Date: Wed, 21 Jan 2009 17:19:14 +1300
From: Kiwi Shadow <kiwishadow123@gmail.com>
Subject: The Ascended - Chapter One - Part 2

Okay folks! Here is the second part of chapter one in the ascended series!
I really hope you enjoy my first attempt at writing a sci-fi/erotic series!
I know I enjoyed writing it!

==================================================

Chapter One - Ascension

Part Two

That's what I've forgotten, something about AIDEN!  I just can't
remember... I'll just have to hope my last moments alive will eventually
return to me because I just KNOW it's something important.

The detention didn't remain on my past self's mind for long as we both
noticed that there was a new student standing at the front of the class.
He was absolutely gorgeous! Of course, I knew who he was, but the
consciousness of my past self was practically drooling. The other me didn't
know what it was... but he needed him... I needed him. Even now, after
having felt it once, it still doesn't make it any easier to understand this
feeling; maybe it was love or maybe just teenage lust and infatuation. It
was truly mesmerizing to repeat the moment again and to experience my past
consciousness meeting our boyfriend for the first time again. His short
blond hair constantly fell into his eyes, those bright blue eyes. It seemed
so easy to just sit back and lose myself in them forever. It felt like he
could see right into my soul whenever I caught his gaze. It wasn't
intimidating; it was like a sensual connection. I loved it. He also had the
most adorably bashful grin that just melted my heart. All my past self was
thinking was, "HE BETTER BE GAY!"

Good thing he didn't have to stand too close to our English teacher though,
because good old dragon breath could knock you out in one foul swoop with
that breath of his. The pack of cigarettes Mr. Smart went through most days
probably didn't help. The health classes he taught were a bit of a joke
when he would go on about how they are 'coffin nails', 'cancer sticks' and
a variety of other clever names he'd supposedly come up with on the
spot. In reality, he had spent the last 10 minutes trying to think them up
to impress a bunch of teenagers. He was your average, balding, middle-aged
man in his late 40's, who wore a white turtleneck with grey old-man
trousers that screamed out for a permanent vacation in the nearest rubbish
bin. I tell you this so you can understand the contrast between how
beautiful this boy was in comparison to our teacher.  It was like looking
at Beauty and the Beast. My past self was almost insulted that he had to
stand next to him and I WAS insulted that he had to stand next to
him. There really was no 'almost' about it.

"...be sure to help Aiden out, as you all know how hard it is to start at a
new school... alright, go take a seat Aiden." So his name's Aiden.  Even
his name is sexy! Wait, was that my thought or my past self's? It's really
getting hard to tell anymore. "Oh... AIDEN! AIDEN!"  ...Right and now he's
fantasizing about moaning the new guy's name. I, or rather WE, can be such
weirdo's sometimes. I could feel the other consciousness hoping and praying
that he comes and sits next to us. It's weird really, because I knew that
he would, and I still had to sit back and feel anxious over what would
inevitably be the result my past self wanted. Aiden walked towards the
empty seat next to me and sat down while giving me that million dollar
smile of his that made us both want him.  For once, my past self and I had
mutual feelings. Believe me; I didn't think either of us could POSSIBLY
want him any more at this point.  My past self was still kind of skeptical
because I wasn't a huge believer in love at first sight, but here, today,
this is what changed my mind. As the lesson continued, I couldn't stop
looking at him. Whenever I tried to look away I could only stay looking at
the front for about a minute before I was back to looking at that stunning
face of his. My other half was obviously doing it on autopilot, but I doubt
even he has much control over it. Aiden kept looking back at us from the
front as well; he kept catching us in the act. This lasted for about half
the lesson and we got away with it until finally my teacher noticed and
tried to catch us out.

"Ian, what relationships do you think highlight the theme of appearances
versus reality in Much Ado About Nothing?" he asked with a smirk, knowing
he had caught me completely off guard. I know teachers say they don't get a
kick out of this sort of thing, BUT SERIOUSLY, he MUST get some kind of a
thrill out of tormenting us.  Why else would he do it?

