Date: Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:47:24 +0000 (GMT)
From: Nexis Pas <nexispas@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Unstable Equilibrium

                    Unstable Equilibrium

                          Nexis Pas
	   Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved.

  Nexis Pas asserts the moral right to be identified as the
                    author of this work.



`It's a wonder it stood all these years.' Dahl nudged Cab
with his elbow. They both tilted back on their heels and
peered up through the hollow shell of the old house.

Cab nodded his head. Dahl was right, he thought, it was a
wonder. Over the past few weeks, the builders had gradually
gutted the inside of the building and then began removing
the exterior, starting with the slates that covered the
roof. The eaves troughs and the windows had been taken away
next. The past week they had removed the long boards that
had covered the outside of the house. Each piece had been
carefully numbered and inventoried. Only the timbers that
formed the frame of the house remained, set on a stone
foundation. They were blackened with age and eaten away at
the edges. It looked as they had been through a fire. The
wood was so decayed that Cab felt he could tear a piece away
with his hands and crumble it into dust and ashes in his
fists. Then the slightest push would cause the structure to
tilt and then slowly collapse to the ground, leaving only a
momentary cloud of dust to record its existence.

`Habit. That's what it was. It was habit that held it
together all these years. It just got used to standing
there, and it never thought about doing anything else.'

Cab smiled at his friend and repeated the word `habit'. He
laughed and said the word again. Dahl had good notions
sometimes. `That's good.'

Scaffolding rose both inside and outside what remained of
the old house. A large sign hung halfway up the front
proclaimed `Winters Property Services. Specialising in
Restorations and Renovations' with the address and a phone
number below. The lettering was in an antique style, and Cab
had had to ask Dahl to read the sign to him. The two of them
had run across the site in one of their long rambles about
the city a few weeks before.

Cab liked to rummage through the discards left on the
pavement to find things to add to his collection. He
especially liked searching through the rubbish at demolition
and renovation sites. A lot of the stuff there was really
old, and he had found some of his favourite treasures that
way. Dahl had once asked him how he chose stuff for his
collection. He had tried to explain. Most of the objects
were dead. He wasn't interested in the dead things. But
other things spoke to him and told him their story. A lot of
the stories were happy ones and those he put at the front of
the collection, so that he could listen to them often. Some
of them were sad, and he didn't listen to those much.
Sometimes he was in the mood for a sad story, though. He
might cry a bit when he heard it, but he felt better after.
There were other things, horrible things, with awful
stories. At first when he had run across one of those, he
always broke it. Usually that was enough to silence it, but
from time to time he ended up making two things with bad
stories where there had been only one. Now whenever he found
one of the bad things, he covered his ears and hurried away.
Dahl had to run to keep up with him.

He had tried to explain this to Dahl, but Dahl just got that
confused look on his face that he got sometimes when Cab
tried to talk to him. Cab knew he wasn't making any sense.
The words were clear in his mind, but he could never get
them to come out together in the proper way, not like Dahl
and other people. And then he got frustrated and angry and
stopped trying to speak. Dahl told him it was all right. He
put his arm across Cab's shoulders and hugged him and told
Cab that he understood. But Cab knew he didn't. Dahl didn't
hear the stories. No one heard the stories. That's what made
him different, Cab knew that. Things spoke to him. But Dahl
was being nice to him. He was trying to help Cab. And so Cab
put his arms around Dahl and did the things that Dahl liked,
the things that left Dahl speechless and groaning.

Cab hadn't been able to add anything to his collection from
this site, however. Since the day he and Dahl had first
spotted the builders at work, he had made sure that he led
Dahl down this street every day so that he could check.
These builders weren't discarding anything, though.
Everything that was removed from the house was tagged. The
man who was in charge stuck a label on every item and then
recorded it in a computer before the workmen removed it. Cab
and Dahl had watched him long enough that they knew the
routine now. Each item was plotted on drawings of the house
and given a code and then stowed on a truck to be hauled
away to a warehouse.

They hadn't known what the man was on about until one day
some other man who stood there with them watching had asked
him what he was doing. Kurt-that was his name, they found
out later-motioned the other man forward to show him what
was on the computer screen. Dahl and Cal had taken that as
permission for them to have a look, too. Kurt spread out the
house plans. `We given each room a number. The walls are
labelled N, E, S, W, for north, east, etc. The ceiling is C,
and the floor is F. Each item gets a code that shows what
room it came from, and where in that room it was. After we
replaced the studs and joists, we'll rebuild the place.
We'll put everything back where it came from. We reuse as
much of the original as possible. If a piece is too damaged,
then we use it as a model and make a new one to match. That
way, when we finished, the building will look the same as it
did before, but it will be reinforced, and it will have new
wiring and modern plumbing and heating. But all that will be
hidden. It will look just like a house built in the
nineteenth century.

