Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2011 00:27:25 -0500
From: Steven <ftl33062@live.com>
Subject: The Confessional Chapter 1

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If you are under 18 years of age, or the following content
may be illegal where you reside, read no further. (Okay,
there really isn't much sex in this chapter, but it will be
coming in future installments).

The Confessional - Chapter 1

John woke with a start. His bedclothes were soaked. he'd had
the same dream again. It was just a dream, but all the same
it was wrong, it was forbidden. He'd known since he was a
boy that he was attracted to other guys, but he'd suppressed
those feelings. He'd even forced himself to marry out of
loneliness and shame. Teresa had loved him, loved him enough
to understand and offer him what comfort she could, but she
was still a woman.

In the year since her death, the dreams have been coming
more frequently. They've also become more vivid, more
graphic. and now he seemed to cum with such force it would
startle him awake. And lately the dreams are starting to
occupy so much of his waking hours too. John couldn't leave
his apartment without catching himself staring at some cute
boy, staring at his butt as the boy walked by.

John would look at other men, but more and more his fixation
was turning to boys. He remembered that through all of his
youth, he always was attracted to other boys or young men
around his own age. Then after marrying he was able through
love for his wife, to block out his carnal desires. For 30
years he'd not thought of sex with other men. 30 years.
Strangely, he really couldn't remember where those 30 years
went. He could remember fragments, could remember going
through the motions of living. but it just didn't seem as if
it was his life. HIS life.

"Argh, it's hopeless, I'm hopeless!" he cried out to no-one.


Paul awoke at first light in his cubicle at the Temple.
Softly he smiled knowing he'd bring salvation to some lost
soul this day. Never a day went by that there was no soul
needing salvation. Paul was a member of the Catholic
contingent at the Temple. It was his duty to man the
Confessional which was truly the only place left for
salvation.


John pulled his face from his hands where he'd buried it
while sobbing. He was alone, and a pervert. It was a sin
punishable by stoning to have carnal knowledge of another
man, let alone a boy. There was no hope for finding another
woman like Teresa for companionship. After taking power 10
years ago the Elders of the Temple had decreed that women
could only marry Elders of the True Faiths.

John in his desperation decided there was only one thing to
do. go to the Confessional. He understood the finality of
that decision, but what other choice did he have. Existence
without a minimal of companionship would be unbearable.
Those men younger than he that had never known what
cohabitation was maybe never missed it. Though Teresa was
not a man, at least he had not been alone, and when needing
comfort her warm skin against his was still comforting.

He dragged himself from his bed and headed to the shower.
Even walking seemed so surreal. He wondered to himself if
this is what a death row inmate felt when walking that last
mile. The warmth of the water flowing over his body seemed
more than cleansing, as if it was washing away his worries
and his ties to this earth. Strangely he felt his cock start
to harden and the words from a 20th century song entered his
mind. "This may be the last time." And he gently started to
stroke his manhood and images of his youth and the first boy
he loved entered his consciousness. Thoughts of that love
washed over him and he came with such ferocity he could
barely stand.


Paul approached the Confessional. Before he could start his
day's work he had to make sure everything was in order and
working. The Confessional was for forgiveness, not an
instrument of torture. It was for alleviating the suffering
of the transgressors, not for punishing them. First was
checking the vacuum seals, on the front and back doors as
well as the small opening into his compartment. Next it was
refilling of the supply of nitrogen gas.

The concept was simple and painless, fill the chamber with
nitrogen, a few seconds later and the confessor is
unconscious, a few minutes and their soul is free. Of course
not all sins mandated freeing the soul, but the equipment
had to be ready just in case. Paul next checked the
evacuation pumps, and finally the sensors that could detect
the faintest heartbeat.


John hesitated at the Temple door. Turning he looked back on
the city and then up to the sky. It was a beautiful day, a
few billowy clouds scattered amongst the blue. It tugged at
his heart that the world could be both beautiful and ugly at
the same time. The Creator had done his part, why couldn't
man. The beauty that God had created filled him with such
warmth; he knew that could only be love. How then could man
and specifically so-called men of God be so empty of love?

He turned back toward the Temple. No point in dawdling,
nothing would change. Grasping to his heart the warmth he
felt thinking on his Creator, he pushed forward, entering
the vestibule. Soon now he'd be with God, and perhaps he'd
be with Teresa again. He wondered if his feelings for men,
more specifically boys, would cross over with him. He prayed
silently that if that were so, then at least it would be
accepted in Heaven. But the thought hit him. if the
teachings were true, then either he'd be forgiven, he'd no
longer bear those thoughts, or he'd be condemned to Hell for
an eternity.

