Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2009 20:42:54 +1300
From: Kiwi Shadow <kiwishadow123@gmail.com>
Subject: The Ascended - Chapter One - Part 3

Okay folks! Here is the third part of chapter one in the ascended series! I
really hope you enjoy my first attempt at writing a sci-fi/erotic series! I
know I enjoyed writing it!

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Chapter One - Ascension

Part 3

This makes no sense! I shouldn't be conscious in any way as I move through
space, time or whatever else I'm moving through. Maybe I just need to
concentrate harder, maybe I need to try and control my emotions and stop
them from spiking out of control. That's what my previous incarnation had
told me to do, after all. I concentrated on the memory as hard as I could,
remembering every detail as clearly as possible, the smell, the sounds and
the touch, everything that had been around me. That's when it happened, I
finally returned to the proper state of unconsciousness and the same
feeling washed over me as I felt like a vast amount of time seemed to
pass. In many ways I can't say that it was a vast amount of time, it felt
like it was vast, but in reality it could have been a few seconds and I
wouldn't have know the difference.

After a while, I finally began to regain consciousness and instead of just
appearing inside the body like last time, I found myself floating above a
beautiful planet that was obviously very familiar, it was earth.  I just
hovered for a time, marveling at the gift I had been given.  Very few get
to see the world from where I'm gazing.  It truly is inspiring. Why had my
past incarnation and my guide to enlightenment left me to suffer through
this process alone? He had shown me once, but his instructions for my
attempt at the same process had been so vague, so difficult to
understand. As if in response to my question, the same voice finally
replied in the back of my mind. "Discovering how to use your memory
immersion is an essential part of becoming an enlightened being. It's far
more influential to your development if you do it alone.  Besides, you
managed it fine."  Fine?!? That's what he calls FINE? I'm floating around
my home planet; yeah I'm going great so far. I never want to have to do
that alone again.

I understand why one's mind would want to lose consciousness traveling
through the infinite void. It's mind altering and there's no doubt in my
mind that anyone with high exposure for long periods of time would be
driven insane. I really have to start to ask myself whether I AM in fact
going insane, I mean I'm freely orbiting the planet like some kind of
obscure satellite. I giggled to myself at what this must look like to
anyone who happened to see a person flying in front of their
satellite. Hey! Maybe I'll get my picture taken by the Hubble Space
Telescope. What was really strange is that I was able to breath, giggle and
somehow survive in the cold vacuum of space. I mean, shouldn't I be
freezing to death at the very least? Not that I was complaining or anything
because hey, I like living... or living as an enlightened being or
somewhere between the two... WHATEVER I am.

Now that I had escaped the void, I began to wonder if it had been the
lesser of two evils. I just HAVE to try and move on, I need to get into my
past self's body so that I can continue on the process, to finish this
journey so I can finally become a fully fledged enlightened being! I mean,
I don't know much about being an enlightened being, but it HAS to be better
than being stuck in a small space with a past reincarnation of myself and
that would be the BEST CASE SCENARIO! I could end up stuck repeating one of
my memories for all eternity... What if... what if I was stuck repeating my
best friend's death again and again? The pain never-ending, stuck in a
constant loop for all eternity. Doesn't that just bring a whole new meaning
to the infinite-loop concept? I couldn't take it anymore; the worrying was
driving me crazy! So I concentrated with all of my might on that memory, I
truly immersed myself in it. I can clearly hear, feel, see and taste every
feeling in the memory. It's becoming clearer and clearer as I try and make
sense of the process. Maybe this is what he meant! This wasn't like back in
that small room made of barrier shielding. It was so much stronger, it's
like... it's like I'm experiencing the memory again... the feeling is so
surreal to me.

As if my subconscious mind was homing in on the location of the memory, I
hovered around until I was roughly over my home town. Not that it was
really easy to tell as I slowly orbited at some unimaginably high orbit
around earth. I mean COME ON, the idea is ridiculous enough, but what you
have to remember is I wasn't wearing any kind of breathing apparatus or
space suit, I should be dead! I just want to get on with this horrible
memory so that I can try to get past it. So I can move onto better and
greater things as one of these 'enlightened beings'. That's when I stopped
moving around the planet and accelerated towards earth at speed. What was I
doing?!? This CAN'T be safe!! That's when the words of my past incarnation
flickered through my mind...

I warn you now; emotions are the key to an enlightened ones power.

