Date: Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:56:10 -0800
From: juilian james <juniorj009@gmail.com>
Subject: What makes a family chapter 15
WHAT MAKES A FAMILY
BY: Julien
This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your
own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and
would be very much appreciated. ENJOY! Comments are always appreciated.
Thanks. J. All this and my other stories can be found on my new site:
https://sites.google.com/site/jjsstorycafe/
David
My eyes fell everywhere except on him. And for what seemed like the
hundredth time today, I wondered if my nervousness was on display for him
to see. I made sure to keep my hands firmly entrenched between my legs so
that I wouldn't be tempted to play with my fingers and I let him do all the
talking, only speaking when he asked me a question, and even then, only
giving one word answers. There was no way in hell I was gonna make this
easy for him.
"David....son...I'm so sorry for what I did. I...I...I had no excuse for
hitting you and...I'm so embarrassed and ashamed that I could....that I
would ever...hurt...you."
His voice was filled with emotion and his words were barely coherent as he
spoke them to me. Tears streamed down his face and he made no effort to
hide or disguise them. And as much as I tried to feign indifference to his
feelings, I realized that the only person I was probably fooling, was
myself. That thought didn't stop me though from turning my face away and
finding a spot on the wall to focus on. It didn't stop me from saying
words that I knew would hurt him to the core.
"Good! I'm glad that you feel ashamed and embarrassed. You should!
You're a pathetic excuse for a father and I....hate....you! You don't love
me! You say you do but if you did, you wouldn't have hit me and you
wouldn't have chosen your boyfriend over me and you wouldn't have chased
James away! I....fucking....hate....you!" By the time my tirade had
ceased, I could feel tears streaming down my face. It was then that I
finally allowed my eyes to settle on him. What I saw in front of me was a
broken man, a man beaten down, a man who had hit rock bottom. To say I
felt nothing for my father at the moment would have been a fucking lie and
I wasn't a liar. But as long as I didn't say the thought out loud, it was
like it didn't even exist. I had to admit though that I gained some sick
satisfaction that he was hurting as I had hurt for over a year. The idea
that he was now feeling a fraction of what I was going through gave me some
comfort, though if I was honest with myself, not much.
He held his head down and reached into his shirt pocket, pulling out a
handkerchief, which he used to wipe his eyes. His shoulders shook slightly
and his eyes never met mine. The silence that ensued almost became
defeaning and in a weird and unexplainable way, I was almost grateful when
he spoke.
"David, I will do anything, ANYTHING, to make this right. I know
that.....i know that I haven't been the best parent....i know that...and I
know that I haven't made this transition easy on you. I'm a shitty
parent....i know that, but I want to do better. Please...David...." His
words were strained and tinged with emotion, as if he would break down and
have another meltdown. And I couldn't help but for one moment, feel as if
I connected with him on a deeper level. The fact that he admitted that he
didn't make things easier, that he didn't try hard enough, it made me feel
somewhat vindicated in my thoughts and actions.
Another moment of silence followed his declaration, neither of us saying
anything to the other, neither of us knowing what to say to the other. And
when I finally couldn't take it anymore, I took the initiative and spoke my
mind, albeit, a bit calmer. My eyes refused to meet his as my words
tumbled out.
"I can't be at home right now. I don't trust you. I'm....I don't want to
be around someone who thinks I'm a liar. I didn't lie about him showing me
porn and trying to give me drugs. I know you think I did because I don't
like him but I didn't and..."
"David..." he started and stopped as my icy stare met his gaze. I must
have looked pretty pissed for he instantly shut up and let me finish my
words.
"What I said had nothing to do with me not liking him...I told the truth
and you fucking thought I lied. How do you think that made me feel? And
then you go and fucking hit me!." I had to stop and take a deep breath and
I was getting seriously agitated. The incident played itself in my head,
over and over again, further adding fuel to the fire.
"You socked me because I didn't want to pretend everything was ok with us.
