Date: Mon, 1 Feb 1999 23:31:12 -0700
From: Mars S. Venus <ladezerti@geocities.com>
Subject: Lazer Ray & The Interstellar Spy, part 2

Lazer Ray & The Interstellar Spy
Part 2 of 4
by Mars S. Venus

     He wasn't sure what happened after that- he blacked out, and when he
came to he found himself lying on his back on the couch while Rus sat
asleep in the chair next to him, his now-warm coke sitting upright in his
lap.

     Ray looked at Rus' chest in amazement. He knew he'd gone nuts, but
hadn't realized he'd gotten *that* carried away- but there was the evidence
right before him. He had clawed so savagely at Rus' chest and back that
there were tender red streaks all over him.

     He felt guilty- not just because he'd hurt Rus, but because he'd gone
through with the whole thing in the first place. It had just seemed to
happen so naturally, but it really wasn't like him. He barely knew this
man.

     He stood up and looked around dumbfounded, as though this wasn't his
house. He tried to find something he could feel comforted by, something
familiar and reassuring.

     His eyes fell on Rus' coat, and the pack of cigarettes that was
peeping out from the pocket. Now, Ray had tried smoking on a few occasions,
and decided that now would not only be a good time to calm his nerves but
it would also fulfil an old cliche. He doubted Rus would mind.

     He took out the pack and opened it up.

     It was not full of cigarettes.

     Neither was it pot- that would at least be vaguely normal.

     No, it was full of machinery. No wait, not really machinery-
microcircuitry. Whatever sort of device it was, Ray somehow doubted it
could be smoked.

     Opening it seemed to bring it to life. Diodes blinked at him and wires
came to life. A beam of blue light shot out of it and focused in midair,
causing a weird effect like a sunbeam on motes of dust. He hadn't cleaned
here in a while, but this definitely was not dust.

     The vague shape snapped into focus, revealing the figure of an bald,
older man standing in front of him in dark blue overalls. Every detail of
this person was perfect- from the wavy grey hair that remained around his
ears to the wrinkled hands to the shined black boots. But he seemed to be
made of light. Ray could see right through him.

     They looked at each other in surprise. Ray was so shocked and confused
that he dropped the device in the cigarette pack, temporarily jarring the
image.

     "Be careful with that!" the man yelled. Ray's jaw opened and closed as
he tried to say something, but whatever thought was about to come out of
his mouth was quickly overlapped by a thought that was screaming, 'wait a
second... I think I'm naked!' His hands flew to his crotch, and he modestly
tried to cover himself up.

     "Relax," said the image. "I've seen many men naked in my line of
work." He added bitterly, "it's unavoidable. Where is that tramp, anyways?"

     "Who?"

     "Novela. Rus Novela."

     Ray lifted one hand to point behind the projection. It- he- whatever-
turned, looking disdainfully at the sleeping figure in the armchair.

     "For crying out loud- has he been at it with the whips and chains
again?"

     "What? No. I mean- er, what *are* you?"

     "I am a hologram, model bj-369. What are you?" the hologram asked as
he leaned over to examine Rus through squinted eyes.

     "I'm an entrepreneur," Ray answered, trying to slip into a pair of
underwear while the hologram was turned away.

     "I didn't mean your profession, I meant your race. Are you the
Centaurian we were sent to rendezvous with?"

     This was more than Ray could absorb in one bite. He stood there
dumbly, half of him wondering what on earth the hologram was talking about
and the other half wondering whose underwear he was wearing.

     "You'll have to try that again," he said after a moment of hesitation.

     The old man turned to face him, frowning. "I take it you're human."

     Easy question, easy answer. "Yes."

     The man sighed and turned again to Rus. He clapped his hands in front
of Rus' face, and began yelling at him to wake up. Rus simply lay there,
prone and naked.

     "What have you been feeding him?" the man demanded, bending over to
read the ingredients off the can of coke. "Were you aware that this
contained phosphoric acid?" he demanded.

     "Yes- I mean, I guess so. Is he allergic to that?"

     "You could say that." The old man sighed. "He'll sleep for at least
four days." He cursed and tried uselessly to kick the chair.

     Ray put on a pair of jeans- he was pretty sure they were his- and
tried to retake control of the situation. "I don't understand. What's going
on here?"

     The hologram paused, deliberating what he should reveal to Ray, who
was starting to feel like an ant from an anthill in the middle of rural
Iowa who has suddenly stumbled onto a freight train headed for New York
City.

