Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 10:10:56 -0500
From: Charlie <charlieje@mindspring.com>
Subject: Andy 24 (Young Friends)

              XXIV Charlie in Italy

The first thing Charlie noticed, after he had managed to tear his eyes away
from the deep brown eyes that had seized his and locked on, was how
incredibly handsome Paul was. Like Charlie had been, Paul was small for
his age. His skin was a deep copper color, his hair a silky black and long
enough to barely touch his shoulders. He was wearing red shorts, rather on
the tight side, and a white muscle shirt. His body was incredibly developed
for his age. His face was very slightly oriental in appearance, but not so
much so that he could be considered Chinese or Japanese. The eyes were
nothing short of captivating; but there was a sadness there; an emptiness
that cried to be filled.

"The bed next to mine is empty," Paul offered, "If you haven't already got
one."
"I'd like that." Charlie heard himself saying.
"Great! We have to change for dinner now, do you want a shower first?"
"I probably should, I've been traveling all day. Is there time?"

Charlie found himself in the shower alone, since all the rest of the
residents had already had their shower. He got the distinct feeling that they
were waiting for him, so he hurried through his shower and then rushed
back to the dorm where he found everyone already dressed for dinner.
They were all wearing a clean school uniform: black pants, white shirt, red
tie. Neatly laid out on his bed was one for Charlie. As he dressed, Charlie
thought he could feel several sets of eyes including Paul's watching him,
but he ignored the feeling and hurried to get dressed. Soon he was ready
and they all trouped to the cafeteria.

It seemed to be a given that he and Paul would sit together. They didn't
discuss it, but neither boy, nor anyone else for that matter, seemed to
question that Charlie and Paul had already become friends. Charlie
wondered about it but he didn't mind really... Paul was easy to like, and
looking at him was certainly no chore. As soon as they were seated with a
great meal in front of them, the other members of the dorm started
stopping by. They would welcome him, offer him words of
encouragement, then go back to their seats. Some of the boys from the
other dorm, as old as their twenties, also dropped by. Charlie was very
quickly starting to feel at home in this place. And then the questions
started. Paul, it seemed, had to know all there is to know about Charlie.

What was it like, living in America? How big was their farm? What did
they raise? Did they have a tractor? Did Charlie have any brothers or
sisters? What did they do in their spare time? How hot did it get in
summer? How cold in winter? On and on it went until finally Paul asked
the big one: How had he come to be a castrato?

"It was kinda an accident." Charlie answered. "I had a lot of pain and so
they thought I had cancer. Then after it was over they found that they had
made a mistake. How about you? How did you..."

Paul's cheery face turned dark. "It was the revolution." he answered. "We
had a big sugar plantation. We were quite rich and the rebels didn't like
that. They thought if you were rich than you were the enemy. They killed
my mom and dad and sister, then they castrated me. Most boys bled to
death 'cause they didn't even try to stop the bleeding, but some of our
hired hands got to me in time and helped me. Sometimes I wish they
hadn't."
"I'm real sorry, Paul." Charlie said, "That really sucks! So how did you get
here?"
"Signore Guido. He has people all over the world looking for homeless
eunuchs like me. There's nothing for me back home now so I agreed to
come back with him. Sometimes I wish I hadn't."

Charlie could see the sadness in Paul's eyes, and resolved then and there to
remove it. They were such beautiful eyes, they had no business being sad.
He could not even imagine the fear, the anguish this kid must have gone
through, watching his family die and then enduring the pain as rough, dirty
men cut his boyhood from him. "It's ok now," he said, "You're safe. And I
know Signore Guido will make it right for you. He'll help you make a new
life."
"But you don't understand." Paul said, "I can't sing. As much as I try, I
can't seem to learn to carry a tune. I know the theory, I can even play the
piano as long as the music is in front of me, but I can't sing."
"That's in your mind." Charlie answered.
"That might be, but as much as I try I can't seem to make my mind think
musically. I just can't sing!"
"I bet my mom could teach you." Charlie said, and then wished he hadn't
said it. Paul didn't answer. He knew of a loving family, but his was gone.
He was familiar with the miracles that could be wrought through love, but
that was lost to him. And Charlie knew just by looking into those deep
brown liquid eyes what he was thinking.