Hesitating a second, John pulled upon that warmth again
resolving to see this through. If he didn't he knew he'd
lose what semblance of love remained in him, and he'd
forever be lost. Looking up he peered at the sign above the
Confessional, it displayed "Now Serving Confessor 032".

John walked over to the ticket dispensing machine, and was
surprised to get number "033". At first the thought had hit
him that he'd have an agonizing wait. Now he realized he had
perhaps no time at all. As what seemed like thousands of
thoughts and images raced through his head, a gentle tone
sounded and the sign changed to "Now Serving Confessor 033".
John noticed no-one had exited the Confessional. But he also
realized he'd not heard any scuffling or screaming, just the
sounds of religious music in the distance.

Standing by himself in near shock. shock at what he's about
to do. 2 Brothers approached him and each gently placed a
hand on one of his arms. Slowly and gently they guided him
towards the now open door to the Confessional. John barely
noticed the reassurances they uttered as he came closer and
closer to what now appeared to be a chasm. His thoughts came
hurtling at him from all sides. Maybe he'd made a mistake.
maybe he'd find peace. maybe he'd find love. just maybe he'd
find salvation. He didn't want to die, but he also didn't
want to live, not without love, and not alone.

As much as John felt a compulsion to run, to escape, there
was something keeping him here. It was the warmth he'd felt
from his Creator. It was a love he felt down to his soul.
How this could be he didn't understand, but something, like
an inner voice, urged him forward. With a final surrender to
his Creator's Will, he entered the Confessional and heard
the door close with a `whoosh'.

After a few seconds passed, that seemed like milliseconds,
John heard a voice say "I am Father Paul, and I will hear
your confession". After another few seconds John replied
"Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I have impure
thoughts regarding young men. well boys. and no matter how I
try, I cannot overcome them."

After a pause John continued "Father, I've never acted on
these compulsions, even when I was young. But they have been
with me all my life and now I'm struggling so hard that I
fear I will finally act." Again after a pause, "I went so
far in my denial as to marry a woman, though I did love her
and did remain faithful. But now I can't deny that I am gay,
and my true nature is that of a man that wants desperately
to feel the love of another man. well, of a boy."

John went silent and waited for Father Paul's condemnation.
After a few more seconds, Father Paul, clearing his throat
said, "Son, in the eyes of the True Faiths this is a true
abomination, even though you never acted on it, just the
thought is unforgivable by man. It is beyond my Earthly
bounds to pass judgment for only God Himself can sit in
Judgment of you." Father Paul went silent and then John
heard another `whoosh' as the small opening between
compartments sealed.

Seconds later on pure instinct, John started reciting "Hail
Mary, full of grace." and then heard the hiss of gas being
released into his chamber. He'd barely uttered "now at the
hour of our death." when all went black.


Paul thought to himself "Another poor lost soul brought to
salvation". Then he pushed the button that summoned the
Brothers of the Order, they would take over from this point,
so he rose and exited the Confessional.


John felt as if he was floating, detached from his body. In
the distance he could hear the beautiful voices of a choir.
a boys' choir. It reminded him of the years ago when he was
in Vienna with Teresa and they'd heard those cherubic young
men sing as if they were angels. Suddenly it came back to
him what he'd just done. He'd gone to the Confessional. He
thought it odd that he still had Earthly thoughts, but never
having experienced this before he guessed he hadn't a clue
what he was supposed to think. or do.

The blackness started to slowly lift and it seemed John was
becoming aware of existing in a physical form. Again he
thought it odd, but he was feeling dizzy and even a bit
nauseous. He was thinking that one should be cured of such
feelings in the afterlife. or could it be that he was in
Hell, and he'd feel this way for an eternity, and. and have
to be tortured forever listening to those disembodied
angelic voices singing, never to gaze upon a beautiful boy
again.

He then became aware of a gentle weight against his arm,
warm and comforting, soft as if a woman's hand. John slowly
opened his eyes, but the light was so bright it nearly
blinded him. Appearing slowly, as through some dispersing
mist, a soft angelic face smiled beamingly down into his
eyes. Then suddenly the expression changed to one of
excitement and he heard an angelic voice exclaim "He's
waking, he's waking!" John was so startled. This was the
most beautiful boy he'd ever seen. Surely he must be in
Heaven.


Well that is it for Chapter 1. The idea came to me a few
hours ago reflecting on my own life. I almost stopped with
Paul leaving the Confessional but there is much potential
with where I can take this. Also, I'm finding that this
story could be a catharsis for me, that through the telling
I expose myself and come to terms with the person I am. and
just maybe help another lost soul avoid some of the mistakes
I made.

Oh, fan mail would be greatly appreciated: ftl33062@live.com