     "Let's start at the beginning," the old man said at last. "Roughly
twenty-six billion years ago the universe was formed from a tremendous
explosion, spreading enough dust to fill trillions of Hoovers throughout
all of existence. This dust coalesced into stars and planets, some of which
had the correct conditions to allow life to form. This eventually gave rise
to several barbaric races such as his-" he pointed to Rus- "and yours. His
race eventually became advanced enough to develop toaster-heated breakfast
tarts and highly intelligent holograms such as yours truly. They were also
advanced enough- notice I don't say smart enough- to develop war, which
lead to espionage, which lead to this hormone-driven package of meat we see
before us. With me so far?"

     A metaphoric freight train pulled to it's stop. Ray nodded weakly.

     "I am Agent Novela's assistant, bj-369, serial number 01000101. You
can call me Zero." he thrust out his hand quickly, and Ray instinctively
tried to shake it, passing through thin air.

     Without missing a beat, Zero went on. "We were on a mission out here
in the boondocks to rendezvous with a Centaurian carrying classified
technology that is supposedly capable of ending fully, completely, and
peacefully the war between our confederation and the vast Commonwealth of
Deferens." He looked again in distaste at Rus' comatose form. "Apparently
Novela does not concern himself enough with intergalactic warfare to read
the ingredients of carbonated beverages. You see, phosphoric acid acts as a
very powerful sedative to his race."

     Ray felt overwhelmed and stupid. At first he completely refused to
accept what he was seeing and hearing, then he felt very angry for getting
himself wrapped up in all of it, then he prayed silently that some giant
hand would pop out of the sky and squish him, ending his confusion and
putting him back in perspective as far as the universe was concerned. Then
he felt very depressed and guilty for getting himself wrapped up in all of
it, and then he looked up and nodded. Fine. So the universe was really that
big. So he had just lost his vir- so he just had sex with an alien.
Whatever. Was it anything that years of various science fiction movies had
not prepared him for?

     After these three or four seconds had past, Ray's mind clicked into
motion. "When is the rendezvous scheduled for?"

     "Six hours and twenty-seven minutes."

     "Is there any way we can wake him up?"

     "Not unless you have thirteen litres of Tabasco juice and twenty
pounds of coffee beans."

     "How far is it to the rendezvous point?"

     "About six hours and twenty-seven minute's drive in one of this
planet's vehicles."

     "Alright." He pulled a shirt on.

     "Alright *what?*"

     "Alright, let's go. You obviously can't drive, so I'll have to. You
can use your fancy holographic technologies to make me look like him, and
I'll pick up the crates. There's no other option."

     "You can't be serious!"

     "You have a better idea?"

     Zero hesitated, then agreed. "We won't need to disguise you; the
Centaurian doesn't know what Novela looks like. Put on his coat; the ID is
in his pocket."

     Ray put on the trench coat and went through the pockets. There were a
few miscellaneous sex toys in them, along with a some other unidentifiable
paraphernalia and a wallet. The wallet contained all sorts of money from
various worlds, some credit cards, and an ID made out in some unreadable
language. Thankfully, it was not a photo ID.

     In another pocket, Ray put his own wallet with his driver's license.
He shut off the stereo and turned off the lights, then covered up Ray with
some blanket to keep him warm while they were gone. He picked up the fake
pack of cigarettes and they walked out to Ray's car.

     Zero simply walked through the car door and sat down. Ray got in and
started it up, clearing the sticky-notes off his controls so that he could
turn on the windshield wipers. The rain had calmed quite a bit, but was
still coming down.

     As he pulled out he reflected on everything that had happened. The
entire scenario was ridiculous, but he had no choice but to play along. It
was already nine in the evening, and he was thankful for his collection of
heavy gothic rock and the cans of caffeine-rich sodas on the back seat.

     "I can't believe this is happening," Ray muttered as he got on the
highway and rushed off in the direction that Zero pointed.

     "I can. I knew his screwing around would get him in trouble sooner or
later."

     "You're saying he's slept around?"

     "I'm saying his black book has to be stored on several computer
archives."

     "Damn. We didn't use protection," he said quietly.

     "Don't worry about it. Nothing can pass between species. You may look
alike but your biological makeup is completely different."

     "That's a relief. Still, I feel like it happened too... easily."

     "Did he give you a massage?"

     "Yes."

     "And you didn't notice the miniscule pores on his fingertips?"

     "What do you mean?"

     "Pheromone glands. That's one thing that *does* pass between species-
he hardly needed to seduce you, he had chemical warfare on his side."

     Ray frowned angrily. "I feel so-"

     "-used? Now you know how I feel. I'm just a holographic slave doing my
job, trying to protect the galaxy from war while also trying to protect it
from Novela."

     They drove on bitterly for several hours, making mean and sarcastic
comments to each other about Rus. Before long they were both quite
satisfied.

