Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 23:19:58 EDT From: Begmealot@aol.com Subject: adventures of tray and jay 22 "Adventures of Tray and Jay 22" PART 22: JAY SAYS NO I HAVE TO WRITE THIS FOR MY OWN CONSCIENCE. IT IS FOR EVERY VICTIM OF ABUSIVE INCEST, INCLUDING MYSELF. I BELIEVE IN LOVING, CONCENSUAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN RELATIVES AND OTHERS. THIS EPISODE IS NOT ONE OF THEM. MANY ARE NOT. THIS IS UNPLEASANT. IF YOU DON'T GET IT, YOU'RE SORRY. Kyle Thorson was a god to me. Tall, medium blond surfer hair. Powder blue eyes with the prettiest soft eyelashes. He's a big boy, like a jock, basketball or football maybe, but Kyle didn't go out for any of that. Or for anything. He's quiet. Real quiet. Intense. I frequently fantasized of sneaking up behind him, groping his hot ass and getting my hand in his faded jeans. Kyle fills out his jeans better than anyone. I only saw him smile twice, and both times I thought I'd die. The second time was after I noticed he seemed to be following me at school late in the afternoon when no one was around and I stopped by a tree to let him catch up. He almost passed me even though I know he had something on his mind, so I waved and grinned. "Hey, Kyle." That's when he smiled, the second time I saw, I mean. His face was so beautiful then, I took a deep breath and steadied myself. He came closer, and my pulse quickened. I snapped hard like I do. Through my damn cords, Kyle saw it right off and stared. "Uh, Jay?" "Yeah." "I've wanted to invite you over to my house for a long time." "I've wanted to go for even longer, Kyle." "Oh!" He blushed and bit his lip. Shit! "I kind of have this surprise for you. I waited for so long. I think you'll like it, Jay." Kyle wouldn't tell me what the "surprise" was but I have a damn good imagination! I followed him to his house on my scooter, and when we got there it was quiet. I got a bad feeling right off. I don't know why. It was a nice house, in a nice neighborhood. I could see all the windows were blocked with drapes or blinds. Inside it was dark. Very clean, smelled nice, but dark as hell. I got the creeps big time. I followed Kyle to the kitchen where he got us Cokes and we set down our books. He was nervous, but I told myself I knew why. I stepped close to him, real close, and was fixing to put my hand on his soft bulge when I reached my other hand toward his neck -- and he flinched and fell back. I stayed where I was. "Kyle, dude, I'm sorry, really. I didn't mean to scare you." "I'm not scared!" I was. "TOMMY! TOMMY! GET OUT HERE, NOW!" It was Kyle, screaming. The change made my blood go cold. I shivered. I wanted out of there bad. "DON'T MAKE ME COME GET YOU!" Then Kyle grinned at me, like he wanted me to see how in control he was or some crazy shit. Well, all of a sudden, so quiet I never even heard, I saw this cute little guy, about 10, standing there by the entrance to the living room. He didn't look at either of us, or at anything. He stood totally still and stared at nothing. I got the sickest knot in my stomach. "We've got the place to ourselves, Jay, so relax. Take off -- some of your clothes, if you want." "Oh, uh, thanks, Kyle, I'm cool." "Do you mind if I do?" "Uh, you see, Kyle, I really better be going. Sorry. Thanks for the Coke." I reached for my knapsack, and that's when he made it so I couldn't leave. I just couldn't. I wish he didn't do it in front of me. But then I think of that poor kid, Tommy, and I go all sick and weak inside. Kyle grabbed Tommy and threw him. Tommy landed about ten feet away and rolled, like he was used to it! That's the scariest part. Tommy never made a sound, not a damn yelp or anything. "Jesus, Kyle, cool it!" He looked at me and smiled, but it wasn't the pretty one. He tore off his clothes in a few seconds, and I saw he was getting excited. I'm not the slightest bit interested in the details of Kyle's anatomy any more, but he was half-hard. He pulled Tommy's shirt over the kid's head and pushed down his little brother's pants and underwear. "Come on, Tommy, play with yourself for us, like you know how!" Kyle fondled Tommy's tiny, immature genitals, and