Date: Thu, 28 Apr 2005 18:38:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jack Smith <jdsmit74@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Farm Hand Chapter 21b

    The Farm Hand...21b
The Past..Future and the Return Home

 The jolt of the car woke him up.  He raised his head
and looked around.  They was Downtown.  And Shawn had
pulled into a parking lot.  The air smelled good.  It
was a pasta smell.  Shawn looked down at him and
smiled.  He pulled the car into a parking place and
turned it off.  Looking into his mirror he
asked him if he was ready for suprise number one.
......................................................
   The rumble of the wheels hitting the runway shook
him out of his daydream.  Jason was back in Indy, this
time things were diffrent.  He wasnt coming here for
something good or a suprise.  Something that no one
ever wants to face.  Taking a deep breath he stood up
and waited to deboard.
.......................................................
     Back in the car again they headed off towards the
east end of town.  Jason looked out the window as the
tall building's and people went by.  It was so much
diffrent then the country.  So many people and so many
place's.  It seemed like the city was alive.  As they
pulled into the next stop, Jason could see a movie
theater.
 ......................................................
    Wondering to himself how hard this really was going
to be he walked behind his Mother, looking for his
friend in the crowd.  The next couple of days were
going to be hard ones.  He was sure of that.  The last
couple of days had been hard enough already.  Jasons
eyes were puffy and red this morning.  Trying to not
think about things and relax hadnt helped any.  Crying
just seemed to happen at any time.  Something he saw or
remembered would bring them back.  Wishing to himself
that none of this was true.  Trying to wake himself up
from this dream.
    Kevin was there, standing next to a rail waving at
them.  Jason noticed he didn't look much better then
himself.  His eyes red and his face swollen.  I guess
this isn't going to be easy for anyone really.
  After short hugs, the three headed toward the car.
Jason and Kevin loaded the bags in awkward silence.
Kevin getting in on the drivers side and Jason sliding
in behind his Mom.  They started off towards where
Jason never thought he would have to go alone.  The sun
was setting in the west and the traffic was growing
along the interstate.
.......................................................
     Raising himself up, he bent down and took Shawn's
hand in his.  Lifting him up he put his arm's around
him.  Pulling him tight, as he broke the embrace.  They
headed off towards the house, hand in hand.  The
setting sun on their backs.
.......................................................
    Two hours later and hardly any talk except about
things that had changed in the city they pulled into
Kevins driveway.  The house really hadn't changed
except a fresh coat of paint.  Tonight they could rest
and prepare for the day ahead of them.  Jason would see
Shawns mom for the first time since the accident.  It
was really going to be hard on her he was sure.
   Jason was laying in bed, they had ate a cold dinner
that Kevins mom had made for them.  Conversation around
the table was kind of light.  All the better he
thought, it was going to be hard enough in the days to
come.  Jason kept asking himself why this had all
happend.  Why does something so good turn so bad so
fast?  It just couldn't be, It had to be a bad dream.
Knowing the truth of it all and feeling the tears
sweeling in his eyes, he turned towards the window.
The moon was rising, its light shining down.  Off in
the distance he could see various pole lights at the
farms and houses.
   His mind wandered back to the nights Shawn use to
take him for walks in the moonlight.  Just the two of
them, walking in nature.  The only eyes around to look
upon them those of animals hiding in the brush.  Shawn
always use to know the best places to go.  Jason always
felt more when he was with Shawn.  The full feeling
when it makes a person's heart swell with love.
   His pillow was wet with tears.  His nose running, he
got out of bed and walked into the bathroom.  Trying to
be quiet as he could.  Flipping on the switch he saw a
box of tissue, grabbing for two he blew his nose and
looked at himself in the mirror.  Why couldn't he keep
it together?  This was all to much for him.  Shawn had
made him a stronger person when he was with him.  Made
him realize just how much life was worth.  And now he
was all alone.  Just like that, in a flash he was gone.
 Like he had never been there before.  Except in his
mind and his dreams.
   Laying down he pulled the covers over his head.
Tears running down his cheeks he tried to hold it in
but lost it.  A thousand thoughts running through his
mind.  Trying to think of an answer to all of this.
   If anyone in the house was listening, they could
hear soft moans and sobs coming from upstairs.  As a
young man fought the battle between the loss of his
friend and lover.
.......................................................
   The funeral was today.  It was a rainy day, the wind
was blowing.  The sun was behind dark cloud's.  No,
bird's were singing their song's.  The mood was dark
and dreary.
.......................................................
  The thought of food this morning made Jason feel
worse.  He had been up bvefore anyone and had been
laying in bed thinking of the past.  About two hours
later he could hear noises downstairs and realized the
other must be waking up.  Knowing he couldn't stay here
all day he got up and started off towards the bathroom.
 The water running down his back felt like a thousand
fingers touching his flesh.  Standing there in the
stream he had forgoton about time until he heard a
knock on his door.  It was Brian he stuck his head in
to tell him it was about time to head into town.
  Jason couldn't help but notice how Kevin had looked
him over and then his eyes shot to the floor.  Was
there something more there.  Or was Jason just being
himself.  Steping out of the shower he let Kevin get
one more look over before taking his towel and drying
himself off.  Jason had nothing to be ashamed of, sure
he was nothing compared to Shawn.  But hey against most