     "One thing I don't understand," Ray said as he thought about his
encounter. "Why was he hitch-hiking? Couldn't he just land at the
rendezvous site in his starship, or whatever he gets around in?"

     Zero shook his head. "The Centaurians gave us specific instructions
not to land within seven hundred kilometres of the rendezvous point. It's
standard operating procedure- security reasons."

     "I see."

     By the time they got there, Ray was so tired that he almost passed
out. He had managed to keep awake on a mix of cola, the Chemical Brothers,
and Zero's persistent complaining about the volume level. It was a great
relief when Zero pointed out the warehouse they were supposed to meet
behind.

     "Alright," Zero instructed him, "this is how it goes. First, you make
sure that you and the Centaurian are alone- if you see anyone else at all,
get out. He'll have a small black case with him; insist on seeing the
contents and having them explained to you."

     "What's in the case, anyways?"

     "I don't know. It wasn't part of our briefing, but we were told that
we would understand once we saw for ourselves. Once you're satisfied about
the contents of the case, we'll get out of the area and receive further
instructions."

     "Don't we have to give them any payment?"

     "We were told that we would understand what was expected in return
when we saw the contents of the case."

     Ray nodded. "Wish me luck."

     "Good luck, Ray."

     Ray was touched. He hadn't heard Zero refer to Rus as anything but
Novela. He didn't have time to think about it, though. He walked around the
building and saw a large, tall man in a black overcoat waiting for him.

     As he moved closer he got a better look, and realized that the man was
definitely not human. There was nothing specific that gave him away; in
fact, if Ray hadn't known what he was looking for he would have missed it
completely. In fact, he realized, he would have simply mistaken the man for
a large, tall black basketball player.

     He grew suddenly very suspicious of the NBA.

     "You're three minutes late," said the Centaurian in a gruff and
booming voice. Ray felt the lingering phermones give him a momentary surge
of desire.

     "I took time to make myself look beautiful for you," he wise-cracked
smoothly, trying to slip into the role.

     The Centaurian huffed and picked up a large luggage case. The case was
obviously quite heavy, but the Centaurian was in good shape. He put the
case between them and undid the clasps. He then stepped back and waited.

     Ray quickly realized what was expected of him, and he bent over to
lift up the top. What he found inside would have ruined his virginity in a
single glance if it was still intact.

     Dildoes. Condoms. Various tiny pieces of leather underwear. It was
incredible... there were things that he simply couldn't describe. Some
couldn't possibly be what they looked like, and yet why not? These were
obviously not designed for humans.

     "Alright," Ray said, gathering his composure. "You've got me stumped.
How do you expect to stop a war with sex toys?"

     The Centaurian grinned smugly. "This planet has an adage: 'make love,
not war.' Your confederation decided to take that literally, so they hired
us. Surely you know that Centauria is the leading developer of sexual
enhancements?"

     "Of course," Ray lied. "I still don't think I understand the plan. It
can't be that simple."

     "It is- almost. Actually, it has to do with the nature of your
confederation and the Commonwealth of Deferens. Technically, you're all the
same species, but you can't interbreed because of a peculiar little
mutation in the Deferen equipment... their women have adapted, but it's
impossible for one of your men to impregnate one of their women without one
of these." He reached into the case and brought out a
rather... unusual... condom.

     "Yeeouch!" Ray shouted involuntarily.

     "My thoughts too. But as they also say on this planet: different
strokes for different folks." He tossed the abomination back into the case.

     "And all of this is for the straights?" Ray asked, pondering the
various other implements.

     "Straights, gays, lesbians, bisexuals; we came up with a little
everything for everyone." He pulled out a device that looked like a
miniature umbrella stand. "We even developed this little tidbit for orgy
fans."

     Ray stood there in amazement as the Centaurian introduced him to the
various devices. His world was very quickly becoming a lot less innocent.

     "Wait, I still don't understand!" he cried in confusion. "How will
allowing everyone to have sex with everyone else help?"

     "Well, there's the obvious release of tension that most military minds
could use. But on the longer term, your confederation is looking at
dissolving the barrier between your two subspecies."

     "Oh... I think I understand. The genes get a chance to mingle again,
and the two peoples finally become one again. It's brilliant!"

     "Then you are happy with our arrangement?"

     "Perfectly! I'll get this back to the confederation straight away."
Ray closed the case and did up the clasps.

     "Hold on," said the giant alien, putting a hand on Ray's shoulder. Ray
looked up in surprise.

     "Of course," he said, realizing. "An exchange. What is it you require
in return?"

     The Centaurian didn't answer verbally, but Ray caught a look in his
eye that was unmistakable. He looked down at the man's crotch and wondered
how large that thing must be in proportion...