Tommy even got an erection. But he was shaking and staring that godawful dead way! "That's it, Tommy. I love you when you do that, you know I do, don't you?" I felt totally trapped in a nightmare. What the fuck was I supposed to do? "Kyle. Look at me, man." He did, and he had that crazy power gleam in his eyes. "This isn't cool, dude. I'm not impressed." That went deep. I saw it like it was a damn blade twisting in him. That's when I became afraid for myself, too. "Well -- well -- fuck, Jay, tell me what you like. Yeah. I can make him do anything I want. Want him to suck your dick?" "No, Kyle, I don't! Why would I want your 10-year-old brother to suck my dick?" "Because he's good!" Kyle laughed then, and I grabbed my stomach, ready to puke. Really. He was all the way hard, and he did it so fast I -- my God, I stood there and watched! I did. I'm so ashamed. I never felt so dirty! I watched Tommy gratify his big brother with his -- his tiny -- traumatized little mouth! "Oh, yeah, Tommy, boy, suck it good like you do you little slut." "Stop it! Now! You hear me, Kyle? Stop it!" "Oh, Jay, he's so good! Please let me make him do it for you, too! Come here, Jay, we'll share him together! Yeah! Wouldn't that be cool?" And then Kyle did it. He got so excited thinking about using his kid bro as a sex object, a fucking THING to get off in, that he did it. He got off. In Tommy's mouth. I saw tears going down Tommy's cheeks when his eyes closed, and held his brother's hips with his shaking small hands, and he swallowed. Kyle grabbed Tommy and turned him around and bent the boy over the breakfast table. "Kyle, please, man, I'm begging you, really, this is so wrong! Do you hear me? This is fucking rape, Kyle, criminal sexual penetration of a minor! Do you comprehend that?" "He's my fucking brother, Jay! Like you and Tray!" Oh, my God, I just lost it! I lunged at Kyle and grabbed his shoulders with both my hands and put my whole damn body into it, and I sent Kyle flying out into the dining room. That's when Tommy went berserk. He started screaming and kicking me and batting me with his poor hands. "TOMMY! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, HEAR!" And Tommy fell silent. And stared. I was all hot and flushed, and sweat popped up all over my body. "What Tray and me have is love, Kyle! Don't you ever dare fucking say that again! I was 15 when I came on to him. He was 17. We both knew, and know, what we dig. We know what sex is, Kyle, we're not pre-pubescent little boys, or worse, one of us and the other's big and strong and sexually twisted!" Kyle went crazy cold and still. "Are you -- did you -- you didn't just call me -- you called me twisted? FUCKING TWISTED!" He pushed Tommy face-down on the cold floor and climbed on back of the boy. "This is fucking NOTHING, Jay, compared to -- to…" "To what someone did to you?" Kyle's head jerked to me. "That's it. What goes around comes around. Your daddy or someone…" "MY DAD NEVER TOUCHED ME, YOU HEAR! DON'T TELL ANYONE THAT! HE NEVER HURT ME! YOU TELL PEOPLE THAT AND I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL…" "Come on, boy, try it. Right now. Try to rape me with that damn weapon! Pussy!" Kyle lay all the way down on Tommy and kissed the boy's cheek. "You like it, don't you, little bro? Am I hurting you? Forcing you?" Tommy shook his head. "Nobody else is loving you, are they? Your big bro's the only one loving little Tommy, isn't he?" Again the boy nodded, like a damn robot. "Kyle. Listen to me. I'm not letting you sodomize Tommy, or do one more thing to him. Understand?" Kyle leapt to his feet and charged me but stopped when he was in my face. "Or else what? Huh, Jay? You can do it with your brother, but I can't do it with mine! Right? So what! What are you gonna do, big man?" "I'll call the cops." That stunned him, for a second. "Bullshit." "Look at my face, Kyle. Look in my eyes. Go on." I waited until his eyes met mine, level. "Do I look like I'm bullshitting?" "Well, I won't let you." "Kyle, man -- you can't stop me. Believe me, people have tried before, when I got my mind set. It aint possible." He was getting desperate. His eyes went