Date: Mon, 05 Jan 2009 03:00:20 -0500
From: pope1a@aol.com
Subject: GaySciFi:Findingmybeloved,Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Dark Theories

***Chase's Point Of View

***Disclaimer: This story is completely fictional all names situations and
other happenings are all imaginary. If anything you find true or has
happened you're a lucky bastard. This story also contains various acts of
sexual content between males. If this aint you, you might want to hit the
left arrow and turn around. If your underage the site will be here when you
are legal. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy. All comments, thoughts are welcomed
@ pope1a@aol.com. I would also like to say thank you to my new editor's for
giving the insight where I have no comprehension.


	"Those eyes," I repeated to myself. They were beautiful, the glow
so inviting. He captured my soul the first time they made contact with
me. But why? What's the big deal with those eyes to keep them so hidden, so
secretive... All these and other thoughts swarmed my head as I watched Troy
leave while I just stood there relatively calm. It still didn't register in
my thoughts, everything that had happened I mean, except for the sworn
secrecy that was keeping Troy away from me. Thoughts in my mental capacity
began to slowly arrive though. I started walking in the parking lot just to
clear my mind. My body felt weightless and carefree but I knew differently
looking at my arm in its sling. It gave me visual flashbacks of waking up
in the hospital.

	The only one at my side was Troy, his eyes always looking
forward. He was looking so unlike himself. Normally he's cleanly shaven and
his skin nice and baby smooth with only braids in his hair, but when I
looked up he looked rugged, almost similar to a lumberjack. He grew out the
hair all over his body. His hair was out in braids and down past his
shoulders. His demeanor wasn't angry but it wasn't happy either. It seemed
like his jaw was wired shut, like he was protecting me. The way his eyes
swept across the room never locking on any one object and then closed like
he was listening to something. Then instantly a weight seemed to lift off
his shoulders and a smile crept across his face.

	"What did I put him through?" I asked myself walking toward his
cars. I sat on the hood and just let my mind's eye go. There was clearly
something I missed to make this guy become infatuated with me? Was it
similarities? Differences? What made him drop Mark so quickly? Me? Sex with
Marco? The questions were boiling and I answered them one by one to
myself. The similarities aren't that big, I mean were orphans and of course
we both love cars. Not enough for me to base a conclusion on
though. Differences were plenty: he was here by choice, me by banishment;
he's black, I'm white, and still not enough for a conclusion.

	So, his Mark sounded like everything I wanted Colton to be:
available, in but eventually out and good in the sack. But, like Troy, I
wanted something more and that's when shit got rocky. Sex with no strings
attached regardless of who you are is impossible. Strings always get
attached, and that's when bonds get broken, the promise of no commitment
torn softly like tissue paper after you both get jealous. Unreasonably
envious, you don't want to let go of that person because you want to be
with them while the other wants you around because of the availability you
present. That's when your heart latches on. You want them to take the
plunge to lover's valley with you but instead they just wanna fuck on top
of lust's plateau. I now see why Troy dropped his Mark. He obviously knew
what was going through his mind, perhaps even fell for it plenty of times
before, but then why did he need me there while on the phone? Why not his
latest conquest at the time, Marco? I didn't even realize I was talking out
loud until a voice responded.

	"Because he didn't want anything more from Marco. Even you know
that."

	This voice caught me off guard until I saw the person's face.

	"Sorry, just thinking out loud," I apologized.

	"You look shaken up buddy," Michael said.

	"Just chilly that's all," I had to lie... what else could I say?
Troy has silver eyes and he almost killed Colton. Definitely not.

	"Right, well Troy called and told me what he did."

	"Oh..."

	"So how are you holding up?"

	"Honestly, I feel like shit," I chuckled.

	"Well, I'm sure Colton's worse."

	"Definitely, you didn't see the well! You can't even call it a
fight... It was more like a reflex."

	"Well, as much muscle definition as that boy has on his body..." he
shivered.