Wait! So because I want to get this over and done with I'm going in fast,
too fast! I need to get control of my feelings and my thoughts! Seriously,
this is insane, but it seems that my need to get this over and done with is
further accelerating me through space. I have no idea what happens if I
pass out or if I hit the ground at this speed! It can't be safe! I
concentrated as hard as I could on going in at a slow pace but it seemed to
all be in vain! My speed slowly increased as I began to enter the
atmosphere, a positive was that I wasn't catching on fire; I guess the
conventional rules of re-entry and gravity just don't apply!

I continued to plummet towards earth at an unbelievably high rate of speed
and I'd like to say that there was some form of inertial dampener that was
preventing me from passing out, but I was starting to feel light-headed. I
can honestly understand why astronauts need to be trained for this stuff! I
was losing control of my thoughts more and more as the inevitable panic set
in. CONCENTRATE, TAKE CONTROL, I screamed to myself. The futility of my
actions was obvious to me as I passed through the clouds and the school
came in sight. I was less than 1000 feet up and that's when I felt it. It
was like an emotional tug in the back of my head, a need to survive. Maybe
it was a new part of me, as an enlightened one, that was being used for the
first time, or maybe it was an instinct. Whatever it was, it filled me up
and I screamed "STOP!!!" at the top of my lungs.  The combination of the
thought and the words empowering and enforcing that thought caused a huge
deceleration and a huge *WOOSH* as I slowly hovered the last couple of feet
to the ground.

As I hit the ground I noticed I was back inside my past self's body
again. It's hard to explain, but in many ways, it felt good for someone
else to be in control again. I felt so emotionally and physically drained
after just GETTING here. It wasn't like I got to sit back in my past self's
body and do nothing. It felt like I was in my body but there was a puppet
master behind a curtain somewhere, pulling the strings. No one can fathom
how tiring it was to HAVE to walk towards class, I didn't get a break, I
HAD to keep going even if I WANTED to stop I couldn't. It was so
infuriating to not have any control over what was happening. To make things
worse, the feelings that I knew would devour me were approaching quickly,
feelings that were the result of an event that changed my life in so many
ways.

My past self walked us both into math class and took a seat near the back
of the class. I had to go through this last time as well, suffering through
lessons that I've already learned. Why can't I just get out of this class
and move on to what I know is inevitably going to happen? Deep down I guess
I didn't want to move on, it scared me to realize it, but what's to come is
pain. Maybe this is pain that I'm just not ready to deal with. I HAVE TO
DEAL WITH IT! I HAVE TO MOVE ON! That's when the same feeling in the back
of my mind kicked in, the same section of my mind that had allowed me to
slow down when I was falling to earth. This time, instead of decelerating,
I started to move faster, but it was different, so different. TIME ITSELF
was moving at an unimaginably fast speed. It got faster and faster until
finally, everything was moving at such speed that the memory turned into
flashes of events during that fateful day. After a while, everything
stopped and time decelerated back to its normal pace.

It was disorientating at first, it's like when you go on a ride at a fun
park and you get off, it feels weird to be walking on your own two feet
again. There I was, walking away from the classrooms and buildings onto the
back field with my best friend in the entire world; everything was okay as
long as I had him. I suppose I should stop referring to him as my 'best
friend', his name was Pete and he meant the world to me. I wasn't attracted
to him in any way, he was like a brother and a best friend mixed into
one. Don't get me wrong, he was cute, with his curly brown hair, those
radiant hazel eyes and that dazed expression on his face with just a hint
of a grin. Whenever I looked at him, I couldn't help but smile.  Up until
recently, it has just been me and Pete against the world! As I've said
before, I haven't had many friends because, for some reason, I just didn't
get on with people, don't ask me why.  Maybe it's the whole gay
thing. Maybe I just can't stand the thought of lying to someone else. Deep
down in my subconscious, I mightn't want friends altogether.  Who knows?
All that mattered was I had Pete! However, this other kid had recently
started hanging out with me and Pete. I really didn't want to have to
share, but I felt bad for the guy. His friends had deserted him after a
fight; I still don't know what it was about. Well *I* knew but my past self
was still in the dark. It was nice to just immerse myself in my past self's
thoughts and feelings for a while. Pete was always the nicest guy though,
and one day a while back, he noticed and wanted to help this kid out. The
memory was still clear in my mind.

"Ian! Look at him man... he's sitting out there... eating all alone... it's
just not right man, we have to at least ask him if he wants to hang out
with us! I mean come on, didn't you say that he used to hang out with you
as a kid?  What was his name again?"

