Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:17:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Lori Borgaard <lborgaard@yahoo.com>
Subject: Starlight in the Heavens - 3 [gay male: sf or fantasy

Joshua



     "Joshua, you have no idea just how true that statement is.  There is
not a human in this world that would place me as their type.  I am not what
you see."

     What the hell does that mean?  She's not what I see.  But there is a
change in her.  A change in her eyes as she looks at Sean.  No, you can't
have him, he's mine.

     "What are you?"

     Shit.  Just listen to the fear in my voice.  I can't believe I'm
afraid of this little wisp of a woman.  But, didn't she just say she
wasn't?

     "I am many things.  I am what is needed for those who wish to accept
me.  For you, I am the binder of your souls."

     Not true.  I searched my whole life for Sean.  He's always been a part
of me.

     "No.  We were one long before you came."

     "Mmm, to a point."

     I watch her set down her glass and lift her hands, palms facing, but
not touching.  And they start to glow.  Oh fuck, this is beyond weird.
They're glowing blue, but not the same color blue.  One is light blue and I
can see, it's the same color as my eyes.  The other one is the dark blue I
fall into every time I look into Sean's eyes.

     "This is what you were before I came.  Half."

     I have to loosen my grip on Sean a little when he squirms and curls
into my lap, resting his head in under my chin.  His hair smells so fresh,
so clean.  Once he's settled, I tighten my hold a little but I feel more
relaxed.

     She puts her hands together, lacing her fingers.  The colors combine,
joining and blending, becoming a brilliant royal blue.

     "And complete."

     She pulls her hands apart, and the color separates into two distinct
shades again.

     "Do you see?"

     I think I get it, so I nod.  His hair is so soft, silky against my
cheek.  I can feel my need for him rising; my heart is starting to pound.
It's his smell, rising from his hair, his skin.  Concentrate.

     She laces her fingers again and I watch the color change.

     "This is you now."

     When she pulls her hands apart, the color doesn't separate.  It
stretches and grows tight.  Like a rubber band being pulled to its limit,
it pulls back wanting to force her hands together again.

     "This is the pain you feel.  The incomprehensible need you have to be
connected."


"There is more."

     I hear his voice and my heart screams for him.  I would take him here
and now if she were not in the same room.  I almost do.  I have to make it
to the bedroom.  I have to have him now.

     As I lay him on the bed, insanely pulling, tearing my way through his
T-shirt, I feel his fingers clawing through my own.  His whimpers are
driving me mad, so close to the edge.

     "In me...in me...in me."

     His shorts torn and tossed aside, his feet push mine away and he flips
me over onto my back, straddles, aims, and slides over my aching erection.
Over the edge, I'm falling...into starlight.

     What do you do when the only time you feel complete is in union with
the one you love?  What do you do with the ache in your heart when he isn't
in your arms?  I don't understand.  I only know that we can never be apart.

     "Shh, Josh, baby, don't cry."

     Grasping his hips, so no connection is lost, I slide up against the
headboard and hold him to me.  I want to make love to him.  I want to kiss
every inch of his skin.  But how am I to do that without losing that
closest of joining.  I love him so much it hurts, and all I can do is
clutch him to me and sob into his hair.

     Then she's here.  Her fingers push the hair back from my forehead and
when I look up, she kisses my eyes.

     Darkness and starlight.  I'm floating through what seems to be
millions of stars.  Bright prisms of color that pulse and shimmer all
around me in the dark.  First blending, then separating, then blending
again.  And she's there, in the midst of them, drawing them to her as she
dances.  They swirl around her, move within her, shine thru her skin.  But
she isn't her anymore.  A phantom of color, a cloud of starlight.  I can
sense it building, growing.  An explosion of light and color races through
me.  Darkness.  Only a single star remains.  It pulses, light, dark, royal
blue.  It rests upon my chest and moves within to wrap itself around my
heart.  I am complete.

     She's gone, and he's lying beside me, face to face.  His breath is
shallow in sleep, his eyes moving beneath the lids as he dreams.  I have to
wonder if he's having the same dream.  I don't want to wake him, my angel
in repose.  Just a light touch along his chin, a soft caress on his smooth
cheek.

     I've memorized Sean's face.  I see it in my dreams, both asleep and
awake.  Yet, as I lie here next to him, it seems as though it's brand new.
I marvel at the delicate slope of his nose, the curve of his chin.  He has
the face of a cherubic angel, sweet, tender, innocent.  His brow furrows as
he dreams, making him look even more beautiful.  His lips, soft as rose
petals, part as I brush against them.