wild for something to save his ass. "Fine! Go ahead! Call the cops. It's your word against mine. You think Tommy will help you?" I looked at Tommy. He still lay where he was left, on his stomach, shaking. I smiled suddenly. "So, Kyle, when's the last time you buttfucked him?" Kyle glowed with warmth and pride. It was fucking sickening! I had to pretend I liked it, just another minute. "This morning. He's such a sweet little guy, Jay, he really is! He doesn't even make me come and get him any more. Sometimes we take showers, like this morning. I have my own bathroom, so it's really easy. I did it in the shower, nice and slow, because Tommy likes it that way." I walked to the phone and picked it up. "I'm sure they'll be interested to find your dirty sperm up in his bowels, then!" I hit the 9 before Kyle tackled me good, and we both got a few good blows in, but I pinned his ass. "This is stopping NOW, Kyle, DO YOU HEAR ME?" "No! No! You can't do this, Jay! He's my brother, I love him, he loves me! We've only got each other, man! You understand that! YOU! Of all people, Jay, you?" Tommy slapped me with his hands and cried again. "Yes, I do understand, Kyle. That's why I'm not gonna sit and watch. I'm not gonna walk away and let you ruin your little brother for life, any more than you already have! Because I ask myself, what if Tray pulled this shit when I was 10, or my dad, or uncle, or whoever the fuck? Huh? Who could have stopped them?" I started crying, I tried so hard not to, but I lost it. "I'd be staring at thin air now with your beautiful kid bro, dude." I was sobbing. "Look at him!" Kyle looked at Tommy and felt it, I saw him feel it there for a second. But he couldn't face it. He bit down and looked up at me with pure hate in his eyes. "Fuck you, Jay! Call the cops! I'll take my chances with them! You're only bluffing anyway!" I reached back for the phone and pulled it closer, and Kyle struggled so I popped him once, hard, in the nose, so he was temporarily blinded with pain. And I did it. I dialed 911. I was still shaking, crying. "I -- I -- I have to report the rape of a 10-year-old boy." Kyle lost it then and screamed insanely. I gave the address. My name. "I'm sitting on top of the man who did it. There's -- there's -- OHMYGOD!" I couldn't talk. I remember the dispatcher telling me it's okay. "It's not okay! Oh! There's physical evidence, see, in the boy." AND SHE FUCKING KNEW RIGHT AWAY WHAT I MEANT! IT'S NOT UNUSUAL, OKAY! HAPPENS EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY! And I wanted to be with Kyle so bad, for so long. The cops got there, and Kyle calmed down for them. "It's all a misunderstanding!" he told them. They looked at Tommy, naked, lying on his side on the floor. They looked at me, tears streaming down my face, shaking uncontrollably with horror and disgust and pain. And of course, they wondered why Kyle was naked. I had to go to the station, of course, and make the report. Tray, mom, pop, Adam and Dylan showed up together and hugged me, right when I was thinking I might have a handle on the tears, and it all started over again. They took me back to the apartment. Someone called work for me and explained, and I got the weekend off. I was totally wiped. Useless. "It's in Tommy's stomach because I didn't stop it," I mumbled, and they could only guess what I meant. "It's not your fault, boy," Dylan cried and squeezed me. He's so sensitive, too, really, the tough bastard. "What's gonna happen?" I wondered out loud. "Could be a lot of things," pop said. "Hopefully real help for Tommy and Kyle, and -- and their -- their dad." "Pop?" Tray put his arm around pop, who looked dazed. Mom had him from the other side. "What's wrong?" He shook his head and cried! "I hope if I ever hurt you boys, you'd -- tell me -- do something -- to protect yourselves?" I got up and went to pop then and Tray and mom and me held him close. There was nothing any of us could say. The fact that we were all together told the story. Because, I mean, Kyle was downtown in jail, and Tommy was in the hospital for a day or two and then hopefully would stay with a foster family. But where the fuck were Tommy's