"Umm..." My past self stuttered with a combination of embarrassment over
being caught off guard, as well as the fear of looking stupid in front of
Aiden. "...err...well I guess one relationship would be the one between
Claudio and Hero, which highlights the theme because they are infatuated
with each other and it's just based on appearance. It contrasts with
Beatrice and Benedick's relationship because they love everything about
each other, apposed to a relationship born of infatuation." It was so
strange to be talking about something, to stutter or to be afraid and
having no control whatsoever. The past me was pretty pleased with himself,
but what did he expect? English is his best class. At the time, after
saying it, my past self couldn't help but think the topic was kind of
relevant to how he felt about Aiden. He wondered if he was infatuated with
him... or if he loved him for who he is. I still agree with what I was
thinking back then; perfection is the only word that truly does him
justice, the only way to describe his true majestic beauty. Aiden's slim
but muscular form wasn't intimidating, but alluring to all my senses. He
possessed supreme and dominant masculinity, complimented with a full golden
tan that radiated and emphasized his outward perfection. GAH! I have to
stop my past self's thoughts from overriding my own. It can't be safe to
immerse myself too far into my past consciousness. That's when the
fluttering butterfly like sensation in my stomach started; it was driving
me absolutely crazy! Who would have thought these feelings could get even
more intense?!? My past self's mind was just FLYING with so many different
thoughts and hopes of Aiden and him being MEANT for one another.

"A nice answer," he said finally, "not perfect, but good enough."
Right...you couldn't just say I had answered the question perfectly, could
you? I suppose in many ways I'm a bit biased because I've never liked
teachers, especially this one. In that respect, what student does like his
teachers? I'm NEVER going to forgive a certain other teacher after what was
done to me.  I was just a kid. How could any adult that cares about
children want to harm them or spoil their personal wellbeing in any manner?
It had added so much weight to my shoulders, so much emotional baggage that
seems to cloud my head even further, until I can't think of anything but
the bad times. It's like you don't want to remember what's bad. You want to
forget all the heartache but it returns again and again. A small emotional
dagger stabbing you all over until you're so emotionally worn out, you
don't want to feel anything anymore, you start to panic and your breathing
starts to increase, but the oxygen just doesn't seem to want to reach your
lungs. Your own emotional struggle and panic suffocates you until your
begging for release; you want to cry. Maybe someday I'll come to terms with
all of my demons, but not today. Today I have to try and move on.

Anyway, as the day slowly progressed like any Monday, my past self found
that Aiden was in a lot of my classes! Our heart practically skipped a beat
every time we saw Aiden enter one of the same classes. It took a while, but
eventually my past self got the courage to ask him to come to lunch.  In
many ways it was annoying to have to wait for something I knew that was
inevitably going to happen. On the other hand, it was wonderful just to
immerse myself in this feeling, it was true and utter bliss. The event I'd
been waiting for finally happened and my past self got his chance as we
both left the class at around the same time. "Umm... e-e-excuse... m-me,"
we stuttered while my past self's timid nature kept us from getting the
message across. "I was... err... w-wondering if you want to come to lunch
with me?"

He turned around and his eyes shone with an understanding look, "You're
Ian, right? That would be cool man... I really don't know anyone yet and
the whole 'new school' thing is kind of freaking me out." It was at this
point that I no longer could tell the difference between my past self and
me. His feelings and thoughts became my own and I just sat back and
watched. OH MY GOSH! His voice... it's SOO cute! It was funny watching my
past self struggle to place the accent, it was on the tip of his tongue,
but he just couldn't remember... GAH!  He's giving us a hard on just
listening to him! Then again, he always had that effect on me. My past self
silently adjusted us so that he wouldn't notice and we began to walk
towards the cafeteria as he told us a bit about himself. My past self
barely managed one word replies to start with... he was
just... so... intoxicating to all senses. Back when this all happened I was
usually shy, which is a bit of a problem.  It's why I had hardly any
friends.  But somehow, Aiden slowly managing to coax me out of my
protective shell. That's part of his appeal; he was so easy for me to talk
with and to be with.

