Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2009 00:40:47 +1300
From: Kiwi Shadow <kiwishadow123@gmail.com>
Subject: The Ascended - Chapter One - Part 4

Okay folks! Here is the fourth part of chapter one in the ascended series!
I really hope you enjoy my first attempt at writing a sci-fi/erotic series!
I know I enjoyed writing it!

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Chapter One - Ascension

Part Four

 "I...I didn't mean for them to find out...they just could smell smoke on
my clothes ...and...and...they went in my pockets and found a joint." Jared
stuttered in an obvious attempt to save his own skin. So THIS is what it
was all about, Jared had made the wrong friends, got in with the wrong
crowd and made a HUGE mistake. "My parents are total Nazi's, I couldn't do
anything about it dude, I swear! I begged and pleaded for them to just
leave it and punish me, to not go to the cops but they just kept going on
about how 'serious' it was. Your brother only got taken in for questioning
so..."

"DON'T YOU GET IT DUMBASS? They are WATCHING him now, the cops make it
personal when you give drugs to minors, what they're doing to him now is
bordering on fucking POLICE HARASSMENT! It's your fault. You fucked up my
brothers business!" Brandon yelled with an infuriating leer that no doubt
was scaring Jared something awful. That's when I knew that conversation has
ceased and the inevitable violent end of this debacle was going to happen
and now! Brandon lunged forward before we could do anything to stop him, he
was furious, I mean there's angry and then there's just borderline
insanity. What the hell was this guy on? Oh wait...drug dealers
brother...he probably WAS on SOMETHING.

Brandon grabbed Jared's collar with two hands and shoved him up against one
of the huge oak trees that we were sheltered under. I guess my past self
and Pete just thought he was going to give him a bit of a shake you know? I
mean seriously there wasn't much we could have done in the few seconds it
took to grab him anyway. That's when Brandon started hitting him, in the
stomach and in the face or anywhere else he could get a blow in. I stepped
forward about the same time Pete did, I mean COME ON this was ridiculous,
all this over a few drugs? That's when the rest of the group reacted, they
stood in the way, creating a barrier between me, Pete and the fighting. An
ominous crunch could be heard even over the attempts and advances of
Brandon's personal guard. HE BROKE THE POOR GUYS NOSE! Jared's scream
echoed off of the tree and across the field, wasn't anyone going to come
and help?

"Brandon! Stop it man, you've made your point, you're really going to hurt
him if you aren't careful." My past self spluttered in an attempt to try
and calm the guy down. I just screamed over and over inside our mind RUN,
just RUN, we had to do something about this, I couldn't just let him die,
not again. I was frozen, forced to watch the same events unfold again and
again. The inner agony was building inside me more and more, the utter
hopelessness and sadness filled me up and it became difficult to watch, but
I had no choice, I wasn't in control this time round.

Pete obviously had enough because he pushed his way through our 'guards'
and shoved Brandon off of Jared, onto the ground. Why couldn't the guards
have stopped Pete? Why couldn't they have just done the ONE THING they were
meant to? My past self was frozen in fear, he couldn't move and I think
even if I could have sustained some form of control, it would have been
useless; my inner sorrow blanketed everything within me including any
possibility of movement. The whole thing seemed to happen in slow motion
now, not that it meant I could do anything about it, I understood that now,
events were fixed, I had no way of fixing anything.

"Get the FUCK off me PETER! I'm going to teach this little bastard a lesson
and you or anyone else who tries to get in my way!" He roared with a
narcotic induced fury. Pete just stood in his way; he refused to see
someone else in pain. I just couldn't understand why my past self wouldn't
move to help him! He was our friend. WHY WON'T MY BODY MOVE?!?

"I'm not going to let you push your weight around and risk doing something
you'll live to regret, drug induced stupor or not and for the record, my
names PETE!" Pete said sternly, in an attempt to persuade Brandon to calm
down and control himself. He answered simply with a shake of his head, he
refused, this wasn't just about his brother anymore, this was about
protecting his own pride. I looked down at Jared lying in a heap at the
feet of both Pete and Brandon at the bottom of that old oak tree. He was
silent, in obvious awe over the gift Pete had given him. Pete was putting
his only safety on the line for someone he barely knew, that's Pete for
you, I wish I was as brave.

A metallic click was the next thing that sounded; I've heard it so many
times in my minds eye, again and again. It's a sound that has haunted me
for the past two years and it will probably haunt me much into the future,
the unmistakable sound of a knife being flicked out. My past self couldn't
help but think is he serious? What the hell is this guy thinking?!?!