	I must say I've never seen another body so perfect; his smooth skin
and obvious football muscles. His chest stuck out but not too far, and his
abs were literally a washboard. The sex lines on this boy were definitive
to the highest degree. They came together at the perfect angle. If you went
down too far you could almost hear his crotch calling. I mean, if you
looked close at it you could've sworn it sang to you 'come try, we don't
judge'. Plus his backside was heaven too! I remember because that was the
first thing I noticed about him. He definitely had that wonder gene. He
never had to wear a belt because his ass stuck out enough to keep all his
pants up. It was nice and plump, ripe in all the right places. It was
picture perfect and he knew it, too.

But there was no way a person like him would consider bottoming, would he?
I've always wanted to top but Colton wouldn't here of it. That's when it
hit. I instantly got a little jealous thinking about how Mark had Troy for
four years, Marco and Kenny one night and even Michael had probably gotten
something from him. I'm sure of it!

	I pouted and said, "How was it for you?"

	"What the hell are you talking about man?"

	"Everybody else got a piece of the Gabriel Market. I'm sure you
shopped there!" I snapped.

	"Honestly, I've only window shopped there but why are you jealous
now?"

	"I'm so not jealous," I replied.

	"You shouldn't be but you are? After all, you did push him away
from you," he said walking me back to our room.

	I had to think. I couldn't of been too harsh on him... and that's
when my mind went completely blank and began flashing back quick as
lightening to all the different scenes in my head of Troy. Almost
everything we did I let Colton interfere in, but it didn't stop there. The
events started playing slower in my mind, like the argument we had after I
stood him up on our project. The hospital argument today too. It's possibly
our worst fight since he moved here. I can't forget that menacing glare he
shot me, like he absolutely hated me but just ten minutes later he saved me
from my personal demons. And worst of all I sent him to jail. As I came
back to reality I gasped from the shock and a tear rolled down my
cheek. All I could do was whisper, "He's gone..."

	I started to feel darkness take hold of me. I suddenly started to
get chilly and I wanted him there to hold me, to warm me up. I needed to
look down at his eyes and have him tell me that he'd come back to me.

	"Yup, you pretty much pushed him away but he's coming back,"
Michael said. "Hell, he'll probably forgive you too, even though you
already owe him your life. The guy saved you twice, put up with Colton's
ignorance, took the heat for your drinking, paid for your hospital fees and
was smart enough to make sure you got tested." he added.

	I couldn't even look at Michael. I was embarrassed just thinking
about it, knowing I did all that to another person. I was ashamed to be in
my own presence let alone Michael's. He was like my brother, his family
took me in after my adoptive parents found out I was gay. They told me to
never come to their home again. So he was now my family and witnessed me
almost destroy the life of my admirer.

	"God, I'm ashamed!" I said.

	"You should be, but here, he told me to give you this," Michael
said, handing me an envelope. I eyed it for a minute before finally opening
it, hoping it would be a heart filled letter expressing his
feelings. Obviously, Michael did too as he went to his laptop and played
some music. I was a little shocked when I opened the envelope only to find
song lyrics.

	Troy definitely wrote them seeing his unmistakable calligraphy
writing style. The song was entitled, 'After The Hurricane' by Jazmine
Sullivan.

	"Song lyrics?" I asked myself.

	"Yup, that's Troy's way of expressing his emotions," Michael said.

	I read them and he was right. The song seemed so personally
exposed, like he was releasing any pain he had into the song. Ironically,
the song started playing on the laptop and I started tearing up as I read
along. I definitely knew how Troy felt during this song because this all
happened these last couple days. One verse that stood out most read:

"Now my life is shattered, and I'm left to pick up the pieces And find a
new beginning, and put it back together again After the hurricane, the
hurricane Just like a hurricane, Just like a hurricane The way you break
everything that comes in your way Just like a hurricane, just like a
hurricane The way you broke my heart and now I'm left with the pain After
the hurricane"

	This song stung a lot realizing I was doing this to him. I just
laid in the bed and let the darkness consume me as I tried to regain
composure.

	The next few days were agonizing. There was no Troy in sight which
made school beyond depressing. I mentally blacked myself out during classes
being seen but not heard. All I wanted was Troy with me. I knew I didn't
deserve him though, and since the very beginning. But every day I was
finding out new things about Troy. Kenny told me that everyone in school
was jealous because I got to spend the most time with him. He also said
Marco became more popular because he got what everyone wanted.