The boys were an hour later than usual going to bed, due largely to
Charlie's late arrival. So as soon as dinner was over and they'd had their
recreation time, they were ordered directly back to the dorm and bed. They
barely had enough time to get their clothes off and hang them up when the
lights went out, and all the boys got into bed and settled down. Charlie was
tired; so tired that he was dropping off to sleep almost as soon as the lights
went out. But then he felt his bed jostle slightly and lifted his head to see
the slight form of Paul, dressed only in his briefs, crawling in with him. "If
I'm here with you," Paul whispered, "The others will leave you alone.
Otherwise they'll try to initiate you, and I don't think you'd like what they
do."
"I'm not sure I understand." Charlie said, although he really didn't mind
his new bed partner.
"Sure you do!" Paul said, "Think about it!"
"Jeez, Paul! You mean they... uhhh..."
"No, they won't hurt ya, but I just don't think you'd like it very much. I
mean, they kinda... well... embarrass you,  ya know?"
"I guess so. Ok, thanks, Paul. I mean, thanks for warning me."
"You're welcome, Charlie."

Ok, Charlie thought, That explains why Paul is here in my bed. It even
explains why he is holding me so tight, snuggled up just as tight as I get to
Andy, considering all that he's been through. But his hands! How do I
explain what his hands are doing, roaming all over my body? And how do
I explain how absolutely great it feels? And how do I tell Andy about my
own hands, and how wonderful Paul's body feels as I touch his silky
smooth back, his little round butt... his... his...

"Charlie," Paul whispered suddenly, "You still got your... uh..."
"My scrotum?" Charlie offered, "Yeah, I do. The doctor just cut a little slit
in it and took my nuts out. But yours is completely gone! They musta..."
"Yeah they did. They just cut the whole thing off. That's why so many
kids bled to death."
"It must've hurt awful bad! It musta been terrible!
"Not really, I passed out soon as they started to cut. I didn't wake up till
some time the next day when the field crew had me all stitched up."
"What happened to them?"
"They got caught and killed. But before they did they hid me under a big
stack of straw."
"Man!" Charlie exclaimed, "And I thought I'd been through a lot!"

The two boys grew quiet. Charlie suspected that Paul was crying softly,
but he made no outward sign. So Charlie just held him as he got more and
more angry at what had been done to his new friend. His hands were still
caressing Paul softly, exploring every square inch of that part of him that
had been so brutally violated. "I'm gonna make it up to you," he
whispered. "You're gonna be ok, little Paul." He thought of Andy and how
he had mothered Charlie when he first came to the farm. In Charlie's
mind, it was now his turn. Now he, Charlie, the little brother, was needed!
Now he could pay back indirectly what Andy had given to him.

As Charlie lay there awake, Paul sleeping in his arms, he saw, or more
accurately sensed, bodies moving about in the dark. He heard sounds....
unmistakable sounds of intimate behavior. He suspected he knew what
was going on, but they weren't bothering him or Paul so for the most part
he ignored it. But still, he wondered.

Thursday morning was a bit of a nightmare for Charlie. He was given his
class assignments, and spent the entire day sitting and listening to teachers
and his fellow students speaking in Italian. He first thought it would be
cool to learn another language, but it was certainly boring for him just
sitting there, not knowing what in the world was going on. When classes
were finally over and it was time for choir rehearsal, he breathed a sigh of
relief. But even that rehearsal had a few surprises for him that he hadn't
counted on.

                *       *       *

Andy had finished his week's school work by Wednesday morning, so he
spent an extra two hours plowing more land. Dennis had closed the deal
on another three hundred acres, none of which had been farmed for over
five years. Some of the fields, the ones he was plowing now, weren't too
bad; but the vast majority of the old farm was quite overgrown with
bushes and small trees, and would have to be mowed with a bush hog
before it could be plowed. As he opened the throttle on the new John
Deere he was again thrilled at the power he had at his fingertips. He was
also thrilled at how much he'd learned about farming. Not much over a
year ago he hadn't even known what a bush hog was, and now he was
deciding when it was needed and when not.