and Kyle's parents now? I don't get it. It makes me so damn sad. "Adventures of Tray and Jay 22" PART 22: JAY SAYS NO I HAVE TO WRITE THIS FOR MY OWN CONSCIENCE. IT IS FOR EVERY VICTIM OF ABUSIVE INCEST, INCLUDING MYSELF. I BELIEVE IN LOVING, CONCENSUAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN RELATIVES AND OTHERS. THIS EPISODE IS NOT ONE OF THEM. MANY ARE NOT. THIS IS UNPLEASANT. IF YOU DON'T GET IT, YOU'RE SORRY. Kyle Thorson was a god to me. Tall, medium blond surfer hair. Powder blue eyes with the prettiest soft eyelashes. He's a big boy, like a jock, basketball or football maybe, but Kyle didn't go out for any of that. Or for anything. He's quiet. Real quiet. Intense. I frequently fantasized of sneaking up behind him, groping his hot ass and getting my hand in his faded jeans. Kyle fills out his jeans better than anyone. I only saw him smile twice, and both times I thought I'd die. The second time was after I noticed he seemed to be following me at school late in the afternoon when no one was around and I stopped by a tree to let him catch up. He almost passed me even though I know he had something on his mind, so I waved and grinned. "Hey, Kyle." That's when he smiled, the second time I saw, I mean. His face was so beautiful then, I took a deep breath and steadied myself. He came closer, and my pulse quickened. I snapped hard like I do. Through my damn cords, Kyle saw it right off and stared. "Uh, Jay?" "Yeah." "I've wanted to invite you over to my house for a long time." "I've wanted to go for even longer, Kyle." "Oh!" He blushed and bit his lip. Shit! "I kind of have this surprise for you. I waited for so long. I think you'll like it, Jay." Kyle wouldn't tell me what the "surprise" was but I have a damn good imagination! I followed him to his house on my scooter, and when we got there it was quiet. I got a bad feeling right off. I don't know why. It was a nice house, in a nice neighborhood. I could see all the windows were blocked with drapes or blinds. Inside it was dark. Very clean, smelled nice, but dark as hell. I got the creeps big time. I followed Kyle to the kitchen where he got us Cokes and we set down our books. He was nervous, but I told myself I knew why. I stepped close to him, real close, and was fixing to put my hand on his soft bulge when I reached my other hand toward his neck -- and he flinched and fell back. I stayed where I was. "Kyle, dude, I'm sorry, really. I didn't mean to scare you." "I'm not scared!" I was. "TOMMY! TOMMY! GET OUT HERE, NOW!" It was Kyle, screaming. The change made my blood go cold. I shivered. I wanted out of there bad. "DON'T MAKE ME COME GET YOU!" Then Kyle grinned at me, like he wanted me to see how in control he was or some crazy shit. Well, all of a sudden, so quiet I never even heard, I saw this cute little guy, about 10, standing there by the entrance to the living room. He didn't look at either of us, or at anything. He stood totally still and stared at nothing. I got the sickest knot in my stomach. "We've got the place to ourselves, Jay, so relax. Take off -- some of your clothes, if you want." "Oh, uh, thanks, Kyle, I'm cool." "Do you mind if I do?" "Uh, you see, Kyle, I really better be going. Sorry. Thanks for the Coke." I reached for my knapsack, and that's when he made it so I couldn't leave. I just couldn't. I wish he didn't do it in front of me. But then I think of that poor kid, Tommy, and I go all sick and weak inside. Kyle grabbed Tommy and threw him. Tommy landed about ten feet away and rolled, like he was used to it! That's the scariest part. Tommy never made a sound, not a damn yelp or anything. "Jesus, Kyle, cool it!" He looked at me and smiled, but it wasn't the pretty one. He tore off his clothes in a few seconds, and I saw he was getting excited. I'm not the slightest bit interested in the details of Kyle's anatomy any more, but he was half-hard. He pulled Tommy's shirt over the kid's head and pushed down his little brother's pants and underwear. "Come on, Tommy, play with yourself for us, like you know how!" Kyle fondled Tommy's tiny, immature genitals, and Tommy even got an erection. But he was shaking and staring