     With only the tip of my tongue, I trace along his full mouth, tasting
the residue of the brandy.  Sweet.  I sigh, resting my head on my pillow,
and watch my angel sleep.

     ***

     We came to the beach often the summer of our meeting.  Always trying
to choose the times when Mandy was there.  Sean had a special rapport with
the girl and I tried to understand it.

     He would sit with her for long times, holding her and stroking through
her hair.  To anyone that didn't know them, the thought would come that
they were the lovers.  Not he and I, though I was never far from them.  And
when we'd go, she would repeat what she'd said in the beginning.

     "Take care of him for me.  There's no one in the world like him."

     Then she'd gently pull me down and brush her lips against mine and I'd
know there was no one in the world like her.

     ***

     Pools of wondrous dark blue, gaze back at me and I feel my heart skip
a beat.

     "What are you thinking about?"

     "I have to be thinking?"

     "I know you Josh.  You're always thinking."

     His fingers send currents of warmth and electricity though me as he
touches my mouth.  My body responds in an instant and I cover his face with
kisses.  This is my heaven.  To have him so close I can feel his cock
battling with mine.  To taste his skin, to hear him moan and gasp each time
I give him pleasure.  And pleasure him I do as my tongue slides down his
smooth chest to lick up the pool of precum building on his taut stomach.
One light lick and suck, then I'm off to his inner thigh.  His hands
flutter, draw near, but he knows me well and digs into the bed, grabbing
onto the sheets and holding on.

     His breath comes in ragged gulps as I work around his balls.  He's
very sensitive here, almost to the point of ticklish, so I won't stay long.
Back to his pulsing rod, licking up to the head and once more a little
suck.  His moans are growing louder, his gasps more intense as I lift his
legs to continue my journey.  Down to his tight love hole, to lick, to
tease, to suck.  I take my time, exploring the depths of him with my tongue
and he begins to whimper my name.

     "Josh.  Josh.  Josh."

     I run my fingers through the precum gathering on his stomach again.  I
know it's sweet, I love its flavor but it has other uses for me now.

     He feels my fingers at the threshold and pushes against them.  One,
two, then three, and begins to buck.

     "Oh God, Josh.  You're killing me here."

     A hand releases the sheets and flutters convulsively in the air before
reaching into my hair.

     "Please.  Oh please, Joshy, please."

     My fingers removed, his legs over my shoulders, I slowly give him what
he's begging for.  Very slowly.  In, out a little, in again and grind.  I
rub up gently on his prostate and watch him shiver.  Harder now, faster.
Both his hands are in my hair.

     "Yes...yes...yes.  Oh yes."

     Okay, no more playing around.  Time to drive it home.  I pull out to
the end and slam into my lover, sending us both over the screaming edge.

     "JOSHUA!"

     Starlight.  He is my heaven.  Always and forever, he will be my
heaven.

     ***

     The first year we were together, we were inseparable.  The only times
we were apart were the times I was working.  He'd wait at the door while I
drove away and he'd be at the door waiting when I returned.  There were a
lot of meetings with bullshit estate attorneys and his father's partners.
It always amazed me how ridiculous these characters were; though, I
imagine, if I hadn't been there, they would have gotten away with a lot.  I
was young, only twenty-three at the time, and they didn't realize how well
I knew the legal lingo.  When they started in with their double talk,
trying to get Sean to sign over his, and his siblings, rights to company
shares, they had him rightly confused.  They got the shock of their lives
when I stepped in.  I made sure Sean knew exactly what they were saying and
went over each and every proposal with him, eventually teaching him how to
interpret on his own.

     Yep, inseparable.  Except for one week, when he disappeared from my
sight.  He left a note, cryptic though it was.



     Joshua,

     Please don't hate me.

     This is something I have to do.

     I love you.

     Sean



     I went to the beach and sat in the spot we'd met and waited for him to
return.

     ***

     "You're being awfully quiet."

     His voice brings me out of my thoughts.

     "Am I?"

     We're sitting on the balcony watching the sun as it sets over the
ocean.  He has his brandy and I have my wine.

     "You never did tell me what you were thinking about."

     "Mmm."

     "Josh."

     I don't want to answer.  I don't want to dredge up past hurts, but I
can't get them off my mind either.  I want to understand.  I want to
forget.

     "I was just remembering our first year together."

     He doesn't speak, but turns his head to look out at the water and
furrows his brow.  I wait.  Eventually, he returns his gaze to my eyes.

     "Does it still bother you?"

     With a humorless smile I ask, "Which part?  That you left me?  That
you loved her?  Or that you made love to her?"