Tomorrow morning, Thursday, the Conner's were all leaving for Florida.
All, that is, except for Charlie who was in Italy. Andy thought a lot about
destiny and wondered, what exactly was Charlie's destiny? Dennis had
made it quite clear that it included music in one form or another; but
Charlie seemed so happy right here on the farm! How long would it be, he
wondered, before his little brother's eyes would be so dazzled by all he'd
heard, all he'd seen, that he would no longer have time for the simple hard
working life of a farmer? Andy couldn't imagine a life any better than he
had right how, but at the same time he knew he would follow Charlie to
the ends of the earth if necessary. As he thought about these things, he
realized that since that first night when he and Charlie had made love, he
had never masturbated! Sex just for the sake of sex had lost all meaning,
had nothing to offer him. He realized that he was totally devoted to
Charlie. Did Charlie feel the same? What if he met someone in Italy? He
was such an emotional little guy, Andy knew deep down that Charlie
would have a great deal of difficulty controlling his actions if he was
attracted to someone. So he resolved to prepare himself for the possibility
that sooner or later he wouldn't be the only one in Charlie's life. How
would he react? Would he be able to live with a development like that? He
honestly didn't know. But he knew that he would certainly try.

Andy was astonished at how quickly he'd finished plowing the field he
was working on. When he looked at his watch, it was already 4 PM, time
to head for home. Tomorrow they would drive most of the day. He didn't
particularly want to, but he knew once they got there they would all have a
good time. He didn't feel comfortable about that either. Shouldn't they be
missing Charlie so much that it was impossible for them to enjoy
themselves? And so the thought process went. When he wasn't missing
Charlie he was wishing he did.

                *       *       *

Charlie had been in Italy three weeks. He had to admit it had certainly
been an experience. On his first choir rehearsal he had been issued the
traditional attire of the castrati choir: a black ankle length robe with a wide
red sash. This was what castrati wore while in training over 250 years ago!
The choir wore these robes for all performances, all official public
appearances. On one hand Charlie was thrilled to wear his robe in public;
on the other hand it set him apart a little more than he was comfortable
with. But he was determined to make this visit work, even though he was
becoming more and more convinced that this was far from the life that he
wanted for himself. Guido had worked with him tirelessly, showing him
exercises that would extend his range, enhance his vocal tones, improve
his control; but there was always that overhanging shadow; the shadow
that said he was different, that without his voice he was nothing. Charlie
didn't believe that! It might be true for most of the boys who didn't have a
loving family, but even that was somewhat doubtful to Charlie. He
wondered about his fellow students. Were they in for a big
disappointment? Were they going to discover what Charlie already knew?
That one does not succeed in show business unless he is the very best, and
lucky in the bargain? If so what would they do? Did they have enough
skills aside from their music to make a living? On the other hand, without
families they really didn't have many options, did they? And there was no
doubt, absolutely none, that Signore Guido cared passionately for every
one of his students, even part-timers like Charlie.

As he got to know some of the members of the choir, Charlie realized that
they had an attitude that it was a privilege to be here! They seemed to
consider all males with all their parts as somewhat inferior! Was that
right? Charlie didn't think so. It was one thing to accept your lot in life and
move on, but quite another to consider yourself superior because of some
mutilation for whatever reason. Charlie considered himself neither better
nor worse than anyone else because of the fact he'd been castrated. That
was simply how it was and he could live with it, even take advantage of it
because that's what he'd been taught.! But these kids, most of them,
looked down on anyone who wasn't a castrato.

And then there was Paul. The poor kid was really a terrible singer, and to
be a castrato and still not be able to sing, well, that had to be a curse from
hell itself, or so the members of the castrati choir believed. Paul attended
every rehearsal, and always endured the mocking, the chastisement of all
the other students. He never complained, just kept trying his best. Charlie
hated it!