"GET THE FUCK BACK NOW! OR I'LL SLICE AND DICE YOU UNTIL THERES NOTHING
LEFT!" Brandon roared, he was well and truly past all logical reason at
this point, Pete should have stood back, this WAS the point of no return or
whatever other analogy you wanted to use. THIS was when he should have
stood back and let the punk get pummeled for all he's done but of course,
being Pete, he didn't. My past self refused to admit it but I knew better,
I knew what was coming. Brandon lunged forward with the knife, surprisingly
in Jared's direction which suggests that stabbing Jared was his TRUE plan
all along. What Brandon wasn't expecting was for Pete to jump right in
front at the last second to try and stop this vicious act of violence and
brutality against another human being who he cared about. My past self and
I agonized in unison as we saw the whole thing play out in front of us.

Brandon struck out with his knife and a silent but deadly squelch was all
we heard as he buried the knife into Pete's stomach. My past self was
thinking that we will never forget the look of shock, horror and despair in
Pete's eyes. I knew we wouldn't and I knew I would see it again. I didn't
know where but I knew I was going to see that look again in someone else's
eyes or maybe I already had? Who knows I don't remember much about my
death. The pain and agony inside me was so great, so undeniable, I wanted
to burst out crying, I wanted to fall to my knees and never look at anyone
again. What you have to remember was my past self was in control of the
body, he chose how I got to grieve and right now he was in shock.  That's
when the shock of what he had done finally set in on Brandon's face. He and
his group of muscle ran off back across the field and Jared ran off to try
and get help. I was left alone with Pete and the deepest sadness you can
possibly imagine. It's far deeper and more crushing then the first time
when I was my past self. So this was the cursed side of being an
enlightened being. Not only were your feelings dangerous to those around
you but they had the potential to cause much more personal and emotional
pain. In combination with memory immersion, it means that I have these huge
and horrible feelings and I can't express them. It's like I have no choice
but to bottle them all up inside of me and hope they won't overrun me
completely with their blanket of darkness and despair.

My past self slowly walked us over to Pete who was now lying on the ground,
whimpering quietly in agony as a steady stream of blood escaped his
abdomen. We MUST have had some kind of link between us because looking at
him in pain just increased my pain so much.

"HANG ON PETE! You HAVE to hang on...an ambulance will be here in no time
and they'll fix you up buddy!" My past self said desperately, who was I
trying to comfort though, me or Pete? The futility of calling an ambulance
was obvious to us both but I don't think my past self was ready to admit
that, quite yet. "...Pete...I'm so sorry buddy...this is all my fault...I
should have helped you.  I was just scared. I'm such a coward and-"

"No bud! Don't think that way now okay, you are NOT a coward and I don't
blame you. You're my best friend, just make sure that if anything happens
to me, live life to the fullest and don't look back. Tell my parents I love
th-"

"It's okay! You can tell them yourself when they met you at the hospital,
you'll be fine!" My past self said desperately. I was personally frozen
with so many emotions depression, sadness and anxiety over the impending
loss. Why was this so hard? It had happened TWO YEARS ago, I thought the
pain was gone, I thought I'd moved on from it already.

"Please just tell my parents that I love them...and I love you, you're my
best friend! You were always there for me and I'm so glad you were here
with me...u-until the end." He spluttered as he started to cough up
blood. He struggled for a few moments longer against an invisible enemy
that I couldn't protect him from, that no one could protect him from.

"R-remember it's not how I died that's imp-important...Remember how I
li-lived..." and a final breath escaped his lips. That shadow behind his
eyes, that spark, it was gone and he disappeared into the void of
nothingness. The seeds of blame in my past self's mind, most of all, were
centered on himself. He blamed himself for what happened to Pete. I guess I
now am beginning to understand that Pete was going to do anything he could
to help Jared; it's just the type of person he was.

The next part of the memory seemed to go past in a blink of an eye; I think
it was a combination of shock and my mind accelerating through unimportant
parts of the memory immersion process. Well they weren't unimportant, it
was just my mind was focused on trying to deal with the massive amounts of
emotional distress. As it happened before, my previous incarnation
whispered to me in the back of my mind, it always leaves me wondering if it
was a thought of mine rather than a conscious being talking to me.