that godawful dead way! "That's it, Tommy. I love you when you do that, you know I do, don't you?" I felt totally trapped in a nightmare. What the fuck was I supposed to do? "Kyle. Look at me, man." He did, and he had that crazy power gleam in his eyes. "This isn't cool, dude. I'm not impressed." That went deep. I saw it like it was a damn blade twisting in him. That's when I became afraid for myself, too. "Well -- well -- fuck, Jay, tell me what you like. Yeah. I can make him do anything I want. Want him to suck your dick?" "No, Kyle, I don't! Why would I want your 10-year-old brother to suck my dick?" "Because he's good!" Kyle laughed then, and I grabbed my stomach, ready to puke. Really. He was all the way hard, and he did it so fast I -- my God, I stood there and watched! I did. I'm so ashamed. I never felt so dirty! I watched Tommy gratify his big brother with his -- his tiny -- traumatized little mouth! "Oh, yeah, Tommy, boy, suck it good like you do you little slut." "Stop it! Now! You hear me, Kyle? Stop it!" "Oh, Jay, he's so good! Please let me make him do it for you, too! Come here, Jay, we'll share him together! Yeah! Wouldn't that be cool?" And then Kyle did it. He got so excited thinking about using his kid bro as a sex object, a fucking THING to get off in, that he did it. He got off. In Tommy's mouth. I saw tears going down Tommy's cheeks when his eyes closed, and held his brother's hips with his shaking small hands, and he swallowed. Kyle grabbed Tommy and turned him around and bent the boy over the breakfast table. "Kyle, please, man, I'm begging you, really, this is so wrong! Do you hear me? This is fucking rape, Kyle, criminal sexual penetration of a minor! Do you comprehend that?" "He's my fucking brother, Jay! Like you and Tray!" Oh, my God, I just lost it! I lunged at Kyle and grabbed his shoulders with both my hands and put my whole damn body into it, and I sent Kyle flying out into the dining room. That's when Tommy went berserk. He started screaming and kicking me and batting me with his poor hands. "TOMMY! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, HEAR!" And Tommy fell silent. And stared. I was all hot and flushed, and sweat popped up all over my body. "What Tray and me have is love, Kyle! Don't you ever dare fucking say that again! I was 15 when I came on to him. He was 17. We both knew, and know, what we dig. We know what sex is, Kyle, we're not pre-pubescent little boys, or worse, one of us and the other's big and strong and sexually twisted!" Kyle went crazy cold and still. "Are you -- did you -- you didn't just call me -- you called me twisted? FUCKING TWISTED!" He pushed Tommy face-down on the cold floor and climbed on back of the boy. "This is fucking NOTHING, Jay, compared to -- to…" "To what someone did to you?" Kyle's head jerked to me. "That's it. What goes around comes around. Your daddy or someone…" "MY DAD NEVER TOUCHED ME, YOU HEAR! DON'T TELL ANYONE THAT! HE NEVER HURT ME! YOU TELL PEOPLE THAT AND I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL…" "Come on, boy, try it. Right now. Try to rape me with that damn weapon! Pussy!" Kyle lay all the way down on Tommy and kissed the boy's cheek. "You like it, don't you, little bro? Am I hurting you? Forcing you?" Tommy shook his head. "Nobody else is loving you, are they? Your big bro's the only one loving little Tommy, isn't he?" Again the boy nodded, like a damn robot. "Kyle. Listen to me. I'm not letting you sodomize Tommy, or do one more thing to him. Understand?" Kyle leapt to his feet and charged me but stopped when he was in my face. "Or else what? Huh, Jay? You can do it with your brother, but I can't do it with mine! Right? So what! What are you gonna do, big man?" "I'll call the cops." That stunned him, for a second. "Bullshit." "Look at my face, Kyle. Look in my eyes. Go on." I waited until his eyes met mine, level. "Do I look like I'm bullshitting?" "Well, I won't let you." "Kyle, man -- you can't stop me. Believe me, people have tried before, when I got my mind set. It aint possible." He was getting desperate. His eyes went wild for something to save his ass. "Fine! Go ahead! Call the