Paul had not so much as disturbed the covers of his own cot since Charlie
had arrived. He was so sweet! So lovable! So beautiful! But because he
was not a good singer he had few friends, was not accepted by the other
students. The emphasis here was on music and Charlie loved music; but he
loved people more, and Paul was in need of, and received abundantly,
Charlie's love.

"You seem very quiet and withdrawn tonight." Charlie observed after
lights out, "Is something wrong?"
"Not really." came the evasive reply.
"Now I know something's wrong! Charlie said. "What is it, Paul?"
'It's ok really. It's just that your family arrives tomorrow, and... well, I'm
gonna miss you."
"Yeah," Charlie chuckled, "Suppose your own bed is still there?"
"It's still there, unfortunately. But it's not nice and warm like this one.
'Course you know what everyone is saying, what they think."
"Yeah, I think I got it figured out from the looks, the grins. Is that what
you want, Paul?"

Paul was quiet for a brief moment. Then he said "I want them all to think
there's something goin' on, cause that way they'll leave you alone."
"But what about you? I appreciate you protecting me, but who's gonna
protect you? I mean after I leave, they'll think... won't they want a piece of
you?"
"Probably. But they won't hurt me, and the rest I'll just have to get used
to. In a way it'll be nice, bein' good for something."
"Did they, err... initiate you when you first came?"
"No. I guess I was kinda a mess, crying all the time and all. They're not a
bad bunch of guys, just a little over active sometimes."
"So you've never done anything like that?"
"No. Sometimes when we're all cuddled up like this, I think about it. I
mean... sometimes I wish we'd go further than just touching."
"Me too Paul. But I can't, right now. I mean Andy..."
"Your brother, right?"
"Uh-huh. We are sorta more than brothers."
"I know. I think it's so kewl, you and your brother loving each other that
much."

Paul had suddenly become very quiet, so Charlie dropped the subject. He
knew somehow that any further discussion would only serve to make Paul
remember his family, now all gone. But his keen mind was beginning to
work overtime. All of a sudden he couldn't wait to talk to his father. And
then he thought of Andy and wondered what he would think, if he knew
what Charlie was thinking. As if to reinforce those thoughts, Paul
snuggled closer, kissed Charlie softly on the neck, and firmly placed his
hand inside Charlie's boxers and went fast asleep. Charlie felt tears
burning his eyes. Signore Guido had offered to have Charlie spend a
month here every year. Would that be enough? Could he bear to spend
eleven months in America, knowing that Paul was here, miserable because
he couldn't sing, which was the primary objective of the schoool?

                *       *       *

"Mom! Dad! Andy" Charlie exclaimed as he saw the trio emerge from the
arrivals concourse. Guido had driven him to Rome to meet them, and now
stood in the background as Charlie greeted and hugged all of them.
"Charlie!" Andy exclaimed as they locked in a tight embrace, "I've missed
you so much! How ya doing, dude?"
"Great now, big bro! I was so afraid something would happen so y'all
couldn't come!"
"Nothing short of death coulda kept me away!" Andy exclaimed.

As they traveled back to the school, Charlie chattered endlessly about his
stay with the castrati choir. He'd had a good time, he confirmed, but only
because he knew it was only a visit. He reassured Dennis over and over
that there was no chance that he would give up the farm for a life in Italy.
And then Andy asked if he'd made any friends. "Yeah, lots of 'em."
Charlie answered, "But especially Paul. Andy, you're not gonna believe
Paul! He is so kewl! We been together every minute we could!"
"Maybe you could invite your new friend to dinner tonight." Karen
suggested, "That is if it's ok Guido."
Guido agreed that would be fine, which sent Charlie into one of his
hyperactive fits, saying that he couldn't wait for everyone to meet Paul.

When Dennis got up from the table to visit the men's room at the
restaurant, Charlie followed suit. They had all gone out to dinner: Karen
and Dennis, Guido, Andy, Charlie, and Paul. Having checked as soon as
they entered the men's room that they were alone, Charlie went on the
offensive as he and his father stood at the urinals. "Dad," he said in his
best little boy voice which, incidentally, was becoming more difficult for
him to invoke, "Can we talk?"
"Sure son. But would it be ok if I put my equipment back in my pants
first?"