"So! It seems you're beginning to understand the way memory immersion
works. You aren't going back in time you are simply traveling back to a
memory deep within your mind. Believe it or not, everyone has a crystal
clear recollection of everything in their life stored in the subconscious
mind. The normal human mind just can't handle it. It seems you're also
beginning to understand that you can rewind, forward and move through the
memory as you wish. Lastly remember the reason you feel such despair isn't
because you're weak, enlightened beings have a higher state of emotional
perception. It's a defense mechanism to make sure we do the right thing
when we set out to fight evil in the universe." All of it makes sense; some
things are finally starting to come together in this crazy situation. I
just have to try and get on top of this emotional turmoil, this sea of
emotion was drowning me in sadness, a despair I thought I was over.

After a time I found myself standing in front of a congregation at the
local Catholic Church; the same church I was forced to attend every
week. The paramedics couldn't do anything for Pete, he was pronounced dead
right there on the back field, the internal damage was just too severe. My
past self still couldn't believe that he was gone; he was still in shock
over the loss which in a way explains why I never really got any closure
from the funeral the first time.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep..." My
past self said as he tried to read a poem he'd found online that he thought
MIGHT be good enough to celebrate Pete's memory. "I am a thousand winds
that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened
grain. I am the gentle autumn rain." He continued as tears silent tears
made their way done our cheeks leaving nothing but a silvery trail that
glistened in the sunlight streaming in through the open window.

I can't express how much of a relief it was to release some of the anxiety,
sadness and depression over what happened. So much emotion and sadness
melted away from me when those tears fell from my past self's cheeks, it
was like he was finally releasing my burden. I think that's why so many
cultures have adapted funerals to their custom. It's about grieving so that
you can get past the suffering of losing that person, it's about saying
goodbye. "When you awake in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting
rush Of quiet birds in circling flight."

It's so cruel the way he had to go, why couldn't I have died then? I mean
I'm dead now, only a couple of years later, at least my death might have
had some meaning that way. I suppose in the end I have to concentrate on
the future and try to let go. "I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do
not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die." After my
past self finished reading the poem I guess I discovered it's actually
relatively similar to what happens when you do die. The body that's left
behind is meaningless in the grand scale of things, it's overall purpose is
to furtilize daffodils or crops that could potentially feed the next
generation. It's ironic that the divine being my past incarnation spoke of
went to all this trouble to make us eco-friendly and biodegradable and what
do we do? We stick ourselves in front of a HUGE, expensive piece of stone
which in reality is wasting resources. Most people are probably content to
follow this tradition because they feel it's the proper way to honour the
memory of a loved one and to get some kind of closure. I guess what we
really should be doing is thinking about all the enlightened being who
fight everyday to secure the galaxy in this so called 'war' they they're
fighting. I mean I don't even know WHO we have to fight or why we're
fighting.

More time passed. This time round, the hymns, prayers and words that washed
over me had meaning in my heart; they softened my pain and agony. They made
the pain bearable. I don't know why, maybe that's really what funerals were
for, dealing with the pain inside or just crying until you can't cry
anymore. That's when I found myself as a pore bearer with my friends casket
on my shoulder as we took him out back to his final resting place in the
cemetery. The walk out to the back seemed to take my past self forever to
travel; it was like he was TRYING to postpone the inevitable, he just
COULDN'T let it go. I guess that's what I was like before I took on the
pain of entering memory immersion. I finally am understanding how
beneficial it is to go over this again until I stop bottling up my
feelings. Instead of letting go, instead of getting angry or depressed, I
just silently raged at the world at the unfairness of it all. Really it's
about honoring Pete's memory, he's the hero in all this, he deserves to be
remember. What makes it even easier to get through is the fact that I might
meet him as an ascended being one day because we all become one of those
right?  We stopped beside a deep hole near the back of the cemetery and
there we laid his coffin and the priest started to lead us all in
prayer. "In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life
through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our brother Peter
and we commit his body to the ground..." Well they had one part of it right
anyway, he was going to have eternal life, I guess everyone has that
prospect. No doubt I'll meet him someday as an enlightened being and
together we can do what we can to protect the universe against whatever we
have to protect it against. That's when that same patronizing voice came on
in the back of my head. This time it was a sort of sniggering, like he was
finding my thoughts humorous.

"What?" I asked as I consciously made an effort to push out with my
mind. "I'll tell you when the time is right but until then remember that
not EVERYONE can go to the same place because not everyone in the world is
equal. Not everyone in the world has the same potential for goodness. Some
beings are simply made to destroy and reek havoc on the universe, some
beings take pleasure in creating chaos and following their own agenda to
further their own existence." So it seems although our thoughts and
emotions give us the ability to bestow great kindness on our peers and
other species, I guess there are those of us who would wish to take a path
of darkness and despair.