	"Well, you tried to jack him off in class!" Marco snapped back.

	"Yeah I did, didn't I..."

	"I couldn't help it? His body heat pulled me in and my hand had a
mind of its own, but he didn't stop me either..." he added smiling.

	We all stared at Michael. He just smiled evilly and said, "Fine,
you got me! We worked out once and showered together but nothing happened."
he took a sharp breath.

	I got jealous again. How'd they get all this and all I got was
Colton. I took a deep breath and Michael caught me and said, "You have no
right to be jealous! Troy does though, the way you paraded around Colton."

	"I know, I know," I responded.

	"I wonder what his theory was, waiting for you to come to your
senses?" Kenny asked.

	My mind went racing at the word theory to his requests for when he
got back.

	"Those eyes..." I said blankly.

	"What did you say?" Michael questioned.

	"Oh I want...some pie," I lied.

	From that day on whenever I had free time I went straight to the
laptop. My first theories were superhero theories based off of looks,
emotions and personality and I came up with only 3: the Hulk, because of
the rage he has flowing in his body; Beast, because the hits he put on
Colton seemed so animalistic but he's also very intelligent; and
Sabretooth, because most of what he did seemed somewhat instinctual. Other
than that, the eyes only gave some cosmic balance or some special attribute
like telepathy.

	Days seemed to go a lot faster and easier with me keeping my side
of the bargain. I only hoped that one day he would come back to me so I
could try to make everything better for him and me... us even. It's been a
week and a half and still no Troy. My soul found some ground to stand on
with the hope that he was coming back even with all we'd been through. As
far as theories went I hit a dead end though. All I was getting were wolf
legends so I took a couple days off from that and on Halloween Night the
guys and I decided to watch a movie.

	"So what's the selection this year?" Kenny asked.

	"Underworld and Underworld: Evolution!" Marco answered.

	"It's all fake anyway," I sighed.

	Marco popped in the dvd. The movie was fake for the most part. Even
if vampires and werewolves were real, why would they need guns to
fight. But, this time around something struck a similarity with my
memories. The werewolves eyes shone a dim silver before they turned into
wolves. I immediately thought of Troy, and that his eyes were the same
color but brighter and knew it had to be close to something. I was getting
crazy. I knew what it was but I couldn't get it out. Fucking tip of the
tongue effect. I thought and turned to look out the window and there it
was, a bright full moon.

	That night my dreams got the best of me and I saw Troy but this
scene was more of a gruesome life or death situation. Troy had a weapon
pointed in his face by Colton and Troy was showing that scar and baring his
teeth. All of a sudden there was a loud crack in a bone and that
immediately shook me out of the dream. I woke up and went straight to the
laptop. I went deeper into this research and found an old legend of
'Children of the Moon'. It said purely born werewolves were given a gift of
her sight along with an arsenal of weapons given during coming of age. It
said that her balance weighed on their personality and on some more than
others. Another site spoke of the same legend and said that other
creature's banded to take out the 'Children of the Moon' before they came
into their stage of metamorphosis. But, out of all the information I found,
what stood out the most was "her." Who was she? Why did she do these
things? Is there a possibility that she could be a he? That's when I saw
another page and this one had a picture of a gigantic wolf howling at the
moon. My every thought paused as my mind put the pieces together like a
puzzle.

	"Troy," I said softly.

	Gazing at the picture of this wolf... how do I explain such a thing
to a person? And then it hit me. That's her! The eyes shined bright like
the moon's reflection on a lake. From a perfect view, captivating enough to
take your life away, somehow I made the conclusion that Troy was in fact a
werewolf or lycan but I was ok with that, I liked him for who he was not
for what he is or could be.

	For the first time I actually started to feel better. I was
suddenly aware in class even though I had this god forsaken sling on my
arm. Colton is completely forgotten, which I know is going to be awkward in
Psych class. I was feeling nervous. I haven't talked to him since Troy
left, but we had to talk because I needed to clear the air. Just speak my
peace and let go of his hold on me. I closed my eyes and took a deep
breath.

	"He will no longer own me."

