7Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2011 13:01:26 -0500 From: juilian james <juniorj009@gmail.com> Subject: what makes a family chapter 7/gay relationships/gay interracial WHAT MAKES A FAMILY BY: Julien This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY! This will be a short mini series of sort. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks. J. NEIL As Tim continued to draw imaginary circles across my chest, I couldn't help close my eyes and think about what had transpired less than 24 hours ago. I felt proud of myself for the way I handled the situation and truth be told, I felt a sick sense of relief that James was somewhat suffering the side effects of our breakup, just as I had for over a year. I know, I know, selfish...well fuck it! It was how I felt, how I needed to feel if I were to ever get over him. We had sat and talked, sticking to the task at hand and even though somewhere deep down, I knew he wanted to talk more about something else, he stuck to business, to David, and for that, I was grateful. "I love this, you know that." Tim's voice broke me out of my train of thought and forced me back to reality. My eyes flew open and I looked down at the green eyes staring back at me. "Hmmm....what's on your mind?" I asked, sleep thickening the sound of my voice. Truth be told, I had heard him loud and clear but I wasn't ready to follow this conversation to it's ending. Truth be told, Tim was becoming more and more demanding of my time and affection, wanting clarification on our relationship but I wasn't ready for all that...it was too soon. I traced my fingers down his back in an attempt to slide my hand down his shorts and into the crevice of his ass, hoping that this would be the distraction he needed to get off this topic of conversation and on to more important matters like fucking. "Oh no professor." He started, reaching behind him and pulling my hands away from his behind, "we are not going to do that. Let's talk a bit." "About?" I asked, not really needed clarification but staving off the impending line of questioning I had been dreading for months. He shook his head, rolled his eyes and pulled himself up so that his posture was at level to mine. I attempted to look away but he wasn't having it. He reached for my chin and turned my face towards him. "What's the deal Neil? Are we boyfriends or what?" There, he had said it. Things were now in the open and there was no imaginary class to run to or mysterious phone call that I needed to take, to head off this conversation. It was obviously going to happen and it was going to happen now. "Yeah, I guess so." I stated, not looking directly at him but rather over his head to the picture that hung on his bedroom wall, the one of me and him in the Village. "So....if we're boyfriends and you've met my friends and I've met some of your friends, then why haven't I been to your apartment? Why is your mother still under the impression that I'm one of your T.A.'s? Why haven't I officially been introduced to David?" He didn't sound angry as he said these things but I could tell that he wasn't very happy either. It's true, in the year that we had been together; he hadn't been to my place once. Oh sure, he had waited for me in the lobby while I ran up to get some change of clothes on two occasions and he had left my forgotten cell phone with my nosey neighbor but he had never been inside. And true enough, when my mother showed up to a restaurant that we were eating in, I had hastily panicked and introduced him as my T.A. for the semester. And being the trooper that he was, he forced a smile and told her what a brilliant and inventive son she had. Lastly, I had used the excuse of the breakup to rid Tim's mind of thoughts that introducing him to David was the right thing to do at this time. He had been patient but it seemed that his patience was just about to run out. "Are you still in love with your ex?" His accusation burned through me and in hindsight, I realized that I may have responded a bit too harshly, but in the moment, suddenly being reminded of James, it was too much for me to handle. "It's none of your fucking business! What James and I had....it's off limit! Dammit Tim, can't we just fuck and move on? Why does everything have to be so complicated with you?" And the truth of the matter was that I hadn't meant to come off as an asshole but his words, somehow, a part of me knew that his words had hit a little bit too close to home. The look that crossed his face at that moment though, I would have done anything I could to take back what I said. He pulled away from me, untwined his legs from mine and swung them over the side of the bed. "Tim." I started and immediately stopped as his icy gaze settled on me. "No, you know what, it's my turn Neil! You're gonna shut the fuck up and listen to me for a change." He paused as if daring me to challenge him, and then he continued, "For months I've sat back, giving you space to deal with things because I know how hard a break up can be. I've sat back and given you space because I love you and I didn't want to push. But I'm at a point where I'm fucking tired Neil! I'm tired of waiting for you to get your shit together. You tell me it's David, that he's having a hard time with the breakup but you know what, I'm starting to think the problem is you