Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1999 19:42:10 -0400
From: Charlie <charlieje@mindspring.com>
Subject: Andy-12 (Young-Friends)

                     XII Andy Returns

Andy was chattering endlessly as he and Evan drove from the Wilmington
airport to the Conner farm. Evan thought he'd never seen a boy so happy!
"I'm not sure I understand," Evan said to him. "As I understand it, you've
only known these people for four months, have only lived with them for
two. Why is it that all of you are so determined to be together?"

"I don't know, sir." Andy replied, "It's just... well, they were so good to
me and all. It's just one of those things, ya know? We all knew from the
start that it's like a perfect fit. And then there's Charlie."

"Their son, right?"

"Yes sir. He is the most awesome kid I have ever known!"


Andy went on to tell about Charlie. From Andy's perspective, Charlie was
only a small step below sainthood, was perfect in every respect. No one
could sing better, not one was more handsome; no one could drive a tractor
better and no one was a better mechanic. No one was a better farmer and
absolutely no one was more feeling, passionate, tender-hearted! And now,
finally, this wonder kid was going to be Andy's little brother!


"You make him sound perfect." Evan observed.

"He is." Andy replied without a moment's thought, "Wait'll you meet him."

"I've never seen a twelve year old boy yet that's anything more than a
twelve year old boy. Some are talented, some better looking than others;
but they're still twelve year old boys, with all the pain-in-the-ass
tendencies of all the others."

"Not Charlie!" Andy answered confidently.


Charlie was not in the house when Andy arrived at 1:30. He had gone to the
machinery shed to make a small adjustment to a combine, which would be
harvesting soy beans as soon as they could get to it. There were tearful
hello's and embraces from Karen and Dennis, and then Dennis turned to Evan
as he held Andy tight. "Thank you, Mr. Turnbull!" he said, "You've given us
back our son."

"You're most welcome. But please, call me Evan."


"I expect you're looking for Charlie." Dennis surmised. "He's out making an
adjustment on the combine. He should be in soon because we have to get him
cleaned up and to the hospital."

"Hospital?" Andy queried blankly. "Who's sick?"

"Oh that's right!" Karen observed. "Things are happening so fast I forgot
you didn't know. Andy, you'd better sit down."


A cold chill went down Andy's spine. He knew it was Charlie, and he knew it
was serious. Surely after all this time, after all they'd become to each
other... surely he wasn't going to lose Charlie again! Or was he? There was
no question that he wanted to stay here, Charlie or not. But would he be
welcome? Could he fill the very large shoes Charlie would leave? Could Andy
keep a positive attitude without Charlie to constantly encourage him? And
more important, why had he already assumed that Charlie was going to die?


"Charlie is going in the hospital tonight." Karen explained. "They think he
has... uhh... Andy," she said as she began to cry, "Andy, they think he has
cancer."

"NO!!!!" Andy shouted, "No! Not Charlie! They've made a terrible mistake!"

"They're not sure yet." Dennis reminded them. "He's going in tonight,
tomorrow morning they're going to do a biopsy, and if that's positive
they'll be doing surgery right away."

"Surgery? What're they gonna do?"

"They think he has cancer in his testicles. They'll be taking them off if
it's cancer."

"Oh damn!" Andy exclaimed, "He must feel terrible! I gotta go see him!
Please excuse me?" Without waiting for an answer Andy flew out the door and
across the yard.


"He sure thinks a lot of your son." Evan said.

"No more than we all think of him. He's had a bad start, Evan. But there's
a good boy under all that facade."

"I didn't see any facade." Evan said, "He was as genuine and real as any
boy I've met, including my own two. But while they're gone, there's
something we need to discuss. Did you know about the annuity?

"Annuity?" Dennis questioned blankly.

"Then I presume you didn't know about it?"

"No. Exactly what annuity are you talking about?"

"That's the reason getting Andy back here was so difficult. The orphanage
didn't want to give him up because your young friend... er... SON has a
sizable annuity."


Evan went on to explain that Andy's grandfather, whom Andy hadn't seen
since he was two, had put in place a fairly large insurance policy which
would provide for his keep and education. The grandfather, Evan said, had
known from the start that Andy's mother would never keep him. The
orphanage, he said, had been skimming the allowance for years, putting it
in the general fund. "I've threatened legal action, maybe even criminal
charges if they don't replace it and soon. But there's lots of time to
discuss that later. The important thing is Andy's back here where he's safe
and loved."

