Date: Sat, 7 Aug 2010 12:42:44 -0700
From: juilian james <juniorj009@gmail.com>
Subject: what makes a family chapter 5

WHAT MAKES A FAMILY
BY: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and
would be very much appreciated.  ENJOY!

This will be a short mini series of sort.  Comments are always appreciated.
Thanks.  J.


NEIL

Wow...what a difference a year makes.  I had a hard time wrapping my mind
around the fact that it had been a full year since he and I had split up.
In all honesty, it had been the worst year of my life.  Even worse than
having David's mother run off, leaving me at 22 with a baby and no idea
which direction my life was meant to go in.  But I had survived that trauma
and dammit, I would make it through this one too.  If someone were to ask
me six months ago if I imagined myself in this position, I would have told
them to go take a flying leap off the Brooklyn Bridge but now, it wasn't so
hard for me to picture rebuilding my life.  Don't get me wrong, I had to go
through hell and back to get to this point in my life.  It took the love
and support of my family and friends, namely David, my mother, Anna and of
course Matt and Michelle.  Not to mention some serious counseling and
medication, but I had done it and I was still here, still alive, still
breathing and still semi sane.  And of course, the inevitable had happened
and I was dating again.  Matt's friend Tim and I had not hit it off at
their party as he had hoped, but I had taken his number and we had spoken
since then, usually about twice a week, in addition to going out for dinner
or a movie once a week.  Recently though, we had taken things to the next
level and for the first time in a long time, I had had sex with someone
other than him.  The first time Tim and I had sex, it was rough,
animalistic and raw.  It was as if all my anger towards him was
concentrated in this one act and boy oh boy, did we go at it.  By the time
it was all said and done, we both had the bruises to show for it.  Now, our
sex was less aggressive but still, it was far from being tender.  Don't get
me wrong, I liked Tim, I liked him a lot, but I was done.  I had decided
that I would never let another man get close enough to me to make me give
all of myself.  That was why Tim and I always had sex, never making love.
I could sense that deep down, Tim wanted more.  But this wasn't about Tim,
this was about me.  This was about doing what I had to, in order to keep my
head above water.  So call me selfish and self absorbed, I could care less.
For once in my life, I was going to focus on me.  Of course David was still
my number one priority, but as far as my personal life was concerned, well,
I was in going to be in charge.  As all these thoughts ran through my head,
I looked down at Tim as he slept beside me, naked.  His skin was so smooth
and unblemished, like the skin of a man that never had to do
anything...dirty...dangerous...deep.  His career as a psychiatrist meant that he
spent his days sitting behind his desk, talking with patients, taking
notes, dispensing medication.  Not the most exciting of jobs but it
afforded him many luxuries, luxuries that I now was able to partake in.
Just last weekend, we had rented a house in the Hamptons, the ocean just a
few feet away from the backdoor.  And then there had been sailing...on a
yacht and then massages on the beach.  I mean things like that just didn't
happen to me...ever.  I worked at a state college in the city but I wasn't
pulling in anything close to six figures like Tim was.  And with the
additional expenses of paying off student loans, raising a teenager, rent,
electricity, car insurance, well...I had to pick and choose where to spend my
money.  And even with two incomes coming in at one point, we were barley
making it.  But I wouldn't allow myself to go down that road, not right now
anyway.  I just wanted to relish in this moment...with Tim.  And as I reached
my arm across his back and watched as he stirred so slightly, I couldn't
help but compare the feel of his skin to that of him.

DAVID

I could tell dad was in a foul mood but for the life of me, I couldn't
figure out why.  This year had been one of the most difficult years of my
life.  With my parents splitting up, Deanna dumping me, getting ready to
start a new school year....well, it was a lot to handle.  And I for one was
glad to see this damn year come to an end.  The only thing worth looking
forward to was my upcoming seventeenth birthday.  Every year on my
birthday, I usually got a group of my closest friends together and we would
party it up.  Last year, my dads took a group of us up the Poconos for the
weekend where we swam, camped, hiked and had a kickin ass good time. Of
course it was all chaperoned and at least one of them was with us the
entire time.  But still, it rocked!  This year though, I didn't think that
was going to work so well.  First off, my dads hadn't been in the same room
with each other since the debacle at Uncle Matt's get together.  I don't
know if they've spoken since then or not, but no doubt, if words had been
exchanged, I'm almost positive it wasn't just to shoot the shit.  Either
way, this tension between them was fucking with me and I couldn't continue
like this.  I was stuck in the middle and I found myself more than once
having to be the grown up and man, I hated that shit.

Back to the present though, my dad was in a foul mood and I didn't know
why.  I had snuck over here after working a full shift down at Stop and
Shop supermarket.  It had become my weekend ritual.  I would take the train
from Brooklyn into Manhattan, work a six-hour shift that ended at five and
then take the train into Queens to spend the remainder of the evening with
James.  My dad thought that those late evenings were spent with Deana or
one of my other friends and as much as I hated lying to him about my
whereabouts, I knew it was much easier than telling him the truth.