Hearing everything that Aiden has told me about himself was repetitive but
it was still so nice to be with him and hear his voice again. I listened as
he told my past self about how he's from Australia and how they moved
because his parents got a divorce so it was only him and his mum that moved
over. He was still upset about it, but I knew better than anyone that he
would get over it eventually, at least to a certain degree. My past self
tried his best not to pry, but we still managed to have a fulfilling
discussion on both sides by the time the end of lunch came around. I was
reminded of how much we really had in common. We liked the same movies; we
played the same video games and listened to the same music. His favorite
movie of all time is V for Vendetta, just like mine! As everything began to
fade from around me, my consciousness detached and I watched from afar as
my past self and Aiden walked away.  As the nothingness enveloped me again,
the feeling of multitudes of time passing flowed through me, until finally
my time in limbo was again at an end. I appeared once more in the same
small, dark room that was being filled with light by a figure in front
me. I'm still not sure whether it really qualified as a room because the
walls and floor felt like an illusion, like we were imprisoned within an
invisible barrier within the darkness. The barrier felt so thin, it was
like the darkness was only just being held at bay and I knew that this room
wasn't a permanent fixture in time and space. I'll just have to hope I'll
be safe while my mysterious guide is still present.

"I have to say, I'm pretty impressed with your first attempt at memory
immersion. The fact that you returned means you understand this first
memory. You understand how much you have grown and matured since you were
stuttering in front of the new pretty boy in school. There were times when
you lacked control, but I can tell you learned from your first
experience. However, do not think that you are perfect Ian. You still have
so much to learn.  You need to face your pain and your demons. Most
importantly, you need to learn from them. Remember this well, perfection is
often sought, but the truly wise understand that the imperfections around
us make life what it is." After saying this, the figure stood silent,
almost daring me to ask a question, almost like he KNEW I wanted to.

"Okay... I think I understand... at least kind of... but who are you
exactly? I mean, before we did that whole memory thing, you spouted off a
whole bunch of crap about what I'm doing here and I won't even PRETEND to
understand any of it but can I at least know who you are because..."
"...because you feel like you know me. You can't quite put your finger on
it but you are SURE of it, it's like looking at yourself in the mirror
isn't it?"  "Yeah, it's beginning to creep me out, I can't even see any
trace of you beneath your hood, it's like... it's like you're not even
there. It's also not helping me when you start finishing my sentences!" I
said as I began to shiver slightly. This person, or rather, this presence,
didn't feel human. It didn't even feel like there was anyone there, it's
like fighting with your consciousness.

"I guess I need to explain another concept to you. As you know, enlightened
beings have the POTENTIAL to live for all eternity in the vast recesses of
space. These beings are an advanced form in a future human evolution that
harnesses all the potential of the human organism. What I didn't tell you
is that, although the potential is there, no one lives forever, not even as
an enlightened being. During the ongoing battle to secure the universe,
there are sacrifices. You see, the true genius of this 'new plan' that this
once TRULY divine being came up with is that human's would never TRULY
die. Once your enlightened body becomes unlivable, you are sent down back
to earth as an infant, with none of your previous memories or
experiences. They are, however, locked away as part of the collective
enlightened consciousness as a form of a celestial being that one day can
become part of the new incarnation in the chain. You are the LATEST link in
that chain. I am simply a memory, a response that tells you what you need
to know so that soon we can become one again."

"What?  So you're me... so then the reason you said I was going to be
powerful was because you personally knew..." I said, a little shocked at
this unexpected outcome. "Why do you have to wear that robe and hood, can't
you show yourself to me? After all, I am you."  "If I remove this cloak,
your memories and essence will be forever lost to the collective, your
existence will fade into the void, destroying all the information and
memories we have accumulated. Your role in what is to come is essential.
Everything has been building up to this moment in time."

"Can't you tell me ANYTHING about my past lives? How powerful am I? Why am
I so special? Why do I matter...?" I mean come on, this gets more and more
farfetched as we go on! He's acting like I'm some kind of Messiah.  Next
thing he's going to tell me is that "I'm going to restore balance to the
force." I feel like I've walked into a new Star Wars movie. What a joke! I
was sent here because people hated who I was; they didn't want me on earth,
so they sure as hell aren't going to want a fag to be anyone important here
either! That's when he started laughing hysterically. It was like he could
read my mind. It was so unnerving and it sent a shiver down my spine.