Neil. Maybe you're the one that can't let go of your past life. I get that you and your ex were together a long time- believe me, I get that, but how do you expect to move on from this if you're still holding on to him and that relationship?" He looked at me, as if expecting an answer but the truth of the matter was that I didn't have one for him. It was then that I admitted to myself that Tim, no matter how sweet, caring and generous he was, was not what I needed. In essence, he was my rebound guy. The man to fuck me into oblivion and make me forget about James. The man who paled in comparison to James, the man who I Ied on like a lost dog because my breakup with James left my self esteem down in the gutter. And at that moment I felt like shit because I had used Tim, just as I had felt James had used me. "Tim, I...." I never got the chance to finish my sentence because at that moment, my cell rang. Reaching over to the nightstand, I picked it up and pressed TALK. At first, I had a hard time piecing together what was being said and who was doing the talking due to the sirens in the background. Not unusual considering that this was NYC. What was unusual though, was the panicked voice that came through the phone after those sirens begun to fade away. "Neil, it's James...shit, you gotta get to Lenox Hill as soon as you can." And to say that my heart leaped into my chest at that exact moment, was an understatement. My palms instantly became sweaty and I could feel my breathing becoming shallow. I vaguely heard Tim's voice asking me what was wrong for at that moment, only James' words kept repeating over and over in my head. "Where's David? Is he ok? Jesus, is.....is he hurt?" and just the thought that my son could by lying in some hospital bed or worse, had me forcing myself to stay upright and coherent, forcing myself to keep the bile from making it's way from my churning stomach to the bed sheets. It seemed like forever before James finally responded. "No, thank God, David is alright. No, it's your mom, she's had an accident. She fell down the stairs in her apartment and hit her head on the stairs. They need you to come sign some paperwork so that they can do surgery." I could hear the strain in his voice and knew everything I needed to know about how serious the situation was. James was stronger than any man I've ever known and he didn't get frazzled easily. You don't last as long as James did in the military if you were easily frazzled. "Ok, gimme, half an hour, I'm jumping in a cab in five." And before I lost my nerve I added, "Thanks James." Before hanging up, not bothering to wait for a response. Turning towards Tim, I could see concern plastered all over his face and it made me feel even worse about the words I had spoken to him earlier. "I....I gotta go....my mom fell, she's in Lenox Hill and I gotta get over there." The words tumbled out of my mouth, almost incoherently but I could tell from his face that he understood. "Jesus Neil, I'm sorry babe. Is she going to be ok? Want me to come with you?" and for a brief moment, I saw myself reaching for what Tim was offering....security, companionship, safety. But I knew that in accepting that offer, I would only be using him. "No...I gotta go...David's probably waiting for me." And with that, I climbed out of bed and without looking at Tim, I dressed and quickly ran out the bedroom, down the stairs, through the kitchen, and out the apartment, not even taking a moment to look behind me. DAVID I fucking hated hospitals. From the antiseptic smell right down to the puke green paint on the walls. My hatred for the institution probably came from my many trips to the ER growing up, mostly broken bones, torn ligaments and a near death allergy attack when I was ten, the fault of a stray pistachio that happened to find its way into my vanilla ice-cream. But today was not about me, it was about grandma. My dad's mom was the greatest! She spoiled me rotten, bought me all kind of shit when my dad's back was turned, and she wanted my folks to get back together as much as I do. In fact, the first few weeks after James split, Grandma allowed me to stay with her for a bit, trying to quell the arguments that had become frequent between me and my dad. I know it wasn't Ôcool' to be sixteen and still like hanging with parents and grandparents and I know my friends would have probably laughed their asses off if they knew how close I was to my family but honestly, I didn't give a shit! My grandma was the one who taught me to swim, took me hunting when I was twelve, down to North Carolina and helped to teach me what it meant to think for myself. What else is there to say except I love the ole broad. "Hey kid, you ok?" James' smooth voice broke me out of thought and I found myself looking over at him as he towered over me, all 6 feet 2 inches of him. I smiled up at him and nodded before speaking, "Yeah, I'm cool. Just worried is all. Did the doctor speak to you yet?" James took the seat next to me and scooped me into his arms, my head coming to rest on his shoulder. "Not yet kiddo. Probably waiting for your dad to get here to give us more information." And ironically at that moment, the double doors swung open and my dad came sprinting down the hallway, not spotting us at first, instead, heading over to the nurses station. "Dad!" I called out, watching