Date: Tue, 24 Jul 2012 17:57:49 -0700
From: juilian james <juniorj009@gmail.com>
Subject: What Makes a Family Chapter 17

WHAT MAKES A FAMILY
BY: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and
would be very much appreciated.  ENJOY!

Comments are always appreciated.  Thanks.  J.


NEIL

I sat across from him, my palms sweaty, my foot beginning to shake and all
I could think of was, `damn, why does this have to be so hard.'  My natural
instinct was to just get up and walk away, pretend that this wasn't
happening but I couldn't do that, I couldn't keep running from my life when
times got tough.  So I did the only thing I could, I cleared my throat and
put the ball in his court.

"You said you wanted to talk......so talk."

He ran his hand though his hair and pulled himself forward, resting his
elbows on his knees, his gaze not quite meeting mine.  The room got eeirily
quiet for a moment and then he spoke,

"It's not the way he made it sound.  I.....I wouldn't do that to you Neil.
I wouldn't do that to you or to your son......I love you."  His voice
broke and for a split second, I thought he was going to completely break
down.


"I maybe was trying too hard to get him to like me....I made a joke....a
bad, immature, inappropriate joke but I didn't offer him drugs or porn.
You know me Neil, babe, you know I wouldn't do that."

And as much as I wanted to believe Tim, I just couldn't.  The fact of the
matter is that while I had been dating Tim for a while, I didn't know him
well enough to call my son a liar.

  I finally looked up and locked eyes with him.  The pained look on his
face sent an uncomfortable sensation through my body and I had to force
myself to think of David.  After all, he was the reason I was doing this.

"Well whatever you did Tim, it hurt David to the point that he's not
talking to me anymore.  He doesn't want to be around me.  My own damn son
fucking hates me and my relationship with you is a big part of that.  I
can't.........."


I found it difficult to continue speaking as a familiar knot was making its
presence known, rising in my throat.  I felt my eyes become watery and I
knew I was only moments away from completely breaking down.  I closed my
eyes and for a moment, I was able to block everything out.  In my mind, I
was not sitting here in Tim's home, feeling as if my life was falling
apart.  I was instead sitting on a beach, David propped up in my lap, his
mop of hair resting against my shirtless chest.  Both of us watching the
sun set along the Virginia Beach coastline.  He must have been 3 or 4 years
old.  We were inseparable then.

"Neil?  Neil, please."  His voice brought me back to the present, back to
the here and now.  Back to the situation at hand.  I opened my eyes and
found my gaze locked unto his.  The emotion that passed between us was
unmistakable.  There was a lot of feeling there, passion, the beginning of
something stronger than like, but love, no, I could say with 100% certainty
that I wasn't in love with Tim.  It hurt me to know with certainty that
this was how I felt, especially knowing how Tim felt about me, about our
relationship.  But there was not much I could do about it.  I had tried to
move on, to prove to myself that I could extricate myself from my previous
life but truth of the matter was this, I was no closer to moving on today,
than I was a year ago.  But that wasn't why I was here.....no......I was
here to find out what had gone down between Tim and David.......I wanted,
no needed answers.

"What happened Tim?  I.....I need to know.  I have to fix my relationship
with my son and in order for me to do that, I need to know what happened
between you and David.....and don't fucking lie to me.  David has done and
said a lot of messed up shit but one thing my son doesn't do is lie."

And I knew in my heart that was the God honest truth.

For several minutes, Tim refused to look at me, his leg shook, he kept on
adjusting his position in his chair, he avoided my eyes.  A lot could have
been interpreted from his actions but I refused to draw my own conclusions.
I was tired of guessing, I just wanted the truth.

Finally his eyes met mine and he started to speak.
















DAVID

"So.....do you still love him?"  they were whispered words but I needed to
know.  Some of my earlier anger had dissipated and right now, I was just
mentally exhausted.  I was tired of all this back and forth between them Ð
it was draining and took up too much of my time.  And with college slowly
creeping up on me at the end of the year, I need closure on this chapter of
my life.  I know it may have sounded a bit dramatic, but in all honesty,
the stress that this whole situation had caused was enough to make we want
to pack up and move anywhere but here.

His eyes met mine across the dining room table but he didn't answer me
right away.  I wanted to know what he was thinking so bad but if James was
good at one thing, it was keeping his game face on.  His hands were clasped
together, thumbs constantly swirling around each other, the only indicator
to me that he was as uncomfortable with this conversation as I was.  I
waited a minute before asking my question again.

"Are you still in love with my dad?"  My voice was more forceful this time
around.  I wanted.......no, needed an answer.  Things were so fucked up
in my head that I didn't know right from left.

"David, it's complicated.  I don't know how to explain this so that you can
understand."  His voice sounded somber, exasperated even.