"I understand your skepticism, but instead of restoring balance, someone of
unimaginable good needs to put an end to all that's nasty and wrong in the
universe. I specifically won't use the word 'evil' because evil is
relative. On the topic of your past lives... that information will be
available to you when you are ready for it and not before. That's how
everything works here." He stopped for a minute to think about what he
would say next before continuing. Maybe he was reading my mind again, I
don't know. "Oh and yes, I can read your mind because I'm you. I can tell
that you're feeling anxious. I can tell that you're trying to dig up recent
memories but you just can't remember and I can also tell that you're
worrying about your sexuality STILL even in death. The mere idea that you
still care what people think is ludicrous but you have to learn that.
Don't let the human-bred hatred for homosexuality get you down. No
enlightened being will judge your choices, especially not yours. What you
need to do now, however, is to choose three memories throughout your
life. I chose the first one for you so you need to choose two more. May I
suggest?  One of great happiness and one of great sadness. The huge
difference in opposite emotions triggers several unexplored regions in your
new brain, which will truly set your transformation in motion. I warn you
now, emotions are the key to an enlightened ones power. If you let them
control you now or in the future, they will corrupt and destroy you."

Silence encircled us and I took the time to think about my two strongest
memories in the two directions he suggested, happiest and saddest. The
saddest moment in my life is when I watched my best friend die. It's one of
the many reasons I have so few friends, I can't stand to lose anyone
else. The thought of losing someone else is just plain agony. It's better
to never care about someone than to have someone and then lose him. I would
rather die a hundred deaths than let those around me suffer. Most people
don't understand that it's easy to give your life for an idea you believe
in, but to be left behind is the hardest part. Left all alone to feel the
pain of being without the one you care so deeply about. That one moment in
time... it was entirely my fault... I should have done more...

"This is what I'm talking about! You have to try and control yourself.
Otherwise, you may get trapped in your next memory forever! Concentrate and
keep an open mind, deal with your grief but do not let your emotions cloud
your judgment and understanding of the situation," he said with a sense of
urgency that alerted me to how serious the situation was becoming. How
could I possibly be as important as he thinks I am?  I'm just Ian, for
God's sake. I'm nothing special. All my life bad things have happened to me
and those around me. I've barely had any friends and I'm not particularly
clever. I guess I am kind of emotional sometimes; maybe that's why I have
'great potential'.

"Do you understand? Are you ready to venture on to your next memory? This
memory is going to be a lot harder for you to deal with than the previous
one, believe me, you need to let go and let the emotion flow out."

I think some of this information was beginning to set in and I began to
understand that I was dead and this was the only way for me to move on.
"Alright, I'm ready.  What do I do?" I asked, a little surprised that it
didn't simply happen like last time and a little apprehensive about
visiting the moment again; I wanted to see my best friend again but... not
like this, not like THIS!

"Firstly, CALM DOWN, then you need to concentrate deeply on your memory of
the event and immerse yourself in it until you start to feel the shadows
take you again. I can't do it like last time because this memory is far
more volatile, and I can't risk our memories getting damaged because your
subconscious is trying to protect you," he said firmly, again insisting
that I be careful. Whatever was coming, I got the impression it was going
to be far more challenging than the previous memory. So I sat down on the
ground, which as I said, was more of a barrier than any kind of manmade
surface. I folded my legs and tried my best to calm down to start with,
taking deep breaths to try and sustain the calm that was slowly coming over
me. This is when I started to delve deeply into the memory of that fateful
day. I tried to picture clearly what occurred and tried to imagine I was
back at school where so much heartache and sorrow still loomed. I know I
will never be able to totally let go of it all.

I slowly felt the darkness surround me again.  It was as unnerving as last
time, but I wasn't afraid because I knew I could get through it. I just had
to hope that it wouldn't consume me. Another incalculable amount of time
passed as my consciousness left me and I was consumed by the ever-growing
darkness. The figure, who I now knew as a past incarnation, disappeared
from before me, along with the light that accompanied him. The sight of it,
it was so symbolic, he was leaving me to deal with my demons... leaving
me... all alone, to feel my pain and agony. Leaving me... in total
isolation... screaming in the dark...

==================================================
I'm sorry to leave it there but I promise there will be a new chapter
coming along ASAP! If you would like to give me some feedback or would just
like to talk about life in general, feel free to email me at
kiwishadow123@gmail.com.

Alternatively pop in and say hello in my irc channel #kiwi on
irc.chatuniverse.net. All are welcome and you are welcome to email me for
instructions. :) Have a nice day!

Also! A special thanks to my editor who is patient enough to edit all of my
mistakes which believe me, is a huge job! Thanks again!

Copyright KiwiShadow 2009