"Does Andy know about it?" Karen asked. "The money I mean?"

"No. I was going to tell him, then I decided it'd be better coming from
you. But to show good faith to Social Services, you're going to have to
tell him."

"Why would we not tell him?" Dennis asked, "After all, it's his money."


"Andy!" Charlie screamed as he flew into Andy's arms, "Is it two already?"

"Not quite, lil bro. We were early. How're ya doing?"

"I'm fine now big bro. I was so scared you wouldn't get here in time."

"In time... oh yeah the surgery. Man, Charlie, I dunno what to say. That
really sucks!"

"Not really. Doc says I'm gonna be rid of all that pain, and maybe if I'm
lucky I'll get rid of the diapers too."

"Really? For good?"

"Uh-huh. He said something about a muscle spasm or something caused by the
pain. I'm gettin' kinda excited about the whole thing."


Andy pulled himself away from Charlie and held him at arms length. Would he
never stop learning from this kid? He had just been told he had cancer, was
scheduled the very next dayfor surgery that would change his life
forever. "Charlie," he said as he looked into those bright blue eyes, "Are
you sure you understand what's happening to you?"

"Sure I do, man. What d'ya think I am, stupid? Heck, I've castrated dozens
of calves, it's no big deal."

"But you're not a calf. You're a boy; a human being!"

"Gonna stay one too, Andy. Like the doc said, with cancer in them, my
testicles have become a liability that will kill me. I figure it's better
to be a eunuch than to be a corpse. Besides, it ain't all bad. In some ways
it's kinda exciting."

"Exciting? How in the world can you look forward to this and say it's
exciting?"


Charlie looked Andy in the eyes, and there he saw deep concern and
worry. "Andy," he said with a smile, "Relax! It's gonna be fine! Doc Fisher
says I can live fine without `em."

"But... you'll never be able to have sex!"

"Don't matter. Dad says I'm kinda lucky that way `cause I'm so young. He
says I won't miss what I've never had."

"Never?"

"Well, almost never." Charlie grinned sheepishly.

"But what about children? You'll never be able to be a father."

"Sure I will. They gave me a hard time about that too, but I got it
figured."

"Hard time? I don't understand..."


Charlie went on to relate the scene in the hospital. "They wanted to bring
some nurse in to beat me off!" he said with disdain, "And then when I
wouldn't do that they wanted me to do it by myself! Right there in the
hospital!"

"Why? Are they some kinda perverts or something?"

"No, they said they wanted to get some sperm from me and freeze it. They
asked me all sorts of questions about could I shoot yet, even asked me if
I'd had an orgasm the night you and I... well, you know."

"What'd you tell them?"

"Nuthin' man! I told `em it's none of their business and it didn't matter
anyway, cause if I ever need sperm I can use some o' yours. And," he said
with a wide grin, "I KNOW you got enough for two!"

"Charlie!" said a blushing Andy, "You didn't tell them that, did you?"

"Course not Andy. I told you, I didn't tell them anything!"


Charlie confessed then that the real reason he liked his diapers so much
was that they gave him freedom: freedom to go where he liked without
constantly worrying about wetting his pants, going to the bathroom every
half hour, being embarrassed in school. "Now," he said, "I get a chance to
be a normal kid, and maybe for a long time."

"A long time?" Andy queried.

"Yeah. Doc Fisher is not real sure how much I'll grow. He says I will
eventually grow, but he doesn't know how much or how fast. He said the fact
that I'm so small now is an indication that I might not have all the growth
hormones I should have."

"But they have drugs for that! I know kids in foster care that are taking
growth hormones."

"Doc says I can't have `em cause they help the cancer to grow. He says
hormones are kinda like a fertilizer to the cancer."


"I sure wish you were staying home tonight." Andy said quietly. "It's gonna
seem like forever when you're in that operating room."

"I was kinda... well, I was hoping you'd be there with me. Mom and Dad are
gonna be there."

"Be with you? Would they allow me?"

"I dunno. But I think I can talk `em into it. They are kinda doing whatever
I want, long as it's reasonable. Will you come?"

"Sure, man. Anything for my lil brother!"


"Is that your sick young son coming across the yard?" Evan asked with a
smile as he looked out the window. He saw two boys: Andy, and a much
smaller but no less happy boy. They were both laughing, joking, trying to
trip each other, slapping each other on the back, acting anything but sick.