"You fucked him.  He hit me and took his boyfriends' side over mine and
pushed you away and broke up our family and you still fucked him.....I
don't get it.  So just answer the question, are you in love with my
father?!?  Because if you are then you can just fuck off.  I can't believe
you'd touch him after all that shit he did to me, to us......I fucking
hate him."



There was no mistaking the venom in my voice.  I was angry, so damn angry
and I wanted James to know it.  For all these months he had been the parent
that I could depend on but now, I wasn't so sure.

He reached up and ran his hand over his face, breaking eye contact for a
moment.  He made a sound in his throat, akin to a grunt.  He then let out a
sigh and caught my eye again.

"David, be for real.  Whatever happens between Neil and me has nothing to
do with you.  It's always been that way.  You should know that by now."

I shook my head, refusing to believe what he was saying.  I was a part of
anything and everything happening between the two of them, I always was and
I always would be.

"That's not true.  Whatever happens between the two of you affects me.  It
affects my life, whether you want to acknowledge that or not".

He sighed and leaned towards me, and for the first time in a long time I
noticed just how tired he looked, how much older he had become.  There were
fine lines on his forehead and under his eyes were a shade darker than his
skin tone.  And it struck me that I couldn't remember a time when James
ever looked this spent.

"I know David.  Shit....you don't think I know that?  You'll always be
that link between your father and me whether were together or not.
I.....I don't know what to tell you David.  Things happened and I can't
explain why I did what I did.  I don't know why I did what I did.  All I
know is that I did it and there is no taking it back.....it happened.  I'm
sorry that you're upset by it but I don't know what to tell you."  He
sighed and once again leaned back into his chair.

"I will probably always have feeling for your dad but...........what
happened, what we did, it had nothing to do with love.  I think that things
are probably too far gone for us to ever revisit that option again."

He was silent after that and so was I.  I didn't know how I felt about what
he had said.  On one hand I was relieved that he didn't admit to still
loving my dad but on the other hand, there was a sense of loss, that this
was finally the closing chapter of our family.  Things were so messed up in
my head that I didn't know how to respond.

"So the question is, where do we go from here David?  You're so angry with
us.  Our relationship has changed so much and I honestly don't know how to
fix it.  I need your help."

His words were softly spoken and surprised me.  James was a mans man and
always seemed to have the answer, at least that's the way he had always
come across to me growing up.  But now, sitting across from me, face
sullen, he seemed unsure, uncertain, at a loss of what his next step would
be.

I looked across in his direction with my eyes not quite settling on him and
shrugged my shoulders.  I didn't know what was next for us.  And all I
could do was avoid his eyes as they pleaded with me for understanding,
acceptance, something.........anything.

"I've been dealing with this whole situation badly and I plan on changing
that David. For your sake, I want to do what's right. I know I've let you
down time and time again but there's nothing I can do now to change that, I
can only move forward and do my best to fix this situation.  Your dad and
I, we're gonna have to get along but its gonna take time....a long time."

And even though I didn't want to acknowledge this fact, I knew he was
right.  Whatever was gonna happen would take time.

This whole conversation had left me drained and all I wanted to do was go
into my room and lay down.

"I'm tired, gonna take a nap."  My words were sullen and I could tell from
James' expression that he wanted to say something, but thankfully he
didn't.  I wasn't in the mood to get in another round of deep conversation.
I got up from the table and turned towards the direction of my room.

"David."

I stopped at the sound of James' voice but did not turn around.

I heard him let out a sigh before continuing to speak, "I love you more
than you'll ever know.  I've done everything I can for you and I'll
continue to do everything I can for you till the day I die.  You may hate
me now but it won't ever change how I feel about you."

His words hung in the air and I found myself rooted to the spot despite
wanting to get away from this very moment.  I heard his chair scrape
against the wood floor and for a moment, my body stiffened in anticipation
of him touching me.  But he didn't.  I heard his footsteps retreat, the
front door open and then gently close behind.

I don't know if I was more relieved or somewhat disappointed.  All I knew
was that I was mentally and physically exhausted and incapable of thinking
anymore.  I walked into my room, shutting the door behind me before
climbing into bed and promptly falling asleep.



Sorry for the extremely long delay.  This chapter is a transitional one
thus the reason it is so short.  My three favorite guys are going to be
finally making some changes.....enough blame has been passed around so let
the healing begin.

 BEGINNINGS
December 3rd 2002   YO B
Dec 27 2002	heart-and-soul/

INTERACIAL
Nov 5 2004	story-of-us/
Jan 2 2003	to-sir-with-love/

Dec 27 2002	heart-and-soul/


MILITARY
Dec 21 2002	the-recruiter/

RELATIONSHIPS
Nov 5 2004	story-of-us/

Jun 6 2005	redemption/

BI RELATIONSHIPS

Dec 20 2002	graduation-day/