`He has a good body, nice hands, strong hands, thick arms,'
Dahl said later. He and Cab were sitting in their pub having
the pint they allowed themselves each day.

Cab nodded. He knew who Dahl was talking about. `Nice voice.
Polite.' Now it was Dahl's turn to nod. They had similar
tastes in men. Neither of them said anything more about
Kurt, but both knew that they had reached a decision about
him.

Thereafter they visited the site each day unless the weather
was very bad and watched for an hour or so. Kurt and the
other workmen got used to the two of them standing there,
Cab with his stolid, expressionless face and the talkative
Dahl commenting on everything they did. Cab and Dahl wore
the same heavy black wool jackets each day and had stocking
caps pulled low on their heads. Their hands were thrust into
their pockets. They would take up a position out of the way
and stand there, hardly moving from the spot. Their eyes
never missed anything.

Kurt became so accustomed to them that he waved when he saw
them. Dahl would wave back. Cab just nodded, trying to be
friendly like--he wasn't one for grand gestures like Dahl.

`Ask Kurt about habit.'

`You want to hear him talk again?'

Cab nodded.

`Come on then.' Dahl led the way across the street, and they
waited politely until Kurt had finished speaking with one of
the workers. `We was wondering. What was holding the
building together. Me mate here says it was habit.'

`Your mate's not far off the mark.' Cab blushed. He knew it
hadn't been his idea, but he liked that Kurt gave him the
credit for it. In a way, now it was his idea. Dahl had just
made him a present of it. Dahl was nice to him. He wished he
could touch Dahl to thank him, but Dahl had said that he
mustn't touch him that way in public. That other people
wouldn't understand. But then Kurt started speaking again,
and Cab had to pay attention to him.

`It's called "unstable equilibrium". Any one part wouldn't
hold up, but all the parts together balance each other out.
The strength of one part makes up for the weakness of
another. It is kind of like the house had gotten into the
"habit", as you said, of being a house, and it just remained
that way. But if you take any part away, the rest would
becomes unstable and the house might collapse if it weren't
propped up. But even if you replace the missing part, you
can't get the structure back to the way it was before. Same
if you add anything new. That's what makes it "unstable".
Some systems return to the same equilibrium each time, and
that's a stable equilibrium. Other systems have to find a
new equilibrium each time something is changed, and that's
an unstable equilibrium. And if you're not careful with a
house this old, the new equilibrium might be as a pile of
boards lying on the ground.'

Cab and Dahl smiled at Kurt. Dahl thanked Kurt, and the two
of them walked back across the street and watched for a bit
longer. Cab didn't really understand the explanation, but he
would puzzle over it. Eventually he would process it, and it
would become part of the way he looked at things. Dahl had
already forgotten it. He hadn't cared what the explanation
was. He had just asked because Cab wanted to know.

`Gay,' said Cab.

`You're sure?'

`Yeah.'

`Wonder where Kurt lives?' Dahl spoke with more interest now
that he knew that Kurt was gay. Cab was never wrong. He
always knew. Somehow the way that men reacted to his looks
and his manner told Cab if they were gay or straight.

`Sign.' Cab suggested.

Dahl looked at the sign on the scaffolding. `Kurt Winters,
do you think?'

Cab shrugged.

`Upper Bingham Circle, no. 23,' Dahl read the address on the
sign aloud. "That's all houses up there. Maybe he runs the
business out of his house.'

`Not far.'

`No, it's an easy walk. We could go tonight. If we see his
van, we know it's him.'

`Talks nice.'

`You want to talk like that?'

`Yeah.'

`He can teach you.'

`Nah. Couldn't learn. Besides.'

`Yeah, he'll be like the rest of us. Won't talk much after a
while.' Cab and Dahl smiled.

`No talk. That's nice, Dahl.'

They waited until eight that night before they ventured out.
Cab put on his coat and waited on a chair in the front hall
while Dahl did the washing up. Dahl looked down the hallway
as he dried his hands on the towel looped through the handle
of the refrigerator. `All ready then? Let me just have a
piss, and I'll be right with you.'

Cab nodded and smiled.

