Date: Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:02:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: Lori Borgaard <lborgaard@yahoo.com>
Subject: Starlight in the Heavens - 7 [gay male: sf or fantasy]

     Finality.  That's the only thing I can think of to explain what I'm
seeing.  Finality of the dreams that tormented me.  Finality of the choice
I made with Mandy.  It makes sense in a way.  After all, isn't that why I
made the choice?  To give her son life?  But why had it been so important?
Why did it have to be me?  Because of the dreams of course.  She'd dreamt
of the ocean; I'd dreamt of the ocean.  She'd dreamt of a swimmer; I'd
dreamt of a swimmer.  The fates were speaking, and I had to answer.  There
really hadn't been much of a choice in the end.  Even if it did make me
feel like shit.  Even if I had hurt the man I loved.  No choice.

     "Shit."

     The color disappears as Jenna drops her hands and closes her eyes with
a sigh.

     "I'm sorry, Sean.  I wish they hadn't forced themselves into your
mind.  I understand why they did, but still..."

     Just a pawn.  That's what Josh said, and I have to agree.  They made
me a pawn in the game of life.  I can feel the hurt coming, and with it the
tears that will soon burn their way out.  Josh must feel it too because his
arms are pulling me tighter to his chest.

     "Why did they, Jenna?  Why did they force themselves?  Why cause Sean
to give himself like that?"

     "It was not only him, Joshua.  You know that don't you?  He could not
give himself without also giving you."

     Ah, and here it comes.  I can feel it in every muscle as he shudders
around me.  The tip of the shard within his heart burying itself ever
deeper.  An agonizing, ripping wound that he's carried with him, never
sharing it, just bearing it alone.

     "Yeah.  I know it.  Now you tell us why.  You tell us, what was so god
damn important that he felt he had to leave me for her?  And while you're
at it; why the fuck did she cry once she had him?"

     What?  She...What?  Why?  Oh God...What did I do?  My heart is
pounding.  It's trying to escape, run away.  I can't breathe.

     "Shh, Sean, baby slow down.  Look at me, Sean.  Focus.  Slow and even,
breathe with me."

     And in his eyes I can find myself.  It doesn't hurt so much when I let
myself fall into him.  Nothing before matters so long as he's with me.
Nothing.  But still...  That's it, isn't it?  It's the; but still.  The
past is here.  It makes us who we are.  Maybe that isn't right.  It shows
us who we are.  Yeah, that's it.  We can't forget the things we've done
because these are the things that have shown us what we are capable of.
They are the things we've made our futures from.  So now, I need to know.

     Reluctant to lose one second in his eyes, I force myself to look at
Jenna.  It was my choice to go to Mandy and I want, no...I need to know
why.  I need to remember.

     Her eyes are filled with sorrow and understanding.

     "Why?  I know it had something to do with the dreams, but I don't
remember them all.  Did I hurt her?  Is that why she cried?"

     Slowly shaking her head, still looking at me with grief in her eyes,
she runs the fingertips of one hand along my cheek and jaw.

     "It wasn't only you that made the choice.  She knew the loss she would
endure.  She also knew the pain he would suffer."

     She's up and backed away so suddenly, I can feel an icy emptiness
where her hand had just been.  Her eyes are turned heavenward and her
clothes are at her feet.  Silk covers her, seems to flow from her skin.
It's a part of her skin.  All this time, when she was dancing in my dreams,
I'd thought it was a dress.  It's her.  She spins with her head bent back,
face to the night sky, and her hair flowing down behind her.  It's the
dance I've seen so many times over the last few months.  And as in the
dreams, her feet lift from the deck.  They come then, the others she'd
spoken of.  They come and the silk of their bodies entwines, binding them
together, and I can hear a gentle sigh in the breeze.  I've never seen
anything so beautiful as this dance.  But at the same time, I see something
else.

     Mandy, alone.  Her belly swollen with child, walking along a beach.  I
don't recognize it, though I know it is a real place.  Now the child is
born and she still walks alone as he runs along the edge of the surf.  She
stops and turns her face to the sky.  She sinks down to the sand, watching
the boy as he plays in the water.  He runs up to her and drops into her
lap.  Together, they watch the sunset, but she's still alone.

     Jenna is at my face once again.  Gentle brushing of her fingers,
caressing my cheek.

     "She will never again feel the warmth of love that comes from joining
a soul.  She became a mere vessel to bear the chosen child.  This was her
choice."

     "But why can't she join with another?  Why does she have to be alone?"

     Jenna moves her hand away from my face and looks up, pointing into the
night sky.

     "Her love is there, taken before his time.  Mandy was one of the few
whole souls born to this world.  Her mate was another.  Together, they were
meant to birth the child of temperance.  Together, they would have given
enough of their souls to make him strong, yet still remain whole
themselves."

     "So, when her mate was taken, you needed me because I was more than
half?"

     "It was more than that.  Wasn't it, Jenna?  You needed us.  Both of
us.  That's why I felt everything, even though I wasn't there."

     I hate that.  I never would have done it if I had known he was going
to feel it too.  It just isn't right.  None of it.

     "I don't agree with what they did to you.  I understand, but I don't
believe in manipulating man to bend in this way.  Now, instead of the child
being protected in strength, surrounded by love, he is vulnerable, and
three have suffered."

     "But I'm right.  They needed both of us."

     Jenna nods, grief still born in her eyes.

     "To give him the strength needed, two whole souls were needed.
Separate, you were more than half.  Together, more than whole.  But Sean
was the one that could give both.  There is no other in the world like him.
No other could give his mate with himself."

     "Shit."

     I bury my face into Josh's chest.

     "Shit.  Shit.  Shit."

     Now the tears come.  I drug him with me.  I didn't even talk to him
about it, didn't give him a choice.  Be the martyr, do the right thing,
make it okay for Mandy.  Just drag Josh along for the ride.  What a joke.
No one like me in the whole world...I bet.  How many others would take
their lovers and give them away?

     "Stop it, Sean.  You didn't know."

     "Doesn't make it right."

     "True, but then, leaving me in the first place wasn't right.  What's
done is done.  Now, let's see if we can take the next steps together.  No
more going out on your own, okay?"

     I still feel like shit but I nod anyway.  I'll never leave him again.
I know that without a doubt.

     "Okay.  So what now?" Josh asks.  "You said you weren't here to bind
our souls, so why are you here?"

     "Mandy has gone into hiding.  I am here to help you find your son."

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