For the next ten minutes Charlie's mouth flooded his father with more
information that anyone would have thought possible. He told him
everything he'd learned about Paul... the revolution, the killing of his
rescuers, his trip to Italy, everything! "The thing is, Dad," he went on as he
washed his hands for the third time, "He can't sing worth a flip! He really
doesn't fit in here. He's not even happy! Do you suppose..."
"I'm 'way ahead of you, Charlie." Dennis interrupted, "You want me to try
and adopt him, don't you?"
"Yes sir. That would be so kewl!"
"But Charlie, if he's been through so much... perhaps he wouldn't want to
come to live with us. And then there's the whole immigration issue..."
"I know he'd love it on our farm, Dad. I know it!"
"Charlie, what have you told him? Have you promised..."
"No Dad. I know better than that. But he is just so..."

Dennis looked at his son... the brightness on his face, the desire in his
eyes. "Charlie," he said, "What does all this have to do with you? Have
you..."
"No, Dad! Of course not! I just love him a lot and I don't think growing up
here at the school is what he needs."
"But Charlie, we can't go around adopting every homeless kid we
encounter."
"I know, Dad. But Paul..."
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"
"I guess maybe I am."
"So where does that leave Andy?"
"Andy is my brother, Dad. And I'm gonna talk about all this first chance I
get. But I would never do anything to hurt him. An' if he says no, he
doesn't want Paul around, then I'll accept that. But if Andy likes him
too..."
"I'll talk to Guido." Dennis promised, "Paul does seem like a very nice
boy."

They all had a very nice dinner, but Guido's presence added a certain
formality which everyone seemed to feel. There were things about his
experience that Charlie wanted to relate, but they would have to wait. He
wanted to be alone with Andy, but that would also have to wait. As they
ate and chatted, Charlie found himself wishing he hadn't agreed to stay
with the school instead of moving back with his parents when they arrived.

It was still early when they left the restaurant, so Guido invited the Conner
family back to his office at the school where they could sit and talk
comfortably. Once there, Dennis suggested that Charlie  take Andy on a
tour of the school so his sons could catch up on each other's lives. Both
boys shot their father a look that said "thanks" and disappeared.

Within seconds of their leaving, Charlie attacked Andy verbally. "We
gotta talk about Paul." he said.
"I know, Charlie. I guess I know you better than I realized, and I certainly
saw the way you two looked at each other. It's ok, lil bro, I understand.
But we're still brothers, right?"
"You don't understand at all, Andy. I'm not even sure I do."
"You and Paul been sleeping together?"
"Yeah, we have. Every night, Andy. But not... well, we haven't done
anything."
"Nothing?" Andy said with astonishment, "Nothing at all?"
"Nothing. Unless you consider a lot of touching as doing something."

Now Andy was really shocked. Of course his only frame of reference was
his own experience, and he could not imagine sleeping with someone he
cared for and touching intimately, yet not going further. "Charlie," he said,
"That's not normal!"
"'Course it ain't!" he answered, "But remember, we're not normal either."
"But," Andy protested, "We both know that everything still works, so I
don't understand..."

Charlie went on to share a conversation he'd had with Guido. "Signore
Guido told me that sex drive comes from lots of different places. When it
first starts it is either from hormones or love, but after that any experiences
get stored in memory, and things just sorta build. He said that he thought
Paul and I were content with not doing anything because Paul has had no
experience at all, and I have only had what you and I have done, so my
mind kinda associates sex with you."
"Sounds like a lot of shrink stuff."
"I guess it is in a way. But without hormones we are relying on our
memories to give us whatever drive we've got. I mean, don't get me
wrong, I would love to do it with Paul and so would he, but I didn't figure
you'd like it at least without my asking first, and Andy, you're still first in
my life. No one gets inside my pants without your permission!"

