Date: Thu, 11 May 2006 23:50:01 -0500
From: Chris Samuels <theshizat@munich.com>
Subject: Accepting, Part IV

All that legal Junk: This is a fictional story about budding love between
two young males, including sexual encounters.  Some states/countries have
laws saying you can't read this.  Some people don't like to read this.  If
you fall into either of those categories, don't read this.  All the
following work is the original work of the author, all rights reserved.

Well I finally got a chance to write another piece of this story.  Hope you
all enjoy it.  Thanks again to everyone who has been sending e-mails.  FYI,
if you're just looking for sex, this isn't the story for you.  This chapter
has a lot of emotional twists and turns, so be ready for it.

-------------------
Accepting, Part IV |
-------------------

Grabbing pens and paper, the boys began to jot down their secrets.  Trevor
wrote the following: Ben, yesterday when we were outside, and wrestling... I
think I liked it a lot.  I mean, a lot.  I don't know what I mean.  I can't
write anymore..., and with incredible tension handed it to Ben.

As he got Ben's paper, he lost his nerve, and just wanted to burn what he'd
written.  What if Ben's didn't say the same thing?  What if this was all a
trick?  Terrified, he began unfolding the note...


The next several seconds of Trevor's life took longer than his hardest
Spanish test, his parent teacher conferences, and the last round of the
spelling bee combined.  Sure, it was his hands unfolding Ben's note, it was
his eyes reading the simple words "I love you", and his lips that were
locking with Ben's, but it wasn't him.  He was somewhere outside his body,
watching in shock, terror, and pure bliss.

As if Time were a rubber band, fully stretched to slow, it snapped back
with twice the speed.  The boys rumbled across the floor blindly grabbing
at any piece of clothing they could, tearing, gnawing, salivating, and
letting the heat of their emotions rule the night.  Niceties and
embarrassment were for another time as two would be lovers discovered for
the first time what it meant to have no inhibition.

The sweat made their body's slick and glisten, which only added to the
eroticism of the moment.  Trevor's own penis, long since hard, was
beginning to move in ways he hadn't imagined possible.  The touch of bare
skin, and the fire in Ben's eyes were almost too much to handle as Trevor
tried to hold back.

Moans and sighs escaped their lips as the boys examined every forbidden
inch of there bodies.  Almost without thought, they slipped into a rhythm,
stroke and fondle, kiss and caress.  As their intensity increased so did
their insatiable need to be closer, to delve deeper into the other's
throat, and rub closer to the other's chest.

And then it was over.  Their semen smeared between their naked bodies,
there sweat commingled into a sweetly sour smell of love.  Exhausted their
eyes locked, and they knew something special had just happened.  For those
few precious moments, Ben and Trevor felt safe and secure, as if whatever
were to happen, they were happy.

But alas, nothing so perfect can last, and so it was that horror began to
set in upon Trevor.  It made no sense, this was what he wanted.  Ben was
perfect, and still he couldn't contain the massive feelings of pain, guilt,
sorrow, and even anger that were welling up inside him.  Jumping to his
feet, he could scarcely stop himself from crying.  Clothes.  He needed
clothes.  But which were his, which in that pile of sin on the floor.

Grabbing what looked right, and jumping into it as fast as he could, Trevor
was running out the door.  Of course Ben followed him.  Who would he be not
to follow.  But what could he say?  All that escaped him was the hurt of
betrayal and lies.  And that made it even worse for Trevor, who could feel
those lies, and what they meant.

He was just getting off the stairs when he fell to the ground, caught up in
the mess of pants that weren't his, and the weakness that he felt.  He
didn't even want to move anymore, just to disappear.  Just to go back in
time, just to change something and make it all all right again.  Ben came,
hoping to be of any help, but Trevor's cold eyes shunned him, and made
clear this was no time for it.

Finally, not seeing anything else to do, Ben went and sat on the couch.  If
Trevor was confused, Ben was so times ten.  What had he done wrong to leave
his friend in such a state?  Could what they had done really have been such
a sin that he was being punished somehow?  What kind of talk was that?

Slowly, Ben realized that he too was starting to cry, and wanted nothing
more than to reach out and hold Trevor.  He would've too was he not greeted
by the slamming of the front door as Trevor left.  Where he was going Ben
didn't, know, and really didn't care.  If this is what it meant to have a
best friend then Ben didn't want one.  Running to his own room and slamming
the door, Ben started to cry.

===============================================

The next day both boys were too sick to got to school.  Was it a cold
perhaps that had stricken them?  Or was this premature heartbreak.  Either
way the symptoms the boys experienced were too real to discount.  Ben had
the shivers, and a high fever, along with what seemed to be stomach flu.
To top it all off, his muscles were so weak he couldn't walk.

His mom of course stayed home to care for him, though she could find no
reason for his sudden condition.  She brought him soup, and watched him
closely.  When she heard from Trevor's mom that he was displaying similar
symptoms, she suggested the two have a play date to try and raise their
spirits.