	I repeated this to myself and walked into class. I obviously hadn't
been paying attention because Colton looked horrible even after all this
time. He had a black eye and bruised ribs, and looked every bit of fucked
up. I made a mental note that there has to be an apology somewhere in there
from Troy and snickered a little bit because karma was definitely an evil
bitch. What Colton did to me he got back in full and still had to deal with
it.

	I held most of it together and said, "How are we feeling?"

	"Oh, now you wanna talk." he said nonchalantly.

	"You know what, I was just trying to be the bigger person, but if
you think I'm gonna take your shit now, you got the wrong one." I snapped.

	"Whatever, you just remember that comment when you knock on my door
in two hours," he replied.

	"If I remember correctly, you're the one that came and got me,
called me and complained to me." I reminded him.

	"Look, since you now all of a sudden want to talk can we wait until
after class," he said.

	"Fine, but you will not put your hands on me! Lucky I was drunk
when you did it the first time."

	I couldn't believe this! Troy was right. He was a clown. I never
felt more disrespected in my life. I was so glad that today was Friday, a
perfect night for shopping at the mall. I texted the guys, told them I
would meet them at the car. I was cutting Colton off for good. I went up to
Troy's car and waited because it really was a good area to think. Even
though he wasn't there I still felt his presence around his car.

	"So what you wanna talk about?" Colton asked

	"Oh...uh...us" I replied caught off guard.

	"What about us?"

	"I can't do this anymore."

	"Why's that?"

	"It's just that I want more than sex and you don't."

	"Oh, you wanna be together?"

	"Yes, but you just want sex"

	"Yes, but I want more sometimes too..."

	"Really?! Why now? What's with the epiphany?"

	He walked closer to me and said, "Look, I know I hurt you, and I'm
sorry! I don't know what I can do to have you forgive me. I promise you it
will never happen again. I was drunk and you went all PDA on me and I lost
it, because I'm in the closet." he chimed back.

	"I was in the hospital for a week! Why didn't you visit me even
once?"

	"I didn't think you wanted to see me... and I am in the closet."

	"Wow, 0-2 already for your questions."

	"Well, it's the truth. Give me one that I should know."

	"Ok, what's my fave color and why? And if you get this wrong it's
over." I said.

	"Easy, red and you wear it all the time."

	"Is that your final answer?" I asked, while in my head I was
looking at the cliff that I was going to be free falling down. It instantly
took me back to Troy and his Mark. Colton wanted me to fall with him and I
got nervous. There was nobody to catch me or visibility of the ground
below. It was just me holding onto Colton's hand.

	"Of course that's my final answer," Colton replied. It was risky
but a tear ran down my cheek and I slowly released myself from his grip and
fell down the cliff. I whispered "goodbye" to Colton. He heard my answer
and grabbed me and whispered back "no". But, he was too late sure he
grabbed me physically, but mentally and emotionally I was falling, faster
and further away from him. I shook my head and said, "Why, why should I?"

	He took a deep breath and said, "Because I love you"

	These words didn't mean anything to him and I could see that
clearly on his face.

	"I highly doubt it," I replied and just walked off to meet the
guys. When I came into view my arm was pulled around. It was Colton he
said, "What if I kissed you right here, right now in front of everyone?"

	"Look, you're not ready, it's cool. When you are you'll find
someone," I said hugging him to let him know that all is forgiven.

	"Can we at least be friends?"

	"I'd like that."

	"Can you forgive me?"

	"Can you forgive Troy?"

	"Touché, but I did deserve it..."

	"Plus some. Bye." I said getting in the car. I felt so much better,
almost weightless. I let a smile creep across my face as I said, "I did
it!" The car suddenly erupted in applause. Now all I needed was Troy and we
could have the happy ever after. God this was a long ride to the mall.

	"Where are you taking us, Marco?" I asked.

	"Potomac Mills, were almost there."

	"Close to D.C." Michael added.

	"Yeah, we gotta get some real shopping done," Marco said.

	"Who are you meeting?" I asked.

	"Nobody, I'm just shopping around a little."

	We all laughed at that as he parked the car on the lot. His little
play on shopping meant he was trying to find one thing and it wasn't
clothes. As we walked into the mall we sent the lovebirds away to shop
together. It was just Marco and I left to shop around. I took a deep breath
and grabbed Marco and said, "Let's go!"