It's like you want me to forget that James exists. You want me to shut him
out of my life because he broke up with you. That's so fucking unfair and
I didn't deserve it. I did nothing wrong!"
I could feel my entire body shake as the words left my mouth and I felt the
familiar tinges of heat as it made its way up my neck and towards my face,
probably turning me a beet red color.
"It's not my fault that YOU couldn't keep him happy! You didn't even
try........you didn't even try. And then you start seeing someone else and
you don't even ask me what I think! You just do what YOU want to do and
it's like fuck everybody else. Well you know what.... I'm almost 18 and
I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I'm gonna live with James. He
loves me and he cares about my feelings and he doesn't put his boyfriend
before me."
And looking over at him, at that moment all I felt was pity. Deep, deep,
deep down, I know I was being an asshole and maybe a tad unfair but dammit,
I was hurting and I wanted him to hurt. I watched as he closed his eyes
tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose, tears streaming his face,
unapologetically. I had half expected him to begin sobbing or to continue
to beg for my forgiveness, but the next turn of his words surprised me, and
to say the least, left me speechless.
"Now you're being unfair, David. For you to say I put Tim before you
is.....is....is .....it's hurtful and untrue. I've been standing by your
side since you were a baby and I've been the one constant since you were
born. When your `mother' walked out on us, I could have just put you up
for adoption or had your grandma take you in but no....i took full
responsibility and I've never looked back. I know I've made mistakes....a
lot of them....but for you to paint me as the devil in all of this
is....it's fucking unfair." At this point his voice did begin to crack.
"I love James and HE WALKED OUT ON ME! Not the other way around. He
packed up his shit and left me. He moved into an apartment away from me.
So before you paint me as the devil, you need to go talk to him about his
culpability in all this shit. And as for me pushing him away, I don't know
what he's been telling you but this did not all go down because of me. But
at the end of the day David, you're right, you're an adult and you've made
up your mind already. I can't change that. But I want you to know that I
love you, you're my son and I take full responsibility for hitting you. It
never shoulda happened and that was ALL my fault. As for believing Tim
over you......you're my son and you come first. If you say you don't want
me to see him anymore then I'll fucking call him right now and break up
with him. If that's what it takes to get you to forgive me, then I'll do
it."
My expression softened somewhat and I found myself meeting his gaze. I
began to feel some remorse, maybe I had been a bit harsh, maybe I was
looking at things one sided because of all my pent up anger and
frustrations over the breakup. Maybe...
"Ok, you two, I think its time for a break. Come inside, dinner's almost
ready."
Looking over the balcony I realized that the sun was beginning to set. How
long had we been at it? I felt emotionally drained and would have liked
nothing better than to just go upstairs and take a nap. But knowing
grandma, she wouldn't be having any of that. Her word was law and dinner
time was sacred.
"We'll be there in second mom." His voice was hoarse and emotionally
laced. I guess this conversation had had an impact on both of us.
I watched as he got up out of his chair and walked past me towards the
sliding glass door, his only words to me being, "I'm gonna wash
up.......see you in a few and David.....i'm sorry more than words can
explain."
JAMES
I sat in the car for what seemed like hours when in fact, mere minutes had
passed. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I was hesitant to go inside.
Not sure what that feeling meant but just pushed it down and forced myself
to get out of the car, lock the doors and walk up to Anna's door. I rang
the bell and waited. The door swung open and Anna looked up at me, a smile
plastered across her face. She reached up and enveloped me in a hug.
"James, glad that you're here. I've made a feast to feed an army so don't
think you're leaving empty handed."
I found myself laughing at her greeting as my arms found their way around
her waist.
"You know me Anna, I love my belly so whatever grub you're serving up, I'm
willing to take the leftovers off your hands." She laughed and pulled away
from me, moving to the side so that I could enter, before closing the door
behind me. I walked in through the familiar entrance way and looked
around. It was amazing how meticulous a house this woman kept, as if she
were expecting company 7 days a week. The irony that her son was a
borderline slob was not lost on me but I digress....i wasn't allowing my
thoughts to go there.
