Date: Fri, 07 Sep 2001 20:35:17 -0700
From: Lael Stalnaker <vanyelashkev@pacbell.net>
Subject: Near Collision Update

Hello all.

 Well, things have been chaos now for a while. My job situation changed, my
health has been up and down, writer's block, and just plain tired. Still,
mostly I can and do deal with it fairly well. Until this August.

  As many of you are aware, Benji (also known as Elf *g*) has been my main
editor for a while. He too has had his share of health problems and personal
chaos. Well, that to became something much harder to deal with this August.
Not his health though. Joshi was killed in a plane crash in early August.
Joshi was my friend too, not just through Benji. I wrote something for
Benji, but have not had the heart since then to pick up all of my projects.
Kind of hard to write when your eyes fog up everytime you start to type.

I will promise this. The story is not dead or forgotten. I WILL continue it
and keep it going. Just be patient with me, ok?

Thanks for all of the wonderful email and supportive words. They do make a
difference.

Lael

Here is what I wrote for Benji. It pretty much says everything you would
want to know, though it is written in free-form prose. I will understand if
it is not your thing, but it will tell you a lot about Joshi and why he was
so special.


"God Sent "

He was an answer to two prayers
One spoken aloud and one not
When friends proved they were
Less than what they claimed
And turned away without shame
He came, indignant, to fill the void
Of heart and space
To which they had laid waste
Not from pity or self service
From compassion for another's need
He stepped forward
As so many stepped back and turned away.
Friendship offered, without price nor motive
Simply for friendship's sake

One hoped that he was the answer
To that spoken prayer
The one who could not help
In the way that was so badly needed
Someone to be there
To hold, to care, to bring hope
With simple human touch
To fill the empty soreness
Of a seeking heart
Someone to bring laughter and joy
To a barren, lonely plight
The one that prayed aloud
Held his breath, seeing the promise
Of that prayer fulfilled

The one whose prayer was silent
Reported each new thing
To the one friend who stayed
But was so far away
Too many miles to overcome
When he needed someone near
To help with heart's pain
He told of his secret hope
That this new friend
Might really be the one
Someone who could love him
Someone that would support him
Someone that would help him
Overcome his fear and bane
His one long distance friend
Waited and waited for that day
When the new friend would
Come forward and complete
The whispered prayer

The one who prayed aloud
Urged the silent one
To speak his troubled heart
And tell the prayer sent one
What was really there
So much fear, so hard to say
Still, this risk must be borne
How is the silent one to know
Unless he looses the words
To find that unwhispered prayer
With incredible courage
And his heart in his throat
The silent one spoke
Telling the God sent one
All that was hidden
Within the vastness of a good heart
The silent one woke
Seeing what was before him
Understanding the risk of loss
And understanding the possibility
That this was the answer
To that unspoken prayer

God had heard
He had answered
The prayer that was spoken
And that which was unsaid
The new friend was indeed the one
That God had sent
To raise up the wounded one
To bring him back from the edge
To show him what it is to love and be loved
To know another's touch that thrills the soul
To have a partner and soul mate
To have one who truly hears
To have unconditional support in all trials
To know what was needed at any given time
To awaken a sleeping sexual being
All of these and far, far more
Joshi gave to Benji
Love, the purest I've ever seen

After a short time
The body's illness departed
No match for Joshi's care
Benji's heart was no longer barren
Filled beyond its limit
Time flew quickly and without notice
Weeks became months but not quite a year
Then came the summons
That changed it all
No warning, no parting
Simply gone

A flight to see relatives
Joshi and his parents went
But did not arrive
The plane had problems
And the pilot did not know
No word was heard
For a solid week, time unending
Then came word, the plane was found
My heart froze for Benji
As he told me the words
Joshi was truly gone
Never to return
Tears blind me now
As I try to write
I can't help him through this
Nothing I say will work
I will give and always have
My unending support and love
My spoken prayer had been answered
As had his silent one
Random chance came and took him back
There is no blame to attach
Please, Elf, never forget that

Remember that he came
Don't dwell on him gone
Remember what it felt like
Don't let that turn bitter
Remember what he taught you about life, love and your body
Don't ever forget, by choice or chance
Remember this: He will never be forgotten from now on
As long as there are eyes in the world to read
Remember what he did for you
And some day
Do the same for another

8/20/91