Date: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 08:14:04 +0200 From: E. Galmor <the.perfect.form@gmail.com> Subject: The Perfect Form - Blue Sapphire Chapter 9: Shards of Love I was gazing at the hole in the wall, running my hand through it and contemplating excuses for the hotel management. Chris came out of the bathroom and saw the worried expression on my face, I guess. "Don't worry about it. I have enough money to keep people from asking too many questions." He came at me from behind and pulled his arms around me, burying his face in my hair. "Your hair is like silk." "Really?" I said with a slight smile. "And you smell so fucking awesome." I closed my eyes and let myself completely be lost in the moment. I could feel his love for me running through his fingers and into my body, and it was like I was on ecstasy. He brought his hand to my face and stroked it gently. "You're glowing again." We moved to the closet mirror and I could now clearly see the glowing white halo around my face. "This is so weird," I whispered. "It's beautiful." He was staring me in the eyes from behind me, through the mirror. "You're beautiful," he continued. I began to blush, though I doubt it could be seen through the white glow. "Kiss me," I asked him, and in a few second Chris' lips touched mine, and I could feel the warmth of his body enter me. When we parted, I could see some of my glow had passed on to Christian. "This is so unreal," he said while touching his face, never letting go of my hand. He led me to the bed, and after we turned off the lights, our glow shone even stronger. "Make love to me, Adam." It seemed like time stopped, and I could no longer move, or even breathe. "Adam?" His face carried a worried expression. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I..." I didn't let him a chance to finish as I brought him to me for a very passionate kiss. "I don't want to disappoint you, Chris." I said with a scared voice. "You can never disappoint me, baby. But I understand if you're not ready." I stroked his beautiful dark blond hair, his angelic green eyes clearly visible through the white glow. I sat up, and he followed my lead. I was truly scared and hoped I wouldn't make a fool of myself. My hands reached the bottom of his shirt and slowly pulled it up. I could not remove my gaze from the sight revealed to me then. His tanned, yet milky skin. His defined, chiseled body, fitting a man who had lived on the cold streets for 2 years. He was also completely smooth like me, except for a little blond hair below his belly button. As I pulled his shirt above his head, he began to undress me in the same fashion, and soon my shirt was off as well. I prayed that my body didn't disappoint him. In retrospect, I know there was probably no other person at the time with more defined muscles than me, but I was so insecure, and part of me still kept believing no one could ever really love me. He pulled me close to him, and for the first time I could directly feel the heat from his body. We wrapped our arms around each other; our glow spreading below our heads. "Adam, no one has ever made me feel like that." His voice was shaking, but it was a good shake this time. "When you touch me I feel like I'm in heaven." "I never dreamed anyone would ever touch me the way you do, Christian." I was crying a little, and Chris wiped my tears with his right hand. He pulled me in for another kiss. This time it was softer than before, yet somehow expressed more love than any of those that preceded it. "Tell me if I'm going to fast, Adam. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable." His voice was so soft, I melted in his hands. He laid me on my back, and slowly began to kiss my chest and nipples. Each kiss brought a gasp of joy from my mouth as I was truly in a delirious state. He moved down to my abs and each kiss delivered electric shocks through my entire body. The glow had spread down to our pelvises by then, but neither of us seemed to care. If anything, it made it even more special, if that was possible. He came back up to kiss me on the lips, and his warm, sweet tongue penetrated me, as mine did him. The glow was getting stronger and I flipped him onto his back. I ran my fingers over his chest and stomach. "You are so beautiful." He smiled a grateful smile, and I slowly began to kiss his neck, his pecs and abs. His scent was driving me insane as my acute senses picked up a lot more than a normal man could have. Bits and pieces of his thoughts flowed into me, that same emotional radar I had developed lately. It was pure bliss. I could feel his love for me, his desire for me. I hoped he could feel the same from me, even without special senses. I knew then this was the right thing. All doubts left my mind as I began to unbutton his jeans while he stroked my hair. I slowly pulled them down to reveal a pair of boxers and well defined, smooth legs. I immediately saw he was hard, and I blushed big time. The whole thing put me in a very self conscious frame of mind. I paused, not knowing how to proceed. I took his hand and pleaded with him with my eyes, trying to overcome my embarrassment. "Help me, Chris." My voice was soft and shaky, and he sat up to put his arms around me once again. We were completely glowing by now, and it made the room seem eerily beautiful. "Relax," he whispered in my ear. "We're in this together. Don't forget this is a first for me, too." He had a small shy smile on his face. He gently eased me on my back again and began to unbutton my own jeans. "If you ever feel even slightly uncomfortable, tell me and I'll stop." With my jeans gone, he ran his fingers down my legs, causing me to shiver. He paused, probably