"So, where's Da.....?" And it was if the question got caught in my throat
for at that moment the door to the powder room opened and out walked Neil.
I felt the familiar stirrings of anger begin to rise deep in my gut but I
ignored it and internally began to count down to 10. We hadn't come face
to face since David's initial court appearance and I was not expecting to
see him till David's follow up court date. And by the pale stricken
expression that plastered his face, I gathered that he had not expected to
see me either.
"Now boys, lets get dinner started.....James, go wash up and Neil, come
help put the food on the table." It seemed to take a moment for both of us
to register that Anna was speaking. And it was as if time had frozen and
everything and everyone had faded into the background except for him and
me. There were so many thoughts racing through my mind, so many words that
I wanted to scream, yell, curse, but this wasn't the place and this sure as
hell wasn't the time. I allowed my eyes to take in the image of him for a
few seconds before disengaging eye contact and leaning against the wall.
Anna, probably sensing the tension, gently grabbed Neil by the elbow and
pulled him into the kitchen and out of my line of sight. I found myself
letting out a long breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding in.
This was awkward......more than awkward. I knew I wasn't ready to deal
with all this shit but I knew that I couldn't just get up and go.
`Come on James, it's only dinner. Sit down, eat some chow, take David and
get the hell outta dodge'
"You losing your mind old man?" I turned around quickly and saw a bemused
David looking up at me and grinning from ear to ear.
"Smart ass." I quipped in return. Looking at him I could see that his eyes
were red rimmed, as if he had been crying, and once again I felt my hatred
for Neil rise again. David had become an emotional wreck since this whole
situation started. Not being able to control his anger, tearing up at the
drop of a hat. This emotional rollercoaster had also taken a toll on our
relationship. I think he felt emasculated in front of me, as if I would or
could ever judge him. He was my son and would always be my son, no matter
what.
I walked up to him and pulled him towards me, his head coming to rest on my
chest.
"Everything cool?"
"Mmm hmmmm, just tired and shit....it's been a long day."
"I know kiddo. It's almost over. Let's get some grub and then we're outta
here."
He pulled away from me and ducked his head, not quite meeting my eyes.
"You better go wash up before grandma comes out here looking for us."
"Will do kid, tell her I'll be out in a second." And with that I made my
way to the bathroom.
NEIL
I felt as if my heart was gonna beat right out of my chest and for the
tiniest moment, I thought that everyone could hear the repeated sounds it
made. I was trying to follow the conversation but my mind was in a brain
fog, most definitely not helped by the alcohol that I was drinking. I
could only pick up bits and pieces of the conversation around me.
"Work ok James?"
"..........stressfull......need a vacation.......thinking about
transfering"
"College is right around the corner.....make a decision yet? NYU is right
here....."
".....Wanna get away......start fresh.....meet new people."
Everything was a blur....words.....people...topics of conversation. I felt
as if the room was spinning. I pushed my chair back from the table and
attempted to stand up, only to stumble back in my seat.
"Neil, you ok?" I recognized my mother's voice and tried to answer her
without slurring my words.
"Good as can be.....just feeling a bit dizzy is all....i'm gonna step out
on the balcony a minute." I attempted to get up again only to fall back
down, this time, completely missing the chair.
I heard an audible gasp followed by the scraping of chairs and before I
knew it, someone was lifting me up by my elbows and leading me into the
living room towards the sofa.
"Shit Neil, you know you shouldn't be drinking that much."
I recognized James' voice and felt his touch and wanted nothing more than
to tell him to fuck off but I could barley keep myself standing much less
say what I REALLY wanted to say.
"Dad, is he going to be ok?"
"Yeah. He's just had a bit too much to drink David. Why don't you and
grandma go finish eating, I'll be there in a second."
I never heard David's response as I felt my eyes getting heavier and
heavier before completely closing.