"It shouldn't surprise you to know that human beings are the most unstable
of all other races. Every other species is either good or evil but humanity
was a divine gift to the stars. A species of true diversity that potential
to choose whether to be good or evil. Our race has so much potential, we
are truly the guardian's of the universe. It's up to us to stand in the
light, as enlightened beings of pure goodness and integrity. Remember your
favorite movie, V for Vendetta, '...integrity sells for so little but it is
all we really have, it is the very last inch of us but within that in, we
are free.' Its wisdom is clear and unsurpassable, accept it's wisdom and
move forward to better yourself. Most importantly, no matter what happens
remember that there is a GOOD and an EVIL and it's up to you to decide
which you are before it's too late." How can he say so much while still
saying so little, I need to know if my friends going to be okay, what
happens if you ARE evil? There's no hell? So is there somewhere worse? My
past incarnation decided I had obviously learned enough for now and he
stayed silent for the time being.

The wheels of time continued around me once more and the continued "
...earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The lord bless him and
keep him, the Lord make his face to shine upon him and be gracious unto
him, the Lord lift up his countenance upon him and give him peace." I just
hope wherever he is, he's happy, he deserves to be happy.

That final thought in my mind seemed to release all my agony, I'm free from
the pain, it's true and utter bliss. That's when my surroundings dissolved
and I found myself feeling the now familiar unconscious state envelopment
me in it's entirety. I became one with the darkness, a sea of memories and
emotions scattered throughout the void of nothingness, maybe that's what
happens to human's who are evil at their core. Maybe they are left as but a
memory in the nothingness, a warning to all who would attempt to follow in
their stead. I have a feeling though that the divine being would have been
kinder to those who choose a different path, only time will tell.

After a time, I found myself back in that room with the same barriers but
this time there was something different. The room was bright because of my
incarnation's aura or whatever it was. Even without it there was still a
change in color, everything was noticeably brighter; it's like the release
of that memory's agony increased my own personal sense of harmony and
equilibrium inside of every part of my being.

"Ahh... it seems you are now realizing the results of your heartache and
suffering has somewhat purified your being. Don't think for a second that
you are a fully fledged enlightened being because you aren't. I'm simply
acknowledging that you have obviously achieved something because of the
change in color around us. The void or the infinite nothingness as you
referred to it is now brightening up because of you." Wait so that means I
have to suffer MORE I mean seriously what could be worse than what I just
went through? Watching my best friend bleed out onto the grass of the
backfield of my school, somewhere I personally thought we'd be safe. It
just brings a whole new type of doubt to the top of my mind; it makes me
doubt all the people and places that I thought were safe in my life. Who
else has stabbed me in the back? Who else has committed some unexpectedly
monstrous crime against me without my knowledge?

"Stop dwelling on what you DO NOT know and dwell on what you do for a
while. Have you thought anymore on the happy memory, the opposite we were
talking about. This will give you a chance to feel the highs of being an
enlightened being because there's no point in living if all you receive is
heartache in your valiant struggle in protecting the universe." A happy
memory, well I suppose the happiest thing I can remember is when Aiden told
me he loved me... and even though the aftermath was awkward it was still
the most fantastic and wonderful moment of my life, I'll never forget it. I
miss Aiden's touch; I want him gliding back and forth against me once more,
forever in my arms.

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Okay! I hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter, sorry it's a little sad
but the good thing is we never TRUELY see the end of anyone in the ascended
universe do we? :)

Next I need to acknowledge a couple of sources. "Do not stand at my grave
and weep" is a poem which was written by Mary Elizabeth Frye and I do not
claim to have written it. The same goes with the prayer near the end which
you won't find in the bible. It's a passage from something called "The Book
of Common Prayer".

Lastly a HUGE thank you to pete who has tirelessly worked to edit my work
so far and he does the same for many others. Thanks Pete! You're a legend
:)

If you would like to give me some feedback or would just like to talk about
life in general, feel free to email me at kiwishadow123@gmail.com. I REALLY
appreciate all those who have taken the time to reply, it makes writing
this stuff worth while!

Alternatively pop in and say hello in my irc channel #kiwi on
irc.chatuniverse.net. All are welcome and you are welcome to email me for
instructions. :) Have a nice day! (It would be GREAT to see more of you
come visit me on IRC, I promise it's fun! :))

Another special thanks to Comicality who inspired me to write my own
stories! If you haven't heard of him, look him up, his stories are GREAT!

Copyright KiwiShadow 2009