I looked over at dad as he roughly tore lettuce and threw it into a bowl.
This broke my train of thought and brought me back to the present.

"Dad, what's up?" I asked, not quite looking him in the eye.  He stopped
what he was doing for the moment and looked at me.

"What are you talking about kid?"

I took a deep breath before responding,

"You seem out of it, like something's on your mind.  Wanna talk about it?"

For the first time all evening, he gave me something that resembled a
smile.

"Oh, so you wanna be my shrink now?  Turning seventeen and you wanna be the
grown up now."

I know he meant it as a joke, but his comment hit a little bit too close to
home.  It somehow annoyed the shit out of me and I responded without
thinking where my words would take me.

"Someone has to be the grown up around here."

There was no mistaking the seriousness or annoyance in my voice and it was
as if the temperature in the room had chilled ten degrees.  He stopped
tearing the lettuce and let his hand hit the counter with a bang.

"There something you want to say to me David?  Being the only grown up
around here and all."

I began to tap my fingers against my leg, something I always did when the
spotlight was on me.  Shit, why did I have to open my fucking mouth.  I had
to think about what I wanted to say before I said it.

"I didn't mean that James, I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes for a quick second, offering me some respite from his
glare, before opening them up again and glaring at me.

"You know I'm trying to do my best David.  I know you know that.  I know
that this year has been hell for you and I'm sorry for that but what more
do you want me to do kid?  Tell me and I swear I'll do it.  But don't stand
there and make comments because this, this shit has been hard on all of
us."

The veins in his jaw were pulsing, and I knew he was restraining himself,
restraining his words, because of me.  And for that, I was grateful.

"Dad, I'm an asshole for saying that, really.  Shit, I just...I just want
things to be...: I didn't finish my thought, I mean how could I with tears
starting to stream down my face.  James looked at me with the sort of look
that a dog owner might have if his prized purebred dog had been hit by a
car - a mixture of pity and sadness.  He put down the lettuce and walked
over to me, pulling me into his arms and holding me tight.

"I love you David, more than you can ever realize.  I love you so much kid
and I hate myself for putting you through this.  I wish I could go back and
fix things between your father and me.  I wish I could put our family
together again.  I wish things could go back to a time when we were all
happy."

He paused and I heard him sigh.  He sounded so somber, so sad and it made
me feel as if this situation was affecting him as deeply as it had and
continued to affect me, a year later.

"But they can't David.  I promised you the world but I don't know how to
fix this David.  I wish I did kid, but I don't think it's possible.  I
don't expect you to understand but I need for you to cut me some slack.
I'm doing the best that I can."

And as he continued to hold me in his strong arms I managed to get out two
words, in a strangled sob,

"I know."

JAMES

After David had left, I couldn't help but to allow myself a few moments to
think about what had been.  To think back to a time when we were all happy,
David, myself, Neil.  Believe it or not, there had been a time like that, a
time when David and Neil had been my everything.  When coming home had not
been such a lonely experience, when I looked forward to five o clock so
that I could shut down my computer and lock away my files.  There had been
a time, way back when, when my jimmy got hard just thinking about coming
home to Neil, coming home to the man I had thought I would spend the rest
of my life with.  That time seemed so very long ago, almost as if it had
been a figment of some made up dream.  But that time had existed and it had
been one of the happiest times of my life.  I remember first meeting Neil,
way back in 93'.  My high school friend Matt was throwing a New Years Eve
party just because.  Back in the day, we bachelors had done that.  Any
excuse to take out the beer and invite a few females (well, males in my
case).  Matt hadn't met Michelle yet and he was like a squirrel just trying
to find a nut, chatting up every eligible female in sight.  Matt was a cool
dude, always was and if truth be told, he was one of the few friends that I
had kept after high school.  In any event, I found myself at another one of
his parties, amongst couples, casual sex partners and people just trying to
get some just in time for the beginning of 1994.  Being 34, I would be
lying if I said that the thought of settling down hadn't crossed my mind
more than once.  The idea of sharing my life with another man was something
that I wasn't too fond of in my early twenties and all during my time in
the military.  I was content with just hitting it and quitting it.  But as
I grew older, and thirty seemed a stones throw away, I begun to think that
being in a relationship might not have been a bad bet.  I mean that was the
natural course of life, right?  And besides, I wasn't getting any younger
and I couldn't imagine myself being forty and still trolling the gay scene,
looking for a hook up.  But I swear that none of this was on my mind as I
mingled with the different folks at Matt's party.  As midnight drew closer,
conversation got more lively and frisky fingers and roaming hands seemed to
be the order of the day, not that I minded the show of course.  But after a
while, the groups broke off into couples and it seemed that everyone had
someone to call their own, at least for that moment.  I took my drink and
stepped out unto Matt's balcony, closing the sliding door behind me.  I
couldn't have been out there for more than a few minutes, when I heard the
door slide open, and turning, I saw a guy about 5'8, walk out.  I hadn't
bothered to turn on the light so I couldn't clearly make out any of his
features except for his height.  He closed the sliding door and sent a
smile my way before heading over to the corner of the balcony and lighting
up a cigarette.