cops. It's your word against mine. You think Tommy will help you?" I looked at Tommy. He still lay where he was left, on his stomach, shaking. I smiled suddenly. "So, Kyle, when's the last time you buttfucked him?" Kyle glowed with warmth and pride. It was fucking sickening! I had to pretend I liked it, just another minute. "This morning. He's such a sweet little guy, Jay, he really is! He doesn't even make me come and get him any more. Sometimes we take showers, like this morning. I have my own bathroom, so it's really easy. I did it in the shower, nice and slow, because Tommy likes it that way." I walked to the phone and picked it up. "I'm sure they'll be interested to find your dirty sperm up in his bowels, then!" I hit the 9 before Kyle tackled me good, and we both got a few good blows in, but I pinned his ass. "This is stopping NOW, Kyle, DO YOU HEAR ME?" "No! No! You can't do this, Jay! He's my brother, I love him, he loves me! We've only got each other, man! You understand that! YOU! Of all people, Jay, you?" Tommy slapped me with his hands and cried again. "Yes, I do understand, Kyle. That's why I'm not gonna sit and watch. I'm not gonna walk away and let you ruin your little brother for life, any more than you already have! Because I ask myself, what if Tray pulled this shit when I was 10, or my dad, or uncle, or whoever the fuck? Huh? Who could have stopped them?" I started crying, I tried so hard not to, but I lost it. "I'd be staring at thin air now with your beautiful kid bro, dude." I was sobbing. "Look at him!" Kyle looked at Tommy and felt it, I saw him feel it there for a second. But he couldn't face it. He bit down and looked up at me with pure hate in his eyes. "Fuck you, Jay! Call the cops! I'll take my chances with them! You're only bluffing anyway!" I reached back for the phone and pulled it closer, and Kyle struggled so I popped him once, hard, in the nose, so he was temporarily blinded with pain. And I did it. I dialed 911. I was still shaking, crying. "I -- I -- I have to report the rape of a 10-year-old boy." Kyle lost it then and screamed insanely. I gave the address. My name. "I'm sitting on top of the man who did it. There's -- there's -- OHMYGOD!" I couldn't talk. I remember the dispatcher telling me it's okay. "It's not okay! Oh! There's physical evidence, see, in the boy." AND SHE FUCKING KNEW RIGHT AWAY WHAT I MEANT! IT'S NOT UNUSUAL, OKAY! HAPPENS EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY! And I wanted to be with Kyle so bad, for so long. The cops got there, and Kyle calmed down for them. "It's all a misunderstanding!" he told them. They looked at Tommy, naked, lying on his side on the floor. They looked at me, tears streaming down my face, shaking uncontrollably with horror and disgust and pain. And of course, they wondered why Kyle was naked. I had to go to the station, of course, and make the report. Tray, mom, pop, Adam and Dylan showed up together and hugged me, right when I was thinking I might have a handle on the tears, and it all started over again. They took me back to the apartment. Someone called work for me and explained, and I got the weekend off. I was totally wiped. Useless. "It's in Tommy's stomach because I didn't stop it," I mumbled, and they could only guess what I meant. "It's not your fault, boy," Dylan cried and squeezed me. He's so sensitive, too, really, the tough bastard. "What's gonna happen?" I wondered out loud. "Could be a lot of things," pop said. "Hopefully real help for Tommy and Kyle, and -- and their -- their dad." "Pop?" Tray put his arm around pop, who looked dazed. Mom had him from the other side. "What's wrong?" He shook his head and cried! "I hope if I ever hurt you boys, you'd -- tell me -- do something -- to protect yourselves?" I got up and went to pop then and Tray and mom and me held him close. There was nothing any of us could say. The fact that we were all together told the story. Because, I mean, Kyle was downtown in jail, and Tommy was in the hospital for a day or two and then hopefully would stay with a foster family. But where the fuck were Tommy's and Kyle's parents now? I don't get it. It makes me so damn sad.