"That's Charlie!" Dennis said proudly. "Andy is like a tonic to that boy!"


"Dad," Charlie said when Evan had left, "Why do I have to go to the
hospital tonight?"

"I'm not sure," Dennis answered, "I guess originally they wanted you there
to try and harvest sperm. But since you're not gonna do that.... you
haven't changed your mind have you?"

"No, Dad, I haven't"

"Then I guess the only other reason is to get you drugged up for tomorrow."

"Drugged up? But I don't wanna be drugged up!"

"Charlie, they have to give you something to help you relax."

"I'm already relaxed! An' I'll stay more relaxed if I can stay home tonight
and tell Andy what's goin' on here. Why can't we go in early in the
morning? You got John and Todd doin' the milking and all, so we could be
there by six or seven."

"You've got a good point, Charlie. But on the other hand, they're gonna
start to get annoyed if we keep changing things. Maybe we should just leave
things the way they are."

"I don't really care if they like it or not, Dad. Why can't we tell them my
brother just got home and I want to spend some time with him?"

"All right, Charlie." Dennis sighed, "Let me call the hospital."


Fortunately, Dennis got in touch with the head nurse on the floor where
Charlie would be staying. She told him that Charlie had been scheduled to
stay two days, mostly for more tests. She also told him that she would
appreciate his NOT coming in tonight because they really had no time to do
anything with him, so it would be very boring for Charlie. He told her he'd
have Charlie at the hospital at 7 am, thanked her, and hung up.


"Charlie!" he called. The boys were upstairs on the computer, where Charlie
had one more email to send to a friend in France before shutting it
down. He came bounding down the stairs, leaving Andy to finish shutting
down the computer. "Yeah Dad?" he said, "Time to go?"

"Charlie," Dennis said, "Why is it so important for you to stay home
tonight?'

"Dad, I thought that'd be obvious. I'd much rather be here than in any old
hospital; and besides, Andy's here."

"Does that mean we can expect a repeat performance of what happened once
before?"


Charlie turned fire engine red. "Dad!" he whined, "What kinda question is
that?"

"Under the circumstances," Dennis laughed, "I think it's a pretty normal
question for a father to ask his son."

"Well I'm not gonna lie to ya, Dad. But I'm not gonna answer the question
either. The truth is I don't know. But I don't think it's fair makin' me go
in case something might happen."

"I don't either, son." Dennis laughed, "But you can't blame your old man
for trying to find out what his sons are up to."


"That kinda reminds me Dad." Charlie said faltingly, "Can we talk?"

"Of course we can talk, Charlie! Here? Or in my office?"

"Your office, please."

"Ok," Dennis said when they were in the office behind the closed
door. "What's up?"

"I was just wonderin'... he stammered, "After I'm... uhhh... after I'm a
castrato, is that gonna make me gay?"

"Make you gay? I don't think so, Charlie. Are you concerned about that?"

"Sorta. I been on the Internet again and lots of guys think if you don't
have your... er... balls, you're kinda a sissy."

"That's just tough guy man talk, Charlie. But what's a sissy got to do with
being gay?"

"Well, most sissies are gay aren't they?"

"Charlie, c'mere." Charlie obediently approached his father, who picked him
up and placed him on his lap. Odd for a twelve year old? To quote Andy, not
when the twelve year old was Charlie.


"In the first place," Dennis began, "I don't think losing your testicles is
going to change the way you think. They say it'll reduce your sex drive,
but at your age you don't have that much anyway. But it won't make you a
sissy, and it won't make you gay. And remember this, Charlie, being a sissy
and being gay are two totally different things. Some sissies are gay, some
not. Some gays are sissies, some not. But gay or straight, sissy or he-man,
you are what you are, and removing a couple of small body parts isn't gonna
change that. And whatever you are, you're still our son and we love you."

"Do you think I'm gay, Dad?"

"I don't know. If you're talking about what you and Andy did, I doubt that
we can draw any conclusions from that. Do you think you are?"

"I dunno Dad. But Andy..."


"Andy has already told me he doesn't know if he's gay either. And before
you even ask, it won't make any difference in how we love you, either one
of you. A lot of people would say I'm a terrible father, knowing what you
two did and allowing it to possibly happen again, but I don't think that
way. I know if you really want to do it, you'll find a way. If not in bed,
then in the barn, or in the bushes by the back field. If you were doing it
all the time I'd have to intervene; but at the moment I think you both are
just discovering yourselves, so the best support I can offer is to back off
and just let you know we love you."