"It's a mad house in there, isn't it.  I swear the couple next to me was
going to get down and dirty right beside me." His voice was rich and his
words filled with humor, something that had me popping a woody right then
and there.

I let out a laugh.

"Yeah, I know what you mean.  Matt's parties tend to get a little bit wild,
especially when there's alcohol involved.  But hey, it's New Years Eve.
What's a New Years Eve party without a little action." I looked over at him
as my words came to a close, hoping he would get my subtle hint.  And
seeing him look at back at me with a smirk, I knew he had.

"Where's my manners.  Hi, I'm Neil." He stated, walking up to me and
holding out his hand.

I grasped it in mine and shook it before letting it fall.

"I'm James." I stated, staring him straight in the eye.  I wanted to fuck
this guy bad and I wanted to do it tonight.  I didn't care if we spoke ever
after this but at that moment, I didn't want to spend yet another New Years
Eve alone.

To make a long story short, we spent the next few minutes exchanging
stories about how we each met Matt and then I propositioned him right then
and there.

"Listen, it's almost midnight and I'm not a guy that knows how to beat
around the bush.  You've got me so fucking hard right now, I feel as if I'm
going to cum in my pants.  What say we go somewhere and fuck and then we'll
talk some more."

His response got me harder if that was even possible.  He reached down and
grabbed my cock and tugged...hard, before leaning into me and planting a
sloppy kiss on my lips.  Needless to say, we made it as far as Matt's
upstairs guest bathroom before I pulled down his pants, hastily slapped on
a condom, and fucked the shit out of him.

Not very romantic, considering where we ended up, but that was the start of
something big.  I didn't realize it at the time, but that impromptu meeting
would shape the course of my life.  Of course after the sex was over and we
were both drained, we cleaned up in the bathroom and I took him out for
breakfast for the start of 1994.  Neil wasn't my usual type.  He wasn't
muscular, he wasn't cocky, he wasn't extremely tall and of course, he
wasn't black.  But there was something that I had found intensely
attractive about him.  He had a mouth that could display his emotional sign
to a t, leaving no doubt how he was feeling at any given moment.  His body
wasn't half bad either, not that he had a six-pack or even a four pack for
that matter.  But he was lean and trim and it was obvious that he took care
of himself.  His eyes were a light shade of brown and his hair, cut close
to his scalp, was a cross between ginger and red.  All in all, the
physicality that was him, I could deal with.  But what attracted me the
most to him was his personality.  He spoke about his four-year-old son
David as if he were the center of the universe.  And I had to say, this had
surprised me.  Neil was 26 years old and already, he was responsible for
someone other than himself.  I remember being 26 and not having to give a
fuck about anybody other then myself.  Of course the Army had been
different.  I was in charge of a whole unit, but still, those were my
soldiers, not my kids.  They pretty much took care of themselves once our
duty was done.  But Neil, he was responsible for this life 24/7, no time to
relax, no option to pass the buck - for him, his son was priority number
one.  And it was that unflinching devotion that I think reeled me in.
Truth be told, everyone who knew Neil and I thought that I had cast some
spell over him, making him fall head over heels in love with me, but truth
be told, he was the one that worked his magic on me.  After the first month
of getting to know him, I knew I wouldn't be willing to let this man go.
And of course, Matt had been surprised when I told him that Neil and I had
hit it off.

"Neil...as in the short, white guy with the utterly adorable kid?  That
Neil?" his voice could hardly contain the strains of humor that threatened
to burst through.

"Yeah, that Neil." His humor was infectious and It wasn't long before I
burst out laughing.

He just stared at me and shook his head before emphatically stating, "Damn!
Another one bites the dust!"

It was true though, a lot of our single friends were either getting married
or pairing off into long term relationships leaving being a Bachelor, a
dying art form.

"Shit man, I'm happy for you.  Neil's a stand up guy and that kid of his,
what an adorable thing.  David will definitely give you a run for your
money.  But if that's what makes you happy, go for it man, we're not
getting any younger."

And that had been it.  Neil and I dated for about six months before he
introduced me to his son, David.  And within a year, we were living
together.  And just thinking that far back, I felt a deep sense of loss.
Loss for a relationship that started out with so much promise, loss of
David's innocence, for he had come to know heartache at the hands of his
parents, and most of all, loss of my family, for there was no fixing this
problem.  And no amount of wanting and wishing things could be different,
would change the outcome.



Comments for this and other stories are encouraged and appreciated and I do
reply to all emails.  My new email address is juniorj009@gmail.com

Thanks for reading.  Other stories of mine include:


BEGINNINGS

December 3rd 2002   YO B

Dec 27 2002	heart-and-soul/

INTERACIAL

Nov 5 2004	story-of-us/

Jan 2 2003	to-sir-with-love/

Dec 27 2002	heart-and-soul/



MILITARY

Dec 21 2002	the-recruiter/

RELATIONSHIPS

Nov 5 2004	story-of-us/

Jun 6 2005	redemption/

BI RELATIONSHIPS

Dec 20 2002	graduation-day/