as his head turned towards me, before casting a glance at James. He came over to us and quickly scooped me up into his arms, before letting out a sigh of relief. "Jesus David, I'm glad you're ok. How's grandma doing?" I held unto him as tight as I could and willed myself not to cry like a pussy. "I don't know. The doctor spoke to James." And it was as if I could feel the tension well up in my dad as I mentioned James' name. He let go of me and looked into my eyes before speaking, "Give us a sec David, ok? Go grab a coke or something from the vending machine." And with that, he reached into his wallet and pulled out a five-dollar bill. I took it from him and with a quick glance in James' direction, I walked in the direction of the vending machines. JAMES Neil wouldn't look at me, at first. His head weaved around the room for a full minute, as if he was hoping above hope, that a doctor would appear, but no such luck. And finally, his eyes were forced to settle on mine, and in that moment, I felt his anxiety and pain and I had to fight the urge to pull him into my arms. Out of the three of us, Neil was probably the one that handled stress the worst. It manifested in him a tendency to want to pace, bite his nails, and ramble. "Did the doctors speak to you yet?" he asked me, his voice laced with worry. And again, I had to hold down the urge to reach over and pull him into my arms. "They wouldn't tell me much since I'm not next of kin. They've been trying to reach you all afternoon. David just happened to stop by home before heading to work, and catch the message they left on the answering machine." I watched as his face fell and become paler if that was even possible. I could see his knees begin to buckle and before he had a chance to fall, I stood up and placed my arm around his back and lower waist, this becoming the first time that I had touched him in months. "Come sit down Neil. Don't worry about a thing, these doctors know what they're doing." And even though I expected him to protest, surprisingly, he didn't. He looked up at me and nodded, allowing me to lead him to where I had previously been sitting. After a few minutes of virtual silence between us, Neil began to speak, "you said she fell. What happened? It was that damn carpet wasn't it? The ugly red one at the top of the stairs? I've told her time and time again that it wasn't a good idea to have carpet at the top of the stairs but no....she never listens. If dad were still alive, this shit would never have happened...." And it was as if he needed to talk, needed to get it all out, needed to blame somebody, so I just let him do it. If this was what Neil needed to get his head together, I was gonna let him do his thing. I suppose a smaller part of me also knew that the more he spoke, the less likely he would be aware of how close his body was to mine, how much effect his body temperature was having on me, how much this closeness was affecting me, not just physically but mentally. The fact of the matter was this, since our breakup over a year ago, I hadn't as much as touched another man in a sexual way. And trust me, it wasn't as if I didn't have my chances. I had a lot of cats run up on me the minute they found out that Neil and I were on the outs Ðso believe me when I say I did have opportunities. But it didn't feel right, I didn't feel right. It's like I knew that Neil and I couldn't go on in our relationship but I couldn't make myself move on. And of course, there was David. I could tell just by looking in his eyes that the kid was hurting...and hoping. Hurting, because his parents had fucked up his stability, hurting, because for months he had to lie to one dad in order to see the other, and hoping beyond hope that Neil and I would get back together. He may have been able to bullshit his father into believing that all he wanted was for us to be civil to one another, but every time he looked at me, I could read his thoughts and desire for so much more. But you know what, this was not the time or place to be visiting this train of thought. Maybe later, when I was home, alone, but most definitely not now. I looked over at Neil who almost too instinctively looked over at me before announcing that he was going to find a doctor, but not before quickly squeezing my hand and muttering a barely audible thanks before getting up and walking towards the nurses station. So sorry for the delay. Life has become more hectic than I expected but as 2011 approaches, I hope to be able to continue working on this story and update more frequently. Thanks to all of you that have stuck by me and whom this story has touched a chord with. A special thanks to TB for all her enthusiasm and encouragement. It's very much appreciated. HAPPY 2011!!!!! Comments for this and other stories are encouraged and appreciated and I do reply to all emails. My new email address is juniorj009@gmail.com Thanks for reading. Other stories of mine include: BEGINNINGS December 3rd 2002 YO B Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/ INTERACIAL Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/ Jan 2 2003 to-sir-with-love/ Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/ MILITARY Dec 21 2002 the-recruiter/ RELATIONSHIPS Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/ Jun 6 2005 redemption/ BI RELATIONSHIPS Dec 20 2002 graduation-day/