     "Surely you jest?"

     The Centaurian appeared insulted. "Do I seem like the sort of
gentleman who would joke about such matters? I've heard of your reputation.
They say you give a mean blowjob."

     Ray realized that he had little choice in the matter. He could chicken
out now or save two civilizations and get an incredible experience at the
same time.

     But could he pull off a blowjob worthy of Rus' reputation? There was
only one way to find out. He looked up at the Centaurian and smiled.

     The Centaurian undid his zipper, and Ray sat on the case at a
comfortable height to have access to his impending meal.

     How was he going to do this? What if the Centaurian expected a
deep-throating? What was the proper technique? Before he could think of
anything more, the Centaurian's zipper was down and his cock was hanging
out, slightly limp but rising steadily.

     Ray's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You are very well- endowed," he
told the Centaurian.

     He shrugged modestly. "Really, I'm only average... for my species."

     Ray took the giant member in his right hand. It wasn't fully erect
yet, but it snaked down Ray's wrist and felt like it weighed twenty
pounds. The shaft was a deep chocolate brown and the head a brightening
purple. Ray reached up into the man's pants and found his large balls
hanging loose in their sack. There didn't seem to be much hair.

     He pulled the balls out and decided to start his work there. With one
quick movement he slipped his mouth around one of them, his hand running
upwards to stroke the Centaurian's crotch. He was surprised at how good the
Centaurian tasted: there must be something sugary in their sweat. He sucked
on it like it was a gobstopper, then slipped the other one in as well. The
now fully-erect cock was pressed up against his face.

     There was so much in his mouth that his cheeks felt stretched. He
sucked hard, and had to use his tongue to prevent them from choking him. He
looked up to see that his subject was enjoying himself, his head arced back
in pleasure. His hands were respectfully at his sides: he didn't expect to
have to force-feed.

     Ray slipped the moist ballsac out of his mouth and got down to the
real task at hand. He ran his tongue up the underside of the Centaurian's
member, hoping that human anatomy was analogous enough for comparison. The
Centaurian didn't complain at all.

     And now the cockhead. Ray felt sudden apprehension: sucking the man's
balls was one thing, but this head was huge. It was not impossible, though;
he could fit his mouth around it. He wet it experimentally with his tongue,
trying to be a cock-tease as he expected Rus was. Then he slipped the head
in, and with relief found that he could take as much as two inches of the
shaft without a gag reflex. The secret, he suspected, was not to avoid the
reflex but to suppress it. 'Here goes nothing,' he thought to himself, and
angled his throat for the kill.

     With a great force of effort, he prevented the gag reflex, and even
with this huge dick down his throat he found he could still breathe without
much difficulty. Confident, he began to have fun.

     He withdrew once again to meet the head, and he gave it special
attention. He used his tongue to explore the opening, and saw the
Centaurian flinch in a mix of pain and pleasure. He kept at it, and could
see that he was driving this man wild. He used his tongue to play with the
underside of the shaft, he nibbled gently with his teeth, he did everything
that he thought Rus would do and more. Finally he went deep again, going as
far as he thought he should, and bobbed back and forth over five inches of
the cock. Incredibly, another five were leftover. He needed his hands to
finish the job. He now had the entire shaft enclosed, and he gave it
several long pulls. The Centaurian moaned happily.

     He increased the rhythm, building up the sexual tension until at last
the Centaurian cupped Ray's head in his hands and shoved them closer
together. He scrunched up his face and tried hard not to yell out as he
came, shooting his load down Ray's throat.

     The giant member relaxed quickly, going soft before it was even
completely withdrawn. Ray had the feeling that the load had been enormous;
he felt full, like he'd just had a small meal. He put the soft cock back
into his mouth to milk out the rest of the cum.

     "They were right," the Centaurian said with a sigh. "You are the
best."

     Ray wondered if he said that to all the guys. It sounded sincere,
though.

     Ray stood up as the Centaurian hid away his cock in his pants. Ray was
hard now, but unfortunately the encounter was over. He licked his lips as
the Centaurian started to walk away.

     "I hope we meet again sometime," the Centaurian said as he disappeared
into the shadows. Ray rolled the heavy case back to his car- luckily it had
wheels. He hoisted it up into the trunk and closed the lid.

     Zero was waiting with a frown. "I guess I don't need to ask what the
exchange entailed? Just another satisfied customer, I suppose." Ray noted
that Zero wasn't speaking with the same frustration he had used earlier on
Rus. He grinned sheepishly as he started the car.

     "He's only my second," Ray replied.

     "Your second this evening," Zero teased.

     "This night is young, Zero. Where to now?"