Well, you can imagine the response that elicited from the boys.  It wasn't
that their condition got worse, and wasn't that they were mad, somehow they
just seemed more distant.  Trevor was reclusive, hiding beneath his covers,
rejecting his mother's attempts to comfort him.

For three days they stayed home, with gradually lessening conditions.  Of
course, the root of the problem, the mortification and disgust they felt
wasn't showing any signs of easing.  In fact, every time Trevor recalled
what had happened, a knot formed in the pit of his stomach, and he couldn't
help feeling unclean, filthy even.

For weeks afterwards at school the boys showed open disdain for one
another.  There were no fights, no shouting, and no real physical problems,
just a sense of unease.  Everyone could feel it, teachers, friends,
parents.  Of course, they couldn't possibly understand the depth of the
problem.  Friends had falling outs all the time.

And perhaps everything would have continued as such, neither boy talking
were it not for the dreams.  Every night it was the same.  Trevor was
running in the night, trying to catch something he couldn't quite see.  His
friends were all at his back, shouting words of encouragement, sure he
could do it.  Finally, he would fly out of the forest, into dawn, and into
the most beautiful scene he had seen.

Except, it was wrong; it was Ben, Ben and someone else.  They were laughing
now, not just at him but also at the thought of him.  How could he even
think what had happened between them was real?  The girl Ben was with would
walk over every night and whisper lovingly into his ear "We don't need
people like you around here Trevor.  He's mine now".

And as much as those words infuriated him, they pacified him.  She was
right after all, the world didn't need people like him.  And so it was that
for a month Trevor awoke every morning in tears.  He wasn't crying for
losing Ben, but for thinking it could have ever worked.

Life went on of course.  Trevor received marks as high as ever in school.
In some ways his work improved, with him throwing every grain of emotion
into it.  It was the only way he could keep on.  He became his own
inspiration in a lot of ways.  In particular, his essay on Romeo and
Juliet.  In words far beyond his years, Trevor described what it was to
feel the pain of a forbidden love.

"The touch of a forbidden hand is not one of love and hope, but a deep cut
into the hope that such a love could ever happen.  Nights of passion and
intimacy shared by such a couple cannot possibly lead to the joy they would
expect, but rather to dismay at the dying prospect of their days together.
And so, Romeo's untimely burial, Juliet's plunge, and the `happy' dagger
that tore them apart are not motifs of joy at all, but of despair in the
face of the unstoppable."

His heartstrings danced as he finished those last words.  Was he destined
to live out a life like Romeo, to love and to ache until his own family
would force his betrayal?  The thoughts were too much for Trevor who
finally put the paper in his backpack and went to sleep.  As the familiar
dream took him, Trevor felt himself resigning to another night of pain.

As luck would have it, the next morning his Mom could not take him to
school.  "Look, I know you're upset at Ben for whatever reason right now,
but I have an important meeting today, and I really need you to get a ride
from him.  If you could just do this for me honey, it would really help me
out."

And who was he to argue?  Quietly, he went to Mrs. Martina's car and
climbed in, preparing for what was sure to be a long drive.  Yet, to his
surprise, Ben didn't seem reserved at all.  He spent the whole time talking
about a new video game with his mom, almost ignoring the fact Trevor was in
the car at all.

It didn't help make the time pass quicker for Trevor.  By the time they had
arrived at the school, he was more than ready to leave, running to his
first class.  That's how it was all day, Ben talking and having fun as
though he didn't exist.  It was infuriating.

Finally, after school, Trevor went to Ben's house.  "So that's the way it
is then?  You don't anymore?  You have new friends I see, and I guess it's
better that way" he yelled. "Of course, I'm just the geek who wasn't meant
to have any friends anyway.  It's ok you know, I'm used to it."

"And what else would you have me do?" Ben retorted.  "It's not like you've
been incredibly forthcoming.  In fact, for the past month you haven't
spoken a word to me until now.  I don't even understand where all this
anger is coming from."

"I'm sure you don't." Trevor sneered "If you don't want to hang out with me
anymore, you could simply tell me.  You don't have to be so secretive about
it.  In fact, why don't you just tell everyone?  Why don't you mock me like
you want to."

As his friend's eyes started to tear up, Ben said with melancholy, "Trevor,
I don't know what you want from me, but this isn't the way to get it.
Whatever happened that night, I don't know, and I don't care.  But this
isn't going to change it.  Just leave.  Please." And with those words,
Ben's own eyes began to tear.

"Is that it then" Trevor whimpered.  The hurt in his voice was the most
genuine feeling he had expressed in a long time, and it felt liberating.
But it wasn't enough.  His pain and regret could scarcely dwarf Ben's
anger.

"Yes," was the only word to escape Ben as he closed the door.

============

Well, I seem to have a knack for leaving you in that gut wrenching
situation.  Hope you're still enjoying the story, and keep e-mailing
please.  theshizat@munich.com There will definitely be at least one more
chapter in this story, and perhaps I'll write a second one soon.