"Umm yeah he did, his name's Jared, we got on great as kids." I said
hesitantly because Pete didn't need ANOTHER excuse to try and befriend
him. It's not like he's a lost puppy or something, he can look after
himself! That didn't stop Pete though; he walked over and introduced
himself.

After a short chat, he simply said "Hey! I have an idea, why don't you come
hangout with us man?" and that's all it took for Jared to become a
permanent fixture in our group.

Now how weird is that?  Was I just trying to immerse myself into another
memory WHILE I'm in a memory already? Well that's just confusing! Anyway,
my past self slowly moved us both further out onto the field with Pete at
our side. Unlike my first stab at memory immersion, this attempt was so
different; it's hard to explain. This time round it was two years ago, my
past self was still an immature 14 year old who although was going through
tough times, he still was just a kid in my eyes, a kid who was going to
suffer so much more. It's amazing how quickly someone can age when they go
through hell. I suppose it's the same reason that people describe young men
returning from the war as old, decrepit and tired. My immature past self,
as well as the unbelievably dangerous descent to earth, had made this
memory immersion process seem more dangerous and unpredictable. I mean
seriously! I don't want a younger version of me at the controls, thinking,
feeling and moving around my body in a careless fashion! I guess I just
have to trust that everything will play out how it did in my memory.  But
do I even want it to play out the same? Maybe my memory changing would be a
good thing.

"Hey guys, wait up!" squeaked a pintsized version of the future Jared that
we all know and hate. Okay maybe not hate, that's a bit harsh and that's so
unlike me. I don't hate anyone... I just... dislike him! Yeah, I STRONGLY
dislike Jared, that's a better way of putting it. I mean SERIOUSLY, think
about it, how many people on a daily basis are callus and reckless with the
English language? Using words like hate with the flick of your tongue with
no further thought on the subject is becoming a more common practice. Text
language isn't going to be the death of our language, a lack of
understanding and meaning behind the words we use will mutilate it and
destroy it far quicker.

"Alright, alright" my past self said lazily on autopilot and I came to an
involuntary stop. Pete came to a halt beside me as we let Jared catch
up. Jared stumbled briefly before sprinting to catch up. Jared himself was
one of those adorable kids you just couldn't ignore; he still had his baby
fat, which gave him those cute chubby cheeks that little kids have. His
wavy dirty blond hair was way too long.  It looked cute on some guys, but
not Jared. This, in combination with a single stud in his ear, gave him the
look of a 'brooding bad boy,' or at least he was TRYING to be a brooding
bad boy. I mean seriously, he still looked like a kid; he even had those
rosy red checks that would blush at even a hint of embarrassment, with a
heavy sprinkle of freckles for good measure. So anyway, that's how the
three of us got to the point where we were walking to the back of the
field.  We all sat down and had lunch.  We talked, made jokes and just had
fun. No adult can help but think, 'Isn't it great to be a kid?' Well
today... today it was NOT great to be a kid, especially one who had to
endure what we were about to.

When lunch was almost over, I noticed a group of guys slowly making their
way over towards us. I wasn't concerned; they were allowed to go wherever
they wanted.  It's a free country, right? At least that's what my past self
was thinking.  I knew better. I knew what their arrival signified. Now this
group of guys slowly moved closer and closer until my past self cottoned
on, he realized who they were, Jared's old group of friends whose
mysterious fallout had caused my current predicament. The leader of this
group, who was striding out in front with a look on his face that would
have melted concrete itself, was Brandon.  Now that kid has issues. You
know those psycho kids that you think "Christ, man, what have you been
smoking?!?"  Well, with Brandon, it's not a joke, you never do know what
that kid's been doing, he's probably tried everything under the sun.

Brandon's older brother Fraser was rumored to be a local drug dealer, and
by that, I mean that if you wanted drugs, Brandon could get whatever it was
for you. Apparently, his brother had gone and done chemistry and a bunch of
other courses at university and decided to make drugs for a living. What
scum sucking, low life, piece of trash actually goes to university with the
sole goal of becoming a drug dealer? Who actually SETS OUT to ruin people's
lives? Anyway, my past self might have been 'unsure' about the legitimacy
of these rumors, but I knew better. I knew that Brandon WAS a drug
dealer. In fact, he got busted in his meth lab a month after the events
that happened next.

My past self looked over towards Jared and he was REALLY freaked out. I
mean seriously, the kid was one fright away from pissing his pants! Now
this should have been a warning sign for me and Pete to walk away and
quickly, but NO, we stuck around waiting to see what the story was. After
what felt like an eternity of waiting on my part, Brandon and his cronies
were finally upon us. He stood on his invisible pedestal and looked at the
rest of us with arrogance and contempt. Now I know what you're thinking,
how can a kid show arrogance and contempt THIS clearly? Well it was obvious
with Brandon, because he was SERIOUSLY pissed off and what my past self
couldn't see was that he was out for blood, Jared's blood.