thinking the shivers showed discomfort. "Please don't stop," I cried, and his sweet innocent smile came back to his face. I felt his hands on my boxers, as he hesitantly touched my throbbing erection. In my entire life I was never as hard as I was now. Every touch sent me to paradise, and my mind went completely blank of everything other than this beautiful angel hovering above me. "I love you, Chris," I managed to speak, though it was becoming more and more difficult to let out anything but soft moans. "You are the first person to ever make me feel such deep, pure love, Adam," he responded, and more tears left my eyes. He slowly pulled down my boxers, and my erection sprang free. I didn't know what to expect next. I was beyond rational thinking at this point. I felt his hand touching my hardon slightly, gently. He seemed to be as afraid as I was, which made me feel a little less insecure. Nothing could have ever prepared me for the moment where my angel took me in his warm mouth, and the glow that passed through us became almost blinding. No words could ever describe the way I felt. It was as if his love for me was a tangible thing I could touch and feel. He sent endless shivers through my body, and I could feel his warmth envelop me. Sweet moans escaped my lips, and Chris seemed to be lost in delirium as well. He brought his hands below me to my behind, and his every touch was incomprehensible bliss. Nothing could be better than the feeling of him above me like this, except feeling him inside me. "Make love to me, Chris," I begged him with a soft voice, and he softly pulled off of my erection and gazed into my eyes. "Are you sure?" His eyes were full of hope. "I've never been so sure in my life." "I don't want to hur..." He paused in mid sentence, obviously realizing his mistake. I can't be hurt. At least not by humans. He smiled and moved to kiss me again. The kiss was strong, and I had to use all of my mental strength to control the amount of force I used to pull him close to me. Chris eased over me and I felt his erection nearing my hole. The first contact sent me into a state of heavenly shock. To give an accurate description of what followed is impossible. No words could ever describe how I felt with him inside me. All I would remember is the intensifying glow, growing stronger by the second. All I can say is that it no longer felt like we were two separate entities, but instead one form which we both shared. And when we reached our orgasms at the same time, the whole room radiated a brilliant white light, as the glow that surrounded us exploded into a million little shards that sparkled, and then vanished shortly after their creation. Christian collapsed on top of me; both of us were out of breath. I couldn't think straight, and I hugged Chris' warm body to me, afraid of ever letting go. What he gave me that night can never be explained or described. His love for me was real, as much as my love for him was. After being alone all of my life, never thinking I would ever find someone to care about me, I was so overwhelmed with emotions I didn't know how to express. His head was resting on my chest, and I could hear his heart beats. They sounded so beautiful to me then. We were both completely naked, and it felt so good to hold Chris' nude form in my arms, with nothing to separate us. "Never leave me, Adam. I wouldn't survive it." "I'll die before I ever let you go, Chris." He tightened his hold on me, and for the first time in my life, I was truly happy. I was going to spend the rest of my life making the man I love happy, and nothing was ever going to stop me. I would give him everything I had to give, just to see that beautiful smile of his. For the first time, I didn't feel like a freak. I didn't feel like a monster. I felt loved, and there is no better feeling than that in the whole universe. We fell asleep in each other's arms; his soft breaths were the sweetest lullaby I've ever heard. -0-0-0-0-0- I stood in a vast field, and I knew immediately that I was here before. This was the field that stretched between John's mansion and mine in Austria. How did I get here? I started walking, looking for anyone, anything, to give me a clue. I heard foot steps behind me, and I quickly spun around, prepared for the worst. "Chris?" "Adam?" "What are you doing here?" I felt a bit dizzy and I sat down on the grass below. "I have no idea... what is this place?" Before I could answer him, the carefree laughter of children flowed to us through the wind. John's tree house suddenly became visible in the horizon, and I found myself walking towards it, Chris at my heels. We seemed to reach it in no time at all, and I started to climb the small ladder. "Adam, where are you going?" I could hear Chris from behind me, but I was too drawn to the tree house, to the laughter. Chris managed to climb up beside me, and we both stared at the two teenagers sitting in the tree house, one now completely silent, holding a metal pipe. He was staring at it, debating what to do. "No!" I started to scream, but it was too late. He bent the pipe, and the look of sheer horror on the other kid's face caused me to fall off the ladder and on to the cold ground below. "He's not human!!!" The screams never stopped, and I put my hands over my ears, trying to shut the world out, trying to disappear. -0-0-0-0-0- I jumped up in bed, a cold sweat covering me completely. It was raining outside, and the thunderstorm added an eerie feeling to the dream. Chris sat up next to me and immediately took me in his arms. I started crying uncontrollably, and he brought my head to his shoulder. "That will never happen again, Adam. Forget about that stupid fuck! I will never run away