"So you told Guido everything? Even about you and me?"
"Uh-huh. I came here to learn, Andy, and Signore Guido works with
eunuchs all the time. He knows better'n anyone I know how that affects
us, and I learned a lot about what to expect. He says he still doesn't think
I'm necessarily gay, but I fell in love and the person I love happens to be
male. I'm not sure I understand the difference, but he says there is one."

Charlie went on to tell how Paul had established a reputation by sleeping
with Charlie every night and letting the whole school think that they were
having sex. He told the reasons, then he told of Paul's violent past. He
related that Paul couldn't sing three notes together and stay on pitch,
therefore he wasn't very happy in this music-oriented place. He told him
that he had told Paul he thought their mom and he could teach Paul to
sing, given enough time. Then he somewhat nervously said that he had
asked Dennis to consider adopting him.

Andy was silent for a long time. He looked into Charlie's face and simply
bathed his emotions in the beauty of his little brother: Skin still as smooth
as when he was a baby. Beneath that silky smooth skin were developing
muscles that rippled when he moved; arms and legs exceptionally long,
but not so much so that they were grotesque; movements so graceful they
were poetry in motion; blond hair that had grown back even thicker than it
was before. Those deep blue eyes that had grown so dull for the better part
of a year seemed now to be brighter, more shining, than ever! "I..." Andy
stammered, "I think you should."
"Should what?"
"Everything. I think you should try to talk Dad into adopting him. You
should teach him to sing. And... uh... I think you should make love to
him."

"Andy!" an astonished Charlie said, "Are you sayin'..."
"Yeah, Charlie. You do love him don't you?"
"I dunno, Andy; but I think so. I kinda feel about him the same way I do
about you. But I don't love you any less, and I don't wanna..."
"We're different in so many ways now, Charlie, we might as well be
different in this way too. I know you so well, and I know that when you
love someone, you love them completely. All I ask is that you both want it.
Don't try to talk him into anything and don't allow yourself to be talked
into anything either. But I know you and frankly I'm surprised you haven't
been more tempted already."
"I never said I wasn't tempted," Charlie answered, "Only that I hadn't
done anything."

                *       *       *

"Your parents are so nice!" Paul said as they got ready for bed, "And your
brother is really kewl! You're really lucky, Charlie."
"Yeah, I know. I'm awful glad you like 'em, 'cause it's gonna make what I
got to say now a lot easier. I'm not supposed to say anything to you till we
know more, but I gotta know what you think. Paul, I have asked my dad to
look into taking you back with us. If you want to, that is."
"Taking me back? You mean to the States?"
"Uh-huh. Dad would adopt you same as he did Andy. You'd be my little
brother!"
"He'd do that? Why?"
"Cause they think you're kewl and I asked them to. My folks have this soft
spot for kids who have it rough. I told 'em you're really not happy here. I
wasn't wrong, was I?"
"No, you weren't wrong. But I dunno... I lost one family and I don't think I
could live through losing another one."
"We gotta take chances in life, Paul. You're never gonna be loved if
you're not willing to take a chance and give your love. Andy taught me
that. And besides, you can speak Italian and I want to learn. I figure you
can teach me."
"Let me think about it, ok? I'd love to come if I get the chance, but I'm...
well, afraid."
"Just think about it, ok? We're not rich at least money wise, but we got a
great farm, an incredible family, and it's a place where you can... well...
spread your wings. Like for example, I'm here right now. My parents
thought it would be an experience I could benefit from, so here I am."

                *       *       *

"Paul?" Charlie whispered when they were in bed, cuddled so closely
together they appeared as one body.
"Yeah, Charlie?"
"Andy said something else tonight..."
"Yeah? About me?"
"Uh-huh. He said he thought you were really cute and he likes you a lot. I
always knew that but it was important to me what Andy thought, ya
know?"
"Yeah, I know. I could tell tonight how much you love him. I can
understand why too. He is so great!"
"He said something else too."
"Like what?"
"Paul, he said... he said it'd be ok with him if we want to make love!"

                *       *      *

If you wish to comment on this story, please send your comments to me at
charlieje@mindspring.com