JAMES
I tried not to be annoyed but it was hard. Once again, Neil managed to
make things all about him....another prime example of how shit got to this
point. If he wasn't ignoring the glaringly obvious signs of life's
problems, he was drinking them away. I had seen him drunk beyond belief
many times during our twelve year relationship but never once had I seen
him pass out and most definitely not in front of other people. What I
really wanted to do was slap the shit out of him but that wasn't an option
so I half carried/half dragged him into the living room and placed him on
the sofa. For the briefest of moments, I thought about just leaving him
there but then images of him rolling off and possibly hurting himself gave
me a change of heart. I may have hated Neil right now but that didn't mean
I wanted harm to come to him, after all, he was David's father and had been
my partner for over a decade. I took a deep breath, bent my knees and with
all my strength, managed to hoist him over my shoulders.
Those twelve steps behind me might have well been Mt Kilimanjaro for all
the pain that I felt shoot up my lower back. I mean I wasn't in bad shape.
I still retained some of my post Army physique and I went to the gym when I
could but having a semi seditary desk job and keeping long hours, coupled
with all the stress I was dealing with, well, I wasn't taking care of
myself the way I should and now, I was reaping the seeds of my recent
inactivity.
"Fuck Neil, I could fucking kill you right now." I whispered to myself as I
looked down at him, sprawled on his back, his breathing heavy. Looking at
him from this vantage point gave me some respite as I saw that he too had
put on some weight since we had been apart. His stomach was more flab than
firm and I could make out the beginnings of love handles. And for some
reason, I had the urge to touch him. I reached out and placed my hand on
his stomach, caressing the mound of flesh that I felt there.
`What the fuck are you doing!' The thought screamed in my head as I
continued to run my hand across his skin, moving ever so slowly down
towards where his pants met his belly button. And it was as if the next
few moments happened in slow motion. I heard Neil half groan, half grunt
and then his eyes flicked open, staring straight at me. I started to pull
back to only have him grab unto my shirt pulling me down on top of him.
Within seconds, his lips were locked unto mine and we were embroiled in one
of the most heated kisses that I had ever felt. And believe me when I say
that I wanted to stop it. I wanted to push myself off of him and get the
fuck outta there but my dick had other plans. I could feel myself getting
hard in my pants and it was glaringly obvious that I was not alone in my
wanton desire. Needless to say we continued tongueing each other down.
Eventually my hands found its way to his belt buckle and in time to his
dick. I pulled his pants down and off without disconnecting my mouth from
his. And I grudgingly admitted in my own mind that I was fucked up for
doing this but shit, I was horny as fuck and it had been too long since I
had some release. I quickly popped open my fly not bothering to pull down
my pants or underwear, just pulling out my dick and in one fluid motion
pushing it into him. The sex was quick, rough and oh so damn good but as I
felt myself cum into him, I felt feelings of nausea over take me. Looking
down at Neil, I saw that his eyes were half closed and that his previous
death grip on me had relinquished some. He had a look of what I could only
describe as satisfaction etched across his face and it took me a hot minute
to realize that he had passed out....again.
`Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What the fuck did you just do?' I thought to myself
as I pulled out of him. I looked down at the mess that my cum had made on
him, in him, on the bed, on me and instantly froze. And just as my mind
started to process my next steps, I heard David's voice.
"Oh shit, did you guys just fuck?!?"
I am so excited to be writing again and I hope this chapter was well worth
the wait. I will try to post more regularly. Thanks for all the support
guys and gals and as always, thanks for reading!
Comments for this and other stories are encouraged and appreciated and I do
reply to all emails. My new email address is juniorj009@gmail.com
Thanks for reading. Other stories of mine include:
BEGINNINGS
December 3rd 2002 YO B
Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/
INTERACIAL
Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/
Jan 2 2003 to-sir-with-love/
Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/
MILITARY
Dec 21 2002 the-recruiter/
RELATIONSHIPS
Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/
Jun 6 2005 redemption/
BI RELATIONSHIPS
Dec 20 2002 graduation-day/
J