from you!" He saw it? How can that be? "You were in my dream?" I managed to say, suppressing the urge to cry. "I think so. I saw it. I will never go away, Adam, you have to believe me. I love you so much!" He hugged me so tightly then, I could actually feel him inside me. "How can I make you understand how much I love you, Adam?" "You barely know me..." I whispered, my vast insecurities rising back to the surface. "I know all I need to know, and I plan to spend a lifetime getting to know you better." His words were so magical, so comforting, I literally melted in his arms. The thunder didn't sound so threatening now, but soothing. "Can we just sit like this for a few minutes?" "Of course we can, Adam. Tell me what I can do to dry your tears, and I'll do it." We sat like this for about 15 minutes. I could hear nothing but his heartbeats, and I once again felt at peace. When sleep took us once again, I was no longer crying. -0-0-0-0-0- My dreams took me again, and I found myself walking around in what best can be described as... nothing. I can't explain it. I was walking in a place that didn't exist. It had no color, no sound, and no smell. I felt nothing as I walked through it. All I could think about was finding my way out of this horrible dream. Chris was not with me this time, and I began to feel a little scared again. Then I saw it. Something strange, like a dot in the distance. I started to walk towards it. I wanted to find out more about the only `real' thing in these imaginary surroundings. The dot grew bigger with each step I took, and it slowly began to develop a form. A human form. Someone was sitting there, on no particular surface. I moved closer, more cautiously this time. A face slowly started to form in my mind. I could see brown hair and a very muscular frame. I moved even closer, determined to find out who it was. Familiarity began to creep into me, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. His head was buried in the circle his hands created with his knees, the same way I always found myself when the world began to be way too much. And then... he stirred. Has he heard me? He couldn't have... there are no sounds in this place. He slowly lifted his head to stare at me, and as soon as I saw his face, I turned to ice. Tommy, the guy who tried to kidnap me in Vegas. The guy I decapitated. "Can you get me out of here?" Hearing his voice almost sent my heart flying out of my body with shock. This place was so silent, the voice coming from him sounded like the most unnatural thing I have ever heard. "What?" I was shaking, and that was the only thing I could think of saying. Watching him there, sitting on... nothing, his eyes filled with an amount of sadness I never imagined existed. His cocky, all knowing attitude was gone. His smirk was gone. All that was left were tears and misery. Misery I brought upon him. "I can't get to him." He pointed to a space in front of him, and I turned my head to face it. It was like a spark at first, but then it began to grow. A strange glow, expanding more with each passing second. Suddenly, I could spot movement inside it, and I stood there, transfixed on it. A guy was lying on his right side in a king sized bed. He was crying. He was crying a lot. He was holding tightly onto the sheets on the right side of the bed. I could feel his pain grip my heart, and I found I could no longer stand. I sat down next to Tommy, my eyes never leaving the strange glow in front of us. "I tried to tell him I didn't leave, but he can't hear me." Tommy's eyes were full of tears as he gently raised his right hand and tried to touch the face of the man inside the glow. "Who is he?" I asked in a shaking voice. "That's Jay. He's the love of my life." -0-0-0-0-0- I woke up again to the sounds of thunder outside. My head was on Chris' chest, and I brought my left hand to rest on it as well. A dull ache in my heart kept lingering, and I knew it would not go away anytime soon. I have done the unthinkable. I destroyed his life, and the lives of everyone who loved him. Even though I could chalk it all up to my imagination, I knew it was all real. Somewhere, a guy named Jay was lying on his bed, crying his soul out because somewhere else, a guy named Adam decided to take his love away from him. The fact that they were gay only made the pain worse. True, he did try to kidnap me. True, he did paralyze me. But did he deserve to die for it? Can a guy who has someone mourning him with so much pain be completely evil? I could have done things differently. I could have run. I could have simply immobilized him somehow. But I didn't. I murdered him. Nothing I do will ever change that. He is sitting there because of me. He is crying because of me. He will never again hold the man he loves in his arms because of me. Who am I to take these things from someone? How can I smile when I make other people cry? Chris' body was so warm, so comforting. In his sleep, he wrapped his left hand around me. I felt so guilty, but I was happy. My heart ached, but it sang at the same time. My life began to flash before my eyes again, and my fears came back with it. I silently prayed Chris will never leave me. I knew he was the only thing keeping me sane. I knew at that moment that all of the pain I went through was worth it just to get here, to Chris' warm embrace. For once I was glad I could not be harmed, for if I could hurt myself, I would have been dead a long time ago. I held onto him for dear life. There was nothing I would not do for him, as long as he stayed by my side. The other shoe was not going to fall. It couldn't. I won't let it. ---------------------- Please send feedback to "The.Perfect.Form@gmail.com". Thanks!!!