When Dahl came back, he bent over and kissed Cab on the ear
and whispered, `Who's me horny lad then?' He blew a puff of
air into Cab's ear and then licked it with the tip of his
tongue. Cab giggled.

`Me.'

`We can continue this later, if you like.'

`Like.' Cab rubbed the back of one of Dahl's thighs as Dahl
pulled his coat from the peg and put it on. Dahl hummed to
let Cab know that Cab was making him feel good.

`You should put your gloves on. It's colder tonight. You got
your keys?'

Cab nodded. `New trainers.'

Dahl looked down at their shoes. `Yeah, it's about time.
We've been walking a lot lately. Time to replace these
pairs.'

Dahl turned off all the lights but the small one in the
front hall and locked the door behind them. The two of them
walked off, Dahl chattering away and Cab dipping his chin
from time to time to show that he was listening.
Occasionally he said `right' or `left' to indicate where
they should turn. Cab's internal map of the city was never
wrong, and Dahl never questioned his directions.

Upper Bingham Circle wasn't well lit. The streetlights were
far apart and weren't very strong. The pulses of light
coming through the curtains of most of the houses revealed
that people were watching the telly. Number 23 was dark. No
one appeared to be at home. Dahl and Cab stopped and looked
down the driveway that led to a garage behind the house. A
white van like the one Kurt owned was parked outside.

`Same license.'

`So it's his house then. But doesn't look as if he's home.'

`Pub.'

`Maybe. What's the nearest one?'

`Mansard. Kenner Road.'

`He might have another car, though. Could be anywhere.
Should we have a look in at the Mansard? Just to see if he's
there. Then we can go home.'

`Not go in.'

`I'll just pop my head in as if I'm looking for a friend,
like. You can wait outside. I won't be but a minute. You'll
be fine. I'll just look in and then come right back.'

`Ok.'

Dahl kept his word. He knew that Cab would get upset if he
didn't and might start fussing. It wasn't always easy to get
him calmed down in public. In private, there were ways to
distract him and make him happy, but in public Dahl had to
be more discreet. So he opened the door to the Mansard,
looked around briefly, and then came back. `He's there. By
himself and watching the telly.'

`Saturday.'

`Yeah, I'll go back on Saturday. But there's no way to be
sure he'll be there. We were just lucky tonight.'

Cab smiled. `Saturday. Kurt at Mansard.'

`You're not always going to be right, mate. One of these
days you'll be wrong.'

`No. Always right. Know.'

`Yeah, somehow you do, Cab.'

`Helping. Thanks.'

`My pleasure, luv.'

`Ear.'

`Yeah. Just what I was thinking.'

*******

On Saturday night, Dahl arrived at the Mansard at 7:30. He
got a pint and then found a seat along the bench against the
back wall. He wanted to be there when Kurt came in and
looked around. Just be part of the scene. The pub wasn't
busy yet. It was raining again, and that may have kept
people away. That was better for what he had to discuss with
Kurt. Some things were easier to say when you didn't have to
worry about others listening in.

Anyone who didn't know Cab would have thought it a daft
errand. To sit there and expect someone you didn't know to
talk with you. But Cab was always right. When he wanted to
know things, somehow he always did. So Dahl was patient.
Kurt would show up, and he would see Dahl sitting there and
recognise him and come over to say hello. Which is precisely
what happened.

Kurt walked in just after 8:00, went to the bar and got a
drink. He stood there joking with the barman for a minute.
When the barman left to attend to another customer, Kurt
turned around and slowly surveyed the other customers. His
eyes drifted from person to person, some he passed by
quickly, on others his gaze lingered. He lifted his glass to
greet a couple of people he knew. And then he looked at
Dahl.

Dahl sat there, staring at Kurt, refusing to shift his eyes
away. He could see that Kurt was trying to place him and
remember how he recognised Dahl. Eventually he did. He
turned to the barman, pointed at Dahl, and then ordered a
second pint for Dahl. He walked over, carrying a pint glass
in each hand. He sat one down in front of Dahl, next to the
first glass.

`Where's your brother, then?'

`He's not my brother. Lots of people make that mistake.'

`Sorry. You look so much alike, I thought you must be
brothers. Didn't think the two of you were ever separated.'

`Saturday he spends with his family. It's my day off until
they bring him back about 10:30.'

`Day off? You make it sound like a job. The two of you never
seem to do anything but watch other people work. Lots of
people would like a job like that.'