Charlie looked intently at his father. "I'm scared, Dad!" he admitted.

"Of course you are! That's why I've arranged for you to stay here
tonight. We don't have to be at the hospital till 7 am."

"Ya mean it? Really?"

"Uh-huh. But why don't you forget I told you and tell me why you're
scared?"

"I dunno... I been reading some stuff about castrati... they were treated
kinda bad by people..."

"That was a long time ago, Charlie. I think things'll be different for
you. I think you're gonna be just fine!"

"But what if that doesn't get all the cancer? What'll they do then?"

"That I can't answer, son. But don't forget all those songs you sing on the
stage. Don't they have a lot to say about putting your faith in God?"

"Yeah, I guess they do. OK thanks, Dad. Are we through?"

"Only if you say we are."


Charlie's mind still wasn't fully at rest with all that was happening, but
he couldn't think of any more questions. Besides, he couldn't wait to tell

Andy that they weren't going to the hospital until morning. That, Andy
agreed, was the best news of the day. Charlie was only allowed a sandwich
for supper, but Andy ate enough for the both of them.


"I really wish this wasn't happening to you." Andy said as they undressed
for bed.

"Yeah," Charlie agreed, "Me too. I'm kinda nervous."

"I don't wonder. I think I'd be scared to death. Is that what you were
talkin' to your dad about?"

"Yeah. An' it's OUR dad now!"

"Guess that's right. Did he help?"

"Yeah, a little. But..."


Andy stopped undressing and sat down on the bed with Charlie. Charlie threw
his arms around him and held him as he started to cry softly. "I'm so
afraid.." he sobbed.

"Afraid of what? I thought you were handling it pretty well."

"That's what you're supposed to think. I'm supposed to be able to handle
everything! Keep on keepin' on, an' all that stuff."

"Are you afraid of dying?"

"Heck no! Actually I think I might be afraid of NOT dying! Sometimes I get
to thinking it'd be better to be dead than to live as a eunuch."

"But I thought you were ok with it... I mean not being able to be a father,
your voice not changing, all that stuff!"

"I am ok with all that. It's just... just..."

"What Charlie? What else is there?"


Charlie didn't answer for a long time. He held Andy tightly, then when he
had regained some of his composure he said one word: "YOU!"

"Me?" Andy questioned, "What about me?"

"I don't wanna lose you! I'm afraid you won't respect me when I'm never
gonna be a man. I'm gonna be... well... mutilated!"


Andy pulled away from Charlie and looked him in the eye. "Is that what you
think, Charlie? You think that I only want you for that? Just because we
did it once, you think I'll lose interest if we can't do it any more?"

"But you said... you enjoyed it so much..."

"Of course I enjoyed it, Charlie! I was in bed with the most beautiful boy
in the world! We were giving each other such pleasure that it just blows my
mind! But I don't think that's gonna change. You'll still have that
incredible blond hair, that gorgeous body, those bright blue eyes. You'll
still be the smartest farmer in the world. You'll still be Charlie, the boy
I love. And if what we did last time doesn't work for you any more, we'll
find new things to do. Remember, I was here all summer without any sex, and
I never tired of changing your diaper, taking your orders, working with
you. Just being close to you is enough, Charlie! I mean, one of us might
very well lose interest in sex. One of us might get interested in a
girl. But that doesn't mean I'll lose interest in my lil brother. I love
you, Charlie!"


Charlie didn't say anything for a long time. He looked at Andy. His body
seemed to have matured over the two months he'd been away. His shoulders
were a little broader, his arms a little more muscular. He still sported
the tan he'd got from going shirtless most of the summer. His hair was much
longer now. He hadn't cut it because Charlie had said he liked it long. It
glistened from constant brushing, just covering his ears. Charlie thought
he'd never seen anyone so gorgeous! He didn't even realize it, but his
hands had begun to investigate some areas that were still covered by
clothing. "I might never be able to do it again after tonight," he
whispered, "Can we... uh... Andy, I want..."

"Me too, Charlie. I thought you'd never ask."


                          *       *       *


If you wish to comment on this story, please send your comments to me at
charlieje@mindspring.com