guys Jason was doing good.
    Jasons mom came into his room right before they
headed into town for one more look over.  Just to make
sure everything was in place.  She couldn't help making
a coment of how fine and handsome he looked.  Jason
could feel his cheeks turn red.  Why is it moms always
have a way of making you blush.  Oh well on to things
to come.  Looking himself over one more time he headed
out the door.
   The other were talking on the ride in while Jason
looked out the window.  He knew there would be a large
crowd today.  Shawn was a well liked man. It made Jason
realized just how lucky a person he really was.  He was
the one person who got to call Shawn his own.
   The funeral home was just around the block now.
Jason could see the cars and trucks all along the
street.  Alot of people was going to be here.  Lookng
towards his mom he was glad she was with him.  This
wasn't something he would be able to do on his own.
After Kevin found a spot, they headed towards the
building.
    Jason could feel the sweat roll down his back under
the heavy jacket coat.  His mom right beside him.  Her
hand took his as they walked through the door.  She was
here for him.  To be the shoulder he would cry on, to
be the one thing he could and would count on.  Letting
the other work their way in Jason took a second to
relax and calm himself.
   Checking himself one more time he headed in.  Lite
organ music was playing and the voices of others could
be heard all around him.  Off in the corner was a group
of friends Jason recognized.  Tearful faces trying to
muster a smile as he walked towards the front of the
room.  Stoping to wait his turn he could catch quick
glances around him.  He felt the heat of stares and the
quiet talk and chat.  More then one time he heard his
name in a conversation.  They all knew who he was, and
what he had been to Shawn.  There was no reason to be
ashamed or feel bad.  Who were these people to not see
how happy they were, or what they had meant to
eachother.
  The time had come, as he walked towards the casket he
could feel his knees give out and tightend his grip on
his moms hand.  The director and his staff had done a
fine job.  Jason had heard the details and knew it
would of been a hard thing to do.  Shawn looked at
peace, his body a light tan color.  His face bright and
his eyes closed.  It looked as if he were taking a nap.
 A light bruise on the side of his head was coverd for
the most part.  His lips slightly swollen.  His shirt
was of a bright blue, the sleves looking as if his
muscle would cause it to rip apart at any moment.
Jason could feel himself start to get weak.
   His head bent and his mom held him up as well as she
could.  Jason could feel the hard cold body under his
head.  Letting it all go he could hear the sobs of his
own pain welling up inside of him.  Hands on his
shoulders his mom and friends tried to make him feel
better.  There was just nothing they could do.  Pulling
himself up and moved over and pulled himself together
the best he could.
   Looking down the row of people he saw Shawns Mom.
Here comes the hard part.  Swallowing one more time he
headed towards her.  Her eyes not seeing anyone or
anything.  Stopping in front of her Jason knelt down
and put his arms around her, at first she didn't move,
then he felt her shudder and wrap her arms around him.
The two bonded together by one thing.  The loss of
someone they had both loved and needed.
   A little while later Jason caught up with some of
his old friends.  Standing around chatting about the
past helped a little bit.  And it was good to be able
to talk.  Alot of them talked about how nice and calm
and gentle Shawn had been.  How he was there to help
anyone who needed it.  Or remembered times when Shawn
had been there.  The service would begin soon.  Jason
excused himself and found his Mom.
   The pastor of the church was the first to speak.
Talking about how a young life was ended so fast and so
soon.  Going on about how life and how we each touch
eachother.  How soon life is over and the family and
friends it touches.
    The final viewing was the hardest part of them all.
 This was the last time Jason would actually see Shawn.
 The final goodbye.  Jasons mom let him go alone so he
could have some time.  As Jason walked alone up front
he got into his pocket and felt his hand touch a piece
of paper.  It was the ticket stub from the movie they
had seen on his Birthday.  Shawn was at piece, Jason
could see that.  And even though he would never talk to
him again, he knew everything would be alright.
Touching his hand to his face Jason could feel the hard
bristle and knew life would never be the same.  Taking
the piece of paper out of his pocket he slipped it into
Shawns shirt pocket.  Letting his fingers linger for
the last time.  Bending down his lips pressed on his
forhead.  Jason could feel the tears in his eyes as he
spoke the fianl words.  I love you Shawn, and always
will remember what you gave me, and how you touched my
life.
   The outside service wasn't too long.  Jason was
enjoying the summer sun.  A wind was blowing out of the
east.  The words of the pastor could be heard.  The
usual words were spoken and the service was ended.  The
director gave the family all the time they wanted.
Jason walked up with his Mom and layed a red rose atop,
let his hand slide off the side and turned and walked
away.
   The next couple of months were going to be hard to
get through.  But he would make it.  Shawn had made him
a strong person.  Life hadn't came to an end for him,
it was just a new begining.  His lover and friend had
giving him so much and yet had been taken away.  Jason
turned and looked one last time before getting into the
car.  The sun setting in the blue sky.  The bird
singing the smell of fresh crops in the fields.
   Shawn was becoming one with the land today.  The
land he had worked so hard through his young life.  Had
worked right beside Jason for those years.  Had layed
down beside and kissed in the warm summer breeze.  And
on those cold eve nights had kept him warm.  Shawn was
the reason Jason had woke up feeling good about
himself.  Now it was time to say goodbye, time to move
on.  Never to forget what life was like or what Shawn
had made it like.  To keep a piece of him in his mind
forever.

end chap 21b.....