"You thought you could get away with snitching on MY brother?" Brandon
roared in our direction.  He was FURIOUS; I mean seriously, the guy was
practically foaming at the mouth. If he wasn't standing up, one could have
seriously mistaken his symptoms for a seizure. All he needed to do was
start wiggling around frantically and he'd make a believer out of me. "What
the hell, man! I let you hang out with me and my bro. I let you use my
drugs.  I let you become one of the gang and THIS is how you repay me? WHO
THE HELL NARKS, MAN? Just because your parents find some weed on you, it
doesn't mean you tell them everything and let them go straight to the
cops. You used to be cool man..."

Those last six words echoed in my mind again and again and again..."You
used to be cool man...you used to be cool man...to be cool...cool." Why do
those words sound so familiar to me? I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER!  It's
important! I know it is! They didn't register with my past self at all,
that's how I knew. They MUST have something to do with my death... I still
can't remember the last 24 hours or so before my death, or my death
itself. It still seems strange to be saying death... but yeah, WHAT IS IT?

That's when that same familiar voice echoed in the back of my mind once
more. "Don't concern yourself with recent events until you can grasp the
events which have occurred earlier in your life." HOW DARE HE TRY AND TALK
TO ME NOW? After all the strife I've been through to get here, NOW he tries
to give ME advice.  God, he has a nerve. I suppose technically I have a
nerve because he IS me, after all, but hey, let's not confuse matters
anymore than we have to, right? Anyway, the voice disappeared again as
quickly as it had come and I was back in the same horrible situation. What
you have to understand is that this confusion and associated thought
patterns passed in a few seconds, which further aggravated and added to my
impending anxiety.

The event that I had been waiting to process was approaching and I didn't
want it to. I didn't want to feel it all over again, I wanted to go hide at
home in my room and my blankets and never look back. That's when it
happened; there was a flash and time itself in the memory seemed to
flicker. What the effect of the flash was, I don't know, but then I
suddenly understood as soon as Brandon opened his mouth again. "You thought
you could get away with snitching on MY brother? What the hell, man! I let
you hang out with me and my bro. I let you use my drugs. I let you become
one of the gang and THIS is how you repay me? WHO THE HELL NARKS, MAN? Just
because your parents find some weed on you, it doesn't mean you tell them
everything and let them go straight to the cops. You used to be cool
man..."

Wait, didn't he just finish saying that exact same thing? Did I reverse
time in the memory because of my obvious and conscious need to keep away
from the memory because of the pain that accompanies it? That HAD to be
it... he did say that emotions and feelings were the key to one of these
'enlightened ones' powers. I think I'm beginning to understand why it's so
important to gain some level of control. If one of these beings has a huge
amount of power and energy, and he lets his bias and discrimination get the
better of him, it could be genocide and the removal of an ENTIRE species of
being in an instant. The thought alone is scary, maybe my need for
knowledge allowed me to delve into the unconscious knowledge of the
enlightened ones, all I know is what I was telling myself made a lot of
sense and I KNEW deep down that I was on the right track.

A wise proverb I came across once said, "A gem cannot be polished without
friction, nor man perfected without trials." Whatever pain is inside of me,
I have to work though it, I have to face it, embrace it and make my peace
with it because the pain and suffering within me is part of who I am. Life
is but a collection of these experiences and knowledge, knowledge and
experience that I will use to better all enlightened ones as well as others
in the universe at large.

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I'm sorry to leave it there but I promise there will be a new chapter
coming along ASAP! If you would like to give me some feedback or would just
like to talk about life in general, feel free to email me at
kiwishadow123@gmail.com. I REALLY appreciate all those who have taken the
time to reply, it makes writing this stuff worth while!

Alternatively pop in and say hello in my irc channel #kiwi on
irc.chatuniverse.net. All are welcome and you are welcome to email me for
instructions. :) Have a nice day! (It would be GREAT to see more of you
come visit me on IRC, I promise it's fun! :))

Also! A special thanks to my editor who is patient enough to edit all of my
mistakes which believe me, is a huge job! Thanks again!

Another special thanks to Comicality who inspired me to write my own
stories! If you haven't heard of him, look him up, his stories are GREAT!

Copyright KiwiShadow 2009