`Taking care of Cab is my job. His family hired me to do it.
And he likes to wander around and watch people and collect
things. That's what he does. He collects things. I just make
sure he doesn't get into trouble.'

`Trouble?'

`You've seen him. What he looks like. Lots of people fancy
him. If someone's nice to him, then he goes with them.
Before I started watching out for him, he would wander
around and people would take advantage of him. Men mostly.
Sometimes if they weren't nice to him, well what he thinks
of as nice, he'd get upset and there would be problems. So
his family hired me. So now I go along with him and keep him
out of trouble.'

`He's simple, then?'

`No. Cab's smart enough. There's just something wrong with
his brain. He can't get sentences out. Just words. And when
people want him to speak and he can't, he gets upset and
then angry. I know how to keep him calm.'

`That's why he never says much.'

`He's special like. He doesn't see the world like the rest
of us. Cab knows things.'

`Got the second sight, has he?' Kurt's mouth curled into a
sneer.

`Yeah, he knew where I could find you tonight, and he sent
me to get you.'

`To get me? What's he want me for?'

`What do you think? He fancies you. He's gay. You're gay.
Two men together in a bed. You figure it out.'

Kurt scowled at Dahl. He didn't like the answer. `So you
find him dates. Is that part of your job description? That
must have given the people at the Jobcentre a laugh when
they read that.'

`He finds his own dates. He just saw you and heard you
talking, and he decided that you're "nice". That's his
grandest praise. "Nice." He decided you're nice. My job is
to talk to you, explain what's what, and bring you back.'

`This is weird.'

`Some people might think it is. But once you know Cab, it
won't seem weird. Think about it. Why did you buy me a pint?
How often do you do that for someone who's been hanging
around, watching you work? You don't even know my name. You
saw me and you thought about Cab, and you're hoping if you
chat me up, you'll get to meet him.'

`I just felt like doing it. Okay? No big deal. And what's
your name?'

`Kevin, Kevin Dahl. But Cab always calls me Dahl. That's
another thing he doesn't like. He wants everything to have
its own name, separate like. He already knows someone called
Kevin and so he calls me Dahl. You must be the only Kurt he
knows because he calls you that.'

`How'd you know my name?'

`Your men call you that.'

`Oh, yeah, right. And his name is Cab?'

`That's what he calls himself. He won't tell anyone why.'

`And what if I fancy you instead of this Cab?'

`You never do. It's him you want. He knows that, or he
wouldn't have sent me to get you. If he thought you wanted
me, he would have told me.'

`So you're here to deliver the goods, me being the goods.'

`Yeah, and to explain some things you should know.'

`Like what?'

`Just don't expect him to talk. If you want talk, you do the
talking. He'll nod his head or maybe say a word here and
there. But don't ask him any questions. He can't get an
answer out. And be nice to him. That's all you have to
do-just be nice to him. He'll do the rest. He always seems
to know exactly what his men like. You'll have fun. He'll
make sure you enjoy yourself. All his dates end up moaning
their heads off. He'll leave you speechless.'

Kurt smirked in disbelief. `And what about you? You stand
around taping the action or something?'

`I sit downstairs and watch the telly. After the guy leaves,
I go upstairs and we go to bed. Sometimes he wants to tell
me a story about the guy. Not a real story. Not what you or
me would call a proper story. What he calls a story. It's
just stray words. He can't put them together. But sometimes
he knows something that happened to the guy in the past, and
he wants to tell me about it. If he tells me a story, then I
know he'll want the guy to come back again. If Cab doesn't
have a story or he won't say anything, then I know we'll
never see the guy again.'

`Man, this is weird.' Kurt shook his head.

Dahl pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. `Here's the
address, and my phone number. In case you get lost. There's
a place to park beside the house. Cab likes to walk, and we
don't have a car. So you can park there. Just be there about
11:00. Thanks for the drink. But I didn't touch it. So you
can have it if you like.'  Dahl stood up. He pulled his cap
from a pocket and put it on.

`You're going then?'

`Yeah, I've done what I was supposed to do. See you later.'

`Don't be so sure of that, mate.'

`No, it's Cab that's sure. He's never wrong about such
things.'

`Never?'

`Never. See you around 11:00.'

*****
Later that night, after Dahl had joined Cab in bed, Cab put
his head on Dahl's shoulder and said, `Equilibrium. Nice.'

`We'll have him back then?'

`No voice.'

`Yeah, I could hear him moaning over the noise of the telly.
You worked your usual magic, chum. He was a happy man when
he left.'

`Make no voice. Kurt no words too.'