank God!  "Quick, I need you!" "Is that any way to
answer the phone? I've been trying to get through to you for half an hour!
You didn't call me this week, and you knew I had a dentist's appointment on
Wednesday!" My mother! "Mom, listen, can I call you back? I can't talk just
now." "And what's so important that you can't talk to your mother? Your
voice sounds really strange. Are you okay?" "I'm perfectly fine, as a
matter of fact I'm cooking right now." "Cooking! So what are you cooking?
Something unhealthy I suppose." "Mom! I'm cooking pasta and it has to be
drained this very minute! I'll call you back, I promise!" "You don't sound
right. Are you sure everything is okay?" "Everything's okay, Mom, I'll call
you right back!" I hit the hangup button.  I think this was the first time
I had ever hung up on her.


My cock had stayed completely rigid during the whole conversation. Just the
tiny back-and-forth of staying in balance generated enough exotic friction
up my ass to keep me excited. But now even with me leaning on the sink my
legs were starting to give out. If I relaxed them the handle would slide
way up into my colon and maybe kill me. Keeping them half bent like this
was torture. I stood up straight. The plumber's helper slowly, slowly slid
out of my ass and then dropped down. The suction cup bounced when it hit
the floor. Now I was really "all alone by the telephone," with a hard-on
and nowhere to put it.

The phone rang again. "Hello?" "Sorry, little buddy, it was a room-service
screw-up. It took five minutes to straighten it out. None of them
understand English. But thinking of you naked in the bathroom stuck on that
handle got me hard again right away. How are you doing?" "My mom called, my
legs got tired, I stood up, it slid out." "Well, get back on, man! My cock
wants some action!  Just tell me what we're doing."  Why not. "Okay, I'm
rubbing my hole against the tip of your cock." "Great, I can feel it." "I'm
wiggling my hips to get the tip just inside, and reaming it around." "Yes,
yes, more!" "I've lowered my ass an inch and now it's blocked." "Come on,
push!" "I'm pushing, pushing and now you're through, you're sliding right
up into my gut." "This is great, man, I've got both hands around my
cock. It's like I'm inside you." "Now I'm shifting my hips around, like a
very slow hula dancer." "Wow. I can do that with my hands. This is too
much, little buddy, I think I'm starting to come!"  "It bumps my chestnut
every turn. My cock's going wild. I'm going to come right in the air!"

That's when my doorbell rang. A voice shouted: "Open up, police!" "Holy
shit!  The cops are here," I said to Jim. "Just a minute!" I called. I
pushed the hangup button. I stood up, pulled the plumber's helper out of my
ass and left it standing by the sink. I grabbed a towel and held it around
me as I ran to the door. I opened it, and it was two young cops pointing
their guns at me.  "Jesus!  Officers, what's up?" I was still up myself but
I hoped they wouldn't notice.  "Telephoned report of attempted burglary in
this apartment. Said maybe tenant was being held hostage." My mother! "Mind
if we look around?" "Go right ahead." What could I say? So the cops started
this whole Mel Gibson routine, sidling around the room with their pistols
cocked at their shoulders, two-handed grip of course, kicking open the
doors to the bedroom and the kitchen. Finally one pushed open the bathroom
door with his foot and eased himself in, gun first.  I heard him call out:
"Hey, Bernie, look what we have here. I think this man is a pre-vert."

Bernie, I guess that was his name, holstered his gun and walked into the
bathroom. "Yes, Salvatore, this does look like a pre-version to me. You
know what our policy is with pre-verts! Come in here, fella, and drop that
towel."  I obeyed.  "Hey, look at that cock all swelled up. This guy must
have been just about ready to come when we got here. Did you have that
thing up your ass, fella?" I nodded. He was a cop, after all. "And were you
banging your meat at the same time?" I shook my head. "Come on, Sal, this
is an emergency!" I've heard of firemen getting into their clothes in five
seconds flat, but this was the opposite. In no time I was on my hands and
knees by the bathtub with Sal holding my hips and sliding his handle in and
out where the plumber's helper used to be.  Bernie was curled up next to me
letting my cock rock and slap through his hands. His own was throbbing in a
very appetizing way. Obviously the fun was just starting. I felt bad for
Jim, but maybe room service fixed him up with something.